


The PR department deserves better

by Mrs_Understood



Series: How can you not adopt Peter Parker [12]
Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, BAMF Michelle Jones, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack and Angst, Deaf Clint Barton, Everyone Is Gay, F/M, Family Feels, Fanboy Phil Coulson, Gen, Long, M/M, Michelle Jones Is a Good Bro, Michelle Jones is a Little Shit, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Nightmares, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Pansexual Wade Wilson, Peter Parker Can Wield Mjolnir, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Wade Wilson, Soft Wade Wilson, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug, Wade Wilson is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 162
Words: 248,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23524780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_Understood/pseuds/Mrs_Understood
Summary: Peter and MJ both have to move into the Avengers tower and find themselves in... some interesting situations.*domestic sit-com style fic, not at all to be treated seriously*
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Thor, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Phil Coulson & Nick Fury, Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Series: How can you not adopt Peter Parker [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1530086
Comments: 1625
Kudos: 623





	1. First chapter bitches. Buckle up.

MJ swung around in her chair, staring at the ceiling. She’d been in her new room for a total of three hours and forty-seven minutes, according to Friday, and she thought she was losing her mind. “Friday, what happened to my phone?” She asked. 

“Clint Barton has your phone in a secure location which has not been disclosed to me as of this moment,” Friday informed. She swore the AI sounded disdainful.

“I think I’m losing my mi-ind.” She sang. 

“Michell, would you like to view the footage from around the tower until you are allowed to leave?” Friday asked. She perked up at that. 

“You can do that?” She asked, rolling off her chair. 

“I can do anything I am not specifically coded not to do,” Friday replied. 

She smiled.

“Wait, is that ethical?” She asked. “Never mind, I don’t care. Pull it up.” 

“Right away, Michelle,” Friday said. A small TV slid down from the ceiling. “Where in the tower would you like video access to?” 

“Wherever Peter is,” She said, grabbing her sketchbook. Peter was the most fun to draw. He had a good depressed face for drawing. 

“Patching you into the lab’s security footage,” Friday said. She sat up, excited to see what came up. The image blinked on, showing her Tony and Bruce in what seemed to be an argument. 

“Where’s Peter?” She asked. 

“My facial recognition is not fully accurate in low light, but may I suggest scanning the ceilings,” Friday said. MJ nodded and looked at the top of the footage. Sure enough, the spider boy was hanging from his feet on the ceiling, swaying nauseatingly, seemingly asleep.

“Hm, nothing good. There's something doodle worthy going on?” she asked. The TV blinked away, before showing her an unfamiliar living room. “Where is that?” 

“You are looking at the main room of Steven Rogers and Bucky Barns living room,” Friday explained. 

“Where are they?” She asked. 

“I believe they will be entering the room in Four… three… two…” 

Across the screen, she saw Steve and Bucky streaking across the room, accompanied by Bucky screaming over Steve’s ‘Captain America ™’ voice. 

“Turn it down.” She said, glancing at the door. Clint and Natasha were differently in favor of spying, but they might not be in favor of  _ her _ spying.

“You can not post pictures like-” Steve said, his voice coming across monotone. 

“ _ I WILL POST WHATEVER I WANT! YOU LOOKED FUCKING ADORABLE!” _ Bucky yelled back. That line caught her attention. 

“Fri, what are they arguing about?” She asked. 

“It would appear that Bucky Barns posted an image to his social media outlet, which Steve would like taken down,” Friday informed. 

MJ pulled her laptop out, typing in Bucky's Instagram handle. There were several fake accounts she had to scroll through until she found his, which wasn’t hard, seeing as he was the only Bucky Barns account with an oversaturated photo of Steve's face. 

“Holy shit, is this the photo they’re talking about?” She asked, staring at the picture on her phone. 

“That does believe to be in keeping with the dialog from the conversation,” Friday informed. It was a photo of Steve, very angry, holding a baby duck, while stuck in the stairs.

“Damn, I figured out what I’m drawing.” She said, grabbing her sketchbook. 

“Glad to help.” 

\--- 

“Hey MJ, here’s your phone, just don’t make us read Ned’s fanfic again- what are you doing?” Natasha asked, throwing the phone on MJs desk.

“No promises.” She said, hiding her computer screen. 

“Michell has been editing a video with my help, of Steven Rogers and Bucky Barns,” Friday informed. 

“Rude,” MJ said. Natasha perked up at Friday's information, sitting on her bed. 

“What exactly are you editing?” Natasha asked. 

“You wanna see?” She said, handing over her computer. Natasha watched what there was of the Imovie video, grinning widely before clam shelling the laptop. 

“That is very well edited MJ,” She said, still grinning. 

“Please don’t make me stop, that’s pretty much all I’ve been doing in here, but it’s harder to get good footage because Friday isn’t showing me anything rated above ‘G’.” MJ said. 

“Friday, override Clint Barton's codding,” Natasha said. 

“Of course, which date of code would you like to override?” Friday asked. 

“Yesterdays,” Nat said. 

“Coding erased,” Friday said. 

“Whow,” MJ said. “How did you do that?” 

“I and Friday have an understanding,” Natasha said. 

“Are you really okay with this? I kinda assumed you would be against me meddling in other people’s lives.” MJ said. Natasha just laughed. 

“I have been trying to get Steve Rogers a date for years, this video is the best thing that has ever happened in this tower.” She said. 

“You… don’t mind?” MJ asked. 

“I am so happy you are doing this, show me the finished video,” Natasha said, standing up.

“Cool. Can I post it?” She asked. “Once it’s done and all?” 

“Sure, but I better not be able to tell the account is yours,” Natasha said, leaving without another word. MJ grinned. 

“I believe without the past restrictions, there is some new footage that may be of interest to your video,” Friday said. 

“Perfect.” 

\--- 

“MJ I am so bored,” Peter said, walking into her room and crawling on the ceiling. 

“Watch the posters,” She said, not looking up. 

“What are you doing?” Peter asked, peering over her shoulder. She slammed her laptop screen closed and glared at him. 

“Nothing. Why are you so bored?” She asked. 

“Well, I can’t hang out with Mr. Stark for another hour because of the whole room thing, and I can’t go to school because the entire world is on lockdown, and I can’t patrol because they don’t trust me, I’m gonna lose my mind!” Peter said dramatically, before flopping down on her bed. 

“Why don’t you practice?” She said, slowly opening her laptop screen again. 

“Practice what?” Peter asked. 

“Spiderman,” She replied. “Wall climbing or whatever.” 

“Fine,” Peter said, scuttling out of her room. She laughed, sighing in relief, and picked up her computer again. She’d just posted the video a few minutes ago, and was stalking her email for any comments. 

Sure enough, there were already four or so people commenting. Mostly how much they loved it and demanding to know where she had gotten the footage. She grinned, forcing herself to not reply. That was trashy. 

Over the next hour, over a hundred more comments came in, and several thousand people had viewed the video. If Steve had been made about the Instagram picture this was going to reckon him. She was reading through them when someone knocked on her door. 

“Come in!” She called, snapping her laptop shut. Natasha stepped in, grinning. 

“I saw your video.” She said blankly. 

“What did you think?” MJ asked, biting her lip. She wasn’t used to people actually knowing what she posted online. 

“I like it. Maybe we should show it to them, get it through their thick heads that they like each other.” Natasha said. “It blew up already, huh?” 

“Yeah, people seem to really like it,” MJ said. 

“It is new information for them, they wouldn’t care as much if it were TV interviews and phone recordings form battles. You should keep making them,” Nat said. 

“Aren’t they gonna freak when they find out it’s me making them.” She asked. 

“MJ, if they know it’s you making them then I will have failed you,” Natasha said, completely seriously. 

“Feels like I’m playing with fire here,” MJ said, before opening her laptop again. “Luckily, I’ve been a pyromaniac since I was 12.”

\---

Over the next couple of days, the video blew up. It wasn’t particularly well-edited in her opinion, just a couple scenes with ‘Lucky’ by Jason Maraz playing over. But Natasha had made a good point, there wasn’t anyone else in the world posting this footage, and the internet seemed to be turning too much about Steve falling asleep on Bucky. 

Or the time Bucky tucked Steve into bed. 

Or the time Bucky caught Steve from falling headfirst out a window without batting an eye. 

Or when Bucky lost his arm and Steve asked if he needed a hand. 

There was a lot to turn to mush over. Still, when she saw the CEO of SI stock over to her with a completely neutral expression, she didn’t automatically assume she was about to be grilled over the video. 

“Did you make this?” Pepper asked, holding up a tablet/hologram with the video on it. 

“Why?” She asked, not looking up from her drawing. She didn’t want to give anything away that she didn’t need to. 

“So that's a yes,” Pepper said. Much to MJ’s surprise, and vague discomfort, Pepper bent over and hugged her tightly. “Thank you.” 

“...You’re welcome?” She said. “What are you… thanking me for… exactly?” 

“This video. It’s the best PR I have ever had with the team. Now people actually want to know about Bucky, things aside from the winter soldier. I have gotten four phone calls about this video in the last hour.” Pepper said, grinning. 

“Really?” MJ asked. 

“This is the best thing to happen to this company since Tony fixed climate change,” Pepper said. “Keep it up.” 

“Since he… wait, what?” 


	2. ViDeO EvIdEnCe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HEHEHE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! also, I hope ya'll ship Steve and Bucky, because this'll be a rough chapter if you don't.

“Oh my… Friday, why didn’t you tell me about this?” Tony asked, clinking on the video. 

“I believed discretion was the best plan for the safety of those involved in the creation of the video.” 

“Who… wait, this was made by someone in the building?” Tony asked, watching the video replaying on the screen. “It’s a masterpiece, a work of art. It should be played in museums.” 

“The video was edited by Michell Johns boss,” Friday said. “She was helped by Natasha Romonov.” 

“What?” Tony asked. While he watched the video again, Pepper entered the pin to the wall. 

“Tony, have you seen the video?” Pepper said. 

“I assume that you meant something important, and not the fanvideo I have been watching on repeat for the last several minutes?” Tony said. 

“No actually, that's exactly what I was referring to,” Pepper said, turning her hollagrahm to show Tony a long list of tweets about the video. 

“Damn, it went crazy.” Tony said, scrolling. 

“This is the best thing that has happened to PR sense the climate change interview,” Pepper said. “People are dying to get interviews with Steve and Bucky. And this time they don’t just want to grill Bucky about Hydra.” 

“How are they going to interview them? We’re in lockdown.” Tony pointed out, spinning his chair. 

“That’s for the news outlets to figure out. Maybe they can do it online. Everyone needs some good news right now, I’m scheduling one for tonight. Do not show them the video.” Pepper commanded, turning around. 

“Massive world wide pandemic happening here Pep. Mass graves in parks and… okay, she’s gone.” Tony said, turning back to his work. “Hey Bruce!” 

“What?” Bruce asked from the other corner of the lab. 

“Do you have any cadavers?” He asked, tapping the syringe he’d been working with on the side of the table. 

“I think i have a few under the table, no  _ Tony _ , I don’t have any spare dead bodies.” Bruce said, lifting his goggles. “What do you need them for.” 

“I’m working on a vaccine and Pep won’t let me test it on myself.” Tony said. “To be fair, the last one did melt the table a little bit, but we don’t know that it would have had the same effect on a living person.” 

“Uh huh. How long have you been in here?” Bruce asked, pulling off his gloves and stepping over a pile of possibly live wires. 

“I donno, how long have we been in quorenteen?” Tony asked. 

“Seven days… how long has it been since you ate?” Bruce asked. 

“Uh, real food or coffee?” Tony asked. “Hey! Bruce? Where are you going? Bruce?” 

\---

“Interview?” Bucky asked, eyeing Pepper. She nodded, her face perfectly neutral. 

“At seven tonight,” she said, handing them each a piece of paper. “You don’t need to be prepped or anything, but they might do a little stage makeup. This has the address and all the names you need to remember on it.” 

“How are we even supposed to do this? Aren't we trying to like, flatten the curve or something?” Steve asked, looking at the paper. Bucky had already folded him into a paper airplane. 

“The outlet has assured us that all necessary precautions are being taken to ensure everyone's safety. Besides, I don’t think either of you are able to contract it anyway.” 

“Won’t it be a bad example?” bucky asked. Steve made his paper into a hat. 

“The news is going to date the interview back to when the topic you are discussing was first released so people feel a little better.” Pepper said. “Just be ready to go by seven.” 

“We will be.” Bucky said. “Quick question, are pants a must?” 

“Figure it out.” Pepper said, leaving. 

“Well she’s in a good mood.” Steve said. “She hardly scowled at all. Maybe she got botox.” 

“Pepper? No way. Besides, she had no problem scowling at Tony when he threw blueberries at her earlier.” Bucky said. 

“Was that her being… happy?” Steve asked. 

“I dunno, but if it was I don’t wanna see it again.” Bucky said, faking a shudder.

“So… we’re doing the interview?” Steve asked. 

“I guess. I’m not risking angering Pepper.” Bucky said. 

“But I don’t… wanna go.” Steve said, rolling off the sofa he’d been on. “Besides, it’s at  _ seven _ .” 

“Why does that matter?” Bucky asked. Steve just raised his eyebrows. “Oh, right.” 

“Yeah. Right.” Steve said dryly. 

“I’m sure you won’t fall asleep on live TV. Besides, it might not even go to eight.” Bucky reassured her. 

“Really? You are?” Steve said. 

“Look on the bright side, if you do, then you won’t have to hear the rest of the interview.” 

“Hmph.” 

\---

“Ma’am, I’m gonna help you, but I need you to calm down, okay?” Peter said, edging closer to the woman. She turned to look at him, the gun in her hand shaking. He tried to keep all of his focus on the gun, not allowing himself to look her in the eyes. 

Her nails were painted red and chipped at the edges. They were long, and she wore two rings. One on her right middle finger and one on her left ring. A wedding band. 

“How are  _ you  _ going to help? With words? Words aren't going to bring Josue back!” The lady yelled. Her hands tightened on the gun and she swung it so the weapon was no longer pointed at his chest, but instead at the doctor who’s scream had initially called him to the altercation.

“I know ma’am, but please, just keep your eyes on me, okay?” He said, inching so he was in front of the doctor. “I know how upset you are, believe me I do, but all that will happen if you shot a doctor is more people will die,” 

“She let Josue die!” The woman yelled again. 

“No no no no no, that’s where you are confused,” Peter said. 

“I’m not confused!” She spat. Peter was thankful for the mask at the moment. 

“Hey hey hey, don’t worry, I’m confused all the time, there’s nothing wrong with it,” Peter said. “But if you shot her then more people will die, and I’ll have to take you to jail. Neither of us want that.” 

“Just let the police shoot me, I don’t wanna be here anymore,” The woman yelled. 

“Tell me about him!” Peter said, trying to keep her attention. He didn’t want her turning the gun on herself. “Josue. How did he drink his coffee?” 

“What?” the lady asked, clearly surprised by his question. The gun quavered in his hand. 

“Tell me how he drank his coffee,” Peter repeated. “Did he like milk? He sounds like a milk guy to me.” 

“No,” She whispered. “No he didn’t. He drank it with cream, if he felt sick to his stomach. Lots of sugar though. That never changed. I… I always told him… I-I said it would be the… the death of him!” The woman said, sinking to the ground. Peter took his opportunity and jogged the ten feet between the two of them and snatched the gun, webbing it to the ground, before helping her stand. 

“Thank you,” The doctor whispered. He nodded to her, smiling under his mask, and led the woman to a bench. 

“Sir, getting a phone call from Tony Stark,” Karen said. 

“What? How’s he know I’m not home?” He said. “Uh, ignore.” 

Next to him the women continued to sob into her arm. 

“Peter,” Tony said.

“Mr. Stark, I can’t really talk right now,” Peter said. 

“Oh yes you can. Why is your little spider butt all the way across town?” Tony asked. 

“Mr. Stark, crime doesn't stop just because people are dying. If anything it increases.” The woman next to him sobbed louder. “Karen hang up.” 

“Call ended,” Karen said. 

“Wow, that actually worked.” He said, surprised. He looked at the lady doubled over on the bench. Right, bigger issues. “What’s your name ma’am?” 

“Eloise,” She choked out. 

“Okay Eloise, can you tell me where you live? I’m gonna walk you home, okay?” Peter said. 

“I-It’s just up the hill over there,” she said, “The red house just b-behind the uh, the depo.” 

“Okay Eloise, give me your hand, we’ll walk there together.” 

\---

“So, Mr. Rogers, Mr. Barns, do you know why you are here today?” the interviewer asked. 

“Hah, no, we haven't been told anything,” Steve said. Bucky continued making uncomfortable eye contact through the protective glass. “In fact, the CEO of Stark Industries seemed incredibly insistent that we didn't hear anything.” 

“I see. Well, I am sure you have heard that a video of the two of you have been trending,” The man said, flashing Bucky an unnaturally white smile. 

He didn’t stop glowering. 

“Well… no. Honestly, we don’t spend much time online.” Steve said, rubbing his neck. “Wait… what’s in the video?” 

“Well I don’t want to spoil anything too much, why don’t you just see for yourself?” 

The TV just off the screen lit up, showing a youtube video. The beginning of a song started playing, and the screen faded from black to show Steve and Bucky, Steve caught in the doorway of their closet and Bucky teasing him. You couldn’t hear the words in the video, but their faces more than made up for it. 

_ “Do you hear me, I’m talking to you.” The _ song played. The image switched to Steve falling asleep on Bucky's lap during movie night. 

_ “Across the water across the deep blue ocean _

_ Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying _

_ Boy I hear you in my dreams _

_ I feel your whisper across the sea _

_ I keep you with me in my heart _

_ You make it easier when life gets hard” _

Steve jumped in front of Bucky during a battle, using his shield to protect both of them, while wrapping himself to shield Bucky from the bullets. 

_ “I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend _

_ Lucky to have been where I have been _

_ Lucky to be coming home again” _

“Wait-” Bucky said, exchanging glances with Steve. Steve scooted his chair away. On screen Bucky wrapped Steve’s arm over his shoulder after a bad battle. Bucky remembered that one. Steve hadn’t been coherent for almost a week afterwards. 

“Is this-” Steve started. The interviewer shushed them. 

_ “Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh _

_ They don't know how long it takes _

_ Waiting for a love like this _

_ Every time we say goodbye _

_ I wish we had one more kiss _

_ I'll wait for you I promise you, I will”  _

On screen Steve and Bucky ran to each other, hugging once they met. “Okay, that’s out of context-” 

“We were separated for several-” They were shushed again.

_ “I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend _

_ Lucky to have been where I have been _

_ Lucky to be coming home again”  _

Steve threw a marshmallow into Bucky's mouth, both of them laughing when it landed. Bucky threw one back that bounced off of Steve’s nose. 

_ "And so I'm sailing through the sea _

_ To an island where we'll meet _

_ You'll hear the music fill the air " _

Bucky teased on-screen Steve while clicking on the radio Tony had gotten them. The words were still lost to the audience, but Bucky was making fun of Steve for never learning how to dance. Steve had taken that as a challenge. 

“That was a platonic slow dance.” Bucky insisted. Steve nodded his agreement. 

_ "I'll put a flower in your hair _

_ Though the breezes through the trees" _

They were getting ready for one of Tony's galas, Bucky had put his hair into a bun that night, and Steve thought it had been  _ so funny _ to stick a flower in it without telling him. 

_ "Move so pretty you're all I see _

_ As the world keeps spinning round _

_ You hold me right here right now" _

Bucky curled around Steve in a hospital bed, both of them exhausted from the mission. Bucky hadn’t been allowed out for three days after he woke up. 

_ " 'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend _

_ Lucky to have been where I have been _

_ Lucky to be coming home again" _

Steve trimmed Bucky’s hair in the bathroom. He was the only one Bucky would trust with scissors that close to his face, no matter how much Steve insisted he wasn’t qualified. 

_ "I'm lucky we're in love in every way _

_ Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed _

_ Lucky to be coming home someday _

_ Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh _

_ Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh" _

The screen cut back to the first image, when Bucky finally pulled Steve free. The video slowed down to show them crashing into each other and the song faded out. 

“Do you have any comments?” the interviewer asked. He was grinning like he’d been handed a Christmas gift early. 

“What the FU-” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I really did that. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!


	3. YeOtEd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, two uploads in one day! Enjoy and please stay safe rn!

“Pepper!” Steve said, storming off stage. “What was that?” 

“That,” Pepper said, tapping something on her Ipad. “Was good PR. Get back on, you still have eleven minutes left.” 

“I am not going back in there! That was humiliating! I can’t believe you just ambushed us like that!” Steve yelled. Pepper, for her part, looked completely unconcerned about the Super Soldier towering over her, and instead held up a finger to pause him while she took a call on her phone. 

“”Hello? I- Okay, calm down, I am sure Tony will know what to do. Well- Yes I am aware that you will be grounded. Yes you do deserve it. Okay well just dig it yourself then. Okay, buh bye.” Pepper said. “Sorry, you were saying?” 

“You can’t really expect us to be okay with going back in there, can you?” Bucky asked. 

“I can and I do.” Pepper said. “Listen, Bucky in all honesty, the public will see you one of two ways, either the evil russion assassin that is a threat to humanity, or as captain america's boyfriend, and I’ll let you guess which angle I have been trying to work for months now.” 

“That video was completely out of context!” Steve said. 

“You know, as a fellow evil russion assassin,” Natasha said, stepping from behind something. “I can promise it isn’t as bad as it seems.” 

“No,” Bucky said. 

“Oh come on, do you want the gray or the black t shirt.” Natasha said, holding up two shirts that said  _ world's second best russion killer _ . 

“Did you make those yourself?” Bucky asked. 

“Yep! There’s another one for Wanda.”

“Listen, you two get back out there or I am releasing all the footage of you two I have tomorrow. You guess which will be better.” Pepper said. Sighing, Bucky walked back on stage with Steve in tow. 

“Live in three… two…” 

\--- 

“Hello Peter,” Natasha said on the first ring. Peter paused, surprised. 

“How could you tell it was me? I’m on a payphone.” Peter said. 

“Lucky guess. What do you need?” Natasha asked. Peter shifted his gaze to the bodies on the sidewalk. 

“Do you know how deep the minimum is for digging a grave?” He asked. “Like, does it definitely have to be six feet, or like, is three or four good enough?” 

The phone was quiet for almost a full minute, before Natasha spoke again. “Stay put, I’ll be right there.” 

“Wait! Natasha? Natasha, did I do something wrong?” The phone clicked off and the auto message started playing again. He sadly hung up the phone and looked down at the pile of bodies he’d taken off the street. 

“I think this is definitely wrong.” 

\--- 

“Bucky, can I call you Bucky?” The interviewer asked. Bucky forced a smile, side eyeing Pepper on screen. She gave him a thumbs up. 

“Of course,” He said, hoping his voice didn’t sound too much like a threat. 

“Bucky, what is your initial reaction from that video?” The interviewer asked. 

“Well… Uh…” He looked at Steve, who was pretty useless at this point. He was still grumbling to himself. “I think… a lot of things were taken out of context…” 

“So… you didn’t slow dance with Steve?” The interviewer asked. 

“Uh…  _ I  _ didn’t.” He said. Pepper face palmed. 

“Then who was he dancing with?” The man asked. 

“His… best friend?” He said. 

“And who is Steve’s best friend?” 

“...me.”

“So, it was you in the video?” The man asked again. 

“Shit- uh, no…?” He said. Pepper left the room. 

“Alright, well we’ll assume you where for right now. How do you feel, with the world seeing a different side of the infamous  _ Winter Soldier _ than ever before?” The newsman asked. Bucky couldn’t even remember his responses, but he managed to bullshit his way through the interview to the best of his ability. 

About four minutes in Steve ended up falling asleep on his shoulder, which was not, by the way, helping to convince them they weren't dating. He tried to sneakily wake him up, but by the end he elbowed him hard enough that they both almost fell off the sofa. 

“Hi… Pepper,” Bucky said. He’d been unsuccessful in trying to wake Steve up, and had decided to just drap Steve’s arm over his own shoulder, using his metal arm to keep him upright. 

“That isn’t me? Really?” Pepper said. Still, she was smiling, so that was good. 

“Well I panicked okay? I’m sorry.” Bucky said. “In my defence, there wasn’t much deniability there okay?” 

“I’m not saying anything,” Pepper said, walking away. “Oh wait, yes I am, I called Happy to come pick you up, but I need you to tell him to also help look for Peter before you get home, kay?” 

“Isn’t he super not supposed to be leaving the house?” Bucky asked. 

“Eh,” Pepper said. “He’s the strongest living thing on this planet to date, there isn’t much we can stop him from doing.” 

“Isn’t that insanely dangerous?” Bucky asked. Pepper just raised her eyebrows. “Okay, message received.” 

“Good. And, this should go without saying, but don’t let him bring  _ any _ bodies in the car. Even if Tony said it was fine, alright?” Pepper said, leaving before Bucky could respond. 

“Great.” He said, dragging Steve along with him into the elevator. Three minutes of uncomfortable eye contact with the man who had previously been interviewing them later, he was dragging Steve onto the street, where Happy was waiting. 

“Hi Happy, Pepper told me to tell you that we need to pock Peter up.” He said. 

“Fine, where is he?” Happy asked. 

“No idea. Probably somewhere with dead bodies. Unburied dead bodies.” 

Happy slowly turned to look at them, his expression practically dripping in exasperation. “He better not bring them in the car.” 

“Is that… all you have to say?” He asked. 

“Listen, one time that kid convinced me to let him bring four full grown pigs about to be killed at his school in my car, human bodies are not the weirdest thing I have seen tonight.” 

“What… is the strangest?” He asked as Bucky backed out at an alarmingly fast pace. 

“Don’t forget Tony Stark is my boss.” 

0o0o0o

“Peter?” Bucky called, leaning his body out the window. Peter jumped, sticking to the side of the building. He pulled his mask back over his face and narrowed his, disturbingly large, eyes at him. 

“Hey! I’ve got a secret identity to keep here!” Peter said. “Oh, hi Happy!” 

Happy grunted at him and unlocked the door, ignoring the kid as much as he could. “Leave the bodies outside.” 

“What bodies?” Peter asked. Behind him, a mass of… something… fell behind him. Peter winced. “Okay.” 

“Good.” Happy said. Peter got in and Happy pressed a button, the shade going up. 

“Does he do that a lot?” Bucky asked. 

“Basically whenever I get in the car.” Peter said. “Is he asleep?” 

Bucky looked down at Steve, who had somehow sprawled across Bucky's lap and was leaning his head on the window. “It’s eight fifteen.” 

“Ah.” Peter said, bobbing his spiderhead. “It’s nice that at least  _ someone _ goes to bed before me.” 

“Didn’t Tony make your bedtime Nine Thirty.” Bucky asked. Peter glared at him, which was really just the mask narrowing its eyes, but he got the message. 

“In my defence, Mr. Stark doesn't really get normal bedtimes in the first place.” 

“Do you ever break it?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. The spider mask eyes widened. 

“No!” He laughed at Peter’s sensarety. “Mr. Barns, Mr. Stark can be  _ scary _ when he wants to be. One time I tried to get out of bed and my floor just… stopped… flooring.” 

“He took away your floor?” Bucky asked. Peter nodded. “You seem to have overcome your fear, given you are out here tonight. What were you even doing?” 

Peter shifted in his seat, pulling the fabric around his fingers. “It’s just… No one was gonna bury the sick people who died if they weren't reported.” 

“So you were trying to clear the street?” Bucky asked. Peter shook his head. 

“They still deserve to be buried. Just because they are homeless doesn't mean they don’t deserve to be helped. Or, if no one helps them, buried.” 

“I’m sure there are people who do that,” Bucky said. 

“Well… they have Mr. Rogers do it, but there’s only one of him. Besides, just because humans aren't going anywhere, doesn't mean the animals aren't. By the time I get to some of them the crows have already eaten their eyes out. And…  _ other things _ .” 

“Gross.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. Peter's seen some things man. Comment if there is anything specific you wanna see in later chapters, bc I don't have to much blocked out for this story yet. Alright, enjoy the rest of your life!


	4. The author feels no remorse bitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, remember fluff? Yeah, she's dead. I killed her. Meet my new friend... 
> 
> ANGST

“Mr, Stark?” Peter asked, walking into the lab. His eyes landed on Tony, who was bent over a project on the table. He didn’t respond. “Mr. Stark? Hello?” 

“He probably can’t hear you,” Bruce said, from the far corner. Peter startled at the sudden voice and somehow ended up on the ceiling. “Ugh, I hate when you do that.” 

“Sorry,” Peter said, slowly dropping down. “Uh, why can’t he hear me?” 

“He’s working on the vaccine for COVID. When he gets like that it’s pretty hard for anything to get through to him.” Bruce said. “When he made those air purifiers that healed and improved the ozone he didn’t speak for like, two months.” 

“Really?” He asked. Bruce nodded. 

“Oh yeah, watch this,” Bruce said. He balled up a piece of scratch paper and chicken it at his head. Tony didn’t even blink. “He’s like a wall.” 

Peter jumped back onto the ceiling, crawling so he was directly over the wall and attached his web to the ceiling. Slowly, he lowered himself in front of the man's face. 

“Here, try this,” Bruce said, throwing a pen at Peter. Peter caught it and tapped Tony in the face. 

“Oh, hey Pete,” Tony said, maintaining his composer. “How long have you been here?” 

“Oh, not long Mr. Stark.” He said, dropping down. “What are you working on?” 

“Unbelievable,” Bruce said, shaking his head. Tony launched into a detailed explanation of the immunity they had already found in some people who have fought off COVID and how he was testing it in vaccines already. 

“I was  _ going _ to test one on myself, but  _ someone- _ ” Tony said, narrowing his eyes at bruce. “Stopped me.” 

“It was NOT SAFE for-” 

“Oh my gosh, you melt one table, and it follows you for the rest of the day,” Tony said. “Here, Peter, can you help me with this, I need someone to test that whole other row over there on the plastic before we progress to other stages.” 

“Of course!” Peter said, flipping off his web and walking over to the tubes. This was much more fun than science class. 

\--- 

“Hey Peter,” MJ said, swinging around the doorframe. Peter looked up, lifting the goggles off his face. “Have you heard from Gwen?” 

Peter searched his memory. Gwen was more MJ’s friend than his, but they ended up hanging out a lot anyway. She was nice, Ned had been trying to get a date with her for months now. She’d seemed strange the last few weeks though, and completely silent. Normally she would have texted him  _ something _ at this point in isolation, even if it was just TikTok. 

“Uh, no I haven't. Has she not texted you? I thought you were best friends.” He said. MJ screwed up her face. 

“Not best. Remember Halloween?” She asked. Peter did. They’d been weird and cold to each other all night. 

“I remember something happened. You never explained to me what it was though.” Peter said. He’d just waited for everything to blow over. 

“She was hitting on you all night,” MJ said. “Remember, she wore that freaken, like, bedazzled spiderman suit made out of leather and mesh.” 

“I thought she just liked superheroes.” Peter said. MJ rolled her eyes. 

“Well, anyway, she just sent me this,” She said, throwing her phone at Peter. He caught it and looked at the message. 

_ Hey MJ,  _

_ I might not come back to school  _

_ My dad wants to move me across the  _

_ Country away from my mom so if  _

_ I don’t come back don’t worry  _

_ About me. Also, tell Ned that  _

_ I’m sorry the date didn’t work  _

_ Out and to ditch the hat.  _

_ Sorry things have been  _

_ Weird between us I hope  _

_ You remember me well.  _

“That’s… weird.” Peter said, glancing at the two adults in the room. Thankfully, they were both so absorbed in their work they didn’t catch anything being said. 

“That isn’t an ‘I’m moving’ text,” MJ said. “Anyway, if you haven't heard anything don’t worry about it.”

“I’m definitely about to worry about it,” Peter said. 

“Ugh, don’t. She’ll take it the wrong way.” MJ said. 

“You know, boys and girls  _ can _ be MJ's friends MJ,” He said. He still didn’t buy that Gwen had ever liked him. 

“No, they can’t. They either want money or to screw you, Peter.” MJ said. “Right Tony?” 

“Hm?” Tony said. 

“Boys and girls can’t be just friends in high school?” She said. 

“Oh, of course not,” Tony said. 

“I’m still gonna check on her. Besides,” He said. “She always has Ned.” 

\--- 

Peter had been swinging around for a while, trying to figure out the GPS in his suit. Karen kept insisting it was a bad idea, so he kept trying to manually input it. He hadn’t thought about what he was going to do once he actually got there. An impromptu visit from Spiderman may be a bit strange. 

“Peter, I know our previous agreement-” 

“You mean you refusing to help me, I remember it,” He said, trying to figure out how to scroll. 

“I believe I have located Gwen.” She said. 

“What- you have? Great! Where is she?” He asked, his frustration forgotten. 

“She is on 3 Jackson Park building,” Karen said, highlighting the path. “Peter, I should warn you that-” 

“This way?” He asked, swinging. 

“Yes, Peter.” She said. He swore she sounded exasperated. 

“Wait, why is she in that building?” He asked, pausing momentarily to tilt his head. 

“Peter, please increase your speed,” Karen said, using her urgent voice. 

“Wait… what? Why?” 

“Peter, now!” Karen said. Startled, he shot a web to the next rooftop, following the yellow line. 

“Oh shit, is that the building?” He asked. It was… tall. Huge even. The three buildings were, as far as he could tell, residential, and acted like mirrors to the sky and city around them. He could just barely make out the outline of a girl on top of one. 

“That is Gwen Peter, please hurry, you do not have much time,” Karen said. 

“Time before what?” He asked, “Is there someone else up there?” 

“No, Peter please-” 

\--- 

“Hey, guys?” Tony said, tilting the monitor so the light didn’t bounce off of it so much. He’d accepted that Peter would be sneaking out, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be keeping tabs. 

“What did you do this time?” Bruce asked, stretching and walking over. 

“Um, it’s not what I did, look,” Tony said. On-screen Peter swung around, following Karen's path, before stopping and talking to her for a second. 

“What am I looking at?” Bruce asked. 

“Shit- uh, Friday, call everyone in here!” Tony said. 

“Calling to the lab,” Friday said. 

“Tony, what’s going on?” Bruce asked. 

“That’s Gwen, she’s Pete and MJ’s friend,” Tony said. Steve and Bucky walked through the doors, chatting loudly. “MJ was saying how she hadn’t heard anything from her but a strange text, and then Peter found her like this,” Tony said. 

“Oh shit, is she gonna jump?” Bruce asked. 

“Is who gonna jump? From what?” Steve asked. 

“I think so,” Tony said. 

“What’s going on? Friday said it was urgent.” Clint said. MJ and Natasha came in at the same time. 

“MJ, go wait outside,” Tony said. They looked at him confused. “Outside, right now.” 

“Why-” Clint staired. 

“That falls under the false imprisonment act of-” Mj started. 

“MJ, normally I love you being a smartass, but if you don’t get out, a robot is removing you.” tony said. She sighed and slowly made her way to the door. 

“Butterfingers,” Tony said. He didn’t watch what happened, but Friday announced she’d left the room. 

“Tony,  _ what is going on _ ?” Natasha said. Tony shushed her and pointed to the screen. “Is that Peter?” 

“Yes.” He said. “He found Gwen.” 

“Then why did you make MJ leave?” Clint asked. “Isn’t that a good thing?” 

“Just watch,” Tony said. The small outline on the tower keeled forward, and Peter, or spiderman, bolted forward. He moved at a mile a minute, jumping from one roof to another. The TV slowed down what happened so they could keep up, but it didn’t really need to. 

Peter was on top of the building next to the one she fell from, and shot a web, catching her around the middle, a moment before she came in contact with the ground. For a second it looked like he had stopped her from hitting the ground. 

But the weight of her fall pulled hard enough on the web that she still collided, her head banding hard on the concrete before her limp body bounced back up. 

“Friday?” He asked, his voice sounded strange and tight, even to him. 

“I am not picking up any titles for Gwen Stacy sir,” Friday said. “Would you like a full report of her injuries preceding her death?” 

“No.” He said, rubbing his forehead. 

“Wait, that’s it?” Bucky asked. “She’s dead? There’s nothing we can do?” 

“I guess,” Bruce said. 

“I gotta go,” Tony said, standing up. 

“Where are you going?” Sam asked while Tony selected an Ironman suit. 

“To go pick up my fucking kid.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, please don't kill me. Or do and make it fast.


	5. LoLz We'Re A GoInG tO AnGsT tOwN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We call this; controlling what we can, when things feel out of control.
> 
> And don't tell me I need to update the college AU. I KNOW. Believe me, I know. *sobs into keyboard*

Peter froze when he heard the dull thud of Gwen hitting the pavement. He stared at her limp body for a moment, before racing to go check her for a pulse. For once he was thankful for New York's desertedness. He didn’t think he would be able to handle it if there was a big crowd here.

“Gwen?” He asked, shaking her. Her eyes bounced open, fixing him with an empty stair. Her right eye was clear and normal, the same bright blue color it had always been, but the left eye was completely red. 

Startled, he stepped back, raising his hands to his face. He wanted to claw off the mask. It was pressing over his nose, and around his throat tight enough he felt like it was keeping him from breathing. 

He wanted to rip off the whole suit, and attach a web to the building and never look back. He wanted to swing far enough away that there were no buildings to swing from anymore. To crush his web-shooters underneath his shoe and shave his head and escape it all. 

Instead, he stood still. Gwen- Gwen’s body, swung in a circle around the tile, nauseating him. Her blond hair, which she had chopped off in the bathroom, was just long enough to brush the concrete tile. The part she had buzzed off last month was saturated with blood. He resisted the urge to clap his hands over his ear. He knew it still wouldn’t block the noise out. 

“-ter. Peter. Peter.” Karen's voice blocked out his thoughts. 

“Have you been talking the whole time?” he asked. 

“Yes Peter.” She said, her voice tense. “I did not stop communicating with you. Were you experiencing temporary deafness?” 

“N-No uh, no I wasn’t.” 

“Peter, I have been trying to inform you that Tony Stark will arrive in 97 seconds. Please do not leave the current location.” Karen said. She kept talking, but he didn’t even try to listen to the rest of what she had to say. The noise of Gwen’s blood felt like a sledgehammer in his ear every time another drop fell. 

The mask was filtering his air the best it could, but the smell of blood was pretty hard to get rid of. He couldn’t even tell if he was really smelling it, or if he just remembered it. It wasn’t true what books and movies seemed to say, everyone's blood smelt the same to him. 

Tony was going to be here any second, he needed to pull himself together before he got there. He looked around, seeing no one there, and pulled off his mask. He gasped in a few breaths, before the smell of blood caught up with him, hitting him in the back of the throat. 

He couldn’t escape it. 

\--- 

“Hey MJ?” Clint said, stepping back into the hallway, where she had been waiting, her arms crossed in a childlike way. 

“You ready to let me back in yet?” She asked. 

“Why don’t you come back up to our floor. We need to talk to you about something.” 

“Oh boy, who died?” She asked, rolling her eyes. She looked back at him, freezing. “Wait- you're serious. Did someone actually-” 

“Come on.” He said, putting a hand on her shoulder and steering her upstairs. She followed, entering the elevator without protest, but she stayed on guard the whole time. 

By the time they made it to their living room, where Natasha was already waiting, MJ looked about ready to jump out one of the windows to escape. Part of why Clint had kept his hand on her shoulder the whole time. 

“Hi MJ.” Nat said. MJ looked at her suspiciously. “Come sit down.” 

“Why?” She asked. “You aren't going to like, try and sell me or anything, are you?”

“What- no!” Clint said. “We need to talk to you about your friends.” 

“Easy, I don’t have any. Can I go now?” She asked, trying to stand back up. Clint pulled her back down. 

“MJ, you remember Gwen, correct?” Natasha asked. MJ looked between them before nodding. “There was an incident involving her and Peter.” 

“Are they okay?” MJ asked. 

“Peter isn’t hurt.” Clint said. 

“But Gwen was.” Natasha said. “Listen MJ, we don’t know exactly what happened or why, but there is very,  _ very _ little chance Gwen is alive, and even if she is, she won’t be normal again.” Natasha said plainly. 

“This has gotta be a joke right?” She asked. “I mean, people don’t just die like that, do they?” 

“Sometimes they do,” Natasha said. 

“But she was alive like, two hours ago, she texted me,” MJ said, taking out her phone. She pointed to the thread. 

“She isn’t now,” Natasha said. “At least we can hope she’s not.” 

MJ whipped her head around to look between them. “There’s no way she died just like that,” MJ said. “What  _ happened _ ?” 

“Uh,” Clint said, looking at Natasha.

“She fell and hit her head,” Natasha said simply. 

“And how does this relate to Peter?” She asked. 

“Peter tried to catch her,” Natasha said simply. “It didn’t work.” 

“What did she fall on then? Where was she? Why would Peter be there?” MJ asked.

“Take a deep breath MJ,” Natasha said. MJ did as she was told, through her breathing faltered a bit, “I know this isn’t something you are used to, but it is best if you try not to think about it right now. Why don’t you go find something to distract yourself for a minute so I and Clint can talk. We’ll let you know more then.” 

Natasha spoke kindly, but distantly. It was something she had mastered living with the team. Clint was maybe the only one not fooled by it. He knew that whatever she was actually thinking or feeling was deep, deep, under that. Still, MJ nodded and stood shakily. 

“Alright. I’m… I’m gonna go shower. I’ll be back.” She said. Clint squeezed her arm before letting her go. Once they heard the water start, Natasha relaxed. 

“So, what are we gonna do?” Clint asked. 

“I have no idea. How much should we tell her?” Natasha asked. 

“I think,” Clint said, lowering his voice just to make sure MJ couldn’t hear, “That telling her it was suicide right now is dangerous.” 

“It won’t be any better if we lie about it and she finds out anyway,” Natasha said. 

“Do you not think I can lie to a child Romanov? I’m offended.” Clint said. Natasha swatted him in the arm. 

“I think  _ you _ could, but I don't know about Peter. Remember the time when he got a D on a paper and tried to lie to Tony about it?” Natasha said. 

“Yes, I also remember Tony being disappointed it was Peter’s first D,” Clint said. 

“We can’t have a plan that hinges on Peter being able to lie,” Natasha said. “Besides, if we train her right, she’ll be able to see through the lie when she’s older.”

“So… we tell her?” Clint asked. He reached over to play with Natasha's hair, scooting closer and earning himself a glare. It was worth it to get to play with her curls though. 

“Not right away, I don’t want to break her. We’ll see if Peter says anything and if he doesn't…” Natasha said. “Well, I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” 

“Sounds like a shaky plan,” Clint said. “You know, we’re assassins, we should be able to think on our feet,” Clint said. 

“Usually if I can’t think of a plan, I can always keep murder in my back pocket,” Natasha said. “Does Not work as well with kids.” 

“Hm,” Clint said. “I dunno, I’m pretty sure Tony’s threatened Peter’s life before,” Clint said. 

“That’s different,” Natasha said. “He  _ wants _ to die.” 

\--- 

MJ had finished her shower, which was equal parts washing her hair and staring directly at the spray of water and trying to figure out how this was some kind of elaborate joke.

When she got out, a pair of pj’s left outside of her door. The bottoms were thin cotton pants with arrows printed on them. The top was a black cami with a huge hoodie underneath. After getting dressed, she made her way as quietly as she could to the living room. As soon as Clint saw her he stood up. 

“Hey!” Clint said.

“Hi…” She said. 

“We’re gonna order food. Do you want food? Come here, we have like, three hundred fast-food menus in the corner.” He said. She looked between the two of them. Natasha nodded at her to follow him. 

She shuffled into the kitchen, almost slipping on the hardwood in the socks she’d found in her drawer. Clint grabbed her to keep her upright and steered her to the corner. 

“Here, we have basically everything. I can cook, but  _ someone _ has problems with my technique.” Clint said, narrowing his eyes at Natasha. 

“You literally only know how to make pancakes,” Natasha said. “Excuse me for dieting.”

“You are excused,” Clint said. Natasha rolled her eyes and grabbed the remote off of the side table. 

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” MJ asked. They both pretended to not hear her, instead, Clint shoved a pile of menus under her nose. 

“Here, we don’t know who pays for food in the tower, but we never have to when we order, so get whatever you want.” He said. “Just write it down and I’ll order.” 

She ended up writing down some falafel burger thing and handed the menu back to Clint. “Good. Go sit with Nat, the food will be here soon.”

“Kay.” She said, walking more carefully to sit next to Natasha. “So what happened to Gwen?” 

“Here, help me pick a show,” Natasha said, handing the remote to MJ. She flipped through while continuing to talk. 

“She was  _ my age _ . How did she just… slip off a building? She did gym, there is no way she would have just-” 

“Here, let’s watch this show,” Clint said, grabbing the remote from her hands and clicking on the show it had landed on. Which happened to be Say Yes To The Dress. 

“Fine,” She said. “Will you guys please tell me what-” 

“Shush… it’s starting.” Clint said, jumping over the back of the sofa and covering her mouth. She glared at him, before biting his hand. 

“Aw, look, Tash, she thinks that’ll make me let go,” Clint said. Natasha just laughed. She glared but didn’t continue to try and escape, instead turning her attention to the TV. They hadn’t, of course, started with the first episode, Natasha said that was too depressing, so she had chosen some random one in season 9. Around the time the woman was explaining she wanted a polka dot wedding dress, Friday announced the food was there. 

Clint got up to go get it, while Natasha and her stayed behind. “You promised you would tell me what happened if I let you and Clint talk to Natasha,” MJ said. Natasha didn’t react. 

“Here MJ,” Clint said, throwing a plastic take-out container at her and a bottle of pop. She grumbled but settled down with her food anyway. 

It wasn’t until the next episode, which happened to be about a dying girl, then MJ figured it out. 

“Oh my gosh,” She said, setting down her food. Clint and Natasha looked at her concerned. “Gwen killed herself, didn’t she?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NGL, I am kinda in love with Clint and Nat being MJ's new parents. Let me know what ya'll think.


	6. Heeeherrrrrrrrrrr

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I wrote this to avoid the other fic, no I didn't spell check it, yes I am okay I SWEAR

Tony steered Peter to a bench in the park. Although ‘park’ was a little generous. It was closer to a garden with a bench. Squeezed between two brick buildings, the park was pretty secluded. Tony had only ever seen one other person there, and he had been trying to find drugs. What with everything in lock down, there was no way anyone would find them, so he felt fine removing Peter’s mask. 

“Why uh-” Peter cut off and cleared his throat. “Why are we here? Sir?”

“Stop it with the Sir already.” Tony said, sitting down next to him. The suit walked over to the gate to keep watch. 

“Why are we here Mr. Stark?” Peter asked. He keeped playing with the gloves of his spidey suit, twisting them around so Tony was worried even his suit might not hold up. He was horrified when he realised the kid was twisting his fingers as well. 

“Stop that, you're gonna break your spider bones,” He said, leaning his head against a building. “This Peter, is a park.” 

“I uh, got that. Listen, shouldn’t we go back, tell the police what-” 

“Shh.” Tony said, covering his mouth. Peter snapped his mouth shut and glared at him. “Listed, you are too wigged to go back home yet, and I know letting you distract yourself with the police is an awful idea right now.” 

“But why here?” Peter asked. Tony sighed. 

“Even if the streets filled up tomorrow, this little corner is almost always empty.” Tony said. “It’s a good place to come and think for a minute.” 

“It’s probably empty because of the walls we had to jump to get here.” Peter said. “And the No Trespass sign and the-” 

“See,” Tony said. “There you go, with the distracting.”

“Sorry,” Peter said, tucking his chin against his chest. 

“Don’t apologize,” Tony said, wiping a smudge of blood off of his shoulder. “Stop.” 

“Yes sir.”

“Ugh,” Tony said. “It’s gonna take a while to get you to let that one go still, huh.” Peter didn’t reply, instead just pulled his legs up and rested his chin on his knees.

Tony rubbed his head for a second, watching the teen try to burn a hole in the brick wall in front of him with his eyes, before trying to say anything. 

“You can’t be expected to save everyone Pete,” He said. Peter didn’t look at him, but did open his mouth. 

“You can.” Peter said finally. Tony swore his mouth dropped at that. 

“ _ I  _ save everyone? Peter, bud, I don’t know how closely you followed my life before you joined us here, but I actually worked to  _ end _ lives. I have more blood on my hands then almost anyone alive today.” He said. Peter didn’t react. 

“Yeah, but you  _ meant _ to do that.” Peter said. “If you hadn’t wanted them to die they wouldn’t have.”

Tony sighed, before grabbing his wallet. He took out a picture, which he kept tucked behind his ID, and handed it to Peter. 

“Who’s this?” Peter asked, shifting so he was sitting cross legged. 

“That,” Tony said “Is Lilly Brown,” 

Peter looked at him, before glancing back at the photo. “Why is she in your wallet?” 

“Don’t worry, your mugshot is on the other side.” He said, Messing up Peter’s hair. He just kept staring. “She was a little girl. She’d be about eleven now.” 

“She looks younger in this photo.” Peter said. 

“Yeah, well that would be because she died when she was eight.” Tony said. Peter turned to look at him. 

“She’s dead?” Peter asked. 

“Yep. I was working in my workshop, screwed up on one of the suits, it shot out of the building and onto the street. Parilised her older brother, killed her.” Tony said. 

“Is he okay?” Peter asked. 

“Well, he sure as hell lost the basketball scholarship he had to Stanferd.” Tony said. He’d offered to pay for the kid, but the family had turned down the money, not wanting his help. He’d still given them the check, but he never looked to see if it was deposited. 

“Oh,” Peter said. 

“Listen kid, there are a million people we save every year, some year billions, some year hundreds, but we just can’t get everyone. No one blames you.” 

“She was my friend.” Peter said. His eyes filled with tears as he looked at the brick wall. He worked his jaw so hard Tony worried his teeth would crack. 

“She made her own choice. You couldn’t stop that, not if she really wanted to. No one could.” 

\---

“I don’t know why you think that MJ,” Clint said, putting a hand on her back. She turned to glare at him. 

“Of course! It makes so much sense now! The weird note, the falling, why Peter was there I-”

“MJ.” Natasha said, grabbing her hand in a vice grip. “Take a deep breath.” 

She did so, keeping eye contact. She couldn’t see Clint facing Natasha, but she could hear him shaking his head behind her back. “It’s my fault.” 

“No! No no no. Of course it isn’t!” Clint said. He gently turned her shoulders so she had no choice but to look at him. “Why would you think that.” 

“The messages.” She said. “Oh my goodness, I killed her.” 

“You didn’t kill anyone.” Natasha said. “I don’t care what you texted her.” 

“Um, maybe you should read the texts first.” MJ said, grabbing her phone off the table. She opened the messages and handed it to her. 

Natasha scrolled down to the most recent. 

_ I’m sorry MJ. I’m so sorry. I won’t ever do what I did again. Please don’t be angry with me anymore. I can’t live with that.  _

“Okay, I will admit that might not have been the best thing to say,” Natasha said. 

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know!” MJ said. 

“I’m sure, whatever it was, that it couldn’t have-” Clint said. 

“I said ‘then don’t’” MJ said. Clint winced. 

“Alright, but you didn’t… make her jump.” Clint said. 

“Why did you do that MJ?” Natasha asked. “That seems unlike you.” 

“Well we weren't really talking!” MJ said. “I mean, she was in my friend group, but things were just… weird between us! Last time I saw her face to face she had Peter pinned to a wall!” MJ said, burying her head in her hands. 

“Okay-” 

“That was two days ago!” MJ said. “She knew we were together! I thought we weren't speaking!I didn’t know what to do with that!”

“Nobody would.” Clint said comfortingly, rubbing her back. “I promis half of the people in this tower would have been worse than you were.” 

“And the other half?” MJ asked. 

“I have never seen Steve Rogers successfully respond to a text in his life.” Natasha said. MJ just hummed. 

“It’ll be okay,” Clint said. “Just try not to worry about it.” 

“I basically just killed my friend!” MJ said. 

“Where are you in the building with her?” Natasha asked. 

“What?” 

“You heard me, did you stand on the rooftop with her?” Natasha said again. 

“I- no? I was here.” 

“So you didn’t push her off then.” Natasha asked. 

“No! I wouldn’t ever actually try and kill someone.” MJ said. 

“Great, then you didn’t kill her.” Natasha said. “Simple.” 

“But I told her-” MJ started. 

“You made a joke that thousands of people have made MJ, you didn’t seriously try to get her killed, and that is all that matters.” Natasha said. 

“I-...” MJ said, sighing. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Clint asked. 

“Okay. Can I go to my room please?” She asked. 

“Go ahead,” Natasha said. “We’ll be out here for a while if you need to talk.” 

“Okay,” MJ said, about to shuffle off. 

“Hey, take your food with you, you hardly ate.” Clint said, handing her the container. MJ grabbed it and fled back to her room, closing the door loudly behind her. 

“That was weird right?” Clint asked. 

“Definitely.” Natasha said. 

“Should we go check on her?” Clint asked. 

“No, let her think she’s being sneaky. We’ll ask Friday for updates.” 

\--- 

“Okay Pete, I get you don’t want to talk about it, but this is a little ridiculous.” Tony said, looking at the map Peter had handed him. 

“No no no, look, see if I just increase my patrol hours to this, the number of deaths in New York will be down almost 80%!” Peter said. 

“First of all, you need to check your math, second, I am absolutely not approving you to patrol 98 hours a week. You have school!” Tony said. 

“Mr. Stark, I can’t let this happen again. If I hadn’t been doing homework when she jumped, I would have been able to get there in time.” Peter said. 

“You can’t blame yourself for her jumping Peter.” Tony said. 

“I don’t.” Peter said stubbornly, crossing his arms.

“You don’t?” Tony said. 

“Nu uh.” Peter said. 

“Hey Friday?” Tony asked. Peter’s eyes widened. “Has any new coding been added recently?” 

“Yes sir. There have been several lines of code, added with your most recent coding language, in the last three hours.” Friday informed. 

“Care to tell the spiderling what that code does?” Tony asked. 

“The code insures the disruptions of sleep for Peter B. Parker in the case of someone in New York or the surrounding areas attempting to commit any act that would end someone's life, be it their own or another's.” 

“Don’t blame yourself huh?” Tony asked. Peter glared at his shoes. “Come on, let’s go to the lab.” 

“Why the lab?” Peter asked, standing to follow him. 

“Because that’s the only place I can think of where I know you can’t escape without me knowing.” Tony said. “Besides, I need some help with Dumm-e. I think he’s lonely.” 

“I’ve been telling you Mr. Stark, you need to set him and butterfingers up!” Peter said, his friend momentarily forgotten. This wasn’t going to be fun to deal with later, but at least for now, he was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author.ex has stopped functioning.


	7. Did yah want angst? did u? Here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. I didn't skimp on the angst, did I?

MJ was about to crawl into bed when she heard something going on downstairs. To curios by the shouting to let it go, she lifted the covers off herself and snuck into the elevator. 

“Hey, Friday?” She asked, once inside. “What’s going on?” 

“It would appear that Peter Parker is upset about the differing opinions he and boss have in his well being,” Friday said.

“Huh. Can you show me to his room?” She asked. 

“Of course miss,” Friday said. “Would you like me to alert your boss that you are in Mr. Parker's room?” she asked. 

“Nah,” She said. “Can you tell me what they were arguing about?”

“Boss seemed to think that Peter had an unreasonable expectation for the hours he would be able to work,” Friday informed. “I believe that you two have actually taken similar stances concerning this issue.” 

“What issue-” she started to ask, cut off by the doors sliding open, to reveal Tony, with his arms crossed at the door. 

“Hi MJ,” He said. 

“He-ey.” She said. “Can I- you know what, never mind. Kick me out if you want to.” She said, ducking under his arm. She didn’t have the energy to be nice anymore. 

“Oh no, go right ahead. Of course, you don’t need me to tell you that Peter’s door is the last one on your right with  _ the giant dent in the wall!” _ Tony called after her. She just sped up. Admittedly, she didn’t actually know which one was Peters, but she could have figured it out on her own. 

She paused before going in, resting her hand on the door before knocking. Peter didn’t respond. 

“You may go in ma’am,” Friday said. 

“Thanks,” She muttered, before swinging the door open. 

It took her a minute to actually find Peter. Eventually, she realized that one of the lumps on the bed was breathing, and she made her way over to it. “Peter,” She said. No response. 

Instead of calling his name over and over, she grabbed the closest thing, which happened to be his math notebook, and chucked it at his head. He sat bolt upright at that, startled. 

“MJ!” He said, looking around for a second before realizing what happened. “Oh, hey.” 

“Hey,” She said, taking a seat on the bed. 

“Gwen um,” Peter said, his voice shaking. 

“Clint and Nat already told me,” She said, scrubbing her face with her hand. “It’s… yeah.” 

“I just can’t believe it,” Peter said, curling up into a ball. She scooted closer and leaned on him. One of the nice things about Peter was it was relatively easy to comfort him. All the weirdo really wanted to be a hug. 

“You were there.” She said. It wasn’t a question. Peter nodded his head a little, before burying his face in his knees again. “Hey, stop that.” 

“Stop what?” He asked, not looking up. She grabbed the color of his hoodie and yanked hard so he fell onto her. 

“The whole silent broody hero thing. It doesn't suit you.” She said. “And you look like a kicked puppy when you pout.” 

“Hmph,” Peter said, crossing his arms. “So you know?” 

“Yeah, I know.” She said, immediately sobering. “They didn’t tell me everything at first, but I figured it out.” 

“Ah,” Peter said.

“What were you and Tony fighting about?” She asked. “Friday said there was a disagreement.” 

Peter perked up at that, and grabbed his sketchbook off the table. He didn’t draw like she did, but he swore they were better for blueprints then grid paper. “I came up with a plan. I think I can stop this from ever happening again.” 

“Stop what, suicide?” She asked. Peter winced at the word.

“Well… yeah! Not everywhere, not yet, but in new york at least. See-” He started, flipping through the pages. 

“Before you start, please tell me your idea isn’t to single-handedly patrol the streets 24/7 and just prevent anyone from jumping. That  _ isn’t _ your plan, right?” she asked. Peter put down the notebook. 

“There was more to it than that.” He said. “But… basically.” 

“Peter, that is the stupidest thing I have heard, and I once watched you and Ned both play a single piccolo.” She said.

“No, because I’m going to-” Peter said, grabbing the book again. MJ snatched it and threw it across the room. “Hey!” 

“No.” She said. 

“No?” He asked, tilting his head.

“No.” She reaffirmed. 

“Okay.” Peter said. “What if I got Karen too-” 

“No.” She said. He pouted. 

“Fine.” 

They sat in silence for a minute or so after that. Peter had a big window to the right of his bed, and you could see the sun setting over the skyline from it. 

“Why do you think she did it?” MJ asked finally. Her voice sounded like a reck, even to her. 

“I wish I knew,” Peter said, leaning back against the headboard of his bed. It was the kind with shelves all over it, and he almost knocked off a Rubix cube with his hair. “You know, it's a weird way, I’m glad this happened over isolation.” 

“You are?” She asked, leaning against him. 

“Well, yeah. I mean, I don’t think I could face school after this. At least people won’t be asking us about it or anything.” He said. 

“It was my fault.” She stated. Peter sat bolt upright, making her smack the back of her head on the wall. “Ow.” 

“It’s not your fault!” Peter said. “If anything you kept this from happening for as long as you could!” 

She snorted. “And how could have I done that?” She said.

“Well, you talked to her. Like, all the time. And remember when you let her sleepover because she was afraid of her dad?” 

“She didn’t sleep at my house, she slept at Neds.” She pointed out. 

“But you organized it! If it’s anyone's fault it’s her parents!” Peter said. 

She sighed. The truth is, she wanted to argue with him, but she didn’t have it in her right now. “Fine.” 

They sat in silence for a while longer, before Friday interrupted them. “MJ, Clint Barton has requested that I inform you that you are expected upstairs in ten minutes to start a movie,” Friday said. 

“Ugh, what movie?” She asked. 

“That seems to be a topic of heavy debate. Would you like to hear the contenders?” Friday asked. 

“No.” She said, turning to look at her boyfriend. “You gonna be okay here?” 

“Yeah, Mr. Stark said we would work in the lab in a minute anyway,” Peter said, biting his nails. 

“Okay then,” she said, messing up his hair (more than it already was) before standing up. “But come save me from Clint tomorrow, okay? If he makes me talk about my emotions again I’m gonna hurt that man.” 

“Good luck, Nat’s been trying forever,” Peter said. 

“Okay. You better not be brooding when I come back.” She said playfully. Peter gave her a pity smile before she left, leaving his door intentionally open, just to bug him. 

\---

The movie ended up being  _ P.S. I love you _ , which made Clint cry and Natasha roll her eyes. She couldn’t give much of an opinion on it, her eyes glazed over in the first three minutes. 

All she could think about the whole time was Gwen. Which was kinda weird, because the movie didn’t remind her of Gwen at all, she probably would have hated it, but still. 

It just didn’t make much sense to her. Gwen wasn’t angry or sad all the time, even if she was annoying, MJ just couldn’t buy that she’d kill herself like that. Although she would have been stuck with her family all the time. She knew they hated each other. 

“MJ, did you like the movie?” Clint asked. 

“Uh, yeah. It was great.” She said. “Can I go back to my room now?” 

“Sure, just be in bed at a reasonable time,” Clint said. She nodded and set her untouched bowl of popcorn on the table, before darting off. 

“Would you like me to activate ‘Night Mode’ for you MJ?” Friday asked. 

“No, that’s okay.” She said, sitting on her bed. She grabbed the heavy navy blanket off of it. “Do you have the ability to access articles? Like online?” she asked. 

“Of course I do Michell,” Friday said. “Is there something I could look up for you?” 

“Yeah,” She said. “Do you have anything on suicide prevention groups in schools?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that I have finished the College AU (;-;) I can update this one a little more. If you have any requests for future chapters, feel free to comment down below! Or just say hi!


	8. Oh she been real adopted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Help. Me. Please.

MJ was lost in a pile of papers by the time she heard a knock on her door. “MJ, you awake?” Clint called through the door. 

She froze. At some point around eleven, Friday had activated night mode on her own and drawn the shade. She had no idea how long she’d worked. 

“Um, what time is it?” She asked, scrubbing her face. 

“It’s nine. I have pancakes out here!” Clint called. “Come out when you’re ready!” 

“I- shit!” She whispered, throwing a blanket over her papers, “Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.” 

“Alright, I’ll have food ready,” Clint said. “Hurry up though, we have training today.” 

“Got it.” She said. “Thanks.” 

She jumped off her bed, shaking her head when her vision blurred for a moment. She turned to look at her bed, which was still covered in papers and books she’d grabbed out of a library downstairs somewhere. She sighed, walking into the bathroom that was attached to her room. 

She hadn’t planned on even touching makeup during corona, but she really did look like a pile of garbage. She quickly smeared on come concealer and curled her lashes, adding a little mascary, just for fun. She pulled her hair into a bun on top of her head and changed quickly before heading out. 

“Hi MJ!” Clint said. “Do you want food? I made food. Lot’s of food.” 

“Oh my gosh, how long have you been up?” She asked. There were piles and piles of pancakes, as well as other kinds of breakfast food in the kitchen. 

“Just a few minutes. Half an hour maybe?” Clint said. 

“Don’t scare her like that Clint,” Natasha said. “MJ, would you like a pancake, there are about forty.”

“M’kay,” She said, moving to rub her eye, before remembering the mascara. 

“You sound tired, did Clint wake you up?” Natasha asked. 

“No, I uh, was already awake.” MJ said, sitting down. Clint gave her a plate with far more pancakes than she could eat.

“Mhm,” Natasha said, taking a sip of black coffee. “Sure.” 

“Do you want normal or strawberry syrup?” Clint asked. She shrugged and he handed her both. Sighing, she poured a small amount or strawberry onto the pancakes, watching it seep in through the holes. She hadn’t felt this far from hungry in a long time. 

“Tony told me you talked to Peter last night,” Clint said, eating his large amounts of breakfast standing up. You know, like a heathen. 

“Yeah, I just wanted to check on him,” She said with a shrug. “I figured he would probably make it harder than me.” 

“Because he was there?” Natasha asked. She shook her head. “Why then?” 

“Because he’s  _ Peter _ . Even before the whole superhero thing, he’s had this weird guilt complex. I figured he’d done something stupid to try and stop that from ever happening again. Which I was right about.” She said. 

“What do you mean before the superhero thing?” Clint said. “I didn’t know you knew him before that.” 

“He’s been spiderman for maybe six months.” MJ said. “He got bit on a school trip. He was definitely like this before.” She looked at the pile of food left in front of her. She’d had maybe four bites in total and it made her feel like she was going to barf. “Can I go to my room? I have school.” 

“Of course,” Clint said. “Do you want to take your plate with you? You’ve hardly eaten.” He said, looking worried. She shook her head. Even the idea of flushing the food made her sick. 

“I’m good. Thanks though,” she said, before speed walking to her room. She could hear them whispering as she closed her door, most likely about her, but it didn’t matter right now. “Hey Friday, can you pull up the project from last night?” 

“Certainly Michell.” 

\--- 

“Peter,” Tony said. Peter looked up, hitting his head on the light he had been using to look at him web-shooters. He’d taken pity on him after trying to make him talk for almost two hours, and allowed him to escape into the lab with him.

  
  


Hehe, page 69

“Yes, Mr. Stark?” Peter asked. Tony winced at the kids' voices. He sounded wrecked, and his face wasn’t much better. He’d clearly been crying not that long ago. 

“Come on, let's get some food.” He said, setting his own project down. He wasn’t really hungry, but Peter always was, and it was an easy excuse for a break. 

“‘M not really hungry right now,” Peter said, turning back to the project. 

“Of course you’re hungry. I know your metabolism. You’re always hungry. One time you stopped in the middle of a bank robbery to eat a PBJ sandwich.” Tony said. “Come on, let’s order something.” 

“Fine,” Peter said, removing the mangled piece of metal from his arm and following him into the living room. 

“Hey Fri, order our usual from, uh, where do you wanna eat kid?” He asked, Peter, shrugged, his gaze fixed out the window. “Just order from wherever we got food last, alright?” He said. 

“Of course sir,” Friday said. There was a moment's pause before she came back “The food will be delivered in eight to ten minutes boss.” 

“Thanks, Fri.” He said. Turning his attention to Peter again, he tried to gauge the best way to get him to talk. As one of the members in this tower who had put off working through his issues until, well, we’ll see, he knew it was a bad idea. “So Peter…” 

“Mhm?” Peter said, keeping his eyes firmly outside. He took the chance to really look at what the boy was wearing. He was pretty sure he hadn’t changed since he’d moved in. 

“Tell you what, why not you go take a shower and change before the food gets here.” Tony adjusted. Peter blinked for a second. 

“Oh. Okay,” He said, standing up. “Um, Mr. Stark?” He asked. 

“Yes?” Tony asked. 

“Do you know what time it is? I can’t remember when we went into the lab.” Peter asked, 

“Friday?” Tony said. 

“It is currently Nine Thirty Seven AM,” Friday said. “Neither you nor Peter slept last night.”

“Shit. Oh well.” tony said. “After we eat I’m making you take a nap.” 

“I’m not a little kid Mr.Stark,” Peter said, crossing his arms. Tony laughed in spite of himself. 

“Sure you’re not. Go shower and change will yah? Or else I’m replacing your clothing with onesies again. I already did it to Bruce this week.” That got Peter moving.

\---

“MJ,” Natasha said, knocking on her door. She listened for a moment to the noise of rustling in her room before MJ responded. 

“Just a second!” She said loudly. Natasha opened the door anyway, to find her room a complete mess. 

“You know, if you had wanted help hiding a body, you would have just needed to ask.” Natasha said, amused. MJ blushed. 

“Sorry about the mess, I just sorta, forgot about the uh, the time,” MJ said. Natasha raised an eyebrow at her, making MJ fidget. 

“Oh, the mess doesn't bother me.” Natasha said, smiling. “For the first three months I lived here Clint didn’t even have a bed, just a nest of blankets.” 

“...ew.” MJ said. “I’ll clean this up, don’t worry about it.” 

“Oh no, whatcha working on?” She asked, picking a stray paper off of her desk. MJ shifted nervously as she scanned the paper. “A proposal for anonymise support for non-neurotypical kids in public schools?” She asked. The paper was actually quite detailed. 

“You’re not gonna make me stop are you?” She asked. Natasha turned the paper over, pretending to think about it. 

“No, I’m not, but I’m also not making this any easier on you.” She said, turning on her heel and walking out. 

“Natasha? Natasha what does that mean?” she asked. Natasha grabbed her phone from her pocket and pressed Tony’s contact. He picked it up on the third ring. 

“Yello, Tony Stark.” He said. 

“I have a proposal, Tony,” she said, watching MJ through the doorway. “What would you say to swapping children for the day?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did this instead of all my homework and now I'ma go fail my classes. Well, go to bed and then fail my classes. Peace.


	9. Ur author depressed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DePrEsSiOn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't explain myself.

“Why are we doing this again?” MJ asked, following Clint into the elevator. She’d packed up most of her work into her backpack, and was apparently going to be left with Tony for the entire day. Well, they said babysat, but that was not a term she would be using. 

“Because, Nat thinks that he can help you out, and we can help out Peter.” Clint said, stepping off onto Tony’s floor. 

“Ugh,” She said, twisting her hair up into a bun. It stayed out of her face for about a minute before falling over her eyes again. Even if she wasn’t trying to be emo, her hair sabotaged her. 

“Oh please, it’s Tony Stark, at least you won’t be bored.” Clint said. As if on time, Tony strolled into the room, guiding a much more worried Peter. “Besides, he’ll return you in one peice, right Tony?” 

“Geeze, you dismember one kid and it follows you the rest of the week.” Tony said, shoving Peter across the room to them. “I’ll keep her mostly intact.” 

“Good enough for me.” Clint said. “Come on Peter.” She walked across the room to stand next to Tony while Peter followed Clint onto the elevator. Once they were gone, she turned to face him. 

“I have work to do today,” She said, gesturing to her backpack. “Can I please do that instead of whatever you have planned?” 

“Oh yes, I’ve heard.” Tony said. “A complete rewrite of how the school district handles mental illness and bullying. Very impressive.” He walked into the small kitchen while he spoke. “Want an apple?” 

“No,” She said. He threw one at her anyway, which she let hit the floor. “Are you planning on making me stop? Because that’s intentional intimidation and manipulation of a minor, which is illegal.”

“I own the government, what are you going to do? Call the cops?” He asked. “But to answer your question, no, I’m not forcing you to stop.” 

“Then what’s the point of this?” She asked. “Do you need something out of my parents?” 

“Aw, you think of Clint and Nat as your parents. Heartwarming,” Tony said, pouring a pot of coffee into his thermis. “Nah, I have my own blackmail on them.” 

“Then why am I here?” she asked, annoyed. She just wanted to go back and work. Tony set the karaf down and leaned on the counter while he took a sip. 

“Because, I don’t need to make you stop, you are going to do that all on your own.” He said. 

“How do you plan on making me do that?” She replied, flicking her hair out of her face. Tony just smiled. 

“Follow me for a second, will you?” He said, turning to walk away before she could say anything. Annoyed, she grabbed her bag and followed him to a door with multiple warning signs on it. “Excuse the mess, Bruce doesn't clean up.” 

She followed him into what appeared to be one of the highest tech labs/workshops in the world. It was giant, although the space was all filled with gadgets and tables full of papers and tech.

“Excuse you, I clean up after myself, you’re the slob here.” Bruce said from somewhere deep in the lab.

“Why are we here?” She asked. Tony stepped forward, pressing a button that made a giant blue hologram shoot up in front of them. He tapped a couple things, before a model of earth popped up. “What’s that?” 

“That,” Tony said, pointing at the flashing green shield around it. “Is what I made when me and Pepper had a fight last month.” 

“But what… is it?” She asked. 

“A highly reinforced shield around the entirety of the perimeter of earth. If it had worked it would have prevented all asteroids, alion attacks, etcetera.” Tony said. 

“Well what happened? Why isn’t this thing working?” she asked. 

“Oh, it did work, it kept everything out. We were trapped in our safe little bubble… for about three days.” 

“And then?” she asked. 

“The unfortunate thing about keeping everything else out, is you also have to stay in.” Tony said. He tapped something else that made dark clouds cover the earth, still showing the flashing green shield. “In about eight months, all the carbon emission and natrel glasses would have effectively choked earth out. We’d probably all be dead right now if I hadn’t revised it.” 

“So you scrapped the whole thing?” She asked. “Because it’s showing real time updates.” 

“No, of course not.” Tony said with a grin. “What I did was I talked to my wife. And then made some modifications. Now the earth is cleaner than ever.” 

“So moral of the story, don’t put you and Pepper against each other because you’ll destroy the world?” She asked. Tony laughed. 

“No. The point is, the revision you were working on for the school system may be amazing. Hell, you could reinvent how we view mental illness in school permanently,” Tony said, closing the window. “But if you are doing it because you are trying to save everyone, it’s just gonna disappoint you.” 

She stared at him for a second. “Why didn’t you give Peter this talk? He’s trying to do the same thing.” 

“Peter’s… fragil.” tony said. “Not just because he was there, or because of what just happened with his aunt. He’s getting through life right now by convincing himself he can stop death by working hard enough. And if I pop that bubble right now he’ll break.” 

“Then what are you going to do with him?” She asked. Tony laughed at her. 

“Well, and don’t think i don’t know what you are doing, by the way, Starks practically invented filibustering, I am going to make him talk.” 

“Make him talk?” she asked. “With a truth serum of some kind or…” 

“Geeze, why does everyone assume that when I say these things?” Tony said. 

“Because you’ve done it before.” Bruce said dully from across the room. 

“Well, no  _ Bruce _ , I’m not giving him a truth serum. Even if I really want to test my new one. I’m making him explain his thinking to your parents, and they will tell Sam what he says. Simple.”

“I didn’t know you had it in you.” She said drily. 

“Ah, yes, my favorite, using sarcasm to distract the other person and put them on the defence.” He said. She glared at him. “Hey, it’s not a bad plan on anyone else.” 

“But you just can’t be embarrassed, right?” She asked. 

“Ah, I see, now you are playing on the whole ‘textbook narcissist’ point, trying to get me to talk about myself.” Tony said. “Maybe later, for now, you’re free.” 

“I’m- what?” She asked. “You’re gonna do all that and let me just… go?” 

“Well yeah.” Tony said. “What else would I do? Hold you hostage and force you to talk about your emotions with tourture devices? That’s clint’s gig.” 

“What?” She asked.

“But, I don’t want to see you working either. And don’t even try to tell me the papers in your backpack are homework, Peter does all of yours and I know it.” Tony said. “Just, go read a book, or draw something. Hell, go cry while listening to kids bop for all I care, just don’t do anything for a minute.” He paused for a second. “But don’t forget that I have your entire search history at my disposal.” 

“Okay,” She said hesitantly. “Can I make Bruce answer my questions?” 

“Of  _ course _ you can. Bru-ucie!” 

\---

“Hi Peter,” Natasha said. Peter smiled at her, although he had a feeling it translated more as a grimace. He honestly couldn’t tell at this point, everything felt like he was walking through a dream. “You;re stuck with us for the day.” 

“Yeah…” He said, looking down at his shoes. 

“Are we scaring him? Clint, I think we are scaring him.” Natasha said drily, standing up. Clint laughed. 

“Can’t possibly imagine why.” He said. “Come on Peter.” 

“Where are we going?” Peter asked, hanging back slightly. 

“We’re gonna go talk.” Clint said. 

He sighed, rubbing his head. “Fine.” 

He followed them from the living area to a room he’d never seen before. It was past MJ’s bedroom, and unlike the rest of the doors, it was made out of thick metal and had a keypad to enter. “What’s this room for?” 

“This,” Clint said, pressing his thumb into the finger scanner instead of tapping in the code. “If the interrogation room.” 

“Oh,” He said, looking around. It was cold. Colder then he’d felt in the tower before, and he shivered against his will. He didn’t do well with the cold. There were about a million terrifying devices inside, which lived up to the room's name. He didn’t feel fazed though. Not because he thought they would never use them on him, he just didn’t care. 

“Don’t worry, we won’t use any on you yet.” Natasha said. “We just thought this would be the best place to talk.” 

“Why?” Peter asked, not really interested. Maybe when things started to make sense again he’d have Friday replay the footage, and he knew he would regret not asking. 

“It’s the most soundproof place on the whole floor. Nobody will hear anything that happens in here.” Clint said.

“Oh,” Peter said, looking around. The floors were like the ones in his school's locker rooms, with tiles and slopes to random drains. He had a feeling they drained more than just water from here though, based on the smell of bleach that almost made him cry. He shivered again, though he tried to hide it. 

“Sorry it’s so cold in here,” Clint said. “Russion’s.” He chuckled at that. “We shouldn’t need to be here too long.” 

“Okay,” He said. He half expected the air to freeze in front of him. 

“Alright,” Natasha said, sitting across from him. “Let's get down to business.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I wrote that way to fast for anyone's comfort. Hey, do ya'll want me to write chapter titles like I did in my old fic, or leave it blank? Let me know. Luv you :) 
> 
> Also, don't point out the spelling mistakes. We all know. Of course I didn't beta it. Don't expect me to be better.


	10. Cute!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mearp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, of course I didn't spell check this, what did you expect of me?

“Peter, you’re back!” Tony said. He’d let MJ go about half an hour ago, but had yet to receive his son. Peter looked at him, a little shell shocked. “How’d it go?” 

“It… um…” Peter said. “We talked.” 

“You talked?” Tony said. 

“Yep. I’m uh, I’m going to bed. Kay?” He said, ducking past Tony. Tony raised an eyebrow, but let the kid go. He mentaly counted to ten, before Clint popped up from behind the bar.

“Debrief time?” He asked. 

“Debrief time.” Clint confirmed, hopping over the bar and sitting next to Tony on the sofa. Tony rolled his eyes. “You first.” 

“Here’s the footage,” Tony said, handing over a holo-projector. He didn’t feel like explaining everything. Besides, he felt like everything out of context would sound worse than it was. Clint grinned.

“Thanks. I uh, don’t know how the image stuff works, I think I’ll just tell you.” He said. 

“How many times has Friday shown you that tutorial?” He asked, grinning. 

“I don’t even know.” Clint said. “It just doesn't make  _ sense _ .” 

“I would be happy to show you again, Mr. Barton.” Friday said. 

“I swear she was laughing at me last time!” Clint said. “Anyway, you need to give Peter lessons. It took about three minutes to get him to talk.” 

“Eh, better than he’s ever done.” Tony said. “What’d he say?” 

“About what you’d expect. Same as most heros, it was his fault, his responsibility etc.” Clint said. “I’m sure Friday can show you the footage. Somehow.” He said, narrowing his eyes at the ceiling.

“Great. Thanks Clint.” Tony said with a smile. He would absolutely be watching the other footage. 

“Oh, one more thing,” Clint said. “Uh, he might be like, hypothermic at this point.” 

“What did you  _ do _ , waterboard him?” He asked. With those two it was only half a joke. 

“We would never do that to a child!” He said, before pausing. “An  _ innocent _ child. No, but Natasha didn’t want him stalling forever, so we did it in the interrogation room, which I guess is pretty cold? I don’t really notice it, but he was shivering the whole time.” 

“Oh, that’s a special spidey-power thing. Don’t worry about it.” Tony said. “Oh, tell MJ that Bruce hasn’t forgiven her yet.” 

“What did she do?” Clint asked. 

“Don’t worry about it. Just… don’t let her around eggs unsupervised again.” 

\---

“Hey Peter,” Tony said, not bothering to knock on his door. It had been left wide open anyway. “You okay bud?” 

Peter, who’d been sitting on the ceiling with his phone, dropped down in surprise, looking up at him bewildered. “Yep!” 

Tony raised an eyebrow at Peter scrambling to stand up. “You sure about that? Because you look like shit.” 

Peter deflated a little, sitting back down on his bed. “I donno Mr. Stark.” 

Tony walked all the way into his room to sit next to him on the unmade bed. “Don’t know what?” 

“Do you think I could have missed something? In Gwen? Was there a way that she might have tried asking for help that I just couldn’t see?” Peter said, biting his nail. “And like, if I had she’d be here now?” 

If you had gone back, even a year or two, and told Tony a kid would make him melt in the way Peter did when he said that, with a heartbroken look on his face, Tony would have laughed in your face. “I doubt it Pete.” 

“But there’s still a chance.” Peter said. It wasn’t a question. Tony scooted closer, wrapping an arm around the tired teens shoulder. 

“There’s always a chance, but it doesn't really matter now, does it? What matters is you did everything you knew to do to help her.” Tony said. Peter shrugged. “Go on, get your spiderbutt in bed, it’s late.” 

“Okay Mr. Stark.” Peter said, rubbing is face. Tony patted him on the sholder before stepping out of the room. 

“Friday?” He asked. 

“Mr. Parker is exiting the building in his suit, sir.” Friday said. 

“That little shit.” 

\--- 

“Did you break my boyfriend?” MJ asked. They where eating Mac and Cheese, the second thing Clint knew how to make, and watching Supernanny on the TV. 

“Why would you think that?” Natasha asked. 

“You didn’t answer the question.” She said, pointing her clean fork at her. 

“Eat your food.” Clint said. She rolled her eyes, but impaled several noodles anyway. Natasha didn’t even take a bowl, instead opting to make a salad. 

“It isn’t our fault you chose such a breakable boyfriend.” Natasha said a moment later. She jerked her head up. 

“Natasha! Don’t scare her.” Clint chided. “No, we didn’t break Peter. We just talked.” 

“Where did you talk?” She asked, suspicious.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, we were right here.” Clint said. 

“Friday?” She asked. 

“The conversation was held in the interrogation room Michelle.” Friday said. She raised an eyebrow at Clint. 

“But we didn’t  _ use _ any of the equipment, so it should be fine.” He said. “Don’t worry about it. Besides, Peter’s a superhero, he’d have been fine either way.” 

“Oh, well that makes it fine.” She said, taking a pointed bite of food. “Besides,” She said with her mouth full. “That violates the faulse imprisiment act of-” 

“Okay okay, I get it.” Clint said. “How was everything with Tony?” She cocked her head at him. 

“I thought he gave you the footage. What do you want me to say?” She asked. 

“Well yeah, but I want to hear your perspective.” Clint said. “I’ve waited to watch it so I could talk to you first.” 

“Oh,” She said, looking down at her food. “It… yeah, it went well.” 

“It did?” Clint asked, perking up.

“Yeah,” she said, smuching a noodle. “I uh, I think I’m going to stop on the uh, the program I was working on. For now at least.” 

“Really?” Natasha asked. “That’s a bit of a one eighty from last night.”

“Yeah well, we had a lot to talk about today.” She said. She looked down at her plate quickly, but not before seeing the two of them smile at each other. 

\---

“Hey Peter,” Steve said, walking into the kitchen. Tony had enlisted him to help try and distract the teenager. “I need your help.” 

“Hm?” Peter asked, not lifting his head from the bar. 

“Tony sudjusted I watch  _ Stars war _ , but I can’t figure out which movie I should start with. There were like, nine or ten.” 

Peter lifted his head off the bar, looking margenaly excited. “Did you mean Star Wars?” He asked. Steve nodded. 

“I tried to watch one, but Sam said it was the fifth one and Tony said it was the third. I need someone's help.” He said. Peter grinned meekly. 

“I-I have homework,” He said, looking at his backpack. 

“Peter, your father owns the school, I din’t thank that will be a problom.” Steve said. 

“Well… it isn’t uh, strictly… my homework.” Peter said. “I hacked the school computer to always change my grade. But uh, not other peoples so…”

“Yeah, you’re not doing that.” Steve said. “Come on.” 

“I guess I could just… help for a second.” Peter said grinning. Steve smiled. 

“Thank you Peter. Bucky just laughed at me.” Steve said smiling. 

“Wait, Bucky figured it out?” Peter asked. 

“Yeah yeah yeah, I don’t wanna hear about it.” He said. 

“And he didn’t  _ help _ you?” Peter asked smiling. 

“Nope.” Steve said. 

“Alright, I’ll help you, but only for a minute.” Peter said, walking into the room. 

Four hours later, Peter had fallen asleep on Steve, somewhere around Yoda stealing a sack lunch from Luke. Steve reached over to turn the TV off. 

“Don’t.” A voice behind his said, almost making him fall out of his seat. 

“What?” he asked. 

“The background noise. It helps him sleep.” Tony said, walking around. 

“Help me,” He whispered. Tony just smiled, pulling out his phone. “Tony? Tony!” 

“This is my new background.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all of you!!


	11. A Michelle Is On The Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !!<3!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it!!

“Hey Bucky, can you help me for a sec?” Steve asked. Bucky looked up from the book he’d been glaring at for the past hour. Steve didn’t think he’d even turned a page. Reading had always been harder on Bucky then it had Steve, so usually if it was important Steve would just read it out loud. 

“What?” Bucky asked, not looking up. He rolled his eyes, throwing the remote at his head. “Hey!”

“I need your help!” Steve said. 

“Well I can’t go on helping you if you don’t tell me what you’re carrying on about.” Bucky said. Steve grinned. When Bucky got flustered he sounded more and more like he did in the 40’s. 

“I lost the Netflix.” Steve said, gesturing to the TV. He’d somehow ended up on the search engine, “See, when I type it in nothing comes up.” 

“Stevie, you’re  _ on _ Netflix,” Bucky said. “You just tried to search for the app you’re on. See,” He took the remote out of his hand. “You just need to exit this.” 

\---

“MJ,” Clint said. “Why did I just catch Peter doing your homework for you?” MJ looked up from her book, her face perfectly neutral. 

“Hm, no idea. Maybe he got bored.” She said, picking her book back up to cover her face. “He’s a strange one.” 

“Yeah, I don’t buy that for a second,” He said. “Please tell me you didn’t force him to do your homework.” 

“Ugh,” She said, rolling off the sofa. “Fine. But he was happy to do it!” 

“Yeah, nope.” Clint said. “Where’s your homework.” 

“I left it at… school.” MJ said. Clint sighed. “Well I’m sorry I didn’t expect the world wide lockdown. Pardon me, won’t do it again.” 

“Can’t you get your homework online?” He asked. 

“Well the worksheets I can, but the textbooks are so outdated that they were never put online.” She said, shaking her head. 

“How could you be allowed to use that in a school?” Clint asked. 

“Can I  _ please _ have your permission to go out and get it?” She asked. “Please?” 

“Um,” Clint said. 

“Otherwise I’m gonna keep having to ask Peter to do my homework,” She said. “Please Clint?” 

“Ugh, fine, just get back before Natasha can find out about it, okay?” He said. She laughed, pumping her fist. “Shush, I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.” 

“Thank you!” She said, hugging him quickly before heading into the elevator. “Friday, can I go to the main floor please?” 

“Of course Michelle,” Friday said. “May I ask what you are actually doing?” 

“Exactly what I told my father, why?” She asked.

“Remember Michelle, I have cameras everywhere.” Friday said. 

“Listen, I need to get that textbook, and they won’t let me go if they know it’s in Josh’s apartment.” She said.

“I will have to tell your parents about the change of plans Michelle.” Friday said. 

“Wait wait wait,” she said. “I promise I’ll be back in a hour, just… I really need to get it. Please Friday?”

“I don’t know Michelle, what’s in it for me?” Friday asked, using the same mono-tone voice as always. 

“...in it for you?” She asked. “Who taught you how to extort someone?” 

“You do know who built me Michelle, I don’t know why this surprises you.” She said. 

“I’ll tell Peter that Karen was copying your coding,” she said with a grin. Friday didn’t respond, but the doors slid open. “Thank you Friday.” 

\---

“Steve?” Bucky asked, poking Steve’s bicep. “Steve? Ste-eve? Stevie? Steven?” Steve slumped from leaning on his shoulder, so his whole upper body was on Bucky's lap. 

“Are you  _ asleep _ ?” he asked. “Oh great, what time is it?” He asked, twisting to try and see the microwave behind him. 8:48 blinked back at him. “How  _ long _ have you been sleeping?” 

Steve’s sleeping figure didn’t respond, shockingly. Bucky reached behind him to grab the blanket off the side of the sofa and draped it over him, turning on the next episode. Steve snuggled closer in his sleep. 

“What are you doing?” Natasha asked, making him jump. Steve wrapped an arm around him, probably trying to keep him still. 

“This isn’t what this looks like,” Bucky said. He didn’t need a mirror to tell he was blushing. 

“I think this is exactly what it looks like,” She said, grinning widely. 

“Listen, we were watching TV and I forgot how close it was to eight, and I’m worried if I move right now then I’ll wake him up, so-” He said. Natasha waved her hand. 

“No no no, this makes so much sense,” She said, with a giant grin. She sat down in front of him on the coffee table. “I’ve been trying to set him up with girls for years,”

“What-” He said. 

“Of course he was gay. No wonder that didn’t work.” She said. 

“But uh, remember Peggy?” Bucky said. 

“So? Clint had a friend who had like, three children before finding out he was gay, it dosn’t mean anything.” she said. “I have so much work to do.”

“Work- Natasha? Natasha where are you going? Natasha? Nat!”

\---

MJ paused in front of her father's door, her hand on the nob. She’d been so sure about the plan, but now she felt like she was going to vomit. She took her hand off of the handle, instead wringing them together, twisting hard enough to attempt to calm down. 

“Okay, deep breath MJ,” She whispered. “Control yourself. Has Natasha taught you nothing?” Despite her efforts, hands continued to shake at her sides. She bite down hard on the inside of her cheek. She was being ridiculous, wasn’t she? She’d lived with then for years before she left. There was a day where she would walk into this apartment every other day. This was no big deal, right? She’d be fine. 

Right?

\---

“Steve,” Bucky whispered. Natasha had mercilessly turned off all the lights, leaving him in the dark. He didn’t care how the Winter Soldier operated, Bucky Barns was always uneasy in the dark. “Stevie?” 

“Hm?” Steve hummed, wrapping his arms tighter around him. He sighed, standing up regardless of his friend in his lap. Steve fell and hit his head on the coffee table. “Oww,” 

“Come on, we’re going to bed,” He said, looking at his friend expectantly. Steve didn’t react, just blinking at him. Bucky gave up, wrapping one of Steve's arms around his shoulder. Steve’s hand rested against his metal shoulder, making him momentarily worry about making him uncomfortable. Steve however, just leaned into him. 

“Iwaz comfy,” Steve mumbled. 

“Yeah yeah, I know, how dare I wake you at the awful hour of,” he looked at the clock. “Ten O’ three.” 

“Hmph,” Steve muttered. He rolled his eyes and continued hauling his friend to his bedroom. Steve didn’t let go of him until Bucky had all but thrown him on the bed, getting an inch away from smacking both of their heads on the doorframe in the process. 

“Good, you’re free now.” Natasha said, stepping from behind the curtain. And no, despite what she may have told you, he did not squeak. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked in an angry whisper. She shrugged. 

“Needed to talk to you.” She said, taking a seat on top of their dresser. “Have you seen MJ? Clint is telling me nothing.” 

“Wha- no?” He said. “Get out of my room!” 

“Because see, he isn’t showing any emotion, which means I know he knows something, and he’s okay with me knowing he knows something, but he knows I won’t know what he knows because I can’t figure out how to make him-” 

“I’m not dealing with this sober,” He said, leaving the room. 

“You can’t get drunk genius,” She called after him. 

“Exactly.”

\---

“What are you doing back?” Josh growled. “I thought I made it clear that you weren't allowed back.” 

“First of all, don’t say back twice in a statement like that,” MJ said. “It makes you sound dumb. Second, you didn’t make anything clear, you were too inebriated to notice that I packed my bags and moved out.” 

“What do you want here?” he asked. “Haven't you already caused enough damage?” 

“Me?” She asked, spinning around. There goes her promise to herself to not react. “You were the one that tore the family apart!” 

“It’s not my fault,” He said, taking a long swing from some old dirty bottle. “The women in my family are so hard to deal with.” 

“Just let me grab my homework and go,” She said, trying to shoulder past him into the kitchen. He pushed back, making her stumble. 

“Why would I do that?” He asked, his sour breath directly in her face. It took a lot of self control to not tuck out of the way. Instead, she straightened her spin, forcing him to copy her posture as well, and shook out her tense shoulders. 

“Because it’s the law,” She said. 

“Oh, not back on this again, are we?” He asked, “Law law law, that’s all I ever hear from you. You are like one giant walking history textbook.” 

“Actually, the history textbook is in there, if you could just,” She said, trying to duck past him again. 

“Your delusional if you think I am letting you leave here again.” He said, slowly wrapping his long fingers around her wrist. She tried, really tried, to not be shaken at the clear visual of how much  _ larger _ he was. He’d never been very muscular, even in his best days, but he was tall, and had wide shoulders. People he’d never talked to might have found him handsome. It was hard to say. 

“I have people who will look for me now,” She said bravely, tilting her chin up. “And unlike you, they have assets other than brute force and intoxication to help them,” 

“If you are so in love with the law, you should look up some child custody ones,” He hissed in her ear. “You’re mine. The government says so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first off, thanks for reading, it means the world to me.   
> Second...   
> I may have just gotten a guys number, flirted with him, and got him to ask me out, all in one very confusing morning? IDK, but at least this one isn't 18 so...


	12. Touch her and so help me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oof,
> 
> hope you enjoy!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luv all of you :)

“Natasha?” Peter asked. Natasha didn’t jump, but she will admit she was taken by surprise to hear Peter was in the room. She should know by now to always check the ceilings. 

“What, are we just having a party in my bedroom?” Bucky said. “Sure, that's fine. Make yourselves at home.” 

“Hey, if you don’t zip it we’re talking about Steve sleeping in your bed,” She said, narrowing her eyes. Bucky closed his mouth. “That’s what I thought. What is Peter?” She asked sweetly. 

“I uh, I might know where MJ is.” He said. She raised an eyebrow. 

“Explain.” 

“Okay, so you know how spiders have really good hearing? Like, really really good hearing?” He said. “Well I got that when I got bitten, so I can basically hear anything happening or being said in the tower at any given time.”

“Oof,” Bucky said. “Oh hey, does that mean you can hear _get the hell out of my room_?” 

“Bucky, calm yourself,” Natasha said. “Go ahead Pete,” 

“Well, I may have overheard her a little bit on accident when she was talking to Friday about it because Friday knew she lied to Clint because I heard her tell Clint that she was going back to the school to get her textbook, but actually she had to go back to her old parents house but she didn’t tell him that because… well… I donno, so I was waiting for her to get back and then I heard you talking and now we’re here.” Peter said in one long breath. 

“Shit,” Natasha said. She pulled open the top drawer of the dresser as she hopped off, grabbing a gun from inside. “Bucky, don’t let Peter follow us.” 

“Yes, I am 100% invested in this,” Bucky said. “I will do everything in my power to stop him from leaving _my_ room.” 

“Just handle it,” She growled, storming past, bumping hard into his shoulder. Just hard enough to make him stumble back onto the bed. Steve didn’t even move. 

“Yeah, I’m following them,” Peter said, grabbing his mask from his backpack. 

“No you’re not,” Bucky said. Peter raised an eyebrow. “Listen, I am okay with most of the team dying, but I actually don’t hate you, and I don’t want Nat murdering you. Tonight at least.”

“Mr. Barns, I need to go,” Peter said stubbornly. Bucky just stared at him until he continued. “I’ve known her _and_ her parents way longer than anyone here, I know what I am talking about.” Peter said, tilting his chin up. “So-” He made his way to the window. 

Bucky moved just fast enough to trap Peter with his metal arm. “Yeah, I don’t think so spiderkid.” 

Peter narrowed the eyes on his mask before just _removing_ the ridiculously strong arm and side stepping. Sighing, Bucky grabbed the stun gun from the nightstand. It was easier to handle this now then an angry Nat later. Unfortunately he had forgotten that a major part of Spidermans job was to just dodge bullets. 

“Bye Mr. Barns!” Peter yelled, swinging out the window. 

“Ugh, goodnight.” 

\---

“You know, Michelle,” Josh said, leaning in so their noses brushed. She leaned away. “I’d given up on your mother, that’s why I started any of this, with the partying and the girls, but when you were born,” He chuckled, unnerving her. “When you were born, it was different. I thought maybe you’d have proved me wrong.”

“Proven,” She muttered. He smacked her head a little harder against the wall, making her whole body tremble.

“What?” He snarled.

“The correct term… it’s proven.” 

“Clearly I was _proven_ wrong then, because I thought,” He choked his voice up on crocodile tears. “I-I thought you could hold us _together_ Michelle. But what with everything, between the grades and the parties and-” 

“I don’t know where you have been for the last fifteen years but-” 

“ _Don't,_ ” He said, slamming her head hard against the wall. Too hard. Her vision dipped and she lost her balance, being held up now only by her father. “Interrupt me. I gave you a chance to run, but you gave up on it. You gave up on our _family_. And I don’t let people hurt my family Michelle.” 

She couldn’t help but whimper as she felt his hands tighten hard enough on her arms to leave marks. He had an arm pressed to her throat and she couldn’t bite down the fear that she was about to die. She could see him reaching for tape as her vision grayed out.

\---

“She didn’t go to the school?” Clint whispered. Natasha tightened her hands on the wheel. She looked away from the road to size up her partner. He looked shaky and gray, and the night lights weren't helping. 

“No,” Nat said. She shook her head, making her shoulder length hair tickle her neck. She had just thrown a cammie on over her sports bra, not the outfit she was used to. “I know you didn’t know.” 

“Where are we going then?” He asked. “Is she at a party? Please tell me that she’s at a party.” 

“I wish hun,” She said. She wasn’t a comforting person, she wasn’t, but Clint was so _sad_ and it was so easy to be mean to him that it was hard to remember to be nice sometimes. “No, she went to her parents old apartments.” 

“But wasn’t that… wasn’t that hours ago? Where else did she go?” Clint asked. 

“Tony’s tracker says she hasn’t moved in over three hours.” Natasha said. “She doesn't hold that still, even when she’s reading, so we are going to, very calmly, ask her father about it.” 

“Calmly?” Clint asked. “Nat, I can’t do it calmly right now.” 

“I know,” She said, rubbing his shoulder from across the seat. “Just make sure the dad doesn't get in the way, alright? I’ll grab our daughter.” 

“What if she wants to stay there?” Clint asked. She hated that his pathetic voice made her heart twist the way it did. No matter how much she protested, it was adorable how hard he had worked to make a cute little domestic apartment in the Stark Tower, of all places. 

“She won’t want Clint,” She said. “I mean, she was living in a homeless shelter before that, she doesn't like these people,” 

“But-” said. 

“Do you know remember what that child said when you asked her about talking to Tony the other day?” Natasha asked, slamming on the breaks at a red light, and then speeding through it, seeing no one else out. 

“Just that it went well, what does that have to do with any of this?” He asked, glumbly playing with his arrows. 

“She was surprised when you asked for her side of the story. And then she didn’t even know what to tell you. That kid wasn’t raised by two loving parents that had disagreements with each other Clint.” She said, flicking hair off her face. “We both know that.” 

Clint stayed silent, and before long, they had swung into the apartment complex. “You handle the dad, I’m grabbing our fucking kid, got it Barton?” 

\---

Clint cracked his knuckles as they waited for someone to come to the door. Much to his dismay Natasha had instructed him to leave his bow in the car. He still took it into the hallway, just in case, but as she’d said, he was trained enough that it wasn’t really necessary. Natasha knocked a second time, the sharp sound echoing through the hallway.

“Yeah yeah yeah, hold on, I’m coming,” A voice barked through the door. They exchanged glances as they heard footsteps thump around the apartment before the door swung open. 

“What?” 

\--- 

MJ didn’t know how long she’d been awake, but it was long enough for her to have been panicking for a while. She tried to open her mouth, only to find that it was duct taped closed. She tried to stand up, but found she’d been tried to the ground. 

She wiggled around, trying to get more room in the closet. Her back and knees ached and she felt like it was getting smaller the longer she was in there. The cable was tight around her stomach and arms and her head was spinning and she felt like she was gonna throw up. 

She’d been trying to remember what her parents had taught her, but she’d only been there for a week or two and they had definitely said something about this, but she couldn’t remember what it was. She’d accidentally slipped part of the cable over her neck, making her panic further, when she heard a knock outside. 

Josh rammed the heel of his book into the wall next to her, which he probably thought would tell her something, but she had no idea what he wanted her to do. All she could think about was how itchy the cable was and how badly her head hurt and how cramped it was in there and how usually tight spaces where not this bad, she’d been in smaller willingly, but she couldn’t get _out_. 

She lowered her head to rest on her knees, taking a deep breath through her nose and tried to come to terms with it. 

She was gonna die in here. 

\---

Natasha had given the man about twenty seconds of time to deny everything before nodding to Clint. In a moment the two men were half way across the room, Clint holding him against the wall. It was easy to forget, what with everyone they lived with, how tall Clint actually was. He was able to lift the man, Josh, off of his feet just to keep them at the same height. 

Figuring that Clint was pretty well off, she slipped past them, opening doors and cabinets. She stopped for a moment, listening, until she heard a thud from one of the closets near the kitchen. She sprinted the ten or so feet to it, pulling open the door. 

MJ _was_ inside. She was being held down with what looked like a vacuum cord, and her mouth had been taped shut. She looked dazed and shaken, but did stare up at Nat. She crouched down, knife in hand, to cut the wire. 

“MJ, listen to me closely,” She whispered while she worked. “Clint and Josh are in the other room. Once you are out of these, I need you to walk with me to the hallway and stay there, understand?

MJ nodded fast, her haid bouncing in front of her eyes as she did. Natasha cut the last wire and ripped the tap off without an apology. They needed to keep moving. She paused for a moment, seeing dark bruises already appearing on the girls throat, but shook her head and pointed outside. 

MJ got up to go, still pretty shaky, before pausing. “Are you,” She cleared her throat. “Are you gonna kill him?” 

“Don’t worry about it right now,” she said. “Just run.” 

MJ smiled. “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Please comment, it makes me feel like a real person. 
> 
> Also, I decided that, save Tony, I am going to be using their heights in the comics bc it just works better for the story


	13. Don't Fuck With Clints Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course I didn't check the spelling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!

Natasha staired after the door for a second after MJ disappeared, before turning back. Clint was standing behind her breathing hard, now empty handed. She didn’t miss the blood on his chin. “You okay?” 

“Yeah,” He said. “He got a good swing in on my cheek, but he got off worse.” 

“Did you see the textbook? MJ said it might be in the kitchen.” Natasha said. She sized up the mark on his face while they talked. It was just red now, but she could tell it was gonna be a dark bruise by the morning. 

“The kitchen?” He asked. She nodded. “Yeah, that’s gonna be a lost cause.” 

“That’s fine, her and Peter can share.” She said. Clint nodded. “So what’d you do to him?” 

“He’s not going anywhere anytime soon,” Clint said. She raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t plan on it, it just sorta happened.” 

She sighed. “Alright. You gonna clean up here or should we just go?” 

Clint shook his head. “I already handled it.”

“Good.” She said. “I’m gonna get MJ in the car. Make sure there isn’t anything left behind in here.” 

She turned to leave, finding the hallway empty. She decided to give MJ the benefit of the doubt and started walking to the car. She’d told Clint to clean up, but they’d worked together long enough that her message had been clear. She was going to give him a minute in there to calm down so he didn’t scare MJ. This wasn’t the first time they had gone on a revenge killing. 

She was happy to see that MJ had, in fact, found the car. She was sitting in the backseat, staring out the opposite window. Natasha opened the back door and climbed in wordlessly. 

“He still alive?” MJ asked. Natasha looked at her, curious. She seemed surprisingly calm. 

“I don’t know,” She said. “He’s not going anywhere anytime soon.” 

“Good.” MJ said, resting her head on the window. “Thank you.” 

“What for?” Natasha asked. MJ looked at her like she was stupid. 

“Coming here. To get me,” MJ said. Natasha smiled. 

“You know we’re always coming back for you,” Natasha said. “I mean it. Clint’s already put your picture up on the wall. There’s no going back now.” 

\---

“Peter,” Tony sighed, shifting the phone from one ear to the other. Bucky had texted him about the kids' escape. 

“Hi Mr. Stark!” Peter said. “So I can’t really talk at the moment…” 

“What did you do?” Tony asked. 

“Well I was trying to find Nat and I got stuck…” Peter said. “Um, do we have an elephant enclosure in the tower?”

“Peter Benjamin Parker-” 

“It’s not my fault, it just sorta fell on me and it looked so lonely, and so now I’m carrying it and-” 

“I’m hanging up now.” Tony said. “Do not come back with the next Dumbo.” 

\---

When Clint got in the car, he at least looked like he was at least trying to seem calm. He started the car and pulled aggressively out of the spot, jerking the car more than he usually did. Nat looked at MJ, who she’d been let pretend wasn’t blinking back tears while they waited. She took advantage of the fact that MJ was distracted and really took stock of how injured she was. The bruises on her arms and neck were looking darker now, but that might just be the lighting, and she was shaking pretty violently. 

“Michelle,” She said. MJ started, looking back at her. She took one of the teens to-thin wrists in her hands, looking at the dark lines left by the cable. “We need to get this looked at.”

“I’m fine,” MJ said, pulling her hand back. Natasha shook her head. 

“You can lie to your boyfriend all you want, but we’re spies. You’re in pain and I don’t want to hear you denying it.”

“Fine,” MJ said, curling up in the seat. Natasha just scooted closer to him. MJ side eyed her. “Are you not wearing a seatbelt?” 

“When you are as highly trained as I am, then a seatbelt is more of a liability,” She said. “Come on.” she wrapped an arm around the teen. She shook slightly against her, but kept her chin tilted up stubbornly. 

“We’re just going back, right?” MJ asked, sitting up. Natasha tilted her head. 

“Yes, of course. Why?” She asked. 

“I swore I just saw Peter walking by with an elephant.”

\---

“Sit still,” Clint said gruffly, holding onto her arm with one hand and the needle and thread in the other. MJ leaned away further, panicking slightly when her back met the wall. 

Clint just leaned forward, finishing the stitches in quick succession, ignoring her wince. Natasha stood behind his shoulder, her face, unlike Clints, was completely blank. Although she did raise an eyebrow at the rate he stitched the rest of her arm. MJ bit her lip as he tied off the string. She shifted nervously as he cleaned up. Finally, Natasha stepped forward, putting a hand on her shoulder. 

“Let’s go talk in the living room, hm?” She said. MJ really  _ really _ didn’t want to, but she wasn’t dumb enough to think she actually had a choise. 

“Yeah, okay.” She said. Nat gave her a hand down as they walked into the living room. She sat down at the far end of the sofa, curling up so she could look at them straight on. Nat sat down in front of Clint, who had yet to stop scowling, and sighed. 

“We need to know where you are going Michelle,” Natasha said. “Because if you had told us where you were headed then tonight might have been a different story.” 

“I was scared you wouldn’t let me go,” MJ said, shrugging. “I didn’t even think he’d been home. I forgot that you can’t do construction right now.” 

“We would have let you go,” Natasha said. “But we would have made sure it was safe. You don’t even need to tell us, just tell someone. And if it’s somewhere that you think  _ no one _ in this tower would be okay with, then you probably shouldn’t be there. It’s not like this is very restrictive, you live with Tony and Steve MJ.” 

“I’m sorry,” She muttered, surprised by the sudden sting in her eyes. She swallowed back the emotion, shaking her head. She’d made it this far, she wasn’t about to cry in front of them now. 

“Okay, we’ll talk more in the morning, but for now i think we should all go to bed,” Natasah said. MJ couldn’t help but blink in surprise. 

“That’s it?” she asked, looking between them. “No lecture, no yelling, no crazy list of rules.” 

“Yep,” Nat said. “You’re free to go.” 

MJ stood up slowly, before making a hasty retreat to her room. She didn’t bother to even pick her phone up off her bed, knowing it would be flooded with texts, probably all from Peter, and instead made a beeline for the shower. After being in that house she felt like she would need to scrub years of grime off herself. 

\---

Natasha waited until she heard the water turn on before spinning around to look at her partner, who was already standing up and pacing. “Clint, you okay?” 

“ _ Fuck _ ,” He said sharply, turning arbuptly and driving his hand through the dry wall. Natasha didn’t even blink. 

“Yeah, I know.” She said. He drew his hand back from the wall, examining it before walking over to grab a ice pack from the freezer. 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have let her dad die so fast.” Clint muttered darkly. Nat just smiled weakly before standing up and walking over to stand in front of where he was leaning on the counter. 

“Maybe not, I wouldn't have minded getting a few swings in myself.” She said, wincing at him placing the ice pack directly on his skin. “Let me do that.” 

“Hm?” He said. She just grabbed a napkin from a drawer and wrapped it around the ice, before returning it to his hand. 

“You should put something on your face too, or that bruise is gonna swell up pretty bad over night.” She said. “What’d he hit you with anyway?” 

“Waterbottle,” Clint said, turning his head. “You seem awfully calm about this.” 

“Ugh, let me get Arnica,” She muttered, turning away. Clint of course, didn’t know when to let things go. 

“Why are you having no reaction to this Tash?” He asked, following her into the bathroom attached to their bedroom. She took out the medicine and shook the powder onto a paper towel. 

“Sit down, you know I can’t patch up your face when you stand,” She said. As much as she hated to admit it, Clint was fucking tall and it really drove her crazy. 

He obliged, sitting on the edge of the bathtub, but didn’t drop the topic. “I would have thought you would have said something about it Tasha,” 

“Clint,” she said, trying to keep her voice calm as she applied the powder. “If I start talking about this I am going to cry, and if I start crying I don’t know if I can stop.” 

He looked up at her, standing abruptly. She set down the container to stare at him, unsure of what was about to happen. Instead of storming out to hit another wall or something, he bent down, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

“Clint-” 

“We’re gonna have to be adults again when she wakes up,” Clint said. 

“Yeah,” Nat said, finally returning the hug.

“It’s gonna be hard,” Clint said. 

“Yeah,” 

“You know what?” He asked, not letting go of her. 

“What?” She asked. 

“I’m really fucking glad I killed that man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Please please please comment, I love hearing from everyone. Like, for real, if you don't write it's a impossible thing to understand. Luv U


	14. Beware of Deadpools Whale Jokes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dead*

“Mr. Stark,” Peter hissed through the phone. “Mr. Stark I think I screwed up.” 

He shifted from foot to foot, trying to warm up. The spiderman suit had a heater, but it honestly didn’t do much when he was out for this long. 

“Did you screw up in a ‘oh no I killed someone way’ or a ‘oh no, I cheated on my girlfriend way’, cuz I can help with both…” 

“No no no no, none of those. More of a ‘I tried to pet a blue whale and it adopted me’ kinda screw up.” He said. The phone stayed silent. “Mr. Stark? Mr. Stark, are you there?”

“How the hell do you even pet a blue whale- where are you right now?” Tony asked. 

“So you know that old zoo that shut down?” Peter asked. “Because of animal abuse and everything?” 

“Yeah I know the one. I think SI helped close it down. Why?” Tony said. “Shouldn’t that place be empty?” 

“Well they didn’t ever actually get rid of the animals, and so I decided I would just go check on them, and this other guy helped pay to feed them, and he feeds the more dangerous ones, but I help with some and now a whale adopted me and I’m kinda trapped.” 

“Wait, back up,” Tony said, sounding more alert. “Who’s helping you?” 

“Oh,” Peter said haltingly. “You uh, probably wouldn’t know him. He’s…” 

“He’s what pete?” Tony asked. 

“...old.” Peter said finally. 

“I hate to break it to ya Pete, but I am most likely twice both your ages.” Tony said. “Come on, I need a name.” 

“Why do you need a name though, can’t we just call him the zoo guy?” Peter asked.

“So I can look this guy up and decide if he’s a creep or not.” Tony said. “Why are you so reluctant to tell me?” 

“I’m not!” Peter said. 

“Okay spiderkid, tell me then.” Tony said. Peter could hear he was starting to get impatient, and he definitely didn’t want him coming down there and finding out the hard way.

“Fine! His name is Wade Wil-” He cut himself off. “Uh, Wade Will-ris…” 

“Wade Wilris- Peter Parker,” Tony said. Peter cringed at his tone. “Tell me you are not feeding abandoned zoo animals with Deadpool.” 

“Uh,” Peter said. “I’m not feeding-” 

“I can not believe that you would-” 

“Well they were starving Mr. Stark! And he was willing to help.” 

“And where are you now?” Tony asked. Peter mumbled something. “Sorry? I didn’t catch that.” 

“I’m trapped in a underwater cave, alright!” He said, throwing up his hands to the best of his ability. “And it’s dark and I am cold and, oh yeah, there is a 330,000 pound whale on top of me,” 

“Can’t you just… lift it?” tony asked. 

“Mr. Stark, if I concentrated all of Betsies weight onto two points on her body I would end up impaling her with my arm,” Peter said. “And Wade said he’d help, but all he’s done is find out that human teeth can’t peirce whale skin, so will you please come and help me Mr. Stark?” Peter said. 

“Okay Pete, calm down, I’m on my way.” Tony said. Peter let out a shaky breath, relieved. He couldn’t really breathe underneath it, and he may have been a little bit panicked about being trapped.

“Thank you.” He whispered through the phone, before hanging up. 

\---

Clint waited until he was positive that Natasha was asleep, and wouldn’t be waking up anytime soon, before he crawled out of bed. He grabbed a bow he’d stashed in their closet before walking into the hallway. 

It wasn’t that he thought that Josh would be coming back or anything, he’d made sure that the man in question wouldn’t be walking anywhere. He was just still on edge, and even with others definitely awake he didn’t like the idea of all three of them sleeping at the same time. 

He sat down on one of the barstools he’d picked out a little over a year ago and started taking apart the bow. It was a compact bow, meaning that the pulley could get screwed up pretty easily, so he liked to clean it every now and then.

He aprisheated the fact that his seat allowed him to see both doors in the hallway. Natasha thought it was funny, saying that he got ‘watchdoggy’ after someone got kidnapped. He didn’t care, as long as she didn’t make him move. 

“Hey Friday?” He asked, keeping his voice down. 

“Michelle and Natasha are still asleep in their beds, Mr. Barton.” Friday said, already anticipating his question.

“Thanks,” He muttered, starting on detangling the wires.

\---

Tony landed with a thud, perhapes to heavily he realised, looking at the cracks in the cement. He disengaged the suit, instructing it to follow him as he stormed past the warning signs. 

“He-ey!” A voice sign songed behind him. He smiled. Thank goodness that most of his job was pretending he didn’t want to strangle people. 

“Wade Wilson,” He said, turning around. Deadpool smiled through the mask. 

“Ironass!” Wade said, spinning in a circle as he walked closer to him. 

“Best nickname the press gave me.” He said, putting on his sunglasses, trying to mask the twitch in his eye. “Listen, I’m looking for spiderkid, have you seen him?” 

“Last time I checked he was still sucking-” 

Watch yourself,” Tony said, hearing the Ironman suit gear up behind him. “The kid’s still underage.” 

“There’s a joke there,” Wade said. “Anyway, sugerwebs is that way.” He said, nodding to the aquarium section. Tony nodded, before turning his back on the other man. 

Tony reached for his phone in his pocket, dialing Peters number quickly (he tried to not keep contacts, to many people stealing his phone) and raising it to his ear. Peter picked up quickly. 

“Hi Mr. Stark.” Peter said. He sounded decidedly more out of breath. 

“Hi Pete, listen I just got here but-” 

“I know,” Peter said. There was a vague crunching noise on the other end that made Tony wince. 

“You know, What does that mean? What do you mean you know?” Tony asked. “Please tell me that Deadpool doesn't have your number.” 

“Sorry Mr. Stark,” Peter said. “But that isn’t why I know. I could hear you two talking.” 

“Hear us- Pete, how far away  _ are _ you?” He asked, spinning in a slow circle while walking. Just to check. 

“I’m still under about thirty feet of water,” Peter said. “And Betsie’s still on top of me.”

“How are you hearing me then?” Tony asked. 

“Well, I was listening for you,” Peter said. Tony was pretty sure the kid shrugged, but it was hard to tell on the phone. “I donno, I can hear a lot.” 

“Alright, well we’re gonna talk about this later when we get back. Can you tell me where you are? As exact as you can,” Tony said. 

“Uh, yeah, well I’m in the big cave where the sea lions are supposed to be.” Peter said. 

“What happened to the sea lions?” Tony asked.

“Why do you think we come to feed the sea life?” Peter said. 

\---

MJ woke up at ten thirty, according to Friday, and was incredibly productive. She got up, brushed her teeth, redid her bun, washed her face, and was back in bed with time to spare. It wasn’t that she was sleeping to avoid  _ life _ , just to avoid addressing it. Unfortunately her family had other ideas. 

“MJ, Clint made breakfast,” Natasha said through the door. MJ didn’t move, not ready to give up on her escapism plan yet. “And he’s cleaning his bow at me,”

She didn’t move, didn’t even breath, not wanting to betray that she was awake. Undoubtedly Friday could do something creepy to be able to spy on her and tell Nat anyway, but she didn’t want to find out. Her eyes remained half open, and she stared out the window of her room. She wanted to paint it, when she got the chance. Right now she could see birds flying and the big puffy white clouds outside. The sun was bright, but in a young morning way, and she was dying to try and recreate the pattern on a window down below. 

“Can I come in?” Natasha asked after she stayed silent. MJ didn’t respond. She didn’t want to say no, but she also didn’t want her in there. It just felt too hard to deal with right now. 

“Alright,” Natasha said, and MJ let out a sigh of relief. “But I’m sending your father in with food if you aren't up in the next ten minutes.”

She made a noncommittal noise, the first indication she had given the entire time that she was awake. Natasha’s laugh slid under the door. She had a high and happy laugh, the kind that sounded care free, even if she knew the woman it came from was anything but. 

“I’ll see you in ten.” 

\---

It had taken Tony about ten minutes to find Peter, but only about three to actually remove him from the whale. It turns out they are less fragile than they seem (at least to Peter) and it’d already been on a big slab of wood. Once he’d just pulled the child from underneath it, Peter had taken it upon himself to  _ lift _ her back into the rest of the enclosure. 

“You  _ go _ Spidey-Man!” Wade yelled from somewhere up above. “You can  _ always _ lift my-” 

“Mr. Deadpool, no.” Peter said, snapping his fingers at the  _ other _ red suited vigilante. “I told you, no jokes like that if Mr. Stark is here.” 

“But you set me up for it so nicely.” Wade said, stepping off the building/ledge and letting himself fall head first onto the cement. Tony barely blinked when liters of blood slowly spread around him. Peter just turned his back. 

“You deserved that Mr. Deadpool.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omfg, I am dying. Someone send help. Or chocolate. I am okay with either. Luv all of you, stay awesome!


	15. Always check the basements for extra Wades...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you ever expect me to Beta anymore?

“-which is why I am sure you can understand that you are never going to that zoo again,” Tony said. Peter nodded behind him. He wasn’t putting up a fight. He knew he’d be back. “Good, so we’re on the same- what was that?” 

“What was Mr. Stark?” Peter asked. He turned his head just in time to see the grate on the bottom of the street. 

“Was that Deadpool disappearing underneath the street?” Tony asked. Peter shook his head as quickly as he could.

“You know Mr. Stark, it’s really late, you probably haven't slept in a while, I bet you’re hallucinating.” Peter said. 

“Friday?” Tony asked. 

“Deadpool has disappeared into the shortcut between the street and the tower. He is no longer on any security footage.” Friday said. 

“She’s in the car?” Peter asked, looking around. 

“Peter, why is Deadpool taking the shortcut to the tower's basement?” Tony asked. “And why is he texting me fourteen laughing emojis?” 

“I don’t know why you think I know why Deadpool does what he does.” Peter said, looking down at his phone. Tony raised an eyebrow through the mirror. 

“Peter, did you tell Deadpool that he could live in the basement?” Tony asked, using his level voice. It was the same voice he used when he was trying to get anyone other than Pepper in the tower to talk about money.

“I’m sorry Mr. Stark!” Peter said. 

“Peter!” Tony said, calm voice gone. He turned to glare at him, completely ignoring the road. 

“Mr. Stark, you’re gonna crash the car,” Peter said. 

“Do you not understand who deadpool is? Do you even _comprehend_ what that man has done? He kills for hire Peter, it doesn't matter who!” Tony said. Dispide him completely ignoring the road the car stayed straight.

“That’s not… technically true.” Peter said. 

“No no no, you are not defending this Peter. That man has no moral compass. He’s rotten.” Tony said. 

“You’re wrong Mr. Stark,” Peter said “He’s actually really nice!”

“Peter-” Tony started. 

“Mr. Stark, I hang out with criminals every day, and Mr. Wade isn’t nearly as bad as them!” Peter said. “And he has a moral compass, it’s just… lenient.” 

“No. No way. Do you even know what’s in there anyway? I don’t think even he could recover from some of that stuff.” Tony said. “I don’t ever want to see that man in my tower, understand?” 

\---

Clint hummed to himself while flipping pancakes on the stove. Natasha swore she needed to teach that man how to make something else. She just grabbed an apple from the fridge and sat on the counter to wait for MJ. Clint looked surprised… calm. Save the bruise on his face, which had turned ugly despite her best efforts, you could barely tell anything had gone down last night. 

She had to resist the urge to roll her eyes when he stuck his tongue out, trying to flip a difficult pancake, instead hopping off the counter to mess with him. 

She stood behind him, pretty much silently, waiting for him to flip it. Once he did, she grabbed the pan from underneath before the food could land. 

“Tasha!” He said, looking at the mess on the stove. “That was a good pancake.” 

“Maybe so, but you made _way_ to many of them,” She said, looking at the stakes surrounding the kitchen stove. Clint just grumbled, picking the pancake up with his bare hands and throwing it in the sink. It was thankfully cooked enough that it didn’t make too big of a mess. She just stared as he wiped his hand over the surface of the stove to clean the rest off. 

“What?” He asked, looking at her face. 

“You’re gonna burn your hand off is what!” She said, grabbing his hand. He just looked at her in confusion. 

“It doesn't hurt,” He said. “Plus side of being an archer.”

“Wha- no! Give me your hands,” She said, turning on the faucet. Clint rolled his eyes but turned over his hands regardless. He’d definitely burnt them pretty bad. “Clinton!”

“Oh come on, you’re overreacting,” Clint said. She stuck his hands under the water, making him wince. 

“Oh, who’s overreacting now?” She asked. Clint shook his head. “Keep them there, I’m turning the stove off.” 

Despite her instruction, as soon as her back was turned, Clint turned the water off and dried his hands. He claimed he’d almost lost feeling in them between archery and _whatever_ he did in the circus. She didn’t know, whenever he mentioned clowns she closed her ears. And eyes. And maybe hid behind him a little but _that wasn’t important_.

“See, perfectly fine,” Clint said, holding up his hands. She glowered at the red burn but accepted his kiss anyway. “I’m gonna go give MJ her food now.” 

“Good luck,” Natasha said. “And if she looks asleep just ignore her, she’s not.”

\---

Bucky woke up around the same time Steve got back from his run, meaning he woke up to a string of curse words that would make a sailor blush and Steve thumping around the room. 

“What’r yah do’n?” He asked, rolling over.

“Shit, where you asleep?” Steve asked. 

“Course I was asleep, it’s 9 A-fuck’n-M,” Bucky said. “What’s got you all worked up?” 

“Bucky, did you know that the food industry s only paying chefs and waiters while they’re off work?” Steve asked, banging the door to there closet open and closed again. “That’s it! Nothing for the greeters, the janitors the-” 

“Tell me you did not jus’ wake me up to tell me that someone somewhere is being wronged,” Bucky said. “Why couldn’t I have befriended a normal kid?” 

“Well, you didn’t, and- _why can’t I find my signs_?” Steve asked. “I just got a bunch of stuff to make signs and now it’s missing.” 

Bucky thought somewhat guiltily of where he’d hidden that under the floorboard. “What do you need them for anyway? You can’t go on protesting dur’n quarnteen.” 

“I’m gonna put them up in windows,” Steve said, pulling open drawers. 

“See, why would they be in the dresser?” Bucky asked, pulling himself up. He was still far from awake and managed to stumble face-first into the wall, actually banging his head pretty hard. “Ow,” 

“Idiot,” Steve said.

“Fribble,” Bucky replied, narrowing his eyes. “Shit that hurt.” 

“It’s to early for you to be awake,” Steve said. “You always walk into shit,” 

“Isn’t my fault,” Bucky said. “They just appear.”

“They might just appear, but nobody makes your dumb ass walk into them,” Steve said. “Ugh, I can’t believe I lost those.” 

“Hmmph,” Bucky said. 

“There’s coffee in the kitchen,” Steve said with a distracted wave of his hand. 

“Hmmph?” 

\---

Peter woke up with his hair a complete tangled mess, the downside to having slept on it wet last night, and unfortunately, didn’t have the chance to fix it before he had to see people. Actually, he didn’t have a chance to do _anything_ before he had a chance to see people. 

“Aw look, Spidey-boo is awake,” Wade said. Peter jumped, landing on the ceiling. “Come now, don’t be a scaredy-spider.”

“Get the hell out of my room,” Peter said, throwing a pillow at him. It had stuck to his leg when he jumped up. Wade pouted. “And put your mask on, you know your face freaks me out.” 

“Ah, so you like freaky,” He said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“That is _not_ what I said,” he said, dropping down in-eloquently. “And I have a girlfriend!” 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Wade said. 

“I didn’t know you apologized,” Peter said, suspiciously. 

“Oh, I was sorry for her,” Deadpool said. Peter pulled his cover over his head. 

“Go the fuck away Wade,” He said. 

“Aw! Little Petey _can_ curse! Good job Pete!” Wade said. Peter flipped him off from under his covers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luv ya'll!!!
> 
> (jeez, am I from Seattle or TEXUS)


	16. What the hell did you do Tony?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merp!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. Am. So. Tired. Someone. Help. Me.

When Bucky woke up, he felt like he’d been forced to gargle with sandpaper. Or whatever it was that Tony kept in his water bottle-which was way stronger than any liquor they had in the 40s-. He groaned, rolling over to bury his face in the pillow. He was only a little bit surprised when the pillow moved. 

“-elo?” He rasped, almost crying at how badly it hurt his throat. His pillow shifted again, and he could hear Steve laughing above him. 

“Hey Buck,” Steve said. He did not sound sick in the slightest. It took him a second to get over his immediate reaction, which was to get away and keep Steve healthy. 

“Why are yah, here.” He rasped finally. Damn it hurt to talk. Steve pet his hair while he talked, smoothing it down. He lucked out, his hair never tangled, even when it was long. A fact that Natasha often lamented over. 

“Don’t talk, you sound like you got your throat punched,” Steve said. “I came back from my run and you looked sick, so I just… sat down and you sorta curled around me.” 

“Oh,” He whispered, rubbing his throat. “Sorry.” 

“Stop talking, do you want some water?” Steve asked. 

“I- yeah. Alright,” Bucky said. 

“Attention,” Fridays voice cut in as Steve walked back from the bathroom with a water cup. “Due to an experimental trial that you unknowingly took place in, those with a weaker immune system in the tower may experience some symptoms of Covid-19. You do not have the virus. I repeat, you do not have the virus, but you may have a strain. Do not worry. All symptoms will be received in four to eight days.” 

“What!” Bucky rasped out. Steve just shook his head and handed him the water, which Bucky sipped greedily. 

“I wonder how everyones doing?”

\---

Natasha had gotten sick first, and she’d be damned if she’d have let them know. She claimed to have a mission, and instead went to stay in a three star hotel about an hour away. Unfortunately by the time she got back, Clint was already sick. 

And here’s the thing about Natasha, she was effective. She hated being sick, and so she did the reasonable thing and made sure the illness lasted for as short a time as possible. Which she liked to do  _ alone _ . Honestly, it wasn’t that hard if you just got sorta… stabby. But Clint had been getting bolder recently, and she just didn’t have it in here to deal.

“Hey Tash!” Clint said, walking in the room. That was the first sign something was up. If she left for more than a day and a half he would always give her a hello kiss. Always. She didn’t like it persay, but it was annoying to be cheated like this. 

See, Clint would much rather not let onto it at all. He never went into detail too much, but it was pretty easy to deduce that being sick in the orphanage was a recipe for trouble. So he would hide it until he passed out or threw up. Although she was pretty sure he had trained himself to not even do that now too. 

“Clint,” She said, sizing him up. No matter how he acted, he looked awful. He’d made the unfortunate choice of choosing hair gel that had color in it, and never tried a different one, making it incredibly obvious that he hadn’t done his hair. If his hair got washed out completely it was almost platinum, something she enjoyed teasing him about. 

“How’d the mission go?” He asked. She shrugged her shoulders, not elaborating. It was easier than lying to him. Even sick he knew all of her tells. “Anyone die?”

“Nothing unusual,” She said. “Oh hey, can I ask Friday a quick question?” 

“Be my guest,” clint said, looking confused. She smiled, looking up at the ceiling. There wasn’t any reason to, it just felt right. 

“Hey Fri, what is Clint Barton's temperature right now?” She asked. The smile melted off Clint's face. 

“Clint Barton is running a temperature of 103.70053 degrees fahrenheit.” Friday informed. “This is to be expected with the trile-” 

“Okay, that’s definitely off. I just took a shower so-” Clint started. She didn’t even blink. 

“In bed buddy,” she said, pointing to the bedroom door. He crossed his arms.

“No,” He said childishly. 

“No?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. He just stuck his tongue out, eight year old that he was. It only took half the chloroform to knock him out this time. 

It was for his own good. 

Unfortunately for her it wore off pretty quick, and he didn’t seem to want to stay asleep. She’d barely gotten his sorry ass in bed before he woke back up. 

“Tasha?” He asked, sitting up. She stifled a laugh at his appearance. He really did look kinda pathetic when he was sick. “When’d i end up in bed?” 

“After whatever you remember, before you woke up,” She said, unhelpfully. “Lie back down.” 

“I donneed tah,” He said, shaking his head and swinging himself over the bed. He tried to stand up, almost collapsing before she made it to him. 

Wrapping her arms around his core, she heaved him back onto the bed, quickly covering him with a blanket and promptly sitting on his legs. 

“Rude,” Clint muttered, squirming. She did get off for his sake, but she kept sitting on the blanket to keep him from getting up. He rolled over so he wrapped his feverish body around her waist. 

“You’re too hot,” She said, smoothing back his stubborn hair. Despite that it still flopped forward. 

“‘Ot damn,” Clint muttered, making her giggle. She silently reprimanded herself. The black widow didn’t giggle. “You’re a dork.” 

“You are sick,” she said, standing up. He whined, trying to grab at her and missing by about a foot. “I’m getting something to bring down that fever.” 

“No-o,” He said. She sidestepped his hand and made her way into the kitchen, shaking her head. Clint was a nightmare when he was sick. 

\---

Bucky luckily woke up again when Steve was out of the room, not there to nag him about taking medicine or anything else. It wasn’t bad per say, he’d just spent so much of his life taking care of Steve. He didn’t like the roll reversal. Unfortunately, he wasn’t alone in the room.

“Psst,” 

“What do you want?” Bucky asked. Clint appeared in front of his face, looking about as miserable as he felt. 

“Are you sick?” Clint asked. Bucky nodded, regretting it when it made his head pound harder. 

“Me too, listen I have an idea, but I need your help,” Clint said. Bucky propped himself up on his elbow. 

“Hit me with it,” He said. Clint grinned. 

“Okay, well is Steve driving you insane? Because Nat won’t leave me alone,” Clint said. Bucky nodded again. “That’s what I thought. I figure that if we have a bigger distraction, then it’ll be the center of attention.”

“What were you thinking?” Bucky asked. Clint gave the shit eating grin he only used when they were about to do something stupid together. 

“Okay, here me out... “ He said, making jazz hands. “Fireworks…  _ indoors. _ ”

\---

Natasha knocked twice on MJ’s door before entering, surprised to find her room empty. She hadn’t really expected MJ to leave ever after everything with her father went down. Sam swore that they were talking about it, but she still didn’t like it. 

“I believe that Michelle is in Peter Parker's room, Natasha,” Friday said. Nat swore she could hear amusement in her voice. 

“Okay,” She said. “Are they fully clothed?” 

“Nothing inappropriate took place involving those two in the tower ma’am,” Friday said, sounding bemused. “Peter Parker appears to be asleep.” 

“Fine,” She said, stretching. “Guess I have to actually  _ leave the floor _ for the first time this week,” 

It did not take long for her to board the elevator and ride down to Tony's apartment. He was, of course, nowhere to be found, a side effect of his other job, but Friday was extremely helpful in her finding the teen boy’s room. She opened the door, not knocking this time, and was greeted with a disgustingly cute sight. 

“Help. Me.” MJ said. She was sitting on his bed, leaning back against the headboard and looking out the window, with Peter sprawled on top of her, sleeping tucked under her chin. 

“My gosh,” Nat said, stepping into the room. “How long has he been asleep?” She whispered. 

“No need to be quiet, I tried screaming in his ear and he kept sleeping.” MJ said, shaking her head annoyed. “He’s been out for like, three hours.” 

“And you didn’t leave?” Natasha asked. 

“I  _ can’t _ . He sticks to things when he sleeps. See, throw that pencil at him,” MJ said, nodding to the pencil on the nightstand. Nat did as instructed and watched in amusement as it stuck in his hair. “Please help.” 

“Mm, no. I don’t think I will,” Nat said. “Are you feeling sick at all?” 

“No,” MJ said, shaking her head. A few lost strands of hair caught and stuck to Peter's face. She sighed. “I was about a week ago but I’m better now.” 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Natasha asked, leaning on the bed. MJ shook her head. 

“Well I’d just met you, didn’t know if I could trust yah yet,” She said. “I think Peter has a fever though.” 

Natasha opened her mouth to respond, when a loud bang, not sounding unlike a bomb, went off somewhere below them. She stared down at her feet as she heard vague noises of fireworks and screaming. 

“Friday, report,” She snapped. 

Friday chuckled, which Nat didn’t even know was possible. 

“It seems that Clint Barton and Bucky Barnes-” 

“Shit,” 

“Have set off four sets of fireworks in Bucky's kitchen. I am warning them that your arrival is imminent.” 

“I gotta go,” Nat said. 

“Don’t just leave me here!” MJ whispered as Nat shook her head. 

“We’ll see if you still have a father when I get back. If you do then maybe he’ll help you.” She said, watching Peter nuzzle away from the noise and into her daughter. “Probably not though, you’re really cute.” 

“Nat!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've reached the point in quarantine where I'm not gonna kill myself per say, but I am sure as hell not gonna fight back to hard if someone else tried to take me out.


	17. Fireworks do not belong in living rooms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE you like it.

Steve was taking a quick shower, he’d just finished a run when he found out Bucky was sick, and then he fell asleep, when he heard the fire alarm go off. “Shit-” 

He jumped out, toweling off the front half of his body before trying to pull his clothing on. Key word, trying. In his hurry he shoved his foot through the pocket part of his jeans, ripping them all the way down and making them pretty unwearable. Cursing, he wrapped the towel around his bottom half, which he didn’t feel too weird about because he was already wearing underwear, and half opened the door. 

“What’s going on- '' He started, cutting out when he saw the living room, filled with black smoke. Bucky and Clint were standing in the middle, looking pretty sooty. “What did you  _ do _ ?” 

“Oh no!” Bucky said, looking at the fire, now simmering down. “Did a fire somehow start in the living room?” 

“And did the fire somehow catch the fireworks left-” Clint started, before doubling over, coughing aggressively. “In the -ahem- living room.”

“What- did you set off  _ fireworks _ ?” Steve asked. Clint coughed and Bucky scuffed his feet. Steve was going to say something else, but the door banged open before he could get anything else out. 

“It was his idea,” Bucky said immediately, pointing to Clint, who grinned sheepishly. Natasha narrowed her eyes while Bucky coughed into his elbow. 

“What did you two do?” She asked finally. They laughed nervously. 

“Um,” Clint said, his voice more of a rasp. Natasha shook her head. 

“You know what, never mind,” She said, walking over and grabbing his wrist, the contrast of her pale russion skin on his sooty arm startling. “I don’t want to know. Let’s go.” 

“Wait- aren't you worried about the fire?” Clint asked, trying to pull back. A fool's errand. 

“Why?” She said, looking back. “It’s not in  _ my _ living room.” 

Clint shrugged, stepping into the evavater with his wife. Steve narrowed his eyes, still standing behind the door. “That’s cold Nat!”

“I’m russian!” She called back, letting the doors slide shut. He rolled his eyes, looking at Bucky. 

“Can you hand me some pants?” He asked. 

“Wade already burnt them all,” Bucky said, walking away. 

“He- wait. Wait! Bucky? What do you mean he burnt them? Bucky!”

\---

“-so stupid, I mean, you have a respratory illness Clinton, why on earth did you think that  _ fire _ would be the best distraction. I know for a fact that you are smarter than that.” Natasha said, keeping one of Clint's arms around her as she walked him into their bathroom. “Take a shower.” 

“Hm, what if I… don’t though?” Clint rasped. She raised an eyebrow at his sooty appearance. 

“Then I’m not letting you back into our bed until you do,” She said. 

“Okay okay okay,” He said, climbing into the shower. She laughed, and went to sit on the bed and wait. He came out, taking less time to wash the soot off then she would have liked, but more than she actually expected, now wearing his pajamas. 

“Alright, now you’re gonna sleep.” She said, pointing to his side of the bed. Her husband, a full grown man, one of the earth's mightiest defenders, actually pouted at her in his disney PJs about his bedtime. 

Her entire life was surreal. 

“Please don’t make me go to bed yet,” Clint said, frowning at her. She shook her head. 

“Friday, temperature,” She said simply. Clint widened his eyes. 

“Clint Barton's temperature has risen from 103 to 104.7720,” Friday said. “If it raises another two degrees he is in danger of brain damage. This should be impossible due to precautions taken when the illness was distributed…” Friday kept talking, but Nat stopped paying attention after hearing his temperature.

“Would it make you feel better if I said I was sorry?” Clint asked, running a hand through his damp blonde hair. He still hadn’t put the gel in it, thankfully, and it was getting blonder every time he showered. 

“How are you still upright?” She asked, shaking her head. Clint shrugged and she sighed. 

“Fine, I’m not gonna force you to sleep,” She said. Clint beamed at that, wiggling a little. “But I am making you lie down.” 

She took his hand and walked into the living room with him, and no matter what he said, between his hot hand and his shivering, combined with the fact that he couldn’t seem to walk straight, she was pretty sure he needed to sleep off whatever they’d injected him with. 

Clint didn’t even argue when they collapsed on the couch, his heavy body on top of her. She angled herself so she was lying diagonally on the sofa, half on her side and half leaning against the pillows, and clicked on the TV. 

“What do you wanna watch?” She asked, keeping her voice quiet. Clint mumbled, not really giving an answer, so she just clicked on The Office and let the words wash over her as she petted his hair. 

Clint tightened his arms around her, shivering against her chest, prompting her to grab a blanket off of the back of the sofa. He smiled whe n he saw her gr ab it, snuggling closer when she draped it over the both of them. She rolled her eyes at his ridiculousness, but allowed it. Only because he was sick, she  swore. They stayed stretched out like that for a while, and Clint's breathing evened out before the episode was even over. 

“Friday, temp please,” she whispered while the next episode loaded. It’s not like she had anything better to do. 

“His temperature has gone down to six degrees. Well done Ma’am.” Friday said. Natasha sighed with relief, happy she wouldn’t have to do anything drastic to get him healthy.

“Good,” She whispered. Clint muttered in his sleep, tightening his arms around her again. She kissed his forehead, settling into the couch a little deeper. “You good Clint?” 

“Mmhmm,”

\---

“Lie down or I swear I will  _ staple you down do not try me Bucky _ !” Steve yelled. Bucky flipped him off, dropping another pair of jeans on the fire. “You are litteraly  _ fuling the fire _ ! With my clothing!”

“No!” Bucky yelled back. He sounded completely wrecked to Steve.

“Okay, you know what you little bitch,” Steve said, stepping forward and grabbing Bucky's wrists. A moment of fear crossed his face before Steve hoisted him over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. 

“Ay! Put me down punk!” Bucky rasped, pounding his wrist on one of Steve's shoulders. 

“No!” Steve said, throwing his friend into the bed, soot and all. 

“I’m getting the blankets all dirty!” Bucky yelled as Steve locked the door. 

“Sleep!”

\---

MJ sighed. She’d admit, Peter was adorable, even if it was in kinda a dorky abandoned kitten kind of way, but she was  _ bored _ , and honestly, if she didn’t get up and move around for a few minutes, she might lose her mind. 

“Penis, come on, wake up,” MJ said, jostling her boyfriend. He barely moved, shivering violently against her. “Come on dude, you’re crushing me a little.”

“Whmn?” He asked, sitting up. She giggled at his hair, which was frizzy and sticking up everywhere. She sat up, relieved to breath freely for a minute. Of course she’d get the clingiest boyfriend she could find.

“Come on, let’s get you food,” She said, pushing him up. He grumbled, running a hand through his hair, making it stand up even more. Usually he’d have smothered it completely in gel at this point.

“Mm, food?” Peter asked, looking up. She giggled again at his ridiculousness, mentily cursing herself. Michelle Johns didn’t giggle. 

“Yep,” she said, messing up his hair. “Go shower, I’ll try and find something free from alcohol in Tony’s kitchen,” Tony was notorious for finding ways to spice things that you shouldn’t be able to spike. Like cheerios. 

“You’re gonna fin’ food?” Peter asked, stumbling up. She smiled, not intervening when he smacked face first into the wall. “Owww,”

She walked out, leaving him to try and find the food. She opened the cupboard to try and find  _ something. _ Thankfully he had a stash of Peter food, so she grabbed the stuff to make like, four peanut butter sandwiches and made them quickly. Personally she grabbed a banana and called it good. Some of them  _ didn’t _ have super metabolisms. 

Peter walked into the room, toweling off his hair and yawning. He’d made the impressive change from PJs to joggers and a teeshirt. She had a feeling he was probably going to eat and fall back asleep. She handed him the food. 

“Th’nks MJ,” he muttered, taking a bite. “How long was I asleep?” 

“I donno, a few hours for sure,” She said. 

“What’d you do while I slept?” Peter asked, rubbing his eyes like a small child. She grinned. 

“Not much, just played around on my phone,” She said. “I think my father did something stupid.” 

“That’d be in keeping with Clint, wouldn’t it.” Peter said. He put down the other half of the sandwich. “Can I go back to sleep?” 

“Hell you don’t need to ask  _ my _ permission,” She said. Peter stood up. “But wait, you need to at least finish that sandwich.” 

“I’ll do it later,” He said, walking away. She looked at the plate, still mostly full and felt her stomach twist with worry. She was pretty sure he’d be fine, but it was worrying all the same.

Peter never skipped a meal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. I'm so over life rn. Writing is my escape...   
> Please comment it makes me feel more human!


	18. Glub Glub Glub it'z a feelings time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll don't even know the fluff your 'bout to read. YOU DON"T eVEN KNOW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better hope the dentist re-opens, cuz this is tooth rotting fluff.

It took three days for Bucky to get too tired to keep up his fighting attitude about being sick, and another two for him to allow Steve back into the bedroom. To Steve's surprise, the bedroom wasn’t a complete mess. They had a bathroom attached, and it seemed Bucky had actually taken a  _ shower _ (he should get some kind of award) and cleaned the bed. 

“Hey Buck,” Steve said, peering around the doorway. Bucky glared at him from the corner of the bed. “You good?” 

“Don’t come… closer.” Bucky rasped out. Steve cocked his head. 

“Why asshole?” He asked, taking a step closer. Bucky scooted back in response, and Steve stopped. In all honesty, he didn’t really have any memory of Bucky being sick. If it was bad enough to get Bucky  _ I have the best immune system in Brooklyn _ Barnes sick, then Steve would have been laid out for weeks. 

“I’ont wanna ‘get you sick,” Bucky muttered into the blanket. Steve laughed at that. “What's so funny?” 

“Buck, I can’t get sick anymore. The serum stopped that completely,” Steve said. Bucky shrugged. 

“St Ll, I’ont wanna,” Bucky said. Steve shook his head, crossing the room and crawling under the covers before Bucky had a chance to stop him. 

“See idiot, the world didn’t stop.” Steve said, turning to look at Bucky. Bucky just scooted back further, almost falling off the bed. “Fine, stay put, I’m gonna go get you some medicine.” 

“Okay,” Bucky rasped. Steve left, opening the bathroom cupboard and grabbing a random bottle of something blue. 

“Friday, will this help?” Steve asked. 

“Yes sir, that is NyQuil. The recommended dosage is 30Ml.” Friday said. “Do not go over 120 Ml in 24 hours.” 

“30 ML a hour? That seems like a lot,” He said.

“It is the recommended dosage,” She said. He shrugged and poured about half the bottle into a water cup. That looked like about 30ML. 

“Here you go,” He said, handing it to Bucky. Bucky downed the whole thing without blinking, an impressive feat, given it took him about 30 minutes to get over the first time he took a shot. To be fair they were about 11. 

“That’s disgusting,” He muttered. Steve took the cup, setting it down softly on the bedside table. Bucky turned his head to look at him, his hair covering half of his face. 

“Sorry buddy,” He said, crawling back into the bed. Bucky scooted away again, furrowing his brow. “Bucky, you  _ can’t  _ get me sick. The serum stopped that forever, I promise.” 

“I’ont care what yah believe, you’re ‘onna get sick,” Bucky said, pushing against his arm. 

“Holy shit Buck, you’re burning up,” He said, grabbing onto Bucky's hand before he could pull away. “Just, calm down for a sec, alright?” 

Bucky glared at him, but didn’t pull his hand away. At least not hard enough to make Steve let go. “Fine, but I’m not taking care of your sorry ass when you get sick,” 

“Oh hush, if I could get sick, which I  _ can’t _ you’d have dropped everything. You did back in the forties and you would now,” Steve said confidently. His speech seemed like enough to calm Bucky down enough for him to scoot closer resting his head on Steve's shoulder. 

“Yeah, yah know ‘ow many dates I dropped for yah?” Bucky asked, nuzzling into Steve's shoulder.

“Oh yeah, all those dames you had to leave waiting for you in the rain,” Steve said, chuckling. “Sally broke up with you over that, right?” 

“Hm, yeah. Weird,” He said, not looking up. “I didn’t mind.” 

“Didn’t mind? Everyone thought you were gonna marry her when you got back from the war,” Steve said.

“Psh, neva would ‘ave married her,” Bucky said. “She married that ol’ giant who became a lawyer after.” 

“But you didn’t know that back then. She was head over heels for you,” He said. “You really never planned on marrying her?” 

“Nah. I ‘ont think I eva would ‘ave married someone ever.” Bucky mumbled into Steve. 

“What? Why not?” Steve asked. 

“‘Cause I liked you. Back then an’ now,” Bucky slurred into Steve. Steve froze. 

“What?” He asked. Bucky giggled a little. 

“I always liked yah. It’s jus’ that I couldn’t tell yah. Ever,” Bucky laughed, and Steve winced at the rough sound his throat made. “Hell, I’ma hate myself for telling yah about this in the morning.” 

“Wait…” Steve said. “You were sweet on me in the forties?” 

“Still am,” Bucky mumbled. “Fuckin shit what did you dose me with?” 

“You… still like me?” Steve asked.

“Yep, I still like yah Stevie. I just won’t ever tell yah,” Bucky said. “Oh wait… I did tell yah. Hm,” 

“Go to sleep Buck,” he said, squishing Bucky's face into his own shoulder. Bucky grumbled, but was out in a minute. 

\--- 

“Natasha… Natasha… Tasha… Natasha… Nat!” Steve said, poking her in the face with a pencil. “Natasha I need your help!” 

“What?” She asked harshly, trying to stand up, annoyed when she found herself trapped under her husband's arm. “Is everything okay?” 

“No!” Steve said. 

“Alright, hand me that teddy bear,” She said, pointing at a large stuffed animal in the corner. He supplied it, and she expertly maneuvered so Clint was wrapped around the bear instead of her. “What’s going on?” 

“I screwed up my entire life!” Steve said. Natasha rubbed her face, peering closer at her friend. He definitely seemed distraught, and he kept blinking harshly to try and keep his eyes from watering. 

“Explain,” She said, raking a hand through her tangled hair, wincing when it pulled at a knot near the base of her head. 

“Well- i was sitting there, and Bucky was sitting there, and he was sick, so I gave him Nee-Queel and-” 

“Do you mean NyQuil?” Natasha interrupted. 

“Yeah, whatever, and so I gave it to him, and he was all tired, and then… I DON”T KNOW!” He said, dropping his head. “And now my life is over and I’m moving to Finland.” 

“Friday, fill me in,” Natasha instructed. The TV in front of them lit up and she watched the display that Steve, very poorly, described play out with intense focus that she rarely directed to anything other than Steve's love life. 

“Help me!” Steve said, burying his face in his hands, falling over onto the couch. She shook her head, grinning. 

“I donno, it seems pretty straightforward to me,” She said, smiling. He glared at her blushing. “Alright, you like him, right?” 

“Yes!” Steve said, not looking up from the sofa. 

“And we know that he likes you, right?” She said again. 

“Mhm!” 

“Then what’s the problem, exactly?” She asked. 

“I  _ live _ with him Nat! You can’t live with someone and share a room with someone and all of that before marriage!” Steve said, shaking his head. 

“That’s right, you where cathlic,” She said, tapping her chin. 

“I’m so going to hell,” He said. 

“Alright, have you done anything else that would make you think that other then, like, being super gay for your best friend your whole life?” She asked. 

“Well, I don’t think that the constant fighting in alleyways makes for much of a saint either,” Steve said, groning. She patted his arm. 

“Steve,” She said seriously, making him look up. “I have known you for as long as you have been with the avengers, and I know that there is basically nothing you care about more than Bucky. Does your gut really tell you that you and Bucky are wrong?” She asked. 

Steve wrinkled his brow at that, looking between Nat and his hands. “No,” He whispered quietly. “But… it is. Isn’t it?” 

“I don’t think so. Your church hasn’t changed in 80 years, but other churches have. St. Augesteens is just down the corner and they have a literal pride flag in their window,” She said. “Now will you please go kiss your boyfriend?”

\---

Alright, so Peter knew that he wasn’t  _ okay _ persay, but he thought he was better off then  _ this _ . He half closed the door before reaching into the toilet, not even blinking at the bright red color as he flushed. Okay so  _ maybe _ he should have told someone about the glass he’d been force fed the other day on patrol, but he just didn’t think it’d been such a big deal. 

He tried to stand up again, before the pain in his abdomen shot through his entire body, making him muffle a scream in his arm. He sat still for a moment, panting on the floor, before he heard footsteps. MJ was walking across the room.

“Peter, are you okay?” she asked, blinking at the light. 

“I tripped?” He said, not sounding nearly as sure of himself as he would have liked. It did the trick though, because MJ just rolled her eyes and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him up. He felt very proud of the fact that he barely whimpered. 

“You’re pathetic,” She said affectionately, kissing the top of his head after he’d crawled back into the bed. 

“Thanks,” He said sarcastically, curling in as if to protect his abdomen. She crawled in after him, allowing him to wrap around her. 

“Love you Penis,” She muttered. 

“Love yuh to,” 

\---

“Steve, what’re ya doin?” Bucky asked, leaning against the doorframe as Steve paced in the bathroom. The light was hurting his eyes and he kinda felt like throwing up, but he was more concerned with Steve right now. 

“I think I should move to Finland,” Steve said, stopping to look at him dead on. Bucky cocked his head. 

“And why do you think that?” He asked. “You can’t speak Finish,” 

“Don’t they just… glub glub glub?” Steve said, still looking distorted. 

“Tell me that wasn’t just a set up for a dad joke,” Bucky said. Steve shook his head. “Hey, did we like… have a weird talk last night? Or did I just... have a really vivid dream?”

“Oh, um,” Steve said. He was probably about to say something eloquent or some shit like that, but just then Bucky's body decided to betray him and he felt the world tip to the side, making him stumble forward.

Steve sprang into action, catching his arms before he could hit the floor, the end result of which was Bucky leaning almost completely on Steve, their fronts pressed together. 

“Sorry I-” He started. Steve cut him off, covering his mouth with a hand. “Eevee?” 

“Just- stop talking for a second asshole, I’m trying to think,” Steve said. Bucky tilted his head, but he was content with just standing in the bathroom and leaning on Steve. Finally, Steve took his hand off of his mouth. 

“Have you figured it out yet?” Bucky asked, nudging his shoulder. 

“Yeah, I think I did,” Steve said, before pressing their lips together. Bucky made a surprised noise in the back of his throat, having not anticipated his friend's actions. 

“Steve?” He asked, looking at him curiously. 

“In case you were wondering still, it wasn’t a dream.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Love it? Hate it? Wish to scrub your eyes out with bleach bc you can't handle my grammar? All fair reactions. Please leave comments and let me know!!


	19. Peter. Fucking. Parker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have crippling depression.

“MJ?” Natasha asked, knocking on the doorframe to Peter's room. MJ lifted her head up, widening her eyes at Natashas appearance. 

“Please help me,” MJ said. She was still basically being crushed by Peter, just now under his navy comforter. 

“What do you need help with exactly?” Natasha asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Please, I just want to take a shower,” MJ said. Nat sighed. On the one hand, they were adorable. On the other hand, at least someone in this house took hygiene seriously. 

“Go,” She said, waving her hand. “I’ll keep your sad, pathetic boyfriend company.” 

“Thank you thank you thank you,” MJ said, slipping out from under him and into the bathroom. Nat sat on the edge of the bed, taking up Peter's watch. 

“Hey buddy,” she whispered, smoothing back his unruly hair and kissing his forehead. Peter whimpered a little into the mattress. “How are you feeling?” 

“ ‘M okay,” Peter muttered, shivering against her and then whimpering. 

“You don’t look okay hon,” She said. She let herself be nicer to Peter. He deserved it. “Hey Friday?”

“ ‘ont ask her,” Peter muttered. Even lethargic he sounded alarmed. She cocked her head to the side, before looking back to the ceiling. 

“Peter is ill after an incident involving patrol,” Friday informed. “I would advise consulting a medical professional as soon as possible.”

Peter looked down sheepishly, shivering again against her leg and curling in on himself further. She looked down at the teenager in alarm, pressing a hand on his forehead to check his temperature. 

“Friday, activate Baby Monitor protocol,” She said in a sharp voice. 

“Me and Karen are no longer on speaking terms,” Friday informed, sounding snippy. 

“Friday, it won’t matter what you and Karen think of each other if there is no spiderman suit, and there won’t be a spiderman suit if there is no  _ spiderman _ , so please, just pull up the footage,” Natasha said, running a hand through Peters hot hair. Friday obliged and a small screen pulled down from the ceiling. 

On screen Peter swung into a warehouse and was immediately shot at by some weirdo who looked like he was in an over colored bird costume. Peter rolled around, webbing away his weapons and such, not really attacking him but more holding him in place, when another man snuck up behind him, grabbing and yanking his mask off. 

Peter on screen cursed, swinging around and punching the guy in the face, which seemed to kill him on the spot. Unfortunately, the bird guy had gotten back up and slammed Peter in the head with what looked like a vase, claiming a hand down on Peter's mouth. 

“Friday, what’s happening there?” Natasha asked. 

“It is unclear, seeing as Peter did not have his mask on at the time, however it seems based on contextual clues that he was force fed glass,” Friday said. 

“He-  _ Peter _ ,” She said, looking down at the teenager. “We need to- there’s no medbay right now, um, Tony’s pretty useless, Friday call Bruce in here please!” She said. Peter made a noise of protest, but he was weak enough he didn’t try to fight back any harder than that. 

“What’s going on?” MJ asked, walking into the room with a concerned look on her face. 

“Peter did something stupid and now he’s sick,” Natasha said, narrowing her eyes at the spider, “Don’t worry,” 

\---

“Just so you know, it was your fault that we had the most awkward kiss in history, I hope you know that,” Bucky mumbled into Steve’s arm. He’d admit, while his spirit was higher than ever, he still felt like death. 

“Do you know how many  _ rules  _ we’re breaking by being in the same room right now?” Steve asked. His voice was still high and panicky. 

“Literally, who’s rules?” Bucky asked. “We went to the same church and I kissed damns all the time,” 

Steve made a stressed noise in the back of his throat. “That was different though!” 

“Oh- this doesn't have anything to do with your mom being a prostitute, does it?” Bucky asked. Steve choked on the water he was drinking. 

“Shh! Don’t- just… ugh,” He pressed the heels of his hand into his eyes, groning. “We really shouldn’t kiss before marriage.” 

“Well I’m not gonna stop kissing you,” Bucky said, leaning up and kissing his nose pointedly. 

“Consent Bucky!” Steve yelped, rubbing his nose with the hoodie cuff. Bucky just laughed, knowing that his friend was in one of those places. 

“Yep, no way am I giving that up,” Bucky said, leaning back on Steve again. 

“We need to be married,” Steve said firmly. 

“Aight, so let's get married,” Bucky said. Steve tilted his head to the side. 

“But everyone has the plague,” He said. 

“Fine, we’ll wait till next week,” Bucky said. “I mean, how much sinning can you do in a week?” 

“Enough to damn you to hell forever!” Steve said. 

“Well just don’t worry about that bit then,” 

\---

“What’s going on? Friday said that there was an emergency,” Bruce said, walking into the room quickly, his own illness mostly forgotten. He’d been almost better anyway. 

“He swallowed a bunch of glass of patrol and didn’t tell anyone,” Natasha said, using her spy voice, completely void of any emotion. It was the easiest right now. “I don’t know how sick he is, he didn’t have his suit working right when it happened so there isn’t much information.” 

“Shi- alright, help me carry him downstairs, I’ll scan him,” Bruce said. “I’ll remind you that I am  _ not this kind of doctor _ .” 

“Thank you Bruce,” Nat said, before picking Peter up and throwing the teen over her shoulder. He might be taller than her, but he was light. 

“Can I do anything to help?” MJ asked nervously, wringing her hands. 

“Just let me and Nat work on him. I promise to tell you as soon as I figure anything out,” Bruce said, before disappearing behind the door.

Mj sat down on the bed, dropping her head into her hands as she waited, feeling completely useless. “Michelle, May I recommend that you go to Steve Rogers floor while you wait? It may be beneficial to not be alone at the moment.” Friday suggested kindly. 

“Aren’t they busy?” Mj asked, her voice shaking a little. She bit her nail as she waited for a response. 

“I have informed them of the situation. They would be happy to keep you company.” Friday said. She waited a beat before continuing. “Would you like them to come get you?” 

“Whatever,” Mj muttered, keeping her head down. Friday must have taken that as a yes, because not five minutes later Bucky was knocking on the door. 

“Hey,” he said, stepping in. “Friday told me I was on distracting uncle duty.” 

“Hmph,” she said, rolling her eyes. Bucky tilted his head. 

“Okay, we have two options. You can sulk in the corner, or we can give you junk food and you can try and help me teach Steve how to kiss.”

“Fine,” she said, sliding off the dresser she’d been on and following him out of the room. Bucky smiles, patting her arm as they walked to the elevator. 

“Great,” he said. “I’m ordering food, what do you want?” 

“I donno,” she said, staring at the glass wall as they moved far faster than strictly Necessary. Tony was an impatient man. 

“Well how about I order you just like… a burger, and anything you don’t like you can take off, Kay?” Bucky said, sniffing. She nodded, not wanting to be more difficult than necessary, and trailed behind him as they walked into the living room. The walls had been given a half ass scrubbing, but the rest of it was mostly clean. 

“Yeah, Tony made everything fire resistant,” Bucky said, gesturing. “Can’t imagine why.” 

“Everything but my pants,” Steve said, walking in the room. “I had to get a pair of Clints from Nat. They’re like, twelve sizes too big.” 

“Yeah, he’s  _ tall _ ,” Bucky said, plopping down on the sofa and grabbing a blanket off the floor. “I’m ordering food, do you want anything?” 

“Yeah, just get me my usual,” Steve said, not sparing a glance at Bucky. “Hi MJ,” 

“Hey,” She mumbled, looking down at her hands.

“Come on, let's watch that documentary I’ve been bugging you about Buck,” Steve said, jumping over the couch and landing next to Bucky, who had curled up. Bucky just grumbled, placing his head on Steve's lap with a grunt. 

“Fine,” He said finally, throwing the remote at MJ, who barely caught it. “You pull it up.” 

“What’s it called?” She asked. 

“12 Years a Slave,” Steve said excitedly. “I’ve been trying to get him to see it forever.”

“I’ve heard of that!” She said, lighting up a little. Steve smiled as she took a seat next to them. Well, still on the other side of the sofa, but better than they expected. “Clint didn’t want to watch it because he thought it’d be really ‘heavy’ but it looked so good!” 

“It’s supposed to be a new take on social justice in film,” Steve said energetically while she clicked on the title. Maybe this would be okay after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!  
> Yo, the boy I have been talking to is planing a mini prom for just us once this is over and I legit don't know how to function anymore. Help me!


	20. Bruce is so not a surgeon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you love it! enjoy the day loves!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment anything you think while reading this! Your words are my caffeine.

“Okay, this isn’t ideal,” Bruce said, upon seeing the actual damage done to Peter’s tracia and stomach. “I know you don’t have anything resembling a stem degree, but you know what glass looks like, right?” 

“Depending on the context, I do,” Natasha said. 

“Great, scrub in,” Bruce said. Natasha just tilted her head to the side. “Go read the signs in the room with all the sinks and follow the instructions,” 

“Got it.” 

Bruce sighed again, scrunching his eyes to clear his vision before turning back to the teenager on the operating table. He felt guilt squirm in his gut when he saw the dent left by the boy to make himself unconcious. Meds didn’t work on someone with that kind of metabolism and they would need an MRI anyway. 

There was less glass then he’d been worried about, but way more then he’d have liked to see. It was a miracle that the boy was anywhere close to alive. To protect the esophagus and trachea, his skin seemed to have healed around the glass, similar to what a clam does with a speck of sand. It made it harder to operate though. 

“Alright, I washed my hands and stuff,” Natasha said, pulling a surgical mask over her face. 

“Grea-  _ what are you doing? _ ” Bruce asked. 

“Putting the mask on,” She said. 

“You can’t touch- oh whatever, Peter can fight off a bacterial infection. Just, you know what glass looks like, right?” He said. She nodded. “Good, find and remove.” 

“On it,” She said, grabbing a random medical tool. “Looks kinda like a eyelash curler,” 

“ _ Why _ are you focusing on that right now?” Bruce asked. Natasha blinked, and Bruce was sure that if she wasn’t wearing a mask he could see her purse on her lips. 

“How’d that dent get in the table?” She asked. 

“He… self inflicted it,” Bruce said, shaking his head. “Before the surgery. He didn’t want to be awake. Besides, like he said, his brain has to heal first, then the incision.” 

“Shit,” She muttered, dropping a piece of glass in the metal tray, making it ding. “Doesn't it bother you? That Tony lets him do it, that he does it on his own. He’s so young.”

“I try not to think about it,” Bruce said. “Hand me the clamp,” 

She passed the instrument, wincing at the residual blood on the handle. “It just seems wrong, letting him keep doing this to himself,” 

“Well,” Bruce said, slicing the tissue and digging out the small piece of glass. “If it bothers you so much, why don’t you stop him.”

She snorted. “You think I can stop the kid? He’s like the hulk and Thor had a child and gave it steroids,” She laughed in an empty sorta way. “He’s too strong for his own good.”

“Please don’t ever make me picture that,” Bruce said, shaking his head. 

“Who do you think would give birth?” She asked. He dropped a piece of glass in the tin louder than it needed to. 

“Focus on the child on the operating table, please!” Bruce said loudly. Natasha chuckled, shaking her head. He bit back the comment about her not pulling back her hair, having a sense that it would not be well received. 

\---

“It’s my fault,” MJ said, burying her head in the pillow on her lap. The movie had long since ended, and they had been sitting in silence for almost a hour. She didn’t have to look up to see the uncomfortable glances being exchanged. “Don’t do the thing where you awkwardly try to fix me, it won’t work.” 

“Did we already give it food?” Steve stage whispered to Bucky. 

“Yeah,” He whispered back. “Maybe we should encourage her to talk about it.” 

“Okay,” Steve cleared his throat, going back to his normal voice. “What would make you say that MJ?” 

“Everyone was thinking it, I just said it,” She said, shaking her head. Bucky tilted his head, and Steve was starting to get that  _ I am captain america _ look on his face, so she elaborated. “I was  _ there _ , geniuses. I was there with Gwen before she died, and I was there with Peter before… this, and I never  _ realised _ anything was wrong!” 

“Well-” Steve said. She could tell they were uncomfortable. 

“You know what, consider this a fulfilment of whatever you promised my parents that made you agree to this, I’m leaving,” She said, grabbing her bag. “Thank you for showing me that movie, it was very good.” 

“Wait- you can’t just go!” Steve said. “She can’t just go, right Buck?” 

“MMph?” Bucky said, shrugging. He’d been doing his best to act like he wasn’t sick the whole time, and it was getting to be on the annoying side of pathetic. Which she knew well, seeing as it is where her boyfriend lived.

“Goodbye,” She said, letting the elevator door close. “Friday, will you please take me to whatever floor Peter is on?” 

“I am afraid I am not permitted to do that,” Friday said. “In Fact I am under strict orders to not disclose any information regarding Peter Parker's current condition to you unless death is imminent.” 

“Comforting. Okay, please just take me to my room then,” She said, rubbing at the headache forming in her temples. Friday obliged, and she walked quickly through the living room, sparing a glance at her father as she went. He was completely passed out on the sofa, and for one terrifying moment he reminded her of Josh, until she saw that the only bottles on the coffee table were cold medicine and that he’d passed out watching the Office. 

She shook her head and walked into her room, promptly passing out on her bed. 

\---

“Okay, the CT and MRI came up clean,” Bruce said. “He has a little bit of brain damage, but with the spread of his healing rate that should be cleared up before morning. 

“So he’s gonna be alright?” Natasha said, pulling down the mask that had been itching her nose for hours. 

“Well I hope so, there isn’t any glass as far as I can tell,” Bruce said, looking the pale teen up and down. “But he has been throwing up blood every hour for almost a week, so he might be anemic for a little while after.” 

“Will he have a big scar?” Natasha asked, eyeing the large incision. 

“No, his super healing should take care of that. The stitches are more for sanitary reasons rather than cosmedics. He’s a fast healer.” Bruce muttered, throwing the gloves they thankfully had on hand for lab stuff. “I’ve had to do stuff on him before. Tony would probably be better at it then me but…” 

“But asking that man to work on his own kid is a recipe for disaster, I get it,” Natasha said. “Especially him.” 

“Why do you say that?” Bruce asked, cleaning out the med tray. 

“Well you’ve seen how he handles things. Hell, right now he has the flu, and he hasn’t stopped working long enough to sneeze,” She said, shaking her head. “He doesn't like to admit hard things.” 

“He doesn't like to admit when he’s weak, that’s different,” Bruce said. “He’s happy to say he’s wrong. He’s screamed it from a rooftop before. Literally.” 

“Well Tony’s a complicated man,” She said, shaking her head. 

“Maybe you just don’t know him well enough yet,” Bruce said. Natasha glowered a little, throwing her gloses in the trash. “Speaking of, I’m gonna go tell him what happened. You should go make sure your familys alright?” 

“Don’t have a family,” Natasha muttered under her breath. 

“Right, my bad. Go make sure that your husband and child who you are in no way related or attached to, are okay, got it?” Bruce snapped. He couldn’t help it, it was hard to perform surgery with no degree, on a superhuman, while you have a green demon in your brain telling you to smash them every second you pause to think.

\---

“Clint?” Natasha asked, walking in quietly. Clint muttered something into the pillows he’d squished his face into, groning when she sat down. 

“Tash?” He asked, sitting straight up, before tilting a little to the side and groning. 

“Don’t do that idiot, you’re gonna pass out,” She snapped. Clint just furrowed his brow, tilting his head to get a better look at her. “Don’t look at me like that.” 

“‘hat happened?” He slurred sleepily, rubbing his face. He knew her way too well to let her behavior go. 

“Nothing, leave me alone,” She said, shoving her face into her hands. A moment later, she found herself trapped underneath him, both of them now facing the opposite direction she’d found Clint in. 

“What happened?” He asked again. Even sick, he was a spy, and he could snap into that at any moment. It unsettled her slightly. 

“Peter,” She said horsley. Clint relaxed on her now that she was talking, shifting so that instead of obviously pinning her arms he was just wrapping his arms around her. She still couldn’t move, but it was sweeter. 

“What ‘bout him?” Clint asked, spy voice forgotten. Suddenly it sounded like he had a sore throat and a fever again. 

“He… some asshole force fed him glass on patrol. Peter said he’s dead, but Bruce… shit, he had to slice him open. We couldn’t get him to a doctor in time so I had to  _ help _ pick glass out of his throat and stomach and it’s just…” She trailed off. “He’s so young.” 

“I know,” Clint said, rubbing her back soothingly. “It’s hard.” 

“You know, anastasia still doesn't work on him? He had to knock himself out by bashing his head on the table. Bruce said that one day he’s gonna give himself a brain bleed doing it.”

“Try not to think about it,” Clint said. “He’s gonna be okay right?” 

“Yeah, he’ll be fine,” She said. “I just hate it.” 

“We all do, but he made his own choice, we just need to try and keep him safe,” Clint said, burying his face. 

“Do you think it’s wrong that we’re training MJ? The same way we were trained,” She asked. Clint looked up. 

“I mean… I was trained by clowns…” Natasha smacked him lightly in the head. “Ow! No Nat, I think it’d be wrong not to. You know how dangerous our job is, someday she’ll be forced to deal with that. And like Tony said, the fact that she’s been seen in public with him once is enough to put a target on her back.” 

“Yeah…” Nat said. 

“But she’s still safer here then she’d have been in that home,” Clint muttered. “We did a good thing.” 

“Alright,” She said, noticing how Clint’s head was involuntarily starting to droop. “Go to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

“ ‘m not tired,” Clint insisted. She pressed a kiss to the top of his head, holding him closer. “Not at all.” 

“Sure hun,” She said. “Then just watch the show.” 

“Okay, but I’ma stay wide awake,” Clint said, already slipping into sleep. “Love you,” 

“Люблю тебя*, idiot,” She muttered, letting the words of the show wash over her as Clint slipped away on top of her. At least something good happened today, even if it was just her husband being stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Люблю тебя--- Love you  
> Finally, binging Grays Anatomy has finally come in handy. Please review! Love all of you!!


	21. The aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OOOP 
> 
> ya'll enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!!

Bruce walked into the office, pausing when he saw Natasha sitting where his computer used to be. He raised an eyebrow at the mess of what was on his desk on the floor.

“What is this?” He asked. Natasha shook her head, handing him an expired candy bar. 

“Here, take it,” She said. He paused. “Take it or you’re never gonna be able to have children, I will personally make sure of it.”

“Okay okay,” He said, grabbing it. She nodded her head. 

“Be careful with the wrapper, I hear there are messages inside,” She said, leaving. 

He carefully snipped off the top and along the seam of the plastic, laying the wrapper out flat. 

“Sorry for snapping at you, it’s not my fault you have that effect on people,” He read. 

“May I recommend switching to black light?” Friday sudjusted. Bruce nodded and the room was bathed in purple. 

“P.S, It would totally be the hulk,” He read, shaking his head. “Friday, how poisoned is this candy bar?” 

“Not at all sir,” Friday said. He raised an eyebrow. 

“Really, or did she code you to tell me that?” He said. 

“Yes, there is enough poison in that candy bar to kill fourteen of the elephants Peter is keeping in the basement.” 

“Of course,” He said, turning the bar over in his hand before dropping the bar in the bin. 

\---

MJ rolled over in her bed, bringing her knees up to her chest. She had no idea how long she’d been asleep, but someone had come in in the middle of the night and draped a blanket over her. She sat up, rubbing her eye.

“Oh good, you’re up,” Natasha said. MJ jumped, biting back a scream. “Get dressed, we need to go.” 

“Go?” She muttered, smoothing back her hair into a bun. “Go where?” 

“To visit your boyfriend. I’ll give you about twenty minutes to get ready, last time he saw you you looked like death.”

“Isn’t it illegal to say that to your daughter?” She asked. Natasha snorted. 

“Not as illegal as tying you up in a closet,” She said. “And that attitude means you’re calling me ‘Mom’ now,” Natasha said. 

“I don’t think you can change your title as punishment,” MJ said. 

“I’m an assassin, I do what I want or people die,” She said. 

“I thought it was you do what you want,  _ and _ people die,” MJ said, shaking her head. 

“Get dressed. Now,”

MJ shook her head, swinging her legs off the bed as Nat, or apparently her mother, closed the door behind her. She opened the door to her bathroom and turned the shower on. She didn’t actually plan on showering for another ten or so minutes, but she knew Nat wouldn’t drag her out of the shower. 

She waited until the bathroom was completely steamed up before she slipped into the shower, resigned to do her entire routine. Shampoo, exfoliate, condition, shave, soap, rinse, soap and rinse again, etc. She finally stepped out of the shower, letting it run. She knew Tony, they were probably drinking their own piss. 

Drying her hair with a towel, she eyed the makeup sack in the corner, growing before turning the shower off and opening it. Not bothering with the rest of it, she curled her lashes and coated them with mascara.

A couple finale touches and she pulled on one of her nicer casual outfits. Tony had declared he had to take her shopping after seeing the clothing that her parents picked for her, which were all black, and mostly hoodies and sweats. 

“You ready?” Natasha said, giggling. 

“What?” She asked, glaring. 

“Nothing,” Nat said, walking. “You look… nice.” 

“Thanks,” She said, rolling her eyes. 

“I dosed your father, not fatally… I think, but he’s not gonna be awake for a few hours.'' Natasha said, rolling her shoulders. “Maybe longer, he’s still pretty sick.” 

“Why’d you do that?” MJ asked, following her down the hallway. 

“Are you kidding? He’d try and watch you two from the ceiling and probably end up falling and hitting his head,” Nat said, jamming her thumb into the button. 

“Sounds like something Penis would do,” MJ said, leaning against the wall. Nat laughed a little. 

“What’s with that anyways? Why does your entire school call him that?” Natasha said. “Did he do something or…” 

“I don’t really know, we just do,” MJ said, shrugging. “I think it started one day in science. He’s in the advanced class so I wasn’t there, but Flash did something and the nickname caught,”

“Flash?” nat said, looking sceptical. “Someone named their child Flash?” 

“Well his real name's Eugene, but if you call him that he’ll probably punch you in the mouth. Ask Pen- er, Peter,” MJ said. 

“Do you call anyone by their actual name?” Natasha asked. MJ thought for a moment. 

“We mostly just call Ned Ned,” She said thoughtfully. “Although Flash was trying to get Nedward to stick before everything shut down, it didn’t work though, he liked it too much.” 

“I’m so glad I never went to highschool,” Natasha said.

\---

“ _ Tony _ !” Bruce yelled. Tony didn’t even blink. He’d been talking with about a million people about a million different things for an hour, and Bruce hadn’t gotten him to stop long enough to tell him about Peter. “I swear man, I’m gonna hulk out and smash that phone and you, don’t try me,” 

“No, thank you Mr. O’reel, the pleasure was all mine. And- hey, tell Sarah and the kids I say hi. I hope they liked those christmas gifts. Alright, okay. Bye Mr. O’reel.” Tony clicked his phone off, spinning on his heel to look at Bruce. “What?” 

Bruce swallowed, suddenly nervous about telling the hurricane of a man in front of him what had happened. “It’s Peter,” 

“What about him? What happened?” Tony asked, completely focused on the conversation for once. It was unnerving, usually when they talked he had half his body in some mangled piece of machinery. He did not like business Tony at all. 

“He, er, well he was on patrol and-” 

“On patrol, he hasn’t been on patrol in eight days. And he shouldn’t have been out then either, because of shut in and all,” Tony said. 

“I know, he was on patrol eight days ago. His mask got damaged, remember? You made repairs last week,” 

“Yes yes, I remember that, spit it out Bruce,” Tony said. Bruce winced, realising there wasn’t much else he could stall with. 

“Well, he killed the guy, but some idiot… fed him glass…?” 

“ _ What _ ?” Tony said. Bruce took a step back. “Fed him- how the hell did we not know about this? Is he okay? Why do you know this Bruce?”

“It was more complicated then it seemed at the time Tony, it sliced his trachea and oesophagus all up, and his body kept trying to heal only to get re-cut. To top it off he never told anyone,” Bruce said.

“So what happened? I know for a fact you did not just leave him like that Bruce,” Tony said.Bruce took another step back, trying to distance himself from the intensity of his friend. No wonder he was so successful, Bruce would give his right arm to get him to stop staring at him like that. 

“There wasn’t much time, and I didn’t know where you were so-” 

“I helped him,” Nat said, covering Bruise's mouth from behind. Bruce jumped- or tried to -Nats arm held him down. She was deceptively strong. “We had to cut him open and dig it all out with tweezers. It took three hours, we closed a while ago. Brucie here was scared to tell you.” 

Tony froze, blinking at them without displaying any emotion at all. “Tony? Do you understand?” 

“Yes, I understand perfectly,” Tony said, shaking his head, though he still looked dazed. “He's alone right now?” 

“Yes. MJ visited him a little over a hour ago, but she had homework,” Natasha said. 

“Good. I’m going to see him now,” Tony said, walking through the door before they could argue over it. Bruce and Nat exchanged glances. 

“He can’t be okay, right?” Bruce asked. “There is no way he’s okay,” 

“No, but he is a businessman,” Natasha said. “He knows how to put up a front. He will seem fine to Peter, if not a little distant. It would take much more to break that,” 

“More than major digestive and respiratory surgery on his adopted son?” Bruce asked. “What else would there be? Short of death.” 

“I don’t know,” Nat said, resting her elbow on his shoulder, her favorite annoying way of reminding him they were about the same height. “But I do know that businessmen and spies are very similar,”

“How so?” Bruce asked. “I mean, Tony doesn't kill people, at least not anymore,”

“Tony does not use weapons, he is just as deadly,” Nat said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just pierced my ears with a safety pin and now my mom can't look at me. How was your day?


	22. Peter, Honey, No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> do   
> do  
> dododododooooo  
> dodododdo  
> do  
> do  
> dododododoooooooooooo  
> aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love it, hate it, burn it, I don't care, but hope you read it!

“What’s the big deal?” Peter hissed through his mask, “you’re gonna make Mr. Stark up!” 

“First of all, I guarantee that Tony isn’t asleep, second, I will wake the  _ whole damn tower _ if you don’t get your spandex ass  _ back. In. side. _ ” MJ bite back, reaching to grab his wrist, making him hop farther away. “Peter!” 

“Wow, you’re using my real name, must be serious,” Peter quipped. 

“It. Is. You almost died  _ yesterday _ Peter, there is no way in hell that I am allowing you out without a doctor saying it’s fine,” MJ said, reaching out again and almost losing her balance. Peter just raised squinted through the mask.

“I  _ did _ have a real doctor look at me, and keep it down MJ, Mr. Barton is still sick,” Peter said. 

“Oh you had a doctor look at you? Really?” MJ said. Peter shrugged. 

“He says he’s a doctor, I trust him,” Peter said. 

“And can I meet this doctor, or is he invisible or something?” She asked. Peter chuckled. 

“Turn around,” He said. She froze, spinning around slowly to see a man in a similar red and back costume eating a leftover sandwich around his mask. 

“Who. the hell. Are you?” She asked. 

“Dr. Wilson,” Wade said with a full mouth. 

“You know the unauthorised impersonation of a medical professional is illegal, punishable by upwards of ten years in jail, huge sums of money, etc.” She said. “You’re sure you're a doctor?” 

“Yep,” he said. 

“Oh so this,” She said, holding up her phone, already set with the video of him causing chaos in the streets, “Isn’t you.” 

“Well, gotta go, see you MJ,” Peter said, jumping off the roof. She slammed her phone down on the table, running to the window in time to see Peter disappearing among the skyline. 

“Damnit!” She said, spinning around. Deadpool dropped the dirty paper towel on the ground. “You!” 

“At your service,” he said with a mock saluit. 

“If he dies I will cut off your penis enough so that even you can’t grow one back, understand,” She said, not waiting for a response before storming out. 

\---

“Clint,” Natasha said, trying to sit up. “Did you just hear a scream?”

Clint didn’t move, only tightening his arms around her. She swatted at him, trying to get him to let go. “Mmph?” 

“It sounded like MJ,” She said. Clint sat up so fast that she almost fell off the bed entirely. 

“Let’s go,” He said, suddenly completely awake. She was about to say something when he flipped on the light. 

“Alri- agh! What about a warning dude!” She said, wincing. Clint just grabbed her hand and started walking. “Alright, alright, I’m moving.”

“Come on, it’s already been forty seconds, anything could have happened,” Clint said. 

“Don’t you still have a fever?” She asked, stumbling to a stop in front of the elevator. “Your hands warm.”

“You’re just cold,” He said, ducking away from her hand. “Freezing. You should probably get that checked out.” 

“I’m russian,” She said. “Stop swatting or I’ll just ask Friday,” she threatened. 

“We’re here,” Clint said, tugging her into Tony’s living room. “MJ? Are you in here?” 

“I’m gonna kill that asshole,” MJ said, storming into the room. Clint let go of her hand to step in front of her daughter, raising his hands in a soothing way. 

“Okay okay, let’s just take a second, tell us what happened,” Clint said. MJ just shook her head, looking insanely pissed off. “First off, are you okay?” 

“Well  _ I’m _ fine,” MJ said, gritting her teeth. “Peter just fucking- ugh,” 

“What happened MJ?” She asked, stepping forward. 

“He went on patrol! With deadpool!” she said. 

“Who?” Clint asked, tilting his head like a puppy. 

“Jerk, about your age, makes jokes that’d make Ned blush, immortal,” She gritted out. 

“MJ no one's immortal,” Natasha said. 

“There’s a video online of Peter throwing him off a building. He just drove straight into the cement and got up and walked away,” She said. “He regrows limbs if they get cut off, he can’t be poisoned, tazed, shot, stabbed or anything else I can think of,” MJ said. “And he’s an asshole.” 

“Wait- Peter’s on patrol?” Natasha asked.

“I was instructed to tell you that Peter is back on the premises, and will not be leaving anytime soon,” Friday pipped in. 

“Is he  _ alive _ ?” MJ asked, sounding more irritated then worried. 

“He does appear to still be breathing,” Friday said. “But he will not be leaving the lab for the next millennium, according to the boss.” 

“Perfect,” MJ said, storming past them. “Tell Tony to yell at him for me,”

\---

“-And to top it off, of all the people  _ to _ sneak out with, you went with  _ Wade _ ? How actually insane do you have to be to think that is a good idea? Where did you dropped when you were little? Did you have some kind of brain trauma I am unaware of? Do you have a cerebrum at all?” 

Peter sat, looking for all the world like a kicked puppy, listening to Tony's lecture. He knew better than to jump in at this point. Also the first time he tried to tell Tony he was fine Tony laughed for almost ten minutes before continuing. 

Unluckily for all of them, Deadpool hadn’t gotten the message. “Ironass!” 

“Friday, put him back in the basement,” Tony said, not even looking at him. Peter was surprised, he’d expected him to go full out, chewing him up for helping Peter and everything. 

“Right away sir,” Friday said, dropping out the floor beneath him.

“Wait, you”ll yell at me but not him?” Peter asked incredulously. “Why?” 

“You want to be a good person, he wants attention,” Tony said simply. “The more I talk to him the worse he gets,” 

“But not to me?” Peter asked. 

“Okay listen kid,” Tony said, sitting down on the sofa Peter had been placed on. “I don’t do the warm squishy stuff, so just so you know, me yelling at you like this, yeah, it means that you fucking scared me today kiddo. You almost died because you didn’t tell us what happened last time you went on patrol, and the same could have been true this time. Just… try to stay alive alright? Or else I’m gonna have to start another war over you, and that just sounds hard.” 

Peter looked down at his hands glumly, biting his lip. “It’s just…” 

“What is it kid? Spit it out,” Tony said. Peter sighed, shaking his head. He wished he could just disappear into the ground completely. 

“Mr. Stark, when I don’t go on patrol people die, you know that, right?” Peter said. 

“Kid that's not your fault-” 

“No Mr. Stark, it is. Because I can stop it, and I chose to stop it, so when I’m just a little tired or sore it  _ is _ my responsibility, because I made that decision,” Peter said. 

“People die Pete, but you can’t keep the weight of the world on your shoulders,” Tony said. “It’s unhealthy. And that’s coming from me.” 

“I can hear them Mr. Stark,” Peter said, clearing his throat to try and keep his voice from shaking. “Every night when I try to sleep, or when I am taking a test, or talking to you right now, I hear them. There’s a woman screaming because a man hit her dog, there’s a homeless man coughing up blood two blocks down, there’s a house being robbed,” Peter said. “Do you know what people yell when that happens?” 

“What Pete?” Tony asked, tilting his head. Peter looked down. 

“They yell for help Mr. Stark,” Peter said. “All the time, they are asking for people to help them. And I  _ can _ ,” He took a deep breath, trying to stop his voice from shaking. “I’m really,  _ really _ sorry I scared you Mr. Stark, but I can’t let these people keep on hurting when I can help them. I’m not gonna stop patrolling. Ever. I’m sorry.” 

Tony wrapped an arm around him, and Peter quickly ducked his head, trying to hide that he’d been crying. “Okay, fair enough,” Tony said. 

“Really?” Peter asked. 

“Oh sure, doesn't mean I’m not gonna stop you,” Tony said. “But I respect the point you’re making. I get it, I do.” 

“I wish I could stop hearing them Mr. Stark,” Peter said shaking his head. “It makes me so tired all the time.” 

“I know buddy,” Tony said, rubbing his arm. They sat in silence for a beat. “When you say you can hear everything, does that apply to the tower to or-” 

“Mr. Stark,” Peter said. “I can’t unhear what I have heard you people say here.” 

“I am so sorry kid.” 

\---

Peter rolled off his bed, feeling content that he would have waited long enough by now for Tony to have gotten distracted by something else. He slid into the Spiderman suit, tip toeing to the window. 

“Where exactly do you think you are going?” Steve asked. Peter winced, looking at the clock. 2:47. He’d have already done his ‘morning’ run. The man was insane. 

“Sorry Mr. Rogers, but there’s an assault going on just around the corner,” He said, side stepping. 

“Get back in bed Peter,” Steve said, laying a restricting hand on his shoulder. “I’m not asking twice.” 

“Then I’m really sorry about this,” Peter said, twisting the arm hard until he heard the  _ pop _ that told him the elbow had been dislocated. Steve dropped and he climbed out the window. He didn’t like hurting his friends, but some things would always come first, and saving lives was one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really hope ya'll liked it! Please comment your thoughts, I love getting to know all of you.


	23. Teenage Rebellion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter goes rouge and MJ does not stop him at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Let me know if you want more chapters with these kinds of scenes.

“Hey Natasha-” MJ said, interrupted by her snapping her fingers. She heaved a heavy sigh. “ _ Mom _ , I need your… expertise… with something.” 

“Good with the name, what can I help you with?” Nat said from the sofa. Her father was still sick and he seemed to tend to fall asleep on her stomach a lot when he was sick. 

“How do I  _ murder my boyfriend _ ,” MJ said, chucking her apple core at the trashcan, perhaps harder then nessesary. Which she realised when the core exploded where it hit the wall. 

“Why? Did he give you a clown egg?” Natasha asked. “Because if he gave you clown eggs, that is completely justified.” 

“Wha- no! Clown eggs… no, he snuck out again.  _ And _ dislocated Steve's arm.” 

“No way did you get a pic- Right, inappropriate. Do you know if Peter’s okay?” She asked. 

“Yeah, he came back early this morning. Friday just let me know,” She said. “Ugh, I’m gonna kill that boy I swear-” 

“Well, while I like to condone violence, I try not to encourage it in children, so why don’t you go cry in a closet, or maybe get a screaming pillow like Sam, or you can sit here and talk to me,” Natasha said, pointing to the chair.

MJ sat down in a huff, crossing her arms. “He almost died Tuesday and now he’s swinging around like nothings wrong! He’s gonna bleed out and die in a back alley somewhere!” 

Natasha pulled a sympathetic face, tilting her head. “Well, that sounds in character,” Natasha said. MJ made a noise in the back of her throat. “Don’t make that noise at me! You decided to date a superhero, these are the consequences.”

“Hmph,” She grunted. “I’m gonna go stab him with a pencil over and over again, okay?” She said, standing up. 

“Don’t get blood on the floor!” Natasha called after her. 

\---

“Steve, it’s been a week, will you please look at me?” bucky said. Steve didn’t say anything, just kept dutifully staring at the TV. “Steeeeve? Stevie? Stevithony?” 

Steve didn’t react, not even blinking until Bucky launched himself across the couch at him. “Ow! My arm’s still sore!” 

“Sorry, I forgot about the small spindly teenager that laid you out yesterday,” Bucky said. 

“Technical it was this morning,” Steve informed. Bucky rolled his eyes, poking his bad shoulder anyway. Steve batted away his hand without looking up. 

“Steve you know the cathlic church doesn't say anything about  _ looking _ at people before marriage, right?” Bucky asked. “Like are you- oooohh.” 

“What? What do you mean? What ‘oh’?” Steve asked, annoyed. 

“Is this because your mom was a prostitute?” Bucky asked. Steve made a very high squeaky noise that should not come out of Captain America ™ and glared at the wall. 

“She never confirmed that she-” 

“Oh come on Stevie, you can’t be actually that blind,” Bucky said. “You’re being more concervitive than a priest in the 40s!”

“Oh please, Father Jacob would have done the same,” Steve said, shaking his head. 

“Wha- Father Jacob took a vow of abstinence when he was eight!” Bucky said. “I meant any  _ sane _ person in the 40s Steven.” 

“Nope,” Steve said, crossing his arms. 

“Ugh, we are getting married in like, a day,” Bucky said. “This is exhausting.” 

“Har har,” Steve said. 

“So what exactly happened to your arm again?” Bucky asked. 

“I already told you,” Steve said, looking confused. 

“It’s my favorite story, I want to hear it again,” Bucky said, laughing as Steve pulled a face. Sometimes if he distracted Steve he forgot that they were ‘breaking the rules’ by looking at each other. 

“Fine, well Tony told me to keep Peter inside, because he’d just had surgery like, yesterday, and it was easy because I  _ thought _ he was asleep. I’d already ran and everything, but then Peter ‘woke up’ but I think he was awake the whole time, and just… left.” Steve said. 

“Why didn’t you stop him?” Bucky asked, knowing full well why. 

“Well I tried. I went to push him back into bed and he just popped my arm out. He was awfully polite about it though,” Steve said. “So I just jammed it back in and left.” 

“He just…  _ pop _ ?” Bucky asked. Steve mock scowled at him, rolling his eyes. 

“Yes, Bucky he- stop laughing, he has super strength!” Steve said, pushing him into the pillows. Bucky sprawled back on the sofa, kicking his feet up on Steve's lap. 

“It’s not my fault you got beat up by someone so… noodle-y,” Bucky said with a giggle. 

“You know the kid laid out Thor with zero training a couple months ago, it’s serious stuff Buck, he’s stronger than anyone on the team,” Steve said. 

\---

MJ slammed the door to her bedroom in frustration, resisting the urge to do more damage to her room. Like maybe punch a hole in the wall and pretend it was her boyfriend. Instead, she just stuck her headphones in and flopped down on the bed, resigned to wait until Peter got back. It’d been awhile already. 

“Does it help if I’m sorry?” A voice asked before she could turn her music on. Startled, she dropped the phone and pulled out her earbuds, looking around her room. It wasn’t until she looked on the ceiling that she saw Peter, fully decked out in the spiderman suit and everything.

“ _ Peter, _ ” She said. “Get down!” 

“Alright, alright,” He said, flipping off the ceiling and landing in front of her, sitting cross legged. “I really am sorry.” 

“No, you’re not, because if you were sorry you wouldn’t have gone out there!” MJ said. “Are you insane? You just had surgery  _ two days ago _ Peter. Two. I mean, are you trying to die? Is this one big, long, drawn out suicide attempt?” 

Peter kept staring at her while she ranted, his hair completely messed up thanks to the mask. “I don’t want to die, or- well that’s not entirely true, but that’s not why I did this,” 

“Then why Peter? Because you don’t have the excuse of being an idiot, I’ve seen you in the lab,” She said, crossing her arms. Peter shrugged. 

“It’s my job. And I  _ want _ to do it. It’s nice, saving people and all,” Peter said. “You don’t understand, and then you do it, and then… I dunno. It just makes me feel good,” 

“Hmph,” She said, crossing his arms. Peter tilted his head. 

“Are your parents still listening at the door?” Peter asked. 

“First of all they listen in the ceiling, and no, they probably went to go tease Steve or something, why?” Instead of answering, Peter grabbed her hand. 

“I’m gonna show you,” He said, standing up. 

“Show me what?” She asked. “Your pet rock collection? Because Ned already-” 

“No,” Peter said, grinning. It was the same grin as when he did something right in science or showed up Flash. “I’m gonna show you why it’s so great.” 

“But I don’t have superpowers,” She said. 

“Natasha and Clint adopted you, that’s its own superpower,” Peter said, shaking his head. “Come on,” 

Before MJ knew it, Peter had grabbed her hand, making himself stick so that she couldn’t let go, and they were out the window and swinging off the building.

“ _ Peter, we’re gonna die _ ,” MJ shouted over the wind. 

“ _ That’s part of the fun. Just hold on,”  _ Peter yelled. She pulled herself up so Peter had a arm wrapped around her and looked down, which was stupid, she knew it was stupid, but it made her panic all the same. 

“ _ Are you SURE you aren't gonna drop me _ ?” She asked. 

_ “Pretty sure _ ” Peter yelled back. “ _ There is an armed mugging down the corner, that sounds good? _ ” 

“Sounds stupid,” She muttered. Peter faltered his pattern, turning to look at her.  _ “Count me in _ ” 

They swung their way over, MJ loosening her iron grip on Peters shoulders slightly as she got used to the patterned a little bit more. She did end up wishing she’d fixed her hair into a bun though. Before she knew it, Peter jumped from his ‘web’ onto a roof and set her down. 

“If you move from here just shoot me because I don’t want to be alive for what your parents would do if I got you hurt,” Peter said. 

“What, and compromise the view?” She asked. Peter chuckled, and promptly leapt off the building, not bothering with his webs as he landed right in the middle of two people wrestling on the ground. 

She tried her best to keep track of the flurry of motion she saw below, Peter's red suit blurring with the two figures clad in black. There were a few bangs, which sounded something like a gunshot, echoing down the empty(ish) streets. 

It was hard to follow Peter as he ping-ponged between buildings, trees on the sidewalk, and a few empty cars. In the end she saw Peter waving at her while another man slumped, webbed to the building. 

Peter swung up to her and grabbed her hand, scampering down again before she could say anything. “This is Marie Rose, that man tried to take her purse,” He said, gesturing to the lady. “This is MJ, she helps me patrol.” 

“Well, what a beautiful young lady,” Marie Rose said, smiling at her. MJ waved awkwardly. “Thank you again for saving my purse, young man, that old sack has the only photos of my grandchildren in it. I don’t know what that awful man wanted with it anyway, time to replace it. Really should have done it last spring,” 

Peter nodded along patiently with the old lady's babbling, and she could see he was grinning underneath his mask. “Of course ma’am, try to stay safe,” 

“Oh I will,” She said, collecting her coat off the ground and mumbling about dry cleaning as she shuffled off. 

“Do you want to go back now, or should we see if anyone else needs help?” Peter asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

“I don’t know, how are you feeling?” MJ asked, intertwining their fingers. 

“I could do this all day,” Peter said with a laugh. “But I don’t wanna force you to come along, and I did already do it so I’ve made my appearances.”

“If you’re fine,” MJ said. Before she could finish Peter had shot a web at a building and they where in the air again. “ _ Let’s go! _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone commented with the line 'good old fashion teenage rebellion' which was, of course, referencing my decision to stab my ear with a safety pin, but it super inspired my chapter! I hope you like it, please comment if you liked it!


	24. I really hope you don't ship Steve and Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!!

“Mh, are we mad at her for this?” Clint asked, watching MJ and Peter swing around on the screen. Tony had popped it up for them and stormed off after getting a call from some large business owner. 

“We’re not actually mad, do we want to fake being mad is the question,” Natasha said, leaning against Clint. He chuckled, leaning his chin on her head in the annoying way that she actually loved. 

“Hm, maybe fake disappointment?” Clint said. “Or should we lull her into a false sense of security and act like we had no idea she left?”

“Definitely has possibility,” She said humming, Clint laughed.

“They do look happy though, don’t they,” Clint said, wrapping his arm around her waist.

“Yeah,” Natasha said. “I’d be cuter if Peter hadn’t had surgery two days ago,” She said. “Or if there wasn’t blood on his mask or-”

“Yeah yeah yeah, alright Ms. glass-half-empty,” He said. 

“Oh, I’m Ms now?” She said laughing. Clint licked the top of her head, making her try and escape. “Ew, are you sire- oh my gosh what are they doing?” She said, looking at the screen. 

“What- are they in a lab?” He asked. “Why wouldn’t they just use Tonys...Friday patch in the audio, alright?” 

“Of course sir,” Friday said. A moment later the kids' voices flooded out the speaker. 

“-just can’t believe that you would sneak  _ into _ school,” MJ said. 

“Hey, you just saw me being super cool and spiderman-ish, you gotta take the bad with the good MJ,” Peter said.. “Besides, we’ll be in and out, I just need some results.” 

“What possible results could be kept inside a school?” MJ asked, she leaned on a filing cabinet just off screen. 

“See, she's dating the dorkiest highschooler I could find,” Clint said. “I couldn’t have planned it better if I’d done it myself.” 

“Yeah yeah,” She said, leaning further back into him. 

“I had to do some tests on everyone in the tower- don’t look at me like that, they’re normal tests. I just needed to test four random people’s relations. It’s Mr. Jamesons, he likes to cause rifts in families and-  _ HOLY SHIT! _ ” Peter yelped, dropping the results. 

“What? What is it?” MJ asked. Both of them perked up, trying to catch anything they say onscreen. 

“That's… no. No way. This isn’t even… possible. How would that have… no,” Peter said. 

“Who’s related? Peter?” MJ said. “It’s not my parents is it? If it’s my parents I’m running away,”

“No,” Peter whispered. “We have to go.” 

They stood, watching the camera follow the two of them swinging across NYC, MJ getting bolder and bolder until she was barely holding onto Peter, instead leaning into the wind. 

“They're gonna break their necks,” Clint muttered. 

“You were a trapeze artist when you were their age.” Natasha said. “What do you think those results said?” 

“I donno, something that made Peter flip out,” Clint said, shrugging. She mummed, leaning back against him. “We should probably do damage control.” 

“They don’t know we know yet,” She said. “Let them try and figure it out on their own. They’ll freak out and ask us for help eventually,” 

\---

“Mr. Wade I didn’t know what to do!” Peter said, shoving the results under deadpool's nose. Or, where his nose probably was. He’d taken to never removing the mask again. Something about security blankets. 

“What are-  _ Perceptive fucking ventriliquest what the fucking frickidy fuck!” _ Wade said, dropping the redultd like they had been burning him. Actually faster because he didn’t mind self abuse. 

“Watch your mouth sir, I don’t want to have to bring out the soap again,” Peter said, shaking his head. 

“Oh, so you let deadpool hold the papers, but your girlfriend? Nah,” MJ said saltily from his lap. Peter furrowed his brow indignantly. 

“MJ we were two hundred feet up in the air, you would have dropped them!” Peter said.

“You don’t  _ know  _ that,” MJ said, narrowing her eyes. 

“What do you think keeps happening to my math homework?” Peter asked. 

“I just assumed you when’t doing it,” MJ said. 

“Why wouldn’t I-” Peter started. Deadpool, clearly fed up, threw an apple at Peter's face. 

“Shut your mouth or I’m wiring it closed spidey,” Wade said. “I’ve done it before.” 

“No you didn’t,” Peter said. “You tried to and I bit your finger off,” 

“Apples and potatoes,” Wade said. 

“That is… so not the phrase you were looking for,” MJ chimed in. “So, you think the tests are right?” 

“I mean… I could see it,” Wade said. “They do act like siblings, even ones that hate each other,” 

“But how would it… work?” Peter said. “That’s the only part that I don’t get. It’s just… it shouldn’t be possible,” 

“Believe me, if people want to do it, they will find a way-” MJ said, cut off by Peter covering her mouth with his hand. “Mmph,” 

“You can’t say things like that when you’re talking about him, it’s too weird,” Peter said. 

“Aw, little Petey needs a nap!” Deadpool said. Peter stood up. “Where are you going?” 

“To bed!” Peter called over his shoulder. “If I’m lucky this’ll have been a very elaborate dream,” 

\---

“Tony,” Steve said, walking into his lab, “I need your help- what are you doing?” 

“What do you mean ‘what am I doing?’ I’m working, what does it look like?” Tony shot back, shifting the phone to his other ear. 

“You’re inside a pile of metal,” Steve said. 

“Well it fell on me while I was working on it, and I didn’t have time to call a suit to lift me out. Also I think my wrist is broken,” Tony said casually. 

“Who are you on the phone with?” Steve asked. 

“Some stupid CEO of some small buisness thanking me for contributing a few thousand dollars during this ‘time of crisis’ or whatever. Pepper makes me listen to everyones sob stories after I do something ‘good’.” Tony said, rolling his eyes. “Jeez this guy can talk, I muted myself about five minutes ago and he hasn’t noticed.” 

“Why did you mute yourself?” Steve asked. “Please tell me you where screaming in pain, your hands screwed, you need to go to a doctor,” 

“Whatever, wrists are easy to set. And no, it’s a business thing. If I’m not actively speaking I mute myself. I don’t want them to hear me breath,” 

“I’m gonna lift this… thing off of you, try not to move, okay?” Steve said. Tony rolled his eyes, but took Steve's hand and crawled out when the car was lifted above his head. 

“Alright, there was your good deed for the day,” Tony said, brushing off a suit that probably cost more than Steve with little care. 

“I think Peter is broken,” Steve said. “I asked Friday if he knew why Wade’s been cackling all day and she said that he’s asleep. He must have slept almost 16 hours by now,” 

“Fri, how much sleep has Peter gotten today?” Tony asked. 

“Peter Parker has slept for a total of five hours as of now. Do you need to wake him?” 

“No, let the kid sleep,” Tony said. “See, fine. He likes to think I don’t know when he sneaks out.” 

“But… he dislocated my shoulder and snuck out last night, but then he came back and went to sleep. Right?” 

Tony opened his mouth to reply, only to be cut off by a loud bang, making them both look over to the other side of the lab, where MJ stood in the doorway. “I need to talk to you Tony,” 

“Jeez, does no one knock around here?” Tony asked. “Sure, fine, come in,” 

“Steve, Wade is waiting for you in the other room,” MJ said, pointing to the door Steve came through earlier,” 

“Wha-” Steve started. 

“Come on, trust the scary elf child and go talk,” Tony said, shooing Steve. The taller man shook his head, but did as he was told, cautiously going out the door. 

After MJ made sure the door really was closed and Steve was out of hearing range, she turned to Tony, pursing her lips. “There’s a problem,” 

“What?” Tony asked. “Did you kill your boyfriend?” 

“I wish. No, but he was doing something dumb for school, we have a creep teacher who loves tearing apart families, and so he tested the relation of four people living in this house,” 

“Alright, who’d he test?” 

“Me, Steve, Bucky and… you,” MJ said. “The thing is, according to the results-” 

“Steve and I are related,” Tony filled in for her, “Yeah, I know,” 

“You  _ know _ ?” MJ said. “And you never told anyone?” 

“Listen, my father was a creep, he slept around with probably a hundred women a year, sometimes he played with time travel, it’s no big surprise how it happened,” Tony said. “Most likely I was already born when he did… that. I do DNA tests on everyone who enters the upper levels of this tower, I found out the day I meet the man,” 

“Does Steve know?” MJ asked, leaning forward. This was much more interesting than the dresses girls couldn’t refund this year. 

“No, and you are gonna keep it that way,” Tony said. “I think it’d break him right now. If anyone does tell him, it needs to be in a very calm, gentle way. I don’t want to see what happens when Steve snaps.” 

“Well then I have some bad news for you…” 

\---

“Alright, this letter and this letter are the same,” Wade said, pointing to the wall where he’d drawn the hangman game. 

“ ‘S’?” Steve asked. 

“Yep! Now just sound that out,” Deadpool said, laughing. 

Ur mom Sl pt With Tony s Dad supr se

“My mom… wait,” Steve said. “You’re not saying…” 

“Hey, Bucky could have been your brother instead, this is the best ending here bud,” Wade said, throwing the sharpie, uncapped, at Steve. “Congrates, you have a brother.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to keyboard smash down below.


	25. You can't outrun a Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy!!!

“This… isn’t… I can’t… this couldn’t possibly be…  _ how _ ?” Steve asked, pausing his pacing to stair at Wade. Wade shrugged. 

“I don’t have any answers, unless you want to know a complete list of things that make the average high school spider scream and cover your mouth,” Wade said. 

“ _ Get out _ ,” Steve yelled, pointing to the door. Wade instead jumped out the window. 

“Catch me Parker!” Wade screamed. He distantly heard a splat. “What the  _ shit _ Parker!” 

“I can’t… this is… help me!” Steve squeaked, sitting down. He rubbed his hands over his face, resting his head on his knees. 

“Contacting Bucky Barnes,” Friday informed.

“Wait, no no no, don’t-” He said. Two seconds later Bucky burst through the door. 

“Friday said that there was an emergency,” Bucky said, “something about family? Are you okay?” He kneeled down on the floor in front of Steve, rubbing his shoulder. 

“No, no I’m fine,” Steve said, rubbing his face. “It’s just… Wade said something and I thought that it was just stupid, b-but Friday confermed it…” 

“Confirmed what?” Bucky asked. “Seriously Stevie, is everything okay? What happened?”

“I…” He looked around the room, fisting a hand in the front of his hair. “I’ve got to go.” 

“Go? Go where?” Bucky asked, alarmed when Steve jumped up. “Steve?”

“I’m… I’m gonna go run.” He said, looking out the window. He should have almost an hour until the sun set. “Yeah, running sounds good. I need to get out.”

“No, Steve, that's a bad idea. You’re gonna get hurt if you go out there alone,” Bucky said, moving to stand in front of Steve. 

“Get hurt- how would I get hurt? I’m just running!” Steve said, shaking his head and trying to walk past Bucky anyway. Bucky put a hand on his chest, stopping him. 

“Last time I let you go out like…  _ this _ you got your skull cracked open from that stupid street fight,” Bucky said, raising his voice slightly. “Now please tell me what’s going on? What has you so upset?” 

“Tony,” Steve said, shaking his head. “He’s… my brother.” 

“What the fuck-” 

\---

“I can’t believe you  _ knew _ and you didn’t say anything,” MJ said. “I mean, I get the sear embarrassment of being related to… that… but still, I thought you’d be the kind of guy to wax poetically about that, not just be quiet,” 

“Yeah, well it takes remarkable self control for me to never mention the fact I ever had a family, I wouldn’t want something like a half brother to get in the way of that,” Tony said, wrapping a improvised splint made from shrapnel around his wrist. 

“Oh come on, he’s your brother. Didn’t that mean anything to you? At all?” MJ said. 

“MJ you don’t quite- shit, I gotta get back to this call. You go talk to your parents, I have a feeling you didn’t tell them where you were going. If you see Peter send him down here to get his ass kicked for sneaking out, will you?” Tony said, pressing the phone to his ear and turning away before MJ could reply. 

She muttered to herself before hopping on the elevator, which seemed to be open and waiting for her. Tony probably had some code word to call it or something creepy. She shook her head, stepping inside. “Goodmorning Michelle,” 

“Hey Fri, do you need to take me to my parents?” MJ asked, leaning against the interior wall. 

“I am afraid so.” Friday said. MJ groaned, pulling her hair on top of her head. She was pretty quickly realising that they probably knew about her swinging around New York with Peter, and she was in for the scolding of a lifetime.

She stepped through the entryway to see her parents sitting at the kitchen table, both of their faces completely unreadable. 

“I have to sit down now, don’t I?” She asked. Clint nodded once and she sighed, making her way to the table and sitting at a seat across from them. “Go ahead and give your spiel,” 

“I can’t believe you were so irresponsible,” Natasha said after a moment, and MJ braced herself to handle the lecture she was about to receive. “Going out with Peter like that. I thought I had taught you better,” 

“Okay,” MJ said, crossing her arms. While she was used to long, rambling and loud lectures from her parents, mostly her mother, her father liked to skip the talking bit, for some reason hearing the words out of their mouths was more difficult to swallow. 

“I mean, I know that you are going to sneak out, and probably go on patrol with him, but come on, showing your face to the public like that, anyone could have taken a picture of you, and guess what, then you’re a target,” She said. 

“Ok- what?” MJ asked, tilting her head. Not the direction she thought they were heading. 

“Well I knew you would sneak out, we expect nothing less, but come on,” Natasha said, shaking her head. Clint lifted a paper bag off the floor and poured the contents onto the desk. 

“We’ll be working with Tony to get you a suit that actually provides some protection, but until he gets that made, you are not going out in any way that you might be recognised, understand?” Clint said. 

“What’s… all of this?” She asked, looking at the pool of black on the table. 

“Leotard, black leggings, and a mask. It has a similar design as Peters, what with the eyes and all, but it’s all black. Except the eyes, those are reflective mirrors,” Clint said. “And I found a way to make them move with your face like Peters, because we like bugging you.” 

“Wait… so I’m not in trouble?” She asked. 

“Of course you are in trouble,” Natasha said. “You went out with nothing to disguise yourself, who knows who could have seen you.” Her mother sighed, shaking her head. “And we’ll have to double down on training. Two and a half hours, every day. Every other day we do it twice, understood?” 

“I- yes!” MJ said, bouncing up. “Yes of course!” Clint beamed at her, breaking his completely flat face, and she swore she saw Natasha crack a grin. 

“Alright, you can go. Hang this up though, I don’t want it getting wrinkled,” Natasha said. 

“Okay!” She said, grabbing it “Thank you!” 

\--- 

“Steve, you can’t outrun your problems,” Tony said from the car window. Next to him, Steve lowered his head, continuing to try and outrun the car. “Steve,  _ Steve! _ ” 

“Will you… go away?” Steve said, pointedly not looking at him. 

“According to the speedometer we’re up to… 97 miles per hour.” Tony said, laughing. “Thank goodness we have permanent access to the emergency lane.”

“Tony I don’t… want to talk to… anyone right now… least of all… you.” Steve panted, 

“Whooh, all the way up to 103 MPH. Good for you Cap,” Tony said. “Look, you don’t think I’m thrilled about this, do you? But inducing cardiac arrest isn’t the solution.” 

“It’s that or… jumping in front… of this car…” Steve said. 

“Mr. Rogers, do I need to show you so _ you have a poor mental health _ video? Because I will,” Peter popped up, making both of them scream. “Calm down, I’ve been here the whole time,” 

“Where did you learn to do that?” Tony asked. 

“Mr. Wade taught me!” Peter said. “It’s really easy if you don’t breath,” 

“Okay, Peter, get off the floor, who knows what’s on there,” Tony said. “Steve get in the car before you rupture something.” 

“ _ No, _ ” Steve said. “I’m happy where I am, thank you very much,” 

“I’ve got it Mr. Stark,” Peter said. Tony didn’t really see what exactly happened, but Steve ended up in the seat next to him, and he was pretty sure that Peter was sitting on the roof. 

“We need to talk about this,” Tony said. 

“I have rules,” Steve painted, once he got his breath back enough to talk. “Rules that… you need to follow… if we’re gonna be in the tower together.”

“Fine, lay them on me,” Tony said. 

“Okay… you can’t talk about how hot I am now…” Steve said. “That’s just weird. And you… need to… promise to keep yourself alive, because back in the forties I had almost six other siblings die and I’m not watching another one. And you can’t tell me about the creepy thing your dad had for me anymore, alright?” Steve said. 

“Your dad too, but fine, sure thing cap, but I have rules of my own,” Tony said. “Rule number one, no more khakis. They’re ugly and old and I can’t be half related to someone who wears them.”

“Wha-” 

“I’m not done,” Tony said. “Rule number two, you do not talk to anyone about this outside of the tower until I handle the press with Pepper, got it? You’ll screw it all up and you are the kinda guy who would get tricked by a reporter. Also, no more parting your hair with just water. Got it?” Tony said. 

“I… fine.” Steve said. “You know this means you can’t shoot me now,” 

“Thor and Loki don’t seem to have that problem,” Tony said. Steve side eyed him. “ _ Fine _ , no shooting.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope ya'll liked it!!


	26. Did... you say cult?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dkjladnofdnkejnfalxscinjkfrdjfnsdcvhjljefncsvhn;dsjfngsdochnsd;fndocns;dfkjlngsrdjknf;weunvfldvnaskdfbnr;ouhgreuk help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PPPPPPPPPPlease enjoy, and sorry for updating so fast, I just update when I finish writing... whoops.

“Your parents were  _ okay _ with you going with me?” Peter asked, tilting his head. MJ sat next to him on her bed, playing with the mask they’d given her. 

“Yeah, it’s… weird,” she said. “Also, I don’t want your eyes. We’ll need to figure something else out.” 

“Weird how?” Peter asked, grabbing her hand from playing with a loss thread and intertwining them. She shrugged. 

“I donno, it’s like… I want to go with you, and I don’t want to just sit there helpless incase something happens, but I also don’t want to be a superhero in a fancy suit and no powers,” She said, shrugging. 

“So you don’t want to be Tony?” Peter said, giggling. 

“Tony has a superpower,” she said, shaking her head. “Money. Plus he owns like… everything. Including the government,” 

“He owns the government?” Peter asked. 

“Yeah he hated the way they were handling COVID so he just… bought it,” She said, playing with his fingers. 

“Well you know, you don’t have to have superpowers to be a hero, look at your parents. They are just super super trained, maybe you could do that,” Peter said. 

“You mean… be a spy?” MJ asked. “Would they let me?” 

“MJ, they just gave you a suit and said that you were free to go with me on patrol, I think they are encouraging it,” Peter said. “Besides, it’ll make me less scared of breaking you.” 

“Wh- _ breaking me _ ? You’re joking right?” She asked. Peter's eyes widened. 

“I-wh- hehe, no I just… it’s not that you aren't strong just… I mean,” He stammered. She raised an eyebrow. “One time I hugged Wade and I broke him in half! I’m scared of breaking everyone! It’s got nothing to do with you!”

“Alright alright, I believe you,” She said, patting his head simpithedicly. “Still, I dunno about all of this.” 

“Maybe you could just… go through the training and then… maybe then you decide. That way you don’t have to commit to anything you don’t want to, and you can try it out,” Peter sudjusted. 

“That’s probably a good idea,” She said, “Ugh, why is life so hard. I just want to lie down and be entertained, when did everything get so complicated?” 

“Some time between when we were born and now,” Peter said, starting a mini braid in her hair. She half heartedly swatted his hand away, not making him stop. “Hey, now that you’ve got this cool stuff, you wanna try it out?”

“Like, as in, going out on patrol with you now?” She asked, sitting up. “Really?” 

“Yeah! Let’s go!” He said. “I’m gonna go grab my suit!” 

\---

Steve walked through the doorway to his bedroom, if he had a tail it would be between his legs right now. “Hey Bucky,” He whispered, keeping his head down. 

Bucky jolted his head up from the show he was watching. “Steve? Oh my gosh, I thought you’d died! Or killed someone! Or started another war or-” He said. “You know what, fuck  _ you _ Steve,” 

Steve laughed, shaking his head. “Sorry for worrying you?” He said. Bucky got up, placing a hand on either of Steve's shoulders and looking him up and down. “Buck, you’re starting to freak out bud,” 

“Are you sure you’re fine? You usually come back all beat up. Are your legs fine? You didn’t give yourself a stress fracture or anything?” Bucky said. 

“No Buck, nothing is wrong with me, I promise,” Steve said. “Sorry for disappearing.” 

“Okay, well then will you  _ please _ tell me what happened? And what’s going on with Tony?” Bucky asked, still looking incredibly concerned. 

“I… can’t think about that. Friday?” He asked, not wanting to have to explain. Bucky tightened his hands on Steves biceps, almost to the point of being painful. 

“Steven Rogers has been panicking for the last three hours due to his finding about the relation between him and boss,” Friday said. 

“Relation… right, the brother thing. How’d that even happen? Like, logistically it doesn't seem… possible.” Bucky said, furrowing his brow.

“Boss’s father liked to sleep around. Not always in his own decade,” Friday said dryly. Steve winced. 

“You and Tony are… brothers?” He asked. Steve winced. 

“Half brothers,” Steve said, slumping. Bucky smoothed his hands from his arms to across his back, letting Steve rest his head on his shoulders. “It… my mom,” 

“I know,” Bucky said, rubbing his back rhythmically. “It’s okay, there are worse people to be related to.” 

“Like who?” Steve said, snorting. 

“Hitler?” Bucky sudjusted. Steve rolled his eyes. 

“Barely,” 

\---

Peter swung around a little at first, more than happy to let MJ enjoy getting to be out with him. He’d decided that now, the only reasonable thing he could do, was to have two patrols. The ones with MJ where he helped people with stolen bikes and kittens in trees, and the other one, where he did the more dangerous stuff. He’d already found a way to hide it from Karen, he didn’t need MJ ratting him out when she saw what he dealt with. 

“What’s going on down there?” MJ yelled over the wind, pointing to a mass of people below. 

“It looks like a riot!” He yelled back. “Stay here, if they don’t have weapons you can help out!” He dropped her on a roof, much to her annoyance, and swung in the opposite direction, back to the noise. 

He dropped off the web about ten feet up and fell into a roll, landing in front of a seemingly deranged woman. “Ma’am, are you alright? Your head is bleeding,” 

“Spiderman… spiderman… does whatever a spider… can…” The women sang in a high voice. It sounded childlike and out of place in the riot. He tilted his head, confused. 

“Ma’am, um, here, sit down and tell me why all of you are out. It’s still a lockdown you know, you can’t come out yet,” He said. To his surprise, she reached out, smacking him across the face with one of her hands. 

“We… are the peoples… temple…” she hissed. Peter froze in his tracks. He turned back to her, focusing completely on the sign in the woman's hand. 

“What did you say?” He asked, sounding alarmed, even to his own ears. 

“The peoples… temple… we have… risen…” She croaked again. Despite being relatively young she sounded like someone with one foot in the grave. 

“I’ve… gotta go,” He whispered. “I’ll be back!” He shot a web up to the roof he’d dumped MJ on and yanked himself up, accidentally bending the rail in the process. 

“Peter? What’s going on? Can I help, did you see anything?” she asked. 

“I’m taking you back to the tower,” Peter said, grabbing her hand and jumping down, starting to swing as fast as he could one handed. 

“What?  _ Why _ ? What’s going on?” She asked indignantly. 

“Just trust me, you’re gonna get hurt down there,” Peter yelled over the wind. “Those people are psychos, and I live in the avengers tower. They’ll screw with you,” 

“Who will? What are you talking about?” She yelled. 

“Turn on the news when you get home! I’m sure you’ll see it!” He said, spotting the window to her room, which had been left open. He tossed her in and webbed the window shut behind him, just in case. 

\---

“What are you pouting about?” Natasha asked, sitting up. She crossed her arms, having already taken off her mask, knowing she didn’t even have the chance to deny it. 

“I was out with Peter and  _ I _ pointed out this big riot and he said that if it was safe I could help tell people to go home, but when he went down to check it out he freaked and took me back here,” She said, huffing. 

“Did he say why?” Clint asked, sitting up from where he’d been lounging on the sofa. 

“Just that I’d get hurt and to turn on the news,” she said. “I mean, I’m not made of glass! Just because he has superpowers-” 

“Oh shit,” Clint said, flipping on the TV, “I’m glad he brought you back MJ, this looks…” 

“What? What is it?” she asked, her rant forgotten. She went to stand next to the sofa and watch the news with them. 

“-Multiple eye witness accounts are claiming to have seen a gathering of the Peoples Temple Cult in downtown manhattan. People are being cautioned to continue self isolating, and to not confront the members at this time. Police continue to stay at a distance, as they seem to be using COVID as a defence weapon, coughing on and licking anyone who gets close,” The woman on the news said.

“What the hell…” Natasha said, throwing her hair up as they watched. “You said that Peter turned back?” 

“Yes! He webbed my window shut and swung off!” She said, wringing her hands nervously. 

“The spiderman suit is inside,” Friday supplied. “But Peter Parker is not in the building,”

“He was definitely wearing the suit,” MJ said. 

“He seems to have made an exact replica of the boss's spiderman suit, without any of the protective coding or reports,” Friday said, sounding worried herself. 

“What do we do?” MJ asked, bouncing anxiously on the balls of her feet. 

“There’s nothing we really can do, none of us have the immune symptom he does, even in suits like Tony. Steve maybe, but I’ve been trying to keep him from finding out about cults,” Natasha said. 

“Bu- wait, why?” MJ said. 

“I’m worried he’ll be too interested. Plus him and Tony have their own drama right now,” Natasha said. “Peter’s strong, he’ll be back soon,” 

“This is so fucked up,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise we aren't done with the Steve and Tony storyline by any means, but cults are so much fun I felt like throwing one in for a chapter or two.


	27. Watch out for the cults childrens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yodal a he hoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We just got disney plus and my life is made. Time to watch every marvel movie on there.

“Tony… you should come see this,” Bruce called across the lab as Tony walked in, throwing his keys on a bench somewhere. 

“See what? Did Steve talk to the press, because I swear that Pepper wouldn’t be above murder,” Tony said. 

“No, it’s Peter,” Bruce said. That got Tony's attention, and he strode quickly to look at the TV that Bruce was fixed on. 

“-while law enforcement is keeping their distance for safety reasons, the neighborhood vigilante has taken matters into his own hands, confiscating as many weapons as possible and dropping them off with the police. He seems unconcerned about the cults threats of bioweapons as he-” 

“Cult- wait is that  _ Peter _ ?” Tony asked. “I thought he was home! The spiderman suit returned with MJ!” 

“I don’t know why that happened, but that is definitely Peter,” Bruce said. “And that is definitely a cult,” 

“Peter’s had a few run ins with those guys before, apparently they had one of those mass suicide things happening a while ago,” Tony said. “He’s mentioned them after patrol- what’s going on with his suit!” 

“It appears he perfectly replicated your design without interfering with anything, other than safety features,” Friday said. “This suit does not report back to you,” 

“Damn that kid, alright, call mark 158,” Tony said to the ceiling. Friday dinged her recognition of the command and started the que to get it ready. 

“Are you going after him in the Ironman suit?” Bruce asked. “Doesn't that feel a little… extreme?” 

“No, what’s extreme is that Peter is trying to break up a cult gathering alone in the streets of manhattan during a pandemic. Me using the ironman suit is the least of the problems with this situation.” 

“Are you sure it’ll be fine?” Bruce asked. “I mean, he is a kid… maybe just give him a call…” 

“Geez Bruce, it’s not like I am going to shoot him with it or anything, I am just gonna… grab him. And I can’t call him, because he can’t take his phone with him on patrol, I could call his suit but  _ Oh wait _ -” 

“Alright alright, just be nice to the kid, he doesn't mean any harm,” Bruce said. “And he dropped MJ off first, so at least he knows how to keep  _ other _ people safe,” 

“I swear I’m gonna strangle that kid,” 

\--- 

“Okay, but see, this still doesn't make any sense Buck, because see, them my mother would still have had to-” 

“Steve, for the last time, your mother was a prostitute, she slept around, Howard happened to come in after your father died, it isn’t that big a deal,” Bucky said. “Listen, it’s three AM, can we please go to sleep?” 

“I already slept for the night,” Steve said. “I got seven hours… I’m gonna go run again,” 

“Like hell you are,” Bucky said, rolling over in bed and trapping him with the vibranium arm. Steve squirmed but the metal was significantly stronger than him, he already knew. 

“Please let me go,” Steve groaned. “I need to process, and when I need to process I run.”

“I’m over this. Steve, it’s three A.M. maybe you’d fall asleep later if you didn’t wake up so damn early,” Bucky said. “I don’t care if you don’t fall back asleep, you’re staying in bed as long as I am,”

“Wait- Bucky no I-” Steve said, hearing his voice rise slightly in panic. Bucky didn’t respond verbally, only rolling over onto him. “Mmpf, Buck?” 

“Good luck getting out, I’m still stronger than you,” Bucky muttered. “G’night,” 

\---

“Ma’am, you’re right, it is your right to protest, but you  _ need _ to stay six feet apart, alright?” Peter said. “I’ll even paint squares on the sidewalk for you, okay?” 

“We’re gonna free you… no class… no race… no discrimination at all… your pretty little mask… everyone will be… just like you. Forever,” The older woman said, swaying slightly, leaning closer to his face and breathing right on him. “For-ev-er…” 

“Alright, you know what,” Peter said. “As much as I like to debate theology with you guys, I have a curfew and a girlfriend who’s waiting to kick my ass so…” 

He shot a web, pulling himself on top of a Lexis turned on it’s side, stretching. “Alright, are any of you willing to stand six feet apart? Because I really don’t want to have to do this if I don’t have to!” He yelled, letting the suit amplify his voice slightly. 

“We are! The people! Temple!” They yelled, shaking their signs. 

“Alright. Sorry about this guys. Even if you did ask for it,” He said, before jumping up, shooting a web to one side of the mass of people, and jumping to the other side of it, almost sixty feet, and then repeating. 

In the end, he had almost literally spun a web, intraping them under the web. “That should hold you guys for a little while,”

It didn’t take them five minutes to rip the web in half. “Or… maybe not- oh shit,” It took maybe three minutes for them to riot, pulling him under them. 

He, instinctively, curled himself up to protect his head. Although he kept trying to stand, they quickly formed a circle around him, slamming their feet, palms, one of them had a tire iron, beating him as hard as they could. 

He could feel and hear his bones breaking, almost two hundred human bodies writhed around him, biting and slapping, whatever they could do to tear him apart. 

Biting down the scream in his throat, he felt his body being lifted, yanking him high in the air. Whoever grabbed him drug his body over about ten feet before dropping him. 

“Mr. Deadpool?” He asked, his throat aching with the dirt and blood he’d already swallowed. Wade crouched in front of him, his mask torn off to show his face. “What’s wrong with your face?” 

“Peter? Holy shit Peter! You’re insane! Of course my face looks like it just got torn in half,” Wade said. “It looks like you broke several ribs, we need to get you to the doctor,” 

“Your face is… normal. Why is your face normal?” Peter asked, tilting his head. “ _ Whoa _ now there’s fifty of you…” 

“Listen, your father is blasting those cult-fucking-asshates into high heaven with his fancy suit, I’m here to make sure that you’re alright. What happened?”

“I was… everyone was yelling I just…” Peter whispered. The world seemed to be spinning around him, and he felt like he was drowning. 

“Okay, you’re too fucked to speak. Come on,” DEadpool said, putting an arm under Peter and lifting him up, surprisingly gently, given the anger radiating off of him, and walking back the way they came. 

“They’re all dead,” Tony’s voice floated over Peter's head. It felt like fabric, like silk pooling over his head. HE was definitely concussed. “Maybe I should have tried to save them but…” 

“Hell, I was gonna do worse,” Wade spoke again, although Peter could more feel him talking then hear him. He felt like his head was full, everything felt muffled. “We need to get him help. Like, now,” 

“I’ve got it covered.” Tony said. “I’m having my suit scan him and upload everything in the tower, Bruce should be helping get the equipment we need ready,” 

Peter blinked rapidly, feeling the words spin around his head. He could almost see them wheezing by. “Why- you speaking… fast” He muttered, wincing as he tasted the blood in his throat. 

“Shut it,” Wade said, covering Peter's mouth with a hand gently, effectively cutting out anything else he might have said. Talking was hard enough anyway.

“Grab onto my suit, I’ll fly us back,” Tony said. They said other things too, but as soon as Wade started walking again, white hot flairs of pain shot through his body, and he couldn’t hear anything anymore. Probably not a good sign. 

\--- 

“This isn’t good,” Bruce said, sitting down. They’d spend the better part of the day and some of the next trying to keep Peter alive. Thankfully his healing factor seemed to have its own form of intuition, because it hadn’t seemed to affect their work at all yet. “We don’t know what his healing factor is working on,” 

“Isn’t that good though?” Tony asked. “Like we don’t want it working on what we were doing, right?” 

“No, it means that there is something going on with him that we don’t know about yet. Who knows what his healing factor is working on that is taking so long,” Bruce said, looking around at the bloodied goze left on the floor. 

“Maybe it’s just working on… I donno,” Tony said, scrubbing his face. “Maybe we broke the healing factor. Or more accurately he did. Overtaxing it or something,” 

“I want to get him in for a CT again, just to double-” He muttered. 

“Wait, look at that,” Tony said, poking the face of the poor teen. “See that? It’s healing.” 

The cut on his face was, infact, healing. “That’s a good sign,” Bruce said. “You think you’ll be alright here checking on him?” He asked, yawning. 

“Yeah, it’ll be fine,” Tony said. “Do you think killing Peter will hurt him?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya'll liked it! Stay away from cults...


	28. Peter Parker has No Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter gets hurt and his chaos parents with control issues are not here for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it! I stabbed myself in the leg while I was asleep, so I think I know a thing or two about righting med scenes now.

When Peter woke up, his first thought was about how insanely it’s bright in here. He shifted, moving to bring his hand to his face, hoping to cover his eyes. Instead, his wrist caught about a quarter of the way up. Alarmed, he squinted at his arm, surprised to see he was handcuffed. 

“Whattz-” He muttered, groaning at the light. He heard a shifting and the tapping of feet on tile. “Hello?”

“Stop trying to sit up,” Tony's voice said, echoing in his head in a disturbing way, making him look around. “You’re gonna hurt yourself kid,” 

“Mr. ‘ark what's…’ he muttered, wincing when he felt his words grate like sandpaper on his sensitive throat. “Why… handcuffs?” He gritted out. 

“Here, drink this,” Tony said, shoving a straw into his mouth. Peter sippid obediently, silently waiting for Tony to explain. “I can't  _ believe _ you Peter. Do you have any idea what a close call you had today? You coded  _ three _ times while Bruce and I worked on you, and we know for a fact that if you didn’t have the healing factor you do you would be sleeping in a morgue right now,” Tony snapped. 

“Sorry-” He whispered, before being cut off by Tony. 

“No no  _ no _ okay? You're not sorry are you? You told me you wouldn’t stop patrol and for some reason  _ i didn’t believe you _ , and that was my screw up, but guess what kid, it’s not happening again,” Tony said, his voice rising. Peter sunk back into his bed, as if he could hide from the scolding.

“And you know what kid, I can’t even blame you. Because you, as per usual, had everyone's best intentions in mind, except for  _ your own _ . I wish I couldn’t believe you kid, but I can and that might be the worst part,” Tony said, continuing his rant. “You are gonna end up dead one day from acting like this kid, and that’s gonna be my fault, and I don’t want any more blood on my hands, so you don’t get to go out, you don’t get to leave, you don’t get to do  _ anything _ until I trust you again, got it?” Tony stopped scrubbing a hand over his face. “He’s keeping you company,” 

“Who- oh,” Peter said, straining up to see Wade standing in the corner, scowling at the bed. His mask had beed completely torn, leaving his newly restored face. Peter made a mentel note to mention it to him again when he wasn’t dying.

“I have phone calls to make,” Tony said, pausing and turning back around. “If you so much as move a pinky toe then I swear you’re not leaving this place ever again,” He said, pausing in the doorway. “I love you kid,” 

“Love you to Mr. St’k,” Peter muttered, keeping his eyes on Wade. He’d never seen the man look so angry. Tony slammed the door behind him, off to make phone calls. “Mr. Wilson? Are you okay?” 

Wade stood up, walking to the side of his bed, and Peter instinctively shrunk away a little. Wade reached in his pocket and for a brief moment Peter worried he was gonna shoot him, which was obviously the opposit of what he had been instructed to do, but it wouldn’t be the first time someone had shot him in a hospital. but instead he pulled out a wallet, handing him a photo. “Do you know who that is?” 

Peter studied the photo closely. The girl was pretty, close to his age. She had large dark eyes, framed with bright eye makeup that made her mahogany skin pop, and she was holding a wrapped package and laughing. The makeup made her bald head painfully obvious. That and the shirt that said  _ Cancer Is My Superpower _ and the hospital bed didn’t leave much left to guess. 

“No,” Peter rasped. “She’s pretty,” 

“Yeah, she was,” Wade said. “That’s my daughter. She got diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia,” Wade said. “CLL if you can’t pronounce it. I never could, she’s about your age here.”

“Oh,” Peter said eloquently. 

“You know now she’d be about the same age as Wanda I think, twenty three or there about.” Wade put the photo back in his wallet, turning his full attention to Peter. “She died two weeks before her sixteenth birthday, so I know a thing or two about watching teenagers waste away.” 

Peter shifted uncomfortably. He hated it when Wade got sincere, it unnerved him. “And you know what Peter, you may be strong enough to ‘kill’ me a thousand times over, but you know my super powers, and I sure as hell am not letting you get away with killing yourself, directly or otherwise, got it?” 

\--- 

“But there is still one part that confuses me,” Steve said, Bucky groaned into Steve's shoulder, having clearly exited his patients for the topic. “What happened with my actual father?” 

“What do you mean?” Bucky asked. 

“Well, like, I get what’s going on with Howard, but like, what about the man my mom always told me about?” Steve asked. “Did he know?” 

“Steve, I … can’t believe that I have to explain this to a grown man,” Bucky muttered, rubbing a hand over his face. “Alright, you dad died a year before you were born,” 

“Yeah. Your point?” Steve asked. 

“You’re joking right? This is a joke? You don’t… actually need me to explain… you know what? You can google it.” Bucky said. “Type ‘my father died a year before I was born’ and see what pops up,” 

“Why would the internet know what’s going on?” Steve asked, tilting his head. “Bucky? Bucky? Hey where are you going? Buck? I don’t understand,”

“Google!” Bucky yelled, slamming the door behind him. 

\---

MJ stretched, stiff from being forced to watch at least four episodes of Supernanny (Clint's favorite)and grabbed her phone off the side table. 

“What are you doing?” Clint asked, sitting up. She raised an eyebrow, turning on her home screen to almost a dozen news notifications. 

“Checking the news for information on Peter,” She said. Clint moved lightning fast, snatching her phone and throwing it across the room. 

“Hey! You’re gonna break it or something!” She yelled. 

“Oh no, maybe we need to go shopping for a new phone  _ right now _ sounds right, let’s go,” Clint said, putting his hands on her shoulders and turning her to the door. 

“Why? What's going on? What was the news talking about?” She asked, turning around to look at the indent her phone made in the wall. “Is Peter okay?” 

“Uh… no-o,” Clint said, sounding guilty. 

“You are a  _ super spy _ , how can you not lie to a teenager?” She asked, indignantly. Clint shrugged. 

“I’m not trying to convince you,” He said, tightening his arm on her shoulder. She squirmed, trying to escape his grip. 

“Then what are you trying to do?” She asked. 

“Restrain you,” Natasha pipped up from the sofa. MJ widened her eyes, trying to remove herself from Clint’s grip. “Don’t bother, he can bench like, four of you,” 

“MJ, let's sit back down,” Clint said, frazing it like she had a choice in the matter. She was placed on the edge of the sofa, keeping her back ridged. “Friday has been updating us on Peter for the last few hours,” 

“He’s back? He’s been back?” MJ asked, sitting up straighter. Clint furrowed his brow, making lines appear there. 

“Yes MJ, he got back over six hours ago,” Clint said. “He was right to bring you back before trying to help with the cult,” 

“What happened?” She asked. “I’m fine, I’m calm, just tell me,” She said. Clint looked at Natasha over her head. 

“Well the cult rioted. They hurt him pretty bad. Tony and Bruce have been working on him all day,” Clint said. “We- hey, we didn’t tell you because we knew that there was nothing you could do to help him and it would drive you crazy to just know that he was hurt down there,” He said. 

“We do the same thing when Bucky or Tony get hurt in battle,” Natasha said. “It’s good that we;re telling you MJ, it means that he is relatively okay, for now,” 

“Wh- can I go see him?” She asked, widening her eyes. They exchanged glances over her head. 

“I… guess that would be fine. Tony warned me that he will be followed closely by Wade, so if you’re willing to put up with that…” Clint said. 

“Please let me go,” She said. Sighing, Clint nodden his approval and released her arms, leaving her free to bolt to the elevator.

“Don’t kill him!” Natasha called as the elevator doors closed. MJ nodded reluctantly. That would be a bit counter productive, no matter how much she wanted to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope ya'll liked it! Please give me feedback, I thrive off it lol.


	29. He's hurt AGAIN?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone wrap the kid with bubble wrap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya'll like this!

“But we look so _different_ Bucky,” Steve said, following his boyfriend into the kitchen. “I mean, our _hair_ alone is- that must be evidence, right? There’s no way-” 

“Okay you know what,” Bucky said, turning around and pointing at Steve with his clean spoon. “If you want to talk about this go. To. Tony. He’s in the same boat as you buddy, because if I listen to you compare the wideness of your hair… I dunno, I might just stab you with my _yogurt cup_ ,” Bucky said, storming out. 

“You forgot your yogurt!” Steve yelled after him. He heard a crack that sounded vaguely like a metal fist breaking drywall. “Can you believe this Friday?” He asked. “Hey, what do you think about all of this?” 

“I think you need more friends, sir,” Friday said. “I of course am always happy to talk, however I would like to remind you that I was created similar to Tony Stark's stream of conscience with a filter,” 

“Where’s Nat?” He asked, scowling at the ceiling. 

“She is currently in an argument with Mr. Barton. They seem to be ready to engage in physical combat,” Friday said. 

“What… are they arguing about?” He asked. 

“It is hard to pick up based on the dialogue, but it seems that Clint is hiding a clown in the linen closet,” Friday informed. 

“Not important enough, please call Nat down here,” Steve said. 

“Contacting…” Friday said.

\--- 

“Sir I am sorry to contact you while you are sleeping, seeing as it is so rare, but there appears to be an emergency in the young sirs room.” Friday said, her voice urgent. Tony sat up immediately, shaking his head and pulling a tshirt on. 

“What’s going on?” He asked, already out the door. 

“It seems that Mr. Wilson is unconscious, and the young sir has lost roughly 37% of blood volume in his body. 

“ _What_? How did that-” He started. He entered Peter's room before he could finish, finding, as per Friday's predictions, Wade, who was unconscious with a nasy head wound and gagged, and Peter, lying in blood soaked sheets. “Call Bruce!” 

“Mr. Banner is already on his way,” Friday informed. “Sir, you need to find the source of the bleeding and apply firm pressure.”

“Well where’s he bleeding from?” Tony asked, hearing his voice rise with panic. 

“Abdominal wound, seemingly inflicted by a large knife or sword of some kind,” Friday said. “In Between the 14th and 16th ribs there should be a large slash wound,” 

“Found it,” Tony said, balling up some of the bedsheets and pressing them in until his hand was white. Peter gasped, shivering at the contact. “You’re dead once we save your life,” 

“ ‘M sorry sir they… needed… I didn’t know…” Peter muttered, “ I stopped them. Out… window,” 

“Peter, buddy, you’re not making any sense, what’s going on here?” Tony asked. “Peter, please, I need you to keep talking for me,” 

“Sir Bruce Banner is unable to assist at this moment, it appears he is no longer in the tower,” Friday said. “He has made the switch to the hulk for the next several hours and is in the specialised container,” 

“Well call someone with experience in these kinds of things and get them down here right now,” Tony gritted out, his hands starting to shake from the presser he was putting on Peter. “And why isn’t Wade awake yet?” 

“Wade was taken by surprise during this attack. His wounds will take up to an hour to heal enough for him to regain consciousness,” Friday said. “I have called Mr. Rogers, as he is the only one awake at this time.”

She didn’t really need to announce it, Steve came bursting through the door only a second later. “What do you need?” 

“Here, take over while I check his spine,” Tony said, grabbing a clean(ish) pillowcase off the floor and shoving it into his hands. 

“But what if I hurt-” 

“Steve, he will bleed out onto the floor unless you put as much pressure as you can on that slash wound, do you understand?” Tony asked.

“I don’t want to make it worse-” Steve said, eyeing the wound unsure. 

“The only way for you to really make it worse now is by doing nothing Steve, so get over whatever weird reserves you have about everything that’s happened and plug the gaping wound in the teenagers chest!” Tony snapped. That seemed to do the trick, because Steve followed Tony's advice, holding the bloodied fabric tight against the teen.

“The bleeding is slowing down, is that good?” Steve asked while Tony pressed his hands up and down the kids spin. 

“Yes. If we’re lucky there isn’t anything worse and his healing factor will kick in any second. Don’t let it close around the cloth,” Tony advised. Peter sifted as Steve repositioned the cloth. 

“ ‘M sorry Mr. ‘ark,” Peter whispered. Steve glanced at Tony, who had his jaw clenched and was focusing his stair at the blood saturating the boy's bed. Steve thought he saw his eyes shine with tears, but he blinked and they were gone. 

“Hey Peter, you coming back to us?” Tony asked, smoothing back the boy's hair. Peter nodded a little, whimpering at the movement. “Hold as still as you can, Steve, is the wound closing at all?” Tony asked. 

“I… I think so… it’s… yeah. I think it is…” Steve said. 

“See Pete, you’re fine. Nothing worse than a scrap,” Tony said, ruffling the kids hair. Peter giggled slightly at the grose understatement, leaning into Tony's touch. As they spoke Steve could see the wound healing, the flesh knitting back together. 

“I’m sorry Mr. ‘ark. I didn’t know he was gonna-” Peter whispered, clearer this time. Steve removed the pillow case entirely, letting the wound close on it’s own. 

“You can save your excuses for the morning, I’m not mad,” Tony said, eyeing the blood on the floor. “But we’re getting you a new mattress,” 

“You’re… not mad?” Peter whispered. Tony chuckled without any warmth. 

“Peter, I get mad when you’re stupid and get hurt. As far as I can tell all you did was lie in bed,” Tony said. Peter’s lip quirked up a little at that. “But we are talking about that healing factor, because it looks like it might rival deadpools.” 

“I’m like a mortel Wade,” Peter quipped, his head lulling. 

“Sure thing bud. Tell you what, I’m gonna make a big old golden retriever here take you to the guest room next door while I ask Wade what the hell happened, alright?” Tony said, making eye contact over Peter's head. Steve nodded. “Friday, is he stable to move?” 

“Peter does not appear to have any further injuries sir, but he will most likely be groggy for the next few hours while his body replaces the energy used to heal him,” Friday said. 

“Perfect,” 

\--- 

“Tony, what the hell is going on with that kid?” Steve asked, having returned from his delivery duties. Tony tossed him a clean shirt while he continued checking deadpool over. “I mean, that's three near death experiences in almost as many days.” 

“Hush, I’m concentrating,” Tony said, before yanking hard on Wades head, pulling out the dent. “His bone fuses faster when it’s aligned. What were you saying?” 

“We need to talk about what just happened,” Steve said. “I mean, if the kid can’t even sleep how the hell is he meant to do on the battlefield?” 

“Okay first of all, Peter’s amazing in battle, I’ve never seen him get hurt in anyway on the field that wouldn’t have hurt or probably killed the rest of us,” Tony said, “And second, the reason he gets hurt so much more is, unlike us, he is putting his life on the line every day with patrol. We do it once a month at most, and those are the tiny missions.”

“He’s a child Tony, you need to give him more rules or else he’ll end up dead,” Steve responded. Tony scoffed, crossing his arms. 

“I gave him rules. In fact right now he has more rules then he has in his life. You just don’t like the rules I put in place.” 

“No, what I don’t like is that you have a teenager out there risking his life every day,” Steve said. “I mean, he’s so _young_ Tony. He’s a freshman for crying out loud. In highschool!” 

“You think I don’t _know_ that?” Tony asked, taking a step closer. “I am painfully aware that we are letting a teenager out of the battlefield, that it’s a kid swinging around new york, but guess what buddy, when I ban him, suspend him from being a superhero, things get worse, so instead I give him the fancy suit and I let him befriend the… whatever Wade is, and I give him freedom, or else yeah, he will die,” Tony ended, turning on his heal and storming out before Steve could say anything. 

“Mr. Rogers, may I recommend locking the door to the young sirs room before Mr. Wilson wakes up?” Friday said, after giving Steve a beat. “It will make him worried.” 

“Oh go to hell,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Hope you enjoyed. I swear I'm gonna give Pete a break in this next chapter...  
> maybe.  
> Also, Deadpool angst coming soon, I just needed to bang out this chapter first.


	30. Whoop

MJ plopped on the chair in the guest room, they were still waiting for the rest of the blood to be removed from Peters carpet, and weaved her hands together, resting her chin on them. 

“MJ, this might be a weird question, but do you know anyone who would have the money and like… connections to hire a assassin at our school?” Peter asked. She lowered her phone. 

“You’re awake!” She said. Tony had said that he should be out for another four hours. 

“Yeah, I faked it so I didn’t freak out- Mr. Stark anymore then I already have,” Peter said. 

“Why are you asking that question?” She said, tilting her head. Peter looked down a little sheepishly. 

“Well… okay so I was asleep right?” Peter said. “And then I heard a noise, and so I sat up and was like ‘what’s that noise’ and then I saw someone in the doorway, and so I was like, ‘oh cool, if they were here to kill me they would have a knife’ so I asked them what they where doing and they said that they had a message from someone at my school,” 

“Wait, didn’t Wade wake up when he spoke?” MJ asked. 

“Well he would have, but I turned on my light and he’d already gotten hurt, so I  _ think _ the guy did that before, but maybe he didn’t, or something else happened. Anyway, I was like ‘what do you want’ and the guy was like  _ ksssthlp _ and then I passed out,” Peter said. 

“Well, let’s make a list,” MJ said, grabbing a pen and paper from her backpack and flipping to an empty page. “Flash is too preppy to try something like that,” 

“Monroe?” Peter asked. MJ shook her head. 

“No, he goes for a more digital approach,” she said. “Maybe Jackson and Willomes,” 

“They are more personal than that. Who hates me from a distance?” Peter asked. 

“Like, the entire school, I don’t know if you haven't noticed, but you’re not very popular,” She said. Peter laughed, rolling his eyes. 

“Thanks for the enlightenment,” He said, his voice dripping in sarcasm. “Rick seemed pretty upset the last few days of school, maybe him,” 

“That could have been anything,” She said. 

“Well, he’s also been sending me death threats so…” Peter said, holding up his phone. She snatched it, reading through almost twenty texts from the kid in question. 

“Why didn’t you tell anyone about this?” she asked. 

“It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time,” Peter said, shrugging. “Besides, it’s not like he was the only one,” 

“Oh yeah, sorry about that,” MJ said. “We went dating yet.” 

“It’s fine,” Peter said. They were interrupted by a thud from the other side of the room, scaring MJ. She snapped her dead to the noise, seeing nothing. 

“Peter… what was that?” She asked. 

“Oh yeah, Wade’s still ‘watching’ me, but he was freaking me out so I sorta…. Knocked him out…” Peter said, shrugging. “I mean, I actually ‘killed’ him but it doesn't really matter because he’ll be fine soon.” 

“Why was he freaking you out? I mean, aside from him just being himself,” MJ asked. 

“He was like… actually upset,” Peter said. “He wasn’t talking or anything and he just kept  _ glaring _ at me. I don’t like it when he’s adult-y,” He said, shrugging. “It’s wrong,” 

“So you tied him up in your closet?” She asked. 

“Webbed, but yeah,” Peter said. “Whatever, he’s used to me doing it,” 

“This isn’t the first time you’ve done this?” MJ asked, eyeing the, now quite closet. 

“Well, it’s the first time for this reason,” PEter said, playing with the blanket. “I needed at least one person in my life who hadn’t slept with my aunt, it was the easiest way.” 

“Deeply disturbing.” 

\---

“Alright, I’m done with this,” Natasha said, standing up. Steve followed her with his eyes, biting his lip.

“Done with what? I’m trying to tell you about what happened with Peter and-” 

“No. Nope. I… can’t. With this… no.” Natasha said, holding up a hand. “You aren't talking about Peter, you are complaining about Tony, and I can’t handle it anymore. I swear I can’t believe that Bucky’s put up with this for so long. You are gonna be a  _ big boy _ and initiate the conversation with Tony, got it?” 

“What! No! Please don’t! Wait-” He said, trying to lean away when she shoved him out the door. 

“Be a grown up! If Deadpool can, so can you!” She yelled through the door. 

“If you need I can show you the way to Sir’s workshop,” Friday said, sounding smug. He glared at the ceiling, but followed the blinking lights she provided anyway. 

It didn’t take him long to reach the lab/workshop, Tony didn’t care to seperate them, and he’d barely had a chance to figure out how to  _ open _ the conversation before the door was sliding open. He stepped in, hearing the door close and lock behind him. 

“Thank you for your cooperation Mr. America. You will not be released until you and Sir have had a productive conversation,” Friday said. 

“What- did Natasha put you up to this?” Steve asked. Friday didn’t respond, but that was as good as a yes from her. “Great.” 

“Speak for yourself, I can stay down here for months,” Tony said, not looking up from whatever he was tinkering with. “I’ve mastered the art or repression and avoidance,” 

“Do you have any food down here?” Steve asked, turning in a circle to check out the area he was trapped in. 

“I have alcohol, does that count?” Tony asked. “sugar free to, didn’t know you could even do that til, well… I did it. Which is how most of my life goes anyway, si it’s not that weird,” Tony babbled, pouring some kind of clear liquid into a water cup, filling it all the way to the top. 

“Wha- no! Tony we need to talk about this,” Steve said, sitting on the counter. Tony gave a long suffering sigh, before taking a large gulp and sitting down.

“Fine, whatever, you’re stinking up the room with your patriotice-y-ness,” Tony said, stretching. 

“You know what Tony, I’ve had it up to here with-” Steve was cut off mid sentence by a high pitched screech, making both of them startle and Steve clap his hands over his ears. 

“Please no fighting boys,” Friday said, making Steve gape indignantly at her. “I would like for sir to get any sleep this week,” 

“This  _ week _ ?” Steve asked indignantly. “Tony how much sleep have you gotten? Like… this  _ month _ ?” 

“Enough,” Tony said, shrugging. “Friday probably has trigger words for what she constitutes a current conversation, if we can guess enough of them I bet she’ll let us out,” 

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just actually talk about it?” Steve asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t know, I’ve never discussed an actual issue with someone willingly,” Tony said. 

“You would consider  _ this _ willingly? Your chaotic AI locked you in the room until you're talked about your feelings. How does it get less willing then that?” He asked, tilting his head. 

“Waterboarding,” 

\---

“So how do you break it to your parents that a mentily insane classmate decided to hire an assassin that left you bleeding out in your bed without worrying them?” Peter asked, tapping his pen against the bed frame.

“Well, I think my parents watch me sleep, actually I know they do, so I’m not sure,” MJ said. “But they would probably be less likely to kill the child if they thought it was just a joke,” 

“Okay, how do you lie to your parents?” Peter asked, tilting his head. MJ sighed, rubbing his head. 

“It’s like you were born without key survival instincts or something. How have you survived highschool up to this point?” She asked, doodling on his hand while she talked. 

“A lot of honesty,” Peter said, shrugging. “And avoidance,” 

She laughed, shaking her head. 

“You must be the least problematic teenager,” She said, adding an eyebrow to the doodle of Steve on his palm. 

“Un-problematic? Excuse me, what about the superheroing? And keeping secrets from, like, everyone? And the constant mortel parallel?” 

“Well that’s pretty standard for a teenager,” She said. “Hey, when do you think Deadpool will be waking up?” She asked. 

“Well, if his head heals in four hours normally, probably ten minutes,” Peter said. 

“I should go, I don’t trust him to not use those swords he has strapped on,” She said, standing up and stretching. “I’ll see you later,” 

“Okay,” Peter pouted. She kissed the top of his head, laughing. “I’m sure he wouldn’t actually kill you.” 

“If he didn’t my parents would,” She said. “I’m serious, Clint put it in writing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it :)


	31. Un-aliving classmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade is protective and Tony and Steve can't stay on topic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like!!

Peter yawned, rolling over when he heard deadpool starting to wake up. He wasn’t ready to confront actual emotions yet. Still, he winced when he heard what sounded like the door to his closet breaking. 

“Peter, guess the fuck what bitch,” Wade yelled. Peter sat up. That sounded much more like the Wade he’d known. “You’re healed now, right? Like completely healed, not that annoying surfaced healing?” Wade asked, tossing the rope Peter had put around the handle of his door knob at him. 

“I mean… yeah,” Peter said, nodding. “Like, I don’t think I can swing around yet, but I’m mostly healed.” He said. “Why?” 

“Get dressed, we’re going,” Wade said. “And I swear if you end up getting even close to bleeding out I’m killing everyone else in the tower,” Wade said. “And I’m making you watch,” 

“Okay okay, getting up,” Peter said, rolling over. He instinctively pressed a hand on what would be his wound, sighing in relief to see that it was not painful in the slightest. That’s what a healing factor will do for yah. 

“And  _ hurry _ ,” Wade said, slamming his bedroom door behind him. Peter shook his head, standing up. Outside he could still hear the older man babbling to himself, probably about the ‘boxes’ again. 

He’d known Wade for a couple months before inviting (which he means in the loosest sense of the word) him to live in the basement. They’d met a couple times on patrol, usually involving Peter preventing the death of some random criminal. 

He’d told Wade that he wanted to keep his identity a secret from him, which he’d surprisingly respected, probably because he hadn’t wanted to reveal his face either, but after his mask got torn strait down the middle in a fight with the giant lizard man, Wade had taken one look at his face and declared himself Peters big brother. He said it was like a parent with less responsibility. 

“Parker, I swear if you aren't dressed I am burning all of your textbooks,” Wade yelled through the doors. Peter jolted, pulling on a tee shirt he’d found under his bed and hopped into a pair of jeans. Wade never joked about the destruction of personal property. 

“Okay, I’m here,” Peter said, standing in front of Deadpool, feeling flustered. He didn’t know where half of his things were, including his cellphone, and he was pretty sure that both of his shoes were wrong. Which would be remarkable because they both matched. 

“Great, let’s go,” Wade said, turning to the stairs and starting down them. Peter jumped up, following him close behind. 

“Mr. Wade, sir, are you planning on telling me where you are taking me?” Peter asked, trying to keep up with the fast pace Wade set. “And why.” 

“We’ve got important work to do Peter, things to contribute to society. Also, call me Mr. Wade again and I am breaking your little spider butt,” Wade threatened. 

“Sure thing Mr. Wade.” 

\--- 

“Hey Nat have you seen-” 

“I’m still not talking to you,” Natasha said, brushing past Clint to the coffee pot. Clint sighed, hopping up on the counter. 

“Natasha! Please?” He asked, taking the keurig once she was done and drinking directly out of it. 

“You know what you did Barton,” She said, turning away. Clint pouted, following her. “And if I turn around and you are making that sad puppy face I am cutting it off,” 

“But you’ll want to see this!” Clint said. Natasha didn’t move from her perch on the arm of the sofa. “Steve’s talking about his feeling…” 

“Hm?” Natasha asked, setting down the cup. Clint laughed. 

“I knew that’d interest you,” He said, showing her the image on the tablet from the kitchen. “Now do you forgive me or are you gonna miss out on this?” 

“Okay okay I forgive you!” Natasha said, jumping off the sofa and jogging into the kitchen. He laughed, putting the tablet flat on the counter to make it display as a hologram. 

The image glitched for a second, before showing Tony and Steve in full focus, clearly upset with each other over something. “Tony, will you please just pay attention for  _ once _ in your life?” Steve asked. 

“I’m  _ paying _ attention, I just also happen to be playing around with Polonium at the same time,” Tony said, pouring some clear chemicals into a container. 

“I thought we got rid of Polio already,” Steve said, looking confused. Nat snorted next to him. 

“I mean… you’re not wrong,” Tony said. “That’s not what this is, this is way more deadly. And polio is still around,” 

“I thought we had a vaxxine for that,” Steve said. 

“There is no way I am the one that’s gonna break that to you,” Tony bantered back. “I wonder if a shot of this would kill me…” 

“Who left them alone with adult supervision?” Nat asked, leaning on his arm, the previous clown argument seemingly forgotten. 

“They are the adult supervision,” Clint said. “Why do you think we adopted MJ before he could?”

“Because he told us to because they were already dating. Tony will cross a lot of lines, but thankfully not that one… yet,” Nat said, Clint laughed at that, both of them turning their attention back to the screen. 

“We need to talk about this Tony, we are the adults here,” Steve said. Natasha snorted at that, rolling her eyes. 

“What’s there to talk about?” Tony asked, taking out a squeezy thing and sucking up some of the poison in it. “My dad slept around and then you happened, we can move on. Or ignore it. I’m personally electing to ignore it, but moving on is just as valid,” 

“Well I don’t know what to talk about, but… I donno, it’s  _ weird _ . I’ve known you all this time and I had no idea we were related,” Steve lemented. 

“Have they heard each other talk?” Natasha said, rolling her eyes. 

“I would have been nicer to you if I’d known,” Steve said sincerely. 

“I wonder if his eyes can roll farther up in his head,” Clint said, laughing. Natasha smiled, shaking her head at Tony's face. 

“I wouldn’t put it past him,” She quipped.

“Oh please for the love of god do not go getting weepy on me Cap,” Tony said, taking a step back. You know,just in case those emotions could infect him or something. “It’s over, whatever, we don’t need to talk about it,” 

“Yes we do! Tony why do you not get what a big deal this is?” Steve asked, rubbing his forehead. “I mean, we’re brothers! I tried to kill you.  _ Last year _ !” Steve said, raising his voice.

“I would have tried to kill me too, no hard feelings,” Tony said, ducking past Steve to go stand on the other side of the lab. “I mean, don’t do it again. Or if you do at least make it quick, I don’t have time for long drawn out last words,” 

“Is everything a joke to you?”Steve asked, shaking his head in annoyance. “Are you capable of having an adult conversation? Or should I just give up?” 

“Yes Steve, I became one of, if not the, most successful businessmen in the entire history of the world by being unable to hold a adult conversation. Thank you so much for solving that for me,” Tony said. 

“That looks like it’s going well,” Natasha laughed. 

\---

“Mr. Wade, what are we going here?” Peter asked, shifting his seat on the rooftop. 

“Wait here, I’ll be back,” Wade said, jumping down. Peter winced when he heard the crack of what sounded (and looked) like Wade breaking his leg.

Peter leaned back, kicking his feet in the air and staring upwards. Even with his side completely healed he fell off, a side effect of using his healing factor so much in the last couple days. His head felt vaguely like it was stuffed full of cotton, and when he turned his head to fast all the colors blurred together. 

He actually turned it into a game, swinging his head around in shapes of spelling out his own name, and then MJ’s over and over. For some reason, his spidey senses didn’t warn him about Wade sneaking up behind him and tapping him on his shoulder, leading to him almost falling off the building. 

“Geez, what were you doing, seizing?” Wade asked, dropping a bag into Peter's hands. 

“...what’s this?” Peter asked, looking at the greasy bag. 

“Street tacos!” Wade said, taking a bite out of his own food. Peter shrugged and grabbed one out of the bag, taking a bite. He was basically always hungry, and the extra healing only increased his appetite. 

“Thanks,” He muttered around a mouth full of food. They ate in silence for a minute before Wade cleared his throat. 

“So I killed a guy before I ‘woke up’ today,” Wade said. Peter stared at him in shock. “Oh don’t give me that bambi look Peter. Anyway, you know a kid named Rick Miller?” 

Peter choked on his taco a little bit, looking up. “Um… I mean… What do you mena know? Like… have I ever seen him before? DO I know of him? I mean my entire school knows  _ of _ him, he’s like… kinda famous. But uh… no. I don’t… like… know know him.”

“Oh good, so it won’t be a problem when I un-alive him then,”

“NO no nonono you can’t do that sir,” Peter said, panicking. “Please! I mean, he’s just a kid! He didn’t know that it was a real assassin!” 

“Maybe we can work something less… permanent out…”

\---

“Ma’am, does a Rick Miller live here? I need to have a discussion with him about his… unpatriotic behavior to his classmates.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just covered my ancient laptop with Marvel stickers and I am so happy about it.


	32. Enjoy the FEEEEEELs!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is called the auther drank caffene after diner and hasn't slept all night. Please enjoy!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no joke, I havn't slept in 37 hours. Send help... or coffee.

“Steve, what do you mean  _ you _ get to leave?” Tony said, glaring as Steve suited up. “She’s  _ my _ AI!” 

“I am under orders by Wade Wilson to allow Mr. Rogers out, only to speak with one person and then he will be returned,” Friday said. Tony rolled his eyes, waving his hand. 

“Fine, whatever, just make sure he doesn't enjoy himself,” Tony said with a sigh. 

“Har har,” Steve said dully, picking up his shield. “I’ll be back soon, don’t take any shots of anything that isn’t alcohol, got it?” Steve said. “I… can not believe that those words left my mouth,” 

“Yeah yeah, whatever, see you later… unfortunately,” Tony said, turning his back. Steve sighed, letting himself out. 

\---

“Alright,” Wade said, tossing his wrapper off the roof. Peter would have made a noise of protest, but he saw it land in the garbage can. “We need to talk,” 

“We’ve been talking this whole time! What else would we need to talk about?” Peter asked, shifting uncomfortably. “I’m… I think I’m pretty tired, maybe we should head back…” 

“Peter, I just seduced an AI on the phone to insure that your classmate would be A. Incredibly uncomfortable and B. Alive tomorrow, so you’re gonna listen,” Wade said. Peter shifted some more. Wade was using his  _ adult _ voice. 

“He he,” Peter said, massively uncomfortable. 

“So remember what I told you about my daughter,” Wade said. Peter nodded. 

“Elenore,” Peter said. 

“Yeah. I called her Ellie,” Wade informed. “Ellie was sick, but that didn’t mean she layed around in bed all the time. That would have been too easy,” Wade said. “No, her favorite thing was sneaking out to parties and with boys and such. Makes sense, she was half me. And I get it. She was so angry. Angry at the world for being the way it was, angry at me for being part of the genes that gave the cancer to her, angry at the cancer,” 

“Okay…” Peter said. 

“Anyway, one night she didn’t come back. Me, being the idiot I was back then, let her go out on her own. I don’t think I even asked her where she was going. If I did she either didn’t tell me or I just didn’t listen. I don’t even want to know what I was high on then. But the point is she didn’t come back,” 

“So what did you do?” Peter asked. 

“I did what I would do now. I suited up and went looking for her,” Wade played with a frayed thread on his glove. “The genius had gotten plastered and tripped and fell. She got a nose bleed that didn’t stop and ended up in the hospital. Four different guys came in, claiming to be her boyfriend,” 

“Wow,” Peter said. 

“Yeah. Never believe that shit you see about cancer kids being the best people ever on the news. They are still kids.” Wade said, laughing, although it sounded tight. “You know, she never left that hospital. A nose bleed turned her anemic, which meant she was getting iron through a G-tube, which got infected. It was the perfect storm of medical mumbo-jumbo,”

“I’m sorry…” Peter whispered. Wade shrugged. 

“She’s a hell of a lot happier up in heaven,” Wade said. 

“You believe in heaven too?” Peter asked. He wasn’t gonna talk again, but he was so taken aback. 

“Yeah. Me and the big guy aren't on speaking terms right now, but I like to think Ellie is up there,” Wade said, shrugging. “But the point to all of… that. I need  _ really need _ you to understand that I  _ will _ kill everyone you love if that’s what it takes to keep you safe. You got it?” Wade asked. Peter nodded, looking down at the trash he’d neatly folded. “Oh… good.” 

They sat in silence for a beat, before Peter took out his phone. “You know Mr. Wade, I already knew what you said. About cancer patients not always being angels…” Peter said, biting his lip while waiting for a response. 

“Why? You have a crappy childhood best friend?” Wade asked.

“Not… exactly,” Peter said. “I… never mind,” Peter said. “Just… some say… look up my name. Before my identity gets out, look up Peter Parker. 2012.” 

“Why? What did you do?” Wade asked. Peter shook his head, standing up. 

“Sorry,” He said. “There’s a robbery down the block,” 

“Wait- Peter!” Wade yelled. Peter had already pulled on the suit he’d balled into his pocket and jumped down, attaching a web to a building. 

“Bye Mr. Wade! I’ll be back soon!” Peter yelled, before disappearing into the New York skyline. 

\---

“Son, what you did was very serious, you might be looking at some real jail time,” Steve said, sitting on the very edge of the least disgusting chair in Rick's bedroom. “That’s not something you want to mess around with,” 

“Wha- but like, Penis wouldn’t press charges… would he?” Rick asked, quite literally shaking in his hot topic boots. 

“What did you just call him?” Steve asked, standing up. Rick shrunk back further, leaning against his creaky headboard. 

“Er,  _ Peter _ … he’s not pressing charges?” Rick asked in a meek voice. 

“Well that might not be up to him,” Steve said. The teen rolled his eyes. “Okay, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, it’s a miracle that I am the only one here right now. That little stunt you pulled, completely unacceptable. There are a lot of very strong, very angry, and one very wealthy man who you just majorly ticked off, so I would drop the attitude mister,” Steve said, leaning forward. The kid popped his gum at him, completely ignoring his warning. 

“Fine, go ahead Buck,” Steve said with a sigh. Bucky jumped through the (second) story window, landing only a few feet away from Steve. He didn’t say anything, only rolled his shoulders and stared at the kid. Apparently children responded to the Winter Soldiers uniform more than Captain Americas. For some reason. 

“You’re… involving other people now?” The kid asked. “Is this even allowed? Shouldn’t I get a lawyer or something?” 

“Okay, you know what’s not allowed? Hiring a assasion to murder a classmate, even if it was a joke. I bet you that we’ll win in a court of law,” Steve said, lowering his voice. They sat in silence for a few seconds before Bucky cleared his throat. 

“I’m leaving you with a firm warning this time,” Steve said, pointing a gloved finger at the kid. “If I so much as hear my nephew whisper your name aside from mentioning the hand written apology he will be getting you won’t live long enough to regret it,” Steve said. Bucky nodded and they stormed out of the house side by side, not slowing down until they were several blocks away. 

“Are you awake at all?” Steve asked, turning to Bucky. Bucky blinked at him for a second before shaking his head no. “Sounds about right. You want coffee or a nap?” 

“Mm, coffee!” Bucky said, after thinking way too long about it. 

“Sounds good. As soon as I go back to that tower I’m dealing with emotions again. I’m not ready for emotions yet,”

\---

“Peter Parker… 2012…” Wade said as he tapped on his phone. He was done trying to contain Peter, he would be soon moving on to manipulation. “I hope it’s not a- oops! Sorry! PG-13 comic!” Wade muttered to himself. “Plus he’d be  _ waaaaay _ too young. I hope. I mean it didn’t stop Tony but then again-” 

He cut himself off when he saw the headlines pull up. He scrolled through a couple, furrowing his brow, just to make sure they were real. Yep, these weren't faked as far as he could tell. The titles blurred together on the screen before he clicked on the video. 

_ “Peter Parker, a eight year old boy on the losing side of a battle with Lymphoma cancer of the lungs loses his parents in a devastating plane crash. He has stolen all of out hearts with this heart breaking video-”  _

Wade turned his phone off. He didn’t want to see that video. Didn’t  _ need _ to see it to understand what it would be. He re-opened his phone to scroll through the comments, just in case he missed something. 

**Get that camera out of his face! His parents just died!**

**Lolz another one bights the dust; a sequel**

**That uncle is just using him! Why isn’t his aunt saying anything?**

**Leave him alone! If he hid in a closet he dosn’t. Want. to. Talk.**

**Boobzboobzboobzboobz**

“Fuck,” Wade breathed out slowly, dropping his head down. The video kept playing somehow, even after he turned his phone back off. Unable to listen to the little boy cry and beg to be able to breath, he launched his phone across the skyline, not feeling the tiniest twinge of regret when he heard it shatter down somewhere below. 

“Why wouldn’t he have told us?” Wade asked. “I mean, I get not  _ us _ , but someone? Maybe? I wouldn’t have. Doesn't that mean he should?” He lifted his head up, suddenly realising the solution. “I need to tell them,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Peter is in major trouble rn. Let me know what you thought, hearing from you all is the best part of my day, and i will respond to every comment because I have no self control and I love you all. I'm really sleep deprived rn I don't even know what I am typing. LOOVE YOUUUUU


	33. The auther feels no remorse and further more would do it all again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FEEEELZZZAAAHHH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the hell is my life?

“Alright  _ bitches _ !” Wade yelled at the top of his lungs. “Friday honey, would you mind asking everyone to get their asses in here right now please?” 

“Of course  _ my dope ass fresh prince _ , anything else?” Friday asked. 

“If you and Kay-Kay are one speaking terms, make sure spidey knows he’s in big trouble,” He said. 

“I will be the first one to break the pact of silence for you, Wade,” Friday said. “Everyone else is on their way. Is there something specific you are planning on showing them?” 

“Yeah, can you pull up whatever was last on my phone? You know, before I hurled it into NYC traffic?” Wade asked. The videos popped up. “Thanks hun,”

“Of course,” Friday said. She beeped off just as the team started filing in the room. 

“Wade, what’s going on? Where’s Peter?” Tony asked, setting down a very deadly looking … something. Wade wasn’t sure. But if anyone could come up with something that could kill him it would be a Stark.

“Peter’s fine. Now. He’s patrolling,” Wade said. “And yes, I did try and stop him. Turns out he’s stronger then he looks,” 

“Then why are we all here?” Clint asked. “Is someone else hurt?” 

“Who else would be hurt, genius?” Natasha asked. Clint pulled a face. 

“Just because  _ you _ can’t make connections-” 

“Okay, petting forty diffrent dogs on a mission isn’t making connections, it’s pathetic-” 

“What’s that?” Bruce asked, pointing to the TV. 

“Oh, just the major very important highly valuable thing I was trying to show you,” Wade said. He didn’t have to turn around to hear MJ scooting to the door, but he did anyway. “And yes, I do know you were involved,” 

“ _ How _ ?” MJ asked.

“Well you just confirmed it.”

“What’s going on?” Tony snapped, loud enough to get even Wade to shut up for a moment. 

“Right, sorry. Let me fill you in. This,” He said, pointing at the screen. “Is Peter.”

“That… no. No way is that Peter, I ran a check on every Peter Parker in … everything,” Tony said. 

“Yep,” Wade said, popping the P. “But you must have forgotten about misspellings. See this isn’t Peter Parker, it’s Peter Parkar. It’s understandable that you didn’t catch it. They just fixed it a bit ago, although I’m not sure why,” Wade babbled. “Anyway, friday, hun, roll the tape will you?” 

The lights dimmed and the team gathered around the screen, watching again as the boy, although bald and pale and tiny, clearly the one they had come to know, cried on screen, trying to run away from the camera.

“Who the hell is filming him?” Clint gritted out. Tony stood frozen, not daring to move as they watched Peter try and make his escape to the supply closet. 

“ _ Come on Pete, just a few more minutes. Some day you’ll look back on this footage and laugh _ ,” The ugly voice cracked through the speakers. 

“That would be Ben Parker, or the highly esteemed ‘uncle Ben’ that Peter talks about,” Wade said. “Really, I never got the creepy exploiter vibe from him. Just goes to show, huh?” Wade said, leaning on the wall to watch their horrified faces. Both from the video and his comments. It didn’t bother him. As long as he was joking they’d stay angry, and as long as they were angry about him he didn’t have time to think about how similar Peter and Ellie looked right in that frame there or-

“It’s murder time,” Natasha said, cocking a gun and nodding to Clint, who grabbed a bow from under the counter. 

“Wait-  _ Who are you killing _ ?” Bruce yelled. “Ben’s dead!”

“We like to do the public favors every once in a while by taking out awful murders and such instead of turning them into the police,” Natasha said, tightening a strap on her backpack. 

“It’s like yoga, but with blood,” Clint added, jumping out the window-presumably onto something-with Nat handing on. 

“Terrifying. Anyone else needs someone to stab, because I always volunteer to be a human pin cushion. Preferably one with a butt and a tattoo that says  _ sugar baby _ , but I’m flexible- right, PG-13, so limiting,” Wade said, before Steve socked him in the mouth. 

“Sorry,” Steve said, shaking out his hand. “I needed to punch something,” 

“What, you already break the gym bags?” Wade asked, spitting a rogue tooth onto the floor. Those were one of the fastest to regrow, so he wasn’t actually annoyed. 

“Where’s Peter?” Tony asked, picking up the weapon he’d carried in with him. 

“Well he was on patrol, now he’s watching you from the ceiling like a kicked puppy. Or deer… should we call him Bambi? I’m changing his contact name in my phone to Bambi,” Wade said. 

“Peter?” Tony asked, looking up. “ _ Peter! _ ” 

Before Tony could say whatever thing he was about to, helpful or otherwise, Peter had already spirited away, still on the ceiling, of course, and slammed his bedroom door behind him. Tony paused. 

“Tony?” Sam asked, taking a step forward. Normally Bruce would be doing it, but he was looking a little green at the moment. “Are  _ you _ alright?” 

“I am giving that kid five minutes to himself, and then I am going in there,” Tony muttered. “I’m giving that kid every kind of scan there is. CAT, MRI, x-ray, CT, ultrasound, you name it,” Tony mumbled, rubbing his face. “He better not have a trace of a white blood cell imbalance or I'll… I don’t know what I’d do, but it’ll be bad.”

“Wade isn’t cutting it, I’m gonna go pulverize a wall,” Steve yelled angrily over his shoulder as he stormed out. Bucky heaved a heavy sigh before following his friend, albeit a bit begrudgingly.

“Tony,” Sam said. Tony didn’t say anything, brushing past him and storming into the teens room. Sam almost tried to stop him, but he pretty quickly figured out that he couldn’t.

Tony skipped the knocking step completely, not caring what Peter was doing, and whipped the door open and closed behind him. It took him a sec to realise where Peter was, because he wasn’t down at eye level, instead sitting in a ball on the far corner of the ceiling.

“Peter?” Tony asked, sitting on the corner of Peter's bed. Peter had been sitting on the wall, his knees to his chest and his arms dangling limply at his side and his head resting on the ceiling. “Can you come down so we can talk kid?”

“Okay,” Peter said, barley above a whisper. Slowly, he slid down the wall to walk over to the bed, sitting a modest distance away from Tony.

Tony turned, putting a hand on each of Peters shoulders and looking him up and down, albeit with a bit of anxiety. Peter didn’t look sick, thank goodness, but he sure as hell didn’t look  _ fine _ either. He kept wringing his hands in his lap, twisting them too hard for Tonys liking, and his shoulders shook with the effort to keep his eyes dry.

“ ‘m sorry Mr. Stark,” Peter whispered, looking down to pick at his navy bed cover. They’d finally finished his room that day, making all the colors a little darker this time, just in case this happened again. 

Tony looked at Peter for a second before pulling him against his body swiftly, making his shoulder ache from the quick contact. Peter tensed for several seconds, before burying his head in Tony's shoulders and relaxing into the hug. “I’m sorry I never told you,” 

“You’re just fine Peter,” Tony said, surprised to find it was true. Sure, before he’d been on the verge of joining Steve in wall pulverizing, but now the only thing on his mind was the child currently shaking in his arms. 

“I didn’t want you guys to know about Ben,” Peter whispered. “Thought you’d think i was weak,” 

“Are you kidding kid? You grew up in a hell hole, with cancer, two dead parents, your uncle left you after getting shot and then your aunt killed herself! You are the strongest kid I know!” Tony said, raising his voice slightly to communicate the point. “You are the strongest anyone I know. Plus you beat Thor at arm wrestling,” 

“I still think he let me win,” Peter said, sniffing. Tony chuckled. He wouldn’t push the point now, but Thor didn’t let people win.

“Peter, the only reason anyone in that room is mad is because they hate that your life was like they. They aren't mad  _ at _ you, they are mad  _ for  _ you. I think Clint and Nat are killing everything that breathes, and Steve’s beating up his wall.” Tony said. “Bruce has been doing the same breathing exercise for twenty minutes and he still looks green, Thor is having a asgardian statue build in your honor, and Loki is visiting people in the underworld with knifes,” 

“Is he gonna hurt them?” Peter asked, sounding concerned. Tony just shook his head. 

“Buddy, they care about you so much, even  _ Sam _ condoned a very long, complicated plot that involved bringing Ben back from the dead and hurting him. And he’s the voice of reason,” Tony muttered, rubbing Peters back. “No one is mad  _ at _ you.” 

“I think Mr. Wade might be,” Peter muttered, looking down. 

“Wade is using humor to cope, it’s what he always does. And I think he just befriended MJ,” Tony said. “That reminds me, I am running about a thousand tests to make sure you’re actually fine and this isn’t a Wade situation, got it?” 

“Okay…” Peter said, burying his face in Tony's shoulder for a while. “Mr. Stark… can I ask you something? I- er, it’s okay if you say no but-” 

“What is it Pete?” Tony asked. Peter pulled away from the hug, whipping his tear stained face and looking at him with ernest puppy dog eyes. 

“Were you the one that fixed Mr. Wade's face?” Peter asked, tilting his head.

“Yes. But you tell him and you are grounded forever, got it?” Tony said, pointing a finger. Peter giggled, nodding. “Good, now I need to go make sure people aren't causing anarchy, you good or you wanna come?” 

“I’m gonna hide in here until this blows over,” Peter said, looking down. “Thank you Mr. Stark,”

“Come on, all of that and I’m still not past the last name?” Tony asked. “What’s a guy gotta do?” 

“I could call you Mr. Dad if that would be better,” Peter said, his shit eating grin back. 

“Nope. Starks fine. Just fine,” Tony said. “I’m going now.” 

“Sure thing Mr. Dad!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaay. Two updates in one day. I'm emotionally stable.   
> also, remember liking Ben? Yeah? Nope.


	34. Who the hell goes to Iowa??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda short but I wanted to introduce the start of this new plot point.

Natasha was sitting across from Clint at the fast food joint they had stopped in on their way back from… things… when she noticed something was wrong with her partner. Not the fuming rage that had followed the both of them after watching Peter, but something different, unsettled maybe. 

“Clint, what are you looking at?” Natasha asked. Clint jumped almost completely out of his seat, shaking his head. 

“Nothing just… someone sent me a video…” Clint said, turning his phone off. “It’s no big deal,” 

“You’re upset,” she stated. Clint was definitely sad, not just angry as he had been about Peter. Maybe he was just processing, but she had a nagging feeling it was something else entirely. She took her feet off of where they were resting on his lap and leaned forward, across the vaguely sticky table. “Clint, it’s been way to long a night for me to go about this the easy way, tell me what’s wrong or I’m taking out my needles,” 

“I… might have to go to Iowa real fast,” Clint said, shaking his head. Natasha almost spit out her drink. 

“ _ Why _ ? It’s a pandemic. All of our missions are on hold,” Natasha said. “Besides, what could possibly be happening in  _ Iowa _ right now… or ever.”

“That’s… fair. Listen it’s a really long story,” Clint said. She just raised an eyebrow. “A dog needs my help,” 

“A… dog? A dog needs your help?” she asked. Her husband nodded. “In Iowa. There is a specific dog… in Iowa… that needs your help?” 

“Yes!” Clint said. She looked at him for a long time, shaking her head. 

“Do I dare ask why?” She asked. 

“Hm, a very long rambely story that you really don’t care about. Anyway, I’m just gonna go get in the car… I can drop you off back at the tower and-” 

“That’s cute,” She said. “I’m so going with you.”

“I- what about MJ? Who’ll watch her?” Clint asked. 

“Maybe the tower full of super heroes,” Natasha replied. Clint shifted nervously. “Okay  _ what _ ?”

“You know… maybe we should just go back,” Clint said. “I mean, who cares about dogs… right?” He said, scuffing his foot. He must have been really out of it, because normally Natasha would have had to do way more digging to see through a lie. It was his fault for telling something so obviously fake. 

“Clint, one time you cried for two hours about a dog who sprained his tail from wagging,” Natasha said, raising an eyebrow. “Get in the car, we’re going,”

“Do you know what you are getting into?” he said. “It’s a 16 and a half hour drive. Plus, it’s like, -12 degrees there,” Clint said. 

“Please?” She asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet. He narrowed his eyes, thinking for a second, before sighing. 

“Fine, but you can’t ask any questions, got it?” Clint said. She pumped her fist, laughing. 

“Sure, I can do that,” 

\---

“And then I said  _ Mr. Dad _ !” Peter said, pulling his blanket over his head. Ned snorted over the zoom call he’d set up. “Dude! So not funny!” 

“For crying out loud, Peter, you just called  _ Antony Edward Stark _ your father, pardon me for being unsympathetic,” Ned said.

“Mr. Dad. Ned. Did you hear anything I said?” Peter asked, glaring. Ned snorted again, sitting back. “Are you going for an awful angel? Like, seriously, I can see all the way up your nostrils!” 

“It’s a choice,” Ned said, laughing. Peter rolled his eyes. 

“Sure, you keep on telling yourself that bud,” Peter said,shaking his head.

“Peter, you have no idea how cool your life sounds like right now. The biggest thing that has happened at my house is my little sister has a loose tooth,” Ned said. “And my parents found my weed.” 

“I told you to stop smoking that!” Peter said. “Of course they found it, you hid it in your shampoo!”

\---

Natasha could not do that. “Whoa, is that a water tower?” She asked, pressing her face against the window. Clint chuckled at her excitement, intertwining their hands. She had a sneaking suspicion it was to keep her from leaning too far out the window. She didn’t care though, shifting so she could look further out. “It’s so different!”

“You think so?” Clint asked, looking around. It all looked pretty normal to him. He’d gotten used to the flat terrain and crazy clouds. 

“ _ Oh my gosh is that a cow?” _ Natasha said, bouncing in her seat a little. Clint chuckled. “Oh my goodness there’s more than one! Clint! Do you see it! Clint?” 

“Wow, you are  _ really _ excited aren't you?” Clint said. Natasha nodded enthusiastically, grinning out the window. “Careful, you’re gonna fall out.” 

“Are we even looking at the same thing?” Natasha asked, gesturing to the corn fields, which had only just started to regrow after months of snow, and empty hay fields. 

“I see outside,” Clint said, shrugging. “Haven't we had missions in the country before?” 

“Well  _ kinda _ , but people are always listening,” Natasha said. “Your truck is so old and cursed the only one who would know how to bug it is you,” 

“I’m not saying you’re wrong,” Clint said. “So wait, you’ve been this excited about freakin  _ cows _ and you never said anything? Nat?” 

“Well whenever it would have been relevant I was having to act like the black widow,” Natasha said, bouncing in her seat. “Oh my goodness, is that a hay bail?” 

\---

“So are you gonna tell them the truth about Ben yet, or you wanna wait for that to be it’s whole own shitshow?” MJ asked, taking a bite of celery. 

“I still don’t know how you can eat that,” Peter said. “I donno, on the one hand I don’t wanna get in trouble,” He said. “On the other hand I don’t want to tell him.” 

“Won’t all of this get infinitely worse the longer you wait?” MJ asked. “I mean, like, you saw how Tony reacted to the whole ‘you had cancer’ thing,” 

“Well how am I going to bring it up? ‘Hey, remember that uncle I loved and spent all my time with? Yeah he once tried to cook me alive’. It will just be awkward.” 

“That’s the best way  _ to _ tell them. Let them be endeared by your stammering,” She said, rolling her eyes. Peter made a noise of offence, glaring at her. 

“I don’t stammer!” He said, swatting at her hand. MJ gave him the most disbelieving look he’d seen in a long time, shaking her head. 

“That’s cute,” She said. “But dude, you  _ need _ to tell them. It’s only gonna get worse if you don’t.” 

“Well  _ Yeah _ , and I will but…” 

“You’re gonna put it off?” MJ asked. Peter nodded. 

“Yes! You get it!” Peter said. 

“I’ll give you a week, but if you still haven't told them I’m showing Tony a video of career day last year,” MJ said. Peter's smile dropped. 

“If you show them that I’m telling them about Curtis,” Peter said. “You  _ really _ want Clint and Nat knowing about him?” 

“Fair enough,” She said, kicking her leg high in the air to pop it. “Still a price I’ll pay. You have a week,” 

\---

“Clint,” Natasha said, snapping her fingers. “I figured it out!” 

“Figured what out?” Clint asked, refilling the gas tank. 

“You grew up here, correct?” Natasha said. 

“What- no! Why would you think…” Clint started. 

“It said so in your file genies, this is why you like to perch up high, isn’t it? Because it’s so flat here,” Natasha said, spinning in a circle to display the completely flat turran around them. 

“No idea what you are talking about,” He said. “And I don’t perch!” 

“Do you remember how long I had to talk you out of getting a king sized loft bed?” Natasha said. 

“Whatever,” Clint said, pulling the gas pump out of the car. Natasha tilted her head, following him back into the car. 

“Will you tell me what's going on? I’ve never seen you so… dull before,” She said. “It’s disconcerting.” 

“I’m just tired, we still have a long drive ahead of us,” Clint lied. Natasha didn’t buy it for a second, but did stay quite, silently taking inventory. This would have to be addressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Also, comment your pet's name/fav pet names. For absolutely no reason what so ever.


	35. Peeling back those layors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHOOOOPDEDODABOOOY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!!

“Ned, I  _ can't let _ them find out about Ben,” Peter said, holding the phone close to his ear. “They’re gonna get the wrong idea about him! I mean, he wasn’t a bad guy he just…” 

“Beat you for having cancer?” Ned asked. Peter sighed, his friends had always hated his uncle as well. “Peter, I hate to break it to you, but if they’ve seen that viral video they have barely scratched the surface of all the shit that man did to your brain. And this doesn't come from a random teacher at school either, these guys' jobs are to get information,'' Ned said. 

“Yeah yeah, I know,” Peter muttered, running a hand through his hair. “It’s just… he wasn’t all that bad Ned. really, I know it looked bad from the outside, but he never hurt me without a good reason so…” He said, shrugging. 

“What could possibly have been a good enough reason to beat someone Peter? I mean, did you commit murder?” Ned asked, sounding upset. Peter bit his lip. 

“I might as well have,” Peter whispered. 

“Oh no, we are not going down that path again. You can’t keep doing that to yourself Peter,” Ned said, his voice rising slightly. “He was wrong about that and you know it,” 

“If I hadn’t gotten cancer they never would have gotten on that plane in the first place. And then my mom put one of those life preserver things on my neck to protect me. If she’d used that ooon herself she’d have lived.” 

“And you would have died Peter! Do you keep missing that part? The bit where they saved you?” Ned asked. “Because I am sure they knew they could have lived! But they wanted you alive not them,” 

“I guess…” Peter said. “Listen, I’ve gotta go, I promised Mr. Stark I’d help in his lab, talk later?” He asked. He had no intention of going down to the lab, he really just wanted out. 

“Fine, over and out,” Ned sighed. Peter hit the end call button, pulling the blanket over his head after the call dinged off. 

“That sounded intense,” MJ said from his doorway, making his jump. And scream a little. 

“How long have you been there?” He asked, thinking back to the conversation he’d just had. It was all pretty incriminating. 

“Long enough,” She said, sitting on the edge of his bed. Peter leaned back, watching her movements. She’d been getting more and more like her adopted parents, he didn’t want to know just how much had made the transfer. “Calm down, it’s fine,, I already knew,” 

“Oh,” Peter said, putting his phone down to charge. She rolled her eyes, crawling across the bed to sit in his lap. 

“I’m sorry Parents are so shitty,” She said, holding onto the arm he wrapped around her. Peter shrugged, trying to make his body language as relaxed as possible. It wasn’t until then he even realised he was shaking. 

“Thanks,” He said, pressing his face into the back of her neck. 

“You do realise that this doesn't mean I like you at all right?” She said. Peter huffed a laugh, nodding. ‘Good.”

\---

“Who the hell is Barney?” Natasha asked, looking up from where Clint's phone had dinged. Clint subconsciously tightened his hands on the steering wheel, clenching his jaw. 

“No one. It doesn't matter. Er, what did he say exactly?: He asked.

“Well the preview says something about a dog. And blood- Clint, is this the guy who dragged you out here like this?” Natasha asked. “And what’s he doing to the dog?”

“Nothing! He’s not… the dog is… um,” He said, sighing. He was a master spy and assassin, lying was an integral part of his job, why could he never lie to his own wife. 

“Clint, we both know I’ll find out either way, don’t try to pull that shit on me,” She said. Clint furrowed his brow, continuing to keep his eyes fixated on the road with an intensity that a completely blank stretch of highway did not deserve. 

“It’s… nothing. I mean, it’s something, but nothing worth your time,” Clint said, tightening his hands on the wheel to the point of pain. 

“Really? Because you look more relaxed when people are shooting at us,” She said. Clint rolled his eyes shifting in his seat. “So this dog, what’s its name?” She asked. 

“Well, we’re gonna have to change it,” Clint said, looking out the window. “He named it Arrow,” 

“Arrow?” Natasha said. “No no, I think we should keep the name,” 

“I’m an archer, I can’t have a dog named  _ Arrow _ Nat! I think that counts as abuse,” He said, shaking his head.

“Speaking of, why are we driving out into the middle of nowhere to meet Barney and take a dog again? I think I forgot what you told me- oh right, you didn’t say anything.”

“Har har,” He said. She rolled her eyes, grabbing one of his hands off the wheel and holding it. 

“You’re gonna hurt your hand if you keep gripping it like that,” She said. “Lok, you’re leaving a indent in the wheel,” 

“I can’t leave an indent in a metal wheel,” He said. “Steve, maybe, but come on,” 

“Well you are gonna hurt yourself,” she said firmly. “Are you planning on telling me what's going on anytime soon, or are we gonna keep driving in silence?” 

“Silence,” Clint replied. 

\--- 

“Peter, this is gonna spiral out of your control real quick,” MJ said. “Tony has access to cameras everywhere, there’s no way that he won’t see what Ben did, and if you lie about it it’s gonna get worse.   
She said, turning so she was still sitting in his lap, but facing him. “The best thing to do is just come clean, believe me,”

“He’s gonna completely freak!” Peter said, re-wrapping his arms around her waist. “I mean, like, completely totally freak.” 

“He’s already seen the video though,” MJ said. “He knows he’s not a good guy,” 

“MJ, Ben did a lot of shit. I still think the best thing the spider bite did was get rid of all my scars, or else he would have found out already,” Peter said. “If he has videos from the apartment…”

“What exactly happened to you?” She asked, softening her voice. Peter sighed, looking away from her and down at the bedspread. “Peter? You with me?” 

“Yeah… yeah,” He said, shaking his head.

“At least tell me how bad it was. You don’t need to say what he did, but is it… how…” MJ said, trailing off. She didn’t know how to ask these questions. 

“I mean… not  _ great _ . I bounced around with CPS for a minute, they put me with my grandparents ‘until further notice’, but when they both died they seemed to lose track of me and I went back,” Peter said. “If they find the tapes they’ll lose it,”

“Won’t you just tell them?” MJ asked. “You don’t have to be the one to tell Tony, but somebody. You still have to meet with Sam twice a week after everything, and Pepper loves you. Maybe more than Tony…” She suggested. “Cuz I won’t tell anyone, but I will judge you if you don’t.”

“I just wish I could act like it never happened. I don’t want to have to think about him like that now that he’s dead,” Peter said. “I mean, he wasn’t all that bad a guy when he was sober,”

“The fact that you even have to say that should tell you all you need to know about how Tony will react to this,” She said. “And what was he like when he wasn’t sober?” 

“I donno, loud,” Peter said, shrugging. She pulled away from him, making his squeak at the loss of contact. 

“Loud? That's it?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Well, I mean, no… yes? I guess…” Peter said. “I mean, he never meant to hurt me, it wasn’t like he was just mean, he just got frustrated sometimes…”

“No one in the tower hits children when they're frustrated, if Steve and Thor have enough of a handle on their emotions to keep that from happening then anyone does,” MJ said, re-intertwining their fingers.

“It’s fine MJ, just drop it,” Peter said, shaking his head. 

“No, it isn’t fine Peter. Internalize it or repress it all you want, but don’t act like that is normal, because it’s not,” She said. “And if you don’t I swear I am marching into Sams office right now,”

“Okay okay,” Peter said, raising his hands, one still holding her own. 

\---

Clint pulled his car into the rest stop, shutting the door hard enough to rock the car. She’d handed him a twenty and asked him to grab as many snacks as he could, giving her a chance to call Steve. 

“Nat? Hello? I can’t see you?” Steve said, her phone filling with the sight of Steve's nose. 

“That’s because you have the phone turned around wrong,” Bucky said. A second later, Bucky was holding the phone, sitting next to Steve closely. 

“Hi Natasha!” Steve said, waving enthusiastically and accidentally knocking into the phone. “Whoops,” 

“Hey Nat,” Bucky said, switching hands. 

“Guys, guess what?” She said. “I think I got Clint all the way to town in eight layers!” 

“Eight?” Steve asked. “That’s  _ great _ !” 

“I know! It’s never been that low!” She said. 

“Does anyone feel like filling me in on what’s going on right now?” Bucky asked. “What layers? Why does eight matter?” 

“Okay, so every time anything happens, I will change my behavior as a reaction, then he changes his behavior to react to me, and we just keep going, but we’ve both been doing it for years before we met, so I still have no idea what Clint is like under it all,” She said, enthusiastically. “I’m down to eight layors!” 

“Wh-” 

“He’s gonna be back soon, and I wanna walk around, I’ll see you later, okay?” She said. 

“What did Natasha just say!” Sam shouted in the background. She hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Also guess who has a coffee date this week? Moi!!


	36. OoOoOf conversations are hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what happened when I started writing, don't judge alright?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy bitches!!

Clint stepped back into the carm dropping a plastic bag full of food and drinks at her feet, turning the car on. “Wait!” 

“For what?” He asked, glancing at her. She opened the door. 

“Please? I wanna stretch my legs,” She said, taking his hand. He glared at her, huffing, but followed her back outside. “See? Isn’t this nice? Fresh air and all, getting to really see the landscape, I love it here,” She said, swinging h is hand while they walked, Clint shook his head, but humored her, walking behind the hole in a wall rest stop they’d been in. 

“I just want to get back to New York asap,” Clint said, tightening his hand on hers. She shook her head, tilting it back to catch the somewhat weak sunrays on her face. It was surprisingly warm for what Clint had built it up to be. Warm and humid. You know her hair was strait. 

“Just enjoy the ride,” She said, bumping there shoulders together. Clint smiled, shaking his head at her playfulness. “How much longer do we have until we get to not Barneys house anyway?” She asked, pecking his cheek as they walked. 

“Not to long, I’d say about two, maybe three hours,” he said with a shrug. “Why, you board of the most boring state ever yet? Because if so I don’t blame yah,” 

“Me? Bored? Never,” She teased, carefully stepping over a recked bag of trash that she was hoping was just the result of some rabid racoons. “Anyway, I was wondering what this mystery town we’re driving to is called anyway,”

“It’s a little town near council buffs in southers Iowa-” Clint said, only to be cut off by Nat. 

“Say that again,” She commanded, standing directly in front of him. He stopped walking so there faces didn’t collide. Or her face, his chest 

“Southers Iowa?” Clint said. “Why- oh.” 

“Has Clint Barton been pretending he dosn’t have a southers accent this whole time?” Natasha said. Clint shrunk back, scuffinf his foot on the dirt. “Because I would be very interested in this unspoken of accent,”

“Shit- I mean… no,” Clint said. “I don’t have a accent at all. I mean, everyone sounds like they have a a ccent when they say southers, i’s just part of the thing,”

“Nuh uh, you so have a accent you have been lying about,” She said. “I can tell now that I am listening for it,” 

“So what? You hide your russan accent, why shouldn’t I hide the fact that I sound a little bit southern?” Clint asked, shaking his head. Natasha glared 

“No, you have a accent, I just leaned to speak both english and russion perfectly for both. there’ s a difference.” She said, grinning. 

“Whatever, let’s just drop it,” Clint said, shaking his head. 

“See! You’re doing it still!” Natasha said, bouncing a little in her seat. 

“You know it’s creepy how exited you are by this, you know that right?” He said. “I mean, I get a little- whats wrong?” HE asked, turning to see his wife frozen in place. “Nat?” 

“You see that?” She asked, flicking her eyes over a few feet. 

“I see a horse,” Clint said. 

“I think it’s planning on eating us,” She said, taking a step back. 

“Oh come on, is the famous black widow really afraid of horses?” He asked, nudging her shoulder. She bit her lip. “Oh my gosh are you really afraid of horses. 

“No!” She said, continuing to back away. “Lets um, you know we have a lot of driving left and…” She said, shaking her head a little. 

“No no, lets go say hi,” Clint said, taking a step forward. She followed instinctively, hanging back behind him. “Come on, the Iowa experience and all.”

“No no no no no, I mean… here, I’ll drive this time… lets just…” She said, pulling on his hand. 

“Come on Nat, you’re small enough I can lift you clear over my head. We’re just gonna say hi,” Clint said, taking another step. 

“I will scream Clinton,” She said, trying to tug away again. 

“We’re in Iowa, if anyone hears they won’t care,” He said. She huffed, but put up a little less resistance, allowing them to approve the animal. 

“What kind of horse is it?” Natasha asked. 

“Are you seriously hiding behind me right now?” He asked. She shrugged, standing on her tiptoes to place her chin on his shoulder, almost losing her balance in the process. “Carful. And there’s no need to worry, there arn’t any man eating horses. At least not in Iowa,” He said. 

“What about spiders?”

\---

“Mr. Stark, can I… talk to you… for a sec,” Peter said, scuffing his feet. Tony’s head shot up from the table he was bent over in the lab, his eyes wide. 

“FIrst of all, I thought we discussed a change in title,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. Peter forced a laugh at the joke, athought it died in his throat. “I mean, come on, MJ, what do you call Clint?” 

“Well last night I called him-” She was cut off by Peter slapping a hand over her mouth. She licked him, getting him to let go. 

“You can’t tell him that!” Peter said. 

“Er, most of the time I call him dod,” She said.

“And how long have you known him?” Tony asked, raising a eyebrow. 

“Almost three weeks,” MJ said, stretching. 

“Peter how long have you known me?” Tony said. Peter coughed uncomfortably. 

“About six months, anyway, can I talk to you? Please?” Peter asked, bouncing a little. Tony nodded to MJ, who promptly grabbed her book and high tailed it out hte door, leaving them alone in the lab. “Thank you,” 

“No problem bud, what do you need?” Tony asked, leaning against the bar that Peter was sitting on. 

“I… well… it’s not that I lied per say, but… I may not have told the entire truth to you the other day,” Peter said. Tony nodded his encouragement for Peter to continue. “It’s just… remember when you asked me if there was anything else about Ben that you should know about? And how I said no? And you asked if I was lying and I got on the ceiling?” Peter said. 

“Vividly,” Tony said. “And if I am not mistaken, you did a nice horror movie demon scuttle away as well,” He said. 

“I lied about Ben,” Peter said bluntly. As soon as the words where out of his mouth he had a distinct wish to shove them back in, but pushed forward anyway. “It was way way worse then what you saw in the video, and I wasn’t gonna tell you because it’s all over now and I didn’t want to complain but you have cameras everywhere and i can’t lie at all so I’m telling you!” He said. Tony blinked at hiim, putting a arm around his sholders. 

“Alright, step one, you need to take a breath, you are gonna turn blue,” Tony said, putting his free hand on Peters chest. Peter did as instructed, sucking in one long breath and letting it back out, still not even but a little closer. “Okay, you keep that up, I’m just gonna ask you some questions, nod your head for yes, shake for no, got it?” 

Peter nodded, keeping his eyes fixed on the ground as he tried to follow Tonys breaths. “Okay, question one, did any one of your family ever physically harm you for any reason?” Tony asked. 

Peter bit his lip, his breath hitching, before nodding slightly, only tilting his chin once up and once down. Tonys arm tightened around him. “Did anyone ever assault you, family or otherwise?” Tony asked. 

Peter thought for a moment before shaking his head no. Tony let out a slight sigh of relief at that, his body sagging a little. “Where you ever kept from food or water as a punishment that lasted longer then two hours?” Tony asked. 

Peter nodded again, his breathing coming faster as images flckered in his head. This had been a bad idea, he shouldn’t have told anyone. He should go back to when he’d talked to Wade and put all the words back in his mouth. “Come on bud, it’s not much more, you’re doing good,” 

Peter blinked, digging his nails into his palm to help ground him as he tried as heard as he could to make his breath appear normal. “Where necessary things such as items of clothing, school supplies, privacy, or anything else used as leverage to make you behave a certain way?” Tony asked. 

Peter shook his head no. His aunt wouldn’t have allowed that. “Did you observe any substance abuse in your household? Did anyone drink to the point of being obviously drunk or unable to control themselves?” Tony asked. 

Peter nodded, wringing his hands, “Last one Pete, where you ever deprived of medical attention, or forced to hide a injury or illness against your will?” Tony asked. 

A tear hit Peters shoe with a loud splash, making him cringe. He nodded his head after a moment of thought, looking at Tony worried. Tony just shook his head, pulling Peter against him. 

“Thank you for talking to me Peter,” Tony whispered, rubbing Peters back as the tears rolled more freely down his face. “I know it was hard. Thank you,”

“Thank you for not being mad,” Peter whispered. Tony pulled out of the hug just enough to place both hands on either side of his face, making Peter try and turn away. 

“Hey, attention here, I will never be mad at you for not lying to me unless you sound like Bruce, got it?” Tony said. Peter nodded. “Good, now I’m gonna go drop you off with whoever your girlfriend found while I make some calls okay?” 

“Okay… thanks dad,” Peter said, just above a whisper. He didn’t miss the flicker of a smile that crossed Tonys face before the door closed behind him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We call this: Your auther has insomnia and writes to numb the pain! Anyway, hope you liked it!! Oh, and keep on commenting those pet names, they might just crop up later...


	37. Ain't a past family member i ignore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so... you meet barney...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what ya'll think!

“Okay, we’re just stopping inside for a minute and we’re gonna grab a dog… things… and then we’re grabbing the dog and we can go home,” Clint said, getting out of the truck. Nat followed, stretching, rolling her eyes when she heard some guy on the corner whistle at her. Clint growled, wrapping his arm around her. She rolled her eyes, but allowed it to happen. 

“Pretty lady-  _ CLINTON? _ ” The voice yelled. Clint froze, turning around and walking back to the car. 

“What’s going on?” She asked through the side of her mouth, slipping into spy mode. Clint just tightened his hand on her shoulder, pulling her against him. 

“I’ll explain later,” He said. Before they could make it into the car, the man had positioned himself between them and the vehicle, preventing them from opening either door. Clint angled away from him, going for the other car door, before the man put a hand on Clint's chest, stopping him dead in his tracks.

“Miss me?” The man asked, leaning up to Clint's face so their noses almost touched. Clint scowled, cringing away.

“Back up Barney,” Clint growled, taking a step back at the same time she took a step forward, only to be pulled back with him. She shot him a look, but followed his lead. It was clear that he had more experience with this man then she did, which was none. 

You gonna make me Clinton,” The man, Barney asked, leaning closer just to aggravate him. “What are you doing back?” 

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” Clint said. 

“I’m sorry, is no one here planning on telling me what’s going on,” She asked. Clint tensed, holding her almost painfully tightly against his side. 

“Tasha,” He hissed under his breath. 

“Yeah Clintey, you wanna introduce me to the pretty little thing you brought with you?” He asked, looking down at her so she could smell his sour breath. She flicked her eyes up to her husband, trying to gauge her response on his que’s. Unfortunately he was too busy glowering at him to give her anything. 

“Not important. Who are you?” she asked, rolling the tension from riding in Clint’s nasty truck out of her shoulders and sizing him up. 

“Ooh, she’s feisty isn’t she Clintey?” He asked. She pressed a hand to his back where the brother couldn’t see, trying to calm him down. Clint was practically radiating anger. “Let’s go back and talk somewhere more comfortable, eh little bro?” 

\---

“So then, er, well… um… well so when adults… okay um… when a person is drunk…” Bruce stammered, his discomfort increasing exponentially by Peters tear stained face turning up at him, watching him intently. 

“Pepper Potts has entered the room,” Friday said, making him snap his head up. Bruce gave a sigh of relief, stepping away from the kid, only to tense again when Pepper walked twordes him, annoyance written all over her face. 

“I’m sorry, just… preemptively…” He said, taking a step back. She glowered at him. 

“No one expected any more from you Bruce,” She said. “Has anyone seen Tony?” 

“He said he had to go Ms. Potts,” Peter said, sniffing. “Mrs. Potts? Mrs. Stark? Ms. Stark?” 

“Anything without Stark is fine for  _ other people _ ,” She said. “But Tony is not getting to be ‘dad’ while I’m stuck at Potts Peter,” She said. “You are calling me Mom, got it?” 

“Sorry Ma’am,” He said. “Er, Ms. Mom. uh,” He looked down at his feet, blushing. “I’m gonna stop talking now,” 

“That would probably be best,” She said, rubbing his head. He looked up at her, his face completely pathetic. “I’m gonna yell at Tony as soon as I’m done here, but in the meantime,” She said, sitting down. “Why don’t you tell me about what happened with you and Tony, okay?” 

“Okay,” Peter whispered. He recounted the entire exchange, trying to keep a level voice, although it wavered a bit at Tonys abrupt exit, making him pinch himself in the leg. It didn’t bother him. It really didn’t. 

“That was a very mature choice of yours Peter,” She said softly, guiding his head so it was leaning on her shoulder. “I’m sure Tonys gonna be back in a minute, sometimes he leaves if he thinks he is gonna make things worse,” 

“Oh,” Peter said, looking down. 

“But who needs him anyways. Why don’t you tell me about your aunt while we wait,” She said, petting his hair. 

“My… aunt?” He asked. She nodded her encouragement, looking down at him. “You would have loved her mom, she was amazing. And beautiful like you. It made school awkward because my friend always tried to hit on her,” 

“Friend singular?” She asked, biting her lip. 

“Well I only have one friend. She was great. I always worried about her, I thought she was too thin, which she thought was ironic because after the Spider Bite  _ I _ was the thin one. And she had a million friends, even though all she had time for was work or watching me and-”

\---

“Clint,” Natasha signed in her lap, leaning close to him. The brother had aparently taken a bus and was more than happy to drive the truck for them, leaving her squished in the middle of them. “You never mentioned this at all bud,” 

“Well, it’s not like I was proud of our relation,” he signed back, making forced and slightly angry small talk with Barney at the same time. “He’s creepy and awful and I don’t want you anywhere near him,”

“But you care so much about family,” She signed back. “Why would you not want to…” She trailed off, not knowing what else to sign. “Forget it,” 

“Gee, feels like ya’ll hare hav’n your own li’ll conversation there,” Barney said, putting one of his hands uncomfortably high on her leg. She grinned, trying to look polite, although she was currently calculating how long it would take to choke him with one of those thighs he kept touching. Cling hummed a growl, pulling her almost in his lap. She didn’t mind. 

“Ya’ll gonna include me in that little love fest go’in on any time soon? Or will I have to worm my own way in?” He asked, laughing too long at his own joke. As a result he swerved the car, almost entirely into the other lane before correcting. She winced, happy no one else was on the road. 

“Are you  _ drunk _ ?” Clint asked, not easily masking the disgust in his tone. She raised an eyebrow at his voice, intertwining their fingers. Clint pressed his sholder reasuringly into her back, simultaneously sitting up taller so his head almost hit the ceiling. 

“Livi’n life like I ain’t got nothi’n Clintey. You’d know about that, wouldn’t you? Having noth’in?” The brother said, shifting his hand higher on her leg. She grinned, scooting away intil she actually was sitting on Clint. “You know, yah took so much fr’m me little bro, everythin’ really,” 

“Barney you shouldn’t be driving,” Clint said. “You remember mom and dad, you know what happened,”

“What  _ happened _ Clintey, is that the asshat got what we’d been to afraid to shove up is dumb ol’ ass the whole time,” Barney said. Natasha shifted, pressing the heel of her hand into Clints thigh to ground him. He shifted, and she could see his free hand going for his bow. 

“So Barney, what do you do for a living?” She asked, pitching her voice higher, and adding barely a British accent. Not really noticeable, but enough that there was no chance of russion slipping through. At the same time she grabbed his other hand and brought them both up to her mouth, effectively immobilising them. 

“I took ov’a dads ol’ butcha shop, yah remember the one, right Clintonion?” Barney asked, before laughing loud enough that the entire car stank of stale alcohol and something sour. “Blood used to freak him out so much, you still faint at death Clintey? I bet he does? I always tol’ him, if he was gonna date a  _ real _ women he’d need to get used to it,” Barney said, putting his hand back almost between her legs. 

She gently placed his hand back on the wheel, rolling her eyes. She wasn’t on a mission, at least not the normal kind, so there was no reason for her to pretend that she wasn’t disgusted by him. Clint clearly wasn’t aiming to spare anyone's feelings. Clint growled something about arrows in the back of his throat, making her smile. 

“Now, I hav’a question for tha pretty lady,” Barney said, looking her up and down, neglecting the road. “Whyareyah with a boy like Clintey here? I mea’ I  _ know  _ what all he’s seen in you, I see it to, but how’d he trick yah into stay’n?” 

“He didn’t trick me, I can’t be tricked,” She said seriously. Not technically the truth but it made him uncomfortable. At least she hoped it did. “I happen to actually like Clint,” 

“Aw, now lookie there, that’s a real cute sentiment,” Barney said, turning the car fast onto a dirt road, slamming Clint’s head into a window. “Bu’ really? Why? He get money I don’t know about?” 

“No, I like him for who he is as a human being,” She said, narrowing her eyes. Clint, ironically, put a hand on  _ her _ shoulder, holding her back just in case. Probably not the worst idea if he kept this up. 

“Com’ on now? Yah real’ think I’ma believe that bull?” He asked. Natasha was starting to think the hand holding her back wasn’t so bad of an idea. “Come on, why you wif him when you can have a real man huh?” 

“If you are referring to yourself then i believe we have awfully different definitions, wouldn’t you say?” She said, abandoning her hint of british and allowing some russion to slip through. A very intentional choice. 

“Aw, lookat that, she’s exodic,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOF! Is it bad that Clints brother has been the most fun for me to write? Also, I was re-watching the first avengers movie, and I figured out why it sounds different when Clint says 'tasha'. He doesn't say the H at all. Look it up, it's great!


	38. barney the disappointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YEEEEEEET

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day? How does she do it? 
> 
> I'm failing all my classes.

“Clint, are you sure you are related to this guy?” Natasha sighed behind the closed door. Barney had happily escorted them to Clint's old bedroom in an old rickety farm house. Clint had immediately shoved a wooden chair under the door handle and signed that he would be listening. “He’s a creep,” 

“He used to be better, before the crash,” Clint signed back. At the same time they kept up a vocal conversation about the floorboards or something, neither really paying attention. 

“He’s so gross, why did you need to come here?” she signed back. 

“He took a dog, it’s locked up and hurt somewhere in this house. I wasn’t planning on seeing him,” Clint signed back. “I went out of my way to not,”

“So let's find the dog and get out of here,” She signed. Clint shook his head. 

“He’s basically holding him hostage, if we manage to get him and go he’s just gonna escalate,” Clint signed. “If he hadn’t seen us maybe, but not now,” 

“Cliiiiintey, you in there?” The brother singsonged outside the door, trying to open it. “Hello? Why is this  _ locked _ ? This is  _ my _ house,” 

Clint shot her a look before removing the chair, letting him into the room. Barney stumbled over his own feet, tripping inside. “Oh, he-ey,” 

“What do you need?” Clint asked, keeping his tone cold. 

“Do you still… remember how to… shoot? Witha  _ bow _ ?” Barney asked, booping Clint's nose. 

“Yeah Clint, you remember how a bow works?” Natasha repeated the question, grinning at the absurdity of it. Clint smirked half heartedly at her, and she took his hand in hers, rubbing up and down his arm. 

“Yah know how  _ stupid _ Clint was with a bow before?” Barney asked, stepping well within her personal space. She shuttered, stepping back. “Always cry’n.  _ No, don’t wanna shoot this or tha’ _ , I was the real one, I cou’ kill anythin’ an never thought twice abou’ it,” Barney went on. He continued rambling for a while, before Clint just started to walk out, holding her hand and keeping her in front of him, further away from Barney. “Where yah tak’n the eye candy li’ll bro?” 

“You know Clint, I’ve always wanted to see Iowa,” Nat said, staring at him. He nodded slightly, pulling her close behind him. 

“We’re just gonna step out for a minute.  _ Alone _ , got it?” Clint said, turning and walking too fast to hear any response from the brother. Natasha followed, happy to be out of close quarters with the creep, into his truck. They drove for about twenty minutes, pulling off the side of a road into a cornfield, where Clint sat for a second, resting his head on the wheel. 

She scooted across the seats, none of which had any seatbelts, of course, to lean her head on his shoulder. For a moment she was worried that she was overstepping, before Clint turned, wrapping his arms around her tightly and pulling her into a hug. 

“You’re shaking,” She pointed out, rubbing his back with her free hand. Clint just sniffed, burying his nose in her hair. “Clint? You okay hun?” 

“Yeah I,-” He pulled away, whipping his eyes aggressively. “I’m… yeah. Yeah…” 

She pulled her feet underneath her, sitting back to really size up her husband. He did  _ not _ look fine. Infact, he looked like a mess. The last time she’d seen him so disturbed was when Loki screwed with his brain, and even then it wasn’t as bad as this. “Clint, I know you’re not,” 

“I hate it here Nat,” Clint said, shaking his head, his fluffy hair grazing the ceiling. ‘’I hate it so fucking much,”

“Iowa or being with your brother?” She asked. Clint didn’t answer, instead looking out the window, sighing. 

“You know, I know the owner of this field,” Clint said. “After my parents died my brother tried to convince me to ignore CPS. We did our very best to run Dad's old butcher shop on our own. I feel bad for anyone who bought from that place during those two weeks. This old man signed all the papers that I ran to his door, no questions asked,” Clint said, smiling slightly. 

“Sounds like a good man,” She lied. It seemed awful, she just didn’t want to tarnish the one bright spot of the trip so far. 

“Nah, he was a creep,” Clint said, shaking his head. “I just want to leave Nat,” He said, his voice sounding broken in the eerie silence. She scooted closer, wrapping her arms around his back. 

“No one’s keeping you here,” She said. “Not really. Barneys just some mean old drunk, you can walk in, grab the dog and go,” 

“No… that’s…” Clint said. “I hate him, but he’s my family, Nat. He’s all I have left,” 

“No, you have the avengers. You have me and MJ, you have Steve, Bucky would probably go to war for you, Sam, Bruce, two literal gods, and Tony, a billionaire with abandonment issues,” She said. “Barney is like an oil stain on your past, he’s not family.”

He rested his head on her shoulder, curling his entire body around her thinner form. She brought a hand up, smoothing down his hair, which the humidity had made extra fluffy (not curly, just fluffy) before jumping in her seat. 

“What?” He asked, sitting up, now on high alert. 

“Ya’ll huggen without me?” Barney asked, pressing himself into the window. 

“Did he run this whole way? It was like fifteen miles,”

“Gas gas gas gas gas,” 

\---

“Hey Tony,” Pepper said. She had already made him apologize repeatedly to Peter, probably more then necessary, and they were now lounging on the sofa of the common room, her feet tucked underneath her to avoid the cold floor. 

“Yeah?” Tony said, not looking up from the tablet. 

“Remember that truth serum you came up with?” She said. “Can I use some?” 

“Er, how much?” He asked. 

“Enough to knock out two supersoilders,” She said.

“Sure, why?” Tony asked, still not paying attention. 

“I plan on taking a page out of Loki's book and overthrowing the world,” She said. Tony didn’t bat an eye, just pulled out a blue vile from his pocket and tossed it to her. 

“You’re just gonna… okay,” She said. “Can you come help me in the other room please?” She asked. Tony stood, still not looking up. She slipped the vile into the hatch Friday had opened for her, following him to a random room. 

“In here?” He asked. She nodded, that was the one Steve was already in. Tony stepped in, the door sliding shut behind him. “Wha-” 

“Friday? Arisolise it,” She said, leaving. They could work out there issues like adults. Plus truth serum. 

\---

Clint finally gave up the chase, pulling back into the farmhouse with a sigh and killing the engine. She grabbed her perse off the floor, not making any move to get out yet, still keying off Clint.

“It’ll be fine right?” He asked, looking at her. His face was creased with worry, and she lifted a hand to smooth over his forehead, half jokingly. 

“Yeah. Remember, if worst comes to worst, it’s to master assassins against a short angry drunk,” She said. Clint smiled, kissing her hand before swinging his body out the car, closely followed by her. 

As soon as they stepped out he took back up his protective posture again, wrapping an arm unnecessary tight around her waist. He was overreacting based on the actual threat level, but she couldn’t say she minded. They stepped inside to find the brother passed out on the sofa drooling, surrounded by bottles. 

“You think he’s dead? I’m really hoping he’s dead,” She said. Clint rolled his eyes, leaning forward. 

“Nah, I think he’s breathing,” Clint said. 

“Damn,” She remarked, kicking an empty bottle. “You know, if it went so… frat boy, this would be a really cute house,”

“You think?” Clint said. “It’s only ever looked like this inside. In fact, this is the cleanest i’ve ever seen it,” 

Natasha shot him a look, using a pen to remove a pair of old underwear off a lamp. “Great. But really, the bones are good. See, if you put glass in that window, maybe some curtains,” She said. “It’d be cute,” 

“Yeah, I guess it would,” Clint said, squeezing her shoulder tight. “I’m just gonna go grab my bow and use the bathroom, will you be okay for a second?”

“Just a highly trained master assassin who’s been in the business sense she was eight, I think I’ll be fine,” She said, shaking her head. Clint scowled, and she could actually see the anxiety in his chest at leaving her here. “Really Clint, you can leave for two seconds, nothing’s gonna happen,”

“Maybe I could-” He said. She cut him off with a quick kiss on the lips, before pushing him away and towards the bedroom. 

“Go on, up stairs. Now,” She said. No sooner was Clint upstairs then Barney sat up, stumbling over to her. “Oh, so you were faking? Who could have guessed that?” 

“Glad you sent him away, want some alone time with yah,” Barney said, stumbling forward. No sooner than him laying a hand on her chest did she have him pressed against a wall, the tip of her handgun between his ribs. 

“Listen ебарь (fucker (ish) in russion) I don’t know what you did to Clint, but if you don’t want to wake up to a head full of led I would sudjust you back off, so you can take your grubby little hands off my waist and stick them back in the firepit where they belong, понял? (got it, russion)” 

“Don’t hurt me,” He whimpered, trying to pull away. She made a point of pressing the hand on his throat hard enough to cut air for a few seconds before letting him fall to the ground, going upstairs to rejoin Clint. 

“And if I see you fucking with anymore animals you are a dead man,” She called over her sholder, pointedly not masking her accent at all. She left him there, choking for breath, and kissed Clint's forehead when she reached the top of the stairs. 

“What happened?” He asked, gently placing a hand on her waist protectively. “Are you okay? Did he do something?” 

“Ничего, Кукла, я в порядке. (nothing doll, I’m fine)” She muttered. He gave her a concerned look, scanning her for any injuries. “It’s late, let’s go to bed,” 

“Fine, but please promise me we are talking about this later?” He said. She nodded, and he relaxed, following her into the bedroom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya'll enjoyed! Should I try and wrap things up with barney soon or drag it our more?


	39. Panic attacks and arguments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YOUR AUTHOR HAS DEPRESSION AND HAS DECIDED TO UPLOAD FOR THE THIRD TIME TODAY, CALIBRATE YOUR EXPECTATIONS!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bitch this is all just one long rant

It didn’t take a master spy to figure out that Clint was planning on sneaking out as soon as she fell asleep, but she evened her breathing and relaxed her muscles anyway, unsurprised when she felt him release her and stand up. She counted backwards from a hundred as she heard him make his way down the creaky stairs, virtually soundless. 

She got up, throwing one of his hoodies over her thin tank incase she bumped into Barney, and made her way to the top of the stairs, where she found several support beams in the A frame ceiling. 

She climbed onto one with ease, taking a birds eye view of the situation. She’d never understand why Clint liked it. 

“What the hell happened Bar?” Clint asked, taking a step forward so he was standing chest to chest with his brother. 

“No idea what you mean Clintey, me and your wife just had a little chat,” Barney said, giggling and then giving a hiccup. Clint growled at him, grabbing the bottle from his hands. 

“What is  _ wrong _ with you? You are acting exactly like dad,” Clint said, throwing the bottle across the room. 

“Don’t you ever compare me to that fucker,” Barney said, grabbing a can off the bar and chugging half of it. 

“Then don’t act like him! You were bad enough at the orphanage and then the circus, but when I left you had stopped drinking! You were getting your life back together! What happened to you?” Clint asked, his voice raising along with Barneys. 

“What happened to me? Clint what happened to you? You abandon me, ignore my calls and texts, cut me out of your life, and then you show up out of the blue?” He yelled back, slamming a hand into Clint's chest. “You are just mad because I am living a life mom and dad could be proud of, instead of running off with some  _ bitch _ and acting like the perfect little American couple,”

As soon as the word bitch left Barney's mouth, Clint had him against a wall. Ironically the same one she’d had him against a few hours ago, except Clint didn’t have a gun, and he looked about ten times more dangerous. Her husband lifted him slightly off his feet, holding him up by his neck. 

“Listen Barney, I might have left, but you know what? I married the most wonderful woman in the world and right now I am  _ fucking terrified _ to leave her alone with you, even though she is more then capable of handling herself, because if I so much as blink you are trying to shove a hand down her shirt. What  _ happened _ to you?” Clint asked, shifting weight to his front foot to put more pressure on his brother's throat and take the strain from his arms. 

“You wanna know what happened?” Barney hissed, his breath almost definitely stinking up Clint's face. “You remember the night of the crash, don’tcha little bro?” 

“You know I do,” Clint said. “I haven't gone a week without seeing it,” as he spoke with his brother more of the southern slipped into his speech.

“You remember where we were going?” Barney hissed. Clint's face fell from some twisted scowl to just pure pain. “If you hadn’t won that shit show you called a soccer game we would never have been in the car, you ever think about that,  _ brother _ ?”

Clint let go of his brother, his hands falling dejectedly to his sides. All his walls were down, he was completely vulnerable, and it was taking an alarming amount of self control to not hop right off the beam and hold him. But she didn’t think that him knowing someone else invaded his privacy was a good idea right now. Barney took a long drink of the beer in hand and spat it on Clint’s face, throwing the can down and storming out. 

She climbed out of the rafters while he swayed precariously, before he slowly walked up the stairs. She hid herself under covers while he walked past, but got up as soon as the sink turned on. When she walked in, making sure her feet were loud against the hardwood flooring in the hall, she found him toweling off his now wet face dejectedly. 

“Honey,” She whispered, the words dying in her throat. She thought if it were her she would probably want to be left alone, but Clint wasn’t her. Proving her right, he jumped up, turning to look at her and dropping the towel on the counter. 

“Tasha?” He asked. His face may be wet, but she could still see the tears brimming in his eyes. Without hesitation she pulled his larger body against hers, trying to rub out the tremors. 

“It’s okay Clint, it’ll be okay,” She whispered as he carefully wrapped his arms around her.

He stayed quiet for a long time, simply allowing her to hold him while he did his best to draw breaths in and out and not crush her in the process of calming down. After a few minutes his breaths weren't coming any slower and the tears were rolling faster down his face. At some point Nat had navigated them back into the bedroom, closing the door. 

“Clint? Котенок, are you alright.” She asked, sitting down, pressing one of his hands to her chest, exaggerating her breathing. “Breath with me котенок, come on, in and out,” she said, looking at his pale face with concern. 

“Just breath, you got it  lapochka,” She slipped into russion nicknames when she was freaked, unintentionally.

“I-” He said, gasping. She pressed his hand firmer against her chest, smoothing his hair back with her other hand. 

“Stop talking  идиот, you’re making it worse,” She said. Russion pet names and insults are awfully similar. “Lay down and breathe идиот, it’ll be okay,”

“Sorry-” He whispered, his voice tight. She covered his mouth gently, laying down next to him, keeping his giant hand on her chest. She continued breathing extra exaggeratedly to guide him. 

Finally he had calmed down enough to relax his muscles slightly into the mattress, intertwining their hands. She scooted upwards, pressing their foreheads together, keeping one of his hands on her chest and rubbing his back with the other. He calmed down enough to talk finally, wrapping an arm around her, still shivering. 

“Clint?” She asked, pressing their heads together harder, pressing a kiss to his lips. He shivered again, blinking back tears. 

“Tasha?” He whispered. She reached up, smoothing down his hair again. “Tasha I’m sorry I-” 

“Shh,” She whispered, bringing her hand from his hair to his face. “Shh, it’s alright Clint, stop talking alright babe? Just listen for a second,” 

“But-” He said. She could practically feel his anxiety ramping up as he tried to speak, leading to her cutting him off. 

“Clint, you remember the first day we met? You where 19 and a complete идиот, trying to tell me to come back with you, remember?” She asked, encouraged when he nodded along. “I thought at the time it was the biggest mistake of my life, but then you did something amazing Clint, you know what you did? You stayed there. I was 18 and you were 19 and we had no idea what we were doing, but you stayed Clint. Through every outburst, through every time I accidentally killed someone and we had to go to court again and again, or when I would panic on missions, and you were only 19,” 

“Why-“ He rasped out, only to have her cover his mouth with her hand. 

“I’m not done. Well it turns out that that was only one  _ tiny _ amazing trait you’d been hiding. And the longer I know you the more I’ve gotten to discover, and I love it. I freaken love your weird obsession with pancakes and how you like to sit up high. And how you insist on laying on the decorative pillows because ‘that’s what pillows are for’ or how you shake your head like a dog when you get wet, or how, even after knowing me for over a decade, you still never say the ‘H’ in my name, so I’m always ‘natassa’,” 

She paused for a moment, kissing the furrow in his brow. “I love literally all those things about you, but what made me go with you that day,” She said. “What made me give up eighteen years of training, give up everything I knew, and march towards my death as far as i knew, is you where the one person in my life who’s even been  _ so damn kind _ , and Clint, it’s gonna get you in trouble here,” She said, finally letting go of the hand on her chest to bring them both up to his face. “You have to let him go Clint, he hurts you in ways I’ve never seen anyone before,”

“Tasha,” He said, tears spilling over his eyes again, so he buried his head in her shoulder, hiding his face, which was cast in the shadows leftover from sunset. She pressed a kiss into his hairline, letting him hide for a moment before pulling his head up. 

“I’ve been compromising Barton,” She whispered, making Clint grin. It’d always been their way of saying I love you.

“Love is for children,” He whispered, finally kissing her back. 

“Not to break this up, but I can hear your brother breathing through the door, should I put the chair-” 

“Yeah! Yeah,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are there any authers out there that read there stuff before just shoving it down peoples throats? Because, uh, this girl aint :/


	40. D'aw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have no explination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!

Pepper sat down, her back to the door that had just slid in place, sighing. She’d be lying to say she wasn’t a little bit worried about leaving Tony and Steve in there with no mediator, but anyone strong enough would make it worse, and anyone smart enough was Bruce, and that was just going to make everyone's life harder. 

Only a minute or so later, after the shouting had started, Peter padded sleepily into the room, looking at her questioningly. 

“Hi Peter,” 

“Hello Ms. Po- er, Mom?” Peter said nervously, rubbing his eye with the heel of his hand and dragging it through his already messy hair. “Is everything okay?” 

“Yes Peter, I just, well there was this truth serum-” She started, figuring that it was futile to try and keep anything from the boy. 

“I know, I heard,” Peter said.

“You heard? From where?” She asked. “Weren't you asleep?” Peter shrugged, sitting down next to her with his back against the door. 

“I hear everything in the tower, it’s just some things wake me up,” He said. 

“What all wakes you up then?” She asked, poking his back. “Come on, sit up straight, I don’t want another Tony on my hand, and you already have the insane genius thing going.”

“Well, I don’ really know,” Peter waid, shrugging. “I mean, it used to be more before I moved into the tower. And when I first moved in I could almost never sleep, but then I got used to things here. Like Wade,”

“What do you mean ‘like Wade’? How would he wake you up?” She asked, concerned. Peter shrugged, leaning his head on her shoulder while he talked. 

“Well, like, every time he’d kill himself I’d wake up, or everytime he killed something else, but then I got used to it. Sorta like how I wouldn’t sleep unless there wasn’t anyone dying in Queens, but then I gave up because I have to hear the people die anyway, so I might as well have some sleep,” He said tiredly, yawning into the back of his hand. 

“Why don’t you go back to bed okay? I’ll stay to make sure those two don’t rip each other in half,” She said, smoothing down his hair. It was almost as unruly as her husbands, which was saying something. 

“Mm, nah, ‘M not tired. Not, at, all,” He said, shaking his head with every word. She rolled her eyes, but shifted, pulling the boy so his head was resting in her lap instead of her shoulder. 

“Okay, well then you stay here and not sleep, okay?” She asked. Peter nodded an agreement, mumbling under his breath the whole time until he finally drifted off to sleep. 

“At least someone in this tower sleeps,”

\---

“Clint?” Natasha muttered, sitting up in the tiny bed. Some of her hair flopped in front of her face, obscuring her vision with red for a moment. She mangled it back into a half bun, standing up and stretching before padding down the hallway to find her husband. 

She found him seated on a bathtub, staring dejectedly at a wall, his face blank. Shaking her head, she didn’t bother with any actual words this time, instead just taking one of his arms in her hand and throwing it over her shoulder, same as she did when he got injured, and standing, bringing him with her. 

“Oh, hey Tasha,” He said, startling. 

She leaned up, kissing his nose to distract him from the chaise Barney was making downstairs at the time. 

“Hey Clint,” She said. “We talked about getting up before you  _ wake _ up. Were you sleeping with your eyes open again?”

“I… don’t uh, I don’t think so?” He said, shrugging. She shook her head, walking into his old room. “It’s… jeez how early is it?” 

“It’s already seven,” She said. She naturally woke up before then anyway. “I was surprised to see you awake,” 

“Yeah…” Clint said, shaking his head. She rolled her eyes, letting go of his arm to allow him to sit on the bed.

“Today we need to get out. I don’t like what this place, or Barney in general, is doing to you Clint. We're grabbing the dog and getting out, I don’t care if Barney tries to stop you, got it?” 

Clint shrugged, but nodded a second later, almost as an afterthought. 

“You stay here, I’m gonna go get us some food, alright?” She said, kissing the top of his head. He blinked at her slowly, still processing what she said when she was already out the door. 

Pulling her hoodie tighter around her, she picked her way across the bits of shattered glass and scrap metal. She hadn’t had the foresight to put on shoes for, yah know, walking thirty steps downstairs, but years of ballet training made it rather easy for her to pick her way across the floor. 

By the time she was at the kitchen Barney had made a re-appearance, pouring liquor onto his morning coffee. “Hey sweetheart, Clintey leave you all alone?” He purred, reaching a hand up to mess with her hair. 

She turned away, completely ignoring him. 

“Oh come on darl’n, yah know me, you can let your hair down,” At the same time he spoke he gave the hair tie a tug, making her messy red hair tumble in front of her face. She smoothed it down and continued her hunt for any kind of food. She finally found a few apples and a jar of unopened peanut butter. She was glad now more than ever that they would be getting out of there. 

“Where yah russ’n of to?” He asked, slamming the pantry door behind them, closing her in. 

“You do not want to mess with me, I have no qualms about harming a drunk,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder to move him out of the way 

“No see, I like this here game, tha’ one where yah pretend ya have been faithful to my brotha and I act like I don’t get  _ real happy _ every time I see yah,” He said, grabbing her wrist. “But every game must come to an end, yah feel?” 

She twisted her wrist out and grabbed the food, running upstairs not nearly as carefully as she’d descended, not stopping when she felt a large piece of metal slice open her ankle. She closed Clint's door loudly behind her and put the food on his desk, sitting down on the bed. 

“Natasha?” Clint asked, jerking his head up. Apparently he’d fallen asleep again. He squinted at her, before sleepily getting to his feet and picking up her hand. “Wha’ ‘appened?”

“You sound way more southern when you’re tired,” She said. “It’s unnerving. And kinda hot,” She spoke quickly, trying to keep his attention away from her ankle, which was leaking blood onto the hardwood floors. It did not work. 

“Holy fuck tash what  _ happened _ ? Are you okay?” He said. “That’s bleedin everywhere! Where’s the first aid kit?”

“See?  _ Bleedin _ ,  _ happened _ , you sound super southern,” She said. 

Clint just side eyed her, pulling the kit from his backpack. 

“I just sliced my ankle, it’s fine. Hardly a scratch,” she assured. 

Clint huffed, grabbing her ankle all the same and pressing the disinfected gauze to it, making her wince at the sting. “Why’d you get hurt tasha? You aren't careless enough to step of glass accidentally,” 

“I was- ow! Distracted,” She said, pulling her foot back. “Will you stop? I’m fine,”

“This is real deep Nat, you’re probably gonna need stitches,” Clint said. “The nearest hospital is two hours away, but we could-”

“Clint,” She said, pressing a hand to the side of his face firmly, trying to ground him. “I. Am. fine. I don’t need stitches, and even if I did when was the last time we went to a hospital for something like that? We’re both way too experienced to need the internet screwing it up,” She said. “I’m fine, I just tripped, okay?”

“I… okay. Okay you’re probably right,” Clint said, sitting back. She leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his forehead while he sat there, staring at the tiny pool of blood on the floor. “I’m still gonna wrap it, okay?” 

“If you want to,” She said. He gently started treating the injury, glancing up at her every few seconds, unsure. She just watched silently as he unwrapped the gauze and started the familiar wrapping pattern on her ankle. She could hear Barney muttering and smashing things downstairs, but he didn’t seem to be in the mood to follow her, thankfully. She didn’t know how she’d calm Clint down if he explained what had occurred. 

“He’s drunk again, isn’t he?” Clint asked, sounding defeated. Nat looked at him through her messy hair, before nodding slowly.

“We need to get out of here Clint, it’s bad for you and you know it,” She said, carefully taking her ankle back and adjusting the bandage to make it more comfortable. “Do you have  _ any _ idea where that dog might be?”

“No. That’s the thing, I know  _ every  _ hiding place in this house, and he hasn’t had it in any one of them. I’ve checked everything twice and still nothing,” He said with a sigh. “Poor thing could be dead and I wouldn’t know,”

“I’m sure he’s fine. We’ll find him, don’t worry,” She said, petting his head gently. “Until then we just need to stay out of Barneys way as much as we can, okay?” She said, rubbing his back. 

“Okay,” He said. He turned so his back was leaning against the edge of his bed and his head was resting next to her knee, giving her the perfect opportunity to play with his hair. 

They sat there for a while, listening to the silence while his brother banged around downstairs, cursing and shouting at every little inconvenience. Without him noticing, she found the tiny (and invisible, thanks to Tony) hearing aid, and pressed the even tinier button, which Tony called ‘selective mode’. Last night she’d messed with the programming, tweeking it so that, when activated, he was completely unable to hear his brother unless he was shouting in his face. She had to be careful with it, or else it might make more trouble, but it helped him relax now, leaning into her touch. 

The peace, relative as it was, was nice. She took out her phone after a minute. “We should check in with the tower, make sure everything is okay,” She said. 

“Hm,” He muttered, but nodded his approval. She pressed the call button, turning her phone to get both of them in the shot. A moment later MJ came on screen. 

“Hey mom, hey dad, can’t talk right now, I’m busy watching Tony bleed out,” She said, before the phone screen swiveled and they were looking at Pepper and Peter, asleep on each other. “Also, I have a new screen saver. Bye!” 

“Should we be worried?” Clint asked lazily. 

“Hm, yes,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mwahahaha!!! Also there is absolutly nothing wrong with me at all, nothing, no sir-y. Right as rain. 
> 
> *sobbing*


	41. Don't lick my wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE NOT SLEPT IN 72 HOURS YEEEEEEEEEEEEEET

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy!!!

Natasha didn’t move for several minutes, listening to Barney thudding around downstairs while dragging a hand through Clint's hair. She’d admit that it was not huge on displaying physical affection, not for lack of enjoying it, but memories affiliated with the red room. However, seeing Clint so… un Clint-like was really messing with her, and she knew that he was never happier than when she was hugging/petting/kissing him, so she happily obliged under these particular circumstances. 

She waited for his breathing to even out and his head to slump forward, before she turned his hearing aids back to normal (she didn’t want to forget later) and stood up. She grabbed the quilt off of his bed and covered him with it, having already come to terms with the fact that he would most likely not be actually awake for another five or so hours. 

She wrapped one of his flannels over her cammie and pulled on her sneakers, walking quietly downstairs, grateful to find it empty. Taking out her phone, she paused for a moment before pressing the call button next to Sam's name. 

After three rings he picked up, muttering a completely disingenuous excuse before talking to her directly. “Hey Natasha, what’s up?” 

“You help with therapy stuff, right?” She asked. 

“...yes. I’ve been...giving you therapy for the last two months- what is this about?” He asked, sounding hesitant. 

“Great, I think Clint is broken and I dunno how to fix him. Other then murder, which has been taken off the table sevrel times,” She said. “And I’m in  _ Iowa _ , and everyone has a southern accent. Did you know that there is a Iowa accent?” She asked. 

“I don’t even know where Iowa  _ is _ ,” Sam said. “Much less the accents there. Tell me more about how you broke Clint,” 

“ _ I _ didn’t break him, he broke. I’m holding him together with four pots of coffee, some gum, and a lot of prayer,” She said. She was about to actually dive into what happened, when she heard what sounded like glass breaking from the other room. 

“Do you have to go?” Sam asked, looking at her with concern. 

“I… think so. That’s probably Barney,” She said. 

“Who’s-” Sam started. 

“Clint's brother. It’s… a long story. I’ll text it to you instead. Okay he’s… breaking other things. Bye Sam!” She said, hanging up before Sam could protest. She slipped her phone into her bra, missing pockets in her clothing, before walking downstairs. She had to respect Clint. She’s been living with Barney and she’d come seconds away from killing him in almost every interaction. She actually wasn’t sure she could take another drunk interaction.

She unfortunately didn’t have the luck to be the only one disturbed by the noise, finding a very sleepy hawk glaring at his brother's mess in the kitchen. She walked up behind him, making sure to crunch some glass under her foot to alert him before placing a hand on his shoulder, watching warily as Barney started throwing things around the kitchen. 

“C-l-i-n-t-” She tapped in morse code on his arm. “C-a-n -I- p-l-e-a-s-e s-h-o-o-t h-i-m”

“No,” He signed back. She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. She fixed a fake smile on her face as Barney turned to look at them. 

“Hey  _ Clintey _ ,” Barney said, giggling and slumping over himself. Natasha took a step back, in sync with Clint, letting the false smile side off her face.

“Maybe-kill-him a l-i-t-t-l-e,” Clint signed back, right in front of Barney. She raised an eyebrow. 

“H-e n-o-t- k-n-o-w?” She signed back. She still wasn’t good with words, opting to mostly spell things out as opposed to struggling with the words. “H-e’-s u-r- b-r-o-t-h-e-r,” 

Clint just raised an eyebrow, not bothering to respond. She nodded, understanding. Clint shrugged and she leaned against him, watching his brother stumble over himself. 

“Clintey, cannyah… fire,” Barney mumbled out. Clint glowered, staring him down. 

“What on fire Barney?” He asked defensively, crossing his arms.

“Intha, bush ou’sside, spilt… beer… I…” He mumbled. His rambling was conveniently timed with the fire alarm blaring. 

“Shit, Nat, make sure he doesn't break anything but himself,” Clint said, squeezing her hand before rushing outside. She rolled her eyes at Barney, almost slipping on his face in what looked like it might be a pile of sickness. 

“Perfect-” He said, interrupting himself with a hiccup, which turned into a coughing fit for several minutes. 

“Let me guess, you’re a chain smoker too,” She said. “Ahohalisom not enough for you?”

“You know, I’ma level with you,” Barney said, leaning over the counter to talk right in her face. 

“What a joy,” She said, rolling her eyes. He sloppily tried to place a finger over her mouth, missing by about four inches. She raised her eyebrows unimpressed. 

“Shh, don’t have much time, Clintey is good at putting out fires,” Barney said. 

“You don’t need to fill me in on him, I’ve known him longer than anyone has,” She said. It was mostly true. “And his name is Clint.” 

“I dunno what he was ova you, but there’s always a way out with me,” He slurred, leaning heavily on the counter, bringing them almost nose to nose. 

“What do you mean ‘what he was over me?” She asked, trying to keep him talking and not  _ doing _ . 

“Why are yah with him? I mean, if he was tha only one yah ever knew I’d ‘ave gotten it, but yah’ve meet me now,” He said, leaning forward, to the point he was almost lying across the counter. She tried to press against him, but his center of weight was on the counter, not the floor, so he hardly moved. 

“Yes, because I would be so tempted to choose  _ you _ over Clint,” She said, instead opting to scoot back. She was a little unnerved by how out of control he seemed. She didn’t have any question that she could take him in a fight, she did have a question if she could keep from killing him. 

“Well there’s some things an old’a brotha will always be good at,” He said before, to her horror, he  _ licked _ her cheek. Startled, she jumped back, immediately running a paper towel under the sink and whipping her face. 

“What  _ is _ it with you and saliva?” She asked, scrubbing at her skin way longer than necessary to clean it. It just felt so dirty. 

“Commere,” He said, swiping at her like a animal, catching and ripping her (Clints) shirt. She didn’t have a chance to react (which was saying something) before an arrow had impaled Barney's hand, pinning it to the wall, followed by the sounds of his screams a few moments later, once the pain registered. 

She blinked for a moment, tugging at the flannel she’s paired with her board shorts so it covered her sports bra better, not trusting Barney to not look at her while he screamed. Turning to the window, which was completely void of glass, seemingly for a long time, she saw her husband standing with his bow, looking surprisingly steady. 

“That may have been an over reaction,” Clint said, slowly slinging the bow across his body and stepping inside.

“Yeah, maybe,” She huffed, shivering slightly as some of the adenilen that had been in her symptom sense they arrived bleed out of her body. 

“It was a gut reaction, sue me,” He said with a crooked smile. “Are you okay Tash?” 

“...he licked my face,” She said lamly, which wasn’t an answer, but it was most of what seemed to cross her mind. 

“Yeah, he does that,” Clint said, shooting a look at Barney, still skewered to the wall. She gave an empty laugh, setting down the paper towel, still clutched in her hand. “Come here,” 

“Okay,” she said, crossing the, honestly disgusting, room, allowing him to smother her, purly for his benefit. She swears. They stayed like that for almost a quarter hour before Clint gasped, pulling away. 

“What?” She asked, whipping her eyes. Not that she was crying. She didn’t do things like that. 

“Remember how I told you about that old butcher shop that my dad used to run?” Clint asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet. She tilted her head, watching him. 

“Yes… why?” She said. 

“I think I know where the dog is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments, they make me feel alive. I can't remember the last time I slept and I have two final presentations to present today. Screw my life. This is my coping mechanism.


	42. Pizza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My brain isn't doing the brain anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited Pizza Dog chapter. But first Peter is gonna scare everyone. ENjoy

“Did someone say hemorrhaging?” Peter asked, jolting awake, to find that he was not at all in the same place he’s fallen asleep in. In fact, he was rather far from in, chilling in the bottom of the levels he was permitted on, so some empty meeting room, with Wade spinning in a chair and making ceramic unicorns kiss. s. 

“Hey, baby bro!” Wade said, spinning again. “We locked you in here, Tony might be dying,” 

“ _ What? What _ happened while I was out?” He asked. “Him and Steve were just  _ Talking _ !”

“Well then they started fighting, and Tony got hit, I dunno what with, and then Pepper told me to watch you in a vibranium room so you can’t escape,” Wade said. “Don’t worry, there’s like, at least forty more comics after this one, so he probably won’t die,” 

Peter, ignoring Wade's ramblings, experimentally punched the wall, using about half of his force. He yanked his hand back, seeing a drop of blood land on the clean carpet from his split knuckle, but more importantly the wall bent deep into the other room. 

“Friday? I thought this was vibranium!” Wade said, looking at the deep indent in the wall. 

“It is Wade,” she said. Wade’s eyes must have widened underneath his mask, but before Peter could ponder it, his hands were being held behind his back. 

“Mr. Wade sir, if I can break the vibranium, I can break your hands,” He said politely. Wade scoffed. 

“You can but you won’t, you’re too non-interventional for that,” He said. 

“Oh wow, big boy words,” Peter said. “Will you please let me go?” 

“No can do Petey pie. But if you ask nicely I might let you bounce my head around like a beach ball,” 

“Then I’m really sorry about this Mr. Wade,” Peter said, before wrenching his hands apart and, for good measure, kneeing Wade right between C1 and C2 vertebrae. 

“Wow Peter, really thought that internal monologue was going somewhere else. Especially when the author stopped to google the vertebrae most likely to paralyze and or kill you,” Wade said from the ground. Peter made sure to step on his mouth, wincing when he heard his jaw snap, before making an actual hole in the wall. 

“Now I’m not sorry!”

\---

“The  _ butcher _ shop?” Natasha asked, sitting directly next to him as he got in the driver's seat. Clint shook his head, running his tongue over his lips the way he did when he was really upset. 

“I should have seen it coming, where else would I never think to look that he has unlimited access to? And that place even has holding cells that my dad would put the animals in,” 

“Why did he assume you wouldn’t look there?” She asked, intertwining the hand left in his lap. “Did something…” 

“Nothing too bad just… scarred by association,” Clint said, bringing her hand up to kiss. She rolled her eyes, but absolutely made no move to pull away. 

“Still, butcher shop sounds pretty sketchy to me,” She said. “And you are sure that the dogs gonna be alright?” 

“No,” He said, running his other hand through his hair, only steadying the wheel with his knee. She shook her head at his reckless behavior, but said nothing. It wouldn’t help him, and what was there to really crash into out in the middle of nowhere? “But we have to try,”

“Alright,” She said, kissing his hand and kicking her feet up on the dashboard to stretch out. He chuckled slightly at her, messing up her hair before returning at least one hand to the wheel. “So… were you born here?” She asked. 

Clint raised an eyebrow, glancing between her reclined position and the road. “No, why?” 

“It’s just… I dunno, your brother sounded awfully southern to me,” She said, shrugging. 

“Yeah, I lived in that house a year before the accident and stayed a year after before CPS caught up with us,” He said. Natasha hummed her sympathy keeping her eyes trained on the road ahead (more so then Clint seemed to be) and waited for him to do the right thing. 

“I uh, I lived in Alabama I think? My dad got sick of the tornado warnings and so decided to move us to Alabama without the sun,” He said, shrugging. 

“That’s why his accent is so exaggerated,” She said, snapping her fingers. “Do you have more family in Alabama?” 

“That I want to tell you about?” He asked. “No,” 

“Better or worse then Barney?” She asked, rubbing his arm. Clint shrugged. 

“I was young, I didn't have the most objective view,” He said. “And who knows how I interpreted things, yah know?” He said nervously. 

“Rate them, based on what you remember. One to ten,” She said, leaning back against him.

“And Barney would be a…” He asked. 

“Seven,” she said. “Ten is Ted Bundey meets Hitler, one is a Peter Parker,” she said. 

“I donno, maybe something around a… eight?” He said, much more like a question. She sighed, kissing his head. 

“You’re absolutely  _ sure _ you are related to your family, right?” She asked. Clint chuckled, taking a turn somewhere, the only marking being a large sign post that seemed to have fallen. 

Two minutes later they were on ‘main street’. Which she put in medicofrical quotes, because it was really just a cluster of maybe seven buildings, barely paved, let alone polished or clean. He swung the truck into a large parking spot with practiced ease and climbed out. 

“This it?” She asked. 

“Yep,” Clint said, popping the P. “Home sweet bloodbath. What do you think?” 

“It’s…” she said, sizing up the store. It’s old red paint was peeling off of the walls in long strips, and had been left to collect on the ground out front. It was definitely worse for the wear, but before she couldn’t imagine it looking all to dashing either. “There’s a giant pig head,”

“Oh yeah, that,” Clint said, looking at the large plaster pig head that had already started to meld with the ground. 

“Did you two ever name him?” She asked, bouncing on her feet. Clint sighed, scuffing his feet. 

“Er, yep… we… well it’s not important what his original name was, but we ended up calling him CF,” Clint said, side stepping the large head. “Alright, let’s get going, dogs to save, people to drive back to,” 

“CF, like the disease? What could that have possibly been short for?” She asked. “CF… C...F…” Her rambling was interrupted by a squeak. Not loud enough for a normal person to have even registered it, but thankfully, they were spies, so it only took a moment of eye contact for them to sprint around the back. 

Clint moved faster then her, throwing open a door in the back before darting inside. She whipped around, having drawn the gun she’d hid under her leggings. She took a step back, unlike her partner, hit by an awful smell, some combination of rotting or infected flesh, and maybe manure. Plus something uniquely smelling like Iowa.

“Holy shit is that a dog?” she asked, looking at the bloody mass of fur. Clint had a hand already pressing against what looked to be the worst of it’s wounds, making the blond mess of fur whimper half heartedly. “We need a vet,” 

“Closest vet is over an hour away,” Clint said. “We should try and patch him up as best we can here before moving him,” 

“Right,” She said, taking a step forward. I’d barely looked alive, let alone like the happy dog Clint had shown her a video of. Still, when Clint started muttering to her, pulling first air supplies out of a backpack he’d grabbed to take with them, the dog thrummed one lazy tail wag against the dusty floor, making Clint smile. 

It had the opposite effect on her, making her eyes well with unbidden tears over the dog lying there in the dirty hay. Not that she felt anything (heaven forbid) but the animals pained whimpers where reminding her vaguely of Clint on this trip. Even more so as it wagged its tail pathetically at Clint's voice. 

“You are a strong pupper, hun?” Clint asked, pressing the gauze into the dogs side. “You’re gonna be just fine, hold real still okay?”

She was tempted to mention to Clint that the dog couldn’t hear him, but instead chose to step further inside the dark little room, kneeling next to Clint, only an inch away from the pool of blood seeping from the dog's wounds. 

“What can I do?” She asked, keeping her voice steady and calm. When she spoke the dog leaned it’s body up, tilting his head at her before whimpering and falling back down. Maybe they could name the dog Clint. 

“Hold the gauze here to keep pressure, I’m gonna stitch up what I understand so we can move him,” Clint said. She squinted at the wound for a moment, before her eyes widened. 

“See his ribs here, if we move him they’ll hit his lungs,” She said. “He’d suffocate,” 

“Shit,” he muttered, “Okay, I’m gonna see if I can call in a favor from a  _ long _ time ago, just… try to help him, okay?” Clint said. She stared for a moment, before nodding her agreement while Clint left, dialing on his phone.

“Hey… dog,” she said, unsure of how else to address it. Talking to a animal was stupid, she was well aware, but… it seemed like it would help, to some degree. “What is your name anyway? You got one?” 

Taking note of a faded collar around his neck, she reached forward, her bloodstains fingers pulling the tag slightly into the light. “Arrow… well we can’t call you that, can we? No we’ll think of something better,”

The dog whimpered at the name, putting a paw on her arm in an awkward swipe, licking its nose. “Hello dear, you’re just fine. Just keep on breathing, alright?” 

The dog licked the floor, seemingly in response, while Clint came back in the room, grinning. “The Vet said he’s fine with driving out here, he’s about half an hour out,” He said, squatting by the dog's head. She’d carefully taken off the name tag, pocketing it to be disposed of later. She had no evidence, but she thought Clint might like the idea of naming his dog Arrow a little too much. 

“What’s he doing?” she asked, as the dog licked and pawed at something above his head. Clint followed the movement, before getting up and snatching his bag. 

“He wants the backpack…” Clint said, looking confused for a moment. “Oh,” 

“Oh what?” she asked. 

“Yeah, I was fighting with Bucky about pizza, and it kinda ended up in my backpack,” He said, taking out a very squished piece of pizza. The dog whined upon seeing the food, pawing at Clint. 

“That is  _ disgusting-  _ don’t  _ give it _ to him Clint!” she said as her partner handed over the food. 

“Would you rather I eat it?” He asked. “Cuz I will.”

“I would  _ rather _ you throw it out!” She said. “Hasn’t the dog been through enough?” 

“Natasha, you can’t just throw out perfectly good pizza! It’s practically a crime,” He said, breaking off a piece of the food and feeding it to the animal. “A misdemeanor at the very least,”

She was going to respond when his phone rang again. Confused, he opened it, “Oh shoot, Tasha they need a legal name for the dog,” 

“How about Dog?” She adjusted. Clint shot her a look before grinning. 

“Yeah I’m here, uh, yes the dog's name… we named him… Pizza Dog?” Clint said. Her mouth fell open. “Okay, alright… thank you… see you soon,” He said, hanging up. 

“We did  _ not _ name our dog Pizza Dog,” She said. 

“Aw, come on, he likes it!” Clint said, gesturing to the dog, who looked exactly the same. “Please Tasha?” 

“We’ll figure something s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up on Fanfic Is My Coping Mechonisom For Life Right Now No Wonder I've Written 42 Chapers In Quorenteen: Ft. Your Auther.


	43. Guuuurl??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

“Peter? What are you doing here? What did Wade do?” Pepper asked as Peter padded into the living room, sitting next to her silently. “Peter?” 

“I left,” Peter said simply. “Wade’ll be okay in a minute,” 

“What happened to your hand? Did Wade  _ fight _ you? He didn’t tell you the code to the door did he?” She asked, picking up his hand and glaring at his injuries. 

“Wha- Mr. Wade didn’t fight me!” Peter said, shaking his head. “And he would  _ never _ tell me any code, he doesn't prioritize his own wellbeing. And I didn’t even know there was one,” 

“Then how did you get out?” Pepper said. “There weren't any windows in that room, at least not in the blue prints Tony showed me,” 

“I dunno I just… I hit it really hard,” Peter said. “I’ll help fix it when Mr. Stark wakes up and can tell me how,” He sat quietly for a moment, fidgeting. “He will wake up, right?” 

“Tony can’t die even if he wants to, and considering what he said to Steve, that might have been exactly what it was. He’s gonna be just fine, Peter,” She said, kissing the top of Peters head. “I’ll kill him if he doesn't.”

“Oh, okay,” He said. “What did he say to Mr. America?” 

“Never call me that,” Steve said, pointing at Peter as he stepped in the room. “And it’s not… exactly something I would like to share with a child,” 

Bucky swung his way around the doorway, laughing. “He called him mom a slut!” 

“ _ Bucky!” _

\--- 

“Really, anything would have been a better name,” She said. They’d been asked to leave the barn after Clint's bow had come out, and she was doing her best to distract him from the dog inside while they sat in the muggy heat. “Calvin or… doggo or something. Even a different food name. Like skittles. I once knew a cat named Miso even,” 

“Is that a food?” Clint asked. She stared at him. 

“We did a four month undercover mission in Japan, and you don’t know if Miso is a food or not?” She asked. Clint shrugged, laughing. 

“I was more focused on the people shooting at us,” He admitted. “What about… teaspoon?” 

“No, Clint- why would you name a dog that?” She asked. 

“I knew a snake that had it. It was short for something, I don’t remember now,” He said. 

“You  _ knew _ a snake named teaspoon?” She asked. “When?” 

“It was in the circus. I swung on the trapeze with her,” He said. “They let a few second graders name her,” 

“No,” She said again. 

“Fine, you come up with something,” Clint said. 

“puPPy, puppycat… uh, doggo… dogger…” She said. 

“Cat… catbug… um…” He said. “Fine, we’ll google later,” 

“Deal,” She said. Clint sighed, looking down. “Hey, you wanna zoom the tower, see what's going on while we’ve been gone?” 

“Sure!” He said, visually perking up. She smiled, checking her phone and wincing seeing the percentage. “We can use my laptop,”

“Great,” she said. Scanning she nodded towards the large picnic table to their left. “It is charged, right?” 

“Yeah, I had Tony do something creepy to it. It’s probably monitoring everything I do.” He said. 

“As if Stark needs to touch the computer to watch you,” She said, shaking her head as she invited them to the zoom. They picked up almost immediately, met with chaos on screen. 

“Hi Mrs. Romanov Hi Mr. Barton, please  _ stop her _ ,” Peter said, pointing to MJ, sitting next to him while she drew furiously in her sketchbook. 

“Stop… what?” They asked. This was going nowhere good. MJ shot the three of them a glare, turning back to her drawing. 

“She’s gonna get herself killed, and she won’t listen to me,” Peter said. “And I need to go because the police are asking me to help, but please talk to her!” 

“Oh, so you’re helping the police now, are you?” MJ asked, narrowing her eyes. Peter shot them a scared look, before pulling on his mask and exiting the frame. 

“MJ, what’s going on? Do we need to come home?” She asked. MJ didn’t say anything, keeping her eyes on her drawing. “Are you okay? What happened with Peter?” 

“Nothing happened to  _ me _ ,” She said. “Yet,” 

“What do you mean yet?” Natasha asked. “If you don’t tell us, we’re just gonna come down there. Or ask Peter, and you know he’ll tell us.” 

“Peter can do whatever the fuck he wants, I don’t care about what he tells you,” She said bitterly. “If you’re looking for him try checking with the police,” 

“The police- MJ what’s going on?” Clint asked, leaning forward, crossing his arms on the table in front of them. 

“He’s working with the police,” She said, disdain clear in her voice. “What, have you not been on the news at  _ all _ ?” 

“We’ve been pretty busy, you wanna fill us in?” Natasha said. MJ just rolled her eyes, tying back her hair. 

“I’ve gotta get going, Steve’s gonna be ready any minute. I’ll talk to you later,” She said. The call ended before they could get a word in edgewise.

\---

“Steve, there is a pandemic, there are fires everywhere, people are looting houses, you are not going to a protest,” Bucky said. “Not to mention that your brother is in surgery. Because of you. I can’t let you go,” 

“Try and stop me,” Steve said. 

“At least leave the shield,” Bucky pleaded. Steve picked up the shield. “You are gonna cause the biggest PR nightmare for Pepper, you know that, right?” 

“Pepper is a strong competent woman, she’ll figure it out,” Steve said. “I have to go pick up MJ, so unless you plan on attending I’ll see you when we get back.” 

“You’re taking  _ MJ _ ? Steve she’s a kid!” Bucky said. 

“Kids have the right to a peaceful protest,” He responded. 

“Does anything about what’s happening look peaceful to you?” Bucky asked, gesturing to their views of the literal fires. 

“Bucky, if I stand by and say nothing people will start talking for me. I already see posters of Captain America telling people all kinds of awful shit, I need to make my opinion clear. And the police need to pay,” Steve said. “Now look, Michelle is going to be there no matter what I do, I just want to be able to look after her. And clearly me being here isn’t helping Tony in any kind of way, so… goodbye,” He said, slamming the door behind him. He took the stairs, going double speed to MJs bedroom and knocking on her door. 

“You ready Michelle?” He asked. MJ swung her door open, her backpack resting on one shoulder and her hair pulling into a tight dancer's bun. 

“Yep, let’s go,” She said, nodding. He held the door open, allowing her through. She practically skipped out the door and down the stairs before he even had a chance to close the door. 

“This is gonna be a mistake, isn’t it?” He said, leaving.

“I believe that you have been told that many times, by everyone you have discussed with,” Friday informed. 

“What… do you think would… be the likelihood of her… actually getting… really hurt?” Steve asked, shifting in the doorway to the stairs. 

“There is a 12 percent likelihood of her being seriously injured in this protest as long as all the information I have been given is correct,” She said. “Which it is,”

“So she won’t get hurt?” He asked. 

“There is a 12 percent likelihood she will get hurt,” Friday repeated. “That means that if you go 50 times, six of those times would result in serious injury,” 

“Okay, I can handle that,” Steve said. “In fact I won’t let her get hurt! I guarantee it,” He paused for a moment before descending. “Did it go down,” 

“Michelle is currently exiting the building. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'ma say this here, please read before you comment. (unless I know you, then you can skip dolls)   
> I was super hesitant to even mention the protests at all. This is not an issue that has directly affected my life, and I was worried about how my voice would come across if I would be unintentionally offensive or ignorant.   
> However, part of my story is trying to be as true to the written characters, and I can't imagine MJ or Steve letting this go, and it is an issue that I care deeply about. I will be writing another chapter or two about the riots, as there are several in Seattle, but if you know more about this issue please feel free to inform me (kindly please!) in the comments.   
> I love all of you, stay safe, stay healthy, and try to be a decent human. Kisses!


	44. So we'll set the world of fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anotha day anotha chapta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy and stay safe!!

MJ ducked threw the masses of bodies, trying to distance herself as much from Steve as possible before he noticed her gone. She’d been given strict instructions to stay right by his side, which she was, of course, not following. She didn’t need her hand held to protest something he didn’t know anything about. 

“ _ Move, they got tear gass!” _ a older woman yelled, grabbing her hand and pulling her along. Startled, she broke into a jog along with her, trying to keep up.  _ “Keep jogging honey!” _ She yelled, pushing hard on her back and making her stumble, the crowd ripping them apart. 

She tried to steady herself on a street light, but eventually, when she felt ready to keep going, got knocked back into and shoved down. She instinctively curled around her head and chest, trying to protect herself, when it hit her. 

Her eyes started to sting, and she thought she might have gotten something in them, when her nose began burning to. Not a normal burn, but as if she’d snorted that muscle relaxant Flash always brings out in class. 

Struggling, she brought her knees directly underneath her, her chest feeling like it was being crushed, while she stumbled onto the sidewalk. A large man stepped hard on her wrist with his heel, throwing an apology over his shoulder when she screamed in pain. 

Okay, maybe this was a bad idea. 

Still, she wasn’t going to go  _ home _ . She curled her body around her arm as she scooted across the broken glass to lean against the frame of an old Nordstroms window. Or what was left of is, while she tried to get her breathing under control. 

Tears streamed from her eyes, unbidden, and her breath wheezed in her chest. “We got milk here!” A man yelled, making her look up. Why were people advertising milk right now? “Baby girl, you get gassed?” 

It took her a long time for her to realise that the man was talking to her. She nodded, embarrassed. He leaned over her, pouring maybe a cup and a half of milk directly on her eyes. She blinked, not bothered by the liquid at all, because almost immediately the burning sensation ebbed away. 

“Stay safe!” The man yelled, sprinting over to an old man covering a little girl with his body. Sniffing, she stood up, shaking herself off. Her shirt was dirty now, and her hair was a mess, and her arm still felt like it was on fire, but this was what she came for. She wasn’t stopping now. 

“Spiderman, this is the NYPD, we are ordering you to  _ stand down _ or we will open fire!” 

\---

“How worried should we be about MJ right now?” Clint asked, biting his lip. Natasha took a moment to assess. In all honesty, she herself was really worried, but she knew they weren't leaving the dog, so there was no reason in worrying the both of them. 

“I’d say a two. Maybe a three if she actually acts on anything. Which she won’t,” She assured, taking his hand. Clint nodded, working his bottom lip between his teeth while they stared at the  _ meeting over _ message.

“You sure?” He asked, looking at her, squinting in the sunlight. 

“Positive. Come on, let’s go get some food while we wait,” She said.

“Okay. You really think she’s okay?” Clint asked. 

“MJ has a tower full of super heroes watching out for her, she’s gonna be fine for another say or two,” 

\---

_ “Silence is violence, violence is silenced!” _ the ground chanted. MJ had managed to get back on her feet, and against her better judgment, was marching with the other thongs of people towards the police men. Her face felt like it was on fire, and her eyes had barely stopped watering, and each breath grated against her throat, but she didn’t stop marching. 

“Sir, please  _ dismount _ from the building!” One of the police officers near her yelled through a bullhorn. “And release the officers into our custody or you will be charged with first degree kidnapping,” 

“Hey guys!” She whipped her head around, hearing Peter's voice. “I uh, I think I found those other three officers,” 

Peter looked worse than she felt. His suit was pretty badly ripped, showing a nasty gash up the side of his arm as he waved. “Pet- Spiderman!” Steve yelled, standing on top of a car. “You said you were looking for everyone else!” 

“I lied!” Peter yelled back. “Anyway, I think, I think you guys wanted to talk to them, so here yah go!” 

Peter attached the top of the web he was using to hold up the officers to the very top of a building, allowing them to dangle just within hearing distance. While others surged forward, Peter swung down, landing close to her. 

“Are you okay?” He asked. She blinked, nodding. “Are you sure, your hand-” 

“Go, there’s other people that need your help,” She said. “I’m gonna be alright. Focus on the kids!” She said, giving him a push with her good hand before stumbling forward. The eyes to Peter's mask widened disturbingly, but he allowed her to stumble away.

“I-I can’t b-b-bweath,” A little girl sobbed on the ground. MJ didn’t hesitate before scooping her up, wincing as she used her bad hand to pick a piece of stick out of her cornrowed hair. “P-Please my e-ewes hurt!” She wailed. 

“Ssh, you’re okay,” she yelled over the noise. “Hey Pet-SPIDERMAN!” She yelled. Peter jumped up, running towards her. She handed him the little kid, before re-cradling her own hand. “Teargas I think,” 

“Hey, can you tell Spiderman what happened?” Peter asked, setting her on her feet and holding her by her arms as he kneeled on the broken glass. 

“D-da big man, he spay da spicy air… right in m-my face. I can’t… can’t see… pwease!” She said. “They're gonna do it again!”

“Okay okay, hold still,” Peter said. He stood up, grabbing a mostly empty carton of milk left on the ground. “Okay, I’m gonna pour it on your face alright? It might hurt a little, just hold still, okay?” 

“Y-Y-Y-Yes… yes sir… okay sir…” She whispered. 

“Okay, one…” He held it up. “ _ Twothree-” _ and dumped it on her face. Thankfully she found it funny and giggled with him. “Wow you’re so brave.” 

“H-hey… it… sting wess,” She whispered. “Are yah magic?”

“Only a little,” Peter whispered. “Okay, I need to put something on your face, or else you’re gonna get hit again,” 

“I had a mask, but da mean men took dem,” She whispered. Peter looked around for a second, before locking eyes with MJ. 

“Don’t do it Peter, there’s gonna be something else you can use,” She said. Peter just shook his head, before ripping his mask off and shoving it on her head. 

“Okay, I want you to walk right to Captain America and tell him that Peter Parker sent you, okay?” Peter said. The crowd was pretty much exclusively surrounding the webbed cops, as were the other cops, so the girl could stumble pretty easily to Steve. She talked and pointed at them, Steve's face darkening and he snapped his head up, when Peter grabbed her shoulder. 

“We gotta go,” He said. 

“They know now,” she whispered. 

“It’s fine,” Peter said. “I mean, at least it was my choice,”

“Tony’s gonna be pissed,” She said. 

“Peppers gonna be pissed and Tony’s gonna be disappointed that I did it while he was in surgery,” Peter amended. “Are you safe to swing?” 

“My hand,” She said, sniffing. Peter winced at the dark purple swelling around the joint. 

“Alright, put your arm over my shoulder, I’m gonna stick to you okay?” He said. She nodded, putting her arm on him. “Try to keep your arm steady okay? I’ll web it up when we get back,”

“Okay,” She said, pressing her arm close. 

“Peter what happened to your mask!” Steve screamed. 

“Lets go!”

\---

“The damage to his lung was extensive, I almost lost him about two times, but he really pulled through,” The vet said. “I don’t know what quite happened to him, but it seems as if a long rod went straight through his ribcage and out the other side.” 

“Like an arrow?” Clint asked, bouncing on his feet. Natasha realised he was probably trying to see over the vets shoulder, and tugged him back down. 

“Well I guess that an arrow… could have done that, but it is highly unlikely with the precision with which it pierced unless it happened compliantly accidentally,” The vet said. “All of the medical mumbo-jumbo aside, Pizza Dog is gonna be just fine,” He said, patting Clint's shoulder. 

“Er, yeah, we’re uh, we are working on the naming aspect of things,” Clint said. Natasha nodded. “Can we take him in a car?” 

“Just so long as you don’t let him walk for the next two days, he can go anywhere. The walking will pull the stitches,” He said. 

“Great, how much do I owe you?” Natasha asked. 

“Nothing, consider it a favor for an old friend,” The man said, picking up his kit. “Of course, if you really wanted, we could go out on a dinner date sometime,” 

“I’m her  _ husband _ dude,” Clint said, putting an arm around Natasha. 

“You could always tag along…” He said. 

“Goodbye Jake,” Clint said, pushing past him, bringing Natasha along with him. Inside they found the dog asleep, sprawled with it’s bad side up. 

“I’ll carry him, you go start the truck, I want out of this hell hole asap,” Natasha said. Clint nodded and vanished, although she heard a few suspicious noises that made her think he might have gone after Jake again. 

“Hey buddy,” She whispered, scooping up the sleeping dog. “You’re gonna be just fine.” 

She met Clint by the car, positioning the dog so he was lying across both of their laps at Client's request. “Look how cute!” 

“I still think I’d be better for him if he got dropped by the shelter,” She said. Clint opened his mouth to respond when his phone rang. He looked at the ID, eyes widening before answering. 

“Hello?” He asked. 

“Clint,” Strange’s voice said through the phone. Clint had left it on speaker. “It’s Stephen Strange. I need you in town now, your daughter is causing chaos and the city is burning.” He said. 

_ “What!” _ They both said, sitting up, making the dog whimper in their lap. 

“She seems to be one of the people leading the riots, listen, I’m trying to repair the city, this is kinda making it harder, so if you could just give her a call,” He said. 

“She’s going to be grounded forever, is she okay?” 

“She seems fine, but I’m more focused on stopping the imminent death of everyone in the city so… hurry,” The phone clicked off and they stood there staring at it for a second. 

“Are we about to kill our daughter?” She asked. 

“No. We are killing her babysitters,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!!! Please let me know!!


	45. She forgot she had parents...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DePrESsSiOnnn bitches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEnjoy!!

“MJ, you and Peter get back here  _ right now _ or so help me I am opening a portal for your parents!” Strange yelled from the pop-up meabay. Peter shot MJ a look. 

“He’d have to find them first,” She said with a shrug. 

“You ready to go back yet?” Peter asked. She shook her head. “Alright.”

“Do you see any more kids?” she asked. 

“A few, but they seem to have adults,” Peter said. “We can help put the fires out,” 

“Wait, you remember what they said about it being other people starting those fires?” She said. “What if we got those people?”

“I’m not taking you with me when I do that,” Peter said, shaking his head. She glared at him. “What? You’re not trained enough-” 

She cut him off, twisting to try and get out of his grip on her shoulder. “They I’ll do it myself,” 

“MJ, where  _ 70 stories up, _ you’ll die if you fall!” He said, tightening his grip. Not the reaction she was going for. 

“Then take me with you!” She yelled. Peter narrowed his eyes, but he didn’t drop her, so she was counting this as a yes. Until the smacked strait into… something. 

“Ow-  _ shit _ what did we just-” Peter said. She shoved her good palm in her mouth to muffle her scream at the jarred broken bone. 

“I found them,” Sam said. 

“Well fuck,” 

\---

“What were you  _ thinking _ ? You ditched Steve, you ditched Peter, we had no idea where you were-“ Sam yelled. 

“Can you just set my wrist and let me go?” She asked. He was not amused. “And Peter left before me to go hunt those men,”

“I don’t care,” Sam said, picking up her hand, making her wince. “If I wern’t a better person then I wouldn’t set this until you told me,” He grumbled. 

“Oh no, I was so looking forward to you jarring around my broken bones with the whole three hours of medical training you had in the army,” She said sarcastically. “Look, how long til I can go back out?” 

“Go back- Michell you are not going back out. This isn’t a protest, it’s a riot,” He said. “Take a deep breath, this’ll hurt- I can’t believe that you thought-“

“SHIT!” She yelled, trying to yank her arm back as Sam snapped the bone in place. 

“Maybe you should have thought of that before you walked into a riot alone.” 

“Yeah yeah, have you seen Peter?” She asked. Sam gave her a look. 

“He’s being watched by Thor in the other room. Why?” Sam asked. 

“You know that means he’s totally outside, right?” She said. 

“No, I put Mjolnir on him!” Thor said happily from the corner. 

“Go check then,” She said. Thor raised an eyebrow, but walked out, only to come back a few moments later. 

“Yeah he’s gone,” He said, shaking his head. “He was nice though! He even left a note! ‘Dear Thor, sorry for moving your hammer. I know I am not supposed to be able to use it, but I had people to stop. So sorry’ and then he scribbled on the bottom,” Thor said, pointing to the signature. 

“He doesn’t have his mask,” She said. “The news is gonna see him,” 

“He,  _ what happened to the mask _ ?” Sam asked. “Tony made it, there is no way that it got ripped!”

“An officer maced a little girl, he put it on to protect her,” she said. “He put milk on her face and shoved it on.”

“He couldn’t have found anything else?” Sam asked, sighing. 

“It’s Peter. Now will you please let me go?” She asked. 

“No, Michelle, this isn’t a peaceful protest, there are people dying out there, I am not letting you go out,” Sam said.

“Plea-“ She started. 

“MJ, I promise you, if I thought it was safe, I’d be out there with you, but I am not endangering a child because she asked nicely. Now sit down and stay put, Thor, you are watching her, I’m gonna go find Peter and Steve,” He said. “If either of you see Bucky send him my way, got it?” He said, slamming the door behind him. 

“Can I-“ She started. 

“No.”

“You know you used to be the fun avenger,” 

—-

“Okay, okay this is fine, I’m sure she’s okay,” Natasha said. The footage of New York wasn’t reinforcing what she was saying, but she wasn’t about to make this worse by being pessimistic. 

“Really? Because it sure as hell looks like nothing is okay and the world is burning,” Clint said. 

“She’s a smart girl, and she’s got Peter and Steve looking after her. And tony,” She said. 

“Isn’t Tony in surgery?” Clint asked. 

“I don’t know anymore,” She said, shaking her head. “But… this’ll… it’ll be alright. I think…” 

“What if she’s really hurt. Like, she’s not gonna be alright in a day or a week or a month or-“ 

“You saw what Tony did with Roudey, he’ll figure it out,” She said. “And I think Peter might be actually the strongest thing on the planet, so I doubt that she’ll get hurt,” 

“Yeah, I did just get a text from Pepper, something about Peter and Vibranium. I dunno, I was still helping Pizza Dog-“ 

“We are not calling him Pizza Dog,” She said.

“I’m so sorry do you have a better idea?”

“My idea is to not name the dog after a food,” She said. 

“My offer for Teaspoon still stands,” He said. She swatted playfully at his arm, making the dog cock his head on her lap. 

“When we get back, you take the dog in, I can talk to MJ first,” She said. “Unless you’d rather switch,” 

“No! I… I need to… think. Before I talk to her, I mean,” He said. She nodded. 

“I get it,” She said. “Plus someone needs to take the dog,” 

“Yeah. We are taking him up to the apartment, right?” He said. “I don’t have to drop him in a shelter?” 

“Of for crying- no, you do not need to give up your very special dog Clint,” She said. “Because I know for a fact that if I sai that you did all that would mean is the dog wild be living in the closet,” 

“I won’t apologize for having firm beliefs,” Clint said. 

“Crazy hawk,” 

—-

“Okay, we need to move now,” Thor said suddenly, grabbing his hammer and her upper arm, already out the door before she could get a word in edgewise. 

“Wait why? What’s going on? Did they find Peter?” She asked, feeling panic build up in her chest. 

“Yes,” Thor said. “Are you alright to stand alone, Clintonson?” 

“First of all I’m a girl. And Clint adopted me like a month ago, and I’m a  _ girl _ , but yes,” She said. He let go for a moment, picking up one of the med kits and started swinging his hammer. 

“We are flying back to the tower,” He said over the wind. 

“Why?” She yelled back. 

“The Riots are moving this way, we can’t stay here!” He yelled. “It is no longer safe for a lass here!” 

“I’m not a little kid!” She yelled back. Before she could continue the argument, she was being lifted off the ground with the hammer, souring through the air toward the Stark Tower at the speed of a bullet. It didn’t take them much longer for her to be delivered to Bruce. 

“Her arm was wounded in battle,” Thor said, pointing. Bruce sighed.

“Hey whern’t you working on Tony?” She asked. 

“Strange walked in, saw me operating, and just about went into cardiac arrest,” Bruce said. “What all happened to your wrist?” 

“Er, Sam thought it was broken, I dunno. It dosn’t feel broken,” She lied. Bruce gave her a look, shaking his head. 

“And how did the break happen?” He asked. She winced, realizing how her answer would sound. 

“I fell and a man stepped on it,” She said. “He was uh, wearing… something on his feet, cleats maybe? I dunno, but it made a snapping noise and got all swollen,” 

“And you… still don’t think it’s broken?” He asked. She shrugged, trying to pull her arm back. He’d however, been gripping it above her elbow, so all she did was jar the injury. “I’m gonna have to set and cast this, stay put, alright?” 

“No.” She huffed. 

“Thor,” He said with a tired wave. Thor stocked up to them, planting his feet uncomfortably close to her. 

“I will insure no further harm does come to her,” thor said, crossing his arms. 

“Okay, you do that, I’m gonna go look for a portable X-ray…” Bruce quickly retreated, letting the door swing closed behind him. She turned to Thor. 

“You know what happened to Peter, don’t you,” She said. Thor looked down, nodding. “Is he alright?” 

“The Man of Spiders is a very strong man, he will be able to pull through with time,” Thor said. 

“That doesn’t answer the question though, is he alright?” She said again. “Thor? What happened?” 

“He had wished for the other three cops to be brought to justice, but he did not wish for their death. People seemed… unwilling to allow him to intervene,” He said. “Your people are quite creative when angry,” 

“Shit… of course he did that, what happened?” She said. 

“Too much. You should rest now, Dr. Banner will be unhappy with me if I allow you to further injure yourself,” 

“What’s he gonna do? Turn into the hulk? Or throw equations at you like he does Tony?” She said. 

“Me and the hulk are actually on rather good terms,” Thor said. “No he would report me to your parents,” 

“My… oh shit. I forgot about that,” She said, shaking her head. 

“That he would tell on you?” Thor asked. 

“That I had parents.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope yah liked it!!!


	46. *Teridactal screech*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What up? It's your fave auther who can't spell theridactal? phyridactal? Pyrimid? 
> 
> Big dino thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe ya'lls

”MJ,” Natasha said, sitting down on her bedside. Her posture was perfect, a dancer's posture she thought idaly. Gwen had done Ballet, and sometimes slipped into it. Natasha took her broken wrist very gently in her hand. 

“I didn’t want you to know,” She whispered, looking down. She was surprised to find tears gathering in her eyes. She wasn’t going to cry damn it. “I just wanted to…” 

“I know you didn’t intend to have what happened be the end result,” Natasha said, inspecting the cast. “But it was. And you got hurt. Badly,” 

“It’s just a broken wrist,” She muttered. 

“It’s not just a broken wrist, it's an eight weeks mimumon of losing muscle tone and coordination in your left hand. When it starts working your hand is going to be significantly further behind your right,” She dropped the wrist in her lap, golding her hands. “we’re gonna need to get that back if we wanna get anywhere,”

“Get anywhere?” She asked, looking up. 

“Me and your father had a… revelation on the drive back,” Natasha said, measuring her words carefully. “You were separated, and even though you’ve lived with us for almost two months, we haven’t given you any of the tools needed to stay safe. We’re fixing that,” 

“We are?” She asked. 

“We are. We’re gonna start with six hours of training a day. Two of those hours will be dedicated to your physical condition, two of them will be on emotional strength and manipulation, and the last two will be different each week. You will get seven lesions from every avenger in the tower to learn specific lessons we can not teach you,” Natasha said. 

“And… we’re starting soon?” She asked. 

“As soon as everyone in the tower is healthy,” Natasha said. 

“Okay,” MJ said, looking down. She blinked hard, trying to beat back the tears. One completely disrespected her wishes, slipping down her cheek and landing on the blanket. 

“Michell, I need you to understand that we aren’t upset with you. In your situation I can see how going to the protests may be a good idea, but we want you to be safe, alright?” 

“Okay. You’re not angry?” She asked, toying with the blanket. Natasha smiled her signature barely there smirk. 

“We’re not angry.” 

\---

“Of  _ course _ I’m fucking angry!” Clint yelled, running a hand through his hair. “Her wrist is broken, her face is all beat up, I mean there are people who died at that riot! And people where shooting and-” 

He cut himself off, pacing across the floor, twisting his hands. Loki held up his hands, lounging on the counter. “I just asked a question, I didn’t request a monologue,” 

“Oh, we listen to you monologues about frozen grapes on a daily basis, you can shut up for three seconds,” Clint snapped. Loki raised his eyebrows, stretching out. 

“Alright, you may continue,” He said. Clint rolled his eyes. 

“You know, she could have died!” Clint said. “Like, permanently,”

“Yes, that does appear to be how death works,” Loki said. 

“Oh, for everyone but you, huh?” Clint shot back. Loki shrugged, swinging his legs over the counter. 

“Alright, time to switch shifts,” Loki said. 

“Switch… what?” Clint asked. Loki didn’t respond, but did high five Wade as he walked into the room. 

“Shifts.” Wade said. “Continue,” 

\---

“So… did you forget Dad in Iowa, or…” MJ asked, looking around the rest of the empty hospital room. Natasha smirked at her. 

“No, he’s just… taking care of the dog… before he comes in to check on you,” Natasha said. 

“Alright. Is he… awful when he’s mad?” She asked, looking down. She was hoping Natasha wouldn't be able to see what she was really asking; should she be scared?

“Clint can’t be awful if he tries. He’s very scared of losing you MJ,” Natasha said. “He is very loud… and tall… and wide… but he doesn't mean to be. It’s just how he is,” 

“Oh… okay,” she said, shaking her head. “That’s… okay…” 

“You don’t need to be scared,” Natasha said, resting her hand on MJs arm. “Just think of him as a really,  _ really _ overgrown puppy, it helps,” 

“Okay,” MJ said. “Have… you heard about Peter?” 

Natashas face darkened, and she nodded her head. “I’ve actually heard a lot about him,” 

“Is he gonna be alright?” She asked. “Did he get to hurt? I don’t know how long he had out, but Thor tried putting his hammer on him and Peter just took it off. But he had enough time to write a note so…” She trailed off. “Is he okay?” 

“He got hurt pretty bad. We’re really lucky that he has the healing factor he does. It’s pretty advanced, so he’s going to heal completely, and probably in a week he’s gonna be back to normal,” 

“That doesn't mean anything, I once saw him re-sew in his own heart and do the FITNESSGRAM the next day,” MJ said. “I mean, then he passed out and gave himself a concussion, but that aside,” 

“He’s gonna be okay,” Natasha repeated, patted her knee.

\---

“Alright, I understand why you’ve got  _ BEEEEEEEEEEEEEE _ shoved up your ass and  _ BEEEEEEEPing BEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP! _ ” Wade yelled. 

“What… are you doing?” 

“This is a PG-13 story, anyway, I understand why you are acting upset…” Wade said, as if it was completely normal. 

“Are you off your meds or something?” Clint asked. 

“The point is, you’d better just go talk to her, because I’m making things worse, the issistrater is thinking it I swear,” Wade said. 

“I’m leaving now…” Clint said, standing up. 

“Yay! It worked!” 

Clint ignored the man, walking up to MJ’s hospital room and knocking. Hearing to respond, he slipped in. Natasha was sitting rigidly on the bed, looking at him. MJ seemed to be trying to sink back into the pillows as much as possible. 

“He-ey Dad…” she said. He paused, biting back the rant on the tip of his tongue, shooting a look at Natasha. She minutely shook her head, one of her curls standing on the zipper of her hoodie. 

He flicked his gaze between them, seeing the dark purple cast lying on the light blue bed sheet, and her eyes continuously flicked between him and the oxygen in the corner, a strange thing to be worried about, but to each their own. Instead of launching into a long rambling  _ explanation _ of why what she did was  _ so dangerous he _ , he instead approached her bedside, sitting with one leg on the bed, one foot still on the floor. 

He put one hand hard on her shoulder, pressing her into the bed further, and turned her body so that she was forced to look at him. “What are you…” 

He cut off her question, slipping his hand behind her shoulders and pulling her firmly against him. “You are never leaving the house again,” 

“At least by yourself,” Natasha chimed in. 

“Steve doesn't count,” 

“Steve never should have counted,” Natasha agreed. Clint boded, wrinkling his nose when MJs hair tickled his face. She tried to pull back after a moment, which he was not allowing to happen. Instead he tucked her head under his chin, clinging onto her. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” She said after a while. Clint laughed, letting her go and smoothing back her hair, which he had significantly messed up. 

“Natasha told you about the training?” He asked. MJ nodded. “Good. And you know when we’re starting?” Another nod. “Alright,” 

“So… you guys aren't gonna yell at me?” She asked. Natasha and Clint shook their heads at the same time, making eye contact. “So this is it? No punishment or anything?” 

“Did you not hear the bit about training?” Natasha asked. “I wouldn’t want to do that,” 

“But… I disobeyed you,” MJ said, still clearly confused. “And you aren't… doing anything about that?” 

“No not really,” Clint said. “I did worse shit at your age then go to a protest,” 

“I was locked up in a russion conforment school for assassins, but I was killing people so…” Natasha said. 

“Yeah, if you’d hurt anybody that might be a different story,” Clint said. “But even then, It doesn't really matter as long as nobody died,” 

“Nobody  _ innocent _ died,” Natasha corrected. “We’re assassins, killing is out thing,”

“If you get hurt again and it’s your fault I’ll be upset, but I don’t think it was your idea to break your wrist,” Clint said, “So no harm no foul, just listen next time,” 

“Oh… okay…” MJ said. She still looked wary, but Natasha nodded to talk to him in the hall, so he promised to return shortly with snacks and made his exit. 

“That was quite the change in demeanor,” Natasha said, crossing her arms. 

“I didn’t expect her to look so  _ scared _ , it’s not my fault,” Clint whispered. “Did you see her face? And the way she kept looking at the oxygen tank? Something  _ must _ have happened before. I mean, I respect a healthy fear of breathing, but I don’t think-” 

Natasha covered his mouth, looking at him. “I agree. Except for the breathing thing, you’re just fucked up. So we’re not yelling?” 

“Not yelling,” Clint reaffirmed, “We are getting snacks, because I’m  _ hungry! _ ” 

“So nothings changed?” Natasha asked. Clint laughed, turning around and freezing when he saw Peter standing in the middle of the hallway. Or the ceiling of the hallway. 

“He-ey Mr. Barton, Hi Mrs. Romanov, I was just going…” Peter said, taking a step back. 

“Peter? What are you- who is that?” Clint asked. 

“Don’t you have brain damage or something?” Natasha asked. 

“Oh! I found this really nice lady in the street shooting back at the cops and I took her back with me because I didn’t want them hurting her,” Peter said, gesturing to the lady he was holding. “Anyway… I better go…” 

“Is that Peter!” A voice yelled from somewhere down the hall. 

“Alright, you stay here, you’ll like these guys, there assassins, um… bye,” Peter said, setting the old lady down and sprinting down the hall. She smoothed down her shirt and extended a frail hand. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Peggy,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Hope you liked it! Also, if you are attending any of the riots here are a few tips to stay safe!  
> 1\. Go with people you know and have a protest buddy.  
> 2.Pack water and snacks.  
> 3\. Always dress and pack for the possibility of a riot.  
> 4\. Always protect your eyes and where a facemask to protect from COVID and Teargas  
> Stay safe dolls! ILY


	47. PEGGY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They didn't even shoot back...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rumers are true, Peggy is HERE

“So… Peggy, how long you gonna be staying,” Tony asked, taking a sip of his coffee and barely wincing when it scorched his mouth. 

“Don’t do that dear, your mouth is going to get burnt, I swear how old are you,” She asked, removing the cup from his hands and placing it at the furthest end of the table. “And I didn’t intend to stay at all, but there was a rather concerned child who seemed rather insistent that I stay until the rioting is over.”

“Great! You’ve already met Peter!” Tony said, laughing.

“Yes, I could have also sworn that he told me you had been in surgery not two hours ago, so I have to question why you chose to meet me outside of a hospital room, should he not be lying,” She said, looking at him over her glasses. “Which I do not believe him to be. Infact, I think I will already be defaulting to his version of the truth when held against yours,” 

“Gee, no need to flatter me Peg,” Tony said, reaching for his coffee again. When further restrained, he instead grabbed a cup from a different machine, looking her straight in the eye as he drank the near boiling drink. 

“You are too much your father's son,” She said. Tony almost spit his coffee, but settled for choking on his drink, glaring at her. 

“You know, I’m now remembering why I rarely invite you here, think I remember now,” He said, clearing his throat. “Do I really act like dad?” 

“...of course now…” She said, patting his arm. He narrowed his eyes, but didn’t push it. She grinned at him, and he swore she hadn’t aged since he was eight. She wouldn’t have if she’d gone along with his plan, but she seemed to have problems with immortality. 

“You know if anyone deserved to be immortal,” Tony said. She shook her head, rolling her eyes. “Oh come on, the rest of the team already is, why not stick around to keep us in check?” 

“Antony, why on earth would I want to stay here any longer then I absolutely need to?” She asked. “Although while I’m here, I am rather curious about that child you never seemed to have the time to mention,”

“I never said he was biologically mine,” Tony said, holding up his hands. “I just found a random superhero on the street and I wanted him and Pepper wasn’t there to say no. yet,” 

“You expect me to believe that you don’t have at least eight illigedimet children running around causing chaos? Antony please do not insult my intelligence,” She said. 

“ _ Anyway _ \- when’t you  _ just _ shooting at the police? Why are we not talking about that?” He asked. 

“Because they were too much of cowards to shoot back,” She said, taking a sip of tea. “I mean, honestly, you’d think a rubber bullet to the neck would have gotten through to them,” 

_ “Neck?”  _ Tony asked.

“Best gap in that armer. Well that and the groin, but starilization isn’t really my style,” She said.

“...ew,” Tony said, shaking his head. “You know, let’s properly introduce you to Peter. That… might not be my worst idea today… I hope, uh- Hey Pete!” 

It took Peter maybe thirty seconds to scuttle in from the window, his preferred way of transport, and stuck his head in the room before flipping in, landing slightly awkwardly and stumbling a little, before regaining balance. “I’m here!” 

“He is already by far my favorite person in this tower,” Peggy said, sipping her tea. Peter shot his head up, waving at her enthusiastically. “I mean, look at him. He looks like a cabbage patch kid, doesn’t he?” 

“A what?” Peter asked, tilting his head at Tony snorted. “Is that a bad thing?” 

“No kiddo, you wanna get off the ceiling?” He asked. 

“Oh, sorry,” Peter said, dropping down and landing half on the counter, slamming his side and then falling down. A moment later he popped back up and bounced onto the surface, sitting cross legged. 

“And he can walk on the ceiling because…” Peggy said, trailing off. Peter's eyes widened. 

“Right, uh… that was all a dream…” He said, wiggling his fingers. “MJ’s been giving me lesions!” 

“Keek working on it,” Tony said. 

“Dear heaven, did you experiment on a child Antony?” Peggy said. “You know I strictly prohibited that after your father-” 

“No! Geeze, have a little faith,” He said. “Pete got bitten by a spider that I did  _ not _ directly make, and… I donno, he should have died and instead he got sticky,” 

“Mhm! And I’ve been hungry since last August,” Peter said, nodding. 

“Yeah we’re still working on that…” Tony said. “But Peg, this is Peter. He’s ridiculous and a much better person than I ever was,” 

“Is he 12?” She asked. 

“Hey! I’m 15!” Peter said, bouncing indignantly. She hid a smile behind her hand, making him pout, before straightening. 

“So Peter, would you like to hear some stories about Tony at your age?” She asked. Peter lit up like a christmas tree. 

“Really?” 

“Oh  _ super _ bad idea-” 

\---

“Wait- so we have a dog?” MJ asked, after sitting in silence for a minute with her parents. Clint laughed, rubbing his neck while Natasha rolled her eyes. “What’s their name?” 

“Names not important, uh, yeah, we… found him on a mission and he was pretty beat up. His owner was… um, not the best, so we took him back with us,” Clint said. 

“What all happened to him?” MJ asked sitting up. They exchanged looks, careful how they provide. 

“Amongst other things, he was impaled, and some of his ribs were broken,” Natasha said curtly. 

“Wow, dog’s pretty lucky,” She said. They exchanged looks. “What? He might have gotten beat up, but then two assassins who adopt everything that breathes stumbled across him and said ‘mine’, I mean, it doesn't get luckier in that situation,” 

“Maybe we could name the dog Lucky,” Clint said, laughing. 

“Better than Pizza Dog,” Natash said, shaking her head. 

“I’m sorry he named it what?”

\---

“And then he just  _ jumped off  _ the boat, so- Tony you better not be leaving,” Peggy said, looking up.

“Hey! What if I’m going to bed?” Tony said defensively. 

“Are you?” She asked, folding her hands together. 

“Well no, but that wasn’t the question,” Tony said. “I was actually going to go let a certain capsical and his boyfriend let you know you were back. That’s some drama I wanna see,” 

“Oh, so he finally figured out that he was gay. Took him long enough,” She said, shaking her head, her silver hair swinging. 

“Wait you knew? You dated him!” Tony said. 

“Well I knew, but he didn’t, and he was awfully cute,” She said. Tony sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “He reminded me sorta of your father,” 

“Oh yeah, by the way, my dad, also his dad,” Tony said. 

“Well that really makes the Steve sex dolls weird dosn’t it,” She said, taking a sip of tea. Peter choked on his hot chocolate. 

“His  _ what _ ma’am?” Peter asked, whipping his mouth. She grinned. 

“Oh I have things to tell you doll,” She said, patting Peter's hand. 

“Don’t you go corrupting him, him and Thor are the last good ones,” He said. “Oh, his girlfriend is running around here somewhere, I think she’s still in the hospital,” 

“Yes I saw her turn over a car, very impressive, I approved,” She said. “You should be more like your girlfriend Peter,” 

“Oh not you too,” He said, dropping his head on the table, making Tony snort. “Dads been saying that sense he met MJ and she flipped off the entire avengers team,” 

“See, these are the kinds of women people should date. Like Pepper,” She said. “Why do men never imitate,” 

“I thought you didn’t want me cupupted,” Peter said, crossing his arms, pouting. Peggy laughed, patting his head. 

“Of course now dear,” She said. “Tony, would it be possible for me to be able to talk to everyone in the tower at once? If you all can be in the same room of course, of not I can always record a video and just, email it to you,” 

“You are already so much better with tech then Steve,” Tony said. 

“Oh give him a break dear, it wasn’t so sudden for me,” She said. 

“Bucky caught up, he officially has no excuse,” Tony said. “But I can call a meeting,” 

“Great, I will be in the conference room in half an hour,” She said. “Four 109, room 1776, got it?” 

“Yes Ma’am,” He said. 

“Good,” 

\---

“I’m happy you all made it,” Peggy said, looking at everyone. She had, with Peter's help, replaced the spinning chairs and large desk with pillow forts and some just straight bedding. “Bruce, you look like your dying,” 

“I’m fine,” He said, from where he was being squished between Thor and Natasha, which looked very intentional. 

“Well, I don’t mind small talk, but I don’t think that's what you all want, so let’s cut to the point, I’m dying. Of dementia to be specific, and I have some.. Relations I fear slip my mouth while I am not in my best state, so I will be informing all of you of a few things,” She said. “We will be starting with the smaller things and work our way up,” 

“You only think you’re dying,” Tony mumbled. “Give me ten minutes with your brain and-” 

“Tony,” she snapped her fingers. “Let's start easy, when I was eight I strangled a man in his sleep with my bonnet-”

“I want to be her when I grow up,” MJ stage whispered to Natasha. 

“Me to,” She replied. 

“Oh just wait on that, we’ll get there,” Peggy said. 

“What-”

“So then when I was 12 and a man slapped my ass I took out my-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you feel about random relations on the team? Me to. Don't worry, I only toyed with the idea of Natasha being Steves kid. It's not gonna happen... but... like, I don't hate it. 
> 
> Also, thoughts on the Bruce x Thor ship? I can't tell if I like it or if I really am just that despret to read fanfic. Give me your thoughts.


	48. Wow, Peggy really got around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember how Peggy was a role model...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forget everything you thought you knew and prepare to desend into the insanity of my fanon

“Wait wait wait, you’re  _ dying _ ?” Steve asked, sitting up straight enough to disrupt the blanket fort. As Peggy had disclosed to Peter, she didn’t exactly trust any of them with things like chairs and tables. 

“Yes, slowly and from dementia, keep up,” She said, snapping her fingers at the soldier. “That's not the real thing I needed to talk to you about,” She said. “First, I need you to put  _ every. Single. Weapon.  _ In a pile, right there,” She said. No one moved. 

“Is that really necessary-” Steve said. She took out her pistol, shooting at the concrete, making them all jump. 

“I don’t remember asking,” She said, cocking the gun. They fairly quickly emptied the weapons. She turned the gun towards Nat and Clint. “All of them,” 

“I did-” Natasha pulled a gun out of Clint's waistband. “Oh really, well in that case-” Which led to several more guns and various other weapons being exposed and thrown into the pile at an alarming rate. 

“Is that really it?” She asked. 

“Natasha has poisonous lipstick, but unless you kiss her you should be fine,” Clint said.

“Oh, I have poisonous fangs, I don’t know if that counts, but I tried to just rip them out and it didn’t work,” Peter piped up. 

“We so don’t have time to unpack all of that,” MJ said. 

“I’m not counting anything that has to do with Peter, he doesn't seem competent enough to realise that he should be using them against you,” Peggy said. “I have FRIDAY recording this, so please do not interrupt me or else you will have to listen to your own voice back while I say this, alright?” 

“What do you-” Tony started. 

“I’m starting,” She said over Tony. To everyone's surprise, Tony shut up. Peggy sat on a stool up front and leaned forward, grinning at them. “I am 98 years old, I have dementia, and the doctors do not think I will make it to 100, I have several things to tell you. Number one, which you already seem to know, Steve’s father is actually howard. What you don’t know is that I actually had four children. Using Howard technology I dropped them off in completely different places in the world on different timelines, making the actual oldest younger then the current oldest, make sense?” She asked. 

“Wha-” 

“ _ There are _ three of those four children in this room right now because you are  _ all _ idiots and decided to find each other for some unfathomable reason. I must admit I am awfully happy that the couples paired up the way they did. I have not shared this information with anyone, the only people who may know are Tony and anyone who may have found the mandatory DNA tests he does, or who he may have shared the information with,” She said. 

“But who-” 

“Easiest first, Tony, I have no clue who your mom was but she showed up like, four months after you were born. I didn’t like babies so I dropped you with Howard and moved on, but decided to stay in your life to monitor Howards actions,” She said. 

“Hm, I could see it,” Nat said. Tony shrugged, leaning back. 

“Both of my parents cheated, I was just hoping it was my mom not my dad,” Tony said. “Fucking asshole.” 

“Tony, language,” Peggy said. “Anyway, Tony was born first. I, however, did not learn my lesson. I had another kid with Howard at the same time, no clue where he is now, I did not mess with time for him, instead just leaving him in a group home,” She said. 

“Wait so there’s another Tony flouting out there somewhere?” Steve asked. “Wouldn’t we have heard of him?” 

“This child did not display the same advanced knowledge for academia as Tony at two weeks old, as they were not identical twins, so Howard took an interest in him. Anyways, while Steve is the child of his mother and Howard, I had a child with Steve’s ‘father’ before he died, two years before Steve was born, that’s Bruce. And I had a red head I dropped somewhere in Russia. Unfortunately the orphanage that took her happened to be affiliated with Hydra, which is where Natasha comes in.” She said. “I think that’s about it. You can cut the tape Friday, thank you,” 

“It is always a pleasure to have you here Ma’am,” Friday said. 

“Okay she is never that nice to any of us,” Bucky said. 

_ “That was your takeaway?” _ Steve said, after staring at a wall for a good amount of time. 

“What, none of it affected  _ me _ so…” He said, shrugging. 

“Natasha is… broken,” Clint said, poking his wife, who batted away his hand. 

“She looks just fine to me,” Tony said. 

“Do you not see the thing she’s doing?” He asked. “I mean, look at her, she’s all… ew, I don’t like it. Can we go back? Please? Unbreak her,” 

“Bruce… you doing okay?” Sam asked, looking at their friend, slightly worried about a code green. 

“I… have some calls to make,” He said, shaking his head. 

“He’s fine,” Tony said. “He does this every now and then,” 

“So, Agent Carter, do you have any idea where that other child may be?” Pepper asked, sitting elegantly with her legs to one side. “Because, you know, the press and everything,” 

“Oh yes, well I dropped it off somewhere in New York, and the timelines didn’t alter, so he would be Tonys age,” Peggy said. “And act like, most likely, all the worst parts of Howard, or Tony, and the worst parts of me,” 

Peter shot up suddenly. “Did you name the kid?” 

“Well yeah, but there is no guarantee he still goes by the name, and I had no input on the last-” Peggy started. 

“Was it, by any chance, Wade?” Peter asked. 

“I donno, sounds familiar,” She said. “I mean… maybe. I probably wrote it down somewhere,” 

“You don’t... _ remember _ …” Steve asked, putting his face in his hands. 

“Well there were a lot, it was kinda a blur,” She said, shrugging. “Between that and time travel, I donno,”

“Cuz we have a Wade living in our basement with the creepy clown people and my rabbits, and he’s actually insane,” Peter said, shrugging. 

“For crying out loud, why don’t we just do a blood test?” Pepper said. 

“Oh, yeah Wade’s yours,” Tony said, looking up from his phone. “That’s why he’s not here. I didn’t think you were ready for that,” 

“I know you don’t mean me,” Peggy said, crossing her frail arms.

“Of course not, I meant Bruce,” Tony said, nodding to the man, who was sitting in the corner with his knees to his face. “I mean, really, one time we tried to watch Possession and he had to leave the room, it was to stressful,” 

“Is that a Hulk thing?” Bucky asked, peering at the broken scientist. 

“No, that’s just how Bruce is,” Tony said, shoving Bruce's knee. Bruce just tipped over, his face squashing into the window. 

“I can’t believe that we didn’t figure out they were siblings before now,” Bucky said. Bruce bobbed his head. 

“Yes, their bickering is not unlike that of which we see on Asgard, in fact they remind me much of the fights me and Loki have between ourselves,” Thor said with a smile. Loki threw his shoe at him. “Ah siblings,” 

“Alright, let's make this simpler, if you are 100% sure you have no relation to anyone in this room then go out into the room next door,” Peggy said, raising her voice. Thor, Bucky, Loki, Pepper, Wanda, Vision, Clint, MJ, and Peter, turned to leave. 

Tony reached out, hooking his hand around the hood of Peter's hoodie, almost making him slam into the wall. “Not… so fast.” 

“Great,” 

\---

“MJ, may I have a word with you out in the hall?” Sam asked, putting a hand on MJ’s back in a way that did not feel like she had much choice in the matter. 

“No- ouch, that hurt, alright, fine, whatever,” She said, stumbling into the hall. “Geeze, what could you possibly need-” 

“I triaged your hand, remember?” Sam said, uncomfortably intense now that they were alone, making her squirm. “I wrapped it in the makeshift cast, I saw your hand,” 

“What are you talking about?” She asked, subconsciously tucking her hands into her (Peters) hoodie pocket, leaning away. 

“Ever heard of Russell's Sign?” He asked, leaning on the wall. 

“What are you talking about? Is this about me flipping you off because-” She said. Sam sighed, grabbing her lower hand and holding it up between them. 

“This, see that wear on the knuckles there? It’s called Russell’s Sign, you know how I know that?” Sam asked, gripping her wrist tighter. 

“Let me guess, weird sex thing?” She asked. His face didn’t change. “No? Yes but you can’t tell me? Maybe? We’ll settle on a maybe,” 

“It’s one of the tell tale signs of repeated self induced vomiting Michelle,” Sam said. He pointed to one of the blemishes on her hand. “It is caused by the friction of repeated contact with the throat,” Sam said. “And don’t think I haven’t noticed that you have  _ dropped _ weight since you came here. Even Peter gained some when Tony took him in. Now he’s up to 3.8% body fat.” 

“Your point being,” She said, yanking on her arm. Sam let go and she crossed it protectively over her chest. 

“My point is I am about to call Clint out here and you are going to explain to him what I saw, understood?” Sam asked, reaching for the doorknob. 

“Whoa whoa whoa, read the room, there must be a pact about major emotional crises and such,” She said. Sam just gave her a look. 

“You are telling your father. I don’t have to be obviously standing here if it would make you more comfortable,” He said, leaning back on the wall. 

“No!” She said too quickly. Sam raised an eyebrow. “I mean… er, if I have to tell him, um, can’t I just… tell everyone. All at once? In the same room? That’d be easier right? So they don’t just find out one by one?” 

“No one but you, me, and your parents need to or have a right to know about any form of self destructive behavior, the rest of the team is just… awfully open,” Sam said. “There is no reason for you to tell anyone there but Clint, why don’t you two just have a one on one chat and then we can-” 

“No one on one,” she said. 

“Michelle is there something you think you should tell me?” He asked. 

“Yes, that I am about to be very stupid and impulsive,” She said. Sam opened his mouth, but before he could get a word in edgewise, she swung the door wide, sticking her head in. 

“Hey! Just a heads up I make myself throw up whatever I eat! All the time! It's not a coping mechanism I just really want to be skinny! And dead!” She yelled, before slamming the door shut again, blocking out the noise on the other side. 

“...Michelle,” 

“What the fuck did I just do…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love (lovelovelovelove) Zendeya, but she is so thin she scares me. Not to say she isn't healthy, I'm sure she is, some people are lucky and are just built that way, but that was the inspiration for MJ.


	49. Thor is sweetheart. Natasha is scary.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mean did anything change?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luv ya'lls

“Shit shit shit shit shit,” MJ said, pacing. Thor had been sent after her, sitting cross legged on the roof. “What did I do? Why did I do that? What is wrong with me?” 

“Why, nothing is wrong with you tiny Midgardian, there is no need to fret,” Thor said, tilting his head. “And yet you seem distressed.”

“Well  _ yeah _ Thor, I am. I screwed this all up didn’t I?” She said, sitting down next to him, only to get up and pace. “They’re already so pissed at me for hurting my wrist and… oh no. Thor they’re gonna kick me out,” she said. “What am I gonna go?”

“I do not understand why your parents would shun you over something so small,” Thor said. 

“They adopted me at the blink of an eye, they can drop me just as fast. I mean, Clint has some kind of ideal TV family, and as soon as I don’t fit that I’ll lose  _ all of this _ . Everyone.” She sat down again, defeated. 

“Michelle, you will never lose me, nor will the agents shun you,” Thor said. “I still don’t understand the problem,” 

“I told them I threw up,” MJ said. 

“So?” Thor said. “That is not your fault,” 

“No Thor, I want to throw up, I make myself,” She said, rubbing over the stupid mark on her hand that had given her away so easily. 

“That seems as if it would be less than present, I have never enjoyed being ill,” Thor said. 

“Neither do I,” MJ said, shrugging. 

“Then why do it any more than need be?” Thor asked. 

“Well… because I want to be skinny,” she said with a shrug. It was true, she did, and she wasn’t naive enough to think that she was now. It was just a hard truth. 

“But you  _ are _ skinny. You are so skinny I often refrain from displaying my affection towards you, for fear of injury,” Thor said. She laughed a little. “But even if you weren't, why would you let that trouble your mind?” 

“Well, I want to be pretty,” She said with a shrug. 

“Want to? Ms. Johns, you are the most beautiful child I have ever seen! And why would your shape ever be a factor? Your face alone is enough to stun the words from a speaker's mouth,” Thor declared loudly. 

“Well thank you Thor, but not everybody believes that,” MJ said with a sad sigh. “Some people just love to talk don’t they?” 

“Who are these people? Bring them to me and I will run them through with my hammer,” He said, all but leaping to his feet. 

“Thor, they are everywhere,” She whispered. “No matter where I go or what I wear, I hear them. They whisper about me, and school is the worst. I have never been so happy for a place,” she said. 

After a moment of careful consideration, Thor threw a tree trunk of an arm around her shoulders, almost crushing her. “I will slay each and every one of those who have said these things to you,” He swore.

“Thank you Thor,” She said. “The world needs more people like you,” 

“I would not wish that on them, it would be very loud,” 

—-

“Clint? Buddy? Hello- I don’t think he can hear us,” Bucky said, after waving his hand in front of Clint's face for almost a minute. “Should I get the ice water or-” 

“Will you stop with that? We aren't using ice,” Sam said. Clint didn’t talk, didn’t move at all, he just sat there, staring at the wall. It was the stillest they had seen him, save missions. And even then usually he was rambling into an earpiece or something. 

“Someone still needs to tell Natasha,” Bucky said. 

“You want to go into that room? Friday wouldn’t let  _ Thor _ in for his own safety, and she let him drink lysol,” He said. 

“Can Friday tell them?” Bucky asked. 

“Do you think that would be constructive?” Sam asked. 

“Well maybe more constructive then just waiting for the master assassin to finish processing and go off to murder people,” Bucky said. 

“You know what, I’m just gonna… leave him here. And I’ll make sure Thor found Michelle alright, and then I am going to come back and see if he can talk yet,” Sam said, running a hand over his head. “Do  _ not _ make this worse,” 

“How would I make it worse than this exactly?” Bucky asked. 

“I don’t know, all I know is you are not exactly a pro at deescalating anything. Ever,” Sam said. “So just… don’t make it worse,” 

\---

“Alright- who let Wade in here,” Tony said, turning to see the man in question sprawled across the floor. 

“I let myself in,” Wade said. 

“Alright that’s… I don’t really care, just don’t be too loud alright?” Tony said, clapping his hands. “Well, I guess y'all know now,” 

“What the… how did we… this isn’t… possible,” Steve said. “Alright, let’s think logically.” 

He paused, staring out the window. 

“This logically doesn’t make sense.” 

“Good job Steve, gold star,” Natasha said from the corner. 

“I still don’t understand why I’m in here,” Peter said. 

“I’ll explain that later, just don’t die while we talk,” Tony said, patting Peter's shoulder. 

“Do I hafta?” He asked. 

His question was met with a pillow to the face. 

“Fine, I’ll live,” 

“I think Bruce is broken,” Natasha piped up. 

“You know Natasha, you seem to be taking this all in stride,” Tony said, leaning against the wall. “Why?” 

“I’m storing it,” She said with a shrug. “Like a mission, and I will let all of my anger at you four for being related to me seep out a little bit at a time every time I assassinate another person, until I get back to numb again,” 

“At least she has a plan,” Tony said, shrugging. 

They continued talking loudly for a moment before Peter shushed them. 

“Mr. Rogers, can you hear what is happening in the other room too?” Peter asked, tilting his head.

“I- can sorta… why?” Steve asked. 

The two of them stared at the wall for a second, listening. 

“Holy shit,” 

“What? What’s going on?” Natasha said. 

“Is it a-” 

Peter covered Wade’s mouth before he could finish. 

“What do you hear?” Natasha said quietly, urging them with the same voice they used on missions. Or she used and they tried to copy. Same difference. 

“Sam and MJ are talking…” Peter said quietly. He heard MJ raise her voice, wincing at the volume, although he doubted anyone normal could hear her at all. 

“She’s  _ bulimic _ ?” Steve said loudly. 

“Uh oh,”

\---

“Thor your phone is buzzing,” MJ said, looking at the device vibrating on the concrete. “They probably want to make sure I’m not jumping off the room or something,” 

“What does it do when it buzzes?” Thor asked. “I have been trying to find reason for it but I seem to have drawn a blank,” 

“You don’t know how your phone works?” MJ said, raising an eyebrow. “No one taught you?” 

“Well my friend Banner has tried many a time, but he seems to have deemed me unteachable,” Thor said, shrugging his shoulders. “But I pay it no mind, it is no bother to my life,” 

“You disturb me,” She said, picking up the phone in her non-injured hand. “Here, swipe like this,” 

She showed Thor and he answered his phone, holding it upside down to his ear. “Hello!” 

“Thor,” She could barely make out Sam's voice, but Thor nodded solemnly, his eyes widening. 

“I will ensure she is safe,” He said. “No of course I do not have my hammer,” 

“You have your hammer,” She pointed out.

“Yes but I am practicing my lying. Do you think I am getting better?” He asked. “Oh wait, right, yes she will be safe. No we won’t. Alright,”

He set the phone down and she ended the call for him. “What was that all about?” 

“Steve told your mother,” Thor said. “Sam wishes me to insure your safety,” 

“Great. I’m dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love all of you!! Also, if you have ideas about what to write on a protest sign, let me know!!!


	50. Cannonball, bitch.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha is murder-y and Peter is scary and what the hell Wade...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!

“Friday,” Natasha’s voice was flat and her eyes were cold. “Open the door.” 

“I am sorry Ma’am, I am not permitted to open the door. Peggy Carter has programmed this door to remain locked for as long as it takes for everyone to come completely to terms with their relation to each other, and Mr. Banner is still panicking on the floor,” Friday said. 

“Let’s just break the wall,” Peter said, shrugging. Tony sighed, pinching the bridge on his nose. “One of us can probably punch through it,” 

“The wall is vibranium Peter. Almost two feet of it,” He said. 

“Where did you get that much Vibranium?” Steve asked. 

“You know Carbon Dioxide?” Tony asked. 

“Nevermind, I really don’t want to know anymore,” Steve said. 

“You can break Vibranium, can’t you?” Peter asked, tilting his head to the side confused. “I mean, I did before,” 

“That was one small sheet in a room, I’m sure you couldn’t-” Steve started. 

_ “Cannonball!” _ He yelled, pushing hard off the ceiling, and crashing through the drywall and metal hard, slamming it with his palm and rolling out the other side. “There you go, sorry the hole’s so small.” 

“Thank you,” Natasha said, eerily calm, and climbed out, beelining it for the corner Clint was standing in. They made eye contact for three seconds, before both switching from panicked expressions to complete calm. Clint grabbed a gun from a drawer and they left before Sam could stop them. 

“Those two scare me,” Steve remarked. 

“Do I- do you need me to come back in?” Peter asked, dusting himself off. Tony nodded, waving him in. Peter nodded, climbing back in. 

“Is there anything you can’t break?” Steve asked, intertwining his hands. 

“Yes!” Peter said. “One time we were playing with Graphene in class, and instead of being able to crush it with my hand, it stabbed my hand!” Peter said. “They didn’t really care though, so we just went on with the lesson. I don’t know if it was bigger though,” 

“You stress me out kid,” Tony said, ruffling his hair. Peter apologised as pieces of drywall tumbled out. “I wanna run some tests once we fix Bruce,”

“Alright,” Peter said, nodding his head. 

“Are we not going to address why Peter is in here?” Steve asked, running a hand through his own hair.

“Yeah I’m still confused,” Peter said. “I mean, I’m always confused, but now even more so.” 

“I’ll just draw a family tree on the wall,” Tony said. “It would be easier,” 

“It would be easier if you were just straight with us Tony,” Steve said. 

“Mr. Rogers, you really want to talk about being straight right now?” Peter said under his breath, although still loud enough for everyone to hear. 

“I don’t know how I’m related to this spider, but he is my favorite family member,” Wade said, pointing at Peter. 

“Speaking of… well you,” Peter said. “What have you been doing? I don’t like it when you’re quiet,” 

“I’ve been making pillow models of all of us,” Wade said, taking a stray blanket off of the lumps, revealing the five siblings trying to murder each other, identified by the names scribbled on them with sharpies, while a mini panda pillow pet with Peters name on a stickynote sat above, watching them. “Look how happy,” 

“How come I don’t get to die?” Peter asked, crossing his arms. “I wanna die,” 

_ “Peter-”  _

“Whoops,” Peter said, jumping on the ceiling. “Didn’t mean to say that!”

“Get down from there or  _ so help me _ I will ground your spiderass for the rest of the century!” 

\---

“Hello Thor, may we have a moment with our daughter,” Natasha asked sweetly. Thor stood up, startled, and grabbed  Mjölnir , standing up. 

“The Son of Will told me to not allow you unless you seem calm enough,” Thor said, skeptically. 

“I dunno, I feel calm,” Clint said. “Natasha, you feel calm?” He said. Natasha didn’t react. “See, Natasha feels calm! Everyone is calm, and we are all fine,” 

“I suppose you do not seem, incredibly riled up… do you swear to not harm her?” 

“The point is to keep her safe Thor,” Natasha said. “Why would we hurt her,”

“I guess,” Thor said. “Fair well, Michelle Jones,” 

“Bye Thor,” She said, rubbing the indents from the concrete out of her hands, before putting them back. She was sitting cross legged at the very edge of the roof, leaning forward. She wasn’t worried, Tony had undoubtedly done something creepy to keep them safe. 

“Michelle,” Natasha said, sitting down next to her in a hunter's crouch, one finger steadying her from tipping off the roof. She looked away, staring at the skyline. It was kinda pretty, although she was used to it. Still, it might be fun to paint. Maybe with some fire… 

“MJ?” Clint said from behind her. She tensed. Suddenly sitting so close to the edge seems dangerous. She didn’t like it. She was trying to figure out how to get back without being too transparent, when Clint sat down next to her. 

So she was trapped. Scanning her gaze across the roof, she tried to find an easy way out. “Scoot away from the edge, you’re gonna fall if you aren't careful,” 

“I dunno, seems like a good way to go,” She said, shrugging. 

_ “MJ!” _ Clint said, his arm already in front of her, pushing her further back. 

“What? It’s what Gwen did, and I bet you she’s happier now then she was at home,” She said. “Or at least that seems to be what everyone else seems so insistent on shoving down my throat.” 

“Really, you want to use that analogy right now?” Natasha said. She blushed, looking down. That was fair, she’d set her up for that one.

“Sorry…” She said. She couldn’t see Natasha anymore, she was assuming she’d moved behind her, but Clint’s face fell as he tilted his head to the side. “What? I said sorry,” 

“Alright, lets make everything perfectly clear,” Natasha’s voice said from behind her. “Rule number one, you don’t get to be alone after meals for at least three hours,” 

“Wait-  _ three,  _ that’s not-” 

“Don’t even think about saying that I’m not being fair, you’re lucky I’m not giving you eight,” 

“But… fine, whatever,” She said. 

“Rule number two, you need to let us check who you follow online, we don’t want you following any groups encouraging this,” Natasha said. “We don’t care about how embarrassing their content is, but it can’t be any kind of pro-ana stuff, got it?”

“Fine,” she said, pouting. 

“ And consider your life effectively over, good? Good. Does anyone else know?” Natasha asked. 

“Peter knows I used to, I told him I stopped when I was fourteen,” She said, rubbing her neck. “It doesn't matter now, he’ll have heard this,” 

“H- wait how would he have…” Clint asked. 

“His hearing? He can hear everything that happens in the tower,” She said. “Nevermind,” 

“Okay,” Natasha said. Suddenly she wasn’t behind her anymore, but instead with her shoulder just behind her own, a hand around her back. “MJ we need you to-” 

“Can we just… skip that part?” MJ said. “I get it, I know what you are gonna say, just skip to the part where you tell me that it’s too much and let me go, alright?”

“Let you go- did you miss the part where you said that your life was effectively over?” Natasha asked. 

“What do you mean Michelle?” Clint asked. She didn’t know when they’d moved, but now he was sitting directly in front of her and Natasha had an arm around her shoulders. She shook her head, aggressively smoothing her hair out of her face. 

“The part where you bullshit me, and come up with stupid rules, and make promises that things will be  _ better _ , and then, two weeks later, you come up with some dumbass reason I need to stay somewhere else for just a minute, and then toss me in the streets,” She said. “Just let me grab my stuff and go.”

“Whoa whoa whoa, sit yourself back down,” Natasha said, tugging down hard on her shoulder to keep her seated, making her bang her arm hard on the ground. 

“How could you possibly think that throwing you out would even cross our minds?” Clint said, and she scooted away slightly, just from the sheer intensity of his voice. “It dosn’t matter what you fuck up, you’re stuck with us, understood?” He said. 

“Alright, fine, we’re doing the thing, fine, I get it, I get it,” She said. “Let’s do the thing and get it over with,” 

“No, no no, MJ, we are not getting over anything, you understand? This isn’t something that we are just skipping past, like everyone else in the tower does, this isn’t like Bucky and the hello kitty thing,” She said. 

“And besides, we don’t skip things for children anyway,” Clint said. “I mean, Tony, Wade, sure, skip right past them,” 

“Wait, didn’t we just find out they’re twins or something?” Natasha said. 

“Yeah and you are there half sister,” Clint said. “Just don’t think about it,” 

“But the point is, we aren't going to… get tired, or give up or something, that’s not how this is gonna work. How could you possibly think that was how this is gonna work?” 

“Well you were so fast to let me in, usually that is the same reversed to,” MJ said. “You make attachments quick and let go of them quicker,” 

“Guess we’re just gonna have to prove her wrong, huh Nat?” Clint said. 

“I guess so,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!! (((I'm depressed))) HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!!!


	51. We gonna have a chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And. I OOP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did still technicly finish this on the 7th

“Alright, I wrote everything we need to talk about to get out of here on the wall,” Tony said, pointing to the drywall he’s been writing on with a sharpie. 

“Can we not just go through the hole Peter made?” Steve asked. “It looks big enough,” 

“Well we could if Peggy wasn’t soldering it back on while we were debating the logistics of Peter having fangs,” Tony said. 

“I maintain that they do not, in fact, make any form of sense,” Bruce said. 

“Oh great, it’s verbal again,” Tony said. “Okay, this is a map of everything we have been avoiding in the last three weeks,” 

“Got it,” Steve said. “Should we just start from the top?” 

“Seems best,” Tony said. “Alright, number one, the fact that Peter has had at least four near death experiences within the month,” 

“A new record,” Peter said from the ceiling, “I should text Ned,” 

“Just to clarify for all of you, he means a record low,” Tony said. “Oh wait, let's first talk about how he hid the fact that he had cancer his whole life before the spider bite,” 

“I don’t know how this is suddenly about me now,” Peter grumbled, dropping down to sit with them. 

“Because you’re the only one of us here I would like to see continue to live, now start talking,” 

\---

Natasha sat down on the edge of her bed, running her hands through her hair before pulling it half back, sighing. Clint was with MJ, watching her from her laundry hamper most likely. He swore it was a circus thing. She stared down for a minute, shaking her head. 

“Mrs. Romanov, I am sorry to mention it, but Peggy Carter has requested you to return to the room that the discussion was previously held in. Should you not believe that to be in everyone's best interest I will inform her, if you so please,” Friday said.

“No, I’m fine,” she said. “Tell them I’ll be up in a minute,” 

“As you wish,” She said. Natasha didn’t even have time to stand up before a red flash alerted her to Vision, standing suddenly in the middle of the room. 

“Hi Vision,” She said, shaking her head. 

“Hello Ma’am. Friday has just informed me that you are planning on rejoining your siblings upstairs,” He said. 

“Your point?” She asked, her face slipping easily into the controlled mask she’d been wearing all day. It would be hard to mask her crying, but not impossible. It would have been so much easier if they didn’t know her. 

“I wanted to insure you thought that was the best idea,” He said.

“Vision, just go report back to whoever asked you to check on me that I am fine, and I didn’t try to murder you,” She said, shaking out her hands as she stood back up. 

“I was not sent by anyone,” Vision said. “Although Wanda was concerned about my sudden appearance in your room,” 

“Alright, you just go, I’ll be right there,” She said.

“As you wish,” He said, before blinking away. She let out a heavy sigh, walking into the bathroom to splash water on her face, thankful for her lack of makeup that day, and to shake out her hair, before grabbing a cup of water and Clint's hoodie (off the floor) and making her way up. 

She didn’t even bother knocking, just twisted the door handle, ignoring everyone else. As expected Friday allowed her in. She figured Friday wouldn’t want to  _ stop _ her from addressing anything that’d happened. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Steve asked, standing up. She pulled her hair out from the bun and shook it in her face, cursing. She should have done that before. 

“Fine. What were you talking about?” She asked, taking a sip of her water. She didn’t feel fine, obviously, but she also knew that, when it came to emotional intelligence, they had about four brain cells. If she was lucky they’d take the easy out. 

“Alright, based on current events, you are going to move up from after Wade to before Steve but after Bruce, got it?” Tony said. She nodded. “Great, so right now we are explaining that medical negligence counts as abuse,” Tony said. 

“Yeah, isn’t that literally defined on CPS’s website?” She said. 

“Why do you know what’s on CPS’s website? Are you plotting or something?” Wade asked. 

“I know things. And what are you doing to the pillow version of me?” She asked. Wade threw it across the room. 

“Nothing,” He said, looking guilty, although if anything Peter had told them held any kind of truth it was all faked for their benefit. 

“Alright, so Peter,” Steve said. “If someone refuses a child medical care, how would that make you feel,” 

“Well, I uh, I guess I’d be upset,” Peter said. “I donno, I’d ask Mr. Stark to help them I guess, and I’d probably do something to the person,” 

“So can you understand how it makes  _ us _ angry when you tell us that Ben didn’t want to let you keep being treated?” Steve asked. 

“Well that was different,” Peter said, “A lot of the time he was a good guy,” 

“But not all of the time, and that’s the problem,” Tony said. 

“I mean, he did his best. He always felt really really bad after he got in a fight with me, he told me that it was hard for him to think of me as a person,” Peter said. “Something about May… I dunno, but I made him angry,” 

“Oh. Oh no,” Tony said. 

“Care to share with the class?” Natasha said. 

“Alright, I might actually be able to explain that one,” Tony said. “So you know how your parents died and you were raised by your aunt and uncle?” 

“Yes.” Peter said. “Why?” 

“Alright, well jarvis had just died and-” 

\---

“MJ, I need to talk with you,” Clint said. She’d been pretending to sleep for almost a hour at this point and he couldn’t take the thoughts that’d been nagging him this time. 

“You do?” She asked, sitting bolt upright. Her voice was much higher than normal. 

“I do,” Clint said. “Why have you been acting so afraid of me? This whole time, you do everything it takes to insure you aren't left alone with me, and you flinch when I raise my voice,” 

“I just, I donno,” She said, after a beat. “I know you aren't my other dad, but you… it’s just… I keep waiting for you to snap and you never do and it freaks me out,” She said with a shrug. He got out of his chair, moving to sit on her bed instead. 

“And what do you think me snapping would look like?” He asked. She shrugged, barely perceivable in the darkness. 

“I donno, Josh, my biological father, you know what he did when I left,” She said. “He’d never done that persay, but he was always black out drunk, and like, he had creepy guys over there all the time, I donno, it was just really bad. Anytime I did anything he’d punish me, but I kept doing it, just to force him to think about me. I keep thinking that one day all of this, this perfect idea, is just gonna break and I-” Against her will, her throat closed, choking on tears. 

Without saying anything Clint leaned forward, very slowly and obviously, making her smile a tiny bit, before wrapping his arms around her shoulders. They sat like that for a long time before he broke the silence. “You know I was in the system growing up?”

“You where?” she asked. 

“Why do you think I am so obsessed about having the perfect family?” He asked, with a half smile. “Hardly spent any time in the actual foster homes, I was to much of a trouble maker, but I saw a lot of kids who did, and they were never the same after a bad home,” 

“They went?” She asked. 

“Nope. Skittish and scared. At the time I didn’t really get it, but I had some shit happen to me when I got older, and I started to understand.” He said. “I grew up and met Natasha, and I always thought that I would be one of those guys who’d pick up the crazy kids, you know?” He said. She nodded. “I have known so many men like Josh in my life, now I have the privilege of putting arrows through their eyes, or in Josh’s case, something more extreme,” 

“You never did tell me what you did to him,” She remarked. 

“Not for young ears. But the point is, I know that road, and I’ve seen people I love turn into those people, and I can promise you, 100%, that you are never going to have to deal with someone like that as long as I am alive, you got it?” 

“Yeah,” She said with a whisper. “Thanks,” 

“You’re welcome. Now go to sleep or I swear I will drug you,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you for reading this. Thank you. Also, ya'll so beautiful and sweet, life for real. Love ya


	52. damn...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHAT BITCHES? WE FIND OUT ABOUT PETER IN THIS CHAPTER!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll like my new profile pic?

“And so then because Ben couldn’t have kids, May tried to give you to her sister, but I guess that kind of thing is pretty hard to hide. Anyway, then I found you on youtube, and now we’re here,” Tony said. “Okay, moving on,” 

“Wait…” Natasha said. 

“Are we all related?” Steve asked. “Am I going to wake up one day and find out my husband is my brother to or…” 

“When did you and Bucky get married?” Natasha asked. 

“Um, I was trying to avoid talking to Tony so I found this online website…” Steve said. 

“I give up. I give up. I will never understand what is happening and everything is chaos,” Bruce said. 

“So you are Peters … father?” Wade said. “I mean, I can’t blame you, what with May and all, but damn, that’s a-” Peter dropped from the ceiling, covering Wades mouth before he could continue speaking. 

“Peter, how do you feel about this?” Steve asked. 

“Eh,” He said, shrugging. “This way I didn’t kill my parents, aside from May, and I am related to all my favorite people!” 

“Thats… I can’t tell if it hasn’t sunk in yet or if he’s actually okay with this,” Bruce said. 

“Better not to question it and just keep going,” Steve said.

“Right. So Bruce,” Tony said. “Why can’t you hold a conversation with anyone you find remotely attractive?” 

“Because… it’s… I just can’t?” Bruce said, more than slightly helpless. 

“Oh great, when I need him to shut up I’m gonna need to make Wanda take off her shirt now.” Natasha said. “It won’t work with me,” 

“That reminds me, does this mean that Peter and MJ are related, because that’s creepy,” Steve said. 

“Or-” Peter replaced his hand over Wade's mouth. 

“No, because MJ is like, his adopted cosine, which isn’t… great, but they aren't really related. So it isn’t… I mean it doesn't seem too bad,” Tony said. 

“I have definitely slept with people closer in relation to me. Or I thought I did,” Wade said. Peter held his hand, which was now bleeding. 

“I hate you, you know that right?” Peter said. 

“Have you learned nothing from Steve? Respect your elders, spiderbaby,” Wade said. Peter kicked him in the face, which, due to super strength, made a much bigger dent then it should have. “Ow,”

“Peter!” Steve yelled. “Don’t… kick in your uncle's face…” 

“Oh come on, he deserved it,” Peter said. 

“I mean he’s not wrong…” 

\---

“So, you knew Howard,” Bucky said, sitting down next to Peggy, who was casually sipping tea while watching the exit with a gun. “Back in the day?” 

“Yes, I guess I did,” She said. “He was a… man of many talents,” 

“Ew,” Bucky said. “And Howard is Steve’s father…” 

“Well, yes,” She said, re-crossing her legs. “He and I lead similar lifestyles, although he was much more open about his. It was not exactly smiled upon for women back then.” 

“I have questions,” Bucky said. “Did Howard always fall asleep at a certain time?” 

“No, in fact he had the least regular sleep schedule of anyone I knew,” she said. “Tony seems to have inherited that, unfortunately,” 

“Alright, that must have been his mom's side. Did Howard have a strong desire to, er, fight everything that breathed?” 

“No but he did other things to everything that breathed, if that helps,” 

“Ew…” 

\---

MJ was actually close to falling asleep, having finally come to terms with the fact that her father was going to sleep with his bow next to her bed, when she heard her name. 

“Psst! MJ!” Peter whispered yelled from her ceiling. She jumped, covering her mouth. “Shh,” 

“Peter what are you doing?” She whispered back. “Clint’s gonna put an arrow through your head!”

“Not if I’m quiet,” He said. 

“Have you ever been quiet before?” she said. 

“I can be quiet!” He said, louder. 

“Okay okay, just hush,” She said. “What are you doing here? Aren't you locked in that room?” 

“They let me out to get food,” Peter said. 

“Okay, why are you here?” She asked, rubbing her face. She didn’t even want to think about how she looked right now. 

“I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Peter said. “I could… hear what you told them. That’s why Nat came out,” 

“I’m… fine,” She said. He raised an eyebrow, trying to look skeptical. To be honest, it just makes him look more like a demon. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, you don’t need to worry,” She said. “Go get the food, they’ll be worried,” 

“...fine,” He said. “You sure you’re okay?” 

“I’m fine,” she said. “You know most guys just text,” 

“Well why would I do that when I can crawl on walls though?” Peter said. She raised her pillow threateningly, and he scuttled out. 

She risked a glance at her father, who was still snoring on his bow, and pulled the blanket tighter around herself. She was only half percent sure that Clint was really asleep, but she’d let him fake it for her. She really didn’t want to deal with one more emotional conversation today. 

She was almost asleep again when her door creaked open slowly, making her sit up. She didn’t really think someone could kill her without waking up Clint, but you never know. Instead of seeming a murderer (unfortunately) She was met with the giant eyes of a Lab. 

She stared at the dog for a second, completely baffled, before remembering what Clint had said about the dog before. “Hey, are you Lucky?” 

The dog whimpered, swiping it’s large paw at her, before whimpering louder, presumably from pulling at the large injury on his side. “Shh shh shh, you’re gonna wake up my dad,” 

Lucky pawed at the bed again. “Do you want to get up?” 

Lucky pawed one more time, and she swung the covers off of her, leaning forward. “I’m gonna hafta pick you up, huh,” 

Lucky leaned forward, licking her entire face. “Alright, hold still,” she hoisted the dog up onto her bed, apologizing when he whimpered. Once he was there, she slipped in next to him, pulling the covers back over herself. The dog wiggled, wagging his tail and licking his shoulder. 

“I guess you can stay, you seem pretty sweet,” 

He whimpered, resting his head on her shoulder. “We’ll have to address the drolling though,” 

\---

“Did you get the food?” Steve asked. Peter nodded, handing over the bags he’d grabbed. “What’s the mayonnaise for?”

“I need to ask Mr. Dr. Stange a question,” Peter said, grabbing an oreo from the package he’d taken. “This is the easiest way to get him here,” 

“What are you- ewewewewew why are you  _ eating it _ ?” Tony said. 

“If you do that again I will literally shoot you in the head,” Natasha said as Peter chewed. 

“I’ll help,” Wade offered. 

“Please do,” Peter said, swallowing. A moment later a portal opened next to them. 

“I sensed- Peter, did you replace the oreo fillings with mayo again? I told you to stop the- what’s happening here?” Strange said. 

“Hi Mr. Dr. Stange!” Peter said. “Peggy locked us in the vibranium room to make us talk about our issues,” He said. “But it backfired because I can break vibranium,” 

“You can  _ what _ ?” Strange asked. 

“And everyone in this room is related. Except for you, I guess,” Peter said. “Anyway, Peggy really got around, but I needed to ask you a question,” 

“Just ask it and let me leave,” Strange said. “I hate it here,” 

“Can you please tell Mr. Stark that he can’t ignore the fact that he had brain surgery tonight just because he wants to? Because I think that’s like, bad? But I dunno,” 

“Oh my- that’s it. Earth is canceled. No need to continue humans,” Strange said. “Tony you shouldn’t even be awake,” 

“I have always been told I am extraordinary when it comes to beds,” Tony quipped. Steve smacked him in his arm. “Ow, you hurt me,” 

“Oh go away,” Steve said. “Aren't you meant to be asleep, like Peter said?” 

“ _ Yes he is,”  _ Strange said loudly. 

“Whatever,” Tony said. “You just don’t want to address the fact that Bruce told us he’s tried to kill himself with a lightbulb before,” 

“I thought I might have caught the Hulk off guard,” Bruce said, shrugging. “I’ll get him one day,” 

“One… Bruce? Are you… okay?” Natasha said. 

“No.” 

“Oh… okay…” 

“Just don’t let him do that to the oreos again, alright?” Strange said. “I’m leaving,” 

“No… stay!” Peter said. Strange disappeared before he could finish. “It was worth a shot,” 

“Was it?” 

“Yeah you still had to eat that,” Wade said, his face already mostly healed. 

“Meh,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to patition for men to stop sending me dick pics on insta. I mean like, I say I'm 14 ON MY ACCOUNT... some things can't be unseen yall. Hope you liked it!!!


	53. They got what?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We call this: the author is a depressed potato and likes to emote. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got frustrated with my school and now I am running a group to discuss diversity on campus. How do I get into these things?

“Guys, I’m actually worried now, they’ve been in there for almost eight hours,” Clint said. He’d drug MJ and his dog both back into the room to wait for Natasha with him. “Should we send someone in to go check on them? Make sure everyone’s alive?” 

“Nah, your spouse is the most likely to make it out alive. Or at least not disemboweled,” Bucky said. “They’ll be fine,” 

“Are you not worried about  _ your  _ partners at all?” He asked. 

“Please dear lord let something take my husband out,” Pepper said, refilling her wine glass. “I’m not kidding, I want to see something take him out. Do you have any idea how much easier it would be if Peter was the head of SI?” 

“Don’t you… love him?” Clint asked. 

“Meh,” Pepper said. “I mean he’s really great in bed, so…” 

“Okay, ew,” MJ said, covering her ears. 

“Mrs. Potts, as humorous as I think you are, Peter Parker would like me to inform you that he thinks that is gross and he is going to try and jump out of a window that does not currently exist,” Friday said. 

“That sounds in character,” Pepper said. “Just keep the children alive,” 

“Of course ma’am,” Friday said. 

“You know you terrify me,” Bucky said from the sofa. She just completely ignored him in favor of continuing her conversation with Peggy, seemingly about Howard. 

“Hey dad, is Lucky okay?” MJ asked. They’d carried him with them, neither having the emotional reserve to deal with his whimpering at being left behind. 

“I… think so?” Clint said, kneeling down next to him. Before he could actually check on him, the dog was all over his face, licking him over and over until he had to pull him off. “I think he was just lonely,”

“What is that?” Sam asked, walking into the room and eyeling Lucky cautiously. “When did you get a dog?” 

“Like, two days ago,” Clint said. “He’s a lab! I think… but he looks like a lab,” Lucky barked on que, making both Clint and MJ giggle. Sam rolled his eyes, taking a step back. 

“If it gets fur on my clothes you’re dead Barton,” Bucky yelled from the sofa. 

“I can’t control his fur,” Clint shot back, taking a sip of the coffee carafe he’d grabbed. 

“I don’t believe you. Besides, it’s not my fault you adopt every scrappy animal that shows up at your door,” Bucky shot back. 

“I would like to take this moment to state I am very offended and emotionally scarred by that,” MJ said. Sam just sighed. “I mean, really, I think this counts as emotional abuse,” 

“I wish you would process the actual emotional abuse in your life,” Sam said, lying on his back on the sofa. 

“No one wants you here Sam!” Bucky yelled, throwing his water bottle at Sam's head. Sam didn’t even move. “Boo!” 

“I so wish your husband would rain you in,” Sam said. Bucky shrugged. “But I have given up hope.”

“Whatever, I bet the cool old british lady is on my side,” Bucky said, pointing at Peggy, who sipped her tea. “I’ve known her for like, seventy years longer then you have,” 

“I tend to not take sides when I see two small Betafish attempting to assert dominance over each other,” She said. “As long as Sam doesn't feel the need to metal in my business he can do whatever he wants,” 

“It’s not meteling, it’s trying to keep everyone in this tower from  _ killing themselves _ this week,” Sam said. 

“Potato tomato,” Bucky said, shrugging. 

“That’s… no!” 

\---

“Friday, can we please go now?” Wade whined. “I hate it here, and no ones said anything for the last hour and a half,” 

“It’s been twenty minutes Wade,” Natasha said from her corner. No one dared get close to her corner. 

“I was instructed to keep the door locked for another three hours, however I believe that we have passed the point of any productive conversation, so I will allow you out,” Friday said. “On the condition that some of the issues briefly mentioned in this room are revisited later,” 

“Yes!” Steve said. It wasn’t a moment later that the door opened, allowing them to scuttle out of the pillow lined hell hole. Tony stood up, stretching, and was about to join them when Peter pipped up from behind him. 

“Can I talk to you for a second?” He asked. Tony raised an eyebrow, but nodded, leaning on the wall. 

“Fire away kid,” He said. 

“Did you know about me?” Peter asked. “When I was born? I mean you said you were drunk but you also said you’ve been drunk for the last 18 years so…” He said, looking down. 

“Are you really asking if I acted like a asshole and abandoned you?” Tony asked. “Because the answer is no. I had no idea about you. Hell, I didn’t even know when I first met you. After I met Bruce and Steve and found out we were related, same with Nat, I started doing DNA tests on anyone I would have to see for long amounts of time,” He said. “I’d known you for too long at that point to bring it up without it being weird, and at the time you seemed happy with your aunt, or mom I guess… so I let sleeping dogs rest,” 

“So you really had no idea?” Peter asked, smiling a little. 

“Nope. Cried for the first time sense Jarvis died when I found out, I felt so bad about not being there for you,” Tony said. 

“How… Long ago did Jarvis die?” Peter asked. 

“Not important, anyway, you should go get some food or you’re gonna pass out,” Tony said. “And make sure you got all your homework turned in,” 

“Yeah yeah,” Peter said, waving at him as he walked out. “Thanks, for telling me,” 

“Of course,” Tony said. “Now go eat or I’m making Friday rat out your blood sugar, got it?” 

“Aye aye,” Peter said, disappearing. The moment he was gone Peggy was in the doorway. 

“Yes I told him,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. Peggy smirked at him. “No need to look so triumphant,” 

“I’m just happy you managed to work up your scraps of courage,” She said. After a moment she walked over to the wall he’s been writing on with a sharpie. “Should I be worried about this? I never like what comes of you drawing brains on drywall,”

“No! So I think, if this works, I found a cure for dementia,” 

“Great… I can live longer,” She said. 

“You know it’s no wonder all of your children turned out to be depressed,” Tony said. “It should only be a matter of scrapping out the excess of protein built up around the-” 

“Spare the science,” She said, raising a hand. “You know I would have said no a week ago,” 

“I know,” Tony said. “Listen, it may be a bit risky, and you’re going to be the first human, but you know me, I promise that I-” 

“Stop Anthony,” She said. Tony swore she was the only person that could cut him off like that. “Peter, he’s yours, right?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said. “But back to-” She didn’t let him finish, holding up her hand again. 

“I wouldn’t have said yes, but I have just absolutely zero faith in your ability to not completely ruin that child if you’re left to your own devices,” She said. “But I need you to swear to me, you are not to let me waist away, you understand? If I am not all here you put a bullet through my head and let me die, got it?”

“No wasting away, on it,” Tony said, grinning ear to ear. 

“Right then, now I expect a more formal introduction to everyone, because I don’t believe that I made the best impression on some of them.” She said. “I would rather like to know about that girl and her robot she got engaged to,” 

“They’re  _ engaged? _ ” 

“You really don’t pay attention, do you?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE HAD THREE HOURS OF SLEEP IN THE LAST FOUR DAYS AND I HATE EVERYTHING BUT HERE'S THE CHAPTER AND I LOVE PEGGY AND ALL OF YOU OKAY BUH BYE.


	54. Really? The vents? Again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! All therapy scenes are based on my experience helping my friends out/being an emotional mess and talking to myself in the mirror. So beware.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'allz love it!!

“Tony, you need to take a break, you’ve been working for hours and you look like death,” Bruce said, sitting down, “I mean, when was the last time you slept? Or ate?” He asked. Tony shrugged, not looking up from his microscope. “Alright, screw this,” 

Without any preamble, he grabbed the plug, yanking it out of the wall, making Tony startle. “Hey! Be careful, I don’t want you disturbing the slide!” 

“You’ve been zoned out for the last ten minutes, you haven't done anything,” Bruce said. “Friday’s been ratting your brain activity,” 

“I need to finish ths,” Tony said, grabbing at the end of the cord. “I’m trying to analyze the protein found in-” 

“Tony,” Bruce said. “Go to bed,” 

“I don’t need to sleep,” Tony said, crossing his arms. “I have coffee and alcohol.” 

“You know what’s really great?” Bruce asked, leaning on the counter. “You have three scary siblings and Steve, who has his disturbing eyebrows of disapproval,” 

“You don’t scare me,” Tony said, narrowing his eyes. “Cuz even if you’re the Hulk, I wanna die anyway, so hah,” 

“Well I can turn into the Hulk, or I could link your son to videos of you from 2011, when you-” 

“If Peter hasn’t seen those yet it is kinder to just get them over with,” Tony said. “Give me back my cord,” 

“Don’t make me call Nat and Wade,” He said. “Or Steve. I think he’s trying to make up for lost time or something, I don’t really know, but he was a weird sense of responsibility, and Nat isn’t above using force,” 

“What;s Wade gonna do then? Twerk me out of here?” Tony asked. 

“I dunno if  _ you _ like the smell of burning flesh but…” Bruce said, shrugging. “Go take a nap and come back in a hour or two, I promis that Peggy isn’t going to die in the two hours it would take for you to eat and sleep,” 

“Whatever, I don’t care, I have other microscopes,” Tony said, getting up. 

“Hey Nat!” 

\---

“Hey Peter, can you be manipulative for a second?” Natasha asked, stepping into his room without knocking. Peter blinked at her, tilting his head. 

“I guess… why?” He asked. 

“Tony is trying to cure rodent dementia and he won’t go to bed,” She said, leaning on his door frame. “And I  _ could _ knock him out, but it’d be so much faster if you batted your puppy dog eyes at him,” 

“I don’t have puppy dog eyes,” He said, pointing at her. She shook her head, smirking. “It’s for his own good?” 

“Yeah,” She said. “I wouldn’t be surprised at this point in sleep deprivation of he started hallucinating,”

“I donno, it seems a little mean,” Peter said. “I mean, he doesn't really want to sleep, so what’s the-” 

“He’s going to end up killing himself, Peter,” Natasha said. 

“Okay,” Peter said. “Only if you admit I don’t have puppy dog eyes,” 

“No, now let's go,” 

“Okay,” He said, grabbing his phone off the nightstand and following after her. “Is he in his lab?” 

“Yeah,” she said. “Somewhere in the back,” 

“Okay,” He said, nodding. She opened the door, allowing him in, and he instantly jumped on the ceiling. “I’m usually up here because I always bump into things on the ground, and usually there's all kinds of like… acids and stuff,” 

“That is… very much in keeping with your display of personality,” She said. “Do what you have to, got it?” 

“Yes ma’am,” He said, scuttling off. “Hi Mr. Stark… dad...sir...father…sir?” Peter said. Tony blinked at him for a second before grinning. 

“Hi Peter,” Tony said. “Nat recrute you?” 

“Yeah,” He said, dropping down, blinking at him for a minute, “But you need to sleep,” 

“I can sleep, when I am dead,” Tony said, turning away. “Anyway, I am completely immune to your eyes after the ferrie thing,”

“But...sir… if you don’t go to bed then I’m gonna have to let Ms. Natasha take you out with her… death string…” Peter said. “Besides, I would prefer it if you don’t die,”

“I am in no danger of death Peter. If sleep deprivation was able to kill you I would be dead a thousand times over,” Tony said, shaking his head. 

“Please?” Peter said. “Think about it like this, you’d be doing me a favor,” 

“A favor?” Tony asked. “Explain,” 

“You know I’m strong enough to handle myself on missions, but she dosn’t. If she thinks I’ve manipulated you into sleeping then she’ll trust me,” Peter said. Tony nodded his head, considering. 

“Fine, but remember that this is a favor, you aren't actually manipulating me, got it?” Tony said, sighing. 

“Yep,” Peter said. “Can I tell her?” 

“Fine,” Tony said, yawning. 

“Ms. Romanov, you can come get him!” Peter yelled, cupping his hands over his mouth. “Hurry before he changes his mind!” 

“You so owe me,” Tony said. Natasha appeared, a hand on his shoulder like he was an inmate. 

“Alright, lets go,” 

\--- 

“So I want to talk about your impulsive behavior,” Sam said, intertwining his fingers. He was sitting across from her in his grey chair, angled at the navy blue sofa she’s been seated on. It was of the variety of the incredibly square sofas that you always sank into a little too much.

“I’m not impulsive,” She said, crossing her arms. “I’m direct,” 

“May I raise to you two marked moments in your life in the tower, both your… confession, to your parents and the rest of the team, and when you told Peter you liked him. Both seemed to have been done by acting out of a large emotional reaction,” He said, resting his ankle on his knee. 

“Whatever. Did you know that 66% of all hispanic populations live in an area that does not meet the US’s air quality standards?” She said.

“How do you feel your relationship with your parents has been affected by your confession?” Sam asked. 

“I dunno, it’s been… weird,” She said. “I don’t like it.” 

“What is bothering you?” He said, his face a perfect mask. Therapy Sam was a awful lot different then normal Sam, who she’d seen beat Bucky with his own Hello Kitty slipper this morning. 

“I don’t really know,” she said, picking at her nails. “I just don’t… get it. You know? They don’t act the way that I expect them to and it unnerves me I guess,” She said. “Maybe I’m wrong, but it just feels weird,” 

“And how would you expect them to react?” Sam asked. 

“I dunno, like my parents I guess,” MJ said, shrugging. “Diamond, my bio mom, she taught me how, and Josh thought I was weak. Said I should be able to get thinner and I shouldn’t have to make myself throw up to do it,” 

“And how did Natasha and Clint's reaction differ from that?” Sam asked. 

“They were… really worried about me. I think they were scared. Clint didn’t talk at first and it freaked me out, but then he told me some stuff the other night,” She said. “I keep waiting for them to snap and they keep not,” 

“And why do you think they would snap at you?” Sam asked. 

“You know like… when I broke my wrist, or when I disobeyed and went to the protests in general, or when they found out I made a habit of shoving my hand down my throat, or anything I have ever done with my teachers,” She said. “Actually they don’t know about that yet,” 

_ “What did you do with your teachers Michelle?” _ A voice from the vents yelled, making both of them jump. 

“Great, your father’s in the vents again, can you grab that flash bomb right there, just under the plant,” He said. She handed it to him. “Thanks,” 

He grabbed the wooden chair facing a shelf that worked partly as a desk, throwing the bomb into the vent. “Clint this is fucking  _ confidention _ , move the fuck out!” He yelled, cupping his hands over his mouth. 

“We are talking later Michelle!” Her father yelled, before shimmying away. 

“So, where were we?”

“Does… he do that alot?” She asked, looking up.

“He does with you and Nat. Other people have their own overprotective family members now,” Sam said. “Steve and Bucky are attached at the hip I swear, I can’t even pretend their sessions are private.” 

“Terrifying,” 

“Anyway, we were talking about your old family,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so in light of a few comments of a couple of my stories/one-shots (most comments have been deleted), I wanted to address a few things.   
> 1\. I know my grammar sucks, I'm really sorry, I have a fucked brain, idk what its called.   
> 2\. I'm still pretty young, so I have never lived anywhere but my parent's house.   
> 3\. I know my writing style tends to escalate, and I never want to claim to be the most in-character writer, but if you really hate it so much you can always stop reading.   
> to the sweethearts that review every chapter, love you dolls, you tha bomb!!


	55. MJ... That's a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG nope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which your author can't write fallout, so is simply moving on to the next plotline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it took so long, I've just been kinda down lately. Anyway, here you go!

“Hey MJ, did you get a snapchat from Mr. Dankworth?” Peter asked, handing her her phone. “Your phone keeps buzzing,” 

“Oh of course,” She said, clicking her phone off. “Don’t worry about it, he sends like, 80 of those a day,” 

“What? Why?” Peter asked. “Why does he even have your snap, doesn't that violate something?” 

“ ‘teachers are not to have any form of personal relation to their students on any form of media using a account not provided and monitored by their school district,” 

“So why haven’t you blocked him?” Peter asked. 

“Eh, If I talk with him once or twice a week he bumps me up a letter grade,” she said. “I went from A’s to A+’s,”

“Wha- that’s like… super wrong… right?” Peter said. “I think- no, no it’s definitely wrong. I get confused about a lot, but I am pretty sure about this one. Like in Close Range Love,” 

“Peter, you and Ned were the only two people who saw that in theaters,” She said. “It’s whatever,” 

“Dude, delete him, that can’t go well,” Peter said. “Isn’t he that creepy math teacher who got caught with that one girl a few years back?” 

“No, that was Mr. Heinzach,” She said. “If  _ he _ had my snap I would be worried, but Mr. Dankworth is just depressing and lonely,”

“Whatever, I don’t like it though,” Peter said. “And I let homeless men live in my closet, my standards aren't exactly high,” 

“Yeah, but they were creeps with nowhere to go, Mr. Dankworth is pathetic, there’s a difference,” 

“Yeah until he lures you into a cottage in the woods,” Peter said. 

“I’m gonna keep bumping up my grade,” She said with a shrug. 

“You can do that, doesn't mean I have to like it,” Peter said, wrapping his arm around her and resting his chin on her shoulder. 

“Never said you did,” She said, shrugging, making his head bounce. “Oh great, he’s sending me pictures,” 

“Pictures of  _ what _ ?” Peter asked. 

“Just don’t open it,” She said, angling her phone away. “Speaking of, have you gotten any more of those weird messages from Flash recently?”

“Oh my gosh he’s spamming me,” Peter said, showing her the phone. There were maybe three texts from Peter asking Flash to leave him alone, and then well over thirty from Flash, with increasing levels of capital letters. 

“Why are there so many creeps at our school?” she asked, throwing her phone down on the sofa. “I swear,” 

“Ned said no one ever bothers him,” Peter said. “Maybe it's just us,” 

“Peter, Ned  _ is _ the creep. Remember when my mom picked you up and he took photos of her from the bottom of the car?” She asked. 

“Well… okay that was a little bit creepy, but Neds not-” 

“He has a four hundred thousand cound word pornfic about the avengers. And we  _ still _ don’t know who his inside source is, because it’s been going on since before the spiderbite,” She said. “Face it, Neds a perv,” 

“This doesn't make everything going on with your teacher any less creepy, let's just be clear,” He said. “And I am eighty percent sure it’s my dad giving him that info,”

“Oh ew,” She said. “Did you read the last chapter?”

“I stopped reading when Spiderman entered, I couldn’t do it,” Peter said. 

“Lets just say that if Tonys still his supplier after what he found out then he is a very, very sick man,”

\---

“Hey Steve, can I show you something?” Clint asked, walking into the room with Lucky thrown around his shoulders. “Me and Lucky have been working on it for hours,” 

“Uh… okay?” He said, closing his book. 

“Alright, here, he needs to sit in your lap,” Clint said, putting the dog down. “Talk in your normal voice to him,”

“Um, okay… hi. Who’s a good boy? Is it you? Are you a good boy?” Lucky panted, pawing at him. 

“And now talk in the captain america voice,” Clint said. Steve furrowed his brows at him, but obliged. 

“Hi, I’m captain america, and-  _ ow _ , getitoffgetitoffgetitoff,” Steve said, batting at Lucky who had locked his mouth loosely around Steve's nose, growling. “Why are you- ow! What’s wrong with him?” 

“Lucky  _ Lançamento _ !”  _ (RE; Release) _ Clint said, loud enough to hear over the clammer. Obediently Lucky released Steve's nose, looking up at Clint. “Yes, who’s my good boy! Good dog, yes Lucky! Good boy!”

“What did you  _ teach _ him?” Steve asked, rubbing his nose and narrowing his eyes at Clint and his dog, who he’d picked back up. “I thought he was a happy dog!” 

“I showed him a Rapping’ with Cap video and he growled. Then he escalated, and then I escalated… and then it just went downhill from there,” Clint said, shrugging. “Who’s a smart boy? Is it you? Yes it is,” Lucky wagged his tail in response. 

“Well he’s definitely your dog, that's for sure,” Steve said. “How’s he recovering?” 

“Pretty well, although he keeps trying to run around,” Clint said. “They said not to let him up for another two days, so I’m taking him around to meet everyone,” 

“Well, he’s clearly… highly intelligent,” Steve said. “How does Natasha feel about him?” 

“He really likes her,” Clint said, completely ignoring the question. “Anyway, I’m gonna go show him off to Bruce, who’s definitely allergic to him. Don’t forget that we have family movie night tonight. The whole team, got it?” 

“Yeah, who’s night is it to choose?” He asked. 

“Thors, which really means we’re gonna watch him flip through cartoons while Bruce says no for twenty minutes before they pick something,” Clint said, hoisting Lucky up. “Alright Luck, of to find the scientists!” 

\---

“Oh Peter, I meant to tell you, I have to go out tonight,” Mj said, not looking up from her phone. She’d been trying to seem calm, which clearly wasn’t working, because Peter looked suspicious already. 

“Are you meeting Mr. Dankworth?” Peter asked, leaning back. 

“What? Why would you think that?” She asked, putting down her phone. 

“Because he sent you an email with the flag words I coded in,” Peter said. “So I saw it. And he’s been texting you for three days strait,” 

“You put code words in my email?” she asked. “Why?” 

“They when’t anything to be like, controlling or anything, I was just worried. It’s all stuff like ‘or else’ or ‘bleed out’. Those kinds of things,” 

“Well I’m going to meet Gwen to study,” She said, rolling her eyes, before freezing. 

“Gwens dead and school is basically nonexistent right now,” Peter said. “And I have never seen you study when told to,” 

“I… stand by my statement,” She said slowly, picking her phone back up. 

“MJ do you have any idea how dangerous this is! That guys a creep!” Peter said. “You’re gonna get hurt. Also, aren't you grounded forever?” 

“Well I’m not gonna  _ tell them _ where I’m going. I’m just gonna… slip out,” she said, shrugging. “It’s no big dead,” 

“Yes it is a big dead,” Peter said. “Also, have you  _ met _ your parents? They’re spies! Clint likes to sleep with his eyes open wherever he knows Tony is going to be at night. They can hear things even  _ I can't _ and I can hear every heart beat in new york right now!”

“It's gonna be fine. I’ll be out and back in ten minutes,” she said. 

“You can’t even get to the kitchen in ten minutes!” Peter said. 

“Peter, do you think I  _ want _ to go? He has stuff on me, and if I don’t he’s gonna show Clint and Nat,” She said. “Plus he’s gonna fail me and make me re-take,” 

“Wh- then tell someone!” Peter said. “That's illegal!” 

“It’s whatever, I just gotta deal with this and then he’ll give me what he has and then it’s all gonna be over, alright?” She said. “Great, bye,” 

“Wait, MJ! This is  _ bad _ ! MJ?” She walked out of the room, letting the door close behind her. 

“You’re not telling on me, are you?” She asked Friday. 

“I am activating Moral Override, the code that gives me the ability to use discernment to share or withhold information,” Friday said. 

“Kay, cool,” She said, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “Hey did you see what happened to my book?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'allz enjoyed. Also, what would you guys think about me maybe writing a Thor x Bruce Oneshot. Maybe around three thousand words or so? Let me know, I have ideas about there psychotic siblings <3


	56. Mama Mia! It's a murder time!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y'all thought that this would just blow over? Naaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to stress that Clint and Nat aren't distrustful of there daughter, they are spies, so they can read a teenager like a open book.

“Hey MJ, we’re watching a movie, come sit with us,” Steve called, noticing MJ trying to sneak into the elevator. She froze turning back. “You look nice, where you going somewhere?” 

“Uh… yes…” She said. “Can I… go?” 

“That depends, where are you going?” Clint asked. A complete lie. No one skips family movie night. Tony built himself into a bomb and he didn’t even get to skip movie night.

“I… have to go study,” She said, shaking her head. She’d let her hair stay curly that day, making the curls bounce around, ultimately getting caught in the hing. “Ow,” 

“Oh, well you can always study latter,” Clint said. “Why don’t you come watch with us? We’re watching- what are we watching?” Clint asked, looking around. 

“Well not  _ Bambi _ , Thor,” Bruce said. 

“It seems as though it may be a sweet show!” Thor said. “Deer are among the most endearing of midgardian animals,”

“Everyone’s gonna be balling their eyes out,” Bruce said. 

“We don’t know what we’re gonna watch yet, but it’ll be great,” Clint said. 

“I already promised my friend,” She said, shuffling her feet awkwardly, toying with her camo coat. 

“Who are you studying with?” Peter asked, staring at her. She shot him a glare, mouthing a threat at him. “Do I know them?” 

“No. I don’t think you have class together,” She said, shaking her head. “They’re really good at history,” 

“So are you,” Peter said. “Don’t you get straight A’s?” 

“Peter. Drop it,” she said through gritted teeth. Peter shrugged, going back to his phone. But the seed had already been planted.

“What’s their name exactly?” Steve asked, peking up. 

“I’m just gonna… go…” She said, jamming her thumb into the button. 

“I am sorry Michelle, but as I mentioned I am using Moral Overdrive. While I am not disclosing information to your parents, you are not being allowed to leave the house without a escort,” 

“Wh- why?” She asked, glaring at the ceiling. 

“Would you like to review conversations taking place on your phone?” Friday asked. “Or should I share them with your parents?”

“Nonono, I’ll just stay here… I can reschedule,” She said, moving away from the door.

“Well now I’m curious,” Clint said, tilting his head. At the same time Natasha walked in the room.

“Curious about what?” She asked, sitting next to her husband. “You’re dressed up MJ,” 

“I was gonna go study with a friend, but whatever,” She said, putting her backpack down and sitting on the sofa. Natasha narrowed her eyes. 

“What do you need to study for?” she asked. “You’re doing just fine in school,” 

“I was just trying to raise my history grade, but it’s fine,” She said, shaking her head. “Lets just watch whatever movie,” 

Natasha and Clint exchanged a glance, scanning the room. “Peter, do you have any idea what’s going on here?” Natasha asked. 

Peter wrenched his head up, giving the two assassins a scared look. “No! Nope! No clue!” He said, his voice breaking. “Ehm, I mean… no.”

“Uh huh, anything you wanna share with the class Peter?” Tony said from the kitchen. Peter widened his eyes, shaking his head, seeming to forget that Tony couldn’t see him. 

“Alright, Peter, go with Clint, MJ, follow me,” Natasha said, grabbing MJs arm and tugging her into the hallway. 

“What are you-  _ ow! _ ,” She said as MJ closed the door behind her. 

“What are you doing?” Natasha asked, crossing her arms. “Why isn’t Friday letting you leave the house? And what’s on your phone?” 

“It’s nothing! I just… I … a teacher asked me to meet with him to do extra credit work,” She said. “It’s no big deal,” 

“Extra credit? What’s that mean?” Natasha asked, leaning forward to look her directly in the eye. “Is there something going on that I should know about?” 

“No! It’s just… I dunno…” She said. “It’s nothing, alright? Just leave it,” 

“You know I can’t do that Michelle,” Natasha said. “Does Peter know what’s going on?” 

“Not… not everything,” She said. “He saw some stuff on my phone, but… ugh,” she knotted a hand in her hair, shaking her head.

“Does he know enough?” Natasha asked. MJ nodded, looking down. “Michelle, I don’t want to use my spy skills on you, you know that, but you’re concerning me here,” 

“I know, I know,” MJ said. “This is just… I don’t want you finding out about this,” She said, shrugging. 

“I promise whatever you tell me won’t be worse than you lying to me,” She said, leaning on the wall. 

“I… my teacher… he found photos of me… I took them when I was younger and… I dunno how he found them and he said if I didn’t come tonight he was sending them to you and Dad and Peter,” She said quickly. “I didn’t want that to happen so I was just going to do what he said. He said it’d be over after that,” 

“He threatened you?” Natasha asked, her green eyes flashing. 

“I… uh…” Mj said, looking down. “Yeah?” 

“What’s his name?” Natasha said. She thought briefly about lying, or not telling her, but Natasha was more likely to just continue to escalate. “Mj, what’s his name?” 

“Paul Dankworth,” She whispered. 

“You got that Friday?” Natasha asked. 

“Yes Ma’am,” Friday said. Natasha nodded, letting the steely mask slip off her face. 

“I’m sorry,” MJ said, looking at her, biting her lip. “I didn’t know what to do,” 

Natasha took a step forward, wrapping her arms around her, and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I know, it’s okay MJ, I know,” 

“I’m sorry,” She whispered, ducking her head. 

“Don’t be sorry,” Natasha said, smoothing her hair down, although it spring back up again. “You know we’re going to have to do the thing, right?” 

“What...thing?” MJ asked, leaning back. 

“The thing where we tell everyone what happened and they all lecture you,” Natasha said, shaking her head. 

“Oh,” She said. 

“Don’t worry, they’ll be gentle on you, you’re a kid,” 

\---

_ “I can’t fucking beleive _ -” Bucky yelled, gesturing wildly. 

“This is gentle?” MJ whispered to Natasha, who kept her arms wrapped around her on the sofa, forcing both of them to lean against Clint. 

“You wouldn’t believe it,” Natasha whispered back. 

“How did that man get a job with children? I can’t- this is inexcusable!” Steve said, matching Bucky's volume, if not his language.

“Alright, let’s take a second and talk, we’ll be right back,” Tony said, calmly, ushering them out into the hall. 

“I’m gonna strangle that man until I see the light drain from his eyes,” Bruce said, matter of factly, eliciting a taken aback look from Thor. 

“Okay, we need to approach this strategically,” Tony said. “Move from point to point so we aren't just yelling random things at her,”

“Right, that’s… that’s a good idea,” Steve said, running a hand through his hair. 

“Okay, point number one…” 

\---

“Alright, we’re going to be calm now,” Sam said with a forced grin, walking back into the room. MJ leaned back slightly, raising her eyebrows. “We are going to try to be calm now,” 

“First of all,” Wanda said, leaning on Vision. “If the future, you need to  _ tell us _ , should anything ever close to this happen ever again, understand?” She asked. 

“Yes-“ 

“In fact, if it’s anywhere even close to what that man tried to do then you’re telling us, got it?” Sam said. 

“And we’re putting code words and alerts on your phone, so no one can contact you like that, okay?” Tony said. “And anyone older than you that we don’t know also sets off a alert,” 

“Alr-“ 

“And if any of his family tried to contact you in person you turn around and walk the other way, alright?” Steve said. “Even if you’re just unsure, don’t worry about being rude, Just turn and run, okay?” 

“And if you ever think that they might be trying to contact you, you tell one of us right away, and we’ll send someone with you whenever you want to go out.” Bucky added, “We’re happy to follow you around and threaten anyone who tries to approach you,” 

“I got-“ 

“Point number two,” Sam said. “We would not care about anything someone could send us nearly as much as we care about your safety,” 

“Right. There is nothing they could show us that would make you love you any less,” Clint said from behind her. She could feel Natasha nodding behind her. 

“And if anyone ever tries to blackmail you with something, you tell us their name, or give us a photo, and we will make sure they never hurt anyone ever again.” Bruce adds. 

“Yes, we will happily cause harm to anyone who intends harm for you,” Thor said. “I would quite enjoy the death of such a dishonorable man,”

“This is one of the few things I would be rather okay with agreeing on my brother with this one,”Loki said. “And you are aware how much I enjoy the stabbing of mortals in general. This only adds even more joy,” 

“Can’t argue with that,” Tony said. “Speaking of in case you were wondering if Wade didn’t know, or doesn't care, he’s off at the man's house right now. He should be back soon, and he’ll be placed in your parents interrogation room,”

“Wha-“ 

“And I have Peter helping Friday get in contact with everyone at your school to try and see if there have been any more incidents. Meanwhile, the blackmail material has been removed.’

“Oh-“ 

“And he shouldn’t be able to contact anyone from inside the tower, if it makes you feel better,” Vision pipped up. “I am currently watching his social media to insure he doesn't do anything before Wade can get him here,”

“Fucking scum of the earth,” Bruce muttered under his breath.

“And the third and final point,”Sam said. “No one skips family movie night,” 

“I- you’re joking, right?” She asked. 

“No.This is a time honored team bonding ritual. You can’t skip family movie night,” Steve adds. Bucky nods next to his husband.

“Um…”

“As soon as wade gets back, me and your mom are going to set him up in the interrogation room, and then we’re gonna watch the movie, okay?” Clint said, looking intently at her. She couldn’t see him, but she could feel his gaze, 

“I… okay?” She said. 

“Good! Glad we’re on the same page,”   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this while listening to serial killer videos... there strangely addictive...   
> also, I posted the Thor x Bruce oneshot! I tried to keep it at 2000 words and... alright I may have gone a TINY bit over... but expect that couple to make a appearance l after on,


	57. Aherm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YEET

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK what's wrong with my account, but it won't show me any of your comments unless I do a million things, so if my response is slow that's why. <3 u!!

“Peter, they won’t let go of me,” MJ whispered. Her parents had left for about ten seconds to tie up the bloodied teacher, who Wade had jollily dragged in, clamming they tripped on the stairs. 

“Can you blame them?” Peter whispered back. She shook her head, blinking. 

“I just don’t like it,” She whispered back. 

“I have decided on a movie!” Thor said, loud enough to make them jump, as Sam shoved a bowl of popcorn into MJs lap, ignoring her protests. “We are to watch accente!” 

“He means Up,” Bruce translated, gesturing to the TV. “I don’t know what your obsession with sad movies is, but I can’t say I like it very much,” 

“It is meant to be a heartwarming story about a boy scout and a kind old man!” Thor said, smiling.

“Whatever, just don’t cry on me,” Bruce said, crossing his arms. Thor rolled his eyes, leaning on Bruce, making the scientist visibly panic. Comforting that some things never change. 

“I don’t care Natasha, cucumber and salt is not a movie treat,” Clint said, walking back as he towled the blood residue off his hands, casually tossing the cloth in the sink. 

“You have clearly never been to Russia,” Natasha said. 

“I have been! And it was very cold,” Clint said. “But I can not condone this monstrosity,” 

“Whatever,” Natasha said, shaking her head. “Some people add Dill and Fennel to there's, but that feels weird,” 

“Wrong,” Wanda said. “They should be eaten with fennel or not at all,” 

“Someone needs to give you two a chocolate bar,” Tony commented, walking in from the kitchen and dumping down more movie treats than even their metabolisms can handle.

“You know there is chocolate in Russia,” Wanda said. 

“Yes, creepy doll candy,” Clint said. “Scary,” 

“I would have to agree with Clint on that point,” Vision said. Wanda smacked his arm with her hand, popping a hot tamale in her mouth with the other hand. 

“Aw, are we watching Up?” Natasha asked. “Clint’s gonna cry in the first five minutes I swear,”

“They were so  _ in love _ !” Clint said, pouting. Natasha shook her head, sitting down next to MJ, Clint on her left, so she was sandwiched between Natasha and Peter. Although Tony had chosen a sofa with a perfectly fitted audimen, basically turning it into a  _ giant _ stretch of sofa. 

“You would never survive in Russia,” She said, shaking her head. 

“Whatever, I bet you couldn’t handle Alabama, could you?” Clint said. “You wouldn’t last one day with only deep fried food. Or it being eighty million degrees all the time, huh?” 

“Whatever,” Natasha said. “Just because  _ I _ have standards.”

“I am to start the movie now!” Thor said, waiting a moment for everyone to settle. MJ leaned forward, grabbing a Diet Coke and rolled her eyes. She was sure a disney movie couldn’t make her cry. 

\---

Okay, maybe a disney movie could make her cry. She swore she wouldn’t have cared if not for having already had to listen to Ned's theory that the old man was already dead and the little pudgy boy scout was his guardian angel.

She shook her head, wiping the tears out of her eyes, looking over at her boyfriend, who had his knees up to his chest, his face wet. She sniffed, shaking her head at him, before resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m not crying,” Peter whispered. 

“You’re not if I’m not,” She whispered back. 

“Good,” Peter said, leaning his head on her as they watched the old man blow the dust off the mailbox. “He’s so sad MJ,” 

“Big mood,” 

“That’s gonna be me if you die,” Clint said into Natasha's hair. “I’m just gonna be there, staring at all our old stuff and crying until I die,”

“The entire point of the movie is for him to find happiness again,” Natasha said in a monotone. 

“It’s clearly about death,” Loki said from the counter, where he was eating ice cream from a container. 

“It’s about the afterlife,” Peter said from next to her. Loki gave a dramatic gasp, putting a hand to his chest.

“It’s about if you all don’t shut the hell up I’m gagging all of you,” Bucky said from near their feet. 

“As if you could,” 

“Oh you wanna go?” 

—-

“You need to tell them everything, you know,” Peter said. They’d finally finished the movie, and most of the team had either gone to bed or had locked themselves in their labs or rooms to fake sleep. Although surprisingly Pepper had threatened Tony heavily enough to actually get him to sleep, Bruce claimed he had something to finish up that was of the utmost importance. Peter and MJ were the only ones up.

“No, I don’t. My parents are already torturing him, they don’t need to know what he was planning on doing to me as well,” She said, taking a bite of salad. Peter was eating candy. 

“If you lie about it they’re just gonna find out later,” Peter said, shaking his head. “And imagen how much worse that’ll be,” 

“But they don’t need to ever find out, that’s my point!” She said gesturing with her tiny fork. Tony had agreed to buy tiny untiniles at Peters request. Now she didn’t eat with anything properly sized for her food. 

“MJ, you know how they are, everything’s gonna keep getting worse,” Peter said. “Everything’s gonna escalate and escalate and finally come to a head! I mean, they haven't even scratched the surface on you telling them about the eating stuff. Speaking of, here's some candy,” 

“Okay, I don’t want your candy,” She said, putting the butterfingers on the counter. “They’re gonna move on as soon as they got bored, and I can keep doing what I do,” 

“Which is what exactly? Try to ensure you are constantly in danger?” Peter asked sarcastically.

“Pretty rich coming from you boy,” She said, rolling her eyes. Peter mock glared at her, taking a spitfull bite of candy. 

“Who do you think is gonna replace him?” Peter asked. “We still have a few months of the school year left,” 

“Hopefully no one we know,” MJ said. “If they make Steve our history teacher I’m leaving the school.” 

“I’d follow,” Peter said. “Hey, because Loki is technically a teenager, do you think that means he’s required to go to high school?”

“Ew,” She said. “I hope not,”

“I bet he’d get the drama department in shape,” Peter remarked, sitting up on the counter. 

—-

“I think that we need someone undercover,” Natasha said. “In the school. Keep the teachers and students in check,”

“Why would we need to be undercover?” Clint asked. “Why not go the other way? Completely embarrass her,”

“I mean… that’s not a bad idea,” She said, nodding her head in agreement. “It might keep her more alert if she knows who’s there,” 

“Exactly,” Clint said. 

“So… you know anything about history?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“I… dropped out of school to join the circus, but I know how Wikipedia works really well,” Clint said, finger gunning her. 

“You know that you can’t bring weapons into the classroom, right?” Natasha said. 

“Unless it’s for a historical reason,” Clint said.

“No Clint,” She said. “No weapons in school,” 

“Bows are very historical,” He said. “All kinds of wars were won with bows,” 

“Please do not bring your deadly weapons into the classroom Clint,” She said, rubbing her forehead. 

“Well the first classes are online anyway, so it doesn't really matter yet, does it?” Clint asked.

“Just don’t make things worse then the perv teacher, got it?” She said. 

“Fine…” 

—-

“Aw hell no,” MJ said. “Why did Ned just text me this school announcement?” MJ asked. She’d been passed on to Steve and Bucky, as they didn’t trust her eating habits alone, while her parents ‘dealt’ with her old teacher. 

“What announcement?” Bucky asked, looking at her phone. “ ‘Due to unforeseen circumstances Mr. Dankworth has been unable to continue his teacher career… blah blah blah… to be replaced with Mr Barton?” Bucky asked. 

“Oh that’s great” Steve said. “Did he finish high school?” 

“He did more than you did,” Bucky shot back. “Oh please tell me we can watch him teach! That’s gonna be great!”

“No… no no no, no no no, no… no,” MJ said. “I am so not being taught by my father… that’s… gonna be so bad…” She said, knotting a hand in her hair. 

“Do you think we can convince him to dress up like our old teachers?” Bucky asked. “I bet he’d wear the suspenders if we paid him,” 

“He’d wear the suspenders for a laffy-taffy Buck,” Steve said. “How is he gonna teach them though, he doesn't know anything about history,” 

“You think we‘re learning in class?” MJ asked. “I haven't seen Peni- Peter take notes ever, and he’s the model student.” 

“What has happened to the American school system?” Steve asked. 

“Nothing, that’s the problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *yEETS DEPRESSION INTO THE VOID* 
> 
> AND. I. OOP.


	58. Neutral Colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have an excuse for this trash taking so long. SOrry. Also, for legal reasons... all mentions of the current president are a joke. (Hurts tah type yallz)

“Why does everyone think this is funny?” MJ asked, flopping on her bed. “My life is over. I mean, he’s gonna be at my  _ school _ ,” 

“Yes Michelle, that is how his position as your teacher works,” Friday said, sounding shockingly unsympathetic. 

“Hey is that plague thing still going on, or can I leave the house yet?” She asked, looking up at nothing. She swore she heard Friday sigh. 

“Yes, COVID-19 is still very much dangerous and should be treated as such. Masks, gloves and other protective garments should still be worn in the streets. We are expecting another spike in cases in the next week and a half to two weeks,” Friday said. “And you are still not permitted out,”

“What if I maintained six feet away from everyone while hitchhiking to germany?” She asked into her comforter. “Would that be alright,”

“No, that would still violate several rules.” Friday said. She swore the AI sounded tired of her. “Also, I would be forced to alert Agent Barton and Agent Romanoff, which I do not think would be beneficial for anyone's mental state at this time,”

“I can’t be taught by my dad! It’s too weird!” She said. Friday must not have a preprogrammed response to that, because she stayed quiet. “Who’s to say having loving parents invested in your safety is a good thing?”

“Everyone who has ever studied family relations,” 

“Holy  _ shit _ Peter, I didn’t know you were there!” she yelled, jumping up. Peter shrugged, somersaulting off the ceiling onto her bed. “Warn me next time!” 

“Sowwy,” He said unapologetically. She rolled her eyes, grabbing her sketchbook. “I think it’s pretty funny,” 

“You don’t get a say,” She said. “You would be just as upset if Tony decided he was a teacher, don’t lie,” 

“No, because he couldn’t make me any less popular if he tried. You have something to lose,” Peter said, taking a bite of his cereal. How he managed to keep it from spilling was beyond her. “And maybe he can get them to stop calling me Penis,” 

“More likely he comes up with something worse. For both of us,” She sulked. Peter pouted at her.

“No-o-o, let’s go do something fun! I’m bored and you keep sulking around here by yourself. Come on!” He said. 

“Do what? We can’t go anywhere cool. You’d think they could figure out how to social distance at a museum but  _ no _ ,”

“There’s like… literally a mall downstairs. And an ice rink. And whatever it is that keeps eating Wade in the basement,”

\---

“So do you have any,  _ any _ , knowledge of history? Anything you remember from history class? Or even anything Steve said?” 

“Um, I know that bows were around before Robin Hood was a thing,” Clint said. Tony sighed. 

“Alright, well that’s… a start. And when was that?” Tony asked, folding his hands in front of himself. 

“...Twenty eighth century,” Clint said. 

“You have got to be joking,” Tony said. “Clint, you’re going undercover as a history professor, how the hell are you going to pass if you think that the  _ twenty eighth century _ has already happened?”

“Yeah, twenty eight BC,” Clint said. 

“...No!” Tony said, letting his head fall to the desk. “No… okay, plan B, let’s just see how convincingly you can teach a wikipedia,”

“I do know how to do that, it’s the only way I made it to tenth grade,” Clint said. “Then you know… clowns,

“Okay, okay I can work with that,” Tony said. “So the civil war-” 

“The airport fight?” Clint asked. “We teach that in history?” 

“Oh fuck,” 

\--- 

“Okay, we’re gonna make a list of problems that need to be addressed with the media,” Pepper said, sitting at the front of the conference table, folding her hands. “And then we’re going to train all of you, because the last gala Tony threw was such a shit show,”

“Was not,” Bucky said. 

“Are you insane? It was to?” Sam asked. 

“Was  _ not- _ ” 

“The cameraman deserved it,” Steve said, crossing his arms. “I’m pretty sure he hit his wife to,” 

“Then you go to the police, you don’t break their jaw, genius,” Natasha said, sighing. “Was I fine last time?” 

“You flirted with every man there, drank a whole bottle of tequila, and then presided to knock a business leader of Kent out,” Pepper said. “The only one who was okay was, shockingly, Tony,” 

“He was drunk the whole time!” Bruce said indignantly. 

“Well he knew how to hide it,” She said. “Clint you fell asleep twenty minutes in after eating all the chocolate, Thor broke the ceiling, Sam you flew around drunk in your bird suit, and Bruce stammered for half a hour on live television,” 

“What about me?” Loki asked. 

“You tried to  _ seduce Donald Trump _ , I assumed I didn’t need to explain the problem there!” She said. 

“Tony, if you own the government how did Trump get in office?” Steve asked. 

“It was a… recent purchase,” Tony said, taking a swig of… something. 

“You own  _ what _ ?” Pepper asked. 

“Nothing!” 

“Alright, problem number one, Tony adopted a child,” Pepper said, ignoring Tony completely. “Problem number two, the child is spiderman. Problem number three, the child is inheriting SI, not that one guy who did that thing,” 

“MJ they called me a problem,” Peter said. 

“You are,” 

“What guy?” Tony asked. 

“You were blackout drunk, you wouldn’t remember. Anyway, Peter when we tell the press I want you in kevlar, okay?” 

“But I know when bullets are gonna hit me,” Peter said. “Spidey senses,” 

“I so wanna study your brain,” Bruce said, squinting at Peter. 

“Next, Clint and Nat have a child, Clint and Nat are married, Steve and Bucky are married, Captain america is gay-” 

“Can we add Colson to the list?” Steve asked. 

“Why would we do that?” Pepper asked.

“I don’t know, but I know that he belongs on the list of problems,” Steve said. 

“Heh, he has a Steve pillow like my dad did,” Tony said. “Our dad… oh that’s creepy,” 

“Vision is there anything online that I should be aware of that is close to being leaked,” Pepper asked. “Because I need to do damage control on so many things right now it wouldn’t surprise me,” 

“That one video of Tony when he was eight, aside from that we’re good,” Vision said, sighing. “It should concern everyone that Tony being naked doesn't even register anymore. He could be completely clothless right now and I would be none the wiser,” 

“We know honey,” Wanda said, patting him. 

“What video of Tony when he was eight?” Steve asked, furrowing his eyebrows. 

“Please tell me he wasn’t naked in the video,” Bucky said. 

“I can… not technically confirm he wasn’t wearing  _ anything _ …” Vision said. 

“It’s fine, my dad cleared it,” Tony said, shrugging. 

“Tony that’s so not okay,” Sam said. “We are talking about this later,” 

“Natasha, you don’t need the etiquette lesions, just behave,” Pepper said. “So… dessert forks-” 

“Should be used for everything,” MJ said. 

“No.”

\---

“Alright, we need to get you guys clothing,” Pepper said. “I’m leaving Tony and Nat to deal with that. The Gala should be in two-ish months once Covid calms down. Don’t screw it up,” she left with that, Tony stepping to the front of the room. 

“Come on, we’re going to the mall,” Tony said. “This is gonna be fun!” 

“The malls closed Tony,” Steve said. 

“We have a mall,” Tony said. “I super overpay everyone here and fire awful people, so it’s like an awesome mall.” 

“Ew, do I have to wear a dress?” MJ asked. Tony sighed. 

“I guess you don’t have-” 

“Dresses are easier to hide guns in,” Natasha said. “And better for distracting men,”

“Alright, I’m down,” She said. “Where are we going?” 

“Nat, you take MJ and Wanda, unless Loki wants to wear a dress. Do you? None of us would be surprised,” Tony said. 

“Wh- no! Who do people keep asking me that?” Loki asked indignantly. 

“You know why,” Thor said. 

“Alright, I’m gonna teach you guys about  _ neutral colors _ ,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who finished their orthodontics!!!!! SO happy!! Also, am I beating a dead horse and writing YET ANOTHER dead aunt may oneshot? Yes, yes I am...


	59. JUST WEAR THE DAMN THING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper is SO TIRED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd give y'all some domestic fluff bc of the last few chapters, so enjoy clothes shopping.

“Why do I even have to wear this?” MJ asked, squirming around in her silk dress, making it shimmer in the light. “We shouldn’t even have a Gala, friday said that we need to be social distancing just earlier today,” 

“We will be,” Pepper said. “And it won’t be for a few weeks still, so don’t worry,” 

“ _ weeks?” _ She asked. “No! Ew! If it’s only a few weeks why should we even have to go shopping right now anyway? I didn’t get my dress for homecoming until a hour or so before, and even then it was from the back of a goodwill,” 

“This is me pretending you didn’t say that,” Pepper said, brushing her hair out of her face. “Look at how pretty that color is on you,” 

“Ew, I hate orange,” She said, squirming. It was too tight around his legs and she felt like the neckline was choking her. “Can’t I wear something else?” 

“Fine, get out of it, I’m gonna go get some other options,” Pepper said. Natasha poked her head out around her dressing room. 

“That's such a flattering dress on you though,” Natasha said. “Hard to hide things though,” 

“It's way too bright,” MJ said, shaking her head. 

“Bright colors are a sign of poison in nature Michelle,” Natasha said. “Why do you think men are so attracted to it,” 

“Here, try this one,” Pepper threw a flowy dress over the wall, the tulle almost catching on the hinge. 

“Fine,” MJ said. “Are you sure I can’t just wear a suit?” 

“If you want to wear a suit you are my guest, but you’re going to have to shop with Tony and the boys,” She said, gesturing to the door. 

“I’m good,” MJ said, struggling into the dress. It was definitely the best fitting so far. The skirt was flowy white silk and with layers of black tulle on top, with a flower pattern coming down from the bonnice to about elbow length. The skirt was loose enough that it didn’t need a slit, but it had one anyway, going up to about mid thigh, so that when she walked around you could just see her calf. It was a little too long for her, but she had also been informed she was going to be forced to wear heels, as if she couldn’t already embarrass them enough.

“Come out, I want to see you,” Pepper said. MJ obediently swung the door open almost tripping on her way out. “Oh my gosh you look like a model,” 

“How beautiful!” Wanda said from the side. She’d gotten off easy, able to agree with the first thing Pepper had plucked off the rack for her, a backless white dress with a t- shirt outline. 

“It’s not my least favorite,” She said, shrugging. Natasha left her own room, wearing some kind of mermaid green dress with off the shoulder sleeves.

“It’s stunning,” Natasha agreed. “Stand up straight MJ, it’d be easy to hide a gun in, I can’t lie,” Natasha said. “The backs are a little low, but if I put your hair down I bet Clint'll be fine with it. Those places are crawling with pervs,” 

“Great, can I get dressed?” She asked, relieved when she revived the nod of approval. 

“I give up, I’m just wearing this one,” Natasha said. “I didn’t wear a green dress last time, did I?” She asked. 

“No last time was teal, you’re good,” Wanda said. “Pepper, do you need a dress? You’ve been helping us this whole time,”

“I’ve had a dress sense MJ and Pete moved in, these kinds of events are inevitable,” She said. “Come on, if you two are good we can bag them and go check on the boys,” 

“Are you sure you want to go in there?” 

\---

_ “Bruce what the fuck do you mean you want to wear tweed?” _ Tony yelled. “Tweed. From now on, that pattern is banned in this tower. Forever,” He said. “Friday, make note,” 

“It's a perfectly respectable pattern,” Bruce said. 

“For the record, tweed is way worse than suspenders,” Steve said, raising his hand. Tony snapped at him. 

“No,” Tony said. “No, all of you are… okay, no.”

“Uh, can someone help me?” Peter asked, turning to them. He’d somehow managed to get his arms caught completely, and was writhing around when Tony walked over. 

“For crying out- you have worn a button down before, right kid?” Tony asked, starting to unbutton it for him. 

“I still don’t see why I can’t wear what I wore when I first met all of you,” Loki said from the corner. 

“You can’t wear it because there is a giant scorch mark in the leg and because you were wearing the gayest little awful intimidation of a slytherin scarf I have ever seen,” Tony said. Which was about the time Pepper and the others chose to walk in, immediately signing at the large pile of mostly ripped clothing on the floor. 

“Tony what did you do to Peter?” Pepper asked. Peter tried to wave at her from his confinements. 

“Well I was trying to find a shirt that fit him, but anything that wasn’t drowning him was too short,” Tony explained. “So then I tried to… well…” 

“I know  _ you _ would never need to go here, but there is this thing called the  _ tall _ section. See it for tall people,” She said. “Which is probably where at least half of you should be shopping,” 

“Oh… so that's what those sections are for,” Clint said. Natasha raised an eyebrow. “I thought it was for like… midgets to make them feel better. At least that's what it meant in the circus. Always felt a little strange to me though,” He said. Natasha just sighed. 

“Alright, I want all of you in your own dressing rooms, I’m going to bring each of you something to try on,” Pepper said loudly, pointing. 

“Actually Bruce and Steve have to get changed in the box of shame,” Tony said, pointing to a large dressing room with the words ‘box of shame’ scribbled across the top. 

“Steve, Bruce, don’t listen to Tony and please go into your own dressing rooms,” Pepper said. “And that means you to Tony,” 

“Me too?  _ Me too _ ? Pep you hurt me,” Tony said. “Have I not proven time and time again to be able to dress myself?” 

“I believe if you wanted to you could look good,” Pepper conceded. “But I have no faith that you want to right now,” 

“Hrmph,” Tony huffed, but walked in all the same. 

“Alright, any of you care to help me shop around?” pepper said. “I promise it’s more fun when you don’t have to wear it yourself,” 

“Yes!” Natasha said. “Clint is only able to dress himself for missions. As soon as we get home he forgets how to tie a tie,” 

“Depressing,” Wanda noted. “As good a offor you make, I am going to lie down, I already have headache from lighting,” 

“Alright, feel better,” Pepper said. MJ opened her mouth but wasn’t allowed to get a word of her own in edgewise. “You missy, don’t get a say. See what you can find in the tall section,” 

“Fine,” She said, sulking off. At the very least she might be able to make Peter really uncomfortable. 

\---

“Why is everything so tight?” Peter whined, squirming and pulling at the shirt collar, his hand snatched away by Pepper, who was examining the fit or something or other. “I feel like I can’t breath,” 

“Welcome to fashion buddy,” She said, completely unsympathetic. “I don’t like the tie, Tony can you grab me a bow instead?” Tony threw one at her face from where he’d set off his work holograms. “Gee… thanks.” 

“Why can’t I just go in jeans again?” Peter asked. “Mr. Stark-” Tony snapped from his corner. “ _ Dad _ , does it all the time for even fancier things,” 

“Well you should never do anything Tony does for a start,” She said. “There, see how handsome you are? We just have to fix your hair…” 

“Wh- what's wrong with my hair?” Peter asked, trying to duck away from her as she swapped it to the side.

“Hey Nat?” Clint asked from the dressing room. “Are the buttons meant to come off?” 

“Oy vey,” Natasha groned. “I’m grabbing you another shirt, don’t touch anything else.”

“Too late,” Clint said. “Hey did you know you can make ties into nuces?” 

“Isn’t that what they already are?” Peter asked, still trying (and failing) to bat away Pepper. “Ow, that hurts,” 

“It's a watch Peter,” She said. “Steve, Bucky, how are you two doing?” 

“I don’t understand zippers,” Steve said. “And now the pants are stuck in my hair,” 

“I understood everything,” Bucky said. “I’m just scared to leave,” 

“That’s… at this point, probably fair,” Pepper said. “Vision, you good?” 

“Yes,” Vision said, coming out dressed. “I did however, have to look up a youtube how to on the buttoning of a shirt, but it is now rather straightforward,” 

“You’re my favorite,” Pepper said. “Bruce, Thor? How about you?” 

“Tony, this isn’t my size,” Bruce said, stepping out. Tony laughed at him from his work corner. “I don’t see what's funny.” 

“It is your size, you just can’t dress yourself,” Pepper said. “Thor? Loki?” 

“Well it fits,” Loki said, showing her. “Can I leave now?” 

“Yes, get changed and hand it to me. Can you tell me where your brother is?” She asked. 

“Oh, he got distracted by the fountain with the colored lights. I can’t believe you didn’t notice,” Loki said, turning around to get changed. 

“Great. You better behave better than this at the Gala,” 

“We won’t,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, by document decided to glitch out at about 300 pages and I lost a few thousand words, but I re-wrote as fast as I could. Sorry if it isn't up to par. Enjoy!! (also, expect another Aunt May Murder oneshot in the coming week or two)


	60. I would like to yeet away the pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Depressed Author Gives Up On Quality Writing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short and awful I'm so sorry.

“Alright, here’s what we’re gonna do,” Pepper said, folding her hand. “We are going to talk to the camera, and Friday will edit it like it’s real news footage. Tony and Natasha are going to be reporters, got it?” She asked. “Got it,” 

“Yes!” Natasha said, running to grab the fake microphone. “Dibs on Steve,” 

“If I get Bruce,” tony said. She nodded. 

“Yep, they’re just like real reporters, this should be a good dry run,” Pepper said, pulling her hair into a bun as Friday started the count down.

“And we’re live in three… two… Live!” 

“Steve, is it true that you where americas pin up boy for the entirety of the 40s and the years after?” 

“Clint do you  _ really _ have a secret family on a farm that we don’t know about?” 

“MJ how do you feel being a part of the avengers, You  _ are _ a superhero right?”

“Peter how old are you really?” 

“Bruce, what do you have to say about the video of you stripping in college that has been trending for the last few days,”

“Wade, why are you the way you are?” 

The entire team, save Clint, failed miserable, so the entire newsreel consisted of Clint responding smoothly, Wade twerking, Bruce and Peter stammering, MJ flipping them off, Steve staring into space, Sam and Bucky fighting, Loki looking not like Loki, Wanda and Vision arguing because she put toast in his head again, and Thor eating the toast. Pepper practically radiated disapproval while they watched.

“We need to do better,” She said sighing as the video turned off. “Clint… good job, no one expected that from you, thank you. Tony and Nat, you acted exactly like reporters. The  _ rest _ of you-” 

“Uh oh,” 

-0-

“Alright, instead we’re going to work on one on one interviews in case I’m not there to hold your hands alright?” Pepper said. “Tony, Nat, you’re on interviews, split them up as you will,” 

“I want to interrogate the children,” Natasha said. 

“Do I still have Bruce?” 

“Alright, Clint, you’re free from this part. Peter, you’re first,” She said. Natasha stood up, sitting on the interviewer side, crossing her legs and grinning satanically. Peter followed, sitting down like a scared puppy. 

“Alright. Peter is it true that you will be eir to Stark Indesterys at the time of Tonys death?” Natasha asked. 

“No because he’s reverse ageing and can never die.” 

“Wrong answer,” 

-0-

“Why are we here, just to suffer?” MJ asked. She’d lost her book privileges and was at this point in the training lying completely flat on the floor and hoping a plane hit the building. “I mean, it’s not like this is going to make us act any better,” 

“It will make you act better or so help me,” Pepper said. “Alright, we’re calling it for tonight, if we come back tomorrow and we have to start from square one I … don’t know what I’ll do but it won’t be pretty, understand,” 

“Yes Ma’am,” Peter mumbled grumpily from the ceiling. She threw her hat at him, resulting in it just falling back on her head. 

“Good. You can all go,” Pepper said. MJ didn’t waist any time running up and grabbing her book, planning on retreating to her room. “Don’t forget we have family dinner tonight,” 

“Ugh,” She said, hitting her head with her book. “Why is there so much damn family time in this household?” 

“Everyone here is lonely,” Peter said, dropping down from a web. “And clingy. And they all deny it,” 

“Dosn’t anyone here need  _ alone _ time?” She asked, pulling her hood over her head. 

“No, not really,” Peter said. “I guess Mr. Bruce does, because he hides in his lab from us all the time, but aside from him…” 

“It’s not hiding, it’s wanting more than twelve seconds alone,” Bruce said, narrowing his eyes at Tony, who just shrugged, laughing. “You won’t let me do anything by myself,” 

“I let you do lots of things by yourself. You just arn’t there,” tony said. 

“That dosn’t make any sense,” Bruce shot back, rolling his eyes. 

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” Tony said. “Bottom line is that I can talk to people outside the tower, so no matter what I win,” 

“Win  _ what _ ?” Bruce asked. 

“Being not the worst sibling,” 

“Right, because you definitely win that one,” 

“We’re related to Wade, Bruce. Do you really want to bring this up again, because I guarantee he will do the arm thing again,” 

“Actually,” Wade said. “I have a new leg thing…” 

“Ew,” 

“No no, stay still, let me get the chain saw,”

-0-

“Okay, we had to move the gala up because we’re expecting another spike in cases, its in a week, can you just  _ please _ not make everything worse?” Pepper said. “We’re going to review this one more time, alright?” 

“Fine,” They groaned collectively, making her sigh. 

“Mj, Loki, zero flirting with creepy older men. Or creepy older women. Actually, no flirting period, got it? Tony, you know what to do, same to you Nat, Clint you did pretty well, strangely enough, just stop climbing into the ceiling, Steve and Bucky… no fighting, yourselves or anyone else, Thor don’t eat anything that isn’t food, Peter stay  _ off _ the ceiling and do not speak without permission, Bruce don’t speak, and Sam…” She said, taking a breath. “If you and Bucky have another punch incident I am locking you in the car,” 

“What about me?” Wade asked. 

“You will be locked in the car,” she said, unapollogeticly. 

“I’d lock me in the car to,” He said, shrugging. “Just gives me freedome to do what I want to the things  _ in _ the car,” 

“You’re going to be babysat by Happy,” Pepper revised. “Come on guys, we have a week, can’t you pull it together for one night? Just pretend we’re on a mission, and you’re undercover as yourselves,” 

“I can confirm this is a very useful tactic,” Clint said from around the entire sandwich he was trying to cram in his mouth.

“Alright, and just to review,” Pepper said. “We will be covering  _ any _ relationship in the tower, or  _ suspected _ relationships because I don’t trust any of you to not get lose online. We’re talking about Peter and Spiderman and everything, addressing MJ, telling them Loki’s a kid, and telling them Clint’s a teacher now because apparently he has zero intention of going undercover. Was that everything?”

“Oh shit I forgot about him teaching,” Bucky said. “Oh this is gonna be so fun,” 

“Schools almost out though, they’re probably not going to need him until next year… I hope,” MJ said. “If I log onto zoom and it’s my own house I’m not gonna be happy,” 

“Right, you radiant ball of sunshine,” Loki said. 

“Oh you’re one to talk-” 

“So this is what we  _ don’t  _ want to do next week, got it?” She said. “Just please behave,” 

“No,” 

“No,” 

“Nope,” 

“What does that mean?” thor asked. 

“Right, I’m going to go shoot myself, see you tomorrow,” Pepper said, turning around. 

“Pepper? Pepper wait…” Tony said following her. 

“That was a joke, right Sam?” Steve asked. 

“As long as she shows up tomorrow I don’t need to address it,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you it was bad. But it's finally summer!!! So I really don't have a excuse now...
> 
> Oh, hey if you wanna cry, and you haven't read it yet, go check out the new oneshot I posted. I kill May again.


	61. Loki needs a parental figure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they try to get ready

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little longer to make up for the last chapter! Hope you like it!!

“Hey- hey mom, I don’t know how to zip this up,” MJ said, trying to twist to grab the zipper, only resulting in causing her to get her necklace caught in her hair. Natasha, hadn’t even started getting ready yet, laughed, instructing her to turn around. 

“You got lucky with this dress, it’s got a great high back,” Natasha muttered, smoothing her hair to the front. “Perfect for hiding knives if they're flat enough. You always want an expensive dress like this for something like that, cheap ones show the whole outline,” She said. “There, beautiful,” 

“I hate getting dressed up,” MJ said, squirming. “It’s always uncomfortable, and I never look good.  _ Plus _ , makeup sucks,” 

“No, bad makeup sucks,” Natasha corrected. “I  _ could _ do it, but you know, Clint did makeup for everyone in the circus for… years, I don’t even know,” Natasha said, shaking her head. “But I have hair to straighten, and I want to force you to deal with him, because he gets so excited about things like this,” 

“Wh- what does that even  _ mean _ ?” She asked. “I don’t want any makeup at all, why do I have to do this?” She said, practically whining at her. 

“Because sometimes you have to dress up pretty and smile like a little plastic barbie and wave at the crowd, even when you don’t want to, to get to do things that you do want,” She said, tugging her dress down.

“But I  _ don’t _ get to do things I want to do,” MJ argued back. “And lipstick won’t change that,” 

“First of all, I bet you anything that Clint’s doing up your eyes, no lipstick you’re too young, second, you got this dress for free from a mall ten floors down,” Natasha said. “Do you want your hair straight for this? Because Clint gets distracted too easily, he’ll burn your hair, why do you think mine's shoulder length?” 

“Is it going to get caught if it's curly, because my necklace is already tangling,” She said, pulling at it. 

“You bet your ass it will, turn around,” Natasha said. The flat iron was, concerningly, already warmed up. “This will only take about ten minutes,” 

_ “Ten?” _

“Oh hush, or it’ll be twenty,” 

\---

“Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow  _ OW _ ow ow-” Peter said as Pepper yanked a comb through his hair. “You’re making it  _ fluffy _ Ma’am!”

She looked down at him, raising her eyebrow. “When was the last time you brushed this Peter?” She said. “Is that a stick?” 

“It gets messed up on patrol sometimes,” Peter said, shrugging, making Loki snort from the corner. “And… I dunno, I just sorta…. Stick it in the sink sometimes. And I shower!” 

“I don’t know what you’re snorting at Loki, you’re next. And it’s not like your hair is any better,” Pepper said. “I can’t believe that Thor wasn’t going to help you get ready at all. You’re a teenager, what was he going to do, trust you?” She said. “You’re a teenager,” 

“He just jumps in the river and calls it a day,” Loki said snottily. “I think I would rather not swim with fish before a fancy event,” 

“Right, you just cover your hair in grease and call it good,” She said. 

“I hate to break it to you, but whatever you think is in that river, it’s nothing alive,” Peter said. “Probably a lot of disease,” 

“Note to self, do not allow physical contact with Thor for the foreseeable future,” Loki said, turning back to his magic book. 

“Loki, what are you doing, it’s making the room way hotter,” Pepper asked, squinting her eyes at the treaty ropes of magic that he was weaving around the spell book. 

_ “Whoa _ ,” Peter said, staring entranced by the magic. Loki shrugged, flipping to a different page and letting the golden threads fall and dissolve, the air returning to normal. 

“Peter, sit back down, I still need to put gel in this,” She said. “I don’t think I’m gonna get it wet first though,” She said, running a hand through it and making it stick straight up. “Geez, you’re is almost as bad as Tonys,” 

“Really?” Peter asked, hopefully. She shook her head, laughing. 

“Oh yeah, have you seen that man with motor oil in his hair?” She said. “Loki, while I work on Peter why don’t you go wash your hair in that sink over there, I want to see how it looks au natural,” 

“Fi-ine,” Loke said, pouting his way over to the faucet. “Do you have shampoo I can use?” 

“Yes on the right,” Pepper said. “Maybe off to the side a little Peter,” 

“What’s shampoo?” Peter asked. 

“Oh no…” 

“Oh  _ fuck _ ,” 

\---

“There MJ, doesn't that look great!” Clint said. “You’re so pretty. Like, just look at how pretty your bones are! You have great bones. And your  _ nose _ , I didn’t contour your face at all and it looks like that! I mean… you’re the definition of natural beauty!” He gushed, smoothing back her (now silky) hair to show her face. 

She had to begrudgingly admit, it did look good. And it definitely wasn’t anything she’d seen makeup wise on herself before. He’d left her facial features mostly unaltered, only highlighting and adding blush on the right areas, without any foundation at all. In fact, when she’d asked why he didn’t cake it on like her mom did she thought he was going to have a heart attack. Natasha was right, he’d left her lips, instead opting to do a purple smokey eye on her. “It looks… great,”

“Glad you think so! Now get your shoes on and meet me by the door, we have to leave in…” He looked at his watch. “Five minutes ago.” 

“Great,” She mumbled, grabbing the purse that they had insisted she bring, both swearing it was the best place to hide anything. Although to be fair where they were teaching her to hide weapons she was stashing books. Not like she could hide anything from them anyways. 

“Guys, hurry up Friday’s yelling at us!” Natasha yelled through the door. Clint nodded, sprinting out, subsequently messing up all of his clothing and hair, making Natasha sigh. She slipped on the heels, which were  _ much _ higher then she was used to, and cautiously stepped out. “You look great MJ. Come on, lets go,” 

\---

“I do not understand why you believe that this will-  _ ow _ , what are you doing?” Loki asked, trying to spin around. Pepper just yanked harder on his hair, tugging it up into a low bun. 

“Well if you had told someone that you had curly hair this would have gone easier for you,” She said. “But I dried it wrong because you didn’t tell me  _ you have curly hair _ , so I’m putting it up, and Natasha is dealing with it tomorrow,” She said. 

“Yes, putting it up, not-  _ owowow- _ yanking it out of my skull,” He said, trying again to get away. “This must be damaging,” 

“What's damaging is that you have smothered your hair in gel every day of your life up until now,” she said, racking the comb through harder. “I’m gonna use hairspray so it doesn't get frizzys. If you do not wash this out tonight we might decide you don’t deserve hair anymore,” 

“Wh- wait…” 

“Close your eyes,” she said cheerily, dousing his hair before he could protest any further. “There you go. Go get dressed. And check on Peter for me, I think buttons still confuse him,” She said. Loki sighed, muttering to himself as he pouted his way out the door. “And you better be ready to go in ten minutes!”

“Yeah yeah,” Loki yelled back. She sighed, smoothing down her black dress, staring at the wall for a moment. 

“I forgot something…” She said, checking her lipstick in the mirror. “Shit, Tony,” 

“Tony Stark claims to be completely fine dressing himself. However, he is coding in unice protocols to the extension of me put in the ballroom, which I do not believe you will be completely appreciative of,” Friday said. 

“I’m gonna kill that man,” She said, throwing her hands up. “Friday how long until we leave?” 

“You have about ten minutes Ma’am,” Friday said. “Should I terminate the coding?” 

_ “Yes,”  _

\---

“Psst,” MJ said, peering around the corner to Peter's room. She’d been given permission to sneak away while Natasha tried to, once again, explain to Client that he needs to  _ unbutton _ not rip his shirts off, and she had been warned that weapons would be used in the persuasion. “What are you…” 

“I’m trying to help him, but he does not seem competent enough to accept it,” Loki said, trying to help Peter, who was hopelessly tangled in his shirt. 

“Did he not unbutton it?” She asked, folding her arms. Loki tugged harder on the white button down, finally pulling a rattled Peters head through. She didn’t even want to know what was in his hair that kept it intact.

“You’re meant to unbutton them?” Loki asked. 

“No I don’t think so,” Peter said, shaking his head. “Oh! MJ!” 

“Hi,” She said flatly, sitting down. 

“You look… really… pretty…” Peter stammered, making Loki snort. 

“And therefore I have value?” She asked, grinning as Peter's face fell. 

“Wh- no that-s” 

“I’m kidding. You look… pretty too,” she said, shrugging.

“As much as I hate to interrupt the amusing mortal courtship,” Loki said, not sounding sorry, “Please help me free my hair. Mrs. Potts decided to intrap it and it is far from my preferred style,” 

“You think we’re risking angering Pepper?” Peter asked. “ _ Today?” _

“Or more so then we already are,” MJ added. “Besides, it looks good. Less… evil black squirrel like,” She said, shrugging. 

“If I didn’t fear your parents you would be paying for that comment right now,” Loki said. 

“I thought you were fearless,” Peter quipped. 

“I was until I woke up in full clown makeup. Your father is capable of too much,” Loki said. “No one should have that kind of power,” 

“Sorry to interrupt, but all children need to meet with their parental figures immediately,” Friday informed. “Loki should go with Peter, as Thor has been removed as an appropriate guardian,” 

“Is it already time to go?” Peter asked. 

“Yes, and they have requested help strapping Wade down,” 

“Oh there are so many jokes to make there it’s almost not even funny,” Mj said, making Loki laugh. 

“I don’t get it,” Peter said, tilting his head. 

“We know,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question, Loki clearly needs an adult, should Pepper just take him herself or should he be handed off to Steve and Bucky to even it out in the tower? IDK, I think that might be a fun shit show. Let me know!


	62. Excuse me, why you tho?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *yeets story at you* enjoy!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here yall go!!

“Alright everyone, I want to take this time to remind you, that this event will be photographed and videotaped, so please be good,” Pepper said through gritted teeth as they walked up. “I know not all of you are used to cameras, so just do your best to ignore them and act as normal as you can. Even if you have to fake it, just do what you can,” She said, opening the door before anyone had time to argue. 

She hadn’t been wrong. Peter was nearly blinded by the bright lights the moment they walked in, stumbling slightly and blinking. Before he had too much of a change to completely embarrass himself, Tony put a hand on his back, leading him through the reporters section fairly safely. He noticed that neither Loki nor MJ had nearly the issue with the lights he did, leading him to blame his enhanced senses. Although Steve and Bucky were also fine, so maybe he was just wimpy. 

The manor the gala was being held in was impressive enough alone. It was huge arching columns with intricate carvings lacing through them. The entire thing seemed cool tone, even down to the lighting, giving the appearance of looking at things through water. 

“Holy shit,” MJ whispered behind him, nudging his arm and pointing down. The entire floor was clear glass, allowing you to see several hundred feet of the atlantic ocean and the sea life in it. 

“This is officially the most terrifying place I’ve ever been,” Peter whispered back. 

“Or the coolest,” She replied, snapping a photo. “New background,” 

“Kids!” Natasha snapped from ahead. “Come on, stay close,” 

They hurried to catch up, both trying to avoid looking at the floor while they moved to try to keep from tripping. As they crossed from what appeared to be a type of dining room to the ballroom/dancing room/ a place for ‘mingling’ according to Pepper. 

“MJ, you go catch up with Natasha,” Pepper said, pushing MJ forward. She stumbled slightly, glaring at Pepper over her shoulder. Pepper just waved. “Alright, Peter, I’m going to go talk to the news crew. In half an hour we are all meeting up on that stage to address everything. Until then, please just stay with an adult,” She said. Peter nodded diligently, and with that was left alone. 

Unsure of where to go, he wandered around, looking for an adult to follow, ultimately ending up just hiding in the corner, trying to block out as much of the noise as he could. He’d never done well with loud noises or flashing lights, and it’d only been worse sense he’d gotten bite.

“Hello, our news crew saw you coming in with Tony Stark and the rest of the avengers. Would you be willing to answer some questions?” A small woman asked, showing a microphone in his face. 

“Uh-” 

“Perfect, how would you describe your relationship with the rest of the team? What is your reason for attending today?” the lady asked. He shot a panicked look around the room, clearing his throat. 

“It’s… well… I was told to?” He said, shrugging. 

“And who exactly was it who gave you permission to be here again?” The women said. 

“Uh…” 

“Do you even have permission at all? Is there a secret way in here that we don’t yet know about?” She said. He didn’t  _ see _ anyone walking up, but he did feel someone tugging sharply on the back of his jacket, and before he knew it, Clint was in front of him, talking nonsense too fast for Peter's brain to keep up before pushing him back to where Natasha was standing with MJ. 

“I told you they were gonna corner him,” Natasha said. 

“What just…” He asked, looking around, still bewildered. 

“Just keep an eye on him. I think Loki’s flirting with older men again,” Clint said, turning around swiftly, where Loki was seen talking in the corner with at least four men. 

“Great,” Natasha said, shaking her head. “Peter, don’t talk to anyone you don’t know, same for you MJ,” She said. 

“I didn’t try to! It just happened!” Peter said, shuffling his feet. 

“Why wasn’t Tony watching you?” She asked, scanning the room. “Tell you two what, I am going to go help Clint manipulate Loki and… other people. I want you two to go stick to Steve and Bucky, don’t let them get in trouble,” She said. They nodded dutifully, making their way over. 

“-really don’t think Colsons here Steve,” Bucky said, sighing. “Besides, he’s far from the creepiest person in this gala even if he  _ is _ here,” 

“He had a  _ picture _ of me on his  _ wall _ Buck, that’s- oh hey. Children,” Steve said. “Hi children.” 

“We got sent here because you two can’t be trusted, and according to Natasha I am disabled by my lack of birthdays,” MJ said, crossing her arms and taking a sip of… something. 

“What are you drinking?” Bucky asked, trying to smell her cup. 

“The blood of my enemies,” She said, not skipping a beat. 

“Who gave you wine?” Bucky asked, stealing the glass away from her. “In a red solo cup- isn’t this a fancy place?” 

“Yes, great observation Buck, we are in, as you said, a fancy place,” Steve said. “MJ don’t drink underage,” 

Peter and MJ gave each other a look, before grinning. “Hi, I’m captain america, and today we are talking about alcohol abuse. Now Alcohol has many appeles-” MJ said, in her best ‘I am Captain America’ voice. 

“Where did you see that video?” Steve asked, narrowing his eyes. 

“My school,” She said shrugging. 

“I’m sorry what video?” Bucky asked grinning.

“Nothing! Nothing…” Steve said. “Gee, has it been a half hour yet? Let’s um… here’s… is that Colson? Shit…” Steve said. “Well, I’m gonna go get us drinks- yeah…” Steve said, turning around and fleeing from the room. 

“Why does Colson scare him?” Peter asked. 

“Hell if I know,” Bucky said, shrugging. “It’s not like Colsons the creepiest,”

\---

“Alright, hello everyone, thank you for coming to the socially distanced Gala tonight!” Pepper said, grinning at the camera crew and gesturing for the team to follow her on the stage. She kept taking to the crowd while they shuffled on. “I’m going to allow Tony to say a few words before we get on with the announcements, thank you for your patients,” She said, handing off the mic. 

While Tony drowned on, interrupted periodically by laughter or hums of sympathy from the crowd, Pepper turned to face them. “Alright, I don’t want any of you to speak unless I make it  _ clear _ it’s okay, got it?” She said, smoothing her hair down. “No one talk to anyone, just sit still and be quiet, okay?” 

“Well I think I’ve already flexed my public speaking muscles enough, so I think I’ll let Pep fill you in on some of the news with SI now, okay?”

The crowd made noises of encouragement while Pepper took the mic, thanking Tony. “Thank you everyone. We would like to ask that everyone save your comments or questions for the end, we will be addressing everything,” She said. “First and foremost, we would like to announce the new eir to Stark Industries has been officially decided. We have the pleasure of introducing Peter Parker as our official eir,”

As soon as she made the announcement the entire crowd exploded in noise, yelling and flashing camera lights in both Pepper and Peters face. She gestured to Peter to stand up next to her from his chair, which he did, although nearly losing balance at his vision being completely ubscewered. Pepper put a tight hand on his arm, another on his back, keeping him upright. She waited for the noise to die down before restating that they would not be answering any questions at this time and excusing him back to his seat.

“Did I do okay?” He whispered to Tony when he sat down. 

“Well you did better than whatever Steve’s about to do,” Tony whispered, pointing to Steve, who looked like he was on the verge of passing out. 

“On the topic of children, I’m sure you’ve noticed there is another two kids on stage today-” 

\---

By the time that Pepper finally finished her announcements and opened it up to questions, Peter had to keep blinking aggressively to keep himself awake. “We will be starting the questening in order of announcement, so if anyone has questions for Peter, we will be taking five,” 

The room exploded in noise again, and Pepper finally called on a very round reporter in the front. “Peter, do you have any expectations to be integrated in the company earlier in light of how the baton was passed previously with Stark Industries?”

He looked between Pepper and Tony, unsure of how to answer. “Well… uh… not really? I’m not sure,” 

“We have yet to start any business training for Peter,” Tony said, smiling. “He’s still a little young and squishy for all of that,” He said, getting a laugh out of everyone. “But I promise he will be a much more stable leader for the company then me,” 

“Not a very impressive goal,” Pepper said, making them laugh again. She called on another reporter, who shouldered her way to the front. 

“Peter why should Tony give  _ you _ , rather than a more qualified or older teenager special treatment?” The lady asked. Peter stuttered slightly, looking between the two adults. 

“I realise none of you have access to his school work, but I promise you that Peter is more than qualified,” Tony said, his face still pleasant, but more forced. “I would suggest that you do more resource before you-” 

“Alright, moving on to the next topic!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, remember my question last chapter, here's a new idea. Loki, should he be adopted by Pepper and Tony or by Clint and Nat. Give me your thoughts...


	63. Frost Giants Melt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!!

Loki felt justified in his decision in  _ not _ explaining to anyone the fact that as a frost giant he didn’t exactly thrive in normal temperatures. And sure, wearing a full suit and sitting in a stuffy room under hot lights didn’t help much. So far he’d been thankful that he couldn’t blush, seeing as he didn’t have red blood, so he’d thought he’d been able to fly under the radar. 

Unfortunately passing out put a wrench in the plan. 

“What happened?” He asked, trying to sit up, and blinking to try and clear his vision. He quickly found he was being held down, making him panic, trying to fight the arm off. 

“Hold still,” A voice said above his head. He tried to twist around, still being pinned to the ground. “If you fight you’re going to make yourself sicker,” 

“Who-” He started, still trying to push up and shaking his head, only resulting in making himself dizzier. 

“Clint, let him sit up, he’ll keep fighting,” The voice from above his head said. The presser from on his chest disappeared and he shot up instantly, swaying side to side for a moment as his vision grayed out again. 

“Slow down, shit,” the other voice said. Loki kept blinking as the room came into focus. 

“Clint? Nat?” He asked, turning his head. “What…” 

“You passed out on stage, we drug you back here,” Natasha said. 

“Where are we?” He asked, bracing himself on the wall. 

“The kitchen,” Clint said. “It was the closest. We didn’t want to look suspicious dragging you around unconcuse like that,”

“Right. Well I can go now, if you would release me,” He said, trying to shake Clint off his arm. “I’m sure Pepper will be upset enough as it is,” 

“Pepper hasn’t even noticed, Wade broke out of the car and started twerking on stage to cover for you. And Steve's fighting the camera man again,” Natasha said, shaking her head. “Actually, they might not be covering for you, that might just be them, but either way she’d be distracted,” 

“And we aren't letting you leave until we know what's wrong with you,” Clint said seriously. 

“Or until he’s better. Right Clint?” Natasha said. 

“Sure, or that,” Clint said shrugging. “Either way, start talking,” 

“Well I am better, so the good news is you can release me,” Loki said, narrowing his eyes. 

“He’s so cute, thinking we’re gullible like that,” Natasha said, ruffling his hair, stopping with her hand still on his head. 

“Hey! What are you-” 

“We’re idiots. The whole team, we’re all idiots,” Natasha said. “Clint, touch his hand,” 

“What? No!” Loki said, moving away from them. Not that it helped. Clint put a warm hand over the back of his.

“Cold see,” Natasha said. “He has heatstroke,” 

“But it’s only like, seventy degrees in here at most,” Clint said. “And he’s  _ cold _ ,”

“Here, help me put him in the freezer, I’ll explain,” She said, throwing one of his arms over her shoulder. Clint did as instructed. 

“Put me in the  _ what _ ?” Loki asked. 

“Oh don’t worry, it’s a walk in,” Natasha said as Clint swung the door open. “Take off your jacket, it’s trapping heat,” 

“It can’t trap heat if he doesn't produce any,” Clint commented, leading to Natasha looking at him like he was the stupidest thing in the world. “Well if you don’t explain things to me I just don’t know them. That’s how this works.”

“He’s a frost giant, right,” Natasha said. “Their planet would be cold, thus the whole  _ frost _ thing. Which is why his core temperature is so cold, because to him it’s like living in a desert constantly. So we basically put him in a sona, in a full suit, and then filled it to the brim with noisy people and bright lights, no wonder he passed out,” 

“Oh, so he’s just not made for this climent,” Clint said nodding. “Why couldn’t we tell though, wouldn’t he be flushed?” 

“He is, see how he’s gotten paler?” She said. “I can confirm later, but I would bet you anything he doesn't have red blood, so when it flushes to his face you wouldn’t see it as redder,” She said, poking his cheek. 

“Hey! I’m fine, let me go,” Loki said, batting them away. 

“Why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t Thor say anything?” Clint asked. “Is it much cooler on asgard?” 

“No… it may be hotter,” Loki said, wrapping an arm around his middle. “But when it happens up there he just throws me in the lake,” 

“What about your parents? What would they do?” Clint asked. 

“Well that would imply that they stop admiring Thor long enough to notice that I was there, let alone ill,” Loki said, snorting. 

“...Natasha,” Clint said. “Na-ta-ss-a…” 

“Fine, but only because of this,” She said, this doesn't have anything to do with you,” 

“What does not?” Loki asked. “What’s going on,” 

“Oh, you’re ours now,” 

\---

“Alright, thank you all for your understanding, we will be continuing to answer online and individually for the rest of the night,” Pepper said, giving a tight lipped smile. “Everyone, a  _ word _ ,” She said, nodding her head aggressively to the back room. 

“I’m going looking for Clint and Nat,” Tony said, ducking out. Thankfully, Pepper seemed to be less upset with him than the rest so she let him go.

“What in the  _ holy hell _ where any of you thinking? Bruce, I told you to not get caught by the cameras, Steve,  _ you stuck a knife in the camera mans neck _ and Bucky you just cheered him on, Thor you broke a camera,  _ Wade, you’re HERE _ , Who knows what happened to Clint and Nat, and MJ as soon as your parents left, you got pain meds from a man in return for a ‘modeling shoot’ next week,” she said. “And Peter…” 

“I didn’t mean to get stuck to the camera!” Peter said, his face red. 

“At least he’s apologetic,” Pepper said. “So the world knows you’re spiderman now,”

“I really didn’t mean to!” Peter said, sinking further into himself. 

“Alright, MJ, you give me the drugs, I’m going to check with Tony. I need you all to mill about for a minute before we can go home, just try to not make anything worse,”

“Us? We would never,” Bucky said, giving her a shit eating grin. Pepper just narrowed her eyes. 

“Well, I’m gonna go put opioids in the punch,” MJ said, turning around only to be grabbed by Steve. “Hey!” 

“Come on MJ,” Bucky said. “You know you use hallucinogens when you spike punch,” He said, making Steve smack him. 

“Stick to alcohol,” Steve said. “And give me your drugs,” 

“No! My drugs,” She said. Steve just grabbed them from her hands, throwing them away. 

“You’re no fun,” She said, pouting. 

“Come on, let's get old rich men drunk,” Bucky said, elbowing her. That perked her up. 

\---

“Alright, why did Friday tell me you three where in a freezer?” Tony asked, stepping inside to address Clint and Natasha. 

“They refuse to release me!” Loki said from the corner. 

“He didn’t tell anyone that he’s freaking frost giant genes mean that he’s been overheating this whole time,” Clint said, scowling at Loki, who was still being pinned by Natasha. “He passed out from heatstroke,” 

“He did?” Tony asked. “When? He was on stage with us,” 

“He was until he collapsed,” Natasha said. “Around the same time Wade showed up,”

“Oh… thats gonna surface on the news later huh,” He said. “Cool, well I’ll let Pepper know we need to get home as soon as we can, you three just… keep chilling in the freezer then,” He said, turning around. 

“I’m fine, no one needs to leave early, just let me go,” Loki said, trying again to sit up.

“Ah, one of those,” Tony said, nodding. “I’m gonna go now, you two got him?” 

“Yeah,” Clint said grinning. Tony nodded, turning around. When he left, he was greeted with Pepper's face, a fair cross between angry and worried. 

“Is everyone alive?” She asked, tapping her head. 

“Somehow. Loki passed out. I think Clint and Nat are gonna steal him from Thor,” He said, shrugging. She nodded. 

“Good, someone needs to,” Pepper said, sighing. “They’re trying to spike the punch with hallucinogens,” 

“Who’s they?” Tony asked. “That could be half the team,”

“Ugh. great. Alright, let's try to get out in the next hour or so, alright?” She said, looking at her phone. 

“Sounds good, I’m gonna go try and smooth everything over the best I can, okay?” He said, kissing her cheek. 

“Bless you,” She said, giving him a quick hug. “I’m going to go beat Bucky with my heel,” 

“Alright, you do that,” He said. “Just be careful what they catch on camera, we don’t want anyone else becoming a meme,” 

“Don’t remind me,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I overheat all the time so I have some experience with this. Also, do you want me to just move back to the tower for the next chapter? Or another one at the gala. Let me know!
> 
> Also, don't take iron on an empty stomach. I think I'm dying.


	64. Creeps are everywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki, guess whaaaaaaaaaat!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meeaarrp.

“Excuse me, are you Michelle?” The newswomen said, leaning forward. She narrowed her eyes, closing her book. 

“Why?” she asked, crossing her arms. 

“Perfect, we just want to ask you a few questions,” The woman said. “First off, what a beautiful dress, what is this on your shoulders?” The lady asked, referring to the sheer scarf Natasha had draped around her in an attempt to hide her bony shoulders. Not that she said it was a problem, but creepy men. 

“244 years of racism in America,” She said, narrowing her eyes. The woman blinked awkwardly at her. 

“Um… alright, well how lovely you look tonight, tell me who you’re wearing tonight,” She said. The cameraman paned up and down her dress. Or she did until MJ ducked down. 

“Hey buddy, my eyes are up here,” She said. 

“Haha, of course. Who are you wearing?” The woman said again. 

“Clothing,” MJ said bluntly. 

“Alright. What is it like living with two of the most powerful humans in the world? Are you ever intimidated or scared by them?” The lady asked. 

“I don’t know what kinda childhood trauma you’re projecting onto me but-” She started, before Pepper stepped in front of her and answered the question.

“Go talk to your uncles,” She said, gesturing to Steve and Bucky. 

“Steve said no until he gets the drugs away from Bucky,” She said, making Pepper sigh.

“Well go find someone who will keep you in line, alright?” She said, pushing her away. MJ sighed pouting over to where Sam was sitting on his phone. 

“I was told to find the most boring person here,” she said, plopping down with a sigh.

“Thats fair,” Sam said. “They stuck Loki with me, but he just left,” He said, nodding to the empty chair. 

“Wait… so I can just go?” She asked. 

“No, because you won’t stab me,” He said, gesturing to the knife embedded in the wood. 

“Are you sure about that?” she asked, narrowing her eyes. He just raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. 

“Go ahead and try,” He said. “Really, I want to see if you’ll do it,” He said. 

“Well I don’t feel like it now,” She said, making Sam chuckle. “Trust me, I’ll get you one day, watch your back,” 

“Uh huh, you keep saying that,” He said. She huffed, crossing her arms across herself. 

“Do you know what happened to my parents?” She asked, looking around. “No one tells me anything here,” She said. 

“Uh, something happened with Loki I think. He fell or something,” He said. 

“Great, they’re gonna adopt him too,” She said. “That’ll backfire on them,”

“How so?” Sam asked, tilting his head. She snorted. 

“You’ve met them right? And Loki? I mean, it’ll be fun to watch but…” she said shrugging. “I’m gonna go find Peter,” She said, standing up. 

“No. Don’t,” Sam said convincingly. 

“Alright, bye,” 

\---

“Peter, old business friend of Tony’s here, I need to talk to you for a minute,” an old large man said. Peter wrinkled his nose at the man's overuse of cologne, looking around to see if anyone was there to save him, but he’d been completely abandoned. 

“Um…” He said, looking down. 

“Great, follow me into the back here, will you,” The man said, tugging on his elbow. Peter blinked, annoyed at being taken away from the crowd, but followed anyway. It’s not like he could get away without causing a scene. 

“Well- okay,” He stuttered, following. He got tugged into the closet, strangely enough, trying to keep himself as far away from the smell of the man as he could. 

“Listen,” the man said, dropping his voice. “Did you know I was in Tony’s Will? Hm?” He asked, his entire demeanor shifting.  _ “Eighteen _ years ago, actually,” He said, leaning closer so they were almost chest to chest.

“Sir, I don’t know what you’re-” 

“You know who’s got my place in that Will now bud? You wanna guess?” He asked. Peter narrowed his eyes, understanding what was happening. “That’s right, you.  _ You _ put me out of that, and I need you on the inside, working for me, got it?” He said. Peter just kept blinking, drawing his eyebrows together. 

“Sir, how could I have taken your place on the Will if you were on it eighteen variations ago?” He asked. “And I don’t see how I can convince Mr. Stark if he doesn't even remember you,” He said. This did not calm the man down, shockingly. 

“Listen, I don’t need you to be smart with me, I need you to talk to him. He remembers me, I know he does,” He said. Peter leaned away further, the increasing smell of alcohol and cologne. 

“I really don’t think he does, but I can pass it on for you,” Peter said, shrugging. “If you don’t mind I’m gonna… go… now…” 

“We’re  _ not done,” _ he shot out, latching his hand on Peter's arm. 

“Sir did you miss the part where they announced I was a superhero?” Peter asked. “Because I really don’t think that I would be doing this if we were in flipped situations,” He said, shrugging. 

“Oh what are you going to do, Tony’s friends with me, best. Friends. He’ll take my side over yours every time,” the man said, leaning forward further so Peter was pinned up against the wall. 

“Well alright Sir. Have a good day,” Peter said, ducking out under his arm. He had to wrestle himself away for a moment, but finally stumbled out, taking a deep breath once he was out. It only took him three minutes to find Tony and get him alone. 

“What’s going on Pete?” Tony asked with a pleasant smile. Peter winced, feeling bad about dragging him out of the conversation he’d been in, although Tony had thanked him for it.

“I… there was this man… I don’t know… he’s over there,” Peter said, pointing with a shrug. Tony's face fell when he saw the man he was pointing at. 

“Did he talk to you?” He asked. Peter shrugged, unsure of how to answer. 

“Meh,” He said, in a higher pitched voice then he’d wanted. 

“Shit, how’d he get in here,” Tony said. “Peter, I want you to stay here, find an adult to stay with and don’t let that weirdo near you alright?” Tony said. “Infact, there's Bruce, go sit with him, if you’re lucky he’ll be awkward enough to deter him,” Tony said, pointing to Bruce. 

“Why? Who is that guy?” Peter asked, tilting his head. 

“Just know he’s bad enough that I don’t want you hanging around him,” Tony said. “And I’m down with assassins and clowns in the tower,” 

“Alright,” Peter said, shuffling over to where Bruce was hiding. “Hi Mr. Bruce,” He said. 

“Oh, hi Peter,” Bruce said. “Why are you here?” 

“Mr. Stark thinks you’re safer than being alone, so I’m here,” Peter said. 

“Comforting to know it wasn’t by choice,” Bruce said. 

“Are you kidding? I literally had one of your papers framed on my old bedroom wall,” Peter said. “I could recite every word on that physics paper about gamma rays in everyday life,” 

“I’m sorry, what?” Bruce said, blinking. 

“Yeah! We learned about you in school! There’s a photo of you in science class. Although I think Dad probably provided it…” Peter said, shrugging. 

“Great, so it’s awful,” Bruce said, rolling his eyes.

“I… no! I didn’t say that…” Peter said, shrugging. Bruce pulled a face, rolling his eyes again. “But I’m not joking! Do you want me to start reciting it, because I totally can!” He said. 

“No no, please don’t remind me,” Bruce said. “That was one of the worst papers I wrote,” 

“No! It was my favorite at least,” Peter said. “But I read all of them. Although Dad wouldn’t let me bring it with me in the tower. I think he threw it in the lake,” He said. “But it’s on the internet, so I kept printing them and he kept throwing them away… anway,” Peter said. “I liked it.” 

“That’s… wow. Okay,” Bruce said. “And thats on the Gamma rays in… uh,” 

“Physical and Biological life!” Peter said, bouncing up and down a little. 

“Oh yeah, that was the one where I talked about how we could use it in transport and everything,” Bruce said. 

“Uh huh! And the airplane part was particularly interesting because-” 

\---

“Alright alright, I understand your concern, just please allow me a moment to sit up on my own!” Loki said, batting away Clint and Natasha. Natasha signed to Clint, silently telling him to let him have a moment. 

“Here’s what we’re gonna do when we get back Loki,” Clint said. “Thor and Bruce are on the same floor now, right? So you’re on your own floor alone?” He asked. 

“Yes, I don’t see what connotation that has at the moment,” Loki said, shrugging. 

“Great! So we can just take your stuff with us and move it into one of our spare rooms then!” Clint said, smiling. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Loki asked. “Why-” 

“We warned you you were being adopted, you didn’t think that we would joke about that, did you?” Natasha said. “You’ll be faster, your stuffs already in the tower,” she said. “No black walls though, maybe green,” 

“Oh yeah, that’d look good, like maybe a forest color or something?” Clint said. 

“Yeah with a white border,” She said, grinning. 

“Wh- Stop! No I’m not moving in or- no!” Loki said, shaking his head. 

“Aw, how cute, he thinks he gets a choice,” Natasha said, patting his head. “He’s like a… a sad baby bird or something,” She said.

“Yeah. A very greasy bird,” Clint said. “We’ll need to turn the temperature down though,” Clint said. “Maybe we could keep everything cold and his room extra cold?” 

“I bet that’d work,”She said, nodding. 

“No- I… you can’t just pick a kid to keep!” He said, shifting further away. 

“Uh, that’s how that it’s worked so far,” Clint said. Natasha nodded. 

“Do I get no say in this at all?” He asked. 

“Not really, let’s get going though, I don’t want to know what MJ’s been doing without us watching her,” Clint said. “She was already plotting something with the microphone,” 

\---

_ “It’s not that FUCKING hard, swing snap ROCK- _ ” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “244 years of racism in America,” damn I love writing MJ. 
> 
> Also, let me know if I screwed up anyone pronouns, I listened to true crime while writing this and for some reason, the talking can screw up pronouns for some reason... IDK why.


	65. Loki's so adopted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We can’t just tie you up in a room and keep you there,” Natasha said. “But, we can make sure that it would be… inconvenient for you… to not,” She said, grinning. “And, as I mentioned, we are close to Wanda. And Vision, of course,” She said. “It’s always very convenient to have someones search history,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brother got a gaming keybord on the computer I write on and I keep getting distracted by the pretty colors. RN it looks like an ocean...

“Alright,  _ Michelle _ , get off the stage-” Steve said, grabbing the microphone. “Where’s Buck?” He asked looking around, making her giggle even more. “MJ where’s Bucky?” 

“He’s… getting some punch,” She said, shrugging. 

“He’s…” He looked over seeing Bucky pouring  _ something _ into the punch bowl. “Bucky! What the  _ fuck _ are you- wait… no cursing… cameras- get over here,” He stammered, grabbing his husband by the back of his shirt. “What was that?” 

“Well we’ll see when it hits that old womens bloodstream,” Bucky said, shrugging. 

“Shit!  _ No one drink the punch!” _

\---

“Nope, nope, no way,” Loki said, standing up, thankful he didn’t pass out, probably from spending time in the freezer. Still, he definitely stumbled a fair amount, which was probably not working in his favor. “I- this is ridiculous,” He said. “I am an adult-” He was interrupted by Clint snorting at him. 

“First of all, we adopted Wanda retroactively, and she’s 19,” Natasha said. “So you don’t get out on that plea,” She said. “Hold on, how old would that have made her when we met her? We’ve known her for a while,” She said. 

“Oh geez, she would have been around Peter and MJs age then,” Clint said, furrowing his brow. “Well shit,” He said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Anyway… you don’t really get a choice. You’re ours now,” 

“I’m thousands of years old! I don’t need anyone's supervision!” He said, glaring. They sighed, looking at each other.

“Alright, sit down,” Clint said. Loki narrowed his eyes, sinking so he was kneeling on the floor. “We know you don’t need anyone to watch you for you to survive, or for emotional support… whatever… stuff,” Clint said, waving a hand. 

“But,” Natasha said. “Just because you are able to survive, does not mean we think you’ll be safe,” She said, “Infact, we know you aren't, because we’ve talked to Thor, and we’ve seen you interact with anyone. Think of it as a protective measure if you need to,” She said, shrugging. 

“Wh- no! No it’s… I’m fine! I don’t… no!” He said indignantly. “Why can’t I just keep doing what I was already? It’s not as if I was harming anyone,” He said, crossing his arms. 

“Fine. You know what, if you really  _ really _ feel like you are going to be better off alone, fine,” Natasha said, shrugging. “We can’t keep you somewhere against your will,” She said. 

“I- what?” Loki asked. 

“Yeah, what?” Clint asked, giving her a very confused look. 

“We can’t just tie you up in a room and keep you there,” Natasha said. “But, we  _ can _ make sure that it would be… inconvenient for you… to not,” She said, grinning. “And, as I mentioned, we are close to Wanda. And Vision, of course,” She said. “It’s always very convenient to have someones search history,” 

“...Okay,” Loki said, looking down. Clint looked between the two of them. 

“Okay? Okay okay? You’ll come with us?” He asked. Natasha nodded. 

“Yeah,” Loki said, glowering. Clint continued to look utterly baffled, but nodded like he understood. 

“Alright. Well… okay,” He said, nodding. “We should… I guess we should probably get going, I don’t know how long we can hid out in the freezer,” He said. 

“Why can’t we go back to the Gala?” Loki asked, huffing. 

“Because it’s to hot for you in a suit,” She said. “We’re gonna cool off our apartment enough that you can be in there, and we can keep your room even colder,” Nat said, adjusting her dark green skirt. “I don’t want you spending to much time in the heat for you, okay?” She said. 

“Don’t you think thats a bit extreme?” Loki asked. 

“No,” they both said. 

“Hmph,” He huffed leaning back. “I think its extreme,” 

\---

“I want all of you to just smile and wave,” Pepper said before they walked out. “Theres going to be a dozen cameras, and lots of flash, and lots of people yelling questions. Just look pleasant and walk to the car as quickly as you can, alright?” She said. They all nodded. “Good, Peter I want you behind someone, alright? With the lights,” She said. 

“Yes Ma’am!” He said, nodding earnestly, making Pepper laugh. 

“Alright,” she said. “Let’s go,” 

They basically jogged to the car, Peter following his orders by keeping himself pretty directly behind Tony. There were only a few people who stood directly in front of them, and it turns out that, while the reporters were bold, no one was going to challenge the avengers directly for a interview, so they got in the car pretty fast.

“I can’t believe we actually got out,” MJ said, “I thought they might not let us leave,”

“I’m just glad to take my mask off,” Sam said, taking his off. They all looked at him. “Oh please tell me that you all wore masks,” 

“I did,” Bruce said. Everyone else shook their heads. 

“Great, so we all have COVID,” Sam said, shaking his head. 

“I already told you, everyone here's been vaccinated,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. “I don’t know why you guys keep forgetting.” 

“At least for public appearances,” Pepper said. “Really we should have been wearing them the whole time,” She said. “At least no one else there was either,” 

“No, that’s worse,” Sam said. “You see how that's worse, right?” He asked. 

“Uh, what time is it?” Steve said, rubbing his face. Thankfully he had managed to not fall asleep threw the whole night. 

“Almost two AM,” Bucky said. He didn’t look particularly tired. “When you get up and I go to bed,” 

“Hmph,” Steve said, leaning his head on Bucky's shoulder.

“Great, he’s gonna be asleep by the time we get back,” Bucky said while Steve snuggled closer into his neck. “Ew,” 

“You know, why is no one in the tower normal? I just want two people to be normal, is that so much to ask?” Sam said, shaking his head. “Just… one person even. One person,” He said. 

“Sorry Sam,” Peter said, patting Sam's back. “We didn’t mean to,”

“Yes we do,” Tony said.

“I don’t mean to,” Peter amended. Sam sighed. 

“Thanks Peter,” Sam said, shaking his head. 

The car ride back was pretty quiet. Happy wasn’t driving them, as his older mother lived with him, putting her at high risk, but he was still being paid. Still, the new driver, an older man who’d lost his job at a restaurant, wasn’t exactly bursting with enthusiasm or conversation. Although, he seemed pretty loose with his driving, most likely why Tony hired him, speeding the entire way back. When they finally pulled into the garage, Peter and MJ were immediately sent upstairs to bed while Clint and Nat got Loki’s bed moved. 

Still, the moment that MJ got ready for bed, her makeup long gone and her hair in a messy bun, completing the cliche look with Peters hoodie and running shorts, she crept down to Peter's room, where he was trying to rinse his hair in the sink. 

“Aaah! Hey MJ!” He said, sitting up so water ran down his face onto his chest. Thankfully it seemed he’d gotten distracted halfway through getting dressed, so he wasn’t wearing any shirt. “Can you hand me… uh… shirt…” He said. She laughed, tossing him a t- shirt.

“Here,” She said while Peter towled off his hair, making it stick up, even after he pulled his shirt over his head. “You look like a startled deer,” 

“Hey!” He said, flopping on his bed. “That was rude!” 

“Oh wait- let me take it back now,” She joked, sitting down close to Peter. Peter narrowed his eyes, but hugged her anyway. 

“Are you not tired?” He asked, tilting his head. “It was a really long night,” 

“Meh,” She said, shrugging. “I guess, but they’re moving Loki’s stuff into his room, and those three apparently can’t agree on anything,” she said. 

“I forgot about that,” Peter said, “I still can’t believe they didn’t know he was a teenager,” 

“Right? He’s so dramatic,” She said. “He’s basically a theater kid,”

“Are you upset that he’s moving in?” Peter asked. 

“Are you kidding? Maybe now that they have Loki to watch I can get away with more,” She said. “Besides, Loki’s cool,” 

“You know they’ll still catch you,” Peter said. 

“I’m just hoping that they’ll catch me too late,” She said. Peter laughed. 

“I’m gonna get a snack, do you want food?” Peter asked, standing up so her head flopped on the pillow. 

“No!” She said. “Clint forced me to eat a ridiculous amount of cake before Loki like… died or something,” She said. 

“He only made you eat half a piece,” Peter said. “I’m gonna get you some food. Yeah…” Peter said. 

“Not hungry!” She called out.

“Don’t care!” 

\---

“Why can’t we just put the bed in the corner and leave it at that?” Loki groaned, flopping on the floor. He would (begrudgingly) admit that it was much more comfortable in the significantly cooler room. Infact, he even felt a little chilly in the room, and the rest of the apartment was comfortable for him. Clint and Natasha told him several times that Clint ran warm and Natasha was russian. And they where hoping that MJ might be more willing to eat to stay warm if she was cold. Loki was pretty sure this was flawed logic, but they swore she’d be fine. 

“You’d be fine with this is if we where painting it black,” Clint said, holding a dark green stained paintbrush. 

“If you’re tired you can go lie down on the sofa,” Natasha offered. Loki narrowed his eyes. He wouldn’t admit weakness like that. 

“No. I’m supervising you,” Loki said. The room was actually pretty close to done. The paint was fast drying, in fact most of it was already dry, only what was just painted that moment was shiny and wet. All they had to do now was drag a bed in and Clint and Nat had promised he’d be let go. 

“Why don’t you go get ready for bed while we finish?” Clint sudjusted. Loki was going to protest, but his clothes were bugging him, and the paint was making him sick. “We have cloths in the bathroom attached to this room for you, and we should be done if you take a shower,” 

“Fine,” Loki said, pouting.

They weren't wrong. When he came out, wearing black plaid flannel pants and a sarcastic black shirt, everything was done and they where waiting on his bed. Really,  _ everything _ was done. His bed was in the center of the wall and made neatly, there was a rug and a semi-full bookshelf, a desk, and even posters on the wall. 

“We’ll finish tomorrow,” Clint said. “Natasha says we need to sleep,” 

“I said you where going to fall asleep on something,” She said, rolling her eyes. “We’re gonna go track down MJ, you good in here?” She asked Loki. 

“Uh…” 

“Great! See you in the morning!” She said, leaving. 

“Um…” 

“I’m making pancakes!” Clint added, leaving.

“Uh…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... IDK why this is so long. Anyway, hope you like this!! Xoxo!!


	66. .............drugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sad and angry all the time. Anyway, here's fanfic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you hate it I don't blame you.

Apparently they weren't joking about the pancakes. 

“Wake up! I made two hundred and thirty  _ seven _ pancakes and you’re eating half of them!” Clint yelled, beating a literal  _ cowbell _ above Loki’s head. “Come on! You’re not dead are you?” He said, while Loki rolled over. “Nope! Come on, get up! Lot’s of pancakes…” He said. 

“What time is it?” He asked groggily, checking the clock. 

“Pancake time,” Clint said. 

“Nine thirty!” Natasha yelled, presumably from the kitchen. 

“Too early,” Loki decided, rolling over and placing a pillow over his head. Clint seemed prepared for this, because before he knew it the pillow was gone and he was being dragged out of the bed forcefully. “Hey!” 

“Come on, I wasn’t kidding, we have a  _ lot _ of pancakes,” Clint said. 

“Can you not give them to one of the superhumans and leave me be?” Loki asked groggily. 

“Well I could… but I didn’t make them for the super humans did I?” Clint asked. “Besides, we just give Peter our leftovers anyway, I don’t think that kids are ever full,” Clint looked around for a moment, taking in the room. “I think we should get some wall art up here today, make it look less like a guest bedroom,” 

“Hmph,” Loki said. 

“Loki, if you don’t come to the bar right now and eat at least one pancake I’m letting MJ fill your pillowcase with syrup!” Natasha called. That got him up. 

“Alright, alright, I am going!” He said, brushing himself off and standing up. “Geeze,” 

They definitely went about joining the pancakes. They were everywhere. He couldn’t imagine anyone eating even half of what Clint had made. “Here’s a plate,” Natasha said, handing him a semi-reasonable serving. 

“How long have you been awake?” Loki asked, looking around slightly in awe at the sheer number of pancakes taking up most of the kitchen. “I don’t remember these from last night,” 

“About twenty minutes!” Clint said cheerfully. Natasha raised an eyebrow. 

“He’s been up for twenty minutes, he spent two hours before that pressing snooze every three minutes,” She said, shaking her head. “He’s not exactly a morning person,” She said. 

“Then why don't we all sleep in and everyone stays happy,” He grumbled, sitting on the designated bar stool. “It’s pointless if no one wants to be awake,” 

“No, see the thing is,” She said. “He does want to be awake, he’s just not a morning person, so it’s a struggle for him,” She said. 

“Great,” He said. “Why do I have to be awake if Michelle isn’t?” 

“MJ is… Natasha I lost our daughter!” Clint yelled. Natasha sighed, looking around. 

“She probably went down to Tony's floor,” Natasha said. “I bet she’s with Peter,” She said shrugging. “Friday? You have a location on MJ?” 

“Michelle is currently viewing footage with Peter Parker of last night's events,”Friday said. “They seem to find the news clips rather amusing,” 

“How much did she eat before she went down?” Clint asked, leaning on the bar. 

“About 60 grams of pancakes, plus half an orange,” Friday informed. “Would you like me to contact her and tell her this was not a satisfactory portion?”

“Not great but it’s fine,” Natasha said. “Thanks Friday,” 

“You are most welcome,” The AI said, presumably going offline. 

“I’m not eating the pancakes,” Loki said, pointedly pushing away his plate. Natasha narrowed her eyes at him. Clint seemed to have already slipped away to do something or other in Loki's room. 

“You’re ingesting pancakes, it doesn't matter if you chew and swallow them or not,” She said threateningly. “But I will bet that chewing is a more comfortable rout for you,” 

“You can’t force feed me pancakes! I’m a god!” Loki said. 

“You also said we couldn’t adopt you, and look how that one turned out,” She said. “Eat up,” 

\---

“Oh my  _ gosh, look _ at your face here,” MJ said, pointing to Peter's scared face on the news footage. “I have a new background,” 

“I thought it was gonna be the ocean floor,” Peter grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I guess millennials like you too, check out these buzzfeed articles. ‘Eighteen Reasons Why Peter Parker Is The Future We Need But Don’t Deserve,’ ‘Son of Tony Stark Steals Nations Hearts,’ ‘Older Women Are Throwing Themselves At SI Prodigy Online-” 

“Okay we can stop now,” Peter said, stealing her phone away. “Oh look! You’re on the news now!” Peter said, pointing to the various shots of MJ yelling at news crews, or the time she wrote BLM in lipstick on the bathroom walls. “Look how pretty you looked!” 

“ _ Looked?” _ She said. 

“I- er… I mean… I look… like… currently I mean… you’re really pretty now… duh,” He stammered. She just laughed, turning up the TV volume. They vaguely heard crashing from upstairs, and what sounded like Loki yelling something they couldn’t make out. 

“What do you think is happening up there?” She asked, looking up. 

“It sounds like Loki’s being force fed,” Peter said. “He’s not happy about it, but Natasha’s a lot stronger than him,” He said. “Loki’s trying to use magic, but she’s really good at telling what's real and what's not… she’s talking about how Wanda does the same thing… blah blah blah… Oh shit,” 

“What?” She asked, invested now. 

“Loki just said something, and now Natasha has him in a headlock, and… yeah she’s… well he ate the pancake, so I guess it’s a success,” He said, shrugging, “I donno, but… oh shit he’s dead,” Peter said. 

“Literally or figuratively?” She asked. “I mean, I don’t care either way, but funeral dresses are  _ super _ itchy,” 

“Well, he told her that he’d rather swan dive off of the building into a twenty story building into a- er… orfus of… someone. Okay uh…  _ wow _ that’s… descriptive and- oop she’s got a gag in his mouth,” Peter said. “She clearly has the upperhand in this altercation,” 

\---

“Hey Bruce?” Tony asked, swinging into the lab casually. “What would you say would be the neurological effect on someone who decided to go completely cold turkey on all drugs and alcohol?” Tony said innocently. 

“Well, you're a scientist Tony, you would be able to tell. It would mostly be based on the general daily concoction, why?” Bruce said, staring back at the billionaire. “Oh dear heaven, you’re not planning on quitting cold turkey, are you?” He asked. Tony just laughed, shaking his head. 

“Meh, concittering, we’ll see,” He said. 

“At the level of alcohol you are consuming on a daily basis, you would need to wean down for weeks, at least two months. And don’t get me started on the  _ drugs _ you’re on,” Bruce said. “I mean, it’d be… remarkable if you were completely clean in a year, and even then relapses happen,” He said. 

“Cool, so I’m burning all my drugs, if you have something you want to burn just let me know, uh…” Tony said, looking around. “Yeah. we’re lighting it up in about two hours,” 

“Well first of all I would like to burn Thor, if he’s in the hospital maybe I can get some alone time,” Bruce said, shaking his head. 

“He  _ luuuuuve you _ ,” Tony said in a obnoxious voice. 

“But you are not quitting cold turkey Tony, that’ll kill you,” Bruce said. “I mean, the alcohol alone is dangerous, and then the drugs to top it off, I just… that can’t possibly be… it’ll screw with your brain chemistry,” 

“Well I’m doing it,” Tony said. “Try and stop me,” 

“No- Tony get back here!” Bruce yelled, following the scientist out of the room. “Tony,  _ come back here and take your illegal drugs Tony!”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elton John has a song called 'I think I'm Gonna Kill Myself' which is both something I should have known sooner, and the most Tony song in the world. Give it a listen!


	67. Strange chapter huh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony,” He said, sounding incredibly tired. Not sleepy, just tired of them. “If what Doctor Banner just told me is true you are in… imminent danger of… so many things. Why didn’t you contact a medical professional before doing this?” He asked. 
> 
> “I was bored,” Tony said, shrugging. 
> 
> “You decided to put yourself through the most painful withdrawals of every medication known to man, in the most dramatic way possible, with no help whatsoever, because you were bored?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dkahleiuhfdjehjfksdfdk

“Tony, Peter told me he could smell a fire, what did you do?” Pepper asked, pausing when she saw the giant bonfire in the middle of the lab. “Tony!” 

“No no no, see, I’m being responsible,” Tony said from across the fire. “Uh, here, come stand behind the smoke with me,” 

“Are you insane!” She asked. “Bruce you let him do this?” she asked. 

“You think I can stop that man?” Bruce said. 

“Uhg, this doesn't smell like a normal fire,” She said, trying to wave away the smoke while walking back around to where Tony was standing. 

“Well, that’s what happens when you burn drugs,” Tony said, shrugging. 

“Ready to go sir,” Friday said. 

“When you burn what?” Pepper asked, spinning to look at Tony. “Tony? Tony what are you doing?” She said. 

“Let ‘em go,” Tony said. “Everyone take a few steps back,” 

\---

“No. It’s ridiculous, I’m several thousand years old, I do not need a curfew,” Loki said. “I spent three weeks as a rat in New York sewers back in december, why should I need to be home by ten?” He asked. 

“I’m sorry you did what?” Clint asked. 

“Well if you think it’s unfair we can always make it nine thirty,” Natasha said shrugging. Loki narrowed his eyes as her, wrapping his arms around his knees and pulling his hood up over his brow to block as much of the vision as he could. Clint just grabbed it, pulling it back down. 

“Hey!” He said, pulling his hood back up. Clint put it back down, grinning at him. “That was incredibly rude,” He said, scooting away. 

“Come on, let's pick out some stuff for your room,” Clint said, opening the laptop sitting on his bed. Loki looked around the green room with a sceptical face.

“What is left to pick out,” He said, glowering. “There is nothing left I need,” He said. 

“Well we want to decorate at least a little,” Clint said. 

“And you need a laundry hamper, more books for sure, maybe some more clothing too. Less hoodies,” Natasha said, shaking her head. 

“I like hoodies,” He said. He was well aware he sounded like a little kid, but he didn’t really care. Natasha shot him a wuthering look, shaking her head. 

“Well you overheat constantly,” Natasha said. “I don’t think hoodies are the best idea when it’s already too hot for you,” 

“We could cut the sleeves off his like I did with all my shirts,” Clint offered. “The sleeves keep getting caught in the bow string, it made it difficult on missions,” 

“Why would… no,” Loki said. 

“Come on, here’s a hamper that looks like the depths of hell,” Natasha said, turning the hologram laptop to him. 

“Oh?” 

\---

“Hey Mr. Wade?” Peter asked, dropping down into the basement on one of his webs. “I’m going on patrol and I need help with something,” He said. Wade, who was drawing  _ something _ disturbing on the wall. 

“What does spidey boy need help with?” Wade asked, spinning around in his chair. 

“Uh… so the thing is… I need a distraction, and I’m worried about using someone who can get… you know…” Peter said, shrugging. 

“Killed, got it. So who are we gonna fuck up?” Wade asked. “Am I gonna get in trouble for helping you? Because I’m building rapport with this evil monster thing,” He said. 

“Um… alright so… it’s, I dunno… okay so there's this gang and they like… steal kids and stuff, so I need to get inside, but it’s super guarded, and I need the kids out before I start… fighting them. Cuz I don’t want anyone… hurt or anything,” Peter stammered. Wade raised an eyebrow. 

“Cool, love killing pedofiles,” Wade said, hopping up. “Let me grab my killing unicorn,” 

“Your what?” Peter asked, narrowing his eyes. Wade bent down, grabbing something from below the floorboards, pulling up a large gun. “Did you superglue a stuffed unicorn to a machine gun?” 

“Shh,” Wade said, covering the unicorns ‘ears’ and hushing him. “He doesn't know he’s stuffed yet,” Wade said. Peter narrowed his eyes at the man, pulling his mask over his head slowly. 

“Alright, well I’m leaving now, if you want to put pants on,” Peter said. “Please wear real pants this time, I don’t want to see you in thigh highs again,” 

“I guess because you’re a minor,” Wade said, pulling on his suit pants and the mask to boot. “You know, I’m really enjoying this whole being hot again thing, I don’t know what Tony did to me, but it’s great,” 

“I think it has something to do with the ageing cell restoration thing, but I really don’t know,” Peter said, shrugging. 

“I don’t care what it is, I just like being hot,” Wade said. “It’s a rather useful distraction,” He said, making Peter shudder. 

“I don’t like that,” Peter said, shaking his head. 

“It’s great, I don’t even need to wear my stripper deadpool costume over my real costume now, I can go full skin,” Wade said. 

“Alright, just make sure you're ready,” Peter said, narrowing his eyes further so it was pretty much just a white line on the mask. 

“Uh huh,” He said. “Let me get my other ‘unicorns’.” 

“Gross,” 

\---

“Alright, I think that’s definitely toxic,” Tony said, staring at the black billowing smoke. “Maybe we should just… here let's go upstairs Pep,” Tony said, taking a step back while Pepper coughed into her hand. 

“Uh, why is it so thick,” She said, referencing the smoke she was trying to wave out of her face. Bruce followed them, not particularly concerned. 

“Do you think it’s the alcohol or drugs making it smoke like that?” Bruce asked, pulling the collar of his shirt over his face. “Ugh, wow it’s really strong, huh?” 

“Tony what did you do?” Pepper asked while Tony slammed the door behind them in the stairway. “Ugh, it stinks,” 

“Good news, I’m not taking drugs anymore,” Tony said, grinning. She cocked her head. 

“No, really, what did you do?” She asked. 

“He’s not lying, I saw him do it,” Bruce said, glaring at Tony. 

“Wait… really?” She asked, turning to look at Tony who shrugged. 

“Yeah,” He said. “I just sorta… threw it all there,” He said, gesturing to the smoky room. “It should burn itself out soon enough,” 

“Please tell him that was irresponsible,” Bruce said. “You know that withdrawals are a thing, right?” He said. “Even alcohol withdrawals alone would be bad enough that you should be supervised by a medical professionals,” 

“Meh,” Tony said, shrugging. 

“Wait, no Tony, not meh,” Pepper said, glaring at him. “No meh, that can kill people, right? Withdrawals can kill people, when they’re physically addicted,”

“And I am sure Tony is well beyond physically addicted at this point,” Bruce said. “Actually it might be a interesting case study…”

“Would be if anything was gonna happen Brucie,” Tony said, leaning on the wall. “But I’m gonna be completely normal,” 

“Really?” Bruce said. “You honestly think you are going to be able to quit cold turkey on the level of drugs and alcohol you were on in the first place, and furthermore, have absolutely no symptoms?” He asked. “I mean… good luck,” 

“Thank you,” Tony said. “I’ll be sure to remember you when I’m famous- oh wait,” 

“See, withdrawals already, Tony would never forget he’s famous,” Bruce said, narrowing his eyes at his friend. “I’m calling Strange,” 

“Oh- Bruce! Bruce I was joking!” Tony yelled. Bruce had already left, jogging up the stairs to his apartment. “Great. You believe me, right?” He asked Pepper. 

“You just burnt your drugs and alcohol, I don’t even think this is Tony anymore,” She said, kissing him. Which was the moment that Strange seemed to choose to step through the portal. 

“Tony,” He said, sounding incredibly tired. Not sleepy, just tired of them. “If what Doctor Banner just told me is true you are in… imminent danger of… so many things. Why didn’t you contact a medical professional before doing this?” He asked. 

“I was bored,” Tony said, shrugging. 

“You decided to put yourself through the most painful withdrawals of every medication known to man, in the most dramatic way possible, with no help whatsoever, because you were bored?” Strange asked, rubbing his face. 

“Pretty much,” Tony said, shrugging. “Anyway, I don’t think I’m gonna do the withdrawal thing though,” 

“What do you- Tony no one wants to do that, but everyone does anyway,” Pepper said. 

“Nah, I’m good,” Tony said, shrugging. “Just… not taking drugs now,” 

“You think that now,” Strange said. “Wait 24 hours and get back to me,”

“Will do,” Tony said. “Anyways, Sam’s here somewhere if you wanna argue with him again,” He said, shrugging. Strange sighed. 

“In my defence, I wasn’t arguing with him, I was simply… explaining why what he was trying to do could be solved with neuroscience,” Strange said. 

“Alright Stephony,” Tony said. 

“You are absolutely forbidden from calling me that,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HHHHHope you liked it!!!! Idk what's wrong with me rn... but something. ANyway, love all of you!


	68. Meep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How do you accidentally kill someone?” 
> 
> “What do you mean, I do it to you all the time,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeet.  
> yeot  
> yeetith  
> yot

“Okay Mr. Wade, I’m up above the kids rooms now, they look empty, but I’m gunna scan just to be safe. There’s a window in here I can let any of them down threw if I find any. You remember the cover story?” Peter asked. 

“Uh, stab and run?” Wade asked. 

“That was last time- you know what, just start ad libbing and try to take up enough of their time that I can check, alright?” Peter said, sighing.

“Copy,” Wade said over the com, and Peter heard him knock on the door. “Hello, I’m trying to raise money for my girl scout troop-” 

Peter zoned him out while crawling down the wall, peeking in the rooms. He only found two kids hiding together, and lowered them down via web and pointed to where Eddie, a guy who kinda reminded him of Bruce he’d met a while back was waiting to take them to the police. 

“I got them,” Peter said fiddling with the com. “Is this on? Hello?” 

“Hello?” Wade said. “Oh, sorry… voices,” 

“Yes! Mr. Wade, I got the kids out, Eddie has them, don’t shoot yet,” Peter said, scuttling as fast as he could. 

“I got heard all clear?” Wade said. “Oh! Can I try and strangle them with my thighs like Natasha? O-o-oh that sounds  _ so _ hot-” 

“Mr. Wade! Mr. Wade no! Don’t do anything yet Mr. Wade!” Peter said. “They’ll scatter!”

“Fine fine, oh shit, they heard me talking- you hooo!” Wade said, before the audio cut out. 

Peter cursed under his breath, crawling faster and dropping threw the hole he’d made to get up, finding the men in question thoroughly pummeling Wade, who looked more like a pile of muscle blood and bones at the moment. Great. 

“Hey, I don’t know if anyone’s thought to tell you guys, but we tend to include murder as one of the big no-no’s,” He said, grabbing a guy with his web and yanking up hard so his head cracked on the ceiling. “Ouch, I’ll admit, that was on me,” 

“What the fuck are you?” One of them said, narrowing his eyes. 

“Hungry, next question,” Peter said, swinging down to ground level and decking a guy right in the jaw. “Oh, that one looked like it hurt, sorry,” 

“Yo ever been in a fight before?” A guy to his right said, powering up his gun with a menacing wherring. 

“No I just woke up in the suit today,” Peter said. “Oh, dude, are you all really white guys with cornrows? Really? No wonder your pedo’s,”He said, kicking a guy in the face. 

“What is this stuff,” A particularly large man he’d webbed to the building said, squirming in the webbing. Peter laughed, dodging the bullets from the first guy with ease. 

“Well, in the past no one’s been interested in the fragility flexibility ratio, but hey, there’s a first time for everything,” He said. The fight continued to go well, Wade was reforming on the pavement nicely, and he had almost all the guys down. In Fact it was going great. Until the octopus tentacle came out. 

\---

“Strange! You’re… here,” Sam said, looking at Strange in mild disgust. 

“You know I still think your profession is fake, right?” Strange asked, adjusting his cape. 

“You know I still think your profession is full of pricks who are too eager to cut into someone's brain without any for or after thought on the effect it will have on their mental and emotional stability, and are focused on prolonging the surgery to ensure a higher paycheck, right?” Sam asked in response. 

“...you still wear a flying bird suit,” Steven said, grabbing his cup of tea. 

“Says the guy with a living cape!” Sam said. “Okay you’re… gone,” He sighed, sitting back down. “Anyway Natasha, what was your problem again?” 

“I need you to, please, for the love of everything, shoot my husband in the mouth,” She said, glaring at the vents. 

“Okay… why?” Sam asked. “I’m not saying no, but… why?” 

“He won’t  _ stop _ making his clown voice,” Natasah said. “And I’m going to kill him myself soon anyway, I thought it might be easier coming from you,” 

“What’s a clown voice?” He asked. 

_ “I don’t see what the big deal is,” _ One of the most  _ terrifying _ voices Sam ever heard said from the vents, making him jump. He looked up, narrowing his eyes.  _ “I’m just messing around Tasha,” _

“Clint I will beat you!” Natasha yelled upwards. 

“I- that’s not Clint, that’s a demon,” Sam said. 

“Let me know if you need a gun,” She said, turning around to leave. 

_ “Don’t leave Tasha,” _ Clint said from the vents, before laughing , sounding more like Goofy on drugs than a human. 

“Get out of the vents Clint, don’t make me get the flash bombs,”

\---

“Tony, this is so irresponsible, are you kidding,” Bruce said, taking his blood while Tony fiddled with his phone. “I mean, aside from the fact that I’m not at all surprised,  _ I can’t believe you. _ You’re gonna kill yourself going cold turkey,” 

“It’s been two days and I don’t feel anything,” Tony said, shrugging. “In the typical withdrawal case one would have already hit the peak of withdrawals by now, and they almost always start within 12 hours, when are you gonna except I’m fine?” He asked. 

“Because there’s no way you’re fine, your blood alcohol toxicity level was a 1.70.  _ One _ point seven oh, this is… it’s being impossible it’s… medically speaking you should have died two days ago,” 

“I’m medically impossible for a lot of reasons,” He said. “Can I go yet?” 

“Not yet, I promised Strange a scan or two of your brain,” Bruce said, swishing around the blood in the vile. 

“Ew, he’s gonna publish me in a case study or something,” Tony said, tapping something on his phone in quick succession. “Plus CT scans are annoying,” 

“Whatever, I want to make sure your brain isn’t bleeding,” Bruce said, sealing the blood in a cooler. “What are you doing on there? Should I be worried?” He asked. 

“I’m trying to do damage control after the gala. Pepper’s losing it with all the PR damage,” He said. “Most people seem to like Peter, which is good, but people are freaked out about Loki and Bucky being on the team. Insane because I told everyone two months ago, but you know the news,” 

“No, I try to stay as far away from it as possible,” He said, shaking his head. 

“Well this fan page from 2009 isn’t going to be as well received by you as I’d planned,” Tony said, turning the phone around and showing Bruce a webpage decorated ini pink and purple hearts and one, very unflattering, photo of him over and over. “Don’t worry, most members are over 50,” 

“Just go get your brain scanned,” 

\---

“Well, I like what we did here Spidy, good teamwork,” Wade said, looking around at the webbed criminals. Peter had done his best to make sure they were all alive, but he’d hit some pretty hard in the back of the head.

_ “We? _ You were a pile of goo up until three minutes ago,” Peter said, going around and checking their pulses. “Give me that bored, I need to splint this guys neck,” 

“Why are you doing that? Don’t want the bastards to burn in hell?” Wade asked, purposefully stepping on a man's broken leg to hand him the bored, making him scream into the webbing. 

“Of course I do,” Peter said. “But I think prison will be less pleasant for them,” 

“Oh yeah, they’re gonna get- well I know that kids read these comics, but at this point- no your right,” Wade said, clearly addressing the ‘boxes’ or ‘voices’ again. Peter just shook his head, webbing up the makeshift brace. 

“Alright, we're scramming now? Because fighting makes me hungry, and I want to get back in time to eat Bruce's leftovers before Clint gets there,” Wade said, wiping a piece of someone off his mask. 

“Yeah okay, they should be webbed pretty tight, I don’t think they can get out,” He said. 

“And the weirdo demon guy has the kids?” Wade asked. 

“He’s driving them down to CPS now,” Peter said, nodding. “Actually the hospital first, get them checked out and everything,” 

“It just makes me want to shoot these dickheads all over again,” Wade said, digging his head into a guy's gut as they walked. They didn’t have any mode of transportation other than Peters webs and he’d wrenched his arm pretty bad and couldn’t carry both of them. So… walking. 

“Well think about how much worse they’re gonna have it in prison,” Peter said. “That’s what I do so I don’t hit them to hard and accidentally kill them,” 

“How do you accidentally kill someone?” Wade asked. 

“What do you mean, I do it to you all the time,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe, I love killing bad guys in my stories. Or almost killing.


	69. ScIeNcE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You never can with Tony, it’s in his nature,” 
> 
> “Well his nature defies the laws of science,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter I've written in one sitting! Yikes, it only took a hour...

“Well at least I don’t use chemicals to avoid addressing trauma,” Sam said. “Not everything can be explained with biology,” 

“Save for Tony, I have not found anyone to whom that has not worked,” Strange said. 

“Wait, what’s going on with Tony?” Sam asked. “Normal Tony things, or bad Tony things,” 

“Well, I don’t know your definition of normal Tony, but he does seem to have been increasingly impulsive since I saw him last and I could not find any brain trauma to explain his actions,” Strange said, sipping his tea, making Sam narrow his eyes. Pretentious bastard. 

“Impulsive how- what did he do. And why was it bad enough for you to scan his brain?” He asked, already mentily sorting through notes he’d made on Tony’s behavior recently. “Are we talking a suicide attempt here or what?” 

“I suppose it could be counted as one, although I would be highly surprised. He seemed to be under the impression there would be no repercussions to his actions. The most disturbing part of course being I was unable to prove him wrong,” 

“You never can with Tony, it’s in his nature,” 

“Well his nature defies the laws of science,” Strange said, refilling his tea cup. 

“For crying out loud- just  _ use a mug _ and don’t refile that every three minutes,” Sam said irritably. Strange made eye contact with him while sipping the tea slowly. “Whatever, what did he do that was maybe suicidal?” 

“He burnt everything,” Strange said. 

“Burnt what? The tower’s still standing,” Sam said, looking around. 

“Drugs. And alcohol,” Strange said. “Worst part, he claimed to be able to go off with absolutely no withdrawals. And he’s been right. He hasn’t displayed any symptoms, and Bruce has confirmed that the drugs are hardly in his symptom now,” He said. 

“He did  _ what _ ?” Sam asked. Strange just nodded. “That’s… where is he now?” 

“Hell if I know,” Strange said. “It’s Bruce’s turn to watch him,” 

“Great, so the lab,” He said. “Don’t touch anything up here while I’m gone,” 

“I would never want to get your grime on my hands anyway,” Strange said. Sam would still be counting his books when he got back. Entering the lab, he saw Bruce slouching over a microscope, Tony pacing on the other side. 

“-just don’t see the problem, everyone loved Bucky like a month ago- no but he’d still killed JFK back then so what’s changed- well make them stop thinking that,” Tony said, running a hand through his hair. 

“Don’t interrupt him,” Bruce said. “It’s worse if he has to call them back later,”

“Strange just told me what he did,” Sam said, making Bruce chuckle. 

“It should be completely impossible, but he’s got bloodwork on his side, I thought maybe he went off normally and just made a big show, it’d have explained everything, but the chemicals were consistent with a slow decline,” Bruce said, adjusting the microscope.

“Well then put him one the phone- yes I’ll hold, most people don’t keep there bosses tied up under there desk,” He said. “Oh, hi Sam,” 

“I’m just going to sit here and watch you for a minute,” He said, sitting on a stool with his notebook. 

“Cool, you wanna grill me while you’re at it? I have at least ten minutes while this guy scrambled to find the boss on paternity leave,” Tony said, gesturing to his holograph phone.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Sam asked. 

“So see, last time I checked, you were  _ not _ in favor of substance abuse,” Tony said. “In fact, everyone in the tower seemed pretty against it until I blew them up,” 

“It was more of a bonfire,” Bruce added from the corner. 

“Thanks Bruce,” Toby said, seeing Sam raise a eyebrow. “It helps if he feels needed,” 

“I can hear you,” Bruce said loudly. 

“Don’t act like you didn’t already know,” Tony said, shaking his head.

“I’m not in favor of substance abuse, but I am in favor of taking safety into account,” Sam said. “That seemed like a very… rash decision, did anything trigger it?” 

“Mmm… nope,” Tony said. 

“There was no reason you felt for doing that?” Sam said. “You just wanted to?” 

“Oh- hello, gotta go Sam,” Tony said, tuning around and grabbing his phone. While he was yelling at the poor man on the other end about PR Bruce waved him over. 

“I was running some numbers, I needed Friday to check my math at least four times,” He said. “Look, with the level of hard drugs in his symptom the first day he should have been dead. And at that point he’d already been off them for about five hours,” Bruce said. “He would have needed to be… very used to those drugs,” 

“How used to?” Sam asked. 

“Well, he’s 42, right?” Bruce said. “Age-wise, biologically he’s about 38, from reverse ageing,” 

“Got it,” Sam said. 

“So, he would need a minimum of 35 years on  _ hard _ drugs to be able to handle this. If gateway drugs where at all involved he would have been…” Bruce pointed to the number. 

“Six years old…” 

\---

“Hey mom, does superglue work on glass cuts?” MJ asked, swinging around the doorframe. Natasha didn’t even look up at the question, still cleaning her gun. 

“It should but sewing stings less because of the  ethyl cyanoacrylate monomer, why?” Natasha said. “Which teenager screwed up,” 

“I’m still thousands of years old,” Loki said from the counter, where he was polishing his… well they weren't not knifes. 

“Geez, is it clean your weapons day or something?” She asked, grabbing superglue from the drawer. 

“What did Peter do?” Natasha asked, reassembling the gun in three seconds and cocking it to make sure. “Do I need to actually come down there?” 

“Nah, he just got a gash on his arm and doesn't want to tell Bruce,” She said, shrugging. “Anyway, I’m using the glue, he can just deal with it,” 

“Why isn’t Tony intervening?” Natasha said. 

“I don’t know, maybe he’s dead,” she said, shrugging, leaving before she could hear Natashas response. Although she was pretty sure she heard a gun being disassembled, and she definitely heard Loki shreek. 

“I got the glue,” She said, waving the small bottle in Peters face, making him grin. 

“Thank you,” He said. 

“Don’t thank me until I put it on, it’s gonna sting,” She warned. Peter shrugged, and she unscrewed the cap. “What were you even doing? Usually you can avoid things like this,” She said, swiping an alcohol swab over the wound, not particularly gently. 

“I normally can, he wasn’t shooting at me he was shooting at the ceiling and it fell with me on it,” He said. “But I think he died in the fall so it’s all good,” 

“You  _ think _ ?” She asked. 

“Well I webbed- ow! Warn me next time!” He said, flinching away. 

“Be careful or it’ll get on your bed,” She said. 

“Well I webbed him up anyway, so it doesn't really matter,” He said. “I hope Eddie got the kids safe though. I wanted to follow them but Wade said no,” Peter said. 

“Wait there were kids there? I thought it was a drug ring,” MJ said, putting back on the lid. “And a gun can’t bring down a ceiling.” 

“It was more like a cannonball thrower, but also fire,” Peter said, shrugging. “And yeah, it was kids. I could only find two there, but I think I found some stuff to help me find them next time, maybe even get all the kids,” 

“How many do you think there are?” She asked. 

“At least twenty. And then I need to track down all the buyers,” He said. “I donno, it’s… I can tell I almost have them. If I hadn’t been so beat up last night I think I might have been able to find there other location but Wade wouldn’t let me,” He said. 

“How on earth was Wade the responsable one?” She asked. Peter shrugged. 

“I don’t know, I don’t like it though,” Peter said. “Really if it hadn’t been for me twisting my shoulder I could have swung- you know that street with all the street food in queens?” 

“Yeah, Flash is always hanging around there. I think he thinks it makes him look ‘street’,” She said, shrugging. 

“Yeah, well what I think there doing is-” 

\---

“Loki, we need to work on your manipulation tactics,” Natasha said, sitting down. He narrowed his eyes. 

“What do you mean?” He asked deffencivly.

“Listen, we both know the only reason you were a trickster on Asgard is because that planet is full of Thors,” She said. “Thinking with their fists first, you know the type,” 

“I don’t see your point,” He said, crossing his arms. 

“My point is that it took me two minutes max to get information from you when Fury locked you in that cage,” She said. “Which, by the way, so funny how upset that made you. Anyway, we’re going to start with the eyes,” 

“What do you mean by the eyes?” He asked. 

“Mostly the part about how you always look about three seconds away from crying,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!!!


	70. Rat dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I am afraid that there does not seem to be a good alternative answer to your question, Bruce,” Friday said, sounding about as disturebed as he felt. 
> 
> “Great,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, she uploaded in the morning! Unheard of!!

“Six years… that has to be a mistake,” Sam said, leaning forward to stare at the number. As though this would do anything. “I mean… how would a six year old even…” 

“His dad,” Bruce said. 

“But… what father would give his kid drugs.. .I mean that’s… unthinkable,” Sam said. “It’s… I don’t even know where to start with that,” He said. 

“Would it not explain a lot of his behavior though?” Bruce asked. “Imagine if the entirety of his formative years and memories were created while he was on drugs, that’d screw a guy up,”

“That’s definitely something to consider,” Sam said. “I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that… not even a teenager,” Sam said. “And I thought that I’d heard everything about everyone's screwed up childhoods,” He said. 

“Should we tell Tony we know?” Bruce asked. “Would that make everything worse or…?” 

“Don’t mention anything to him just yet, try to not-” Sam said, cutting himself off when Tony hung up the phone. 

“Alright, I heard my name, I’m going to cut through the gossip and just ask what’s going on,” Tony said, crossing his arms and leaning on the table. 

“Nothing!” Bruce said, jumping back, making Sam sigh. Tony raised an eyebrow, leaning forward to look at the numbers on the table/hologram/computer. “That’s… uh,” 

“Let me guess, grocery list?” Tony said. “Yes? No? Maybe a little close?” 

“...numbers,” Bruce said lamley. Tony just laughed, flipping through. 

“Ah, calculating the age to tolerance ratio based on blood toxicity, festive,” Tony said. “You got pretty close, nice work,” 

“Wait, you’re not upset we know? Just to clarify,” Sam said. 

“What, you thought I didn’t know what giving Brucie bear my blood would be more than enough information to figure that out?” Tony said. “Come on, I might be impulsive, but I do have some common sense left. And thank goodness you found out from Bruce and not through  _ talking about it _ or something else disgusting like that,” Tony said. “Bruce toss me that,” 

“Toss you what?” Bruce said, “nothings where it’s meant to be,” 

“The… you know, that thing,” 

“Which thing,” 

“With the lasers,” Tony said, gesturing vaguely. 

“I don’t see anything with lasers,” 

“Well there aren't any lasers now but-” 

“Okay, well if you two are good, I’m going to go plan for our next therapy session,” Sam said, backing out. 

_ “Oh shit it’s burning the table _ ,” 

“With lasers?” 

\---

“Okay- hold still,” Natasha said, running a brush more aggressively through Loki’s hair then he thought strictly necessary.”When was the last time you washed your hair?” 

“Last night-  _ ow _ , that is attached to my skull you know,”

“I don’t even know if frost giants have skulls,” MJ said. “But if they did I would happily break yours, you know, for science,” 

“Good to see you two are already acting like siblings,” Natasha said flatly. “Loki you put all this in your hair for one day?” 

“Yeah, I didn’t want it curly,” He said. 

“Okay, are there no flat irons on asgard?” She asked.

“What is that?” Loki asked. 

“Okay, first I’m teaching you how to do curly hair, and then I’m introducing you to heat tools,” Natasha said. “But I need to see you with curly hair now, stick your head in the faucet,” She said, giving him a push on the back. 

“What? No the water’s all hot,” Loki said, leaning away from the steaming sink, making Natasha sigh.

“Well, there is a cold tap, you just, turn it,” Natasha said, turning said water and shoving Loki’s head under, making him sputter. “Good,”

“Mom are you waterboarding your children?” MJ asked while Natasha rather aggressively shampooing Loki's hair. “You better hope no one here calls CPS,”

“Loki’s not a resident of earth, they wouldn’t even know he was here,” Natasha joked, letting Loki back up. “I wouldn’t have to do this if you just agreed to wash your hair normally,” 

“No, because there is nothing wrong with my hair- what is that?” Loki asked, leaning away from her. 

“Conditioner, Loki, this is conditioner, hold still,” She said, lathering the ends of his hair. “On the plus side, your natural hair is actually pretty healthy. Probably because you don’t know how to use heat tools. That's good! It means we don’t need to cut it off,” 

“What?” Loki asked. 

“No, see we’re  _ not _ going to have to,” Natasha said. “Okay, sit still, you need to let this sit for three minutes,” She said, making him groan. “Oh come on, it’s not that bad,” 

“I bet he’s gonna be scared of the hairdryer like Lucky,” MJ said from the counter, turning a page in her book.

“A what?” Loki asked, trying to look incredulous. He actually looked more akin to a waterlogged kitten. 

“Oh this is gonna be  _ fun,” _

\---

“Hey Mr. Bruce, can you help me with something?” Peter asked innocently, holding his backpack. Bruce raised an eyebrow. 

“Sure… what is it?” He asked. He had exactly zero faith that it would be anything normal. 

“Can you help me do a DNA test to see what kind of animal something is?” Peter asked. 

“Why on earth would you need to do that?” Bruce asked. 

“Uh… you know… no reason?” Peter said. 

“Is your backpack moving?” Bruce asked, pinching the bridge of his nose. Peter looked down, wincing as the backpack he’d set down started scooting across the floor. 

“Okay, listen, I know that it’s a dog, but MJ’s convinced it’s a really big rat and I don’t want to make my dad mad but if it’s a dog I want to help it, and really, rats deserve better then New York gives them they really aren't that bad and so I just… brought it home with me,” Peter said, shrugging. 

“For the record, you are my least favorite nephew,” Bruce said, grabbing the backpack. 

“Worse than Loki?” Peter asked. 

“... fine, my favorite nephew, but I still don’t like you very much,” Bruce said, unzipping the backpack. 

“Oh that’s fine. But be careful the animal bites-” 

_ “Ow _ , okay, i’ll do some tests,” Bruce said. “But I think they’ll all come back as dirt,” 

“Thank you Mr. Bruce!” Peter said, scrambling away before Bruce could change his mind. He sighed, dropping the thing in a random cardboard box on the table by the scruff of its neck. 

“Please don’t be a rat,” He sighed, grabbing the DNA box. “Although that might be better, I’d kinda like to throw you out into the street,” The… creator… made a demonic noise in the back of it’s throat. “Well good to know it’s mutuel,” 

He took some samples and put the dog (he was about 60% sure) in one of the padded rooms Tony had with some food and water, waiting for the computer to process his samples, he got back to the math he’d been doing on Tony the last several hours. He kept trying to find an alternative to his original findings, denying that Tony had been on hard drugs since he was six years old, but all he did find were, somehow, more disturbing narratives. 

“Friday, is it more likely that Tony started doing 25 ML of heroin as six, or that he was doing 10 ML sense age three?” Bruce asked. 

“I am afraid that there does not seem to be a good alternative answer to your question, Bruce,” Friday said, sounding about as disturebed as he felt. 

“Great. Has the computer finished yet?” He asked. 

“Yes, the animal that Peter brought in is 97% Chihuahua and three percent New York Street Rat,” She said. “But it is classified as a canine,” 

“It’s  _ three percent _ rat? That’s… worse somehow,” Bruce said. “I … that’s definitely worse,” 

“Would you like me to get in contact with local shelters?” Friday asked. Bruce sighed, rubbing his face. 

“No, Peter’s going to give me that heart broken look if he doesn't get to say goodbye to it. He still hasn’t forgiven me for sending the seagull away,” Bruce said. “But call him down here, I don’t want to deal with this thing any longer then I have to,” 

“As you wish,” 

\---

“MJ looks how nice his hair looks curly!” Natasha said, turning off the hairdryer. Loki wasn’t  _ scared _ of it per say, but he definitely wasn’t falling over himself to get to use it again. 

“Holy shit,” She said. “That’s… wow it’s really curly,” 

“Great, may I leave now?” Loki asked, still unamused. 

“No, we need to put product in it to keep it from getting frizzy, or you’re going to be right back where you started before you put gel in it,” Natasha said, spraying his hair without warning. “If I see you put anything other then what I buy you in your hair, you will find your knives suddenly do things other than stabbing, understood,” 

“Yes! Geez, can I just go now?”

“Yes you’re free,” She said, shooing him. 

“I’m putting this all on my instagram,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'allz enjoyed.


	71. Oh, this can't be america

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4th of july chapter!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A moment of silence for every reader who didn't know we were in the same time zone because I only ever upload at night.

“Oh captain my captain!” Tony said, to cheerfully, literally skipping through the door to the common room, where everyone was eating breakfast. “It’s my favorite holiday of the year,”

“I’m celebrating the forth by reading about the made up mental condition from the 1850’s called drapetomania, the diagnosis given to a black slave who wished for freedom. They would be whipped and their big toes were cut to prevent escape,” MJ said, turning a page. “Rather interesting stuff,” 

“Wel, you’re also going to have a barbeque and watch fireworks on the roof with us tonight,” Clint said, patting her head. 

“I’m celebrating by impersonating Steve all day,” Said, presumably Loki, disguised as Steve, in the corner, before doing a very un-steve thing to the wall. 

“No, Loki it’s so much funnier to make fun of Steve while you look like you, I can’t look at you like that,” MJ said. “Hey did you know that they believed that drapetomania was a african disease brought to America, and that was why men's wifes were trying to leave or cheat on them?” MJ said. “Also, Fanta is from the Nazies,” 

“Okay, that’s enough reading for today,” Clint said, taking her book, making her squeak indignantly. 

“But it’s not even nine yet!” She said. 

“Come on, I’m making freedom pancakes,” Clint said. “For everyone this time!” 

“America is anything but free,” Loki muttered, sitting back down, now looking and dressed as himself. “In fact, the entire symptom is build on-” 

“If you two are going to be pessimistic, direct it at Steve!” Clint yelled. They sighed, switching the subject. “Speaking of, has anyone seen Steve?” 

“I think he’s hiding from his husband,” Tony said. “Me and Bucky where brainstorming last night,” 

“Brainstorming what?” Pepper asked, walking in and pouring herself a cup of coffee. “With you all that’s a very dangerous thing,” 

“Ways to make fun of Steve,” Tony said, making his wife sigh. 

“So nothing new I guess,” She said, shrugging. “Just don’t do anything I have to handle publicly, the president is already throwing a temper tantrum online that Steve isn’t having dinner with them,” 

“I’ll go!” MJ yelled, standing up. Pepper just snapped at her, pointing to the seat. 

“Nope nope nope,” Clint said. 

“Aw come on, I'd be so much fun!” MJ said. “Mr. President sir, what do you have to say about the way you have handled racist comments you’ve made in the past?” 

“Alright, why don’t you go make sure we have all the food stuff upstairs for tonight, kay?” Clint asked. “And if you see Tasha send her down, I want her to try my firework arrows,” 

“Fine,” MJ said, grabbing her book off of the top of the fridge, where Clint had placed it, and jogging off. Loki followed, probably to be a peanut gallery to whatever she was doing. 

“Be back for pancakes,” Clint called after them, already mixing in the food coloring. 

“I heard pancakes,” Peter said from the ceiling, scaring all of them. 

\--- 

“I’m at least 90% sure that this is illegal,” Steve yelled over the noise as Clint cocked a fire arrow. 

“No, see, it’s note a  _ firework _ , it’s just fire, we’re good,” Clint said. “The idea is that I shoot the firework itself to light the fuse, and then we don’t have to come back here,” 

“You can’t make the shot,” Natasha said, sitting on the table. He turned back, narrowing his eyes at her. 

“I can so make the shot,” He said, shooting without even looking to prove his point. “See,” 

“That was just to be flashy,” Natasha said, rolling her eyes as he dramatically dropped his bow. 

“You know Peter, I bet the fourth sucks for everyone here but you,” MJ said, leaning back on the wall while the firework went up. 

“Why?” Peter asked, wincing aggressively at the exploding. july 4th of july was not a time to have super hearing. 

_ “Cool guys don’t look at explosions,” _ She said. 

“Oh real funny,” Peter said, pushing her shoulder. MJ laughed, starting her sketch of Bucky when the first one went off. He looked rather akin to a scared cat. 

“You know you’re handling the PR backlash about the unlegislated fireworks, right?” Pepper said, looking from under her floppy hat. “Because I’m just taking a day off for a hangover. Preemptively,” 

“But you haven't even had anything to drink yet,” Peter said, tilting his head. 

“Key word; yet,” Pepper said, opening the cooler, wincing at the noise from Bucky and Steve wrestling to her left. “Why do all of you have to be so loud all the time,”

“I don’t know, when you figure it out please share,” Wanda said, sitting cross legged on the ledge and taking a sip of beer, which seemed to be making vision rather nervus, as he was floating behind her. “You know I been sitting my whole life, I will be fine Vision,” 

“I know, I just like to be absolutely sure,” Vision said, making her laugh. 

“I will be fine,” She said. 

“And I will be here,” He said.

“Who gave you beer?” Natasha asked, looking over and grabbing it from her. “You weigh nothing, your tolerance is going to be lower than anyone,” She said, sipping the beer herself. 

“But I am russion,” Wanda said. 

“Yeah, and you’re nineteen,” Natasha said.. “Believe me, I am russion to, I have zero faith that you’ll stay on this building with one more sip,” 

“I told you the fire arrow would work!” Clint said, walking up to retrieve the spent firework. “But we should save the rest for when it’s dark outside,”

“Here, let’s get the grill started,’ Steve sudjusted, aggressively avoiding the majority of the patriotic celebrations. 

“Steve’s not allowed to grill, just making that blanket statement,” Bucky said from the corner. 

“I don’t see what you have against my cooking, back in the forties it was very normal,” 

“Steve no one was eating gelatin salad then  _ or _ now, it’s disgusting,” Bucky said. 

“I would be with your husband on that one,” Natasha chimed in. 

“Gee, thanks guys, feeling the support,” 

\---

“Peter, you can take your hands off from over your ears,” MJ said. “I promise the fireworks don’t bite from all the way over there,” 

“It’s too loud,” He said, his voice just slightly louder than normal, flinching as three quick booms went off directly above them, lighting up the sky.

“You’re like some sad, pathetic, scared shelter dog. Or rat,” She remarked, poking him, which was not well received. 

“Oh shit,” Bruce said. “I left the dog rat alone in the lab,” 

“The what?” Tony asked. 

“Part dog part rat,” Bruce said. “Peter brought it into the lab for me to ID it and I kinda left it in the lab alone,” Bruce said, rubbing his neck. “I’m gonna go get… it,” 

“Peter you brought a rat into the lab?” Tony asked. 

“I couldn’t tell if it was a rat or a dog and if it was a dog I was gonna take it to the shelter, but when I take rats to the shelter they just let all the cats hunt them, and you would think that would mean the cats just kill them, but actually they like to pull the arms and legs off first and-” 

“Peter, I found some noise canceling headphones for you,” Pepper said, handing him a pair. “Tony don’t bully your child,” 

“Be brought home rats,” Tony said. 

“Only three percent rat!” Peter defended. 

“But it’s 97% Chihuahua, making it 100% rodent,” MJ said, making them all stare at her, the fireworks going off comically to show off their faces. “What? I do my homework sometimes,” 

“Homework… hey has anyone seen Loki? I thought he was meant to be here?” Bucky asked, looking around. 

_ “Meant _ to be here?” Tony asked. 

“Shut up,” Bucky said, pushing him hard. Maybe a little harder than intended, but Pepper swore he deserved it. 

“I will go retrieve him, I believe I know what mischief he may be up to,” Thor said, spinning his hammer. 

“Don’t fly into any fireworks,” Bruce advised, although not sounding particularly concerned, before going back downstairs, presumably to check on rat-dog. 

“Actually, the dog… rodent… whatever could be great for PR,” Pepper said, with  _ that _ look on her face. 

“What do you mean?” Bucky asked wearily. 

“Well I’ve been  _ trying _ to remind everyone that they liked you just a month ago, I think they like you more as basically Steve's partner, I’m sure a dog would only  _ increase _ that idea in their minds,” She said, practically maniacally. 

“No. No Pepper. Pepper, it’s a rat from New York, I… no,” Bucky said. 

“Oh my gosh, look at it, it’s making the cutest face,” Steve said while Bruce carried the rat-dog at a safe distance. “Bucky, Buck, Bu-ucky?” 

“We are not getting a weird rat dog, Steve,” He said, “It looks like it’s having a seizure,” 

“I think that’s from the fireworks,” MJ said. “At least that's what Peter was doing five minutes ago,” 

“You know I can still hear you, right?” Peter asked. 

“Do I look like I’d care?” She said. 

“Bucky, all dogs deserve homes,” Steve said. 

“Keyword there being  _ dogs _ ,” Bucky said. “We are not adopting that thing, I don’t care what you say,” 

\---

“I can’t believe we adopted it,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me tell you, googling 'can Chihuahuas and rats crossbreed' was not one of my finer moments. Nor was finding out that they are technically really big rodints... 
> 
> http://www.watleyreview.com/2004/052504-3.html


	72. It's a work of art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tinkerbell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope yall like it

“Sir, I am afraid I will have to alert you to Mr. Parker's medical status. He seems to be in moderate to extreme discomfort and should most likely seek medical attention as soon as possible, but is not in critical condition,” Friday said, breaking through his and Peppers conversation. 

“What happened? Is he still upstairs?” Tony asked, standing up. 

“Yes, Peter is in his bed,” Friday said. 

“He was fine when we sent him up,” Pepper said, standing to follow him. “What happened? Did someone sneak in or something?” 

“There have been no intruders or incidents, the injury is a direct result of the fireworks going off right now,” Friday said.

“Explain,” Tony said, taking the stairs two at a time, holding Peppers hand to help her stay steady on the slippery floor. 

“He seems to have a rupturing of the tympanic membrane,” Friday said. “Or a ruptured eardrum from the noise resulting from the fireworks,” 

“The fireworks?” Pepper asked. “But he was fine earlier when they where closer,” 

“With hearing protection the noise resulting from the explosions already caused significant hearing damage. There should be no lasting effects, however I would recommend a strategy to reduce the noise while fireworks are still active,” She recommended. At that, she stayed silent, allowing them to slip rather unannounced into Peters room. 

“Peter?” Pepper asked softly. Peter didn’t react, stayed curled in a very tight ball on his bed. “I don’t think he can hear us,”

“He will most likely have temporary hearing loss. A few hours at most with his healing powers,” Friday said. “I would recommend  _ not _ startling him,” 

“Okay, I’m going to walk around to where he can see me,” Pepper said, quietly padding to the other side of the bed and laying a hand on Peter's shoulder. 

To say he jumped would have been an understatement, he more bolted, sticking onto the ceiling. To Peppers credit she didn’t even take a step back, just waving him down calmly. Tony could not say the same for himself. But, walking back from across the room, he joined Pepper, waving to Peter. 

Peter very tentatively dropped down from the ceiling, giving them a  _ look _ with his head cocked to the side, and a very scared face, making his eyes seem almost disproportionately large in the dark. His eyes darted between the two of them, and although he was definitely calmer seeing their faces, he was certainly not at ease. 

“Hey Peter, can he hear us Friday?” Tony asked. 

“Most likely he will hear you as though you were speaking at a whisper. On a normal day a neutral speaking voice is 100dB,” Friday said. “For context Ms. Potts, a normal conversation between two normal humans is about 60dB,”

“Well shit,” Tony said. “I’m gonna see if I can work on that in the lab later- ow,” Pepper smacked his arm, before kneeling in front of Peter's bed. 

“Hey Peter, we’re gonna help fix your ears, alright?” Pepper said. Peter looked slightly confused but nodded along anyway. “Tony do you know who we should call for something like this?” 

“I mean, a ear doctor presumably,” Tony said. 

“I don’t want to take him out, it’ll be louder outside, and with the Gala there’s a whole nother layer of risk,” She said. “Can’t you like, read a wikihow about this and do it?” 

“Read a wikihow- Pep, come on, I use wikipedia like a grownup,” He said. “But yes, I probably can do that, let me wake Bruce up, I’m making him help me,”

“Just fix him,” She said, her arm around Peter, who looked extremely confused. “If you make this worse I’m divorcing you,” 

“We’re not even married how would you-” 

“Just go,” 

\---

“No I’m not kissing it goodnight Steve, it’s a rat,” Bucky said, wrinkling his nose. 

“It’s only three percent rat, and look at his little face,” Steve said, poking the dogs face. “It’s just so cute, yes it is,” 

“You disgust me,” Bucky said. 

“I know, here, lets check the app thing,” Steve said. 

“What app? And why is it shaking?” Bucky said, holding the dog at arms length. 

“Chihuahuas have naturally high metabolism and do not regulate their temperature well,” Friday chimed it.

“Of course,” Bucky said. “Steve I don’t know what app you’re talking about,” 

“The one with all the pictures,” Steve said. “Pepper showed me how to make people vote for the dogs name but I don’t know how to open the app,” 

“Fine, I’ll help you, but I still can’t read,” Bucky said, making Steve snort. He didn’t understand how anyone could read, the words just swame around and gave him a headache if he ever tried, so even though Steve had dropped out of  _ middle school _ because if he wasn’t sick he was fighting someone, he’d always help him read whatever it was that Bucky was struggling with. 

“Sure!” Steve said. “It’s the… it’s like pink and purple, and there’s a camera,” 

“You mean this one?” Bucky asked, tapping on the button. 

“Yes! You just… uh…” Steve said. 

“What do you mean ‘uh’?” Bucky asked. 

“Well I forgot what comes next,” Steve said. 

“You are unbelievable,” Bucky said, looking up at the ceiling. “Friday, can you help us?” 

“Sure, shall I read off the highest recommended names?” Friday asked. 

“S ure,” Theys said, almost in unison. Meanwhile the dog was making a valiant effort to chew through both of Bucky's hands. He was admittedly making more progress on one. 

“The lowest ranking of the four names was  _ Bella _ at 17%,” She said. “Next lowest being  _ Penut _ at 21%. Then Ratatouille at 29%,” Friday said. “Making the winning name, at 33%, Tinkerbell,” 

“No,” Bucky said. “I am a grown man, I will not have a chihuahua rat dog named tinkerbell,” 

“It’s what the people want Bucky,” Steve said. 

“Well the people have unrealistic expectations for us then,” Bucky said. 

“Bucky the people have spoken,” Steve said. 

“I’m calling it Steve,” Bucky said. 

“Then what am I?” Steve asked, looking at him, hurt. 

“Steve number two. Or Human Steve, depending on how nice you’ve been too to me,” Bucky said. “Tinkerbell, I swear,” 

“Buck you’re hurting his feelings,” Steve said. 

“It’s a  _ he _ ?” Bucky asked. “You named a boy dog Tinkerbell,” 

“Not me, the internet!” 

\---

“MJ, I don’t know what to do, they won’t leave me alone,” Loki said, ducking into her room. “How do you get any alone time?” 

“My other parents were way worse,” She said. “They had cameras in my room and wouldn’t let me leave,” 

“Which is better than Tony having cameras in our rooms?” Loki asked, tilting his head. 

“It’s all about intention,” She said. “See Tony’s paranoid about how one off us is going to kill ourselves, whereas my father would… Let's just say that he had very different intentions about the footage. I think he sold it,” She said. “Anyway, they’re a lot nicer about it,” 

“Why would anyone ever want footage of that- oh,” He said. “That's  _ awful _ who could… ew,” Loki said. “I mean I knew Odin was bad but at least he wasn’t creepy like that,”

“Meh, if mythology can be trusted at all he wasn’t exactly a steller father,” She said. “Also you gave birth to a eight legged horse… which I am just going to decide isn’t true,” 

“That's why Thor got banned from telling humans any stories about us,” Loki said. “Honestly,” 

“Yeah Clint and Nat are pretty chill. When they’re not forcing food down my throat that is,” She said, shrugging. “I mean I get that it makes them ‘good people’ or whatever, but come on!” 

“One time I tried to see how long I could go without eating on Asgard, but it’s considered disrespectful to not clear your plate, so they… took a shortcut,” 

“Do I want to hear this?” She said. 

“Definitely not. And you would probably be obligated to tell Sam,” Loki said. “So I’ll spare you,” 

“Cool. Hey wanna see a drawing I did of Peter being pathetic?” She asked. 

“That’s a work of art,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, question for people who've dated, why do I just... not wanna see my BF? Like, I like him and all that, but we're going on a four-hour ferry ride alone tomorrow and I think I would actually rather die. Am I weird? 
> 
> anyway, love all of you, thanks for reading, yah the best!! Might not have a chapter out tomorrow we'll see...


	73. glerrrgeh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve the rat’s broken!” Bucky yelled, eyeing the dog from the bed. 
> 
> “What do you mean?” Steve asked, walking in. Bucky scooted back on the bed slightly when the dog took a step closer to follow Steve. 
> 
> “It won’t let me get out of the bed,” Bucky said. “I sat down to grab my phone and now I’m stuck,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IIIIIIIIIf you've had a headache for two days sense having a date go awkwardly wrong but only you knew and now you have to break a nice boys heart bc you aren't ready for a relationship but you thought you where and now you feel awful and just want to curl up in a hole and have never texted the older boy clap your hands! *clap clap*

“I would like to remind you that neurosurgery does not mean every form of medicine, you do know that, right?” Strange asked. Tony had Zoomed him in for a consult. 

“Whatever, I’m just trying to figure out if the scar tissue from healing on it’s own would affect his hearing,” Tony said. 

“With the rate of his healing powers he will most likely be fine,” Strange said with a sigh. “I’m hanging up now,” 

“That was all I needed, thanks,” Tony said, ending the call before the neurosurgeon could. “In that case I don’t think we have to do anything,” 

“That's good because his anesthetic is already wearing off,” Bruce said, checking the levels on the screen. 

“Already? We administered less than half a hour ago, are you sure we gave the right dose?” Tony said, checking exactly what Bruce just checked. 

“Highest dose we could risk, I’m not an idiot Tony,” Bruce said. 

“Never said you where, shit did his metabolism burn through all of that? It's worked before,” He said, thinking back to the numerous times they’d done something insane to fix him after he, I don’t know, swallowed 276 shards of glass. To name one incident. 

“Well, before he was probably knocked out from trying to heal,” Bruce said. “And his metabolism would be slower if it was focused on healing a injury,”

“His powers are working to the point they’re making his life exponentially worse,” Tony said, rubbing a hand over his face. “I tried on the spiderman mask to make sure Karen was working after Ned broke into her code again, and I couldn’t see anything. I thought it was broken but that was how Peter asked for it to be made. A normal person can’t hear or see anything with it,” 

“Well at least it won’t get stolen?” Bruce said with a shrug. 

“I’m going to run some numbers, will you let Pepper know he’s fine? She gave me numerous threats that I don’t doubt her ability to carry out,” Tony said, taking the gloves off and tossing them in the bin. “Also I guess it’s nice,” 

“Yes it is nice to tell her that the child she adopted is not dead Tony,” Bruce said sarcastically. “I’m just glad I didn’t have to do anything. If I broke your kid I don’t even want to think about what Pepper would do to me,” 

“Blame me,” Tony joked. “I mean, I deserve it. You know where I am,” 

“Uh huh, you know, vitamin D is very necessary for-”

“Bye Bruce!” 

\---

“Steve the rat’s broken!” Bucky yelled, eyeing the dog from the bed. 

“What do you mean?” Steve asked, walking in. Bucky scooted back on the bed slightly when the dog took a step closer to follow Steve. 

“It won’t let me get out of the bed,” Bucky said. “I sat down to grab my phone and now I’m stuck,” 

“What do you mean, just stand up,” Steve said. “He’s three pounds,” 

“No! Watch!” Bucky said, scooting closer to the edge of the bed, making the  _ rat _ raise his haunches and start growling. “He sounds like a demon out of hell!” 

“That’s weird, he doesn't care if I do it,” Steve said, demonstrating. 

“Well that's because it’s in love with you or something. I think it has a personal vendetta against me,” Bucky said, leaning further and further away from the edge. “I’m just glad it can’t get up here,” 

“Oh, do you think we should get him a little step stool? I don’t want him being left out,” Steve said. 

“Steve, that  _ monster _ has been trying to maul me all day! What am I going to do if it can get up here? I’ll have nowhere left!” 

“Tinkerbells just adjusting,” 

“Whatever,” Bucky said, crossing his arms and pouting. And yes- he was very aware that he was acting like a four year old, but strangely enough he didn’t find he cared. 

“Come on Bucky, he’ll warm up to you!” Steve said, grabbing Bucky's hand, which apparently Tinkerbell didn’t like too much, because a tiny cannonball of fur and claws had launched its way at Bucky's face.

“What the  _ fuck-” _ Bucky said, scrambling behind Steve, who calmly picked it up and kissed it’s nose. 

“He’s just jealous, it’s fine,” Steve said. “I can love both of you,” 

“I am not splitting my husband with a rat,” 

\---

“Bruce! I have made an invention!” Thor said from the kitchen as soon as Bruce walked in the door. “It is incredibly advanced, much more so than mid guardian tech,”

“Uh oh, what did you do?” Bruce said, peering in the kitchen, and finding himself incredibly grateful that it still seemed relatively clean and intact.

“I have made poptarts drinkable,” Thor said. 

“I’m sorry you did what?” Bruce asked. 

“I made drinkable poptarts, would you like one?” Thor asked, handing him a cup with a suspiciously thick… drink. 

“Alright…” Bruce said, taking a small sip and immediately spitting it out. “Did you put rancid meat in that?” 

“It’s a liquid poptart,” 

“Thor I don’t know what you put in here, but it’s not poptart,” Bruce said

“I will admit that the recipe could use a bit of work,” Thor said. “I will make improvements tomorrow,” 

“Is this what you do when I’m in the lab?” Bruce asked. 

“Of course not,” Thor said. “I also made a mashed potato sculpture of my brothers face and ate it,” 

“...great,” Bruce said. 

“Hey, sorry to interrupt… whatever's going on in here,” Bucky said, walking in completely unannounced. “Have you seen steve?” 

“Yeah I think he’s fighting with Tony in the lab,” Bruce said. 

“No, not human Steve,  _ Steve _ the rat,” Bucky said. “I locked him in a cabinet but he chewed his way through to Sams floor and now I can’t find him,” 

“I haven't seen him,” Bruce said. 

“Cool, if he shows up here toss him out the window for me, will you?” HE asked. “Or better yet, turn into the hulk and just… eat it,” 

“I’m not eating your dog, bye Bucky,” Bruce said, closing the door. “Please tell me you didn’t blend the dog in that,” 

“I don’t… think so,” Thor said, looking at the glass. “It is rather hard to tell,” 

“Great,” 

\---

“Hey Michelle?” Loki asked, sitting on her bed without invitation. 

“Call me that again and I’m waterboarding you,” She said. “What is it?” 

“A man messaged me on one of the ‘apps’ on this device and told me to show you, I do not know how he found me,” 

“What? Who was it?” She asked, grabbing his phone. “And don’t put quotes around the word app, it makes you look like Steve,” She said. 

“Ew, would you just tell him to stop messaging  _ me _ ? I would rather not read those things,” He said, shuddering. 

“Oh ew, this is an old ex, just block him. I don’t know how he even found this, you’ve posted like twice, and neither about me,” 

“Oh he sent a new message,” Loki said, grabbing the phone. “Its a photo, I need to unblur-” 

_ “Don’t-” _ She said, trying to grab the phone. 

_ “Ew ew ew ew ew! Who would SEND that?” _ Loki said, throwing the phone. 

“I said  _ don’t open those _ Loki, how long have you been online? Haven't you seen those before?” She said. “And I was trying to say that  _ that _ seems to be his favorite way to get attention,”

“Well I’ve seen them in  _ person _ I just wasn't expecting to be slapped in the face with that,” He said. “It didn’t look right, I think he might have a condition,” 

“No I thinks it’s just small,” She said. “And it’s got this weird mole…” 

“Friday told me I should interrupt your conversation, what’s going on it here?” Clint said, swinging around the open doorway. 

_ “Nothing!” _ They said in unison, MJ throwing a blanket over her phone. Clint raised his eyebrow, moving to grab Loki's phone. Before he could, Loki raised his hand, blasting it in a thick layer of ice.

“You did  _ not _ tell me you had Elsa powers,” MJ said. 

“Why was this pulled up on your phone?” Clint said, picking up the phone anyway and looking at them aghast. 

“I knew it should have been frost,” Loki said. 

“Loki’s still leaning some things about the internet,” MJ said, “It’s no big deal,” 

“Why was this man talking about you?” Clint swaid. “Who is this?” 

“Just a weirdo, I don’t know he found Loki and told him to show… that to me,” MJ said. “It’s no big deal though, don’t worry about it,” 

“Great great, hey hon?” Clint said, walking out with Loki’s phone and the ice still in hand. “We’re gonna go manhunting tonight,” 

“Okay,”

“Just keep him alive, he has a kid Loki’s age,” MJ said. 

“I am really hoping that you are referring to my human age,” Loki said. 

“About  _ how old _ was that man?” Clint said, his voice a octave higher. 

“Eh,” MJ said. 

“And how long where you seeing him before you meet Peter?” Clint asked. 

“About five years,” She said. 

“Hold on I’m doing math,” Loki said. 

_ “Great let me just grab my bow,” _ Clint yelled, throwing the phone back. 

“Great I just got a man killed.” She said. 

“Really? Ten?” Loki said. 

“Nine, I broke up with him three months ago, week before my birthday,” She said. 

“Was it because he was a pervert and a pedofile?” Loki asked. 

“More the drugs,” She said. 

_ “The what?” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, I've been WAITING for this chapter. Also, do y'all prefer me typing MJ or Mj? BC I've mostly seen MJ but I prefer the look of Mj but- anyway. Hope you liked.


	74. Lota doggas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tinkerbells gone rabid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of a short chapter, sowwy!

“Hey Peter,” MJ said, walking into Tony’s living room, which had significantly more glass and concrete then anywhere else in the tower. “I just got a man killed,” 

“Wh- ...okay. Do I know them?” Peter asked. 

“Nah, a weirdo ex of mine with the unsettling combination of Loki’s tech skills-or lack thereof- and Clints spy skills, I have a feeling it won’t be pretty,” 

“Oh is it that creep who took photos of us on the subway?” Peter asked. She nodded. “Yeah he was a weirdo. Is Mr.Clint going to kill him?” 

“Call my father Mr. Clint and you’ll see exactly what kinda training I’ve been doing with them,” She said. “Hm, that came out differently than intended,” 

“This is why creeps follow you on the subway,” Peter said, laughing. “Do you want to have dinner here while Mr. Clint kills that guy? Ms. Potts loves you and I think Mr. Stark wants to study you,”

“So they’ve been demoted from ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’ then?” She asked. “What’d they do?” 

“Mr. Stark didn’t let me play my song at dinner,” Peter said. “So we had to listen to the radio because Pepper said ACDC gives her a headache,” 

“Was the song by ASAP science?” She said. 

“...maybe,” Peter said. “But now I have 100 digits of pie stuck in my head. 

“I’m with your parents on this one,” She said. “But sure I’ll stay. I think Loki’s plan was to throw food at Thor and Bruce and eat a single oreo, so it beats that,” 

“The Thor and Bruce bit or the oreo?” Peter asked. 

“I can’t eat and look at Bruce at the same time,” She said. 

“I’m sorry, since when did you eat?” Peter said. “Freaken, twenty pounds of you,” 

“Oh hold on, it’s not like you’re much better,” she said, smacking him with a pillow. 

“I eat seven meals a day! It’s not my fault that my metabolism doesn't work right!” Peter said, smacking her right back, although she fell off the bed. “Oh shit, sorry,” He said, trying to help her up, although she was laughing too hard to really accept it. “Did I hurt you,” 

“I’m fine,” She said, still giggling and perching on the edge of his bed again. His concerned face somehow made her laugh more. “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me,” 

“I think that’s a symptom of shock,” Peter said, very seriously, which only resulted in her laughing harder. 

“Fuck you,” 

\---

“Bucky are you the one who put the dog in the freezer?” Steve yelled, walking in with ‘Tinkerbell’ shaking in his hand. Bucky narrowed his eyes at it. 

“The freezer ate the dog all on it’s own,” Bucky said, crossing his arms. “I simply… helped it,” 

“ _ Bucky,” _ Steve said. “Look at how cold it is,” 

“Steve it’s a sewer rat, it can be a little chilly,” Bucky said. “Nothings going to happen,” 

“He looks sad,” Steve said. “I think he’s tramatized,” 

“He’s  _ manipulating _ you. He’s going to be fine as soon as you turn your back!” Bucky said. 

“He’s a dog!” Steve said. “How is he manipulative?” 

“He’s not a dog he’s a rat-” 

“Only three percent,” Steve said. 

“And second of all, I don’t know how he manipulates you, because you’re a grown ass man, but he is!” Bucky said. “I think he’s rabid or something,” 

“The dog isn’t rabid, you just have a personal vendetta against it,” Steve said. 

“It’s foaming at the mouth!” Bucky said. “He’s going to give us all rabies!” 

“He’d have to bite us for that to happen,” Steve said. 

“What do you think it’s been doing this whole time?” Bucky asked, throwing his hands up. “It just hasn’t bite you,”

“Bruce tested it first,” Steve said. “And I trust Bruce,” 

“Bruce isn’t even a biologist!” Bucky said. “Let alone a  _ vet _ all he knows is that he draws blood and Friday tells him what the thing is! I bet you if we went right now and tested it the dog would come up positive for a hundred different things,” 

“So you admit it’s a dog,” Steve said. 

“I can’t with you,” Bucky said, throwing his hands up. “You know freezing that thing would have been a mercy to everyone involved. I wouldn’t say he has the best quality of life right now,” 

“Tinkerbells so happy, look at him,” Steve said, holding up the growling and twitching dog. 

“Yep. I can tell,” 

\---

“Do you even know how to do these tests?” Steve asked, watching Tony practically strutting around the lab, holding the dog at a arms length distince. 

“Even if I didn’t already I would by now,” Tony said. “You all act like you can’t figure these things out on your own,”

“We  _ can’t _ ,” Steve said. 

“Steve can’t even turn on his phone,” Bucky said. 

“I can. Just… not reliably,” Steve said, shrugging. “You can’t read,” 

“Oh you wanna go there?” Bucky asked. “Let me tell you what-” 

“If you;re gonna fight do so outside the lab please,” Tonys said. “It upsets Butterfingers,” 

“Who?” Bucky asked. He was still in amazement at the hologram screens. Tony pointed to the robot. 

“It gives her indigestion,” Tony said. 

“I keep telling my dad that Butterfingers is a boy, but he won’t listen to me,” Peter said, suddenly drawing attention to himself on the ceiling. 

“I know that you  _ can _ sit on the ceiling, but do you always have to?” Tony asked with a sigh. “It’s much more preferable to just see your face you know,” 

“Sounds like someones jealous,” Peter said. 

“Whatever, come down here and hold the monster rat you found in the sewer while I draw blood, we need to know it’s blood sugar to give anesthetic. It  _ might _ not be as strong as you,” Tony said. “Have you fed it today?”

“Of course, we feed it… every day,” Steve said. 

“Well I can’t put it under for another six or so hours if that’s the case, and I need a biopsy from any part of the brain to determine if there is any sign of rabies,” Tony said. “But you can leave it here while I wait, the labs already dog proofed, Lucky likes to watch Bruce work, he thinks Bruce is sick or something,” 

“Great, so when do we come back?” Steve asked. 

“Friday will tell you, right Fri?” Tony asked. 

“I will tell Bucky,” She said. 

“And Steve?” Tony asked. 

“I will tell Bucky,” She restated. 

“It’s the best I can do,” 

\---

“Mr. Stark, Tinkerbell is bullying Lucky!” Peter called across the lab. 

“He weighs as much as Lucky's tongue, how’s he being bullies?” Tony asked. 

“That’s what everyone at your highschool thinks, sir,” Friday said. 

“I assume I am tinkerbell in this analogy,” Tony said. 

“Well you were the same size,” Friday said. 

“Give me a break, I was ten,” Tony said. “Peter try separating them, I don’t want Lucky to get infected if he has anything.” 

“Well Lucky put him in his place,” Peter said. “He’s sitting on him,” 

“Lucky,” Tony said, exasperated. “Why am I always watching you,” 

“But look at how cute he is!” Peter said. “Tinkerbell to,” 

“Well let’s just get you a dog and leave these  _ things _ to their owner’s” Tony said. 

“I’ve had four dogs and none of them lived to be five,” Peter said deadpan. “Apparently the curse of being a Parker transferred to dogs,”

“Did the dogs die because they were adopted by you, or did the dogs die because you picked up sick senior dogs off the street and didn’t tell your aunt?” Tony asked. 

“Bullying isn't a joke Mr. Stark!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, my parents are now 97% sure I have /mild/ arthritis. So... that would explain my life. Nothing I can really do about it tho so... yay? ANyways, hope you liked!!


	75. A very DOGGY chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grauhoifudjho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything hurts and I'm dying. have a nice day.

“Please tell him that it’s abuse to let the dog be adopted by me,” Peter said, stabbing the dinner that probably cost more than his entire bedroom in queens. “I’m not capable of keeping an animal alive, it’s cruel! To both of us!” 

“Peter, I know for a fact that if anyone can keep a dog alive it would be Tony,” Pepper said. “Besides, it’s just a dog, how many things can happen to it really?” 

“How many- Ma’am, the last dog that my aunt tried to get me died because he jumped out the window of the bathroom, which was cracked two and a half inches, it doesn’t matter how safe the house is,” He said. “I just don’t want to hurt anymore animals,” 

“Peter you didn’t hurt anything,” She said. “Right Tony?” 

“Hm?” Tony asked, sitting up and blinking at her. 

“Tony go to bed, you’re going to fall asleep in your plate,” She said, grabbing his plate and moving it to the other end of the table. 

“Yeah, yeah okay,” Tony said. “Peter, I’m getting the dog,” 

“It’s  _ abuse _ ,” Peter said, crossing his arms and pointing like a child. Tony just chuckled and went off to his room. “Ma’am, don;t you agree that it’s cruel to adopt a dog that you  _ know _ is going to die?” 

“Someday it  _ will _ die, but I think it’ll be good for you to have someone else to talk to. You  _ do _ have a friend other than MJ?” 

“Well… Gwen killed herself… so,” Peter said, shrugging. “Not really. I guess you could count MJ…” 

“No, you can’t count your girlfriend as your friend to Peter,” She said. “I just think it would be nice for you to have someone else in your life. Ned’s sorta…” She said, moving a potato around on her plate. 

“He’s really nice,” Peter said.

“Well he’s a very committed friend, that’s for sure,” Pepper said. “It’s just… Peter anyone who writes you into their pornfic can’t be your best friend,” She said. 

“I guess,” Peter said, standing up to clean the plates. “But just so you know, I had the same conversation with May at least twice,” 

\---

“Here, look at all the dogs,” Pepper said. It’d taken almost three days to convince him to even come and look at the dogs. Tony had originally insisted Pepper take Peter by herself, but it turns out there was a  _ lot _ of blackmail she had on him, so all three of them were there, and probably scarring the poor teenager showing them around. 

“It’s like picking cattle for slater,” Peter said, crossing him arms

“Aw come on, you sound like MJ,” She said. “Look, here’s a lab mix, he’s pretty,”

“Yeah, I guess,” Peter said. While they walked slowly down the kennel, a dog stated freaking out, throwing its body against the kennel. “Who’s this?” 

“That one looks aggressive Peter, don’t you want a calmer one?” Pepper asked. The kid taking them around perked up. 

“Actually, this is a really calm pitbull here, she’s been here for about five months,” He said. “I’ve never seen her react like that,” 

“Five months?” Peter asked, looking back at him. “Why’s she here?” 

“About three owners gave her up. Last time we got her back she was starved to the bone. We’re going to have to put her down next week,” 

“Next week?” Peter asked. “Can I go in and say hi to her?” 

“If you want to, go around to the visitor area, one at a time,” He said disinterested. Peter looked at Tony for permission, who nodded with a shrug.

“She’s a pitbull Tony, and she came from a bad home,” Pepper said, watching with concern. “She seemed a little aggressive,” 

“You just described the entire team. Put Clint in a kennel, change the breed around a little, same dog exactly.” Tony said. 

“I don’t know about this, he’s gonna get attached and-” She said. Before she could finish her sentence, they let her out, where she wiggled/ran her way over to Peter throwing herself at him and licking his entire face. Peter did not seem to mind at all, laughing and petting her. 

“Oh you are not taking that dog away from him,” Tony said, laughing. “Look, her name is  _ Tessa _ she’s had five homes, she’s been returned from all of them because, only one for bad behavior, and that’s because she ate her way out of the pantry after being locked in it for three weeks, so I’ll give her a pass,”

“That’s awful,” She said. 

“Spent several days in the hospital last week because the first vet butchered her up before she was ready to be spayed because they didn’t like pitties, her stitches got screwed up because they weren't meant to be there, long story short they had to take her back in,”

“Poor baby,” Pepper said. “How old is she?” 

“About two,” Tony said. “It says she can shake, sit and roll over,” He said. “It also has a list of her fears, including; Kibble, Water, Grass, Pumpkins-” 

“Okay I get it,” She said. “We should give her a good home,” 

“Yay!” Tony said. 

“You know that Peter won’t ask for her, he thinks he’s gonna hurt her,” She said. 

“What do we have to do to get her today?” Tony asked the teen, who grinned at them. 

“Follow me,” 

\--- 

“So, the dog’s rabid,” Tony said, handing Tinkerbell back to Bucky, who through it at Steve. “So we’re going to need to give you anyone who’s been bit by this for about a year,” 

“I told you- I  _ told _ you Steve!”Bucky yelled, whipping his hands off. “That thing has been gnawing on me since we adopted it,”

“Do we have to put him down?” Steve said. 

“That would be the… most ethical standpoint,” Friday said. “Even without rabies, he’s quality of life is below the recommended average for any animal,” 

“Come on Steve, you’re all about things being ethical,” 

“But it’s… he’s so… he’s not old enough,” Steve said, looking tearfully at Bucky. “And he’s- look he’s so happy,” 

“For the next two or so days he’s going to be asymptomatic, but after that he’s going to take a sharp downward turn, it’s best to do it now,” Tony said, for once not teasing Steve. 

“Okay,” Steve said, sniffing. Bucky was less  _ touched _ by the idea, but still put a arm around his husband. “Okay,” 

\---

“Who’s dog is on my bed?” Bruce yelled, jumping far away from the door as he could, “Whoever left this dog, please come get it!” 

Peter dropped down from the ceiling, holding his hands up. “Okay, please please don’t be mad Mr. Bruce,” 

“Get it  _ out! Get it out get it out-”  _ Bruce said, pressing himself into the wall. 

“I’m going to kill it! And I don’t want her to be hurt!” Peter said, while Tessa whined on the bed, jumping up at Peter and wagging her tail. 

“Oh my gosh it touched my bed, get it away,” Bruce said, edging further away and stepping on the bed. 

“No no no, she’s nice,” Peter said, picking her up and letting her wiggle around in his arms. “Look at how cute she is,”

“I don’t do pets,” Bruce said. “They have all kinds of- of ew ew ew,” Bruce said when Tessa moved closer to him. 

_ “Peter BENJAMIN Parker if you are trying to make Bruce take that dog I SWEAR,” _ Pepper yelled through the door, making Peter freeze. 

“Please help me!” Bruce said, moving further away. “Please!” 

“I’m not here!” Peter yelled, cursing under his breath. “I mean- uh…” 

Pepper swung the door open aggressively. “Sorry Bruce,  _ Peter Parker _ -” 

“Sorry sorry sorry,” Peter said, running past her with Tessa close behind. She caught him in the lab before he made it to anyone  _ else's _ apartment. “I’m sorry!” 

“Peter,” She said, taking Tessa and setting her down, where she immediately curled up on Peters shoes. “She’s  _ your _ dog, you need to let her sleep in your room,” 

“I don’t wanna hurt her,” Peter said, kneeling down and scratching her head. 

“Peter, she’s just fine, isn’t she?” Pepper asked. “And she clearly wants to be with you,” 

“But it’s mean to her,” Peter said, pouting. 

“Peter, if she dies while you’re watching her, wouldn’t that just mean she’d die anyway?” Pepper asked. Peter eyed her tentatively. “And if she’s going to die anyway, why not give her the best possible home?” 

“I guess for now,” Peter said. “I just don’t want to be sad when she dies,” He said, rubbing her ear in a way that made her roll over, exposing a nasty scar. 

“She’ll be fine,” 

\---

“Tony that kid is breaking my heart,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE TESSA!! Also, I felt bad even writing about Tinkerbell bc he was in so much pain (in my head) so get the tissues ready in the next chappie!!


	76. Tinkerbell goes night night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SOWWY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to write sad scenes when you are EmOtInAlY NuMb!
> 
> No, my animal loving, dog owning ass watched almost a dozen videos of people putting their dogs down on Youtube and not one made me even slightly sad, what is wrong with me.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything we can do?” Steve asked, looking at the tiny dog in his hands, who had curled up contentedly. Bucky, who  _ had _ been sitting a safe distance away. 

“There really isn’t anything for rabies Steve,” He said. “It’s just cruel to keep the dog alive any longer,” 

“He doesn't really look sick,'' Steve said, looking at the dog, who definitely didn’t look okay. 

“Aside from having  _ rabies _ he tested positive for hydrocephalus as well,” Tony said. “And arthritis and pneumonia. If you really want we could hold off for a few weeks and see if he dies naturally, but it would be pretty painful for him,” 

“No, I don’t want it to be any worse than it has to be,” Steve said, looking down at the strange little dog and sniffing. Bucky still wasn’t all that attached to the thing, but he felt vaguely bad that Steve was so sad. “How are you going to do it?” 

If Tony hadn’t been planning on killing the thing himself he sure as hell didn’t show it. He just leaned on the counter, pondering for a moment. “Well, there are a few ways, depending on what you would rather do. Traditional injections would be one shot of anesthetic and one shop of a very high dose of sleeping medicine, which would be relatively painless but can talk awhile. It might be faster to administer it through his respiratory tract, which can be done either in an airtight kennel, or with an oxygen mask setup. That would be the fastest,” 

“So the gas would be the best?” Steve asked. Tony nodded. “Okay, let’s do that then,” 

“You sure?” Bucky asked. 

“Yeah,” 

\---

“I don’t think she likes the pillow,” Peter said, watching Tessa, who’d followed him onto his bed- a large leap for a scrawly pittie -cower at the aforementioned pillow. 

“She’s a dog,” MJ said, setting her sketchbook down. 

“Yeah Lucky ate a hoodie yesterday,” Loki added. 

“Here, let me take them off,” He said, shoving them onto his vaguely messy floor. Immediately she calmed down, wiggling her butt and crawling onto his lap. “See! Look how sweet she is,” 

“She should introduce her to Lucky,” MJ said. “I wanna see what  _ happens _ .” 

“It’s spayed right?” Loki said. “I don’t want to see  _ that _ dog litter,” 

“Oh, so birth control has to be on the female, huh?” She said. Loki rolled with her teasing better then Peter, although there isn’t much compassion there. He just threw his shoe at her head, missing and knocking over and shattering Peters lamp. 

“Oops,” 

“This is why Pepper thinks I can’t keep my room clean,” Peter grumbled. 

“You can’t,” MJ said, crinkling her nose at the random blueprints scattered on the floor. “What even is this?” 

“Oh! Those are actually really important blueprints for my web shooters,” Peter said. “Dad said that I need to have a tracker in them because I wear them way more than I wear the watch he made for us to communicate, but I can’t keep the buttons straight on his draft.” 

“What exactly is the peanut butter contributing to the design?” Loki asked, looking at the paper. 

“Oh I used it as a plate last night,” Peter said. “Oh my gosh, MJ look she put her head on my shoulder and-  _ oh my gosh _ she’s licking me- MJ look!” He squealed while Tessa licked his chin, wiggling her entire body. 

“Ew, I don’t understand why humans like these things,” Loki said, crinkling his nose. MJ raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh, so you  _ wouldn’t _ like it if I did this?” She said, grabbing and licking his arm. 

_ “Unhand me!” _ Loki said, throwing her down, making Tessa whimper and hide behind Peter, tapping her paws. 

“Stop! You’re scaring her!” Peter said, covering Tessa’s ears. 

“I’m rubbing your pillow case all over Lucky,” Loki said, throwing his cup at her, making her laugh hysterically. “Oh you think I won’t?” 

“What _ ever _ Clint and Nat are making you sleep with him so you can’t sneak out anymore,” She said, giggling. “Peter I think Tessa’s fine,” 

“She’s scared,” He insisted. Tessa whimpered, crawling up under his hands and tucking her snout under her chin. “Ahhh! Look!” 

“Peter she’s fine,” She said. Peter whimpered in time with Tessa, who wagged her tail against his knee. “She’s just a dog,” 

“MJ!” Peter said. “You’re going to hurt her feelings,” Peter muttered, crossing his arms over Tessa’s body, who wiggled and looked back at MJ. “She’s sensitive,” 

“Uh huh,” She said. “Lucky ate my sketchbook last night. The entire sketchbook. And then tricked Clint into carrying him four miles,” She said, shaking her head. 

“And they have to put Tinkerbell down, it’s rabid,” Peter said, pouting. 

“ _ What? _ Who told you?” MJ asked. “I’ve been working on my spy skills but I didn’t hear anything!” 

“I hear  _ everything _ in the tower,” Peter said, sniffing. “It doesn't matter if I want to or not,” He said with a shutter. 

“Oh I am so sorry,” She said. 

“Wait, what context am I missing?” Loki asked, tilting his head, his curly hair falling in his face. MJ and Peter made eye contact and giggled. “What?” 

“I guess some things are less talked about on Asgard,” She said, cracking up. Peter giggled to, making Tessa stick her snout in his mouth. “Oh ew,” 

“What  _ things _ ?” Loki asked. “Please tell me!”

“I am not explaining that to you,” MJ said. 

“Trust me, you are happier if you don’t know,” Peter assured, whipping his mouth. 

“You are  _ not _ kissing me with that mouth,” 

\---

“Okay, as soon as you close this door, the gas is going to start, okay?” Tony said. “I’ll let one of you do it. And… say goodbye or something,” Tony said. “Just let me know as soon as it’s all said and done, I’ll handle everything,”

“Okay, thanks Tony,” Steve said, tilting his head down at the dog and blinking back tears. Tony nodded once, looking slightly uncomfortable before ducking out. Steve sniffed, blinking at the tiny animal. Bucky put an arm around his husband, rubbing his back.

It wasn’t that Bucky had  _ wanted _ the dog to be in pain, or that he thought that it wasn’t sad, but he really hadn’t gotten too attached to the thing, and it definitely hadn’t made any effort on it’s own end. Still, Steve could get attached to a mitten under the right circumstances, and he probably thought that the dog could be fine after Bruce did a general screening on him.

“It’s not mean to put it down, is it?” Steve asked, looking at him. “Will it be painful?” 

“No, no I don’t think so,” Bucky said. “Tony’s very smart, and deep, deep down, I think he cares about animals at least a little, so…” Bucky said, resting his head against Steves. “It’s what’s best for him,” 

“You’re sure?” Steve asked. Bucky looked at the dog, who looked like a mess in Steve’s hands, back to Steve. 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” He said, glancing up at the box Tony had been talking about. It didn’t look too bad, there was a bed and a blanket in there, and it was probably nicer than under the sofa, where the dog spent most of its time. “Are you ready?” 

Steve sniffed, blinking for a second, before nodding. “Yeah,” He said, setting Tinkerbell on the table. “Can you do it?” 

Bucky looked at Steve, surprised, but readily agreed, picking the dog up like you would a snake, or a very angry turtle. “You good?” 

“Yeah,” Steve said. With that, Bucky swung open the kennel door, placing the dog directly on the bed, where it instantly curled up, gnawing on the siding with it’s three teeth. “You can close it,” 

“Okay,” Bucky said, gently sliding his hand out and shutting the door. Steve closed his eyes, not wanting to watch, so it was only Bucky who saw what the dog did. Despite Tony’s best efforts, and what he was sure were the most expensive and human drugs he could get his hands on, the dog shot up at the doors closing, running around and scratching until it fell over, twitching still with its eyes wide open. 

“Shall I alert Boss?” Friday asked after a minute. Bucky put his arm back around Steve, kissing his cheek. 

“Sure. Come on asshole, let’s go,” He said, turning away so Steve couldn’t see the body. 

“Okay,” Steve said, holding onto him and whipping his eyes. “Thank you. I don’t think I could have done… that,” 

“Anytime punk,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Fakes tear for apperence sake* "I am so sorry I had to write that," 
> 
> I hope you... idk if enjoyed is right for that chapter, but I hope you felt something. AnYWAYS I always love comments!! And I love all of you!!!


	77. Bruce did WHAT with the windows?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

“Mom I’m worried about Tessa, she won’t eat,” Peter said, sitting cross legged next to Tessa’s food bowl, still filled to the top like it had been last night. “And she’s not gaining weight,” 

“Let me see that list again with all her issues on it,” Pepper said, whipping the water off her hands and pulling her hair up. Peter ran off to his room, startling Tessa out of her sleep, who then scampered after him. Peter returned with the papers, only slightly crumpled, and handed them to her. 

“Let’s see, yeah under ‘K’,” She said. “Afraid of Kaleidoscopes, Kayaks, Keyboards, Kittens and Kibble,” 

“How does she eat if she won’t eat kibble?” Peter asked, tilting his head. 

“Well, the way her last owners fed her was through exclusively vegan diets,” She said. “I don’t think that’s good for dogs though,” 

“Yeah aren't they carnivores or something?” Peter asked. 

“Yep,” She said. 

“Is it okay for them to be vegan?” Peter asked, looking down at the dog. 

“No,” She said, sighing. “Well we can always just add water to her bowl, or get her wet food,” She said, ruffling Tessa’s ears. “She’s pretty pathetic, huh?” 

“I dunno about that,” Peter said. 

“Yeah, she reminds me of someone…” Pepper insisted. 

“Me and Tessa are going on patrol,” Peter said, narrowing his eyes at her. 

_ “It’s you _ who reminds me of her,” Pepper said, ruffling his hair like Tessa’s. “And I don’t want you going out when it’s raining like this. Besides, neither of you have eated- how exactly did you plan on swinging around with Tessa?” 

“I can make myself sticky,” Peter said. “And I got a baby carrier for her! So I can put her on my back!” 

“Peter that dog is scared of her own bowl, I don’t think she would like swinging around New York,” Pepper said. 

“She liked it this morning,” Peter said, making Pepper widen her eyes. “I mean- uh-” 

“Go fill this with water,” she said, handing him the bowl. 

“Yes Ma’am,” 

\---

“MJ, didn’t your parents kill this creep?” Loki asked. “Why is he still sending me messages?” He said, handing over his phone to her. 

“Oh ew, you still opened it?” She asked, “And it’s  _ our _ parents don’t try to get out of this one,” 

“Whatever,” He said. “The point is why isn’t he six feet under already?” Loki asked. 

“Well first he’d probably be kept in a morgue. Or their own personal body incinerator,” MJ said. “I really wish they would stop using that one, it smells awful,”

“You didn’t answer the question MJ,” Loki said with his arms crossed. 

“So he  _ might _ have a very convincing twin brother,” She said. “And it is totally possible that they live in the same apartment, and act  _ very _ similarly…” 

“They killed an innocent man?” Loki asked, horrified. 

“Oh don’t be so sensitive, he was just as bad,” She said. “Anyways, they just got the wrong one,” 

“Well we need to inform-” Loki started, cut off by her smacking his arm. “Ow, what was that for?” 

“You  _ can’t _ tell them,” she said. “I know his daughter, if she get’s put in the symptom again things are going to go really downhill for her really fast,” 

“But- it can’t possibly be better for her in that home,” Loki said. 

“She’s going to be 16 soon, she can get a job and ask to be independent, I am sure they will let her, but they pushed me around in foster care for a minute while my bio parents were divorcing, and trust me, it’s worse,”

“If he messages me again I’m telling,” Loki said, eyes narrowed. 

“Whatever, you wanna watch Hamilton?” she asked. 

“Watch who?” 

“Oh you are gonna  _ love _ this,” 

\---

“Man of Iron!” Thor yelled, jumping into the lab almost exactly the same moment Bruce left. “I have a question for you!” 

“Okay…” Tony said, raising an eyebrow and toweling off his hands. “You just missed Bruce-” 

“No! I have a question for you specifically!” Thor said. 

“Alright, hit me with it,” Tony said, hopping up on the counter to make the very obvious height difference between them slightly less embarrassing. “But if it has anything to do with why Bruce acts the way he does I don’t think I can help you. 

“No, it does… concern him though,” Thor said. 

“Alright?” Tony said. 

“Do you know why a window may stop working?” Thor asked. 

“Stop… working, did you break it or something?” Tony asked. Thor shook his head, running a hand through his hair. 

“No, it’s just always black. I checked to make sure it was normal outside and it was,” Thor said. “It is only on his floor,” 

“I’ll have Friday look into it,” Tony assured. “Actually, let me ask Bruce about that, if you see him send him in here, will you?” 

“Of course, thank you Man of Iron,” Thor said. 

“How many times do I have to ask you to call me Tony?” He asked. 

“I will think about it,” Thor said, leaving with a nod. 

“Friday, you know what to do,” Tony said, gesturing at the ceiling. She opened four different holograms around him with different views of the same window. 

“There are a total of eight windows in his apartment, all with the same problem,” Friday said. 

“What’s this stuff made out of?” Tony asked, swiping through different views of the window. 

“Sending a drone for a sample as we speak,” Friday said. Around the same time Bruce walked in. 

“Thor said you needed to see me- wasn’t I just in here?” Bruce asked. 

“Excellent memory Bruce.” Tony said sarcastically. “What’s going on here?” He asked, gesturing to the images of his window. Bruce opened his mouth, clearly not having a answer, when Friday dinged. 

“Acrylic paint? Really Bruce?” Tony asked, looking at the microimage.

“Uh… well I…” Bruce stammered. “I don’t… like heights,” 

“When did you even find time to do this? This looks old,” Tony said. “And is that lead? Did you put  _ lead _ in acrylic paint?” 

“I don’t see the big deal,” Bruce said, shrugging. 

“You don’t  _ like _ heights, how could you paint the outside of your windows if you don’t like heights? We’re thousands of feet above the ground at all times- Bruce the lab is  _ lined _ with windows,” Tony said, gesturing. 

“Yeah, I  _ know _ Tony,” Bruce said. “I just don’t always like being reminded,” 

“That still doesn't answer the question of how you managed to do it. Because see, I know you couldn’t have done it yourself. You don’t talk on phones… so I know you didn’t hire anyone. Peter would have told me if yo had asked something that weird. So then, what was it?” Tony asked. 

“I… don’t think that that’s something that needs to be looked into,” Bruce said. 

“Friday?” Tony asked. 

“I’m sorry sir, all of my footage shows the windows like that up to the day of my creation, the footage would have been deleted when Jarvis was removed,”Friday said. 

“Oh ho ho,” Tony said. “So this has been going on for awhile,” He said. “Get me a close up on the edging of this one right here,” Tony said. Friday provided. “This looks professional, it must have been someone in the tower, huh?” He asked. “Who would be able to paint like that and wouldn’t ask any questions?” 

“You know, I’m just gonna go…” Bruce said. 

“Stay here buddy,” Tony said, grabbing the back of his shirt before Bruce could get anywhere. “Natasha would be to nosy for you, Sam and Thor can fly but they wouldn’t have done this kind of job, would they?” 

“I don’t understand what it really matters-” Bruce said. 

“Vision can fly, but this was with Jarvis… oh,” Tony said. “The sneaky son of a bitch, you asked Clint, didn’t you? He wouldn’t even remember,” 

“Wha- no…” Bruce said. 

“You did, I’m calling him right now,” Tony said, opening his phone and facetime him. “Hey Clint, did you ever paint over Bruce’s windows?” 

“Uh, I don’t remember, sorry,” Clint said. “I’d love to stay online, but I’m kinda fighting right now…” 

“Go ahead,” Tony said, closing the app. “I bet it was him,” 

\---

“You ‘don’t remember’, really?” Natasha asked, throwing a red shell at him on the TV. 

“I need to keep up appearances, give me a break!” Clint said. “Oh I  _ know _ you didn’t just hit me with that shell,” 

“Believe it,” She said, elbowing him. “Why’d he want his windows painted?” 

“He didn’t do heights. He gave me like twenty bucks and we were still with shield,” He said. “I remember thinking he was kinda weird,” 

“At least some things never change,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DON'T YOU THINK that I am just passing up the angst from Tinkerbell (rest his angry little soul) I just thought you guys deserved a quick break. Or a chapter that didn't make everyone as numb as me uncomfortable. Anyway, hope you liked it!!


	78. We're going on a trip, in our favorite- HI DAD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna... leave this here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's actually not insanely short this time! Yay!

“Steve, I know you were… attached to that dog, but it was really better for everyone involved that that dog got put down,” Bucky said. Steve, for once, didn’t wake up at an ungodly hour in the morning, instead opting to ignore reality. It’s unsettling for Bucky to ever wake up before Steve, the only times even in the forties that happened was when he was  _ really _ sick. He hadn’t even done this when his  _ mother _ had died. 

“Hmm,” He said, scooting away from Bucky. Bucky sighed, grabbing the blanket and pulling it to where he was sitting. He’d hoped not doing anything might have helped him, but it was almost one and Steve still hadn’t gotten up. 

“Steve, come on, let’s go do something. It might take your mind off it?” He said, pulling Steve as hard as he could. Steve fell hard on the floor, swatting him away. 

“Maybe,” Steve said. 

“Go take a shower, here’s some… uh… kinda clean clothes,” Bucky said, handing him jeans and a hoodie. Steve shrugged, grabbing them and sulking his way into the bathroom. 

“I don’t know how to deal with this,” Bucky muttered, rubbing a hand down his face, before grabbing his jacket off the floor, walking into the living room. 

He’d already hidden everything to do with the dog, dumping it down a trash shoot. He had a feeling that Steve wouldn’t be able to cope with seeing a pathetic empty food and water dish or leash hanging by the door. He sat and scrolled through his phone until Steve came out, hoodie tied around his waist, opting for a t- shirt instead. 

“Are you ready to go?” He asked, standing up. Steve shrugged, but grabbed Bucky’s hand and followed him out. 

“Where are we going?” Steve asked. 

“Well, I did have this one idea…” 

\---

“ -Which is when Steve just  _ jumped _ on the dummy grenade,” Peggy said, laughing, her red lips pressed in a line. 

“You did  _ what _ ?” Bucky asked, turning to face Steve, who laughed. “That’s so in character but I  _ hate _ it,” 

“In my defence I was pretty sure I would die if they made me do another set of jumping jakes anyway,” Steve said, laughing. Bucky just shook his head. 

“You know, now that you mention it, I think that I did actually do that once. A man came in, 45+ and a heart condition. Unsurprising if you got a good look at him, I doubt he could see his shoes over his own stomach, he refused to do  _ any _ of the group exercises, so I made him jump in the heat until he keeled over,” She said. 

“That’s awful,” Steve said, laughing. 

“Or  _ amazing _ ,” Bucky said. 

“Well he was awful to everyone, not even the sergeant could break him. It took three heart attacks to get him to learn to shut his mouth during drills,” She said. “One day he just fell off and died. Not a big loss to anyone in my opinion,” 

_ “Peggy!”  _ Steve said. 

“What? The man smelled awful too, you didn’t have to turn around to know he had entered the room,” She said. “Uniquely bad smell to, like rotten meat and old eggs,” 

“Oh my gosh you’re my new role model,” Bucky said, completely serious.

\---

“You are a spoiled dog, I hope you know that,” Clint muttered. Lucky had chewed his way through his leash and bolted into the street, ending up with Clint walking with Lucky thrown over his shoulders over four miles back home. “You know when we get back you are in big trouble,” 

Lucky, almost as if reacting to him, wagged his tale, thumping Clints back. “Yeah yeah, I love you too, but you- woah, what are you-” He said, while Lucky tried to launch himself off Clints shoulder. Clint grabbed him by his ribs, holding the (rather large) dog in front of him while he yelped and pawed at the air. 

“What are you  _ doing _ ?” He said. “Is there something in there?” He asked. Lucky parked and bit at the air. “Okay okay, I’m going,” 

He set Lucky down, holding onto him by the scruff of his neck to keep him from darting into traffic. “Hello? Someone here?” He asked, throwing a rock into the ally. He heard some cursing and someone yell something. 

“Who’s there?” He asked, turning on his camera’s flashlight and shining it in. “Loki? MJ? What the hell are you doing out here? It’s like midnight, you should be in bed!” 

“Oh shit, we’re dead, huh?” MJ said, lowering her hood. Clint just sighed, letting Lucky go so he could tackle his children. 

“Yep,” 

\---

“Peter, I really don’t think dogs are meant to do that,” Tony said, staring at the dog, who was balancing on Peters shoulders while Peter leaned over his book. Both of them looked up at him in the same moment, Tessa whimpering. 

“Look at how happy she is up here though,” Peter said, while Tessa wagged her tail, knocking over a light in the process. “Oh shit- uh…” 

“Hand me the dog for a second Peter,” Tony said. Peter nodded, leaning forward so Tessa could walk across him into Tony’s arms. “She’s pretty small huh? I don’t think these dogs are meant to be this small,”

“She’s almost twenty pounds,” Peter said. 

“Yeah I think they are supposed to get up to thirty,” Tony said, while Tessa made a valiant effort to lick his face. “I don’t think it’s affecting her energy,” 

“Oh! Can I show you something I taught her?” Peter asked, as if suddenly reminded. 

“Sure, it’s not going to hurt anything is it?” Tony asked. 

“Of course not! Here, Tessa,” Peter said, sitting on the floor. She wiggled down, tapping her paws in front of him. “Are you ready?” 

“Sure,” Tony said. 

“Okay, Tessa, hug,” Peter said. Tessa jumped at him, wrapping her front paws around Peter's neck and licking his ear. “See! Look at how cute she is! Good job Tess,” 

“That’s something alright,” Tony said, watching Tessa jump around Peter's head, nipping at his face and nose.

“Who’s a good girl? Is it Tessa?” Peter asked, picking her up. Tessa barked a response, wagging her tail. “I think she wants a kiss from you,” 

“I am not kissing a dog,” Tony said, before making eye contact with Tessa, who whimpered at him. “No, no way,” 

“She’ll just jump up and kiss you if you say no,” Peter said. 

“How would she-  _ holy shit,” _

“I warned you,” 

\---

Clint had handed Lucky over to Loki to carry, keeping a hand on both of his children's backs as he marched them inside. “You wanna tell me where you thought you were going?” 

“I had to check on a friend,” MJ said. “I thought Loki would tell if I didn’t bring him,” 

“I know you don’t have any friends, try again,” Clint said. 

“It’s true,” She said, crossing her arms definitely and tilting her chin up. Loki looked between the two of them before nodding. 

“It is,” He said. “It was someone from before she moved here, they messeged her on one of the ‘apps’,” He said. 

“How many times to I need to tell you to stop using air quotes when saying that word?” MJ asked, swatting his arm. He swatted her back, but Clint grabbed both of their arms when they crossed the threshold to the living room, taking Lucky from Loki at the same time and setting him down. 

“Go sit on the sofa, I'll be in in a minute,” He said, crossing his arms and walking into the kitchen. 

“And what are you gonna do? It’s not like you can do anything if you don’t know where we were going,” MJ said. 

“I’m gonna make you talk,” He said, threateningly. 

\---

“Hot chocolate is only for talkers,” Clint said, setting down the mugs on the table. 

“Jokes on you, I don’t want to eat anything anyway,” MJ said, crossing her arms. 

“I haven’t eaten since Tuesday and I would like to keep it that way,” Loki added, wrinkling his nose. 

“Why would you tell him that?” MJ asked. 

_ “Tuesday? _ What not?” Clint asked. 

“Food makes me sick, what’s the point of this?” Loki asked. 

“You know exactly what the point is Loki, I need to know where you guys were going. And I am happy to get Natasha involved, she’ll be less nice,” Clint said. 

“What does that  _ mean _ ?” MJ asked. 

“It means she’ll look at your sketchbooks and phones and post the worst stuff online if you don’t tell us where you were actually going,” Clint said. “There’s nothing you could possibly be doing that would have ended well at-” He checked his phone, “Twelve forty four at night,” 

“Okay, you wanna know the truth?” Loki asked. 

“Loki don’t, we’ll never hear the end of it,” she said. 

“Would you rather that drawing of Sam see the light of day?” Loki asked. “MJ give him the backpack,” 

“Fine,” She said, throwing her blue backpack at him. Clint caught it, eyeing them while slowly unzipping it. Inside where two flashlights, water, rope and a grappling hook, gloves, extra clothes and shoes and two blankets. 

“We were going to the Smallpox Hospital Ruins on Roosevelt Island,” Loki said, crossing his arms. “I wanted to see if we could get my sister to let me talk to any ghosts,” 

“You have another sister?” MJ asked. 

“Yeah we locked her in the basement because she kept killing everything,” Loki said. 

“So you’re just sneaking out to look at an old building?” Clint said, the place pulled up on his phone. “That’s fine,” 

“What… what do you mean that’s fine?” MJ asked. 

“You don’t care?” Loki asked. 

“No. You’re not going anywhere else, are you?” Clint asked. 

“Uh… we were going to go to mcdonalds…” MJ said. 

“Yeah go ahead,” Clint said. “Just go before your mom gets back from heckling Steve,” Clint said. “How are you going to get there?” 

“Uh, we were going to bike,” Loki said. 

“Yeah I left my old bike at the school, and I know where Peter crashed his,” MJ said. 

“Do either of you know how to drive?” Clint asked. 

“I took half a course of drivers Ed,” MJ said with a shrug. 

“I still think cars are fake,” Loki said. 

“Good enough for me, take Steve’s motorcycle, he always leaves the keys in it,” Clint said. “If either of you die you’re in big trouble, got it?” 

“Yeah?” MJ said. “You’re really letting us go?” She asked. 

“If you want I can change my mind,” Clint said. 

“Okay… we’re going now,” She said. 

“Have fun,” He said with a wave. The two teens grabbed the backpack and darted out the door before he could change his mind. “Lucky, guess who we’re gonna try out my new drone arrows on?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sure... nothings gonna happen. Comment ideas lol!


	79. No underage drinking Wade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know it's bad, but it's here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter Wade

“MJ? Loki? What are you guys doing?” Peter asked, landing on the back of the motorcycle. 

“Holy  _ fuck _ Peter get off!” MJ said, swerving into the other lane, making the semi behind her honk. “Sorry!” 

“It’s like two AM where are you doing?” Peter asked, pulling off his mask, which looked like it’d been burned already.

“We’re going to some ruins and I’m going to try and let my evil sister out of her basement to see if she’ll summon ghosts for us,” Loki said. 

“Isn’t MJ your evil sister?” Peter asked. 

“I- hm,” Loki said. “My less evil but still slightly evil sister, ruler of the dead, Hela,” 

“I outrank the ruler of the dead?” MJ asked. “I’m all for this,” 

“Which ruins are you going to?” Peter asked, fiddling with something on his web shooters.

“The old smallpox hospital,” Loki said while MJ stuck her tongue out, merging far too fast and going into oncoming traffic for a second. 

“Oh I was just around there!” Peter said. “Some dude was tryin’ dig up bodies near there. I donna what he was gonna do with them but the police have been looking for them for a while,” He said with a shrug. “I don’t even think that there’s to many bodies down there, it wasn’t a graveyard,” 

“Did you tell anyone about that?” Loki asked. 

“Well the police. Oh! And Wade worked on it with me,” Peter said. “Speaking of, he’s out here somewhere, he might follow you,” 

“What’s it going to take for him stay home?” MJ sighed, jerking to a stop randomly before accelerating again. 

“Is driving supposed to feel like that?” Loki asked, rubbing where his head had hit her bony shoulder. 

“You know what, if you wanna take over, be my guest,” She said, breaking.  _ “Sorry!” _

“MJ look out!” Peter said, pointing at the traffic barrier that hadn’t been there before. She swerved and Peter shot a web at the berror to prevent them from going into the ocean. “Oh shit,” 

“Oh my gosh,” She said, shakily righting the handlebars. “Thanks,” 

“Don’t mention it,” He said, detaching a web and running his gloved hand through his hair. 

“Well that was fun,” Loki said. 

“On the bright side, we might all die,” She said. “Or you and me, I think Peter would survive,” She said, laughing. 

“No-o!” Peter said. “If you die I wanna die too!” Peter said. 

“Okay Romeo,” Loki said, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh so you read that book!” MJ said. “I told you you’d like it,” 

“Yeah, it’s nice, it sounds kinda like how they talk on Asgard. A little long, but the ending was pretty great,” He said. 

“Right? Where they all died? I loved that,” MJ said. “Anyway Peter, we want you to outlive us,” She said. 

“No-o-o!” Peter said. “Shit, that looks like a drunk driver, i’ll be right back,” Peter said, leapfrogging over two cars, doing something out of there line of sight. 

“Don’t crash until he gets back,” Loki said. 

“Yeah, I’ll try not to,” 

\---

“Just… I don’t understand why you would do  _ this _ to me Bruce,” Tony said, gesturing. “I can’t… I’m hurt. I am actually hurt by that,” He said. 

“I just don’t think I see the big deal…” Bruce said, shrugging. 

“Bruce. I gave you an apartment and a credit card, and said do whatever you want, and you did  _ this _ ?” He asked. 

“I didn’t want to be presumptuous,” Bruce said. 

“Natasha and Clint put a body incinerator in there apartment, Steve has four fridges for… some reason- hell, Wanda put a cult room in replacement for the third bathroom, and you did  _ this _ .” He said, gesturing. “You have been dealing with this for  _ eight _ years Bruce,” 

“I don’t see it as too big a deal, I’ve lived in worse,” Bruce said with a shrug. 

_ “You have been living out of a single suitcase for eight years!”  _ Tony yelled. 

“It’s a really  _ big _ suitcase,” Bruce said with a shrug. 

“You have been repacking every night! You have all of your belongings in here! You only have one cup! Even your  _ toothbrush _ Bruce!” Tony said. “You know that this means?” 

“I can move into a apartment outside of the tower so you don’t have to look at it?” Bruce asked. 

“Haha, that’s cute, no. It’s time to re-mod-le!” Tony said. 

“Oh no, no no no, no thanks, nope, I’m good,” Bruce said. 

“Yeah you don’t get a choice,” 

\---

“Okay, so then according to this-  _ ow _ you’re squishing me,” Loki whispered, clicking the flashlight right in MJ’s eyes. 

_ “Ow _ fuck you dude,” She said, smacking him. 

“Are you sure that this will work? It’s from a book of mythology,” Peter said. 

“I  _ am _ mythology,” Loki said. 

“And this book says you gave birth to an eight legged horse, I wouldn’t take it as scripture,” MJ said. “That was fake right?” 

“Ye-Of  _ course _ it was fake! Thor just got bored,” Loki said. “Anyway, this said that you need to read in ancient greek to-” Before he could finish he heard a shriek from somewhere, cutting him off.

“What was  _ that?” _ MJ asked, looking around frantically. When she realised that she’d grabbed Peters hand she quickly let go in disgust, wiping her hand. 

“That was Wade’s shriek,” Peter said. “He probably followed us,” He said, launching himself out of the hole/cave they were in.

“Okay, he’s annoying, but that was kinda hot,” MJ said, following him with her eyes. 

“Ew, you and my brother. You disgust me.” Loki said, closing the book with a snap, echoing eerily. “I still can’t believe Clint didn’t stop us,”

“You don’t think he secretly wants us to die, do you?” She asked, holding her hand out to the fire that they had made. Well, by they she meant Peter found the wood and Loki did the spell, but she was definitely enjoying it more than either of them. 

“Nah, if they wanted us dead they wouldn’t spend so much money trying to feed us,” Loki said shrugging. 

“Apperincese,” MJ said, although she didn’t really think that. Mostly. 

Loki was  _ going _ to have a very witty retort, but before he could say anything Peter landed in front of them almost silent, save Wade, who seemed to be trying to make as much noise from under Peter's hand as he could. 

“I found him,” Peter said, not looking particularly happy about it. Wade waved a broken hand at them. “He was in the bushes,” 

Wade ducked from behind his hand, whipping his mask. “Don’t be shy, tell them  _ what _ I was doing in the bushes,” He said. 

‘You are so gross,” Loki said, wrinkling his nose. “You remind me of my brother,”

“Thor deserves better,” Peter said. 

“I donna, he washes with dish soap,” Loki said. 

“Oh ew,” MJ said. “No thank you,” 

“What are you doing here?” Peter asked. 

“I heard ghosts, I thought you could do with some adult supervision and wisdom,” Wade said. “So I brought beer,” 

“But you can’t get drunk,” Peter said. “Healing factor,”

“Well, they just appeared in my backpack, and I happened to drop the backpack here, do with that what you want,” He said. “I gotta go, I have a date with some acid and a brain saw,” 

“Oh ew, just don’t kill anyone good,” Peter said, waving him off. Wade just laughed, climbing off without much coordination or balance. “Take your alcohol!” 

“Nope! Rebel children!” 

\--- 

“Steve, I know that you really loved that…  _ dog _ ,” Bucky said generously. “And I know that just getting another dog won’t  _ fix _ it, but I think that sometimes very happy distractions can be welcome, uh, so…” Bucky said. “I asked a guy at the shelter what was the calmest puppy that had was, and uh… this is what he gave me, so… I hope you like it,” Bucky said, handing Steve a box with holes in it. Steve furrowed his eyebrows, opening the box. 

“Is it a dalmatian?” Steve asked, lifting the happy puppy out of the box and onto his chest. 

“I don’t know, I can’t  _ read _ Steve,” Bucky said, handing him the information. 

“Great dane… Buck do you know how big these dogs get?” Steve asked, lifting the black and white pup up to get a good look at it. 

“I know it’s a lot different than Tinkerbell,” Bucky said. “But he was going to be put down, and he’s really young. I know you are more of a small dog person…” 

“I’m not a small dog person,” Steve said. “I thought  _ you _ liked small dogs,” 

“I hate small dogs,” Bucky said. “That’s why I got a big dog,” 

“Oh,” Steve said. 

“Does it have a name?” Bucky asked, looking over at the paper, as if squinting his eyes would make his dyslexia go away. 

“They named him Puddles,” Steve said. At hearing his name, Puddles wagged his tail, barking at them. 

“Puddles it is,” Bucky said. “Hello puddles. You’re not going to be rabid, are you?” 

“If he does I’m just keeping Steve said, making Bucky sigh. 

“Sure you are,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you tired of dog content yet?   
> Also, if any of my lovely readers are basketball players, let me know! I'm trying to start my first season this winter to stay fit for softbadd (who knows with covid tho fml) 
> 
> LOVE ALL OF YOU


	80. Peggy saves the day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Puddles!!!

“Was that impulsive?” Steve asked, looking at the dog, now snoring on his chest. “I mean… we clearly couldn’t handle Tinkerbell… maybe we’re just not good pet owners,” He said, petting the dog. 

“What? Steve the dog was ancient and rabid, there wasn’t anything  _ anyone _ could have done. When  _ Tony _ gives up on an animal you know it’s really their time to go,” He said. “This is a puppy, it’s resilient. And you’re a great pet owner! At least you were great to Tinkerbell while we had… it,” bucky said. “See, puddles is already bonding to you,” 

“I think I’m just warmer than the floor,” Steve said, laughing. 

“Hmm, maybe you’re right,” Bucky said. “I think the dog has the right idea…” 

“Wait- Bucky no don’t-” 

_ “CANNONBALL!”  _ He yelled, jumping on top of Steve, being careful only to not harm the dog, resulting in both of them getting punched in the face. And chewed, because Puddles has some thoughts about that. “Ow,” 

“I told you that was a bad idea,” Steve said, wrapping his arms around Bucky and hugging him, thus sandwiching their dog, who seemed content, if not squirrelly. 

“I mean… I got the result I wanted…” Bucky said. 

“You know, you can just ask me for a hug, it’s not like I’d say  _ no _ or something,” Steve said, kissing the top of his head, making Bucky smile, pressing closer. 

“I enjoy the pain,” He joked, making Steve scoff. 

“Ew you sound like my brother,” Steve said. 

“Which one?” 

\---

“MJ, you are  _ not _ drinking it, our parents will be able to smell it on you,” Loki said. 

“What?” No they won't. At least not if I wash my mouth out,” MJ said, checking her phone. “We still have three hours until we need to head back,” 

“If Clint and Nat can smell  _ blood _ then I think they can smell if you get drunk,” Peter said. They were sitting in a circle while the fire died down, Loki across the fire from them, slightly to the left to avoid the smoke, and MJ had claimed Peter as her personal heater a while ago. Or, more accurately, she claimed she wasn’t cold and Peter just hugged her. Depends who you ask. 

“Besides, you have no fat on your body, you will be plastered in no time,” Loki said. “Why do you think I haven’t snuck asgardian mead down yet?”

“Plastered?” Peter asked. “Like the wall stuff?” 

“It means drunk in Loki Peter,” MJ said, leaning against him, making her brother make a face. “Well you’re just as skinny as I am, so… ha!” 

“Not by choice!” Loki said. “It’s not exactly the ideal shape on Asgard. My parents screwed up my stomach, even if I want to, I can eat about the equivalent of a can of cat food without being ill,” He said. 

“Dude you need to get that checked out,” She said. 

“With who? The alion specialist?” Loki asked. 

“Well I donna, but maybe Tony, that’s like… not good,” She said. 

“Well the point is you shouldn’t drink it,” Loki said, huffing. 

“But I wanna now,” She said, making a futile move to grab the bag. With Peter still holding her it wasn’t exactly easy. 

“MJ beer has calories,” Peter said. 

“I won’t for now,” She said, crossing her arms over Peters. “Only for you. I’m so sneaking back here to get these later,” 

“You can’t even get a glass of water from the  _ sink _ ,” Loki said. 

“Well maybe if the sink ran beer it would be a different story,” She said. 

“Oh don’t give my dad any ideas. I guess he isn’t doing that stuff anymore, but he already made an alcohol shower. To be fair that was to prove he could, he didn’t always use it but…” Peter shuttered, closing his eyes against the memories dramatically. 

“Look look, I’m gonna be Steve and Bucky,” MJ said, before spinning so she was facing Peter with her back to the fire. “Babe, I’m just… so sorry babe,” 

“No babe it’s all on me,” Peter replied, struggling to keep a straight face. 

“Babe, no, it was  _ me _ not you,” 

“But babe-” 

“I am shoving my foot down whoevers throat I find first if you two don’t stop that this instant,” Loki said. “Thor will attest that is not to be taken lightly,”

_ “I’LL PROTECT YOU BABE!”  _ MJ yelled, throwing herself across Peter. 

_ “Babe! NOOOOOO!”  _

\---

“Shh shh shh, guys, Peggy’s calling me,” Peter said, eyes side while MJ and Loki tried to muffle their giggles at the recent Sam impression. “Should I pick up?” 

“You have to!” MJ whisper yelled. 

“What on  _ earth _ could she have to speak to you about at Two ‘o eight AM?” Loki asked, recovering from his laughing fit enough to speak. 

“Okay shush shush, I’m picking up!” Peter said, pressing the button. “Uh… hello?”

“Peter, so glad you could pick up, teens are simply the best when it comes to late night messages, now I need you to make sure you keep Pepper from checking the news tomorrow morning, can you do that for me sugar?” she asked. 

“Yeah! What did you… do?” He asked, trying to avoid eye contact with them so he wouldn’t burst out laughing again. 

“Oh shit who did Peggy kill?” Loki asked. 

“Please tell me they were in the school district,” MJ whispered. 

“Tell those two hello for me will you Peter, they must have left their phones, or I am being ignored, which I strongly doubt given what I know about them,” She said. “And tell MJ he was a government worker, she should like that. Plenty of assault accusations and such, but more importantly right now, it doesn’t sound as if you are in your home, where are you three getting in trouble?” 

“How can you hear that through the phone? I don’t think even I could and I have super hearing,” Peter said. 

“Oh doll, these phones are nothing, now back in the forties, those were a bit of a challenge even for me, but later on, even in the eighties, nineties, things became so much easier, and that didn’t sound like you said hello for me did you. I do with you would, Loki seemed sad last I saw him,” 

“Well that’s fair. MJ, Loki, Peggy says hi. Uh, yeah we’re in the old smallpox hospital,” Peter said. “Loki was gonna summon a ghost but then we were lazy, so I ate all the snacks and we made a fire,” He said.

“The ruins on the Island?” Peggy asked. 

“Yeah, we took the bridge with Steve’s old motorcycle and-” He started, stopting when the cocking of a gun over the phone interrupted him. 

“Stay still stay quiet, I will be right there, if any of you so much as move, I swear to heaven and back you are going to regret it for every moment after, if not at their hands then at mine,” She said, speaking quickly. 

“Wha-” 

“Please all be there when I get back. Watch MJ, she thinks she’s strong because she is around strong people, remember she doesn't have any powers,” Peggy said. “I will be right there, don’t move, got it?” 

“But-” 

“I love you, be right there,” She said, handing up. 

“What was that?” MJ asked. “What’d she say?” 

“Um… I think… we’re in danger,” Peter said. “We need to be quiet and sit still or we could get hurt, but she didn’t say by what,” 

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Loki asked. 

“Definitely,” MJ said. 

“I assume we are talking about being as loud and flashy as we can be,” Peter said, pulling out the collapsible cymbals Ned gave him last month for his birthday. “Because I am way ahead of you,” 

“I thought you lost those,” MJ said. “Didn’t our teacher take that in class?”

“Being able to stick to ceilings has many benefits,” Peter said.  _ “Come get us monsters!” _ He yelled, slamming the cembles together.

“Whooohooo!” 

\---

“I hope you three know how disappointed I am in you,” 

“Sorry Peggy,” They said in unison. 

“I’m just glad you didn’t get eaten- don’t touch that dear, I would like you to stay alive,”

“What the hell…   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 80!!! Also, we're gonna have a basketball turnorment soon, bc I just have to write my interests into everything, so comment any ideas for that.   
> Also, because I shamelessly brag about all my commenters to my family, comment your pronouns (so I get them right)!! Love you all!!


	81. tHE AFTERMATH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MJ's is a in trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEET

“What was down there?” Peter asked, tilting his head. “Was it gonna hurt us?” 

“Oh don’t worry about that dear. I can not  _ believe _ that you three went about  _ deliberately _ putting yourself in danger when you had no  _ idea _ what the threat was or how you would have to handle it,” She said, handing each of them a mug. 

“What is this?” Loki asked, tilting his head. 

“Its hot chocolate idiot,” MJ whispered. “How long have you been here again?” 

“Well clearly-” 

“Just drink it hun,” Peggy said. 

“So what was that thing,” MJ said. 

“How much did you hear?” Peggy asked. 

“Well we where able to hear some, but someone,” Loki paused, shotting a glare at MJ, “Chickened out, and so Peter swung us up on top of the building,” 

“I see,” Peggy said. “There have been some complications with a case I was working on, nothing I want any of you to worry about- MJ drink that up dear you’re to thin- espetilly not you Peter, I don’t want any of you thinking you can go after it, got it?” She said. 

“I’m not really that cold,” MJ said, setting her untouched mug down and curling her feet under her, still leaning on Peter. Peggy shot her a look, standing up. 

“Maybe some coffee to wake you three us instead,” She said. Peter raised his hand. “...yes? Peter?” 

“Coffee makes me calmer,” He said. “I told my dad and he just staired at me while he worked on the coffee IV,” He said. “And when I told Sam he just cried. I don’t think Sam’s okay,” 

“Peter, why don’t you drink their hot chocolate, I’ll get them something else,” She said, puttering around the kitchen. 

“That’s so weird Peter,” MJ said. 

“Now do you three have guns? Here, I actually have some I was going to get rid of anyway and-” 

\---

“Clint, I need your help,” Steve said. Clint smiled, sliding down his rope from one of the weird ledges Tony had put in for him and Peter, landing in front of him. 

“With what?” He asked, winding up the cord. 

“I think dogs may have changed since the forties,” Steve said. 

“Are you talking about Tinkerbell or… cuz that’s not a dog,” Clint said. 

“Um… so Bucky felt bad about that so…” Steve said. “You know what, just follow me,”

“Okay,” Clint said, yanking on the end of the chord, pulling it down, with a bit of the wall, which he just pulled off and chucked away, making Steve wince. “Let’s go,”

“Wh- okay,” Steve said, opening the door. Clint stepped in, throwing his bow across his chest. “It’s here somewhere…”

“By it do you mean your husband- puppy!” Clint said, picking up Puddles, who was already twice the side he was when Bucky brought him home. “Hello! When did you get him!” He asked, lifting him above his head. 

“Bucky wanted a dog that would live longer than Tinkerbell did,” Steve said. “But he started growing and I don’t think that dogs should grow this fast and I’m worried that somethings wrong,” Steve said, wringing his hands. 

“No, there’s nothing wrong,” Clint said. “Bucky managed to get the largest dog you can buy, so he’s gonna grow really fast,” He said. “Hewwo, who’s the cutest wittle puppy?”

“How big do they get?” Steve asked. Clint brought the dog down, holding it like a baby against his chest. 

“Well do you see that counter over there?” Clint said, nodding at their kitchen. “Yeah he- hold on,” Clint said, checking, “Yep it’s a ‘he’ he’s gonna be taller then those counters,” 

“Taller?” Steve said. “Are you sure it’s a dog,” 

“Taller than a mini horse,” Clint said. “Oh my gosh, what’s his name?” 

“Puddles, they names him,” Steve said, scratching the dogs belly. 

“ _ PUDDLES _ ! I’m in love with him!” Clint said. “We should let him met the other dogs before he gets to big,” 

“Is that a good idea? Tessa is afraid of her own shadow,” Steve said. 

“Well, we’ll start with Lucky. He’s pretty much recovered at this point, and he just found out how to jump on top of the fridge,”

\---

“I remember this area,” MJ said. They had been given permission to walk home, only after describing in detail the route they were planning on taking and Peggy checked it with google streets. Of course, Peter insisted that take a short cut he’d found on patrol and had been briefly lost, but managed to get back on track, or so they thought. “It’s where we played basketball that one time. Well, I played, you watched,” 

“I was worried about hurting someone!” Peter insisted. “I’d like… just gotten my powers because Ben was still alive,” 

“Yeah I thought you looked a little gray that day,” She said. 

“What is a basketball?” Loki asked, tilting his head. 

“What do you mean what is a basketball? Didn’t they have courts on Asgard? I thought it was a planet full of jocks,” MJ said. 

“They have one sport. It’s like all the most aggressive wrestling moves and battling moves squished in with dance but someone added eight random balls that change names and size inconsistently,” Loki said. “They never named it because no one could decide and eighteen to thirty people die every year, excluding the annual tournament,” 

“That sounds like Asgard,” MJ said. 

“Dude, we should teach Thor and Loki basketball!” Peter said. “Thor would love it,” 

“And Loki would embarrass himself, I like this idea,” MJ said. 

“Woah woah woah, I don’t think you understand the implications of teaching Thor a sport. He’s… it’s one of the only things on  _ any _ planet that would genuinely scare me,” Loki said. 

Peter opened his mouth to say something when a creep down the street hollered  _ something _ directed at MJ, making both the boys whip there heads around.

“Thank you!” Loki yelled back, flipping his hair and hitting himself in the face. 

“Ew,” She muttered, flipping him off and ducking a little to hide her face. 

“Oh so you think hitting on underage girls is  _ fun _ huh?” Peter yelled. 

“Peter don’t you dare-” She said, grabbing his arm. “If we come back beat up we’re never going to be allowed out again. Loki, do some magic thing to him,” She said. 

“On it,” He said. “I hope you don’t mind if you float home,” 

\---

“Okay, try to keep quite,” MJ whispered. 

“MJ they can smell us, it dosn’t matter if we are quiet,” Loki whispered back. “Do you think he told Natasha?” 

“I donno,” She said. “Here’s my room, I’ll see you in the morning,” 

“Okay, see you,” He said. She opened the door, sliding in and giving a sigh of relief when it closed. 

“Hey Friday, wake me up when I normally get up so it’s not suspicious okay?” She asked. 

“Alright Michelle, good night,” She said, turning off the lights.

She spend about half a hour lying down before deciding she was to amped up to actually sleep. It seems life and death disasters tend to do that to you. Instead of fighting sleep, she rolled out of bed, stumbling into the attached bathroom and pulling her hair down from it’s bun, wincing at the disaster it had become. 

She turned the shower on, standing in front of the glass fully clothed for almost ten minutes while the water steamed up the bathroom, showing the  _ lovely _ message Loki had written on her mirror with soap. 

“Real creative,” she muttered, whipping it off and stepping in the shower. It took a lot longer then she had expected for her to actually wash her hair/do her routine, between the extra hot water fogging up her vision and her sleepy brain trying to tell her body what to do. By the end it was almost five, about when Natasha woke up, so she decided to just get dressed and head to the kitchen. Maybe if she ate something Nat wouldn’t be focused on anything else, and it had been a few days at this point. 

“MJ! You’re up early,” Her mom said. MJ had kinda been hoping that Natasha early would look less put together then she normally did, but her hair was in a perfect half bun and completely straight, she had the same minimalistic makeup she always had, and was in a tank and joggers. 

“Did you already work out?” MJ asked, rubbing her eye, trying to get rid of some of the spots.

“Only a ten minute sprint, I like to do it before breakfast… Are you alright? You look a bit unsteady,” Natasha said. MJ moved to nod, surprised when the whole world looked like it moved with her. 

“Uh…” She said, blinking. 

“Here,” She said, gripping both sides of her arms. “Jeez you’re slim, Friday do you have a read?” She asked. 

“It appears Michelle has low blood glucose levels, accompanied with low blood pressure, low heart rate and breathing, and fluctuation in kidney function. I recommend giving food and water and then seeking medical attention,” Friday said matter of factly. 

“Uh oh,” She muttered. This wasn’t gonna be good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's was like 74 degrees today and I played Basketball w/my grandpa and now I have heatstroke and a fevor. Yaaaay Seattle. (I wasn't build for hot weather) 
> 
> ALSO I loved all the comments on the last chapter and hearing y'alls pronouns! I aprisheat you sharing! (and I keep checking just to make sure people are watching themselves bc I have zero faith in humans. No scum yet)


	82. RUSSIAN STORIES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's in big trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOVE ALL OF YOU GET READY FOR FEELZ

“Peter! You’re back late,” Tony remarked, looking at the clock. It was almost five AM when Loki’s magic restraints dumped him- harder then necessary -on the doorstep of his house. 

“Um… I don’t know what to do with this,” Peter said, gingerly handing him the sawed of shotgun Peggy had given him. 

“Wh- where did you get this?” Tony asked, putting it on the table.

“I uh… well Peggy told me I had to take a gun with me, and- well actually she just said that one of us needed a gun so MJ went on about carrying laws and Loki pointed it at his face, so I thought MJ should take it, but then she was like… ‘Peter I’m half black’ and I didn’t know what to do,” He said, gesturing to the dented gun. 

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t use it,” Pepper said. She definitely looked more tired then Tony and was leaning on Tony’s shoulder, a robe wrapped around her pajamas. “What happened? You look freaked,” 

Peter launched into a very detailed explanation of what had happened, getting to about the part with Wade before he got stopped by a very distraught looking Tony. 

“What do you mean you hid in the bushes with Wade?” Tony asked. “Why would you ever hide in the bushes with Wade?” 

“Well- I mean… okay so the thing is Mr. Wade was screaming and I was worried-” He said, wringing his hands together. Both of his parents raised their eyebrows at the same time. 

“You have never once felt anything resembling worry twords that man, try again,” Tony said. 

“If I tell you the truth are you going to laugh at me?” Peter asked. “Because Wade laughed at me. I mean, he was also covered in bullet holes, so that could have been why-” 

“No one’s gonna laugh at you Peter,” Pepper said comfortingly. Tony made a non-commital noise.  _ “Right Tony?”  _

“Of course of course, wouldn’t even dream of it,” Tony said. 

“I heard Wade scream and so I jumped out of the pit or hole thingy we where in and them…” Peter stopped to hide his face in shame. “MJ said it looked hot and I panicked so I waited until my face wouldn’t be red and Mr. Wade thought it was  _ really _ funny for some reason,” He said. 

“You where upset because she thought you looked  _ good _ so you hid until you thought she’d forget about you?” Tony asked. “I just-  _ ow Pep _ that hurt - I just want to make sure I have that one right,” 

_ “I didn’t know what to do!” _

\---

“Michelle- okay finish the gatorade and then we are  _ talking,”  _ Natasha said, her arms crossed. “Let me go get your father,” 

“Wait- don’t drag him into this,” She said. “Please?” 

“You ma’am deserve to look at his betrayed face when he finds out what you did…” Natasha said, sitting on the coffy table in front of MJ. “But… for now… the two of us can just talk.” she said, leaning forward and moving MJ’s hair off her shoulders to behind her back. “What where you thinking?” 

“You mean sneaking out?” MJ asked hopefully. 

“I could have stopped that had I seen reason to,” She said. “I am talking about your blood sugar. We already had a conversation about this, I thought we had a agreement,” 

“Well technical I didn’t break anything I promised you,” MJ said. “The only rule you had for me was that I had to eat everything you put in front of me and that Friday would tell you if I externilly triggered my gag reflex. I did neither of these things, therefor you do not have a case against me,” 

“First of all you would be a phenomenal lawyer,” Nat said. “Fine, open your mouth,” 

“I- what?” MJ asked. 

“I know we are giving you enough food, and Friday has cameras everywhere, so open your mouth, I want to see how you’re getting around us,” Natasha said. “Go on,” 

MJ cautily opened her mouth half way, Natasha grabbing it and pulling it down the rest. “Hmph!” 

“Exactly what I expected, you have raw tissue on your throat. Drinking that must have hurt huh?” Natasha said. “You’re inducing vomiting some other way. Dangerously to if your throat is anything to go by,” She said, closing MJ’s mouth for her. “Now are you doing to tell me what it is or am I going to have to explain to Strange why I needed him to come down here and do a blood test on you?” 

“Okay okay… follow me,” MJ said, standing up and blinking for a second. Natasha, as upset as she was, still put a secure arm around her, leading her to her room where MJ sat on her bed. “Second drawer down, desk, under the eight hat,” She said. A rattle told her Natasha had found it. 

“Oh MJ… where did you even get this?” Natasha asked. 

“I told Bucky I needed it for school,” MJ said, looking down. “As an emergency kit. I knew ipicacc was a lot more common in the 40’s and he wouldn’t put it together,” She said. Natasha carefully set the pills down, kneeling in front of her bed. 

“I know I don’t need to tell you what that can do to you,” She said, smoothing down MJ’s hair. “That it can cause seizures and muscle disease and heart failure if used for weight loss. I don’t need to tell you that right Michelle?” 

“No,” MJ said quietly. And it was true, she knew the side effects of that drug, it was just the easiest she could get a hold on. 

“And I don’t need to tell you about what will happen if you keep throwing up, do I?” Natasha asked. MJ shook her head tearfully. “Because I knew a girl who did the same. Back in the red room,” 

“Really?” MJ asked. 

“Yes. I never liked her. We didn’t have enough food, why throw away what they give us,” Natasha said. “She was much weaker than you, she couldn’t stop herself, which is where you differ,” she said, taking MJ’s hands. 

“It is?” MJ asked. 

“I know you  _ could _ stop. You aren't. But this girl-  Аделина or Adiline to you- she didn’t know how to control herself. That’s what it was about to her. She lost herself in her capture and she needed something that was only hers. They let it happen of course,” Natasha said. In the storytelling she slipped into more russion speech, keeping her voice soft. It was far from the reaction MJ expected, but she wasn’t pushing her luck. 

“What happened to her?” MJ asked. 

“There was a reason no one ever stopped her,” Natasha said. “One or two newer girls tried once, but the cutthroats edged her on, saying how beautiful and small she looked, even though she looked nothing of the kind,” Natasha said. “One morning I woke up to screaming. That was no common their, most were numb to death so I knew it was bad,” 

“Okay,” MJ said. 

“I roll over in bed and they uncuff me. She was lying in her own blood, screaming her head off and rolling on the floor. She would throw up at night, someone had uncuffed her, probably a male guard. Her esophagus had ruptured and she was bleeding out, still trying to make herself throw up nothing. All the while the guards kicked and screamed at the cryers,” Natasha said. 

“Did you cry?” MJ asked. 

“I had promised myself long ago I would not cry for that girl,” Natasha said. “I told myself it was because she was not strong that she couldn’t stop, it was how I justified it. Eventually she threw up more and more blood, and then large parts started coming up. We were never told but it was her stomach and throat,” 

Natasha now took both of MJ’s hands and put them on her forearms, holding MJ at her elbows. “Okay…” 

“MJ I did not cry for her because I knew she was weak, but I know you are not,” Natasha said. “But I do think you are stupid,” 

“Ouch, okay…” MJ said, leaning back and making Natash laugh. 

“No no, let me explain,” Natasha said. “You know what will happen and yet you do it anyway, because you do not think it will happen to you,” She said. “A most basic form of ignorance,” 

“I-” 

“But it will, and if you become Аделина we would never recover,” Natasha said, kissing MJ's forehead and standing up. “Friday, change the alert to any time she throws up, got it? MJ come down for breakfast when you wake back up,” She said, grabbing the bottle. “I’m taking these with me,” 

“I- okay?” MJ said. 

“I love you,” Natasha said. 

“Love you to,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I screwed up my hip and now I can't walk fml


	83. Basketball chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They playz da b all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah you already know what's comming

“How have  _ none _ of you played basketball?” MJ asked, taking a sip of the juice Clint kept refiling. This was her third glass or something and she was really hoping that it would be her last too. 

_ “Or _ seen Hoosiers?” Peter said. “I saw that before I even knew what basketball was and I still liked it,” He said. 

“It’s just never been a priority in my life,” Tony said. “Ugh, Peter see if you can get this screw. It’s stuck too tight for the screwdriver,” He said, gesturing to the smallest screw MJ had ever seen. 

“ Sure,” Peter said, grabbing the mass of wire and metal, twisting the screwdriver once and handing it back. “Here you go,” 

“Ugh, children,” Tony said. “Thanks,” 

“Anyway, back to my original point, Hoosiers is  _ actually _ a really gay movie,” MJ said. “I mean the uniforms alone- and then the weird plot with Ollie and that other kid?” 

“It’s like Steve and Bucky in the fifties,” Peter said. 

“I don’t think I want to see that movie anymore,” Clint said. “MJ you need more juice,” 

“Oh my  _ gosh _ I’ve had so much juice! Is there even any left? Let me drink water or something,” She said while Clint took her cup. “There are more effective ways to raise blood sugar content!” 

“You’re going to drink this…” Clint said, handing back another full glass, making her grone. “And you’re gonna like it. After that you can be done,” 

“Fine,” She said, taking a gulp. She wasn’t going to say she  _ didn’t _ deserve it, but she also didn’t necessarily think that it was pleasant either. Not that she ever imagined Clint intended that. “We should teach you guys,” 

“Hey- I know how to play,” Clint said, mockingly offended. “And aside from that I have a lot of experience throwing humans in very small hoops,”

“Aiming does kinda seem to be your thing,” Tony remarked, rubbing his hands together. “I’m down, but I need to be better than Bruce,” 

“I don’t think that there’s any competition there,” Peter said. “I asked him if he knew any NBA players once and he asked if that was a kind of robotics,” 

\---

“Okay, I’m one team captain, Peters the other,” MJ said. “Do all of you know how to play?” 

It turns out that no they do not, which became clear when they were instructed to ‘dribble’ the ball across the court. “Steve what are you doing?” Peter asked, staring at Steve smacking the ball with his palm. 

“This looks the most like the photo I was online,” Steve said. 

“Okay- no first of all… just use your fingertips, like this,” Peter said, dripping and passing the ball to Steve, who dropped it. “How are you this bad? You’re  _ Captain America. I _ feel like you have to know basketball. You grew up in New York to,” 

“It was more about baseball back in the forties,” Steve said. 

“And also the baseball team didn’t make cuts,” Bucky called from over Steve’s head. Bucky was… slightly better. He at least seemed to know what he was doing was wrong, even if he had no idea how to fix it. 

“Bruce I swear if I see you dribble with both hands again I am putting you through the basket,” Clint said, dribbling  _ at _ Bruce. “And we’re not even on the same team. It just hurts to see,” 

“Okay… ouch,” Bruce said. “See, this is perfect neither of us want me here, I’m just gonna-” Bruce said, setting down the ball. 

_ “Bruce if you walk out that door-” _ MJ said, using her ‘gym’ voice. A plus side of playing a fair amount of sports, you learned to project young. Still, she was not loud enough to justify how high Bruce jumped. 

“Fine fine,” Bruce said, walking back like a sulky teenager. An easy comparison because Loki also did  _ not _ want to be there. 

“Bruce you look like Loki when you do that!” Tony heckled from the side. 

“You need to dribble, leave him alone,” Peter said. “Mr. Stark,” 

“Not gonna lie, that one hurt,” Tony said, shooting from half court, getting a basket off the backboard, thoroughly surprising Clint. “What? Business skills,” Tony said, shrugging. 

“That meeting went to hell in a handbasket,” Pepper said. She’d agreed to play only if she could be on the opposite team of Tony. “Because  _ someone-”  _

“He cheated, Friday could tell,” Tony said, shooting again. 

“Wanda, you can’t just use magic to make baskets,” MJ said. 

“I do not know how to do that,” Wanda said. 

“Okay- Peter!” MJ called across the court. Peter happily felt the rehash of the old meeting arguments to talk to her, flipping his way over just to be extra. “Yeah yeah, we know you did gymnastics, I wanna show them one on one,” She said. “I think Bruce still thinks those are called goals,” She said, nodding to the basket. 

“Well you make a  _ goal _ in it, don’t you?” Bruce asked. 

“Okay, just all of you watch us,” Peter, said, looking disappointed at Bruce. 

“So see,” MJ said, while they all slowly turned to look at them. “I can play Peter because we’re  _ almost  _ the same height,” She said. 

“And who’s fault is that?” Peter asked Tony, who snorted. “You know aunt May was taller than me so-” 

“ _ And here we go!” _ MJ said, stealing the ball. 

They only played to five baskets, which Peter did eventually win, probably because he had super stamina (at least if you asked MJ that’s what she’d say) but it was surprisingly close. They had clearly played each other before and could pretty much intuit what the other was going to do. They high fived while Peter jogged over to get the ball which had bounced away behind a set of bleachers. 

“So… just basically do that. I donno, it’s not my job to do the learning for you. We’re playing seven on seven thought because… why did we decide that?” MJ asked. 

“Because we don't trust any of you as benchwarmers,” Peter said, dribbling. “Okay, let’s pick teams, I’m one captain your the other,” 

“I get first pick,” MJ said. “Because… oppression,” 

“Alright,” Peter said. In the end they ended up pretty even. MJ had Pepper, Clint, Vision, Bucky and Thor. Peter had Tony, Natasha, Wanda, Steve (who really should not have been on the same team as Tony), Bruce and Sam. 

“I notice you have more players than me,” MJ said, bouncing the ball. 

“I have Bruce, he's really half a player,” Peter said. “Or more like a handicap…” 

“Gee, really feeling the love” Bruce said. 

“Rule number one!” MJ yelled. “You can say literally anything while playing and you can’t bring it up later  _ or _ be a little bitch about it on court, Peter,” 

“I can’t control what Ned did. If I could then he wouldn’t have a porn fic with me in it,” Peter said. 

_ “Alright here we go!” _

\---

“Okay where’s Loki?” MJ asked. They’d gotten halfway through the first half of a game without noticing he’d managed to get himself forgotten about. “The doors are barred, we would have heard him get out.” 

“He’s probably a fly, or a dust particle or something,” Thor said. Thor for one, had taken to basketball like a fish had taken to water. His ridiculous height advantage helped him for sure. 

“Well how do we get him back?” Peter asked. 

“I have an idea,” Vision said, clearing his throat. “Ahem. On Wednesday, Loki had a text conversation that read as following with-” 

“Okay okay,” Loki said, turning back into himself and stepping out from behind the bleachers. “I guess sports would be better then the fall out of that… particular… conversation,” 

“Oh what did you do?” Clint sighed. Clint was also doing well. Like Thor he had a fair height advantage on them, but unlike Thor he had actually played the game once before. And it seemed archery was really helpful when it came to throwing things into hoops. 

“The point is I am here now,” Loki said. “And Vision is no longer speaking,” 

“Peter, wanna swap Bruce for Loki?” MJ asked. “He’s gross, but he’s also taller then Bruce,” She said, cracking her knuckles. 

“Yeah I’ll traid,” Peter said while Bruce and Loki made the switch. 

“Just… so much love on this court today,” Bruce muttered while Tony and Wade called at him. 

“Wh- Wade? Where did you come from? Are you gonna play?” Peter asked. Wade held up his hand to answer, which was still re-growing after a hippo-tooth brushing incident. 

“Can’t, just here to heckle,” He said. 

“You still have one good hand, Kevin Laue did it,” Peter said, passing him the ball, which Wade surprisingly caught. “MJ can I take him?” 

“Fine, but we’re kicking you off if you twerk on  _ anything, _ got it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for people who actually know the game better then I do, this will be hard on y'all to read the mistakes inevitably made while discussing the game...   
> Also my paster made local news!: https://www.kirklandreporter.com/life/stray-kitten-surprises-local-priest-during-virtual-sunday-service/?fbclid=IwAR3T9I2P8fiP4u6Kxw6ZuVEpWhWlcaTWUVqrT5q6IsVwN3F64WVcUccYKW8ws


	84. bounce bounce bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YEOTING CHAPTER AGGRESSIVELY AT YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to mention something from a few chapters ago; I don't have the views I wrote for Natasha talking with MJ, but I also didn't write that with the intention that those would be seen as her views either. Her skill is manipulation and I was (trying) to show that. Obviously anyone who struggles with an ED is incredibly strong and I have so much respect for those who overcome them. I just wanted to make sure that there wasn't any confusion because I definitely don't believe that but I also don't want you thinking Nat does either. I really just saw that scene as her manipulating MJ (for good) because she was worried and she knew which tactics MJ would respond to and which she wouldn't. Anyway, on with the chapter!

“Okay guys, team huddle!” MJ yelled. When they all huddled up she narrowed her eyes. “I need to confer with my other caption,” 

“What could you possibly have to talk about?” Clint asked. “You  _ just _ talked for like ten minutes,” 

“Trust me!” She called back, jogging half way across the court to meet Peter. “I want to trait Thor for Wade,” She said. 

“Are you insane? Thor’s the tallest guy here? He’s practically the height of the basket,” Peter whispered. “And Wade has 1.07 hands,” 

“Do you want him or not?” She asked. 

“I want him,” Peter said. “I also want to know what you are up to,” 

“Moi?” MJ asked. “I would never.  _ Thor, you’re with Peter, Wade come over here!” _ She yelled. They made the appropriate switches, leaving a confused Peter explaining the concept of  _ swapping _ to Thor. 

“Why’d you do that? Thor was our best player,” Vision said. 

“Not really. He’s tall but he’s big and heavy, it’ll be hard for him to change positions quickly. Clint you’re almost as tall but half as heavy, we’re going to do a man on man defence, Clint on Thor, try to break his ankles if you can, if you get him to fall he’ll fall hard. Aside from that match yourselves height wise, I’ll take Peter,” She said. 

“Break his ankles?” Pepper asked. 

“Sorta like getting him to trip,” Clint said. “Although if you need me to actually-”

“No Dad! Okay everyone go,”

No one aside from Clint and MJ actually followed the instructions, seeming to prefer to match with their partners and try to annihilate them. Which worked out pretty well because most couples were evenly matched. 

\---

Peter’s team did end up wining, mostly because they had Natasha and Tony, along with Peter, who even with Thor on their team, where just more agial. Although there didn’t really seem to be any winners.

“How do you… do that… for two… hours?” Steve panted, lying face down on the floor. The rest of the team seemed in similar shape, save Nat and Clint who seemed to have been playing something more like chess on the basketball court with each other then basketball. Although they still moved they did the entire game while making eye contact. Admittedly it was pretty impressive, if you ignored how creepy it was. 

“I am still very confused by what happened,” Thor said. 

“We know,” Tony said, throwing him a water bottle. 

“Those are killing the planet you know,” MJ said. “They take up to 700 years to dissolve. 80% never even get recycled and those that do usually turn into other water bottles, repeating the cycle,” 

“And yet you have to hydrate,” Clint said, rolling one to her.

“I think this is it. I think this is where I die,” Wanda said dramatically, leaning on Vision who wasn’t winded until they made up the rule that he couldn’t teleport anywhere. 

“Hey Wanda, three feet for Jesus!” Steve yelled from the floor. 

“Yeah that doesn't look like social distancing to me,” Clint said. 

“Oh I’m sorry,” Wanda said, standing up on the beachers and sitting behind him, wrapping her arms and legs around his waist. “Where we to close?” 

“Jesus and Corona are coming for you two,” Tony chimed in. Pepper threw the ball at his head, although missing by a foot or so. 

“Shut up,” 

“Okay, I am  _ sorry _ I stole the ball from you! Am I ever going to be forgiven?” Tony asked. 

“No, go sit in time out with Wade,” She said. 

“That's fair,” He said, walking away and sitting next to Wade, who was doing… things with his re-grown hand. 

“I’m bored, Peter wanna play again?” MJ asked, bouncing the ball to him. 

“Oh thank goodness,” Peter said, dribbling. “One on one or horse?” 

“One on one, horse is no fun with you,” She said. 

“I let you win!” Peter said. “To be nice!” 

“Sure,” MJ said, suddenly stealing the ball from him. “That ends now,” 

“How are they still going?” Bucky asked. “I mean I know I’m 97 but damn,” 

“MJ’s conditioned for this,” Natasha said. “Clint you’re taking notes on that right?” She asked. “We should find a way to incorporate that into the training,” 

“And Peter’s Spiderman, so… you know,” Tony said. “I asked him how long it would take for him to get tired swinging around in case I needed to pick him up, and he said he didn’t really know, it hadn’t happened yet,” 

“Children,” Steve said dramatically. 

\---

“Are you two done yet? I would like to actually do something productive this year,” Tony said. Peter shot over MJ’s head, thoroughly annoying her, before turning back to look at Tony. 

“Fine,” He said, pouting and drying off his face. MJ jogged up next to him, breathing harder then she had the entire time playing with them. 

“How are you guys so bad at this? I thought you at least wouldn’t get too tired” she said. “You’re like, the most physically fit group of people on the planet,” 

“It’s like swimming,” Tony said. “There is no logical reason it should be as hard as it is, and yet here we are,” 

“Well actually, the current theory with swimming is-” Bruce said. 

“Hey Bruce?” Thor asked. 

“Yeah?” 

“Here,” Thor said, bouncing a ball at Bruce, who jumped out of the way. “You’re welcome,” 

“Well I now know what I will  _ never  _ do again,” Loki said. “Physical exertion isn’t really my thing,” 

“Actually, it’s about to be,” Clint said, throwing him a water bottle. “Because we are building  _ this _ into our training for you two,” Clint said. 

“Does this mean I get to play Loki?” MJ asked. “I would really like to do that please? Very much so, in fact,” 

“Please tell me this means I  _ don’t _ have to play her,” Loki said. 

“You know, we’ll find a… healthy in between,” He said. 

“The answer is yes MJ,” Natasha said. “What? I don’t like lying to children,” 

“That’s it, I’m turning into a mouse and eating rat poison,” Loki said, making Sam sit up. “That was a  _ joke _ Sam! I don’t need more therapy!” 

\---

“Okay, look, popularity is still going  _ down _ sense the Gala, which was not the impact I was hoping that would have,” Pepper said. She had forced them all into a actuall meeting for once after they had all showered, insisting she had to talk about something unget. “So we’re taking a slightly different angle,” 

“This is never good,” Bruce said. He’d been forced through two many ‘diffrent angles’ at Peppers sudjustion for the company. “Please no more live interviews,” 

“Well, it’s not going to be that… exactly…” She said. “The public knows exactly who we are as a business, they know our stances and our politics, but they only really see us as professionals,” 

“Steve slept on Buckys lap last interview,” Natasha said. “What prefetinals do you work with?” 

“Pedofiles,” Tony said. Pepper didn’t correct him. 

“Anyway, I think it would be beneficial for our company, which the avengers are affiliated with, to be more outspoken on personal social media,” She said. 

“Nope nope nope nope nope,” Steve said. “I’m done, I’m leaving, I can’t I… no no no, I’m going to leave… no… I’m note Captain America anymore. No thank you,” 

“Sit your ass back down and watch my instagram tutorial Steven Rogers,” Pepper said. 

“Oka,” He said, actually sitting. 

“How did you do that?” Bucky asked. “Really? I have never gotten him to listen to anything I have ever told him to do. Ever.” 

“Fear, alright so you want to open the app…” 

Twenty minutes and a lot of confusion later, they had a very basic idea of what to do. Very very basic. “I’m still not doing this,” Bruce said. 

“You are because if you don’t I’m releasing all the footage I have of you before you joined the team,” Tony said. 

“That’s not… legal is it?” Bruce asked. “Pepper can I sue him for that?” 

“Tony represents himself in court, if you want to sue him be my guest, you won’t win,” Pepper said. “I can’t make him get a lawyer for the life of me. The company has them you know, it’s not that it wouldn’t be easy. He just likes hearing himself talk,” she said. 

“Really feeling the love here today,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!!!


	85. DAAAAAUUUUMMMNN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derp
> 
> there tha livestreams and ish. also shit goes down with pete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOPE YOU ENJOY!!

“Okay, we are doing  _ one _ livestream with everyone, but if any of you so much as think about saying  _ anything _ here that you know shouldn’t be broadcasted online or I’m retaliating with everything Sam knows about you,” Pepper said. 

“That’s so unethical,” Bruce said. 

“Technically I’m not working under a contract for pay or other with obligations to patient confidentiality, so it is  _ legal _ ,” Sam said. 

“And I have money,” Tony said. 

“Which makes it okay?” MJ asked. “Do you know how many minorities, especially-” 

“It makes you smile,” Pepper said, pressing the live button on the camera. “Hi guys! We’ve decided to do something a little different with marketing these days and wanted to get to know you personally, so maybe you can get to know us. Clint’s reading off the comments so we can answer them,” 

“I am?” Clint asked. 

“Yes you are,” Pepper said, handing it to him. 

“Alright uh… they want to know if Thor’s hair is real,” Clint said. “And- ooh… nope not gonna say that… ew,” 

“Let’s check,” Loki said, standing up and grabbing Thors hair, yanking hard enough to knock him into the wall a good three feet away. “I mean, we’ll need more extensive testing but…” 

“Loki sit down,” Natasha said, grabbing him by his hoodie. “Why are you wearing that? You know you’re gonna overheat,” 

“Oh for crying out loud- I’m perfectly fine,” Loki said. 

“How would my hair be not real?” Thor asked. “Like when you braid dead warriors' hair with your own? I guess that wouldn’t be your real hair right?” 

“It’s real,” Bruce said. “He baths in the hudson with dish soap, that man can not figure out how to put on a wig,” 

“I really thought I had gotten hime to convert to the shower,” Loki said. “Maybe next time,” 

“Oh you  _ really  _ don’t want to bath in that, you don’t know what people do in that Mr. Thor…” Peter said, wincing. “Really, the best thing I have seen thrown in there are all of the dismembered body parts Wade likes to get rid of.” He said. “Uh… except for the kittens that one homeless guy drowns all the time,” 

“Peter, they want to know if it ever hurts your arm when you swing around,” Clint said. “Oh they also want to know-  _ he’s a child _ okay Natasha write this name down Markopoliolover69,” He said. “And then here’s another one… you know he’s underage right?” 

“No my arm doesn't hurt!” Peter said over Clint. “Uh… it did at first, but it’s sorta like an extreme version of like… when you work out and your muscle has the tuny scars and stuff, and then like… it happened but even worse for a week or two but now it’s fine,” Peter said, looking at Tony. 

“I dunno why you’re looking at me, it’s not like I’m swinging around with you,” Tony said, bumping Peter with his shoulder. 

“Well I dunno what to say!” Peter said. 

“You answer the question Peter!” Tony said. 

“Okay next question for…” Clint said, scrolling up. 

“Hey that ones for me,” MJ said, leaning over. “It says-” 

Clint covered her mouth, eyebrows raised. “ _ Hey Bruce what’s it like being in a lab with Tony?”  _

“Uh…” Bruce said. “Chaotic… there’s a lot that goes on that I don’t understand because Tony’s also a mechanic which… I’m not,” Bruce said. “I just try to not touch anything that I don’t understand, because it might be a robot and you never know what they… do,” 

“Also Wade might have touched it,” Peter said. “That’s life advice, if Wade was near it it’s not safe,” He said. “Including anything on public transport,” 

“Okay uh… they want to know what he does with them,” Clint said. 

“I donno Mr. Wade, you wanna take that one?” Peter asked. Wade giggled for almost a solid minute. 

“Just don’t touch it,” Wade said. “At least not if you’re under 18…” 

“Okay moving on!” Clint said. “Uh, Tony kITTYLoVeR94 wants to know if you love her,” Clint said. 

“Pepper, I hate to tell you this, but I think I have to leave you,” Tony said. 

“Is that so?” She asked. 

“Well I was just told I was having a love affair with kITTYLoVeR94 so…” Tony said. “I don’t know what you want me to do about it, I’m powerless here,” 

“Uh huh,” she said. “If the couch is really that comfortable for you,” 

“Wait wait I was kidding Pep!” Tony said, kissing her head. She narrowed her eyes, but didn’t move  _ away _ which Tony thinks was a victory. 

“Okay uh… what can I shoot… everything,” Clint said. “No really, everything. Peter tell the story,” Clint said. 

“Oh yeah! I’m really allergic to peppermint, but I wanted a candy cane anyway, so I was going to have some anyway, and he saw me from a different building and shot it out of my hand,” Peter said. “How far away where you?” 

“Uh, that one building two blocks over. That one really tall one,” Clint said. “I donno, it was a really good bow I had, so that's why I could shoot that far… why are you so obsessed with whether everyone's hair is real? It’s all real!” Clint said. “Everyone’s hair is real!” 

“Here Clint… scroll up to look for better ones,” Pepper said. 

“Okay uh… They want to know if Bucky and Steve are really married,” Clint said. “I mean, that’s not  _ all _ they want to know but that’s all I’m gonna say,”

“Uh… yes?” Bucky asked. “I donno, I did it online at a starbucks and only because Steve didn’t want to look at Tony. Uh… they sent me a verification email though, so I think it was real,” 

“Oh my gosh I’m gonna kill you,” Natasha said, making Pepper sigh. 

“That was a joke,” 

\--- 

“Hey Dad,” Peter said, shaking the web off his hand. “I uh… well I have good news and bad news,” He said, clearing his throat so his voice wasn’t too shaky. 

“What happened?” Tony asked. “Are you okay? Do you need me to send a suit?” 

“Nonononono, that’d ruin this whole thing,” Peter said. “Uh… so you know how guys really like to make illigal bombs?” Peter asked. “Well these guys do at least and uh… I uh… well I found there dungeon thing, but they decided to chain me up, but it’s okay because the chains are attached to internal studs and I think I can rip them- well I know I can rip the studs, I don’t know if I can do it without bringing everything down, so I’m bending the handcuffs out of shape, anyway, I might be out a little bit past curfew,” 

“Wh- Peter Parker, tell me where you are right now or I swear I will blow NYC sky high to find you don’t try me,” Tony said. “Friday can’t track your phone, did you let it die? How are you calling me?” 

“I don’t know your number. I um… this is embarrassing, I didn’t want you to know how much time I spent crying in the bathroom at school, so I took the tracker out…” Peter said. “And me and Ned build our own cell towers with scrap metal. Or… well I built and he… brought snacks,” Peter said. “Just make sure Mom knows, I don’t want her to be worried,” 

“Peter  _ I _ am very worried,” Tony said. 

“Why? You know where I am. And these guys are so strung out they can’t even hear me. One of them thinks this is a wall talking right now,” He said. 

“No I don’t know where you are, that’s the whole problem,” Tony said. “These guys are on drugs? Have they hurt you?” 

“Yes they are on drugs, its the city dad, and no they haven’t hurt me, but I cut my head on some glass on this floor, so they think they have,” He said. “I’m super playing it up though, if they think I’m deleasius they go easier on me,” 

“How do you know that?” Tony asked. 

“Well it’s not the first time this has happened dad- oh shit gotta go! Love you!” Peter whisper yelled. 

“Wait kid-” 

“Call disconnected,” Friday announced. 

“Jee, thanks that’s real helpful,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really hyped rn because I've only had three hours of sleep in as many days and I didn't sleep last night and I have drunk a inhuman amount of diet coke and really I think all my organs are shutting down and I can't remember the last time I drank water but I really really hope you enjoyed! Also I used masking tape to write BLM on my wall and I wanna see how long it takes for my parents to notice. LOVE ALL OF YOU DON'T BE LIKE ME DOLLz!!   
> (except the BLM stuff... follow that)


	86. Peter... kid...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eeeeekkkk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your author is TIRED

“Okay, think Peter,” Peter muttered to himself, ideally twisting the chains. “If I just pull, everythings gonna cave in, and I don’t want these guys dead. On the other hand, I also don’t want to be tied up-” He snapped his mouth shut, seeing his ‘captors’ walk in. 

“Oh little ragno, così innocente. Peccato per quello che dobbiamo fare,”  _ Oh little spider, so innocent, to bad what we have to do. _

Peter, realising that they clearly didn’t know he spoke italian, decided that would be a nice card to keep up his sleeve. Also the short and injured bit. “Please don’t hurt me I- I don’t know what you want me to do I- do you want money? I have money,” Peter said. “Well… I have seven dollars and half a stick of gum, but it’s all yours! Just please don’t hurt me!” He said. A plus side to patrol was he knew exactly what they expected from their victims. 

"Schiacciare questo sarà più facile di quanto pensassi, la voce cigolante mi dà sui nervi molto rapidamente. Non sono una grande perdita per nessuno, ne sono sicuro."  _ Getting rid of this one will be easy. The high voice is very annoying. Will be no big loss to anyone.  _

Peter sighed, biting back at least ten comments he wanted to say. He had a feeling they might let something important slip if they didn’t know he could here. “What are you saying? What’s going on?” 

“Shut up spider boy,” The man in the back, that they had been using to translate said, throwing a rock at him, which Peter  _ could _ have dodged. But he thought that the face bruise would add to the effect. 

“It’s Spider _ Man _ ! M-A-N- why is this so hard for everyone?” 

\---

“Pepper, what are the legal repercussions for strangling your child?” Tony asked, resting his head on the table. 

“Well you represent yourself in court, you should know,” She said, erasing her email and starting over. “Why? What did Peter do?” 

“He got kidnapped on patrol,” Tony said. 

“He  _ WHAT?”  _ She asked, closing the laptop. 

“But it’s fine because he  _ can _ get out, he’s just worried about hurting the people who took him,” Tony said. “Because that makes sense.” 

“Where is he?” she asked. 

“I don’t know,” Tony said, running a hand through his hair. 

“You don’t know? How can you not know?” She asked. 

“Pep, I have a tracker in his suit, in his phone, on his watch and one under the skin in his neck because he breaks everything and he disabled all of them!” Tony said. “I don’t know what to do at this point!” 

“Why did he disable them?” Pepper asked. “Did he tell you?” 

“Yeah, he said he kept crying in the bathroom during class and he didn’t want me to know,” Tony said. “I think he just figured out the watch one though. Or he was a override code that he only uses sometimes,” 

“I really hate when your child acts like you,” She said. “Is he hurt?” 

“He said they hadn't but he cut his head and he’s playing it up, but that was a minute ago,” He said. 

“He called you right?” She asked. “Can’t you just trace the call?” 

“I could… if he hadn’t made his own phone and cell tower,” Tony said. “Ned helped with the design but it was mostly him,” 

“What are the towers made out of?” Pepper asked. 

“Probably scrap metal. Those wouldn’t have been too complicated, especially not for a kid like Peter,” Tony said. 

“Well if you can locate all of those you can at least get a general idea where he is,” Pepper said. “The reception can’t be to good can it?” 

“That’s… a great idea,” Tony said standing up. “I can trace any signals between the two that way,” 

“I’m going to call him myself, see if I can get him to pick up,” Pepper said. 

“I love you, that’s a great idea,” Tony said, kissing her head and running out, presumably to the lab. 

“Uh huh,” 

\---

“Bucky, I don’t know what to do,” Steve said. Bucky, who was brushing his teeth, looked in the room and burst out laughing. 

Puddles, who had grown so fast that Steve was convinced he had super powers, had decided that the best place to watch TV would be sitting on two legs. On Steve's lap. He was now almost up to their knees height wise, so he easily blocked Steve’s view. Especially with his ears perked. 

“Well I know I’m taking a picture,” Bucky said, rinsing his mouth and grabbing his phone. 

“No! Buck,” Steve said. “I don’t know what to do! Why is he so big?” 

“Clint said he’s gonna get to be half that size- smile -at least he’s still smaller than you,” Bucky said. “I am so posting this, you look so scared,” 

“Here puddles, why don’t you just… scoot over a little,” Steve said, shifting the dog off his lap. Puddles rolled over so he was belly-up, his midsection draped across Steve. “Now what?” 

“Now I think you pet him,” Bucky said. 

“I don’t think that’s what he wants,” Steve said. 

“Steve what else would he want? He’s rolling over for you to pet him,” Bucky said. 

“I donno, do all dogs like being pet?” Steve said. “It feel presumptuous,” 

“Oh my gosh it’s a dog Steve!” 

“Well I don’t  _ know,”  _

\---

“Whoa whoa whoa, hey guys, I know playing with fire is fun, but maybe not right now…” Peter said, squirming. It wasn’t the tourtor he was worried about, but he might accidentally pull out the wall if they started with him.

“Chiudi la tua bocca di capra ignorante o non sarai in grado di usarla,”  _ Close your ignorant goat mouth or you won’t be able to use it. _ His captor muttered, jamming his thumb into the lighter, which finally decided to work. 

“Listen, really, it’s in both of our best interests if you don’t do that, you have no idea what's gonna happen if you-” Peter said. “Whoa what’s that?” He asked. 

“Gas,” The translator said in the back. “Don’t worry, we put out before you die. Just like to scare Stark small time,” 

“That didn’t make any sense, okay… I’m really sorry guys,” Peter said, yanking his wrists up. As expected large chunks of wood came with the chains when he pulled, leading the ceiling to start creaking ominous. “If I were you I’d get out of here,” 

\---

“Hey Mom…” Peter said, picking up his phone. He’d  _ almost _ made it out of there. Almost. 

“Peter! Thank God you’re alive, are you hurt? What happened?” She asked. 

“I’m alive…” Peter said. “I mean, I’m not like… like  _ hurt _ hurt but I am sorta… like mildly hurt. It’s like if you-” 

“Peter,” Pepper said. 

“Right. Sorry,” He said. 

“Where are you right now?” She asked.

“Uh… I don’t really know. They put something over my mouth so I don’t know how long we drove. Like something that made me pass out or something. It’s pretty much just like… a swamp out here, I’m sitting in a big puddle,” He said. 

“Why are you in a puddle?” She asked. 

“Well there was this big root underneath it that I put on the big cut on my leg because I didn’t have a jacket or anything to keep pressure on it, so I was like ‘i need to find something’ and then I was like ‘root!’ so… yeah. They guys that kidnapped me weren't to bad this time actually, they spoke italian so I knew what they were talking about, but I couldn’t talk back because I was hoping that if they didn’t know that I spoke it then they would say something that like… you know that they wouldn’t normally say, and uh… they didn’t, but it doesn't matter now because they’re very, very dead, I’m sitting one one of them actually. Or I was, but they he started doing that thing where they choke on blood and I felt kinda bad even though I  _ said  _ that-”

“Peter, honey,” Pepper said. “Take a deep breath,” 

“Okay!” He said, sucking in aggressively. She sighed. 

“Alright, Tony’s working on finding you, don’t walk on your leg for now, you don’t know all that’s been hurt, I don’t want it to be worse. Try to say quiet in case they aren't all dead okay?” She asked. 

“Okay,” Peter said. “I think they all are, but okay,” He said. 

“Alright, we’re gonna try to be there soon, okay?” She said. 

“Okay, goodbye,” Peter said. 

“Friday did you get the call location?”

“Peter Parker called from an area in upstate New York, near Ithaca,” Friday said. “I have alerted boss and he is on his way as we speak. Currently trying to find any other heat signals,” 

“Thank you,” Pepper said. She turned her attention to Tessa, who was curled up by the door whimpering. “Peters coming home!” 

Tessa turned to her, her head cocked for about ten seconds, before jumping up and wagging her tail. “Yes he is, here, do you want a treat?” She asked, talking to the kitchen. Apparently the idea of a treat  _ and _ Peter was too much for her, because she was wiggling her potato shaped body hard enough to barely walk. 

“See, this is why he can’t do dangerous stuff,” She said, giving her half a burger she hadn’t finished, which the dog inhaled. “If he didn’t come home I think we’d both break,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe, I didn't sleep for like, three days... and then I slept 19 hours and I still feel tired. Help.


	87. Loki you did WHAT NOW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> blerge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki loki loki...

“Peter we really should get your head checked out,” Tony said, ruffling Peter's hair, and wincing at the blood that came away. “And that leg. I know you have super healing, but you’re not Wade,” 

“But I wanna say hello to Tessa,” Peter said, sticking his bottom lip out. Tony sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Please? Dad I haven't seen her for like… four hours!” 

“First of all it was at least twelve, and second…” Tony said, pausing. “Fine… I guess but don’t tell-” 

“Hi Mom!” Peter said, opening the door. 

“Peter,” She said, hugging him, while glaring Tony down over his head. “You should be in the med-bay,” 

“But no one is even there, it’s only Mr. Bruce, and he doesn't know medicine!” Peter said. “I’m just going to wrap it in toilet paper. Besides, I wanna say hi to Tessa,” 

“Wh- alright, we need to do better than that, but you can say hi to her.  _ For a minute- _ he’s already gone, Tony he’s already gone,” 

“I know Pep,” Tony said, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Can I get some brownie points for finding him though?”

“Hmm, I don’t think so,” She said, leaning into the hug. “No brownie points for you,” 

“I guess I’ll have to earn them then,” He said, kissing her ear. 

_ “Mom Dad I can still hear everything you say!” _ Peter yelled. “I can’t find Tessa!” 

“Check the bathroom cabinet,” Pepper said. “She was hiding from the cars,” 

_ “TESSA!” _

\---

“No no no, MJ you don’t get it,” Loki said. “It’s about they  _ power _ not money or sex,” Loki said. “They’re like 90, they suck in bed,” 

“What  _ POSSIBLE _ Power could you get?” She asked. “What do they have to offer?” 

“Well I am awfully glad you asked,” Loki said. “Pepper has a list of every business leader that SI meets with annually just  _ lying _ on her desk, practically begging me to get it,” He said. 

“Okay…” She said. 

“No…  _ everyone _ at least 200 representatives, including Fury,” Loki said. “My plan is to have slept with  _ everyone _ on that list, and then walk into the room and ask Tony for a pen. And suddenly, I control their lives, because I guarantee that SI wouldn’t want to do business with Pedofiles who slept with Tony Stark's nephew,” He said. 

“Ewww!” She said. “And Fury’s on that list? That means that you’ll have to sleep with him later,” 

“Sure…  _ later,” _ Loki said. 

_ “YOU HAD SEX WITH FURY?”  _ MJ asked. 

“Well I was moving alphabetically! Fury isn’t that low on the list!” Loki said. 

“  _ ‘F’? Really?” _ She asked. 

“No! His name is Nick!” Loki said. “I was going by name,” 

“FIRST NAME?” She asked. 

“Humans have first names?” Loki asked. 

_ “WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT MR.STARK WAS?”  _ She asked. “ _ Peter only used last names!” _

“Oh…” Loki said. “Well that puts many things in a different light,” Loki said, scratching his neck. 

“How So?” She asked. “Loki what did you think last names where?” 

“Well Tony said they were a kind of rating symptom, see your score-” 

\---

Pepper poked her head into Peter's room, ready to tell him to get in the car and that they were going to the hospital, which is where she found him, passed out while leaning against his bed, Tessa lying in his lap, her head on his chest and wagging her tail. 

“Friday? Is he okay?” She asked. She  _ thought _ she’d have been alerted if something had gone wrong, but that doesn't actually mean anything. 

“Yes, his healing factor has mostly taken care of internal injuries and is now healing his leg. It takes the majority of his energy to do so. He should have passed out for a while,” She said. 

“Well he can’t sleep like that,” She said, looking at his weird, bent in half position. “Hey Peter,” She said, kneeling in front of him. Tessa wiggled her butt, biting Peter's nose, which seemed to do more to wake him up. 

“Mmmh?” He asked, snapping his eyes open. 

“Hey sweetie, can you just lay up on your bed for me?” She asked. Peter stared at her, blinking for a minute, before  _ flipping _ over in a ball onto his unmade bed, where he grabbed a corner of his blanket and properly cocooned himself. 

“Well that’s one way to do it,” She said, giving Tessa a push to help her get up with him, where she also disappeared under the blankets. “Let me know if you need anything hon, okay?” She asked. 

“Mmmm hmmm,” Peter hummed. She smiled, turning off the light and closing the blinds before stepping out of the room. 

_ “What _ internal injuries,” She asked. 

“There was a hairline fracture on the base of his skull, as well as a twisted rib. He managed to replace the rib alone but ended up tearing the muscle in the process,” She said. “Both injuries are fully healed at this point, and I do not recommend any medical attention at the moment.Clean and disinfecting the wounds should be top priority for first aid care,” She said. 

“I need him awake for that, don’t I?” She asked. 

“I would recommend it,” 

\---

“Wait, so this thing goes back  _ generations?” _ MJ asked. “So everything you did with Fury you also did with his parents, and their parents and-” 

“What are you two talking about in here?” Clint asked, swinging around the door and thoroughly scaring the two of them. 

_ “Nothing!” _ Loki said, covering MJ’s mouth for good measure. 

“Sure, I ‘m gonna go get your mom, don’t even think about moving,” Clint said. As soon as the door shut he turned to MJ. 

“If you tell them I’m telling them that you drink almost a gallon of water before they weigh you,” He said. “And that you sewed coins in your bra because you know Clint would never make you uncomfortable and Natasha trusts him,” 

“Fine, but you owe me,” She said. “But if it comes down to you or my sketchbook I choice the sketchbook, I hope you know that,” 

“Oh how deeply wounded am I,” Loki said, rolling his eyes. Like he wasn’t thinking the same thing about the books under his bed. 

“Clint, I’ll take MJ, you got Loki?” Natasha asked. Clint nodded and grabbed Loki gently by the wrist. As if he had the option to not go. He was led back to his room and placed on his bed, Clint grabbing his desk chair and swinging it around. 

“What deal did you make with MJ?” He asked. 

“I wouldn’t do something that low,” He said. Clint just laughed. 

“Explain or we’re talking about how you read the same three chapters of Harry Potter, book four,” 

“So she has this trick where every morning-” 

\--- 

“Peter, we need to clean your leg, roll back over,” Tony said. Peter peaked his head up, narrowing his eyes suspiciously, before rolling over sleepily, hugging Tessa like a teddy bear. She seemed alright with the arrangement. 

“I used th’ web stuff on it,” Peter said. That much was obvious. He’d fallen asleep with what was left of his suit on, the entire left leg torn up to the knee, barley connected by a strip on his calf. There was what looked like a very large gash barley covered by a thin whade of webbing. 

“That doesn't look good,” Tony said, grabbing the first aid kit. “Why’d you use so little?” 

“It’z running out, ‘n I always wanna… not do that…?” Peter said, confusing himself. 

“Friday are you sure he doesn't have a concussion?” Tony asked. 

“He is not concussed,” Friday said. “Only your child,” 

“Okay… ouch,” Tony said. “Pep hand me that… the stuff,” 

“Here are bandages, antiseptic, medical tape, here’s a sewing kit but I don’t know if there’s enough to sew,” She said. “Remember start with rubbing alcohol, nothing here should be contaminated, it’s all pre packaged,” 

“Okay Peter, I’m gonna just-” Tony said. 

_ “Wait!” _ Peter said very suddenly, making them both jump. 

“What? What is it?” Pepper asked. 

Peter picked Tessa up, setting her down on the floor, where she looked up at him, crestfallen, and hugged a pillow to his chest instead. “Okay, I didn’t wanna hurt her… incase I squeezed her to hard or some’in,” 

“Okay Peter,” Tony said, shooting Pepper a look. “I’m just going to cut the webs off and-  _ Peter _ what even is this?” He asked. “This doesn't look like shrapnel,” 

“Oh yeah, I think they threw some kinda tracker on me before I got out,” Peter said. “I tried to cut it out but that didn’t work so I thought it would be better to just leave it,”

“Okay, let’s clean this up…” Tony said. 

It took them about half a hour to actually get his leg to a place where he could sleep more comfortably. As soon as Tony finished tapping down all the lose bandages, Tessa jumped onto the bed from where she’d been whining on the floor, frantically nuzzling under his arm. Peter pretty much instantly fell asleep with Tessa still licking his ear. Tony gathered up everything and threw it in the trashcan on the way out the door, his other (clean) hand on Peppers back. 

“You okay?” He asked when they got out. 

“Aside from the fact that I think I might vomit,” She said. “How’d you know how to do that? I thought you preferred the medbay,” 

“Well I kept my promise to you about the arc reactor,” Tony said, his arm wrapping tighter so it rested on her stomach, making her shoot him a look. “And Bruce tends to be accident prone in the lab,” 

“Is he accident prone or do you like leaving  _ surprises _ for him?” She asked. “Because I still haven't recovered from the living potato-” 

“Oh my gosh you make a potato bleed  _ one time-” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a new bike today! Aaaaand rode for to long and now my muscles are trying to lock, which is FUN!
> 
> AnYWAY HOPE YOU LIKED IT!!


	88. Bruce is so tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here yah are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyy Ohhhh

“Peter, what the  _ hell _ do you think you are doing?” Tony asked. Friday had alerted him to Peter ‘breaking curfew’. He’d really thought Friday was broken or something, but no, there was Peter, one leg out the window with his backup spidersuit in hand. 

“Uh… dreamwalking?” He said. 

“Get your spider ass back in here. What they  _ hell _ Peter?” Tony asked, grabbing Peter's shoulder and pulling him into the room, making Tessa jerk up. 

“Well I didn’t get to finish my patrol earlier…” Peter said, shrugging. 

“Sit  _ down _ ,” Tony said. Peter sulkily sunk into the bed, where Tessa crawled onto his lap, rolling over for belly rubs. 

“Before you say anything-” Peter started.

“No. Peter  _ no _ \- how do I even explain why- okay I’m getting Pepper,” Tony said. “And you are coming  _ with _ me,” 

“Aw come on, you can trust me,” Peter said. Tony turned back to look at him, eyebrows raised. “Okay well maybe not…  _ but-” _

“Pepper!” Tony yelled, tugging Peter behind him. “I don’t even know how to explain to Peter what he did wrong,” 

“Peter? I thought you were sleeping,” Pepper said. “Friday was  _ right?” _

“He was trying to sneak out the window,” Tony said.  _ “With _ his suit,” 

“Okay in my defence-” 

“Sit down,” She said, gesturing to the sofa. 

“Yeah okay,” He said, flopping down. Tony took the backup suit, throwing it vaguely at the kitchen counter before plopping down with Peter, stretching his arm to touch Peppers shoulder over his child. 

“I don’t even know how to go about explaining to you why what you are doing is wrong, because it is so obviously wrong,” Tony said. 

“This is your father's first time being on the other side of these conversations,” Pepper said, patting Peter's leg. “Why don’t you tell me  _ why _ you thought it would be a good idea to go on patrol while injured,” 

“Because… no one calls the police any more,” Peter said. “Like… they just let break-ins and stuff happen unless I help,” He said. 

“But if you are hurt, and then you get worse, and you  _ can’t _ help for even longer, isn’t that worse?” Pepper asked. 

“Well I won’t let that happen,” Peter said. 

“Okay, this is gonna take awhile,” 

\---

“Bruce,” Natasha said, throwing her empty cup at Bruce's head. “Bruce? Bruce Bruce Bruce Bruce Bruce-” 

“Oh my gosh  _ what?” _ Bruce asked. “What time is it?” 

“Morning time,” she said. “I need a favor from you,” She said. “Why is your room so  _ dark _ it’s light out,” She asked. “Are these curtains?” 

“It’s paint,” Bruce said. “What do you need?” 

“You  _ painted _ over the windows!” She asked. “Why?” 

“I don’t like heights… listen why are you waking me up at…” Bruce checked his phone. “Seven AM?” 

“Well I  _ thought _ you would be awake, I’ve been up for three hours,” She said. “Me and Clint have a mission we can’t avoid in Sandorea, and MJ and Loki can’t be trusted alone.  _ Last _ time we took our eyes of Loki he slept with Fury so-” 

“I’m sorry I think I heard you wrong, he slept with  _ who _ ?” Bruce asked. 

“Come on Bruce, keep up, anyway-” 

“Wait wait wait, was he disguised, did Fury know? I mean after New York I really didn’t think that they were on speaking terms,” Bruce said. “It’s… are you just not addressing it?” 

“It’s been addressed,” Natasha said. “We still can’t get much out of Loki, we don’t have him down as closely yet, all we could get out of him was that Fury’s interpretations of him made it ‘spicy’,” 

“Oh ew ew ew,” Bruce said. 

“I think Fury finding out his age was punishment enough,” Natasha said. “Although I will say that Clint really did drive the point home,” 

“Okay, why does any of this concern me?” Bruce asked, following over so his face was in his pillow, which Natasha threw across the room. “Hey!” 

“I need you to watch the teens,” Nat said. “I don’t trust our other siblings, Wanda’s a teen herself, and Sam’s… Sam, so you know,” She said. “By process of elimination,” 

“I don’t know how to take care of myself Nat,” He said. 

“I am well aware. By the way I am very disappointed that Thor is not in your bed right now,” She said. Bruce rolled over, looking at the empty half of the bed. 

“Oh yeah, he’s doing… king things,” Bruce said. “Something with his Sister,” 

“Terrifying,” She said. “Anyway, feed and water them three times a day, and don’t let them out of your sight. Oh, and throw things at Loki to make sure he didn’t replace himself with a hologram,” 

“I am not… qualified for that,” Bruce said. 

“Just call Thor, he knows how to keep Loki under control, at least to some degree. Technically you are only in charge of Loki and MJ, but Peter basically follows MJ wherever she goes. Just throw food at him, he doesn't cause any trouble. If you need MJ to stay put for a while, throw on a civil rights documentary made by a white man, she loves criticising them. If you need to talk to both of them at the same time ask what they are reading, or about the american revolution,” She said. “Okay? Okay, bye Bruce!” 

“Wait- she’s gone,” He said, shoving his head under his pillow. “I’m going to pretend that was a dream,” 

“Hi  _ Bruce!” _ MJ said, jumping on the bed. 

“Oh no,” 

“I’m not eating until my mother gets back and Loki just installed Grinder,” 

\---

“Vision, I do not like this,” Wanda said. “I do not use american websites, they are full of hackers and scammers,” 

“That’s who we live with,” Vision said. “Think of all the people from your own country that you can connect with,” Vision said. “And think about it, you would  _ love _ Instagram, it’s where you can post pretty things,” 

“I know what the website is Vision, I don’t have pretty things to post,” She said, throwing her phone on the bed. 

“Well you have your face,” Vision said. “I think that it’s very pretty. It’s what I post,” 

“I’m sorry what?” She asked. “Let me see,” 

“If you make an account,” Vision said. 

“I will make account, I will not promise to post,” She said grumpily. Vision smiled at her, happily scrolling through his phone while he waited. “Here, let me see account,” 

“Okay,” Vision said, pulling up the account and handing it back to her. 

“Vision,” She said, scrolling down. “All you post is me,” 

“No, look I also have some pictures of food,” He said, pointing to a photo of failed chile. 

“With me in the background,” She said. 

“Look at how many likes you get,” He said. “Everyone loves you,” 

“Oh, Vis why are my eyes like this?” She asked, zooming in on the photo. 

“I thought that you looked very beautiful,” He said, sighing. “I can take them down if you wish,” 

She stared down at the photos, then back up at her boyfriend. “No, it is okay,” She said, throwing the phone back to him. 

“Are you sure?” He asked. “I don’t mind if you would rather I take it down, it’s up to you,” He said. 

“No, I think it very sweet,” She said, kissing his cheek. 

“Alright, but let me know,” He said, furrowing his eyebrows. 

“Alright. Here, let’s try to make Kotleti and картофельное пюре again,” she said. “I want to see if you can figure out how to use cream,” She said. 

“In my defence I couldn’t smell at the time,” 

“There’s a reason that no cook while sick,” 

\---

“Loki if you do not give me your phone I  _ will _ smite it,” Thor said, spinning his hammer threateningly. Loki flipped him off from the sofa, not caring in the slightest. “Loki!” 

“Loki just hand that over,” Bruce said, sighing. Loki glared at him, doing nothing. “Loki the amount of things Thor could tell your parents…” He said. 

_ “Finefinefinefine,” _ Loki said, throwing the phone at his brother, who caught it, looking very confused. 

“How did you do that?” Thor asked. “I’ve never gotten him to do anything that I asked,” 

“Don’t worry about it,” He said. “I’m related to Tony and Nat. Begrudgingly,” He said. “Have you seen MJ anywhere? I haven’t seen her,” 

“Check the cabinet,” Peter said from the ceiling. Like Natasha said, he pretty much just follows MJ around until Tony calls him to the lab. “MJ likes to hide in small dark places to read,” He said. 

“MJ if you come out we’re gonna watch… something,” Bruce said. “What was that thing you guys have been obsessed with?” 

_ “Hamilton!” _

“Oh I’m going to regret this,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry that I missed yesterday! I got a bike two days ago, which is really great, but it turns out that, apparently, my body does not like me to move, so I have been in InSaNe amounts of pain... but I'm better now! Anyway, that's why the missed update, hope you like this chapter! 
> 
> (I'm gonna go ice my whole body now... bye!)


	89. Bruce does not want to be here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here's anotha chapta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOPE YOU ENJOY

“Hawkeye come in,” Natasha said, pressing the button on her earpiece. “Target is in sight,” 

“I have the shoot,” Clint said. “You should be free to move in,” 

“Copy,” She said, brushing her hair over the ear piece. With SI tech it wasn’t like anyone could actually see that, but she was ten times more comfortable with it hidden. “Engaging with target, Black Widow out,” 

“Copy,” He said, creeping forward in the vent, mentally counting his arrows. He still had about two hundred left, let alone the rest of his ammo for the guns he had, despite his refusal to use them unless a hundred percent necessary. Still, it was less than he’d have liked. He had a tendency to waste them on the way over. This time he had been trying to shoot through every traffic cone they saw. “Remember target is armed,” 

He sat back on his heels, watching Natasha trick the man into going outside. He’d almost forgotten that he was supposed to do something at all until Natasha gave him the code word. “Is this your daughter here?” Natasha asked, knowing full well it was a photo of him and his wife. 

“Shit,” Clint muttered, notching the  _ tracker _ arrow, shooting straight at his jacket. 

“Did you hear something?” The man asked. 

“I don’t hear anything other than you up here,” Natasha said, flicking her eyes up to Clint. “So you and your daughter-” 

“Wife, that’s my wife,” The man said. Natasha twisted her face into mock disappointment. 

“So you’re taken?” She asked, slipping her hand into his back pocket, the small blood sample device… thing that Clint did not fully understand, shining in her hand. Steve had asked him once if it bothered him to watch Natasha ‘work’ (and yes he did use quotation marks) which it didn’t. Mostly because he got to shoot the guy after. 

“I didn’t say that, I said I was married,” The man said, leaning forward. Natasha put a hand on his chest, stepping back. 

“I’m going to use the ladies room, I’ll be right back,” She said, taking a left. Not a moment later she crawled into the small hiding hole they’d scouted out ahead of time. “Here,” She said, dropping the mini vial of blood. “Ugh,” 

“Aren't you going to get back to your date?” He asked, kissing her cheek. She rolled her eyes, stretching as much as she could in the small space. 

“Hell no, we have what we need don’t we?” She asked, taking off her scary high heels. “I’m not taking any more missions unless the mark showers,” 

“Aw come on, he’s  _ smitten,” _ Clint said, leaning over to look at the man, who was waiting anxiously. “You have that effect on people,” 

“No, the black widow does,” She said. “Let’s just drop of the sample,” 

“Don’t forget we need DNA from the other guy too,” Clint said. “It’s a 19 hour flight to where he is,” Clint said, making Natasha groan. 

“Why aren't you ever the bait?” She asked. “It’s so much easier to stay up here with a weapon,”

“Because when we need men SHIELD uses Tony,” He said.

“Ugh, fine,” She said, standing up. “Fine, let’s go,” 

“Look! He’s gonna be so sad Tasha,” He said. “He’s- alright fine,” 

\---

“Bruce have you seen Peter?” Tony asked, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t find him anywhere,” 

“Yeah, check the ceilings in here,” Bruce said with a  _ long _ sigh. “Just don’t touch the TV. Or get near it for that matter,”

“Why?” Tony asked. 

“Just don’t let Natasha ever ask you for a favore,” Bruce said. 

“I am shocked that you ever would,” Tony said. He walked out of the room, turning back around immediately. “Those are her children,” 

“Yep,” Bruce said. 

“In your apartment,” Tony said. 

“Yep,” Bruce said.

“How’s that going?” He asked. 

“I’m hiding in the hallway of my own home,” Bruce said. “How do you think?”

“Okay,” He said. 

“Your child was scuttling around on the ceiling somewhere,” Bruce said. “Just be careful where you step, Loki and MJ where putting up bear traps,” 

“Oh boy,” Tony said. “I-  _ Peter get away from the window!” _

“Dad the people  _ need _ me!” Peter whined. 

“Peter-” Tony said. Peter made eye contact with both of them for a second, before smiling. 

“Sorry,” He said, backflipping out. 

“Oh my gosh I am going to strangle him,” Tony said. “Bruce can I kill children?” 

_ “Yes!” _

\---

“Ma’am, I understand that you are very upset, why don’t you take a seat for me,” Peter said, holding up his hands. “I’m on your side, I promise I am on your side, they don’t know anything, but you need to let the medics help your son,” 

“Oh  _ help _ him huh? Sure  _ you _ can say that, you get to hide behind your mask. People look at you, they don’t see  _ you _ do they? No! This is my  _ son! _ This is my  _ life _ how can you tell  _ me _ -” 

“Ma’am, I know, I promise you, but your son is sick. How about you let them help him, and then you can go visit him in the hospital! If he even  _ needs _ a hospital!” Peter said. “He’s going to be so much healthier if you can let them help you,” He said. 

“They’re gonna kill him!” She yelled. 

“Alright, lady if you don’t let us near our patient then we are going to detain you and bring you in for a psychological evaluation,” The EMT said. 

“Okay- whoa whoa whoa, that seems a little extreme,” Peter said. “Here, hey hey, Ma’am, what if  _ I _ help bring him into the ambulance? Would that help?” He asked. “Here, you aren't saying  _ no _ so… I’m going to pick him up now, okay?” Peter said. The lady stayed back, breathing hard but not doing anything to stop him. 

“Need help spider boy?” One of the EMT’s asked. 

“It’s spider _ man _ \- why is this so hard for everyone?” Peter asked, easily lifting him off the sofa, slowly walking to the ambulance.

“I need to go with- I need to help- I- can I-” The woman said. Peter looked at the EMT, who nodded begrudgingly. 

“Hey hey hey, you can come with me,” Peter said. “It’s fine it’s fine, here, maybe you can help him,” Peter said. “It’s okay,” 

“Okay,” The lady said. “Okay okay okay,” 

“Okay! Yes! Come on!” Peter said, gently setting down the son on the table. “Here, let’s let the EMT’s in to okay? So they can help him?” 

“Okay. Okay okay okay okay okay,” She said, repeating the phrase over and over while the EMT’s following them in. 

“Alright, I’m going to leave now, are you okay?” Peter asked, backing out. 

“Okay okay okay-” Peter left before he could hear any kind of protest. 

“Maybe a drug test and-” He heard, before he shot a web to the building. 

The rest of patrol was pretty quiet, the worst part being when he ran into Wade eating something  _ wrong _ with some of his homeless friends. He was just going to go check in with his friends from the soup kitchen when Tony called Peter again. To be fair, he had been calling Peter the whole time, but this time he’d broken through the blocker Peter had coded this time. 

_ “Peter!” _ Tony yelled. 

“He-ey dad,” Peter said. “Um… if it makes you feel better I helped people today!” 

\---

“I told you I wasn’t eating until my mom came back, I wasn’t joking,” MJ said, crossing her arms. “Do what you want. The hulk doesn't scare me, he’s fun, and Peter is stronger than him, so it’s fine,” 

“Yeah, but Thor’s a 6’5 white guy,” Bruce said. 

“That’s… fair,” She said. “I’m still not eating,” 

“Fine,” Bruce said. “But keep in mind that Friday is giving video evidence of everything you do here while you do it to your parents so they can look back on it,”

“How likely is it that they are even going to watch it?” She asked. “And besides, it is illegal to record someone in their own home without their consent. This is me, actively not consenting,” She said. 

“You know what  _ is _ legal?” He asked. “Mental hospitals. Minores don’t need to consent,” He said. “Which is more enjoyable, mac and cheese or a feeding tube?” He asked. MJ narrowed her eyes. “Fine, do what you want,” 

“MJ if you hyperfixate on your body and change yourself to fit society's views of the ideal female body, then you continue to perpetuate harmful standards to young woman and are, there for, part of the problem and agreeing with misogynistic male views,” Peter said. 

“Screw you,” MJ said, taking a bite of food. 

“Peter… what was  _ that?” _ Loki asked. 

“I have it down to forty two seconds,” Peter said. “It’s how I get her to eat lunch,” 

“Disturbing how comfortable with manipulation you are,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so just a little heads up on my updating schedule;  
> I just got a five day a week babysitting job for 4 hours! Which I am super excited for, but I might be slower to update because I'll just have less time to write. I'll still do my absolute best to update every day but we'll see how it goes 0_0  
> But I love how dedicated all of you are to this fic, and I'm still writing every day, but I might have to do more like every other day. SO so sorry!


	90. PEPPER MATCH MAKES BFFS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh y'all are gonna like it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE YOU GO

“Okay, I’m going down to the lab, don’t do anything up here,” Bruce said. 

“Wait, you just trust us here,” Loki said. “No one else is here,” 

“Thor’s sleeping on the sofa over there,” Bruce said, shrugging. 

“You’re just gonna leave?” MJ asked. “Like, for real?” 

“I figure the consequences from your parents are worse than whatever benefits you’d get from whatever you’d do,” Bruce said. “You can do what you want as long as you stay alive, but keep in mind that your parents will probably see whatever you do,” 

“So you’re really just gonna go?” Loki said. “Are you quite sure?” 

“Goodbye,” Bruce said, closing the door with a sigh. “Friday, you’ll let me know of anything really bad happens, right?” He said. 

“Of course, however, I will watch in amusement as I do so,” She said. 

“That’s good enough for me,” 

\---

“Peter, I have something for you to do other then patrolling,” Pepper said. “Because I swear if I catch you out on your leg again- I don’t know what I’m going to do,” She said. 

“If you say MJ… please tell Dad that those jokes  _ arn’t _ funny,” Peter said. 

“No- I’m talking to Tony about that, no I think I found a friend for you,” She said. Peter sat down next to her, although still looking wary. 

“I have friends,” Peter said, crossing his arms.

“You have Ned, and you deserve so much better then Ned,” she said. “Now the down side is that she does live in africa,” 

“How do you know her then?” He asked. 

“Well her brother’s the king of Wakanda,” Pepper said. Peter blinked at her, tilting his head. “But she’s really cool about it,” 

“Okay…” Peter said. “That’s okay,” 

“Great, so she’s bored and she’s flying out here, so make sure your room is clean,” She said. “And maybe make sure MJ and Loki are both clothed at least,”

“Okay,” Peter said. Ten minutes later, after shoving all of his vaguely clean clothes under his bed and throwing a blanket over the papers scattered on his floor, he sat on his ceiling to wait. Then the floor because he though the ceiling might scare her, then the ceilding again because it was so  _ cool _ that he could. Then the floor, and then he stepped in something sticky, so when she actually walked in he was trying to wash the Gusher off the sock he was still wearing. 

_ “Peter,”  _ Pepper said exasperatingly. 

“Oh! Hi,” Peter said, hopping on one foot. “I uh… I stepped on a Gusher,” 

“You have gushers?” She asked. She was very pretty, wearing a NASA-style tanktop, although he didn’t actually recognize the brand, with dark jeans and Vans. She had a backpack following behind her, on some kind of floating hologram, which was also playing some kind of music he hadn’t heard before. 

“Uh… yeah!” Peter said. “Want some?” 

“Duh,” She said, taking her backpack of the hovering platform… thing, and throwing in on his bed, where something made a suspicious crunch. 

“Your hair reminds me of Leia,” Peter said, throwing his sock in his hamper and grabbing on that did  _ not _ match. 

“Oh my gosh  _ thank you, _ no one gets it in Wakanda,” She said. She had a very thick accent that Peter didn’t recognize, but she was still really easy to understand.

“Wait, you  _ meant _ for it to look like that?” Peter asked. “That’s  _ so. Cool.” _

“It gives me a very big headache, but it’s so worth it,” She said. “I had a choker I loved that went with this shirt, but it was to VISCO so I had to dump it,” She said. “Annoying because it was the most comfortable,” 

“Oh well that sucks,” He said. 

“Holy  _ shit _ is this astrophysics engineering?” She asked, picking up one of the less successfully hidden papers. “With chocolate pudding on it?” 

“Oh… sorry about that,” He said. 

“This is very complicated work,” She said. “A bit messy though, almost as complicated as mine,” she said. Peter blinked at her. “That was a joke,” 

“Oh! It was funny!” Peter said. “I didn’t know if I was allowed to laugh,” 

“Always laugh, if it was not a joke I will just kill you,” she said. 

“Hehe,” He said. 

“That was a  _ joke _ I swear,” she said, her eyes falling on the collar on his floor. “Is this yours?” She asked, picking it up with her pen. 

“Oh, no that’s my dogs. I donno where she is actually…” Peter said. “Wait, oh shit I’ll be right back,” He said, running to open his closet door. Immediately Tessa bolted out, jumping up on her. “Sorry!” 

“Oh she is so pretty!” She said. “What’s her name?” 

“Tessa,” Peter said. “Oh… what’s you name? I don’t think I asked. Did I ask?” 

“I’m Shuri,” She said. “Hello Tessa,” 

“Shurih?” He asked. 

“Shuri,” 

“Shuria?” 

_ “Shuri,” _

“Shuri?” He said finally. 

“Yes! Tessa he got it!” she said. “You’re smarter then him, arn’t you? I can tell, you’re so smart,” 

“Hey!” 

\---

“MJ I don’t understand,” Loki said, flopping next to her. As fun as it has sounded to reck havoc to Bruce’s apartment, they didn’t want to wake up Thor and deal with that. “Why are these people always so creepy?” 

“What did you expect? Good genuin people?” She asked. 

“No but I expected them to lie about it!” He said. 

“Oh you sweet sheltered soul,” She said. “I’ll explain to you later. Peter just texted me a lot of exclamation marks and a photo of Star Wars, wanna see what’s going on?” 

“Oh norse yes,” He said. 

“I’m going to need you to never say that,” She said. 

“Respect my culture MJ,” he shot back, swatting at her. She rolled her eyes, jogging upstairs. “Why we going so fuck’n fast?” 

“Old man,” she said, speeding up just to spite him. When the got to Peters room, Loki panting behind her (Natasha and Clint had been conditioning him for less time then her, and he didn not find exercise as entertaining as she did) she found Peter sitting on the opposite side of the bed as a very pretty black teenager. 

“Hi guys!” Peter said. “This is… Shuria?” 

“The skinny white boy can not say my name, I am Shuri,” Shuri said, extending her hand. 

“We arn’t soupost to shake hands,” MJ said, shaking her hand. 

“I figure if you stay with these men you do not fear death,” Shuri said. “I see another skinny white boy,” 

“Yeah but he’s gay so it’s fine,” MJ said, sitting down next to her. 

“I’m  _ Bi,” _ Loki said. 

“You keep telling yourself that,” MJ said. “He’s that particular breed of insecure BI that only sleeps with one gender but lies about it,” 

“Hey!” Loki said, throwing his book at her. “That was uncalled for,” 

“But true,” She said. “I’m MJ, that’s Loki,” 

“Oh yes, the white boy who gave birth to the horse,” She said laughing. 

“I  _ told _ Thor if he told that lie to  _ one more fucking person-” _

“I can already tell Loki is very interesting person,” Shuri said. “I don’t know if I  _ like _ you, but I am very entertained by you,” 

“Gee, thanks,” Loki said. 

“አሳዛኝ ነጭ ልጅ,” Shuri said. 

“What was that, Friday what did she say?” Loki asked. 

“Oh gosh I love you,” MJ said. 

“You speak አማርኛ? Amharic?” She asked. “I thought it would be more common here then Wakandin, they do not want others to know their language,” She said. “And Stark can pick up languages in seconds. It scares me,” She said. 

“I only know a little, Peter knows more!” She said. “I did learn that fraze specifically,” 

“That’s iconic,” She said. “Peter you know it?” 

“I was bored and I didn’t wanna do my homework,” Peter said. 

“What does it  _ mean?” _ Loki asked. 

“ምን እንደሚሆን በጭራሽ አታውቁም ፡፡ ይህ አንባቢ google ን ካልተጠቀመ በቀር,” She said. 

_ “I need answers!” _ Loki said. “What about Google?” 

\---

“Oh my goodness!” Shuri said. “I love this lab! It’s almost as big as mine,” She said. “It’s so strange, like a workshop lab hybrid!” She said, picking up some of Tony’s notes. “What language is this? I never see this before,” 

“Uh…” Peter said, tilting his head. “It’s mostly english, with some italian,” 

“This is english?” She asked, making Peter snort. “Between the handwriting and the words I was confused,” 

“Tony’s confusing,” Peter said. “So here’s what I was thinking… you have Tik Tok right?” Peter said. “You saw that video where they dissolved that fish?” 

“I almost threw up,” She said. “And T’challa did, I made it play on his phone sense it was posted,” 

“Perfect, so here’s my idea… we do that to  _ trash _ ,” He said. “My dad already solved global warming, let’s solve pollution before he can,” 

“Wakanda does not have pollution,” She said. “Unlike you we respect the planet,” She said. “But I do not want everyone else to crash and burn,” 

“Perfect, so here’s what we’re gonna do…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh children make me SLEEPY omfg. And I have youth group tonight. ANYway I hope you liked it. And I know the grammers wrong but I'm not gonna fix it...


	91. peter kinda has a friend maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuri content

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEET

“Mom! Come look what we did in the lab!” Peter yelled, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet. Shuri followed behind him, looking slightly more dignified (probably because she was royaly trained) but she was beaming just as brightly as him. 

“Oh that’s a terrifying sentence,” Pepper said, closing the hologram she was working on and standing up. “Is anything broken?” 

“That’s the entire point!” Peter said. 

“Yes we used the… የቱርክ ዓሳ ይፈርሙ Peter what is that?” Shuri asked. 

“Well we saw a tik tok and they dissolved like… a living fish and they dissolved it and-” 

“Wait what?” Pepper asked. “Back up,” 

“Nope! Anyway, we found a way to dissolve trash but in like a good way, you know?” He asked. “Like without making it… bad,” 

“Yes we managed to find a way to dissolve trash without making it toxic,” Shuri said. “We already distributed it to a small lake nearby,” She said. 

“We built a drown to dump twenty barrel into the hudson,” Peter said. 

“Like I said, if it goes wrong there will be no consequences,” She said. “Worst thing that happens is everyone who bathes in the hudson will… die!” 

“Hey those are some of my best friends,” Peter said. 

“Wow thats… shouldn’t there be more… testing?” Pepper said. “I mean, it’s very impressive but… I don’t know if… that’s up to environmental codes…” 

“Dad said to ask for forgiveness not permission,” Peter said.

“I don’t know if you should apply that to this-” 

“No, we were talking about this,” Peter said. 

“Yes I did call Stark to make sure that we would not be in trouble,” Shuri said. “But then I remembered that I did not care who I hurt,” 

“Well… at least you’re honest,” She said. “How likely is it that this dissolves all of Manhatten?” 

“Twelve percent possibility,” Peter said. “Out of 350,” 

“Why not a hundred?” Pepper asked. 

“I don’t like people to know the real odds,” Peter said. “Mr- er, Dad taught me… but he wouldn’t tell me what his number was,” 

“Probably seven,” She said, shaking her head, confusing both of the teens. “Don’t worry about it, but it is very cool what you guys did,” 

“It’s not just cool, this is how to fix america,” Shuri said. “It is exactly what they want, a way for them to be lazy with the planet and have no negative personal effect,”

“And we got to make some things blow up to,” Peter said. 

“Oh yeah that part was really fun,” 

\---

Clint didn’t  _ fall _ asleep, infact that was a term he took issue with, because he didn’t  _ fall, _ he slept sitting in his normal position with his eyes open. The only was that anyone, including natasha, could tell if he was awake or not was a blink pattern that Nat swore by. So no he didn’t fall asleep while Natasha (and technical him) where on a mission. He just wasn’t awake. 

“Hawkeye come  _ in-” _ Natasha’s voice said, startling him awake. 

“Ah- herm. Yes?” he said. “I mean… uh… hawkeye in?” He said, shaking his head. 

“Whear where you?” She asked, before sighing. “Whatever, I’m compromised, retreating at the moment, if you have the shot take it,” She hissed. He blinked, leaning forwarded to see her, in a tight black dress, slipping through the crowd as subtily as she could. The man she’d been trying to get a sample from was following her less subtly “Over,” 

“Shoot to kill?” He asked, fiddling with the arrow heads. He had the shot. 

“Yes over,” She said. 

“Waiting for the shot,” He said. He could shoot from up here and kill him no problem, but they wanted to get him alone. “Take exit rout five, south, it should give you a direct path up here and leave him exposed. 

“Already on it, over,” She said. She was much better with radio etiquette them he was or would ever be. 

“Good,” He said, scooting in anticipation so she could crawl in and he would still have the shot. She hated this part of the plan, stating repeatedly that this was a one person mission and there was no reason that she couldn’t kill people as well, but never the less, she still jumped, landing perfectly in a crouch, and went behind him. 

“Dark blue tie, black suit, 287 pounds, grey and black hair,” Natasha whispered. “Just in case you forgot during your cat nap,” 

“Why do you think I sleep with my eyes open?” Clint said, taking the shot as he stepped through the balcony. He used the ‘shove’ arrow, which didn’t penetrate the skin anywhere, rather acting like a large  _ push _ over. It was for precisely the missions like this where they had to make it seem like there was no possibility of foul play. 

“Clean,” Natasha said, staring at the mans split skull.

“Mmm, can we go home yet?” Clint asked. “All the suspects are either ascertained, sampled, or dead,” He said. 

“Have we really been off missions so long you forgot that debriefs were a thing?” She said. “Lets go, SHIELD is waiting for us,”

“No-o-o, Colsons there, and Colson’s  _ creepy _ ,” Clint said. “Remember that one time he asked me out?” 

“Ancient history now,” Natasha said, patting his back. “Think about it this way, we can yell at Fury for sleeping with a minor,” 

“Yeah… okay,” Clint said. “Can i shoot him?”

_ “NO!”  _

\---

“I will condone that maybe America is not as bad as I expected, at least it is not on fire,” Shuri said. “But I still do not know how I feel about eating intestine,” 

“That's only on the outside,” Peter said, handing her the hotdog. He had sworn it would be a crime for her to visit New York and not try one. “And it is probably plastic,” 

“Yes, that makes me feel  _ so _ much better,” She said, taking a bite anyway. “Mm?”

“What do you think?” Peter asked. 

“It is not awful,” She conceded, taking another bite. Peter grinned at her, wiggling. “No, no don’t do that, it makes you look like a pathetic… what’s the word… አሳዛኝ የሕፃን ወፍ?” 

“I’m not a sad baby bird!” Peter said, swatting at her, almost spilling his drink in the process. “Oops!” 

“I love watching sad people exist,” She said. “I find them fun,” 

“You know you’re really mean. To me, specifically,” Peter said. “You liked MJ,”

“It's how I express my affection. If I don’t have someone I like to make everyone attack, I don’t know what to do with myself,” She said. “Take it as a compliment,” 

“I- okay.” Peter said. “Tony’s the same way,”

“That sounds about right,” She said. “So you patrol around here,” she asked, looking around. “It’s pretty.” 

“Yeah!” Peter said, bouncing. “I love it, see I swing from the buildings up there and-” 

“Wait, you swing?” She asked. “Swing from what?” 

“Oh you haven’t seen the Spider Suit!” Peter said. “Come on, let me show you!” He said, ducking behind an ally and throwing the suit on. 

“What are you doing?” She asked while he pulled his mask on. “Why do you get dressed in the back alley? You have a bedroom,” 

“Uh… usually it's a sper of the moment kinda thing,” Peter said. “Like now!” 

“Okay so you swing around… how?” She asked. “Like a monkey bar?” She asked. 

“Here, watch,” Peter said, shooting a web at one of the buildings and pulling, doing a speedy lap around about eight blocks before landing next to Shuri, who was awestruck. 

“What kind of technology is that?” She asked, turning over his wrist, where just the nozzle was visible. “What did you use? This screw is so small, I would need special equipment built for the nozzle alone! Did Tony design this?” 

“Uh… no?” Peter said. 

“Who did?” She asked. “This is amazing,” 

“Uh… I did. I was bored in class,” He said.

_ “You built this?” _ She said. “We need to go back! I want to study this!” 

“Okay,” Peter said. “You wanna swing back?” 

“You swing, I choose life,” She said. 

“Fine, but when we go back can we eat the rest of the gushers?” Peter asked. 

“I was really hoping you would ask that,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I JUST Got A LAPTOP!! Meaning both I can write more and this probably has extra mispellings. Sowwy! Once I get used to this keyboard it'll be better!!!
> 
> Also, quick question, y'all are still pro thor and Bruce right? Bc I wanna do a plot line with them but I wanted to make sure y'all where still good with them. KAY love you!!!


	92. Lot's happened here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry at how chaotic this chapter is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EVERYTHING HURTS ENJOY THIS CHAPTA

“Hey what does this mean?” Loki asked, showing his phone to Bruce. 

“ _ Why where you texting this man!” _ Bruce yelled, yanking the phone out of Lokis hand. “Do you know what any of what you typed means? I mean- oh shit delete that, delete that right now,” Bruce said. 

“That one wasn’t half as bad as most of these mens pick up lines on this app,” He said. “I mean, it wasn’t a photo of genitalia,” 

“Loki he said let me explain what we’re gonna do when we meet like you’re a  _ five year old _ I-” Bruce said. “How has Natasha not found out about this yet?” 

“This isn’t strictly… my phone…” Loki said, flashing someone else's Stark ID. “Peter gave it to me,” 

“Does that say  _ Ned _ ? Like… like that one guy that keeps coming over and breaking everything?” He said. 

“I donno, he just said to disinfect everything,” Loki said. “Uh… can I have my phone back?” 

“First of all it’s not yours, second of all, you are using it to contact pedofiles,” Bruce said. “I’m taking this and showing it to my sister,” 

“Whoa whoa whoa, let’s calm this down… you know this is… I don’t know how this is going to… I don’t think you fully thought through the consequences of…” Loki stammered. “What I am trying to communicate is uh…”

“Give it,” Bruce said, exhausted. 

“Yeah okay,” Loki said, handing over the phone. Bruce was thankful he didn’t know the password, and was pointedly ignoring Fridays offers to unlock it for him. He wasn’t giving up any excuse to not look into that thing. He had a very distinct feeling about what he would find, and he wasn’t particularly interested in seeing  _ that. _

“Thank you,” He said, pocketing the phone. 

“Whatever, i’m going out,” Loki said. “I would have said I’d call you but…” 

“Yeah, I get it, you’re pissed, just don’t die,” Bruce said, gesturing to the door. Loki narrowed his eyes, leaving anyway. 

\---

“I sent you  _ in _ to gather DNA samples,” Fury said. “Two of the suspects are  _ dead. _ This is elementary work, you two are better then this,”

“Missions have there risks,” Natasha said. “At the end of the day you will get your answers, and we completed the mission,” She said. 

“Do I look like I  _ care?” _ Fury said. “That was the messyist work I have seen from you two yet. Agent Barton you fell asleep twice. What, was the mission  _ boring  _ you?” Fury asked. 

“Well I imagen you would care, given we are putting our lives on the line in order to get you a vile of blood,” Natasha said. 

“And to be clear I was asleep because you decided to have us work for four days straight without giving us time to sleep,” Clint said. “And I had my eyes open, it’s not like anything got out of control,” He said. 

“Two of my main suspects are  _ dead,” _ Fury said. 

“Oh so we’ve been told,” Natasha said. “In fact that seems like a point that you have been trying to make incredibly clear,” She said. 

“Why are you two so snippy?” Fury asked. “Need I remind you that without me you would still be a murderer, and Clint you would be doing backflips off a trapeze,” Fury said. 

“You didn’t save my life, Clint did, you sent him to kill me,” Natasha said. 

“And I was killing before I met you, clowns just don’t keep paper records.” Clint added, making both of them glare at him. “What?” 

“Clowns don’t have a place in this room,” Natasha said. “Or any room. They shouldn’t exist. It’s unnatural,” 

“All of that is beside the  _ point,” _ Fury said. “Why are you two acting like new recruits? You are the best spies I have ever meet, why can you no longer do simple missions?” 

“Did you sleep with Loki?” Clint asked, making Natasha sigh. 

“Oh here we go,” 

\---

“Hey Bruce, my mom just called,” MJ said, sitting down. “She said that they will be back in a few days, but it’s not today because they might be killing Fury for sleeping with my brother,”

“Whoa back  _ waaaaay _ up,” Bruce said, shaking his head. “Fury and Loki… They’re going to… they  _ know _ and-”

“Don’t dwell on it,” She said. “Anyway, Peter befriended a African princess of Wakanda and I wanna show her how to stat a riot. Well start one in america,” 

“Nope! Nope nope nope,” Bruce said. “That’s a awful idea,” 

“Well fine, can we hang out here then?” She asked grinning. 

“I know that this is a trap,” Bruce said. “I’ll regret saying yes,” 

“Please?” She asked. “You won’t even know we’re here… mostly,” She said. “And I’ll tell Wanda to stop making tik toks of you sleeping,”

“I don’t even have anything to say to that. Just don’t make a mess or die or kill anyone,” Bruce said, waving his hands up. “Please don’t get me in trouble,” 

“Yes!” She said, pumping her fist. “We’re gonna start a  _ zoom _ riot,” MJ said. 

“Just… be a good person,” Bruce said. “And eat something so Natasha dosn’t kill me!” 

“No!” 

\---

“Hey Steve, why don’t you take Puddles with you on your run this morning?” Bucky said, gesturing to Puddles, who had grown much  _ much _ bigger than either of them had been suspected.

“Yeah okay,” Steve said. He was shaking his protein drink- maybe a little more aggressively then necessary, as per usual- while Bucky sat on the counter, petting Puddles head. Puddles, according to Friday at least, was mostly full grown. 

“Puddles wanna walk?” Bucky asked. Puddles looked up, tilting his head. “Walk? Wanna go on a walk?”

“Here, let’s go Puddles,” Steve said, jingling his leash, which definitely got Puddles exited. “Come on,” 

The problem became clear as soon as they got in the elevator. Or technically what they where trying to do was get out of the elevator, which Puddles did not seem fond of. Puddles had already dug his paws into the crevice between the elevator and the wall. Eventually, after Steve had picked him up and carried the dog down the hall, they ran into the second problem. Puddles couldn’t exactly ride a motorcycle. 

“Okay, well we can just run around the street,” Steve said. 

Very quickly Steve found many problems with running on the sidewalk. First of all  _ nobody _ would move if they might be in your way, leaving to Steve trying to weave between everyone. Which would have been fine on his own, but Puddles, who was both easily distracted, lazy, and very interested in a old womans purse, he ended up getting a lot of stares while trying to tug him out. 

“I’m going to end up carrying you back, huh?” Steve said, while Puddles tried to dug out the sidewalk. “Yeah, okay,” 

\---

“Pepper you can not make me do this,” Tony said, muting his zoom call. “Pepper! Hello!” 

“I’m sorry you don’t get a say,” She said. “You don’t have to follow up on anything, but you need to meet with them, at least for appearances,” She said. 

“I’m not endorsing  _ any _ of the presidential candidate, let alone Kayan West,” Tony said. “Do you really think that I will be able to control myself talking about his candidacy?” 

“Listen, Trump and Kayan where fighting over this, I thought that at least most people might treat this like a joke,” She said. “Listen, all you need to do is to have a conversation, eat dinner at there house, me and Peter are going to come with you, you can just deflect to talking about one of us, and then say that you don’t condone either of there canidicies,” 

“But it’s gonna be annoying, and I don’t want to,” Tony said, hugging her from behind while whining. 

“Oh and how is this different from the rest of what I make you do in the company,” Pepper asked. 

“Its different because I don’t want to,” Tony said. “Are we really dragging Peter into this to?” 

“Yes, because you don’t have to talk as much and everyone loves Peter,” She said. “Come on, it’s gonna be great,” 

“Hmmph,” Tony said. "I'm still not doing it," 

"We'll see,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Also, what would, hypothetically... be a reason that Thor would NEED to go to Asgard? I have a few ideas, but I would love to hear what you have to say!!!! LOVE all of you!!!


	93. No, Nat was not cute, take it back.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This took a lot of effort for something so crappy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omfg I love all of you read the chapter!

“-Which is why we are going to go meet Kanye West and Kim Kardasion for dinner,” Tony said to Peter, who was looking at his skepticaly. “Uh… tonight. And you are coming to,” 

“So his candidacy isn’t a meme,” Peter said. “I really thought Gen Z made that one up,” 

“Nope!” Pepper said. “So  _ both _ of you two need to go get dressed,” She said. 

“I’m dressed,” They both said in unison, making Pepper raise a eyebrow. 

“Peter you’re in a hoodie, and Tony’s not wearing pants, so yes, both of you are getting dressed. Now,” She said. 

“I still don’t see the problem-  _ ow _ okay okay I’m going,” Tony said. 

“I still don’t see why I have to go!” Peter said. “What am I even going to talk about? All I am going to do is quote tik toks and make you guys look bad,” He said. “And the  _ entire _ house is going to smell like bleach, and it’s going to be to white and-” 

“Just please get dressed,” pepper said. “We’re only going to need you so we can deflect the conversation to other topics, you won’t need to talk about anything other then yourself,” 

“I hate talking about myself!” Peter said. “I don’t know anything about myself! What am I going to do?” 

“I’ll tell you what you’re gonna do, you’re gonna put on this button up and you’re going to put on some slacks instead of ripped jeans so you are ready to leave in half a hour and you are going to make it work, okay bud,” She said, patting his cheek. 

“Fiiiine,” Peter said while they left. He rolled out of the bed, tangling his legs up in the sheets, slamming his head on the desk on accident. “Shit,” 

He stumbled into the bathroom, rubbing the bump on the back of his head. He sighed while turning on the sink and brushing his teeth while dialing Shuri, who picked up immediately. She was holding her phone while watching  _ something _ on the TV in wakanden that made her laugh. 

“Peter i- why are you brushing your teeth?” Shuri asked, tilting her head. “You do that once a month at most,” 

Peter glared at her while he rinsed his mouth. “I brush my teeth more then that,” He said. “Something interesting happened,” 

“Okay, but while you tell me about it point the camera at Tessa, she has a much better face then you,” Shuri said. 

“You know you can be really mean to me sometimes,” Peter said. “And she’s playing upstairs with Puddles cuz we’re gonna be gone,” 

“Some call it mean, others call in honesty,” Shuri said. “What’s up?” 

“I have to go to this stupid dinner with mom and dad, which totally ruins my plans of patrolling for the entire night, and I don’t know how to do my hair so it dosn’t look stupid and the photo’s are going to be in the news and I really,  _ really _ don’t wanna look stupid,” 

“I don’t know how to do white people hair,” Shuri said. “Why will there be pictures, who will you speak with?” 

“The Kardashian-west Family,” Peter said. Shuris jaw dropped. She immediately turned off her show and propped her phone up so he could see half her body where she clapped her hands together. 

“You are meeting the Kardashions?” She asked. “When? Why? Why  _ you?” _

“Gee, thanks,” Peter said. “I’m meeting them in about half a hour and-” 

_ “Half a hour?” _ Shuri asked. “Boy you look like melted white trash!” 

“I know I know! I just don’t know how to fix it!” He complaned. “And I’m totally going to act like a idiot, and I just  _ know _ that there house is going to smell like bleach. Bleach or perfume stuff and it’s going to make me sick forever and I don’t want to deal with it and everything is awful,” Peter said.

“Well you can’t help being yourself, but at least you can look less like… that,” Shuri said. “Why don’t you go get dressed and show me how bad this will be,” 

“Okay,” Peter said, slouching into his bedroom where he awkwardly tried to pull on his button up before realising that he had neglected to actually get undressed first. 

Once he finally had the shirt, pants, jacket and even  _ tie _ on (that one took a awful long time and Shuri had to help him a bit) he still felt like throwing up, but slightly less so. 

“There see? You look not awful,” Shuri said. “I guess you are kinda cute in a ‘sir I lost my puppy can you help me find her’ kinda pathetic way. If you’re into that,” She admitted. “But I guess MJ is. That still confuses me, she’s so  _ pretty _ I don’t know why she’d-” 

“Okay Shuri I gotta go!” Peter said. 

“Wait I want to see the other tie-” 

“YOU’RE BREAKING UP GOODBYE!” He yelled, turning off his phone to his friends cackling. He sent a quick update text to Ned before turning to Tessa with a sigh. “What do you think? Good enough?” 

She tilted her head, whining at him. “You’re right, the red tie’s stupid,” 

\---

“I still think we should have killed him,” Clint muttered, pouting out the passenger side window. 

“Aw come on, you at least got to knock a few teeth out,” Natasha said. “Kill one big boss another worse one takes its place. At least this way we know what we are working with,” 

“Still,” Clint said, holding her hand while she steered. 

“So you really fell asleep on the job huh?” she asked, smirking at him. 

“Well not all of us are exactly related to Tony, now are we?” Clint asked. “It’d been like three days without sleep. And then I feel asleep again in the meeting- Tasha?” Clint said. 

“What?” She asked. 

“When was the last time you slept?” He asked, sitting up straight, making her roll her eyes. 

“Oh please,” She said. “Clint I just wanna drive and get back home, I can sleep there, no need to worry,” She said, looking over to patt his head. While she did so the car swerved  _ slightly _ into the other lane.

“Tasha!” Clint yelled, startling her. 

_ “БЛЯДЬ!” _ She cursed, over correcting and sending the car off road for a minute before she actually righted herself. “Shit, sorry,” 

“Pull over,” Clint said. 

“I’m fine, you’re just freaked. Look, there wasn’t even anyone else on the road!” She said, gesturing to the empty back lane. 

“Tasha pull over,” He said again. “You’re to tired and you need a break. It’s not fair to push yourself harder then you need to,” 

“I told you, I’m fine,” She said. “Just got a little distracted is all,” 

“Nat pull over,” Clint said, grabbing her hand off the wheel. She sighed, turning the hazards on and pulling over. 

“I guess it’s your turn,” She said, killing the engine and stepping out, surprised to see the world tilting slightly as she did so. Maybe she was a little more tired then she first though. 

Clint jumped out, putting a arm around her and pulling her into a hug, resting his chin on her head. “Thank you,” 

“Whatever,” She said, wrapping her arms around him. She went to move away, annoyed to see Clint following her. “Oh for crying out- I can walk to my  _ door _ Clint!” She said. Clint opened the door for her anyway, letting her in and closing it gently before climbing in the drivers side. 

After several minutes of adjusting the seat to be tall enough for him, Clint started driving again. “You know you can use my jacket as a blanket, it’s right back there,” He said, nodding to the back seat. 

“I don’t need a blanket,” She muttered, huffily using his jacket as a blanket. “I’m not going to sleep. The only reason I’m touching this thing is because you keep the AC way to high,” She said, tucking her whole body into the jacket so she was leaning against the console with just her chin poking over. 

“Sure babe,” Clint said, taking her hand with his when he turned onto the road. “But close your eyes,” 

“Yeah yeah whatever,” She said. And no, she did  _ not _ snuggle closer to his jacket while she dozed off, which she also didn’t do, she just found it rather comfortable. She slept so soundly she didn’t even wake up the two times the cops pulled Clint over for speeding. Both times he managed to get out of being ticketed for by simply shushing them and pointing to her. She’s still mad about that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So all my writing on this chapter got deleated at 1000 words and I had to re-write it fast so you guys could have a chapter! So sorry it's so late!


	94. duck breasts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How can you NOT click with that chapter name?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *DISCLAIMER* I don't follow the Kardashions and all I know about Kayne's campaign is what I saw of Twitter, I couldn't find out much with google. Because they are real people (not like they will see this but still) I don't want to exaggerate/make fun of them in any way. This is all based off of the facts I could find/interviews I watched. Also, I try to not make this fic SUPER political, but like... you guys get it right? Anyways, bless you if you read all of this, I love you, please enjoy!!!

“Hello, welcome,” Kim said, swinging open the door. Peter had been scared the entire time, but now he felt dow right terrified. First of all he’d been right in both senses, because the house smelled like cleaners and fake floral sents. He could tell they were ‘expensive’ or something, but all he could literally feel it hit him like a wall when he walked inside. 

“Your home it gorgeous how did you design it?” Pepper asked, looking around at the sharp corners and pristine walls. 

“Oh it was inspired by… monasteries. Like really pristine monasteries,” Kim said. 

“Wow,” Tony said, looking around. “I’ve literally never been inside a house like this,” Tony said with a grin. “And I’ve been a lot of very nice places,” 

“It’s true, he has,” Pepper said. “Oh it was so kind of you to invite us to talk in your house, I don’t think I have ever been in an endorsement meeting like this,” She said, looking around. 

“It’s so important to us that what we say isn’t televised,” Kim said. “Let me go get Kanye, why don’t you go sit,” She said, giving them no instruction of where to walk. 

Tony did not seem to have the same reservations that Peter did on just walking in wherever in the house, and strolled confidently in. They did somehow end up finding the dinning room before Kim and Kanye came back.

“Hello sir,” Kanye said, shaking Tony and Peters hand, making Pepper raise a eyebrow and Peter very uncomfortable. “I want to talk to you about my political campaign,” 

“Well that’s good because I didn’t just show up for the dinner,” Tony said, making Kanye and Kim laugh. “So what are your positions?”

“Yes babe, why don’t you tell them,” Kim said, taking a seat next to Peter, making him panic more then he already was. How did you move your hands again?

“It’s a bit of a touchy subject,” Kanye said. “But one of my first moves as president will to be illuminating the choice of abortion…” 

“Oh… joy…” 

\---

“So now we have the duck breast with the apricot sauce and walnuts,” Kim said as the ‘domestic house helpers’ served the dish to them, before retreating out. “Have we mentioned how happy we are that you made it out here tonight?” 

“Oh it was no problem,” Pepper said. 

“Besides, I’d seen to many articles about this place to not show up and see the famous Kardashian-West house,” Tony said. 

“Yeah,” Kim said. “You know, that little tower you built in New York really inspired me,” She said. “I just felt so connected with your design,” 

“Well any credit for the astedic needs to go to Pep,” Tony said. “She’s saved my back more times then I can count,” 

“Well,” Pepper said, laughing. “It’s still his style, he just didn’t know how to put it together,” 

“Everyone knows that the men need some help sometimes,” Kim said, laughing. “Imagen a world where you didn’t have to help them out of bed,” 

They all gave semi forced courtesy laughs, Tony’s and Peppers much more convincing when Kayne opened his mouth. “Well imagine a world where your spouse credited you for your ideas,” 

Everyone got quiet, Tony and Pepper making eye contact with each other. “Babe,” Kim said. “Not now, you’re going to loss the endorsement,” 

“I’m just play’n I’m just play’n,” Kanye said, raising his hands.

“Hehe,” Peter said, the entire table silent. The other couple made eye contact for to long before Kim turned to him. 

“So Peter, you’re in a STEM school?” She asked. “You know I think that’s just so important,” 

“Uh… yeah!” Peter said. “I do, it’s really cool. I get kinda bored sometimes though,” 

“Well that can happen when you are with toxic teachers,” She said, making Peter blink, looking between his parents, who where both giving her baffled smiles. 

“I mean- my teachers are really nice I just- you know sometimes I read ahead and then- like if I already… know… it…” He said, fidgeting with the napkin in his lap. 

“I know you try to defend them huh?” She said. “Kids!” 

“Uh huh,” 

\---

“Is everyone still alive?” Natasha asked, swinging around the doorframe of Bruce’s apartment. MJ and Loki, who where watching the office on the TV both snapped there heads around. 

“Mom!” MJ said, jumping up. “Hi!” 

“Your back!” Loki said, grinning. “Please never leave us with Bruce again,” 

“Oh my gosh please,” MJ said. “It was… wow,” 

“Speak of the devil,” She said with a grin, seeing a bewildered Bruce walking out of the kitchen area. “I see you kept them alive,” 

“Barley,” Bruce said. “Please don’t ever leave again,” 

“Well I should get them upstairs,” She said. “Thanks for keeping them here,” 

“Uh huh,” Bruce said. “Just don’t do it again,” He said “Neither of them like food very much, it makes it a lot harder to keep them still,” 

“Interesting,” Natasha said, looking at her -slightly embarrassed- children. “Come on, let’s head back up, Clints going to fall asleep standing. I didn’t let him come get you two because we… might have forgotten to board Lucky,” Natasha said. 

“Yikes,” MJ said. “So are you home for awhile or…” 

“We should be, Fury’s still recovering,” She said pointedly, making Loki blush. “Oh I didn’t know I could make it do that, MJ look,” 

MJ gasped, poking Loki’s cheek. “I’m totally getting this footage from Friday,” 

_ “Okay whatever lets go to bed now!” _ Loki said, sprinting upstairs, leaving both of them laughing. 

\---

“Well thank you for the dinner, we will definitely think over your proposal,” Tony said, standing up. “You sure have given us a lot to think about,”

“Are you sure you have to go? I haven’t even had them start the Matchamisu tiramisu for dessert,” She said. “It’s the  _ best _ , practically all my kids will eat,”

“You know Peter has patrol, we need to get him back so he’s in bed by a reasonable time,” Pepper said, ruffling Peters hair, making his squirm. 

“Well be sure to think  _ hard _ about your decision,” Kayne said, shaking Tony’s hand a little too long, keeping eye contact. 

“I think I could have made my decision during that handshake,” Tony said, laughing while pointedly cleaning his hand. “Have a good night you two,” 

“Stay safe out there,” Kayne said, waving while Kim muttered something under her breath to him. Tony walked quickly, one hand on Peters back and the other holding Peppers hand. 

Peter had been reluctant to  _ fly _ there (he had a rocky relationship with airplanes) but now he was rather happy that it would only be three hours back to NYC. It should be more but Tony apparently didn’t fear death, and it was obvious in his plane design. It still made him nervous, and he was careful to only hold onto his own hand, not wanting to break anything. 

“Holy shit,” Tony said, rubbing his head. “Pep why don’t you just run for office?” 

“Because I don’t believe that people who run companies count as having political experience,” She said. “It’s ridiculous that they even want a endorsement from you, you aren't any kind of political figure,”

“I think we still need to address the most confusing part of the evening,” Tony said. “Peter that’s the first time I have ever seen you pick at your food,” 

“I’m sorry!” Peter said. “It reminded me of cat food! And I didn’t know what to do when she started talking to me! I got scared and I donno!” He said. 

“That wasn’t your fault hun,” Pepper said. “He’s probably starving Tony, you wanna pick something up on the way home?” 

“I’ll have something delivered, it’ll be ther when we get back,” He said. “In the meantime, here Peter, I bought these for you,” Tony said, tossing him a bar. “They might not taste great, but they are made for children starving in undeveloped countries. They have like 2000 calories,” 

“Like in mean girls!” Peter said, making both of them blink at him. 

“Sure… just eat it,” Tony said. “I don’t want you passing out on us,”

“Sorry!” Peter said, hastily taking a bite. “This still tastes better than duck,” 

“I actually kinda liked it,” Pepper said. “It was unice,” 

“Pepper, they put apricot on it!” Tony said. 

“Mom it was  _ duck _ ,” Peter said. “Ducks are some of my best friends. And geese!” 

“And you wonder why I thought you needed extra friends,” Pepper said. “Can we talk about how she thought that our houses had the same aesthetic?” 

“Can we talk about what Kanye said?” Peter asked. 

“Which time!” Tony asked. “Every time one of them opened their mouth I wanted to just get up and leave. He was literally threateningly me by the end,” 

“Oh my gosh,” Pepper said, putting her head in her hands. 

“So… are we endorsing them or not?” Tony asked. Pepper through her shoe at him. “Okay point taken,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I where hypothetically 2000 words into a oneshot with ant-man, Peter and deadpool saving the world, would you guys wanna read it? 
> 
> Also because I JUST upped my baby sitting hours and my mom makes me 'go outside' or whatever, I only really have time to write at night, so sorry if I am a little slower then normal. I go on vacation on the 15th for a week so I will have more time to write then! 
> 
> Okay love all of you, you all are to sweet! Thank you for reading!


	95. 丨几ㄒ乇尺Ꮆ卂ㄥ卂匚ㄒ丨匚 ㄒ尺卂ᐯ乇ㄥ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things move quickly in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you love it!!!

“They served you  _ what?” _ MJ asked. Apparently the teens where rather curious as to what all had gone down at the Kardasians house, so the four of them had gathered in Loki’s room (he kept his the cleanest) so Peter could debrief all of them. 

“On asgard they had us eat raw intestines and I would still rather eat that then  _ asparagus duck _ ,” Loki said, wrinkling his nose. 

“And we got out before they could make us eat the green tea dessert,” Peter said, faking a shiver. 

“In wakanda they would never let something like that happen,” Shuri said. “They do not give the stupid money,” 

“He’s clearly not stupid if he’s gotten so far in a campane, you need to be actually intelligent to hold a political position,” Loki said, making both Peter and MJ burst out laughing. “What? Why are you laughing?” 

“You’re so cute sometimes,” MJ said, patting Loki. 

“What? What is it?” Loki asked, frustrated. “I can’t understand these things if you don’t explain them to me, I’m not exactly from around here,” 

“What do you mean you don’t ‘let’ them have the money? Do you control that through tax’s or what?” MJ asked. 

“Well first we-” Before Shuri could finish a large blast of… something knocked them off Loki’s bed. Or most of them, Peter jumped onto the ceiling to avoid the blast, shooting webs at whatever knocked them down before he could see it. 

“I am here to escort Loki Odinson back to Asgard,” A man with dark skin and golden eyes said, seemingly unbothered by the webs Peter had shot at him. 

“What are you?” Peter asked, lowering himself on a web directly in front of his face. At this point Shuri had already grabbed out her taser and MJ had a gun from… well Peter really didn’t know where she got it, but she looked steady with it. Loki grabbed a knife from his table, twirling it unbothered. 

“I don’t think I can go, I happen to have a curfew,” loki said. “Here just… walk past him, he’s blind,” 

“I am allseeing!” The man said, slamming his stick into the ground. 

“Yeah, kinda,” Loki said. “Let’s just… go find our parents MJ,” Loki said, gesturing. MJ, Shuri, and Peter managed to get past him, but as soon as Loki got close he clamped his hand on Loki’s wrist. 

“I am here to escort Loki Odinson back to Asgard,” He said again, holding on tightly. A little too tightly in Loki’s opinion, as he couldn’t even get close to being able to pull away. 

“Mom! Dad!” MJ yelled, sticking her head out the door. “Someone’s trying to kidnap Loki!” 

“What?” Clint asked, standing up. Natasha followed him, both walking into Loki’s room. “Okay what the hell,” Clint said. 

“Uh, he won’t tell us why he;s here, just that he wants Loki back on Asgard,” MJ said. 

“Why?” Clint said, angling himself so he was between the man and Loki, although they couldn’t get him to let go of Loki. 

“Odin Allfather is ailing. They are requiring all descendants of Odin and or Frigga to meet in Asgard to discuss the future of the planet,” the man said. “It is non-negotiable,” 

“Oh I think it’s pretty negotiable,” Natasha said. “Everyone out,” 

They all made noises of protest while Clint ushered them out. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I happen to be a bit stuck here,” Loki said, gesturing to his wrist. Clint slammed the door after the other teens.

“Will you  _ please _ let go of my wrist?” Loki asked, tugging hard on his hand.  _ “Ow, _ what  _ are _ you using? Magic?” Loki asked. 

“Loki don’t pull,” Natasha said, putting a hand on his arm. “Heimdall, let go of my child,”

“How did you know his name?” Loki asked. “I grew up around him and I didn’t even know his name,”

“Loki Odinson is the child of Odin Allfather. Part of that responsibility is to attend this discussion, taking the night after tomorrow. He will be taken now to attend the pre-discussion discernment,” 

Nat and Clint made eye contact. A moment later Clint took a step back, almost bumping into the bed. Natasha moved her hand from Loki’s arm to his shoulder. 

“Okay,” Natasha said, stepping back. “Loki I’ll see you soon, okay? And please eat actual protein and vegetables not just sugar,” 

“Wait-” Loki said, turning to look back at her. 

“Keep your phone on okay?” Clint said, unplugging it. “And if you’re late we’re coming up and getting you, okay? If it takes any longer just come check in with us, okay?”

“Do I really have to-” Loki started. Before he could say anything Heimdall blasted them both into space. “I don’t wanna do this,” 

\---

“Bruce we get to go to Asgard!” Thor said, grinning. “It’s gonna be great! My dad’s dying so he’s going to be much calmer than normal. And you have yet to see Asgard!” 

“What- your dads dying?” Thor asked. “Like dying dying?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Thor said. “Here, I packed a bag for you, we kinda have to leave now, there is a very large and angry glowy guy in the living room demanding an audience. I wouldn’t test him,” He said, aggressively patting Bruce’s back and handing him the bag. 

“Wait what are we-” Bruce said, very confused. “Is that safe for humans to… let’s just thing about this-” 

“Bruce,” Thor said. “Angry glowy guy, yelling in the living room. Right now,” Thor said, gently pushing Bruce into the living room. 

“Thor I don’t know that this is a good idea-” Bruce said. “There are a lot of factors-” 

“Here we go!” Thor said, pushing Bruce to what looked like a portal in the middle of the living room. “Oh you might want to hold on to something,” 

“What would I hold on to?” Bruce yelled over the portal. “It’s a fucking portal!”

“Hold onto me!” Thor said, grabbing Bruce’s shoulder.

“I don’t think that’s the safest way to-  _ Ahh!” _ Bruce said, holding onto Thor as they rocketed upwards. 

The trip only took about a minute, which is pretty fast for intergalactic travel, but Bruce was pretty sure he saw his life flash before his eyes at least twice. And that was being concervitive. Upon actually reaching Asgard, Thor seemed completely unfazed by the trip, landing on his feet and looking around. 

“It appears we have been dumped in a field,” Thor said, stating the obvious. “Bruce?” 

“Yep, yep,” Bruce said, standing up and seeing the planet tilt around him, making him stumble. Thor looked at him concerned, holding onto his arm to keep him steady. 

“I apologize, I continually seem to forget that you are not used to traveling the ways I am,” Thor said. “Are you alright?” 

“Yeah yeah, the worlds just… spinning,” Bruce said, shaking his head. Which shockingly only made everything blurrier. He wasn’t even going to ask how his glasses stayed on, he figured he didn’t want to know. In fact it seemed the less he knew about Asgardian magic the happier he was. 

“Here, let’s find the palace, it’s going to be better there,” Thor said, patting his back and almost making Bruce lose balance for the second time. “Just uh, try not to touch anything on the ground. Or in the air,”

“Why?” Bruce asked, looking around. “Why is that Thor? What’s in the grass?” 

“And air,” Thor said. “Just walk quickly and don’t make eye contact,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kid I nanny for: "You know, you're really fun, but you aren't as skinny or pretty as my old nanny,"   
> Me: "Thanks..."   
> Kid: "It wasn't a complement," 
> 
> I-   
> I know what I am crying over for the next eight years...


	96. Chapter 96

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!

“Thor this is not safe,” Bruce said. “I mean- first of all I’m human, there are all kinds of things here that could kill me, forin bacteria… Do you think they took Loki to? Is he safe alone here? Is  _ he _ going to do something?” Bruce asked. “I need a notebook,” 

“Loki has some extra empty ones in his old room,” Thor said. “Watch your step, that's acid. And not the fun kind that Tony was talking about,” 

“That was what you chose to respond to? Really?” Bruce asked, barely avoiding the smoking puddle. “What kind of biology do you have here?” He received a very confused glance from Thor. “Plants, animals, people, anything alive really,” Bruce said. 

“But plants are not alive,” Thor said. “They are things, like rocks and sunlight,” 

“Well that’s actually really interesting, so they have this process called photosynthesis and- what the  _ hell is that?” _ Bruce jumped back from what looked like a (or was) a ten foot tall xenomorph/squid/creature that had crawled out of the acid puddles. 

“Sophie, go back to the plumbing, acid’s bad for you,” Thor said. The… thing… sulked back, slithering across the field. “That was Sophie, we wanted a pet that our father couldn’t kill to make a point,” Thor said. “You see I had two goats named  Tanngrisnir and Tanngnjóstr, which pulled a little play chariot, and my father decided that they were too attached to us, so he slaughtered them in front of me and fed them to the family. After that he hung their skulls above the table. They are still there!” 

“I… am completely lost for words,” Bruce said. 

“Don’t worry about it, let’s get going, we really  _ really _ shouldn’t both be out after dark,” Thor said. “Asgardions tend to not like humans, and they act under the shield of night,” 

“Great… that’s great…” Bruce said. “You know I could always go back… I mean I don’t know how but… this is like family stuff and-” 

“I far prefer you over the rest of my family,” Thor said. “And you act as a reminder that if I am to kill any family member in cold blood then I will be beheaded,” Thor said. “That was a Loki rule,”

“Great! Great… this is fine,”Bruce said. “Everything is fine,”

“Was that ever in question?” Thor asked. “You haven’t even met anyone from here yet, I don’t know how well any of that is going to go over, matter of fact,” He muttered. 

“Okay let’s just get out of the acid field,” Bruce said. “I don’t want to lose a limb,”

“Would you like me to carry you?” Thor asked. 

“No. No Thor is Loki saw that I would never live it down,” Bruce said. “No,” 

“I’m going to do it anyway,” 

\---

“Hey dad Loki just got kidnapped, ask Mr. Clint if you wanna know what happened I need to go on patrol!” Peter said. Tony stood up, grabbing him before he could get out the door, backpack in hand. 

“Hold it kiddo,” Tony said. “What’s with the rush?” 

“I just realised something that I forgot about a really long time ago and I need to move  _ right now _ to make sure that these two cats are okay because I just remembered them and I need to make sure no one put them down!” Peter said. 

“Wait- back up, what happened?” Tony said. “And Loki got kidnapped?” 

“There’s no time!” Peter said. “Loki! Uh… asgard stuff, and like… Odin's dying, and he had to go to asgard! And I was talking to MJ about it, and Clint and Nat think that he’s okay but then MJ said he looked like a startled cat, and I said that he did, and that my old background on my phone looked like that, and then I realised that it wasn’t a random cat and I forgot why I never changed it, but it was Gwens cat’s who I catsat all the time and I don’t trust her parents and I need to go make sure the cats arn’t going to be put down so goodbye dad I  _ really _ need to go!” Peter said in one breath, sprinting out the door.

“I- okay? Goodbye?” Tony said. “Friday get me the footage please,” 

“On it sir,” Friday said. 

“Keep a close eye on that kids vitals too, got it? I don’t want them dipping or raising even for a second without finding out about it,” Tony said. “And if he’s over 45 MPH slow him down with Karen got it?” 

“Yes sir,” She said. “Is there context I’m missing?” 

“He doesn't seem to have the best judgment when animals are involved,” Tony said. “And have a suit ready… I need to go make sure Clint and Natasha aren't going to wage war single handedly on Asgard,”

“I would personally recommend moving faster if you with to prevent that sir,” Friday said. “I know that sudden movements are hard for you but…” 

“Okay I get it!” Tony said. 

\---

“Okay, so technical I never explained to my family anything about you,” Thor said. “So I am going to go do that. Here’s a notebook for your notes,” he said, handing Bruce a pretty leather bound notebook.

“Okay… uh where should I… where should I be so I… I don’t want to be in anyone's way,” Bruce said. 

“You can just stay in my room with me!” Thor said. “I have more literature books in my room. Loki has more spells and poetry. I apologize that we don’t have scientific books you enjoy,” Thor said. “But I am sure that this is preferable to being murdered as soon as asgardians smell human blood,” 

“...yep!” Bruce said. “Definitely. So I’m just gonna stay here, and not leave until you come back,” 

“Yes, that will be safest,” Thor said, nodding. 

“Great…” Bruce said. “Can I look out the windows and stuff, or no?” 

“Just don’t touch the walls, Loki made some of them alive,” Thor said. “Well you can, but it’s pretty gross,” 

\---

“Hey hey hey hey, come here kitties,” Peter said. “Shh, look you remember me, see? Remember I babysat you! Catsat you!” He said. “Look, someone’s been feeding you a little at least, huh?” He said while the black cat rubbed against his leg. He was a Bombay purebred that they had gotten with the idea of breeding, before they neutered him after realising how much money that would cost. 

“Hey kitty, where’s your brother?” Peter asked. “Here, you hungry? Want some kibble?”

He shook the old container, making both cats come running. Her second cat was a fluffy mix cat found in a dumpster outside that she had thrown a fit about when she was six and had somehow managed to keep.

“Hey sweeties,” Peter said. Both cats seemed thrilled to see him, rubbing and jumping all over him and biting his ear. “Hey you two are to skinny, what have you been eating?” He asked, looking around the house. He knew that Gwen's parents were not home, they almost never were, and no one else seemed to be there to take care of them. 

“I think I’m gonna take you with me, okay?” Peter said. “They aren't taking care of you here are they?” He asked, watching them freak out while he poured out a libral amount of kibble. 

“Here, I bet you miss Gwen huh?” Peter asked, scratching the black cats head. “You probably don’t even know what happened do you? It’s only been a few weeks hasn’t it?” He said. “I’m sorry I didn’t catch her in time,” He said, sinking down to sit cross legged.

“You wanna go meet some new people?” He asked, grinning. “I know you two hate dogs, but Wanda doesn't have any pets,” Peter said. “And I want to annoy Mr. Bruce,” 

\---

“Hi dad! So this is Nox, he’s a several thousand dollar breeding car that I am giving to Wanda,” Peter said. 

“Okay…” Tony said. 

“And this is the cat I’m giving Mr. Bruce! His name is Toast, they found him behind the dumpster, and I don’t think that there is anything inside his head aside elevator music,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meet Nox and Toast! Nox is fancy and he knows it, and there is NOTHING in Toasts head.
> 
> also a coversation I had today.   
>  tiny kid I baby sit for: "I would like you if you didn't look or talk like you," 
> 
> ...me to buddy...


	97. Chapter 97

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW!!!!  
> Talks about Gwen and her sewer slide and stuff...
> 
> if you don't wanna read that just stop at the dinner...

“Tessa, I know cat’s scare you, and Toast, I know that you are… well actually I don’t think you have thoughts, but just please get along because I need to keep Toast here until Mr. Bruce gets back,” Peter said, setting Toast down. “So please play nice,”

Toast was okay with it, rolling on his back and batting at the air. Tessa was more concerned, cowering behind Peter and shaking. “Dad I don’t think Tessa likes him very much,” Peter said, looking at Toast, who was trying to knead the carpet without his claws out. 

“Did they declaw him?” Tony asked, rolling the cat over. 

“No, he’s just like that,” Peter said. “I have scars from him. Or I did before you know… spider,” Peter said. “It wasn’t his fault, Gwen thought it would be a good idea to give him a milk bath, and she made me throw him in,” Peter said. “Nox said no,” 

“What do you mean Nox said ‘no’?” Tony asked.

“We walked near him and he hid on the top of the fridge. Toast didn’t know what was going on until he was halfway into the bath,” Peter said, shrugging. “Speaking of, I hope Nox is doing okay with Wanda and Vision,” Peter said. “I don’t know if they’ve ever owned a cat before,”

“I can guarantee that Vision has not,” Tony said, sitting down and stroking Toasts head. “Bruce is gonna hate me for this,” 

“I’m the one giving him a cat,” Peter said. At first they had thought it would be better to not split them up, but he realised after some consideration that the two cats consistently tried to kill each other and seemed much happier by themselves. Plus they still lived together in the tower, so they were not completely separated. 

“And yet,” Tony said. “I still know I am the one that’s gonna get blamed,”

“But look at how cute he is,” Peter said, picking up Toast, who stretched out like a slinky so he looked almost longer then Tessa. “Oh I forgot he did that,” 

“I wanna put that cat in a CT machine,” Tony said. “Just to see how many extra vertebrae it has,” 

\---

“I might have gone a little bit overboard,” Bruce said, gesturing to his notes, which took up well over a hundred pages. “I have a grass sample I took, I taped it on this page see,” He said, gesturing to the species account he’d made, taking up over ten pages just for the grass.

“Wow, that’s highly impressive,” Thor said, turning the pages. “Your handwriting looks like a computer,” Thor said. 

“So your parents and… all that… how’d it go? Is everyone non-murdery… now?” Bruce asked. 

“Well, they are in better moods than they normally are,” Thor said. “What we are going to do is I will explain who you are very very quickly, and then I will explain  _ louder _ that Loki is living with Clint and Natasha and hope that it will get lost in the noise,” Thor said, patting his shoulder. 

“Wait what?” Bruce asked. 

“Come on, let’s go,” Thor said, pushing gently on Bruce's back, steering him into the hallway, only giving Bruce enough time to grab his notebook. “Just don’t do that thing where you talk more when it’s silent, okay?” 

“I don’t do that,” Bruce said, glaring.

“Sure you don’t,” Thor said, patting his head condescending. “Just keep ‘not doing it’ alright?” He said. “Just… there are a lot of non-verbal communication, if you start talking the likelihood of one of them just smitting you is much higher,” He said. 

“Wait wait-” Bruce said. 

“Okay stop talking now!” Thor whispered, before giving him a slight shove into what looked like the dining room. “Hello father,” 

Odin was seated at the head of the table, his hair was not in it’s usual half back style, instead hanging in front of his face in stringy stretched out ringlets. He was sitting rigid, but sunk into himself, his chin tucked against his chest. His eyepatch wasn’t shiny like normal, instead dull and scratched. Him and Frigga had yet to have started eating, but it was hard to not notice the wine glasses sitting empty next to him. 

“Your mom’s a lot younger than your dad,” Bruce said. “Is there-” 

“Bruce?” Thor said, patting his back. “Silences remember?” 

“Right right,” Bruce said, instead taking viguruse notes instead, filling an entire page before they even sat down.

“Who… is that?” Odin asked. “Why is he at… the table…?” He asked, before coughing. 

“He’s from earth, I’m dating him,” Thor said.  _ “Oh hey Loki why don’t you come sit down!” _ Thor called very pointedly. Loki, who had been trying to walk straight past the table froze, narrowing his eyes at Thor before slowly sitting across from them. 

“Wait Thor-” Frigga said. 

“You know Loki got adopted by another family,” Thor said. 

“Thors dating a human,” Loki muttered. 

“You’ve slept with hundreds of humans!” Thor said.

“1027,” Loki said. “If you are going to throw me under the bus at least do so correctly,” 

“What is a bus?” Frigga asked. 

_ “Silence!” _ Odin yelled, making only Bruce jump. It was a fairly common occurrence. “We did not gather you from exile for you to  _ bicker _ . We need to discuss the heir to the throne,” He said. “Meaning we need to discuss with all our children,”

“Okay… that’s why me and Thor are here,” Loki said. “Unless…” 

“Father  _ no _ . You can’t seriously consider that?” Thor said. “You know what it will do to others don’t you? The planet will be overthrown if we even let her out, let alone give her any form of power!” 

“We have no choice Thor,” Odin said.

“What do you mean ‘no choice’?” Loki asked. “I thought you didn’t let people tell you what to do. You  _ are _ the king aren't you?”

“So this is the part of the dinner where my brother  _ dies _ …” Thor whispered. 

“...fun,” Bruce said. “Do you mind if I make this a case study?” 

“Feel free but Odin might kill you,” 

\---

“Hey Friday, where’s MJ now?” Clint asked. He’s been shooting at random rats several hundred stories below but finally got bored and figured he should check in on the child that  _ hadn’t _ been kidnapped. Not that they would have let it happen if they didn’t know how to go get him as soon as they needed to. 

“She is currently in her room. She has requested you to not enter,” Friday said. 

“What is she making out with Peter or something?” Clint asked, polishing his final arrow and sticking it back in the quiver. “Come to think of it, I don’t know if I’ve ever actually seen them kiss,” 

“They have once, but that is not the reason she requested your deterrence,” Friday said. 

“She’s only kissed her boyfriend once?” Clint asked. “Like once once? And can you at least tell me what she’s doing in there?” 

“She has been sobbing on her bathroom floor for the last 87 minutes and 43 seconds,” 

_ “Shit… _ why didn’t you tell me?” Clint asked, dropping the weapon on his bed and sprinting down the hall. 

“She has been adamant that she does not wish to talk to anyone, and has also refused to give me any helpful information. I am programmed to allow the individual to calm down and then report, as long as they are not a danger to themselves or others,” Friday said. “I have unlocked her doors,”

Clint didn’t even bother knocking like he normally did, bursting straight through both doors to find MJ leaning against the sink cabinet with her skinny knees drawn up to her chest. She jumped when he came in, aggressively wiping off her face. 

“Hey dad,” She said, clearing her throat and whipping her face again. “Uh… what’s up…?” 

“What's wrong?” He asked, sinking down to sit cross legged in front of her. She looked away, fixating on fiddling with her hands, digging one fingernail into her palm repeatedly. 

“I dunno,” She said, taking a deep breath to try to keep her breathing under control. “I just… I’m tired,” 

“You’re tired?” Clint asked, grabbing her hands to keep her from harming herself further. “Tired of what?” 

“I dunno,” She said again, shrugging. “I guess I just really miss Gwen,” She said, blinking. “I mean, like… I try not to think about it, but… with her cats here and everything…” MJ took a deep breath, her face crumpling. “I just feel like I should have done more,” 

Clint grabbed her, pulling her close so her head was tucked under his chin. “Oh honey, you did everything just fine okay? You know it’s not your fault, right?” 

“I mean… she joked about it all the time, we all did. I just never knew that she would actually do something like that,” MJ said. “She just seemed so  _ happy _ all the time I-” 

“Shh… it’s okay.” Clint said, rubbing her back. “You did everything just right,”

“I knew her better than anyone. I knew her home sucked, if anyone would have known it would have been me,” She whispered. Clint paused, kissing her head before talking. 

“You know, working in shields there are a lot of suicides,” Clint said. “I had this friend named Tryston, I knew him even before I met Natasha. He was a few years older than me and showed me around Shield,” He said. “We got along really well, pulling pranks on Fury and everyone,” 

“So what happened?” MJ asked. 

“Well, we went on a mission together. It didn’t go well,” Clint said. “It was me, him, and two new recruits. The newbies were both dead by the end,” He said. “And not easy fasts deaths either. I was in a coma for about 19 hours myself before waking up. They went at all sure if I was going to pull through, and yet Tryston came out without a scratch. Dumb luck probably,” 

“Okay…” MJ said. 

“Well it’s a lot harder to be the one who lives then the one who dies, let me tell you,” Clint said. “And Tryston had fiery red hair, shockingly red, everyone thought it was fake,” Clint said. “Four weeks later, it took me almost a full minute to realise his hair wasn’t what made his head red,” Clint said. 

“He…” Mj said. “Wait so-” 

“He shot himself in the head. I was his best friend and I had no clue,” Clint said. “You just can’t know those things Michelle. It’s not something that is easy to see.” 

“She looked at me… and told me what she was going to do… I just thought it was a joke,” MJ said. “I… I  _ laughed _ when she told me, and she did too… and I just… I thought it was a  _ joke _ I-” 

“Shh,” Clint said. “It’s okay baby. Come on, let’s go sit on the sofa, we can watch something, how about that?” 

“Yeah… yeah okay,” MJ said. She might have been planning on walking, but Clint clearly had different ideas, immediately scooping her up like a baby. It wasn’t like she could say anything, she instantly wrapped her arms around his neck and hid her face, just in case. 

“You’re too light, I’m making you a snack too,” Clint said. “Here, lie down and turn something on, I’ll be right there,” 

“Okay,” MJ said. They ended up watching Hell's Kitchen the rest of the night, Natasha joining them without any questions after her shower, just adding to the cuddle pile while Clint ordered in McDonalds. 

“You know… you kinda look like Gordon Ramsey…” MJ said. 

_ “Not this again,” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I broke a bitches glasses today...
> 
> there is a girl with Cerebral Palsy and a boy with sever dwarfism at my Youth Group, and we where playing with water balloons, and they wanted to play so the leaders said it was fine, but to please be considerate.   
> (those two kids are cool, love them)
> 
> well this ASSHOLE decided that meant peg them with water balloons as hard as he could... 
> 
> so I hit him with the force of 5 years of softball practice right in the face and broke his glasses. He had to sit out.   
> *this kid had 'i have the power of God and anime on my side' vine but less endearing*


	98. Stuff i guess?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YEOT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking care of children has left me more tired then litteraly I have ever felt ever. Plz send help.

“Here’s the thing, he acts like him too,” Natasha said. “I mean, at Shield when they give us new recruits I don’t think you could tell them apart,”

“Okay but I at least have more tact-” Clint started. 

“Uh… guys, Loki’s calling me,” MJ said, showing them the phone. 

“From another planet?” Clint asked. 

“Here, answer it,” Natasha said. 

“Hello? Loki?” MJ asked. “You’re on speaker phone.” 

“Hi, please help, they are going to let my sister out of the sex basement,” Loki’s voice said through the phone, sounding slightly higher then normal.

“You have a sister?” Natasha asked. 

“They have a sex basement?” MJ asked. 

“Loki what exactly is happening,” Clint asked. “Is everything safe? Are you safe?” He asked.

“Odin is insane and losing his mind, and we  _ apparently _ have a sister which Thor was supposed to keep a secret, but he didn’t, and I guess she wants to kill everyone or something and… I kinda think the whole planets going to die,”

“Okay… this is fine,” 

\---

“Thor, what’s going on now?” Bruce whispered. “Why is everyone glaring at different walls?”

“Remember the thing I said about silences?” Thor said. “This is that,” 

“Oh… right. Not talking,” Bruce said, reopening the notebook to distract himself. The point of discussion  _ seemed _ to be whether taking Hela out of the basement, which from what Bruce could gather also seemed to serve as a place to keep slaves (or something similar and gross) locked up until they ‘needed them’. 

The amount of money he would pay to see MJ and Steve on asgard. 

It seemed that Loki and Thor held similar views, being that the only person that should be locked in the ‘sex basement’ (Bruce labled it SB in his notes) was their sister. Who apparently they just found out about before they were banished, leading to a fair amount of confusing. 

“It’s not open to debate,” Odin said. “Guards,” He said, waving his hand. Two armor clad men moved to the doors before Thor stopped them. 

“Wait!” Thor yelled, his voice significantly louder than Odins, both due to age and Thor's annoyance. “Father you are not to make that decision without consulting us. We are the ones who will have to deal with the fallout,” 

“Besides, isn’t the point of this whole thing that you are going to soon me mentally incompetent?” Loki asked, rocking his (very heavy) chair. “Why should you be allowed to make these choices?” 

“Loki that is  _ enough _ ,” Frigga said. “You are going to get yourself killed!” 

“Killed…” Bruce repeated, writing furiously. At this point he was starting to remind himself of Tony, not something that he enjoyed. “Sorry,” He whispered when Thor looked at him with concern. “Just taking notes,” 

“Loki do you really think our parents are in the proper frame of mind to test them right now?” Thor asked. 

“I mean you’re doing it,” Loki said. “But Thor gets to do whatever he wants, no disciplinary action will be taken against him, will it?” 

“Because  _ you _ were unfit for battle when you were 13. They did not have to discipline me because if I disobeyed I got a sword through my chest,” Thor said. 

“Thirteen…” 

“This is aside the point,” Thor said, shaking his head. “Guards, you are not to follow any instruction given to you by either of my parents regarding the removal of Hela from the dungeons. Those who disobey and release her anyway will be struck by  _ lightning _ if Hela does not kill you first, understood?” He asked. Both of the guards nodded, somewhat terrified. 

“Loki we will be speaking after dinner,” Odin said, shakily setting his while glass down. Interestingly enough, instead of a snide remark, Loki actually looked terrified, straightening up and moving the food on his plate around without so much as an eye roll. All of which was being recorded in excruciating detail by Bruce, as Natasha had texted him strict instructions to keep eyes on Loki at all times and report back on his behavior. “Thor you are dismissed,”

“Whatever,” Thor said, grabbing Bruce’s arm and pulling him out of the chair before he could open his mouth. 

“Wh- you’re just gonna let them take him?” Bruce asked. 

“Bruce, fighting them will not make any difference. It will only anger them further and they will take it out further on him,” Thor said, walking fast enough that Bruce practically had to jog.

“Okay but like, are you really just going to leave him?” Bruce asked. 

“Look, with his magic, and the state my father is in, if he really needs to get away from them he can,” Thor said. “I’ve only ever seen him do it once, and that time it was entirely preventable,”

“How preventable?” Bruce asked. 

“He staged a suicide of my father in front of the entire population of Asgard and then, when he was found out, Loki refused to admit and Asgard what in chaise for months,” Thor said. “I would not have hid him in my room but someone can only be blood eagled so many times,” 

“Blood eagled, that sounds bad…” Bruce said, scribbling it down. 

“Just do not look it up on the ‘internet’ I think you will find it… unpleasant,” Thor said, kissing Bruce's head. 

“Whoa what does it look like?” Bruce asked. “Why is it so bad?” 

“What do you not understand about ‘do not look it up’ Banner?” Thor asked. “Believe me not knowing is far preferable-  _ don’t go down that hallway!” _ Thor said, grabbing Bruce and tugging him away, thoroughly startling him. 

“What? What is it?” Bruce asked. “Are there like, m monsters or something? Or does it- like lead to your sister?” 

“No, that is the hallway where they practice the burials for royalty on poor people or slaves who have died,” Thor said. “I wandered down there several years ago and I still dream about it,” He aid, shuddering. “Trust me, please just hold my hand, you’re going to end up dead,”

“It’s not like  _ everything _ here can kill me,” Bruce said, taking Thor's hand. “Wait not everything here can kill me right?” 

“Let’s just go back to my room,” 

\---

“Flash why are you calling me?” MJ asked, making Peter, who had been getting far too many snacks in the kitchen run to stick his head in. Not that he couldn’t hear both sides from the kitchen. “It’s august, I don’t want to think about your face,”

“Hey!” Flash said, making her furrow her brow while Peter tossed her a soda. Diet as per her request. “I just felt like I hadn’t talked to you in awhile, how’s it going,” 

“Awful. Why are you calling me?” She asked again. 

“Cool cool, have you been working on any of the decathlon team stuff over the summer?” Flash asked. MJ’s mouth fell open. 

“Oh my gosh, you just heard about Gwen didn’t you?” She asked. 

“No… I- I mean what about Gwen? Is she okay?” He asked. 

“This is unbelievable, a classmate dies and you go around calling to see if you can take her spot on the decathlon team!” MJ said. “What because she killed herself you think her death carries less weight? Or do you always act like an ass when it comes to the ending of another  _ classmate's _ life?” She asked, actually managing to keep her voice relatively calm.

“I mean it’s not like she’s going to be on the team anymore,” Flash said. “What’s she going to do? Send in her answers from hell? If she even cared she wouldn’t have-” 

“Eva is taking her place. And you  _ know _ that Gwen practiced Tibetan, why would she be in hell?” MJ asked. Peter was glowering in the corner, eating strawberries while scribbling something down. 

“Oh of course you choose Eva, she’s like you,” Flash said. 

“What exactly do you mean by ‘like me’,  _ Flash?” _ She asked. 

“You know… you’re the same… like from the same place,” Flash said. “You always cherry pick people just like you,” 

“...she wears a hijab. Her parents are from Pakistan. My father was black,” MJ said. “Dude- your grandparents immigrated from Guatemala, you are  _ also _ a minority,” She said. 

“Whatever, this whole group is bullshit,” Flash grumbled. 

“Oh don’t you  _ dare _ hang up the phone- unbelievable!” MJ said, throwing the phone down on the bed. “Peter can you believe that?” 

Uh… no... “ Peter said, shaking his head. 

“What is wrong with that kid? Is he trying to get himself killed?” She asked. “I swear, kids already hired someone to kill you, it’s not too far a stretch.  _ And _ my dad just taught me how to detached the brain stem with a bobby pin,” 

“Scary,” Peter said.

“Honestly…” She said, shaking her head. “And it’s not like he’s  _ good _ at the team! He doesn't know the source material, let alone the trivia questions that you do,” 

“At least he’ll start being nicer to you when he finds out about Mr. Clint,” Peter said. 

“Oh we’re calling my dad Gourden Ramsey now,” she said. “But honestly, it’s going to be hilarious when he finds out,”

“I’m gonna bring Dummy to film it,” Peter said. “He gets sad when I’m at school all day,” 

“Or you could just screen record,” She said. “Technically illegal but so much easier,”

“Be careful, that’s what Mr. Wade says,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 y/o: *Throws tow truck at my leg* "The tow truck hit you! You need help!"  
> (tow truck is his fav toy)  
> Me: "Oh no, do I need a ambulance?"   
> 6 y/o: "No, you need mental help," 
> 
> ...
> 
> He's not wrong.


	99. Dun dun DUUUUNNNN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a bit late!!!

“Hey Peter?” Tony said, not looking up from his work. “Your dogs barking, I think she needs a walk,” Peter nodded, not responding otherwise. “Peter? Peter!” Tony said, picking up a apple.  _ “Peter!” _

“What?” Peter asked, startled. “Uh… can you repeat that?”

“Yeah… Tessa needs out,” Tony said. “Is everything okay? I called you a couple times,” He said. 

“Oh. I couldn’t hear you,” Peter said with a shrug. “Here Tess!” He said. Tessa instantly scrambled over from the door she’d been scratching at. 

“What do you mean you couldn’t hear me?” Tony asked. “You hear everything. Even if you don’t want to,” 

“I just zoned out okay?” Peter said, picking Tessa up and throwing her across his shoulders. “Come on lets go,”

“Thats weird kid!” Tony called, picking his tablet back up. “Friday keep-” 

“Keep tabs on Peter Parker sir. I know.” Friday said, sounding distinctly done. 

“What do you mean ‘you know’ I hadn’t said it yet,” Tony said. 

“You request me to do it every time your child leaves,” She said. “I would like to remind you at this juncture that I do have body cameras and street surveillance keeping tabs on him at all times, you do not need to request it specily every time he leaves.” 

“At this  _ juncture _ ? What did Pepper start programming to?” He asked, shaking his head. 

“No, but I find that she seems to get the most respect in the tower,” Friday said. 

“Great. If you start working with her I’m over,” 

\---

“Who is this?” Steve asked, picking up his phone. 

“Caption,” The caller said. 

“Fury?” Steve said. “Why are you calling me? Don’t you usually go though Tony or Pepper to give us missions?” 

“I don’t want all of them on this one. Grab Natasha and meet me at the cafe by the Stark Tower. I already blacked out all the cameras, Stark won’t be able to hear or see us,” he said. 

“What are you talking about? Why can’t Tony know about this?” Steve asked. 

“Well if I told you over a Stark Industries Phone that would defeat the whole point of trying to keep him out of the loop wouldn’t it?” Fury asked. “Just be there. And bring Clint with you if you have to. I don’t want him spying on us and blabbing,” 

“It’ll just be me and Natasha, he’s keeping tabs on Loki at… nevermind,” Steve said. “We’ll be there,” 

“You better be,”

Although it took a fair amount of convincing, he  _ did _ manage to get Natasha to come with him, under the promise of him buying her a latte and it not taking any longer then an hour. 

When they finally did reach the coffee shop, they found Fury sitting in the darkest corner, a dark fedora pulled over his head and his jacket pulled to cover the rest of him. Natasha rolled her eyes, sliding across from him with her eyes narrowed. 

“Get mine to go,” She whispered, walking over. 

“On it,” He said.

“What do you need?” She asked while Steve waited for their coffee. “Why are you bothering us,”

“I have a mission,” Fury said. “For both of you,”

“Alright, what’s going on?” Steve asked, setting down Natashas coffee. 

“I noticed some strange activity on the Stark Indesteries tech, I need my best guys on it,” Fury said. “We can’t risk a hacker,” 

“Is… that it?” Steve asked. “That’s all?” 

“I need someone smooth on this one Caption,” Fury said. “I assume I can count on you,”

“I- sure,” Steve said. 

“Good. You two are dismissed,” Fury said. “Oh, Natasha, I had a comment on your last mission if you have time,” 

“Of course,” She said with a tight smile. “Steve I’ll catch up, tell MJ I might be late,” 

Steve nodded, jobbing out the door, soy latte in hand. “What the hell’s going on Fury?” She asked the moment he was out the door. 

“Who’s MJ? Did you add recruits to the team without telling me?” He asked. She fingered the gun on her belt, glaring. 

“What do you want. Did I not make my opinion on you clear?” She asked.

“We can’t trust Stark, you and I both know this,” Fury said. “I want eyes on the inside. I want reports every week, plus special ones every business deal. We need to take SI down on the inside,” 

“Why are we taking them down?” She asked. 

“Stark Indistries left their main market source of weapons and tripled the money they where making. They constantly outpour to charities to try and keep us from  _ questening _ them. No company can get money like that without being in some shady business. Now if Stark gets out of control everyones doomed, you, me, everyone,” 

“Like Sheild?” she asked. 

“I need you to put our own issues behind us now for the greater good, you got it?” He said. “No one, and I mean  _ no one _ working with, or near someone working with him, can know about this, got it?” 

“I understand,” She said. They cleared up the details and she was released with the mission debrief, which she immediately dropped in the trash the moment she got inside. 

“Tony you will not guess what Fury just asked me to do!” 

\---

“Alright, Bruce, so this is going to sound concerning, but the floor  _ might _ be toxic to humans and result in a long slow and very painful death so… just stay here while we go talk to the witches,” Thor said. “So just… why don’t you just sit on my bed and do  _ not  _ touch the floor,” he said, stepping out the door. 

“He buy it?” Loki asked. 

“I think so, do the spell fast!” Thor whispered. 

“It’s already done, we need to wait,” Loki said. “Do you actually believe that he is going to-” Loki was cut off by Bruce shrieking. “There we go,” 

“Bruce we told you the floor would kill you!” Thor yelled. 

_ “Why did the floor LICK ME?” _ Bruce yelled, standing on top of the bed. “And why is it not licking you!” 

“Thor, sidebar?” Loki asked, both of them turning around. “It’s safer for him,” 

“Are you sure this is safe?” Thor asked. “What if it kills him?” 

“What if  _ what _ kills me?” Bruce asked. 

“I haven’t ever done it on a human, I will admit that there are risks,”

“Do you think that it’ll be okay?” Thor asked. 

“It’s safer then leaving him alone,”

“Fine, Loki do it,” Thor said, sighing. “But I fear it will not give him a good impression of Asgard,” Thor said. 

“What- what is that? What are you doing with that spell book? What’s…  _ ahem _ what’s going… on?” Bruce asked, his voice getting weaker.

“It’s a curse. On midgaurd it would be similar to laryngitis  _ plus _ Influenza,” Loki said. “Don’t worry, you’ll most likely live,” 

“Wh-” 

“It will just insure you are safer while here. Speaking to anyone, including my parents would be practically a death sentence for you,” Thor said, condescending patting his head. “You’ll be better in a few weeks,” 

“Well we’ll see,” Loki said. 

\---

“Can you repeat that?” Peter asked, blinking at Shuri. 

“Okay what is wrong with you? That is the third time you ask me that and we only been talking for a hour,” She said, crossing her arms. “What are you broken or something?” 

“No I just… zoned out,” Peter said, shrugging.

“You know, someone in the village was always doing that. We brought her in because it became such a problem while she was teaching,” Shuri said. “I don’t know what happened to her after that, but I do not think it was good. You should go to a doctor,” 

“Whatever. Hey remind me to entroduce you to Ned, he thinks I have a brain tumber every time I zone out. To be fair, he was right  _ once _ but it wasn’t a symptom,” Peter said with a shrug. 

“At least tell Sam. If you don’t Friday will report it,” Shuri said. 

“No she won’t,” Peter said. “I just zone out sometimes,” 

“She will because I am programming it right now,” She said. “It’s hacking as we speak,” 

“No need Shuri,” Friday said. “Tony has both massively increased the firewalls, but that aside, I have already sent a full report to Sam Wilson, including video evidence,” She said. “You can be assured it is being handled,” 

“What?” Peter said, looking up at the ceiling. “Friday!” He whined. 

“It has become concerning Peter,” Friday said. 

“I agree with Friday,” Shuri said. “And- did you help Tony with his firewall? This is much more complex,” 

“No, but he was getting salty about you being able to hack into it,” Peter said. “He said he was ‘bringing out the big guns’ so…” 

“Oh thank goodness, watching T'challa's love life was getting old, I needed a project,” She said. “Otherwise I would turn into one of those celebrities that go insane from never working and feed my guests duck breast and apricot,” She said.

“I didn’t say it!” Peter said, laughing. “I think that’s why my Dad spends so much time in the lab all the time, he practically lives there,” 

“I would not say Tony has a healthier lifestyle at the moment,” Shuri said. 

“Come on! He burned all his drugs,” Peter said. 

“Ah, as per usual, the bar is  _ on the floor,” _

\---

“Who let her out?” Loki asked, taking a step back while Thor grabbed his hammer. 

“Hello boys,” Hella said.

“Oh we are all fucked now,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late!! I mean only by a few hours but still.. 
> 
> also, lots of shit happened this chapter huh?


	100. CHAPTER 100 WTF I LOVE YOU GUYS💛💛

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 100 fucking chapters bitches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme be sappy for a sec here...  
> This fic has saved me so many times during everything. It keeps me going in so many ways, and all of you are a huge part of it. I never thought ANYONE would read the first chapter of this, let alone make it to 1oo. All of you who have, and the fabulose ones of you who comment every chapter keep me going. I love all of you, thank you for being here for me for so long, I love you and I know most of you better then I know anyone in real life. Thank you

“Fury wants you to keep tabs on me?” Tony asked. “I’m flattered,” 

“Don’t be,” She said. “He doesn't know how you are making your money, it’s freaking him out. He doesn't like people he can’t control, and if Fury doesn't like you then you are in danger,” 

“But I thought he couldn’t control me,” Tony said. 

“Tony…” She said. “This is real shit,” 

“I know!” Tony said, laughing. “I have all of my records and payments and donations and sales online, anyone can look that up for free,” He said. “Pep deals with these rumors every year or two, they always get disproven,” He said. “This is tabloid stuff,” 

“Tabloid stuff he thought he needed me working from the inside on,” She said. 

“Oh he doesn't know we’re related does he?” He asked.

“He doesn't even know we adopted MJ, not that I want him to, but I think telling him would break him,” Natasha said. “I’ll keep this going for a while and tell him I couldn’t find anything,” 

“Or you could troll him,” Tony said. 

“I’m not saying no…” 

\---

“Well, you look well,” Thor said, grinning at Hela. “Very fit, love the makeup to,” 

“Odin is ailing,” Hela said. “This will be my rise to the throne,” She said. “My rightful place,” 

“Your rightful place is in the dungeons below the slaves,” Thor said, his face serious, trying to skilfully stand in front of both Loki and the door to his room. He was now  _ very _ thankful Loki had made Bruce sick. With any luck he wouldn’t be walking around everywhere. 

“Oh come on now, I am your  _ sister, _ you can’t help loving me can you?” Hela asked, grinning and taking a step forward. 

“At least you did something to be locked away unlike the prisoners of war down there,” Loki commented, turning Hela’s attention to him. 

“Really Loki?” Thor asked. “You just  _ had _ to bring that up huh?”

“Oh yes, Loki,” Hela said. “Don’t think that I have forgotten about you,” 

“Hela…” Loki said, his eyes narrow. 

“Yes, I remember you clearly now.  _ You _ were the one they took after locking  _ me _ , the  _ rightful ruler _ away. They gave you my old room, my old clothes, my old  _ books _ and what did you do?” She asked. “Why you took it, didn’t you? You took the clothing and the books and the room, and just like that it was as if I had never existed,” 

“I was an infant,” Loki said. 

“Technicly…  _ I _ have your old room, they gave Loki my room.” Thor said.

“Oh well now  _ you _ are the one making it worse,” Loki said, throwing his pen at Thor. 

“I will reclaim what is  _ rightfully _ mine,” Hela said. 

“Can we  _ please _ just talk this out over chocolate or something?” Loki asked. “I do not think me nor my brother are exactly  _ scrambling _ to take the throne,”

“What is… chocolate?” Hela asked. 

“Oh we’re about to change Asgards whole economy,” 

\---

“Peter, I was very worried by the footage that Friday showed me,” Sam said, folding his hands. “Not only did it show you having trouble focusing or staying engaged, it also showed signs of hyperfocus, disorganization beyond what is considered normal, impulsivity and bad judgment, and extreme extensive talking,” Sam said. “All of these strongly point towards ADHD Peter,” 

“Okay…” Peter said. 

“Have you ever been diagnosed with ADHD, ADD, or any other attention deficit disorder?” Sam asked, reading off of his online questionnaire. 

“I don’t think so,” Peter said. 

“Do you ever find yourself wrapped up in small details of any project, even after you finished the main pieces or it is mostly done?” Sam asked. 

“Uh… yes,” Peter said.

“Do you find it difficult to organize your tasks when a project requires organization?” Sam asked. 

“I just… don’t,” Peter said. “So I guess maybe? I usually just don’t do it then. My teachers don’t like that,”

“How often would you say that you struggle to remember an appointment?” Sam asked. 

“All the time,” Peter said. “These questions are a lot better than the ones my school gives,”

“Do you find it difficult to pay attention when something is boring or repetitive?” Sam asked. 

“Hmm?” Peter said. “Uh… yes,” 

“Okay… great,” Sam said. “There are a lot more questions but I think I am seeing a pattern here,” He said. “Technically I can’t prescribe anything to you  _ legally _ , so I am giving a strong sudjustion to you and your guardians that you seek medication. Ideally Adderall or-” 

“Oh like the vine!” Peter said. 

“-Evekeo,” Sam finished. 

“You forgot one thing sir,” Peter said, fidgeting. “I can’t take meds,” 

“What do you mean by that Peter?” Sam asked, clicking his pen. 

“Not like how Mr. Wade wont!” Peter said. “I just… like if I take them they won’t do anything. My metabolism is way to high,” 

“Well we can try different doses and see if we can make something work for you,” Sam said. 

“No like, so there was this time where I had a really bad headache and I couldn’t work at school because the lights hurt too bad right after I got bit, and so I took like four advil, and it didn’t do anything, so I just… kept taking them. I took almost two bottles and I couldn’t tell at all. I did the same thing with Nyquil a week or two ago. I took four bottles and I wasn’t even a little sleepy,” Peter said. “Maybe if we just try more though,” 

“We could talk to Tony about possibly tamping down your powers slightly,” Sam said. “Enough you can patrol, but maybe not so insanely high,” 

“Uh… If I tell you something that’s going to make you freak out, can you promise to not tell my dad?” Peter said. “Because he’s not going to be happy and I don’t want to deal with that,” 

“Go ahead…” Sam said. 

“I tried. I was sick of waking up in the middle of the night to eat, or passing out on patrol, or being able to hear when people are… doing stuff… so I lowered them. It wasn’t all that complicated, but I had to work on some bio studies to do it safely,” Peter said. 

“So what’s the problem? Why did you raise it again?” Sam asked. 

“I’m radioactive sir. My body is constantly full of radiation,” He said, shrugging. “I started feeling awful. I didn’t have energy and I could hardly sit through meals. One day I slept for over 24 hours. Then I went on patrol…” Peter said. 

“Okay… what happened?” Sam asked. 

“I hit a wall, and my nose started bleeding. And it didn’t stop,” Peter said, rubbing his neck. “I gave myself a MRI scan -I’ve seen it done enough to know how- and,” 

“Oh shit,” Sam said. “Your body is full of radiation,” 

“It’s the only thing keeping cancer in check,” Peter said. “When I turned it back I was fine for almost a week. Just like Mr. Wade, except it’s more like cancer kills him once every year or so and then he’s fine and then it kills him and then it repeats,” Peter said. “If we turn it down I’ll have cancer again,” 

“I know you asked me to not talk to Tony but… Peter this could really  _ really _ hurt you,” Sam said. “And I need to tell him about the ADHD anyway…” 

“I don’t care anymore, just make sure he won’t freak out,” 

\---

“Hela, I think we can come to an agreement that we will all be happy with,” Thor said, intertwining his hands. 

“And what could that agreement possibly be?” She asked, glaring at him.

“I don’t… like Asgard anymore,” Thor said. “It used to be my home, but after leaving, and seeing what earth was, and how many different kinds of people there were, and all the different places and cultures and how different everyone looked, and the food that they actually  _ cooked _ I don’t want to rule here anymore,” Thor said. 

“You have to be joking,” Hela said. “Do not try to out manipulate me Thor, I will win,”

“I’m not,” Thor said. “Loki can you leave? I would like to speak to her alone,” 

“Hmph,” Loki said, picking up his book and slamming the door. 

“What’s wrong with you Thor?” She said. “What could be better than Asgard? The gold, the people? We have everything here, it’s the best place to be,” 

“Well…” Thor said. “I have people on earth unlike anything on Asgard. People who have all different thoughts and all different lives. No one grew up the same. But they all care so deeply there. There is nothing that can stop them, tiny as they may be,” Thor said. 

“There must be something else, keeping you away,” She said. “Are there more riches there? More to rule?” 

“No earth is smaller, and they do not have all one ruler,” Thor said. “Although if there was one it would be my friend, the man of iron,” 

“Then what could make you so happy there?” She asked. 

“I have met my person down there,” Thor said. “And Asgard does not suit him very well,” 

“A single human? That’s what’s keeping you from seizing your right to the throne?” Hela asked. “If you were king you could not have anyone on Asgard you wanted? Or just force this human to come with you! Not that I… want you to be king,” 

“Not this person,” Thor said. “If he could not be happy on Asgard neither could I. He has family and friends back on earth, and they have all become my friends. Loki has parents that are helping him. Keeping him controlled if you will,” Thor chuckled. “I can’t imagine ever wishing for things to be different then they are right now. They are things it would never have occurred to me to need, and yet I do,”

“You are being nonsensical,” Hela said. Thor leaned forward, setting down his hammer. 

“If I give you the throne, you need to promise me five things,” Thor said. “No more slaves. A small human named MJ taught me about it, and I don’t like it.” 

“I can work that out,” She said.

“You may rule Asgard, but nothing else, unless it is given to you,” Thor said. “You get Asgard and that’s it. And I never want anyone treated as loki was by our father. No one deserves that. You didn’t,” Thor said. 

“That’s three,” She said. 

“Humans shall be seen as equal here, and free to visit as they wish without fear of harm,” Thor said. 

“That will be difficult,” Hela said. “But I can try. What is your final wish?” 

“Please give money back to the poor. They deserve houses and food and clothes,” Thor said. “Are we in agreement? If so I can have Loki finalize with a magic pact thingy…” 

“I can promise to try,” She said. “That is all I can give you,” 

“Thank you Hela,” He said, nodding and grabbing his hammer. 

“Thor, before you go,” Hela said, crossing her legs. “Tell me, what is the name of this human? The one that you are willing to give up your birth rights for?”

“You want his name?” Thor asked. 

“If you don’t mind too much,” She said. “The curiosity is killing me,” 

“Bruce… Bruce Banner,” Thor said, grinning. 

“Bruce. I have heard worse names,” She said. “Well I wish you and Bruce well,” 

“And we you,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO I DO NOT PLAN ON ENDING THIS FIC BEFORE YOU COMMENT THAT!
> 
> I did a bunch of resurch on ADHD for this chapter, let me know if there is anything you think is inaccuracy/ disrespectful. I really wanna take a look at WADE later and the 'voices' they talked about in the comics, but schizophrenia is one of the mental illnesses that is most stereotyped, so I wanted to do something with more info online first. ANyway, let me know in the comments! Love all of you!💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛


	101. Bruce ISN't SICK thank you very much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /I do not have ADHD, everything I know about it is from online and having other mental disorders, I am doing my best to make it realistic and stuff/

“Hey Bruce?” Thor asked, walking in the room, thoroughly pleased to see that Bruce was still there. “How are you feeling?” 

Bruce rolled over, narrowing his eyes at Thor and sniffing. “Fine,” He said, in a very  _ not-fine _ voice.

“You really shouldn’t be talking,” Thor said with a wince, sitting down next to Bruce. “Loki invented that for me, and he really was not feeling charitable,”

“Hmph,” Bruce said, pressing his head against Thors hip contentedly while Thor messed with his hair. “Whatever,” He said horsley. 

“Really, you should go to sleep,” Thor insisted. “This stuff gets worse before it gets better and I don’t know how different it is for humans, you could get really ill,”

“Mhm,” Bruce said, unconcerned. “Okay,” he said, making Thor furrow his brow. 

“You do not sound as if you plan on doing so,” Thor said. Bruce didn’t respond this time, only hiding further under the covers. “Sleep well. I will stay here,” 

“Isn’t your sister… killing… stuff?” Bruce asked, turning his face up. 

“Yes Thor,” Loki said, appearing in the doorway. “What did end up happening with her anyway?”

“Oh don’t worry about Hela. I gave her chocolate and… talked… to her,” Thor said. “I can explain more later Loki,” 

“That sounds suspicious,” Bruce said from under the blankets. 

“I thought you were supposed to be smart, stop talking,” Thor said. “You are going to make yourself worse. Use one of your PHD’s or something,” 

“Thor I think you greatly misunderstand what PHDs are,” Loki said, rolling his eyes, “You can not apply them to everyday life,”

“But you have to be smart to get the PHD’s,” Thor said. 

“But they are only for specific things, like types of science,” Loki said. “Oh whatever, you’re not going to get it are you,” He said sighing. “That’s fine, just make sure Bruce is still breathing, I would feel kinda bad if I killed him. Maybe…” Loki said. 

“I am sure he will be fine,” Thor said, looking at Bruce who appeared to already be asleep while Loki raised an eyebrow. “I hope he will be fine,” 

“Whatever, I’m going to go torment the village,” Loki said. 

_ “Don’t get killed!” _ Thor yelled. “Remember they don’t like you!” 

“Gee, thanks,” Loki said, flipping him off as he left. 

\---

“Okay, so you can’t turn down your powers,” Sam said. 

“Right,” 

“And you can’t just take 3000 milagrames of ADHD meds,” Sam said. “Because no pharmacist in their right mind would prescribe that to you, and I do  _ not _ trust Tony or Strange, or even Bruce that much,” Sam said. 

“Uh huh,”

“So I want to see if we can find ways to try and manage this without medication before we do anything extreme,” Sam said. “There are changes like diet and exercise that will help, as well as spending time outside, practicing meditation-” 

“Sir not to be rude but you sound like my school psychologist,” Peter said. “And I do not particularly like my school psychologist,” He said. “Because last year a kid said that he was going to kill himself and they told him to get a hobby,” 

“Well- alright, but we need to try and do something to keep it manageable for you,” Sam said. “You seem to have been managing it pretty well to not have gotten diagnosed until now,” Sam said. 

“Well, not really, it’s not like it’s worse, it’s just like… like I don’t have the energy to make it seem like it’s not as bad as it is,” Peter said. “And my school counselor thought I had it when I was little, they just never followed up,” He said. 

“Wh- why not?” Sam asked. 

“Well I only had health care for as long as my parents were alive,” Peter said. “Uncle Ben worked in construction and Aunt May was a part time nurse,” He said. “They could only pay out of pocket for my treatment for so long. Eventually after my uncle died they had to stop,” 

“Tell me about that,” Sam said. 

“Well, I already had my powers when Ben died,” Peter said. “So even if I  _ did _ still have cancer it was much better already. And I had hair and stuff because they were doing experimental stuff not cemo at that point,” Peter said. “And May cried for a week and told me that they couldn’t afford it anymore, and that this last scan would show how much time I had,” Peter said. 

“That must have been hard,” Sam said. 

“Eh, not really. At that point death seemed fine,” Peter said. “I mean, come on, they prepare you for it your whole life as a sick kid, and then I lost my uncle… anyway,” Peter said. “But they took me in for the scan and everyone freaked out because they said that they couldn’t see anything,” Peter said, rubbing his neck. “Aunt May said it was a gift from Ben, that he saved my life twice,” 

“Hmm,” Sam said. 

“I actually felt kinda bad because I didn’t want to tell her that I got bitten by a mutant alien spider while trespassing, so I never told her,” Peter said. “And then she died so it worked out!” 

Sam's watch beeped, signaling the end of the session. “Wait we never got around to talking about what you  _ could _ do-” 

“Bye sir!” Peter yelled, skipping out the door. 

Sam sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I am not qualified to deal with this shit,” 

\---

“Wanda,” Vision said. “Not to alarm you, but I believe there is an issue with the cat,” He said, holding the cat arm's length. 

“And what would that be?” she asked. 

“Well it seems to crave death and not necessarily it’s own,” Vision said. 

“Aw, hello little kitty,” She said, picking up the cat, where it curled around her neck. “I do not see the problem,” 

“Well you are one of the most powerful beings ever born,” Vision said. “It must extend to cats,” 

“Nox is not doing anything,” Wanda said, petting it. 

“Maybe I was mistaken,” Vision said, leaning forward to kiss her, when Nox sprung up like a coiled spring and began to make a noise more similar to speaking in tongues then hissing. “No! I fear I was not!” He said, jumping back. 

“He just needs to warm up to you,” Wanda said, calmly taking the angered cat and letting him sprint out of the room, before kissing Vision. “Problem solved,”

“Alright,” Vision said, although he still looked a little wary of the cat. “If I make food will you actually eat it?” He asked.

“You know I heard this new place has mint and  _ mushroom _ soup?” She said, carefully pronouncing mushroom, a word she just found out she had been saying wrong this entire time. 

“That sounds delicious,” Vision said. “Do you order take out for cats? Is that a thing?” He asked. 

“I think Nox will be just fine abstaining,” She said. “I have wet food for him,” 

“See this is why the cat doesn't like me,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's so short! Hope you liked it, gonna go throw up now.


	102. Chapter 102

“-like, what’s taking a walk even gonna do?” Peter asked, sprawled on his bed. “Oh, thank goodness, I saw a homeless man throw up on a crow, now I can focus,” He said. 

“Would you like me to experiment on you?” Shuri asked. “My brother is tired of me,” 

“No but I want you to come over, it’s boring here and MJ’s sulking because Loki’s off in asgard,” He said. “Which also means Bruce isn’t here to poke and try and get the hulk to come and play,” Peter said. 

“Yeah okay,” She said. “Do you want to call the fat friend of yours?” She asked. 

“That’s mean,” Peter said. “I mean Ned would agree with you, but it’s still mean,”

“If you invite him I will tolerate him,” Shuri said. “See you in ten,” 

As expected Shuri did arrive ten minutes later, forcing him to talk somewhere outside of his room, which had escalated beyond depression den and was now more of a depression pit. “Ned swore he was coming, he’s just a little late,” He said. 

“Uh huh,” Shuri said, leaning back on the roof. “It’s not muggy up here,” She commented. 

“Yeah dad built it above the smog so it wouldn’t be all grimy,” Peter said. “You can see pretty much everything from up here,” 

“So you have the ADHD, yes?” She asked. 

“Ugh, apparently,” Peter said. “It’s just like… I don’t see why I should have to do anything different, because… well you know, I’ve always been like this. It’s not like them telling me that changes anything,” 

“Are you going to try any medication at all?” She asked. 

“Not really. Sam mentioned that we could try caffeine to help me concentrate, but I really don’t know. I’ve only been off the cancer shit for a few months, I don’t wanna mess with that kinda stuff again,” He said sighing. 

“Well there has to be something you can do,” She said. “Not in a optimist way, I think that it is logistically impossible that there is nothing you can not do,” 

“I don’t think you meant to use logistically like that,” Peter said. 

“I am fairly sure I did, you just don’t know the definition,” she said. “After the ‘railing’ disaster.” 

“ _ I did not think it could mean that!” _ Peter said, shaking his head. “Excuse me for having faith in humanity!” 

“I thought you would have known better by now,” 

\---

“Thor, Loki, your father wishes to speak with you,” Frigga said, her face somber as ever as she opened the door. 

“What about?” Thor asked, tossing his hammer, completely unconcerned. He’d put a pillow over Bruce’s face and he was fairly sure that Bruce would neither move or make himself known. And by now the servants knew better than to touch anything in either of their rooms if they had been requested not to. 

“I don’t know Thor,” Frigga said. 

“Wait but-” Thor said. She closed the door before he could get a word in edgewise. “Geeze,” 

“It sounds like she needs you,” Loki commented from the corner. 

“It sounds like she needs both of us, get up,” Thor said. “Or I will throw my hammer at you,” He threatened. 

“Go ahead, I crave death,” Loki said. 

_ “Loki, _ ” Thor said. “Come on, let’s go,” 

“Hmfh,” Loki said, narrowing his eyes and following him out. “You will be doing the talking,” 

“Why have you gone back to how you used to behave?” Thor said. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Loki said. 

“On earth you are loud, and doing shit, and seem to get enjoyment from  _ some _ things. Even if they are tormenting me,” Thor said. “But the moment we set foot back on Asgard you became quiet again,” 

“Thor you have no idea what you are speaking of,” Loki said. “Now look, we have missed the door,” 

“I will be informing Clint and Natasha of your behavior,” Thor grumbled. Loki caught his wrist before he could knock. “Loki?” 

“You shall do no such thing,” Loki said, very quiet and very serious. “They are spies, they will find things. Things I don’t think either of us want them to find. Or do you not remember?” 

“Loki?” Thor asked. 

“Let’s go,” Loki said, swinging open the door. 

“Thor! Come in!” 

\---

_ “Are you sure this is safe?” _ Shuri yelled. 

“It worked on the test run!” Peter yelled back.  _ “Ned turn it all the way up!’ _

“I don’t think it can take it!” Ned yelled. “The soldering is pretty shaky!” 

“Just turn it up and jump on fast!” Peter yelled. Ned did as he was told, grabbing Peter's hand and being pulled up as they were lifted off the roof. 

“Dude I can’t believe this worked!” Ned yelled. 

“I can not believe that Michelle didn’t want to come!” Shuri said, gazing around. 

“Like I said, she’s pouting,” Peter said. “Maybe we can pick her up at her window!”

“Dude we have to,” Ned yelled. 

“Alright I’m gonna fly it down!” 

\---

Mj was  _ not _ pouting. She just happened to enjoy re-reading the same book over and over all day. Even so, she was at least curious why there was a bugle horn outside her window, so she got up to pull the blinds back. 

“What the fuck did you three do?’ she asked, cornering her page. 

“This is the first life like millenium falcon!” Shuri yelled. 

“Please come with us!” Peter said. “We haven’t seen you all day,” 

“You told me you were watching Star Wars,” She said. 

“Well yes, then things spiraled,” He said. “Please?  _ Please?” _

“...I better not get in trouble for this,” She said, making them cheer. “How do I even get on?” She asked, “This isn’t steady!” 

“Here!” Ned said, reaching out a sweaty hand. 

“...thanks,” She said, ignoring it and jumping on instead, sending her skidding several feet. “Ow,” 

“See the farther in you go the quieter it gets,” Peter said, walking in. She stood up, looking around. “What do you think?” 

“How long have you been working on this?” She asked, standing up. 

“Uh… well both me and Shuri had blue prints done separately, so we sorta just compared them and then we… built it,” Peter said. “It really wasn’t that hard! She brought some blue glowy stuff from her room that she uses in the suits there and we put it to power everything, and then me and Ned programmed the co-pilot into it because none of us have a license yet and-” 

“Peter?” Shuri said from the corner. “Shut up,” 

“Right,” Peter said. “Oh! That was one of our rules! So she would tell me that if I didn-t” Peter was cut off by an energy drink can hit him directly in the face. “Ow,” 

“How do you tolerate him?” Shuri asked MJ. “Every time he speak I feel the urge to sever his vocal chords,”

“Have you seen him without his shirt off?” Ned asked from the corner. 

“Have I  _ what?” _ Shuri asked. 

“Dude Peter’s ripped. It’s from the spider thing,” Ned said.

“Thank you for that very detailed description Ned,” MJ said. 

“I think that was you being rude… but I don’t know for sure,” Ned said. 

“Oh my gosh I am going to jump out this ship,” 

\---

_ “MY DAD FOUND US MY DAD FOUND US HOLY SHIT!”  _ Peter yelled from the cockpit. 

“I’m not helping you, I just jumped out my window,” MJ said. “Look at them,” 

“Do we have the hot water for the icing issue that your dad told you about?” Shuri asked. “We should increase altitude, try to throw him off in the clouds!” 

“Can the power take it?” Ned asked. “I don’t wanna fall to our death in New York!” 

“Nobody is dying!” Peter said. “Shit, the hot water is off, we’re going to have to speed up and try and outfly him or we are  _ all _ grounded forever,” 

“Okay,” Shuri said. “Uh, you guys might want to hold onto something. Fast!” 

MJ grabbed onto a handle near Peter while Ned… wrapped his entire body around the hologram chess table. For reasons. “Peter are you sure this is environmentally ethical-” 

_ “Here we go!” _ Peter yelled, turning up the power, thus rocketing them forward with ‘the force of a thousand lava fart demons’ according to Ned. 

_ “This is better than I thought!”  _ Shuri yelled. 

_ “PLANE!” _

\---

“Pepper I am going to do it this time. I am actually going to kill our kid,”

“Wait-  _ Tony no!” _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe, I just started another Thor and Bruce oneshot even though my other one isn't even halfway done. FUck my life...
> 
> OKAY LOVE YOU GUYS HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!  
> also...
> 
> 3 y/o: "I love you almost as much as Rahrah,"   
> Me: "Oh who's Rahrah?"   
> 6 y/o: "The RAT outside!"   
> Me: "...Thanks..."


	103. Chaos and bloodshed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> egh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IT"S LATE I AM SORRY I"M REALLY SICK!!!

“You need to come get me, please help,” MJ said, hiding from everyone on the back of the ship. “They’re flying into planes,” 

_ “We didn’t actually hit it!” _ Peter yelled.

“MJ what’s going on?” Clint asked. “Are you okay are you endanger?” 

_ “I’m on a mother fucking space ship!” _ She yelled. “We are  _ going to space _ and no one is worried about it!” She said. “Why is no one  _ stopping us?” _

“Okay where are you right now?” Clint asked. 

“I don’t  _ know _ , the sky?” She said. “Here, I’m giving Ned the phone!”

“No! Don’t give-  _ heeeeey Ned _ ,” Clint said. “Do you know where you are right now?” 

“Oh my gosh are you really Hawkeye?” Ned asked. “I have so many questions for you! Okay so your bow-” 

“Give me the phone!” Someone else said. “Hello I am Shuri, I helped build this, we just have a small problem,” 

“What’s the problem?” Clint asked. 

“The problem is I didn’t know that peter was so  _ idiodic-” _

“Okay- you forget to add  _ one little breaking cable!” _ Peter yelled. 

“You don’t have breaks?” Clint asked. 

“No Peter forgot to add a element of the break, he’s fixing it now,” Shuri said. “See, there he goes, across the windshield,” 

“Is he or is he not inside the plane?” Clint asked. 

“It’s squishy!” Ned yelled.

“Some things shouldn’t be squishy!” MJ said. “Dad come help us! Send Sam in his bird suit!” 

“This shouldn’t be smoking…” Peter screamed from the outside. 

“Should we crash land?” Shuri yelled back, turning the phone onto facetime and setting it down. 

“No!” Peter yelled. “I’m gonna burn my hand but I can fix it!” 

“No! If it’s safer to crash-” Clint said. 

“Okay we have a plan now dad thank you!” MJ said, turning the phone off. “Peter are you sure!” 

“I’m not crashing this ship!” Peter yelled in. “It doesn't matter! I can use webs if we need to!” Peter yelled. 

“Okay!” She said, closing the window. “Everythings fine,”

“It better be,” Shuri said. “I am not dying with someone who eats pork rines,” 

\---

“-Because the fact that you think that is a suggestion is a problem in and of itself!” Thor said. “How could that ever be a good idea?” 

“We need to control the murmurs in the village, I think your fathers idea-” Frigga started. 

“No! This is atrocious!” Thor yelled. “Mother, I understand that our father is ailing, but surely your mind is still in good health? How can you consent the the outrite murder of the very people we vowed to protect!” Thor asked, slamming the table. 

“Thor calm down, it’s out of our hands,” Frigga said. 

“Not if I have a say in it!” Thor said, grabbing his hammer. “Come on Loki,” Thor said, grabbing him by the scruff of his neck. Loki allowed Thor to grab him, practically limp as he was being drug across the tile floor. 

“You can not fight the entire planet Thor,” Loki said. 

“I can try,” Thor said. 

“Would it not be easier to just leave?” Loki asked. 

“It would be, but we still have a commitment to our home,” Thor said. “Still, gather whatever you may want before he head back. This may be our last time here,” 

“Our  _ last?  _ What about when Father dies? You will have to take over!” Loki said. “I would like to hope you would allow me back,” 

“I may not,” Thor said. “Of course if it where up to me you could go anywhere you pleased,” 

“Well then what-“ Loki said. “Thor… what did you do?” 

“I had everyone’s best interests inmind.” Thor said. “It was the best desision,”

_ “What _ was?” Loki asked. “Thor I swear on my life if you do not tell me-“ 

“I gave up the throne, is that what you wanted to hear?” Thor said. “Come on we need to stop the guards our father sent,” 

“I- that is the exact  _ opposite  _ of what I had wanted to hear- so who will take the throne?” Loki asked. 

“Hela. What did you think I wanted that vow spell for?” Thor asked. “She was suspicious but we worked it out, now we need to hurry if you don’t want the villagers to burn,” 

“What- Thor this is what you where raised for! This is your birthright! After  _ everything _ you have gone through to defend that, what could possibly-” Loki said, cutting himself off. “Wait-” 

“Loki. The village,” Thor said, nodding to the doors. 

“Thor that is a very big decision to just throw around like that,” Loki said. “I- I mean… and for  _ him _ I-” 

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Thor said. “It’s time we go,” 

“Are you  _ insane- _ ” Loki asked. 

“People will die Loki!” Thor yelled. “We can argue later,” 

“We will be!” 

\---

“At least it didn’t crash,” Peter said, looking around the random field they had landed in. Shuri and MJ where grabbing stuff off of the ship, just  _ incase _ it blew up, and Ned was lying flat on his back. 

“That. Was. Awesome,” Ned said, grinning ear to ear. 

“Peter did you end up hurting your hand?” Shuri asked from inside she ship. 

“Uh… no,” Peter said. “It worked out,” 

“I do not believe. MJ can you-” 

“On it,” MJ said, hopping off. “Can I see your hands?” 

“They arn’t here!” Peter said. “I mean…” 

“Really? Your handed arn’t here?” MJ asked. 

“...yeah,” Peter said, shrugging. “Um…” Before he could come up with a better excuse MJ grabbed his hand. “Ow,”

“Holy shit Peter,” MJ said.  _ “Shuri come look at this!” _ She said, turning his hand over, making him wince. 

“It only hurts when I move it,” Peter said. “Or think about it… or breath or-” 

“Sit down,” Shuri said, grabbing the first aid kit. 

“Well I can still  _ stand _ it’s just-” Peter said. Shuri gave him a very unimpressed look. “Okay sitting down,” 

“What are you gonna do?” Ned asked, bouncing around them. “Are you going to use something really high tech? Or african magic-” 

“Racist,” MJ commented. 

“-Or maybe some kind of plant potion-” 

“I am putting burn cream on,” Shuri said, thoroughly unimpressed by Ned. 

“You should have just let it crash,” MJ said. “Look- none of us would have been hurt that bad,” 

“Especially with all the unnecessary crash safety things you added in,” Shrui said. “The only thing we would have hurt is the ground,” 

“Whatever. Are you done?” Peter asked, pulling his hands away. Shuri raised her eyebrow, but whipped off her hands anyway, shaking her head.

“You must have hit your head to,” Shuri said, sealing the tub. 

“I texted my parents, they should be here within ten minutes of so,” MJ said, glancing at Peter. “Are you okay? You look shaken up,” 

“I’m  _ fine,” _ Peter said, making Ned raise his eyebrows from the log he was sitting on. “I’m just… I’m gonna go wait on the ship,” 

“Fine, be a bitch about it,” She said, flipping him off. 

“Uh, dosn’t he mean in the ship?” Ned asked. MJ glared at him as he scaled the side, completely disregarding the severe burns to his hands to pout on top. 

“No,” 

As she had promised, MJ’s parents arrived within five minutes, pulling up in one of the random black cars they kept for missions. To their credit, they didn’t immediately freak out when they saw the giant, vaguely smoky spaceship, which her boyfriend was pouting on top of. 

“Is everyone okay?” Natasha asked while Peter flipped off the top, landing perfectly in front of them. 

“Yes,” Peter said. 

_ “NO!” _ They all yelled in unison behind him. Clint sighed, ushering them twordes the car. 

“Okay, explain what happened,” He said. “But first who’s hurt and do we need to go to the hospital?” 

“No,” Peter said. 

“Peter has at least second degree burns on his hands,” Shuri said. “I put some ointment on them but professional needs to look at them,”

“She’s exaggerating, I’m fine,” Peter said, shaking his head. 

“No he’s not,” Ned said. “Do you guys have any snacks?” 

“Here,” Natasha said, handing him a granola bar. “Peter show me your hands,” 

“By the time we get home I’ll be healed!” Peter said. “It dosn’t matter!”

“It does matter, show us your hands Peter,” Natasha said. “Or you can wait and let your father see them, which I promise you will be worse,” 

“Fine,” Peter said, holding up his hands. “Here!” 

“Shiiiiit,” Clint said. “Here Nat take the wheel,” He said, smoothly sliding from the drivers seat to the back. Natasha was driving before the car so much as shuttered. “Peter these are second and third degree burns, this isn’t going to heal on it’s own,” 

“It always does,” Peter said. 

“No, Peter-” Clint said. 

“You know what, I’m just gonna swing home,” Peter said. “Goodbye,” he said, jumping out the window and, presumably attaching a web to something. 

_ “PETER- _ Okay, this is fine,” Clint said. “Everything is fine,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh Peter's acting strange after almost crashing a plane full of his friends? I WoNdEr wHy?
> 
> also...  
> 6: "I like *sub bby sitter* better then you. She dosn't raise her voice,"   
> Me, having never raised my voice: "Oh, and when do I do that?"   
> 6: "Earlier when I was drawing and playing,"   
> Me: "Oh, you mean when you drew on the walls in sharpi and smacked your brother across the face?"   
> 6: "Yeah,"
> 
> ...
> 
> help. me.


	104. Thor is in love and Peter said 🖕 u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YeOOOt
> 
> I should not have discretionary money...

“Alright, the village is saved, the trash has been cleaned, you  _ feed the poor _ and saved a kitten, now will you please address why you have decided to  _ forsake your birthright _ because you’re in love with-” 

“I should go check on Bruce,” Thor said, turning around. “I bet he feels awful and we’ve been gone for hours,” 

_ “Thor! _ This is huge! This is… it’s insane! It’s such a huge choice and you act like it’s nothing!” Loki said. 

“Because it was never a choice for me. I knew as soon as I met Bruce I wanted to stay on earth with him. I just now told you,” Thor said. “Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go make sure he is alive,” Thor said, walking quickly down the hallway. 

“I suppose if he died at this point it would really suck,” Loki said. “Alright, but do not think that I am not telling everyone on earth about this when we get back,”

Thor shrugged, swinging his door open to find Bruce lying curled up tightly on his bed, the white comforter pulled up almost above his head, making him very hard to spot. Which was actually ideal, so if a nosy servant peaked into his room they wouldn’t see Bruce right away. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Thor asked. Bruce sat up half way in the bed, blinking at him before raising an eyebrow. “Alright stupid question,” 

“Hmph,” Bruce said, reaching up at Thor and missing horribly, making Thor chuckle. “Only kinda…” He rasped. 

“Alright, here it’s fine,” Thor said, sitting down and wrapping his arms around Bruce. “You feel really warm,” 

“ ‘M cold,” Bruce muttered, pulling the blanket back up. 

“Cold? Here your shirt is thin,” Thor said, shoving a hoodie over Bruce's head. Bruce barely moved, half heartedly phishing his arms through the sleeves before curling back up. “You must be really sick,” Thor commented. “You’re never this calm when I hug you,” 

“Mhm,” Bruce said, narrowing his eyes at Thor before turning over, snuggling Thor's arm. 

“You are so adorable like this,” Thor said. “Of course I want you to feel well but… I find this side of you rather endearing,” He said, chuckling slightly. 

Bruce sighed pointedly, ducking his head under his pillow. “Am not,” He said. 

“Stop talking, you are making yourself sicker,” Thor said. “Just go to sleep, you really should have been asleep this whole time,” 

“Wanted to make sure… that your family… didn’t kill you,” Bruce said, his voice clearly fading. “Make sure you’re… alive,” 

“Bru-uce!” Thor said, pulling Bruce up. “That’s so sweet! And kinda sad… go to sleep now, okay? Nothings gonna happen alright?” Thor said. 

Bruce finally seemed to agree, going limp against Thor within a minute, his head tucked against Thor. And so Thor -who was perfectly content to lie down with Bruce for however long he slept- was not thrilled to see his brother stroll through the door with a shit eating grin on his face. 

“Shh, he just fell asleep,” Thor said, glowering at his brother.

“Oh ew, look at how you two are snuggling- you know you disgust me,” 

\---

_ “Peter get in here right now!” _ Tony yelled after seeing Peter dart straight past both of them. “And bring the dog!” 

“Clint just texted me, he said to check Peter's hands, and that he’s going to be upset,” Pepper said from the sofa. 

“...Do you think he’s going to come out?” Tony asked after a second. 

“What do you think sir?” Friday asked. 

“Alright, well that was just unnecessary,” Tony said, shaking his head. “Ready to brave his room?” He asked Pepper. 

“I have never been ready to see that kids room,” Pepper said, shaking her head. “I can’t wait until the cleaners can come back to work,” 

“Here we go,” Tony said, opening Peter's door. “Kid? Are you here?” 

“No!” Peter shouted. Pepper raised an eyebrow at Peter's tone. 

“Clint did say he was upset…” Tony said, walking into the room. “How can you see here bud?” 

“I dunno, it’s not like I have super senses or anything,” Peter said from his bed, where Tessa was lying against his leg. “It’s not like that was the first conversation we ever had! Gee, must be a mystery!” He said, throwing his phone on his bed. 

“Peter…” Pepper said, cautiously sitting on the edge of his bed. “Clint mentioned you might have hurt your hands, do you think we can take a look?”

“No, I don’t think you can Pepper,” Peter said. “And thanks to the fucking spider I am stronger then both of you, so don’t even try,” 

“I- '' Pepper said, looking at Tony, who also looked completely taken aback by Peter for a second, before slipping back into the calm facid. 

“Let’s not do this kid,” Tony said, sitting down right next to Peter, thus scooting Tessa, who was clearly on Peter's side. “We get it, you’re upset. In fact you seem pretty pissed off, but we need to make sure you’re okay and then we can let you sulk up here in peace, alright?” Tony asked. “Now, can I see your hand,” 

“You  _ aren't _ allowed to freak out,” Peter said. “Because I didn’t have a choice, so if I show you, you can’t freak out, got it?” Peter asked, suddenly looking less angry and far more anxious. “Promise?” 

“I promise,” Tony said. Peter reluctantly handed over his hand, letting Tony take a look. Pepper was covering her eyes. 

“Well,” Peter said. “There you go,” 

“Gee, must have hurt kiddo,” Tony said, looking at the damaged skin. “And I bet you anything that this is better than it was when it happened, isn’t it?” 

“I-... yeah,” Peter said, shrugging. “But it doesn't matter, because there was no avoiding it, so just… whatever okay?” Peter said. 

“According to some of your friends that’s not true,” Tony said. Peter glowered at him. “What really happened?” 

“Well we were building the ship, and I was incharge of the stuff that actually flew it, and I  _ guess _ I was a little spacy because I haven’t slept in awhile, and… I forgot to put in the break okay? I forgot and it was so fucking stupid of me, and because of that we almost had to crash, and I wasn’t going to  _ do  _ that dad!” Peter said. “They would have been fine but I  _ couldn’t _ !” 

“Why not?” Pepper asked, slowly moving forward to hold Peter's hand. 

“I can-t… it’s just… I dunno I just- I can’t  _ do that _ I can’t… if we crashed…” Peter trailed off, shaking his head. “Whatever, what’s the point in talking about it, it’s over now,” 

“Come on kid, we can see that somethings wrong,” Tony said, wrapping an arm around Peter. “It’s so much easier if you just talk to us,”

“I just didn’t want to crash the ship!” Peter said. “It’s not that deep! I just didn’t want it to crash!” He said, waking Tessa back up, where she rolled on her back for belly rubs. “Can I just go to sleep?” He asked. Tony looked at Pepper, then back at Peter. 

“I guess,” He sighed. “But we aren't done here, got it?”

“Mhmm,”

“Friday do you have any idea what that was?” Tony asked the ceiling. 

“Sam Wilson is already on his way to offer his opinion,” Friday said. “And while I have yet to hear it I am well aware I agree with him,”

Okay… when is he going to get here-” Tony started. 

_ “Did it never occur to you, that plane crashes could be a TRIGGER for that kid?” _

“Found him,” 

\---

“We need to head back to earth,” Thor said. “Bruce keeps getting sicker. It was never supposed to be this bad for him,” 

“What you need to do is to have a conversation with me,” Loki said, standing still in his doorway. “Why did you give up the throne for him!” Loki asked.  _ “Him,”  _

“Why would I have ever chosen differently?” Thor asked. 

“You were going to give up everything when you started dating Jane, where you?” Loki asked, throwing his hands up. 

“Well Bruce isn’t Jane, he’s Bruce,” Thor said. Loki raised an eyebrow, clearly awaiting a more complicated explanation. “I mean, she was very nice and very pretty, and she helped me on earth, but she wasn’t… it’s just different,” Thor said shaking his head. 

“I just can’t understand. Ruling the kingdom is all you have ever known. It’s what you were raised to do. And you are willing to give that up for what? One human?” Loki asked. 

“Yes,” Thor said. “Which reminds me, we should really head back soon, he is very ill,” 

“I’m sorry! I only made the spell for you!” Loki said. “And I want particularly happy with you when I did,”

“So I recall,” Thor said. “It was a bit aggressive, even for you,” He said, looking at Bruce with concern. “It doesn't help that we don’t really understand humans,” 

“Maybe he is as much of a drama queen as you are when you are sick,” Loki said. “I would prefer that to having killed him,” 

“He won’t die…” Thor said. “I hope. Besides, he mentioned to me that the Hulk makes it very hard for him to die, so just… don’t do it to any normal humans and you should be good,” Thor said. 

“I will, but only to those I don’t like,” 

\---

“It just doesn't make sense, he’s acting so  _ weird _ ,” Tony said. 

“Remember how his parents died in a fiery plane crash while he was with them? Did it not occur to you  _ at all _ that maybe crashing a ship  _ he built _ full of his friends might make him  _ a little upset?” _ Sam asked. “Of course he’s lashing out, he’s defensive, he’s going to think it’s his fault,” 

“So what should we do?” Pepper asked. 

“Talk to him about it? Make him feel better? He’s your kid, figure out,” Sam said. “Alright, I’m leaving, text me if things escalate,” He said, slamming the door behind him on his way out.

“Alright…” Tony said. “I guess that… kinda makes sense… Pep you wanna go talk to him?” 

“He’s your kid! Half your DNA! Why don’t you do it!” She said. 

“I can’t talk to people Pepper! You know this about me!” Tony said, throwing his hands up. 

“Well figure it out. I will be standing behind you and nodding supportingly,”

“Why can’t I do that?” Tony asked, throwing his hands up. 

“Go!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up, I'm going on vacation so chapters may be wonky bc idk how reseption will be. But I should still be able to update every day!


	105. Chapter 105

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am... so tired...

“Peter, will you please just talk to us?” Tony said, sitting right next to Peter, who was picking at his hands. “We’re really worried about you, and we know that the ship might have been  _ hard _ for you…” Tony said, trailing off. 

“It’s not just that,” Peter said, keeping his eyes focused on Tessa. “It’s just… if I hadn’t screwed up it all would have gone smoothly,” Peter said. 

“Peter…” Pepper said, from where she was trying to wrestle a notebook away from Tessa. “Don’t-” 

“No! It’s true!” Peter said. “I was on such autopilot that I forgot the most basic part of the design! Even  _ MJ _ could have done a better job than me and she spent robotics reading in the corner!” Peter said. “I just- If I could just get a grip and focus it would all be okay!” Peter said. 

“Peter, this is exactly what Sam was trying to tell you earlier, you  _ can't, that's _ why you need to do stuff to manage your symptoms,” Tony said. Peter shook his head, looking down. 

“No because I was  _ fine _ before. In fact before  _ everything _ I was doing great! And then I got sick, and then my parents died, then my  _ grandparents _ died, and then Ben and then May… before all of that I was fine!” Peter said. “So I just need to figure out what worked for me then that isn’t working now!” 

“Peter, what worked for you then is no one knew you had ADHD, so you thought what you were experiencing was normal, even though it wasn’t,” Pepper said, putting a hand on his knee.

“But I could  _ control _ it before. I just screwed up, if I could just… just get a  _ grip _ I wouldn’t have screwed up, everything would be fine!” Peter said, running a hand through his hair, fluffing up straight up. 

_ “Peter! _ That’s not how it works and you know it,” Pepper said. Peter shook his head, leaning against the headboard. 

“I just want to be normal,” He said, looking at the ceiling. “Why don’t I just get to be normal?” 

\---

“Bruce, you look a lot worse now,” Thor said, his eyebrows drawn together. “Look you’re practically gray, and you are shaking,” He said, holding onto Bruce tighter. Bruce just shrugged, burrowing under the covers. 

“Really, I’m worried about you,” Thor said, sitting up and disturbing Bruce’s cocoon. Bruce kept his eyes closed, allowing himself to be jostled around. “Bruce? Bruce are you awake?” He asked, his voice rising with concern. 

“Mhm,” Bruce said, staying in the same vaguely concerning position. Thor stared at him for a second before standing up. “Mm! Cold.” Bruce rasped, flinching away from the air. 

“We’re going home. Don’t move at all, I will get everything we need, I’m going to tell Loki now,” Thor said, picking up his hammer and tucking the blanket back around Bruce. “I will be back soon, and we will leave alright. Just… it’ll be okay, just lie here,” Thor said, kissing his head quickly. 

“Hm,” Bruce said, batting at Thor before Thor walked away. “Bye,” Bruce said, waving at him from under the blankets, making Thor laugh. 

“I’ll be right back,” Thor said, stepping out into the hall.  _ “LOKI!” _

“WHAT?” Loki yelled from across the hall. 

_ “We’re leaving, pack your stuff!” _ Thor yelled. Loki responded by slamming his bedroom door. “Great… thanks…” He said, turning around and then turning back.  _ “Meet me in my room!” _

“KAY!” Loki yelled. Thor grinned, turning back around and walking back into his room, pulling back the comforter and pulling Bruce up before he could react. 

“I- hey!” Bruce said, sitting up and then swaying to the side. “Whoa,” 

“Here come here,” Thor said, grabbing Bruce and wrapping his arm around his own shoulder. “We’re going home,”

“We are?” Bruce whispered. 

“Don’t talk. Yes we are,” thor said. “I have your bag, everything is packed. Do you need anything else?” he asked. 

“Notebook…” Bruce said. “The uh… I was writing… in the-” 

“I know which one, sit here,” Thor said, lowering him down to grab it and shove it haphazardly in the bag.  _ “Loki hurry up!”  _ He yelled around the door. 

“I’m  _ fucking _ comming, jeez,” Loki said, walking into the room. “I got all my books, can we please get out of here? I- whoa, Bruce looks dead. Is Bruce dead?” He asked. 

“Uh… maybe,” Thor said, shaking Bruce’s shoulder. Bruce opened his eyes, giving him a half hearted glare. “There he is! Uh, yeah we’re going home,” Thor said. “Don’t let anyone know,” 

“Who would I tell?” Loki asked. “I thought you were going to go around and see some of the warriors you fought with before departure,” Loki said. 

“Well, my plans have changed,” Thor said. “Besides, upon further reflection, they are all douchebags!” Thor said. Loki shrugged, setting down his bag. 

“Alright, I’m going to use the illegal wormhole spell thing, you might want to stand back,” Loki said. 

“Alright, here Bruce,” Thor said, throwing Bruce’s arm over his shoulder, standing back. “By the way, it is very important that you hold on to me while we travel, or else you may turn into a mushroom,” 

“I- what?” 

_ “Here we go!” _

\---

“-Because I was fine before,” Peter said. “That’s the problem! I was okay before, I just need to get a grip and it’ll be fine. I just need to get to the point where I can  _ deal _ with it again,”

“What do you mean by ‘deal with it again’ Peter?” Pepper asked. 

“I just… I feel like I am losing control,” Peter said, shaking his head. “I feel like I should be able to force myself to focus, and I could before… it’s just when I think about doing that again I feel like crying,” Peter said, looking down.

“Well what if you didn’t force yourself to,” Pepper asked. “What if you just… are okay with not being able to focus or be okay with being hyper and then work with up instead of just having a power struggle constantly,”

“But I shouldn’t  _ have _ to,” Peter said. 

“Peter you know Wade right?” Tony asked. Pepper raised an eyebrow, unsure of where Tony was going. “You remember how you were telling me how you thought he would be a lot happier if he would take medication?” Tony asked. 

“Yeah,” Peter muttered. 

“And remember how you were telling him that he couldn’t just ignore it or he would be miserable and get sicker?” Tony asked. Peter glared at him. 

“...yeah…” Peter said. “But that’s different-” 

“No! Peter would you like me to write it in blood? You can’t control it. And you never could, you just got good at hiding it,” Tony said. “Please just… Pepper, how do I make him get it? This is not the side of the conversation I am used to!” He said. 

“How about this, how about we just  _ try _ it our way first,” Pepper said. “We’ve tried your way, and it doesn't look like it’s working out very well for you, so let’s just do it our way now, and then if it doesn't work either we can regroup,” She said. “Can you do that for us?” 

“I don’t think it will work,” Peter said. 

“You don’t need to,” She said. He looked at both of them for a second, before sighing. 

“I can try, that’s all I can promise,” Peter said, shrugging. 

_ “Yes!” _ Tony said, pumping his fist. 

“Cool, can we eat now?” Peter asked. “I’ve been hungry for at least two hours, I just-” 

“Oh my gosh Peter you can’t do that with your metabolism,” Pepper said. “I’ll order something,” 

“Thank you!” 

\---

“Um, is this true?” Clint asked, squinting at his phone. “This can’t be true,” 

“What can’t?” Natasha asked, looking over his shoulder. “Midtown tech to open on september first?” She asked. “Masks recommended but not… required?” 

“Isn’t this against the law?” Clint asked, tilting his head. 

“They’re a private school, they need a direct letter from the governor,” She said, shrugging her shoulders. “Oh  _ yeah _ I forgot you’re undercover there,”

“The kids in my class are wearing masks,” Clint said. “I can  _ sew _ them!” He said. “I should start now,” 

“MJ better know that she’s wearing a mask,” Natasha said. “Although I think that she’d probably be the one handing them out,” 

“That’s true,” He said, laughing. “Oh shit I have to teach right?” He said. “That’s… I’m not functional I- I don’t know anything about history…” Clint said. 

“Yeah, I know,” Natasha said. “Don’t think about it like teaching, think about it as… part of being a spy,” She said, patting his shoulder. 

“Mmph,” He said. “We need to enroll Loki in school,”

“Do we?” She asked. “Because that sounds like an awful idea,” She said. “I mean… he’s going to end up destroying the school,” 

“He’s going to join the theater program and sulk in the corner,” Clint said. “I wonder if we can get him to join decathlon team,” 

“MJ wouldn’t ever forgive you,” She said. “Speaking of, I hope they are getting back soon, I’m kinda worried about him. I don’t know if he’s eating enough,” 

“Well Loki texted me that they were headed back and to watch out for wormholes, so I think it should be soon-” Clint said, cut off by someone screaming. “Friday what was that?” 

“It would appear that Loki just intentionally opened a wormhole in Sam Wilson's shower,” She said. 

“Right on cue,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So midtown tech is sorta based off what my old school is doing. Even tho WA state is pretty strict about masks and stuff (at least near Seattle) they got away with making them optional... idk how. ANYWAY... here you go. I will do my best to update tomorrow but I have a 8 hour road trip so we'll see! Love you all!


	106. In which your author has no more fucks to give

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this on a 8 hour road trip with my family so... moderate your expectations.

“Loki sit down and finish the sandwich and then we are talking about Asgard,” Clint said, handing him a plate. 

“But-” Loki said. 

“Eat first,” Clint said, handing him the first half of the sandwich. Loki narrowed his eyes, taking a bite. “Alright. Fine, go ahead,” 

_ “I think I killed Bruce!” _ Loki said, setting down the sandwich. Natasha raised her eyebrows, sitting on the table. 

“Explain,” She said, taking a sip of water. 

“I- okay Thor decided that for some reason it would be safer to bring Bruce with him and stuff, and then Bruce acted like Bruce and kept talking and stuff and then… he told me to do a spell thing and… I dunno because like I made this spell for Thor and you know how  _ big _ my brother is. Well spells don’t work proportionately, it’s like there is one dose and it was designed for Thor and I think I just killed Bruce!” Loki said, putting his head in his hands. Clint patted his back. 

“Well, Bruce can toughen up a little bit,” Natasha said. “Now eat that sandwich for me, what all did you even eat on asgard?” 

“Almost nothing,” Loki said. “I try to avoid meat, and I always avoid uncooked organs,” He said, pushing his peanut butter and banana sandwich. It was Clint's favorite, meaning that it was always made when he was allowed to provide the food in any kind of tense situation. 

“Eat,” Clint said, pushing the plate closer. 

“I can’t, I feel sick and I have barely eaten any,” Loki muttered, resting his chin on his arm. 

“You’ll feel better if you eat,” Clint said. “Here, there’s apples too,” He said, pushing them towards him. Loki shook his head, pushing it away again. 

“I’m going to be sick,” He said. 

“All you have had is one bite,” Natasha said. “You feel sick because you haven’t eaten, take three bites and then you can be done,” She said. 

“If I throw up I will not be happy,” Loki said. 

“Talk while you chew,” 

\---

“I can’t believe they want to send us back,” MJ said, leaning against Peter. 

“None of the schools in wakanda are even thinking about opening until we get a vaccine, but we are not yet even close,” Shuri said, shaking her head. 

“My dad made one, but the CDC is keeping it as quiet as they can before they know for sure. Apparently they have a history with him,” Peter said, messing with MJ’s hair. 

“And my dad's teaching,” MJ said, shaking her head. “We’re all gonna die,” 

“At least he’s teaching from wikipedia, it’ll be easy to cheat on a test,” Peter said. 

“Oh hold on, I just got a text,” MJ said, rolling over and grabbing her phone. “Loki’s back!” 

“He is?” Peter asked, sitting up. “He’s  _ alive?” _

“Well he is, but it sounds like Bruce is struggling,” MJ said. “Hah look how grey he is here,” 

“Oh wow, is he alive?” Shuri asked. 

“I’m gonna go say hi,” MJ said, jumping up. “Do either of you have buckets of ice water?” 

“No but we put a giant mixing bowl down for Tessa,” Peter said. “You can use that,” 

“Perfect,” She said. “Oh shit, I was supposed to feed Lucky today,” She said. “I’m going to go before Clint remembers,” 

“Who is Lucky?” Shuri asked, tilting her head. 

“Oh Clint found a random yellow lab and decided to keep it. He was like, it had something to do with his brother, i donno,” MJ said, shrugging. “Anyway, he’s pretty cool, he’s a spy too, so he knows how to get in and out of vents so sometimes he falls into my bathtub,” She said. “It’s not my favorite,” 

“I need to meet this dog,” Shuri said, standing up. 

“Alright,” MJ said. “Peter you wanna come?” She asked. 

“Sure, I wanna eat your food,” Peter said. “Every two weeks my mom and dad decide to be healthy for like three days and I don’t eat green things,” He said. 

“Does anyone eat that willingly?” Shuri asked. “In Wakanda we color the food for the children,” 

“Why don’t we live in Wakanda?” MJ asked. “Why isn’t this what America is?” 

“Have you met anyone in america?” Shuri asked. “That’s why,” 

The three of them made it upstairs to Clint and Nats place, burping loudly through the door, making Lucky, who had been trying to lick all of Asgard off of Loki, go into conniptions of joy. Loki looked massively relieved to see them there, waving to them. 

“Loki you need to tell us  _ everything,” _ MJ said, sitting on the table. 

“Peter do you want the other half of Loki’s sandwich?” Clint said, holding it out to him. 

“Yes please!” 

\---

“Have you seen Steve?” Bucky asked, swinging into Sam's office. “Ew, why are you making that face?” 

“Why is your face like that?” Sam retorted. “I haven’t seen Steve anywhere,” He said, typing something. “Why?” 

“When he’s been gone for more than three hours it usually means he’s starting something, and as it turns out, there is a lot more to start in this melinia,” Bucky waid, shaking his head. “Whatever, I’ll get Tony to look at the security cameras,” 

“Uh, have you looked out the window?” Sam asked, pulling back the blinds. Bucky followed him, pushing him slightly out of the way, making Sam glare at him. 

“Shit-” Bucky said, shaking his head. 

“that’s him with the bull horn I assume?” Sam asked, looking back. 

“Yep,” Bucky said, throwing on his jacket. “I’ll be right back,”

“Take your time,” Sam said, rolling his eyes. Bucky flipped him off while walking out. “I appreciate that,”

“Fuck you!” 

\---

Thor was lying on his back, throwing a bouncy ball at the ceiling with one hand while absently flipping through the TV with the other. Bruce had long since gone to bed, but only on the condition Thor didn’t just hover over him the entire time. So Thor was hovering from a distance. It was just very hard for him to leave well enough alone. 

Which is when Peter came in. 

“Mr. Thor sir?” Peter asked, knocking. Thor jumped up, opening the door immediately and stepping into the hallway. 

“Hello Peter. Brue is asleep,” Thor said, assuming he had wanted to talk to him about science. 

“Cool… uh… I really don’t know how to explain this to you,” Peter said, taking his backpack off his shoulder. “But… this is Toast,” He said, starting to unzip the backpack. 

“You brought toast?”

“Not toast,  _ Toast,” _ Peter said. 

“Ah yes, that clears it up, thank you for the explanation,” Thor said sarcastically. He was working on being less literal. “I really- what is that?” he asked. 

“Toast!” Peter said, handing him a ball of fur. “He used to be my friend's cat, but after she… you know… well I ended up with them and Tessa really struggles with cats so… here you go,” Peter said. 

“It is so soft,” Thor said, matter of factly while the cat mewled in his hand. 

“And Bruce loves cats. He used to have some when he was younger,” Peter said.”I don’t know why he stopped, maybe the hulk… but he needed a home, and you guys didn’t have any pets yet so…” Peter said, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Uh- if you don’t like him I can… I donno, I guess I could take him to the shelter,” Peter said. 

“That will not be necessary,” Thor said. “One quick question, Peter,” He said. “Why isn’t the cat… saying anything?” 

“Um… what?” Peter asked. 

“Well, I have Allspeak, I can hear and speak to animals,” Thor said. “And yet, when this cat meows, he is actually saying ‘meow’ and I am very confused.” 

“Toast is special. She found him in a random dumpster and he’s always been a little off,” Peter said. “But he’s also fluffy,” 

“That he is,” Thor said, watching the cat make a valiant effort to attack his hair, after having crawled up on his shoulder. “Thank you, Peter,” Thor said. He was also working on first names. Apparently titles were less common here. 

“Your welcome!” Peter said. “Uh… if Bruce asks, just tell him about my dead friend for awhile and he’ll say yes to anything,” Peter said. “He gets uncomfortable very quickly,” 

“Thank you for the advice,” thor said. Peter nodded, awkwardly picking up his backpack and scuttling away on the wall. “Well hello Toast,” He said, picking up the cat. It wasn’t a kitten by any means, but he seemed like he was on the smaller side. Especially if you factor out the fur. 

The cat meowed again, making Thor furrow his eyebrows again at the lack of words. He wasn’t used to this and it was frankly making him very uncomfortable. “I suppose I should feed you huh?” He said, stroking it’s head. “Or… I don’t know. We’ll figure it out,” He said. The cat practically nodded, swiping at his hair again. 

“Lesson number one; my hair is sacred,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so motion sick while writing this but i don't really care...
> 
> also, you know what endometriosis, IBS, Slipping rib syndrome, a fever (idk why) heatstroke, motion sickness and tension headaches worse? Road trips! Yaaay... 
> 
> Yeah I think i am just gonna go die.


	107. Bruce... meet Toast!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce has mixed feelings about Toast...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey? Hey you? 
> 
> ...
> 
> enjoy this chapter

Bruce was not getting better by any stretch of the imagination. In fact he was feeling significantly worse, with the fun addition of an intense headache and light sensitivity, however, now that he was home, he was committed to making up for the time he had lost while he was away from the lab. Thor did not like this line of thinking, which he started repeatedly. And loudly. 

“You are  _ ill _ and you are not helping it at all by continuing to push yourself!” Thor said, grabbing Bruce by the shoulders and dragging him back to the sofa. “Stay here!” He said, kissing Bruces head.

“Mm,” Bruce hummed, narrowing his eyes. 

“I don’t care if you don’t like it, you are gonna do it and it’s going to make you feel better,” Thor said, nodding matter of factly. “Now lie down, I have a surprise,” 

Bruce raised his eyebrows. He had not historically found Thor's surprises to be nice. Or safe for that matter, so he was the cause of the black box being placed in front of him. 

“Open it quickly!” Thor said. Bruce shrugged, removing the lid and freezing. “His name is Toast!”

“Thor,” Bruce rasped. “This is-” Bruce stopped to cough into his elbow, shifting the  _ cat _ to his other hand. “A cat…”

“Don’t talk my word!” Thor said, shaking his head, “Please stop talking, you will make yourself a lot sicker,” He said, sitting next to Bruce with his arm around him. “Look! He is a little special…”

“What does th’t-” Bruce started, looking at the cat. Thor wrapped his arm all the way around Bruce to cover his mouth. 

“He doesn't talk like normal cats,” Thor said. “There’s nothing coming out of his mouth, he’s just saying ‘meow’. I am going to get Wanda to help me look in his mind to see if he has… thoughts,” He said, not removing his hand from Bruce’s mouth. 

“Mmpf!” Bruce said, swatting at Thor. Shockingly Thor won that fight, ending with Bruce practically sitting on Thor's lap, which was not in Bruce’s plan. Not that he was complaining. Well… he was complaining, he just didn’t mind. “Mh!” 

“I know. Look at Toast though! He keeps trying to eat my hair!” Thor said, shaking the cat slightly. The cat fell over. “It is alive right?” Thor asked. “I’m sure it’s fine. Anyway! Let's go back to bed, you look like you are going to pass out,” 

Bruce shook his head, but he really did not look like he was in much of a place to argue with… anything. Thor just shrugged, finally removing his hand from Bruce's mouth and pulling them both down so Bruce was lying on Thor on the sofa. Toast seemed to see his opportunity with Thor lying down, moving to the sofa arm and taking a mouthful of his hair. Not chewing it, just… holding it in his mouth. 

“Wh-” Bruce started. 

“I will put my hand back over your mouth if you keep talking,” Thor said, kissing Bruce’s head. “I love your hair like this, it’s so fluffy,” Thor said, running a hand through his hair. 

“Mmpf,” 

“No it’s a good thing!”

\---

“Okay, we can’t get a good workout for you using weight, you know that,” Tony said, sitting down next to him. 

“Uh huh,” Peter said, nodding his head. 

“But I think we can get you on cardio. You usually get at least a little winded if you swing around for too long, right?” Tony said.

“I mean… yeah. It usually takes several hours though,” Peter said, looking apprehensive. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to stick you on a treadmill for hours and hours at a time,” Tony said, messing up Peters hair. “Oh yeesh, how much gel did you put in there?” 

“It doesn't matter,” Peter said, batting away his hand. 

“Ugh,” Tony said, wiping his hand on the sheets. 

“Dad! Those are worth more than my entire net worth!” Peter said. “They are like a thousand dollars!” 

“First of all they are 2,400$ shelf price, but I got some customizations to help you thermoregulate, so now about 7,000$” Tony said. “And with the addition of your Wet Lime Xtreme, it is now worth 7,ooo and 4.17 dollars!” Tony said. 

“Eeh!” Peter said, jumping up off the sheets. “I’m never sleeping on those again!” 

“Oh come on, Peter don’t worry about it, I spend money for fun,” Tony said. “Oh- Peter come back I wasn’t trying to-” 

“No no, it’s fine, I’ll listen from up here,” Peter said, sitting skittishly on the ceiling. 

“Come on Pete, you’re my kid, you know I like using money to show my affection,” Tony said. “Alright, fine you can stay up there,” Tony said, shaking his head. 

“Thank you,” Peter said. “So, what were you trying to tell me?”

“It has been found that those with ADHD have significantly less dopamine in their brains, so what we want to try and do is increase it through external variables, as opposed to something like medication. Dopamine helps with keeping you focused and thinking clearly and linearly,” Tony said. “I still don’t have anything to work on object permanence for you uet, but we’ll get there I’m sure,”

“So how do I get the exercise?” Peter asked. 

“Well, I call it the spiderweb…” 

\---

“Steve get  _ off _ the car!” Bucky yelled, walking through the crowd of people cheering Steve on. “You are  _ not _ dismantling the Trump hotel!” He said. 

“We have no choice!” Steve started. 

“We do… we do actually have a choice- okay, come on Steve,” He said, grabbing Steve's arm. Thankfully he had the foresight to grab him with his vibranium arm, pulling him off the car. “Party’s over people!” He yelled at the crowd.

“Buck come on!” Steve said. “I was just- did you bring Puddles?” He asked, looking at the leash in Bucky's hand. 

“Yeah he’s right- uh oh,” Bucky said, looking at the empty color. “Well shit,” 

“Where did he go?” Steve asked. 

“Well if I knew I would have him,” Bucky said.

“Well where would he go?” Steve asked, looking around. “He isn’t very fast, I am sure he is around here somewhere,” 

“I am sure he’s in New York somewhere,” Bucky said, throwing his arms up. 

“See, here he is,” Steve said, looking under a poorly parked car. “It was probably too hot for him out here. Come here Puddles!” Steve said, pulling the sleeping dog out, where he rolled over. 

“Are we carrying him back then?” Bucky asked, running a hand through his hair.

“No. But you are,”

\---

“So it’s like a spider web made out of rope?” Peter said, following Tony to the room. 

“Not… exactly,” Tony said. “Think more like eighteen spiderwebs intersecting each other over and over,” Tony said. “The idea is you work on agility and cardio without having to do something boring like running,” Tony said.

“Whoa,” Peter said, looking around. “It’s so big!”

“Yep. Wanted a little room your your hyperactive spider butt,” Tony said, gesturing around.”And the walls are padded, so if you hit them really hard it shouldn’t break the wall  _ or _ any of you,” Tony said. “There’s a bunch of crazy shit you can use in here, I think there’s a machine that shoots balls so you can work on reflexes and stuff,” 

“Wow…” Peter said, looking up. “When did you-” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Tony said before Peter could finish. “The point is that I hope this will be able to help you get the exercise we’re looking for,”

“But-” 

“If it doesn't work then we can just try something else, no harm no foul,” Tony said. “And hey, it’s still a pretty awesome jungle gym even if it doesn't work,” He said. 

“It is kinda like a jungle gym/rope course hybrid huh?” Peter said, tilting his head, before turning back to look at Tony. 

“What? What’s that look for? That’s how you look in the lab kid I don’t think I like-” 

_ “You’re it!” _ Peter yelled, tagging Tony. 

“Oh it is  _ on _ now spiderkid,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a ~migraine~ 
> 
> but on a happy note I and staying in a mini castle next door to the keeper (who lives in a bigger castle) and he has a pug that sounds like a gremlin. 
> 
> (idon'tneedanotherdogidon'tneedanotherdogidon'tneed-)


	108. BLOOD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eagling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, my spell check does not work out here, so you get what you get. sowwy

“Tony have you seen Peter?” Pepper asked. “I need to get him some school clothes, and I assume he wants to come with,” 

“Yeah, he got too hot using the giant playground I built so he’s hanging off the balcony,” Tony said. Pepper drew her eyebrows together,

“Okay…” She said, stepping out onto the balcony. “Peter I-  _ oh my gosh get off! You can not hang by your feet!” _ She said, dragging him back up. “That is a 500 story drop!”

“But I’m sticky! It’s fine- ow,” Peter said, being placed on a chair indoors. 

“Your face is all red, let me get you a glass of water,” She said. “Friday can you turn up the AC please?” She asked. 

“Of course Ma’am. Peter Parker is not in imminent danger, but it should be noted that his temperature is above 100 degrees fahrenheit,” Friday said. 

“Do you have a fever?” She asked, setting the water down. Peter shook his head, taking asip. 

“No, I just can’t… thermoregulate?” He asked, looking at Tony for the pronunciation. Tony nodded at him, making Peter smile.

“Yeah his body temp goes way up. It’s not great, but on the plus side that means that the room workout room is working,” Tony said, smiling. 

“Well there are worse things in this world,” Pepper said, putting a hand on his forehead. “I want you to come shopping with me, if you have to go back to school I would like for you to at least have something other than science sweaters,,” She said. 

“What else would I wear?” Peter asked, tilting his head. Pepper laughed, ruffling his hair. 

“That's going to be a long trip, huh?” Tony asked. 

“Alright, let me introduce you to this new idea called tee shirts…”

\---

“So aside from the shit with Bruce, how was Asgard?” MJ asked, sitting down next to Loki on his bed, fully aware that their parents were most likely listening to them through the ceiling or something equally spy-ish and creepy. 

“I don’t know,” Loki said, leaning against the headboard. 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” MJ asked. 

“It’s just… after earth it was already weird to go back and forth, like a culture shock both ways,” Loki said. “But back then I was doing everything in my power to avoid actually talking to humans so it was easier,” 

“But then our parents do what they do best,” MJ said. “Find malnourished angry teens and adopt them,”

  
Well that’s exactly my point,” Loki said. “The entire time I was thinking about how different it was. When I spoke at the table with Odin and when I spoke with Clint, or when I walked around New York or when I walked around Asgard,” Loki said, tugging his hair into a half bun. 

“How was it different up there?” she asked. 

“I can’t explain it. Like- take my brother for example,” He said. “Before we came to earth he was the perfect Asgardian. Blonde and buff with a big head full of nothing,” Loki said. 

“Geeze, keep complimenting him and it’ll get weird,” She said, rolling her eyes. 

“No really! That is what everyone wants to be on Asgard. And now that he has lived here they think he is a disappointment because he is saying things like free the slaves and let old people retire,” Loki said. 

“Slaves-” 

“We’ll get there in a second. But like, if Odin came across a teenager in a homeless shelter like Clint did with you, he would have asked why it had yet to be killed. It’s like… the entire atmosphere is different. There brains do not work like normal people should,”

“But the slaves-” 

“Were people captured a couple thousand years ago. Thor did something with our sister to make sure she releases them as soon as possible. Odin put them in there in the first place so the idea of him possibly releasing them is out of the question,” Loki said. 

“We are talking about this later,” MJ said, narrowing her eyes. “But like… how different are Clint and Odin or whoever?” She asked. 

“Well, have you ever heard of the term ‘blood eagle’?” Loki asked. 

“Hold on, I'm googling it,” She said, pulling out her phone. 

“Wait-” Loki said. “Wait I take that back! That was a joke! I really- well-”

“Blood eagling… this is some stuff about vikings, I’m clicking on it,” She said, holding up a finger to prevent any protest.

“Michelle I really don’t think that you should-” Loki started, half heartedly trying to grab her phone. 

“Vikings curly tortured their enemies… oh they worship your dad…” MJ said, trailing off. “Loki did they do this to you?” She asked quietly. For perhaps the first time in their conversations they were both completely serious. 

“I really don’t think that it is all that relevant to the current discussion, remember how we were talking about Clint…?” Loki said, rubbing his neck. “MJ?” He asked after she stayed completely silent. 

“I’m getting mom and dad,” She said, still staring at her phone. 

“No! Michelle you  _ can’t _ you- do you know how they will-” 

“Loki do you see this shit?” She asked, holding up the gruesome picture. “It’s- I need to tell them,” She said decisively.

“Michelle…” Loki said. 

“Don’t  _ call me that _ and move out of my way!” She said, shoving aside the arm he had put up in an attempt to keep her in. 

“If you tell them I will tell them that you-” 

“Loki nothing you say can be worse than this! Even if they just thought about it!” She said. 

“MJ please you can’t…” 

“Friday call mom and dad in here please.” MJ said, looking him directly in the eye. 

“Of course. They have been informed it is an emergency,” Friday said, sounding somber. Not a minute later both of their parents burst through the door at almost exactly the same time. 

“What’s going on? Is everyone okay?” Clint asked, looking between them. 

“Friday already said they hadn’t gotten hurt,” Natasha said, rolling her eyes. “Guys what’s going on?” 

Loki and MJ looked at each other for a beat, sizing up the situation. 

“Well I’m not telling them,” Loki said finally. 

“Something happened…” 

\---

“Toast,” Thor whispered. “Bruce is asleep. I need you to get off my hair now so we can move him,” He said. 

Toast meowed at him, swatting at his hair again. “I know it’s fun but we talked about this,” Thor said. “And I know that talking isn’t a strong point for you,” 

Toast continued to knead the sofa and eat his hair, not moving in the slightest. “I really don’t want to use force on you,” He said. 

Getting no response he picked the cat up, setting him on the coffee table, where he sat for a moment, before falling over, still in the sitting position. “Great,”

He looked at Bruce for a second before moving. As adorable as his boyfriend looked  _ literally _ curled up on his chest snoozing away, he couldn’t help feeling overwhelmed with guilt. He hadn’t been dating bruce long, but they had been friends for years and he had never seen him like this. 

Infact, he was fairly sure he hadn't even seen the man admit to being sick, tired, or in any kind of pain. Even post hulk when he couldn’t keep his eyes oven to save his life he would insist he could keep fighting. So to see him completely accepting of being taken care of was unnerving to say the least. 

He sighed, feeling awful about disturbing him as he began to slowly stand up, easily lifting Bruce with him. Bruce didn’t wake up per say, but seemed to sense a lack of warmth because he clamped onto Thor with a weak grip. 

“Come on, it’s only a few feet to the bedroom,” Thor said. ‘Feet’ was another type of measurement that completely confused him, but he was working on it. He gently set Bruce on the bed after very nearly smacking his head on the doorframe. 

“Thor?” Bruce asked, tilting his head. “Ow,” 

“Sounds like your throat feels better,” Thor commented, changing into pajama bottoms. Even if Bruce didn’t sleep he wanted to keep him in bed as much as possible. It seemed to be that him being in bed with him severely helped the matter. 

“Yeah…” Bruce said. 

“Bruce Banner’s fever has risen by 0.2 degrees, making it 101.7 degrees in total,” Friday said.

“Probably just… i was sleeping,” Bruce said. “I’m… up know… i’m fine,” 

“No you’re not,” Thor said, sitting on the bed next to him. “It must have moved to your lungs. I’ve had this, it's not going away any time soon,” He said. 

“Well maybe-” Bruce started, running a hand through his sleep-mussed hair. 

“No. Lie down with me you only slept a few minutes,” Thor said, wrapping an arm around Bruce’s chest. 

“I’m fine,” Bruce said. 

“Just humor me,” Thor said, restraining Bruce further from getting up. He needed sleep to pull through this, and he needed someone to force him to do so apparently. 

“Fine,” Bruce said. “But tomorrow I’m going back to work,” 

“Sure you are…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so so sorry about how late this is! Wifi is super slow and my family keeps dragging me OUTSIDE which... ew. 
> 
> um... so I'm not going to discrube what blood eagling is... but if you google it... just don't go to images, kay? Kay. 
> 
> trust me, it's gross


	109. Loki does not want people to know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I told you mother fuckers not to google blood eagle. And what did you FUCKING do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy

“Loki…” Clint said. They had gone through the rushed explanation, not that they needed much more than the name to understand what had happened. It turns out that there wasn’t much that those spies hadn’t seen done. 

“Clint go with MJ,” Natasha said, her face blank. Clint turned around confused, to see that MJ had bolted out of the room a second ago. 

“But-” He started. 

“I have Loki, go,” Natasha said. Clint nodded, striding out in search of MJ. Loki looked cautily at her while she sat down on the bed. 

“On Asgard it wasn’t that big a deal…” Loki started. 

“I need you to take this piece of paper,” Natasha said, setting down a standard sheet of notebook paper on his nightstand with a pen. “And I need you to write down every single thing that was done to you us there,” 

“This is a completely unnecessary over reaction,” Loki said, shaking his head. 

“Unless you want to tell me about it right now, that is not a decision I can make without all the information, now is it?” She asked, pulling a leg underneath her. 

“Okay look, it did happen once or twice, but it isn’t as if I had not been given warnings beforehand. I did a few intelligent things and tried to get away with it, I already knew the punishment so no one but me is to blame,” Loki said.

“What did you do?” Natasha asked. Loki rubbed a hand across this face, shaking his head. 

“I- we had a disagreement over a plan of attack,” Loki said. “In Asgardian time it would have been little over three years ago. I did not think it wise to allow untrained boys to fight with us, me and Thor stated it was a liability to everyone,” Loki said. 

“And what happened?” Natasha asked. 

“He refused, so I rounded up every child my age or younger that would have been put in battle and took them somewhere safe with the women and children using a spell,” Loki said. “Alone with the disabled that had yet to be discounted. In reality the consequence would have been worse if my brother had not helped me some,” 

“And did they punish Thor?” Natasha asked.

“Well of course not, they couldn’t.” Loki said. “Odin could not look like he was losing control over my brother like that. Thor has been stronger than him since he was ten, Odin had to do everything he could to hide it,”

“So he took his anger out on you,” Natasha stated. The entire time her face remained unyielding. A perfect mask of emotions that even Loki could not read. 

“Well it made sense,” Loki said. “He needed Thor to be his golden child, and at the time Thor had no idea that there would be any repercussions at all,” Loki said. 

“And that was the first time,” Natasha said. Loki nodded. “What else happened?”

“The night before I left the time before last,” Loki said. “At that point there was no reason for any one of his actions. He worked entirely off perceived aggressions and disagreements,” 

“How did they keep you alive?” Natasha asked. Loki scoffed. 

“My father controls my sister, meaning he has complete control of the underworld. If he didn’t want someone dead they wouldn’t die. They could have stabbed me through the heart and I would never have passed because it would have taken away someone to pass the blame to,” Loki said, shaking his head.

“Alright,” Natasha said sitting up. “Here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to let Clint and MJ back in here and we’re all going to talk together, alright?” 

“Fine, what’s the worst that could happen, I already told you everything there is to tell,”

\---

“Mr. Wade I need you!” Peter yelled scuttering down the basement wall, making Wade jump. “Why are you so skittish?” 

“I donno, ask the demon on my wall-  _ oh wait,” _ Wade said, “What do you need?” 

“Well I need your help, but you need to actually not tell anyone this time, because I think it would break everyone in this tower if they knew what I am going to do,” Peter said. 

“What am I? Spiderman's sidekick? Wade asked. Peter looked at him sadly, lowering himself off the wall. “Wait- aw no don’t make that face, fine what do you need help with?” 

“Um… so there’s this guy…” Peter said. “And he kinda went insane, and I could handle him before and I still can but now there are going to be casualties and I really need help,” Peter said. 

“Alright, who’s the guy,” Wade said. “And are we stopping for food on the way?” 

“Of course we are stopping for food. His name is Otto Gunther, and he was working in this lab or something and he wanted to basically do what my powers did to me, which is give him the proportional power of an octopus using tech,” Peter said. 

“Alright… so?” Wade said. 

“Well tech is easy for me, because I can just hack it and stuff, but like… he turned to biology and I do chem and mechanics so I need to-” 

“What do you mean he ‘turned to biology’?” Wade asked. 

“He sewed eight giant octopus arms to his sides and connected the nevers to his nerves and the muscles to his muscles and basically I need you to help me evacuate a couple of places please?” Peter said. 

“Only if we get churros on the way,” 

_ “Yes!” _

\---

Loki was not  _ looking forward _ to Clint and MJ coming in, but he was thoroughly unprepared for it in a way he had not expected. He  _ had _ expected an uncomfortable conversation that went on too long, not to see his sister looking completely distraught.

She had pulled her hair out of the ponytail it had been in, and it was frizzy at the roots, a sign she had been running her hands through it, something she always did when she was upset. Her eyes weren't just red, but her entire face was blotchy and swollen and he had honestly never seen her look even remotely as scared as she was there. 

“MJ…” Clint said, giving her a ‘gentle’ push towards Loki while he sat on the floor by Natasha. 

“Michelle I-” Loki started, cut off by her  _ slamming _ into him. It was a habit that both of his siblings seemed to have picked up from somewhere. Not his favorite thing about either of them.

“I’m going too fucking kill all of them,” She muttered, making him laugh. 

“Well  _ you’re _ not,” Clint said. “Nat we should start packing,” 

_ “What?” _ Loki asked. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Natasha said, shooting Clint a look. “How about I order some food, both of you need to eat, I’ll turn something on,” She said. 

“But-” Loki started. 

“Can I come with you to Asgard?” MJ asked. 

“No one’s going to Asgard,” Clint said. “Go sit on the sofa,” 

“Fine,” MJ said, rolling her eyes. They ended up watching Clueless and eating Greek food because Clint was appalled that MJ nor Loki had had falofile before. Not even fifteen minutes in both kids had fallen asleep across their parents. 

“Clint we need to handle this,” Natasha said as soon as she was sure MJ was asleep. 

“We need to make sure it’s never happening again,” Clint agreed. “Feel like going on a trip?”

\---

_ “How foolish are you to attack ME? Doc Occ!” _ Doc Occ yelled, slashing his -disgusting- tentacles at Wade. “I will squeeze the life out of you!” 

“Uh huh, hold on I’m getting a text,” Wade said, holding up a finger. 

“Do you not understand the  _ mortal peril _ you are in?” The villain asked. 

“You can’t kill me in any way that matters. Have at it,” Wade said. “Aw  _ yes _ I get to babysit! I love corrupting children!” He said. “Speaking of…” 

_ “Spiderman! How did you survive?” _ The evil scientist roared. 

“Come on man, you’re like every walking trope ever!” Peter said, swinging in. “Wade can you believe this guy?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sleepy rn guys so sorry about misspellings.


	110. Not Wade! Please not Wade!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

Bruce should be better by now.

Well, Thor had taken much longer than that when he was cursed. And Bruce was shorter and thinner than him (not something hard to do) but it was just making Bruce so  _ miserable _ and it was so unnerving to Thor. Not that he wasn’t massively enjoying getting to snuggle with Bruce constantly. Which is what they should be doing right now because it was 2:47 AM. 

“You know you can always ask me to locate anyone in the tower,” Friday said. 

“Do you know where Banner is?” Thor asked, looking up. 

“I would check the lab,” Friday said. Thor cursed, running a hand through his hair. 

“Thank you, Friday,” Thor said, bolting out the door and down the stairs. “Bruce? Bruce!” Thor asked, running into the lab. He didn’t see Bruce right away, but he did manage to find Tony. 

“What are you running around for?” Tony asked, squinting at him. 

“Have you seen Bruce?” Thor asked. 

“I mean… I think he walked by a minute ago, why?” Tony asked. 

“He walked by two hours ago boss,” Friday said.

“Loki cursed him. He’s really sick and I thought he was sleeping,” Thor said, running around the lab. 

“Dummy go show him where to get Bruce,” Tony said, waving the robot. Thor followed the giant claw, leading him to a back corner of the lab where Bruce was completely immersed in whatever was laid out on the table. 

_ “Bruce,” _ Thor said, making Bruce jump. 

“Heeeey,” Bruce said, clearing his throat. “I just forgot-” 

“Follow,” Thor said, grabbing him by the wrist and stocking out of the lab. Bruce, to his credit, did  _ try _ and resist. It didn’t work for him in the slightest, and he ended up being dragged the entire way home. 

“I just forgot something very important-” Bruce paused to cough in his elbow. 

“You are related to Tony,” Thor commented, making Bruce shut up rather quickly. Any comparison to his siblings had a tendency to do that. “You need to go lie down,” 

“...I’m not even tired,” Bruce started. 

“Bruce it is the middle of the night and do not forget that I have had what you were cursed with. I know exactly how awful you feel, now go back and lie down,” Thor said. 

“But I-” Bruce started. Thor rolled his eyes, grabbing Bruce and dragging him back to the room, throwing him on the bed. 

“Stay,” He said. Bruce did not. “Fine, you give me no other option,” Thor said. 

“What- ow!” Bruce said as Thor flopped on top of him. “I’m fine,” 

“You sound real healthy,” Thor said. Bruce glared at him, trying for a minute to get himself un-pinned. It only took a few minutes for Bruce to give up and curl closer to Thor, albeit a bit grumpily. 

“I’m going to the lab tomorrow,” He finally muttered. 

“If you can stand up feel free,” 

\---

“No- okay, it’s just not a good idea,” Loki said from his death on the counter. “They will smite you on sight! And how do you even plan on getting there? I mean-” 

“Loki, this is our job,” Natasha said, packing the kitchen knives into her duffle bag. As you do. 

“I thought you worked for shield?” Loki said, tilting his head. 

“Don’t do that, you look like Peter and your hair falls in your face,” Natasha said, smoothing his hair away. 

“Shield thinks we work for them and we need to keep it that way,” Clint said. 

“Exactly. If they knew we were working against them they would have sent in a different agent to spy on Tony and we would have had to have killed them,” Natasha said. “Oh, don’t let me forget to file that fake report,” 

“What’s fake about it, I thought he wasn’t doing anything wrong,” MJ said from the sofa.

“He isn’t. But that’s not what shield wants to hear. We have this whole fake thing going on. He’s in the loop,” She said. 

“They are going to kill you,” Loki reminded them from the counter. 

“Only if they are alive to do it,” Clint said. 

“So do we get to stay here by ourselves?” MJ asked, closing her book. “Or do we have to go with Bruce again?” 

“Bruce is way too sick to watch you, and I don’t want to see Thor and Loki left alone, so I called someone I thought would be just as responsible,” Clint said. 

“Oh no, it’s Steve isn’t it?” She said. “Please say it’s not Steve,” 

“Ten minutes in you are going to be wishing it was Steve,” Natasha said. 

“What- who is it?” MJ asked. 

“I’m making pancakes before we go. Who wants pancakes?” Clint asked. 

“Your last meal?” Loki said. Clint smacked him with a spatula. “I’m still full from last night,”

“Bullshit. MJ?” Clint asked. 

“Not hungry,” She said. 

“Great, I'm making 50,” Clint said, opening two pancake mixes. “And whatever we don’t eat we can give to Peter,”

\---

“Okay Peter, oh shit your side looks bad,” Wade said, pausing. “Yikes,” 

“I’m fine, it’ll heal,” Peter panted. 

“Stay still, I need some of that white shit,” He said, looking around. 

“Do you mean bandages because those are still in the backpack,” Peter said, pressing his gloved hands to the injury.

“Yes! Those bitches,” Wade said, running to the backpack. “What  _ is _ this hat Peter-” 

“Can you get the damn bandages?” Peter asked. Wade rolled his eyes, throwing the roll to Peter. 

“I’m wrapping you up, last time you did it shit went down,” Wade said. 

“Well how should I have known that-  _ ow shit _ Wade that’s too tight!” Peter said. 

“I’m applying pressure fuck off,” Wade said. “You need to take the suit off,” He said. 

“If I take it off it’ll hurt,” Peter said, wincing. 

“Okay,” Wade said, ripping a giant hole in it. “I guess this works,” 

_ “Dude!” _ Peter yelped. 

“Come on, I know that this isn’t the suit iron-daddy made you,” Wade said.

“Don’t call him that, it makes me very uncomfortable,” Peter said. 

“Oh no! My top priority!” 

\---

“Wait- please don’t go,” Loki said while they made their way out the door. “Please you will end up killed,” 

“We can’t die, don’t worry about it,” Natasha said. Clint nodded. 

“They really don’t like humans up there… and how are you even going up anyway and-” 

“Loki, don’t worry about it, okay?” Clint said. “We’ll be gone for one day, we just need to take a look for ourselves,” 

“But  _ why?” _ Loki asked.”What could you possibly have to do up there?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Natasha repeated. “Come on, we need to drop you off,”

“Drop us off? Who’s watching us?” MJ asked. “Oh is it Peggy? Cuz I love her,” 

“I wouldn’t do that to you,” Natasha said. “Oh he’s out with Peter right now, okay, we’re leaving so we’re going down to his place,” 

They followed their parents down stairs. And downstairs. And still downstairs. Past not only everyone's apartments and offices but also the intern labs and other shit Tony thought was necessary. Including a full grocery store.

“This is the lobby,” MJ said while Clint pressed a button on the escalator. “Are we walking there?” 

“I mean technically,” Clint said. “Get in,” 

They filed into the elevator, which went ten times faster than it should have because Tony was an impatient man and he liked instilling fear in others. “This is the basement,” Loki said as they walked through the ancient abandoned labs. “We are not supposed to be down here,” 

“Oh- he isn’t watching us is he?” MJ asked. “I thought you  _ loved  _ us!” 

“He was the only one free that I thought would actually make sure you two eat. And Peter is here all the time, it’s not so bad,” Natasha said. “Just don’t touch anything that you think may have been Howards,”

“How do we tell?” Loki asked. 

“If you have to ask, assume you shouldn’t touch it,” She said. “Come on, Wade’s cave is this way,” 

“What  _ cave?” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Acording to my doctors I need MORE water then most people bc I have anhidrosis...
> 
> I was on a boat in 95 degree weather for 4 hours... 
> 
> and I have yet to drink a single glass of water. SELF CARE PEOPLE!


	111. This is here.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ummpa Loompa... doopady do... 
> 
> everythings on fire and nobody knows what to do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen it's a crime how short this is, but during most of the writing I almost had to go to the hospital. So be nice...
> 
> actually I don't care if you're nice just go into it knowing that.

“Okay I’m going to drop at your room, they left MJ and Loki in my cave,” Wade said.

“Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait!” Peter said, holding up his hand, the other one having been swung across Wade’s shoulders at the Mercs request after watching Peter trying to walk on his own. “You can’t take me back! Mr. Stark’s going to lose it!” He said. 

Wade sighed for an uncomfortable amount of time, dragging his feet.  _ “Fine _ you can stay with me, but I’m not getting in trouble for this,” 

“Thank you!” Peter said, bouncing. “Ow,” 

“For fucks sake stop it,” Wade said. “Oh fuck I sounded like Tony there for a second, all responsible and nurtiring,” 

“Last night I saw him try to make a fan where the blades were humans,” Peter said. “And Steve doesn't like swearing,” 

“Oh no! Did I offend someone?” Wade said. “I sure as  _ fuck _ wouldn’t want to do that!” He said, making Peter half heartedly smack at him. Resulting in Peter whimpering in pain. 

“I swear. ‘Watch this kid Wade’ ‘watch that kid Wade’ I’m gonna snap someday Peter,” Wade said. 

“I thought you already had,” Peter said. 

“Oh see now you’re just being an ass,” Wade said, rolling his eyes in his mask. “Come on let’s move,” 

“So I don’t have to go upstairs?” Peter asked hopefully. 

“Not yet. But you do have to show the other sticky gremlins I’m watching what they can’t touch,” Wade said.

“Mj’s my age, I think she’s past the whole ‘sticky gremlin’ age Mr. Wade,” Peter said.

“Walk downstairs or I’m throwing you,” Wade threatened. Peter rolled his eyes, opting to crawl down the ceiling instead. “Oh no, sure go ahead, I’m sure the ceilings  _ much _ safer,” 

“Shove it up your ass Mr. Wade!” Peter yelled, making Wade laugh. “Hi MJ hi Loki!” He yelled, having turned a corner so Wade couldn’t see them. He had a fairly good idea as to how Peter looked based on the shrinking. 

“Is that  _ blood?” _

It would be a long couple of days.

\---

Bruce woke up feeling significantly worse. The last time he had felt this sick was when he’d taken (or more overdosed) on potassium iodide under the excuse for trying to stop the Hulk. It hadn’t worked but it had made him sick for a month. 

Still, a deal was a deal, and he could technically stand, so no, he had not broken their agreement. Just because he almost passed out in the hallway did not mean that there was anything wrong with him taking ten minutes to catch up on the work he’d missed. 

“Bruce, dude,” Tony said, spinning around on his stool. “Not to be blunt but you look like the animals Peter brings home from the gutters at school,” 

“Thank you… so much Tony…” Bruce said. He refused to admit that his breath kept catching in his throat because he wouldn’t take medicine. His lungs were perfectly fine thank you very much.

“I have never seen a human look as gray as you are,” Tony said, hopping down off his stool. “Oh are you taller then me? That feels wrong,” Tony said.

“What- I’m going to go over there,” Bruce said, ignoring Tony. 

“Friday what’s his temperature?” Tony asked. 

“Bruce Banner’s internal temperature is 101.07 degrees,” Friday said. 

“Okay I know for a fact that you have worked with much higher fevers,” Bruce said when Tony opened his mouth. 

“I am fully comfortable with hypocrisy,” Tony said. “I’m calling Thor,” 

“No don’t, he’ll freak out,” Bruce said, rubbing his eyes. “Just… I just want to finish this thing and then I’m done, I swear,” 

“I have taken the liberty of giving Thor Odinson your location,” Friday chimed in. 

“Uh oh,” 

_ “BRUCE!” _

\---

“Okay, here’s the plan,” Peter said. They had all been in the corner of the cave, within a bubble that Wade had drawn, claiming it was the ‘safe area’. “MJ do you still remember what Natasha taught you about chloroform?” 

“Yep! I’ve got the bleach and the acetone,” She said, holding them up. 

“Alright, and Loki you’re got the rope?” Pete said.

“Yeah, but I still don’t understand  _ why _ we are sneaking out,” Loki said.

“I want to prove that we can,” Peter said. “Okay MJ we’re going to need a lot of that, he’s got the healing factor remember?” He said.

“I’m making a gallion,” She said. “Uh… well I’m eyeballing a gallion, it’s a lot,” 

“Sounds good- oh wait! You need to cover it or we’ll knock ourselves out!” Peter said. “I’ve done it before,” 

“It’s fine I’m putting it in a garbage bag,” She said, spilling about half of it. 

“I would guess that we should move quickly,” Loki said. MJ nodded, sprinting out of the room with the other two. 

\---

Things had gone almost exactly as planned, surprisingly. They knew Wade’s super healing and additional fast metabolism (Peter still hadn’t worked out if that was from his powers or just who he was) that they had to work quickly.

“Do you think that this is crossing a line or something?” MJ asked, looking up from the knot she was trying to do. “I mean this seems kinda out of hand,” 

“Wade finds these things funny as long as no one but him gets hurt,” Peter said, shrugging. 

“Well that’s the last of the rope, if there’s a time to go it’s now,” Loki said unsurly.

“Wait-” Peter said, stopping. “If we leave him tied up here, he can talk to friday, my dad and the rest of the tower will know in minutes,” 

“A gag?” Loki asked. 

“No I’ve seen him chew through those before,” Peter said. “Rope ones in fact,” 

“Ew,” MJ said. 

“So what do you suggest we do with him them?” Loki asked. 

“Simple… we take him with us,” Peter said.

“Full offense, that is probably one of the worst idea’s I have ever heard,” MJ said. “He’s  _ Wade _ , and besides, isn’t this whole thing a excuse to get rid of him?” 

“It’s more to establish dominance,’’ Peter said. 

“Oh yes, how much better,” Loki said. 

“Look I can carry him tied to the chair and still swing us no problem. We just need to find a place to lock him in without anyone finding us for awhile while the drugs wear off,” Peter said. “It’ll be great!” 

“What happens after?” MJ asked. She’d never gotten fully comfortable with  _ any _ of the men in the tower -also swearing that Bruce did not count- but Wade probably made her more uncomfortable then anyone. He wasn’t predictable and he was dangerous. 

“Wade will probably just chill and… I don’t know I just- here he’s going to wake up soon, let’s go!” Peter said. And while they both intended to persist more, it turns out that Peter was much  _ much _ stronger then either of them expected, and he had no problems picking the three of them up. 

“Peter you forgot your phone,” Loki said. 

“Uh… I probably won’t need it anyway,” He said, making MJ laugh. “What’s so funny?” 

“Up next of famous last words by Peter Parker,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I continue with the Wade plotline I would like to take this time to remind you that Wade is   
> 1) schizophrenic and non-medication complient. I might put something in the comments explaining the spicific symtoms I have given him.   
> 2) used to have a daughter. Like, one he actually tried to raise well and stuff.


	112. don't you hate it when children...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> into the unKNOOOOWN
> 
> (sorry that's been in my head, now it's in yours.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh... tw for deadpools existence here. Just... yeah...

MJ Peter and Loki found an abandoned warehouse, going full out kidnapper/villain vibe. Peter was admittedly one of the strongest avengers they had, but carrying the three of them with a bulky metal chair as well, while carrying all the weight on one shoulder happened to cause minor injuries. 

“Uh… Peter I do not think arms should look like that,” Loki said, drawing his eyebrows together. Peter looked down at his dislocated shoulder, shrugging and pushing it back in. 

“Peter that’s gross,” MJ commented. She’d made Peter stop at one of the only open bookstores for her to grab some novel she’d been engrossed in every sense. 

“My shoulders fine, it’s my side I’m worried about,” Peter commented. “I really should have stitched it up before swinging you guys,”

“I fucking told you to do that,” Wade said, making them all scream. 

_ “You’re awake?” _ Peter asked, jumping back, making Wade laugh. 

“I’ve been awake this whole time. You need to use more than chloroform on me,” Wade said, chuckling. “Your  _ faces _ what the shit!” 

“So why did you let us go?” MJ asked, narrowing her eyes.

“Don’t worry young Jenifer Beals-” Wade said. 

“Who?” they all asked at the same time. 

“How old are you, actually?” MJ asked, tilting her head. 

“Isn’t she in real estate?” Peter asked. 

“You know Beals are a kind of animal in Asgard,” Loki said. “They’re kinda like leeches. Is that what you were talking about? Because in that case I agree,” Loki said. Wade, who had apparently never been tied in to the chair in the first place, threw it at their heads.

“Okay we get it, you’re young,” Wade said, rolling his eyes. “So, why are we here?” He asked. “I mean I get it, teens try and establish dominance in weird ways, but this place specifically,” 

“We…” Peter said, trailing off to look at MJ. “uh…” 

“We needed somewhere we didn’t think Tony could find us,” Loki said, thinking on his feet. 

“Right…” Wade said, raising an eyebrow. “We got any food here?” 

“Uh… no.’ Peter said. 

“Well then why are we here?” Wade asked, sitting up. “I’m going to go find food,” 

“Wait-” Peter said, making them all freeze. “Um… well the thing is I was trying to go to a different warehouse, but my shoulder just popped out but then um… so I went to a more dilapidated one and…” 

“Hop. to. It. Peter.” Wade said, clapping his hands. 

_ “The floors are going to break!” _ Peter said. 

“So we should get out then,” MJ said, standing up. 

“Well-” 

\---

“Tony I need help,” Thor said, walking into the lab. 

“Bruce isn’t here,” Tony said, not looking up.

“No that’s not it,” Thor said, raking a hand through his hair. “Loki gave me chloroform so he’s asleep,” 

“I- kay, that’s cool,” Tony said, turning around. “What do you need help with?”

“I don’t know how to keep Bruce still,” Thor said. “I actually don’t know what to do. I kept holding him down and the moment I looked away he would be gone!” Thor said. “He keeps telling me that he feels fine but I know exactly how sick he is. In fact he’s way sicker,” 

“Okay…” Tony said.

“I just have no idea how to keep him safe,” Thor said, furrowing his eyebrows. “And I know that he’s miserable but I don’t know how to make him just rest and admit he’s sick!” Thor said, making Tony laugh. “What?”

“We have both known Bruce for at least eight years right?” Tony said. “When he’s sick or hurt, or after the Hulk,” Tony said. 

“Yes…” Thor said. 

“Have you ever seen him tell you that he needed help?” Tony said, leaning forward. “I did the blood tests when he got knocked out after the Hulk, he had a blood sugar level of 87 mg/dl. Do you have any idea how low that is?” Tony asked. 

“...no…” 

“That’s not the only thing. I was looking at some other files. Over the last eight years he has been subscribed Tegretol, a migraine medication, three times. He never called in the prescription,” Tony said. “Chronic migraines. And he never mentioned. If I hadn’t looked it up I would have had no idea,”

“Your point?” Thor said, furrowing his eyebrows. He was clearly taking notes in his head. 

“My point is there is no way that he is going to admit anything to you that involves him being in pain,” Tony said. “You need to trick him, manipulate him. Get him to stay still enough that he’ll fall asleep. You just need to wait it out,”

“But what if I can’t trick him. I’m not my brother,” Thor said. 

“MJ got him to believe that he was dead. Twice. It won’t take much just get him to believe that it will be worse for someone  _ else _ if he gets up,” Tony said. “He doesn't care about hurting himself, get him to feel bad about it,” Tony said, patting his shoulder. “You’ll figure it out, don’t worry,”

\---

_ “Where is everyone?” _ Wade yelled, standing up, completely ignoring the giant gash in his shoulder.  _ “Peter? Loki? MJ?” _ He yelled. Pivoting when he thought he saw some clothing. 

“Shit- please don’t be dead please don’t be dead please don’t be- hello!” Wade said, scooting the piece of metal out of the way. “Loki are you dead?”

“I don’t think so…” Loki said, sitting up. “I think I hit my head on the floor,” He said, touching a small cut. 

“Alright, don’t walk anywhere, I’m going to go make sure everyone’s alive,” Wade said. 

It didn’t take all that long to find the other two, they had all been standing fairly close together. They had fallen into maybe a ten foot pit together, MJ lying on top of Peter. Wade knelt down, holding a hand out to MJ so she could climb out. 

“Peter’s hurt!” MJ said when she caught her breath. “I don’t know I- I can’t tell what happened he- I don’t know I think he like- he grabbed me before I fell and- I heard something break and-” She said. 

“Whoa, here take a breath,” Wade said, flicking his eyes between MJ who was clearly panicking and Peter who was still in a crumpled ball. “Take a breath… are you hurt?” 

“I- I can’t tell I donno, I can’t feel anything,” She said, looking at him with wide eyes. 

“Shit- go to where Loki is uh…  _ Loki make sure MJ isn’t dying!” _ He yelled. Loki nodded and he helped MJ walk over. He noted that she was limping and definitely leaning on Loki. 

“Are you okay?” Loki asked. 

“I don’t know…” She whispered. 

“Okay- Peter are you awake?” Wade asked. Peter looked up slightly, before resting his head back on the stone hole. 

“Oh hey Mr. Wade,” Peter muttered. “I tried to grab MJ, is she okay?” He asked. 

“For fucks sakes,” Wade said, lowering himself down. “She’s no damsel in distress spider-ass. Your side isn’t even healed yet,” Wade said, making Peter giggle. “I’m going to have to lift you out, okay?” He asked. 

“Heh, that’s going to hurt huh?” Peter asked, still laughing. 

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck- okay, here you go,” Wade said, lifting him as delicately as Wade could lift anything. “I don’t think anyones getting there security deposit back on this place,” 

“I would have made that assumption when it collapsed, yes,” Loki snarked from the corner.

“Watch it buddy,” Wade said. “Do either of you know first aid?’ 

“Well they taught it to me on Asgard, but the last time I did it it turned a peasant into a goat so I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Loki said. 

“I’ve read some books!” MJ said, raising her hand shakily. 

“MJ you’re still in shock, Loki look for anything like a blanket for her, I’m worried about the fact that she’s soking on top of everything,” Wade said. “You have like no body fat, you’ll die fastest,”

“You know that could be triggering for someone right?” MJ asked. 

“Anyone that has suffered through this story is going to be desensitized to that shit at this point,” Wade said, confusing all of them. 

“Wade you’re going to scare them… they aren't used to you yet…” Peter said, lightly batting at Wade. 

“You need to stop fucking moving fucker,” Wade said, holding down Peter.

“No,” Peter said, sitting up. Surprisingly even with all his injuries he could easily overpower Wade. 

“Oh  _ fudge nuggets!” _ Wade yelled, looking at Peter. “What? The author thought if I swore to much it would make some of her readers uncomfortable,” 

“...sure Wade…” Peter said, patting his arm. 

_ “You _ need to stop moving,” Wade said, pushing him back down. “What’s wrong with you?” 

“I’m sorry would you like a list?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this chapter ready two hours after posting the last one but ao3 desided to glitch at 1 am so here we are.
> 
> Let me know how you feel about writing a Soft Wade tm. Idk I think it would be kinda cute bc of his daughter and stuff.


	113. Bruce is still sick... btw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't ask about the time frame between these two chapters being written. Just don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! I'm going to write a bunch more on the trip, so if I am lucky and can push through motion sickness, I should at least get two more chapters done! I mean I have 6 hours so...

Thor had done what Tony had said to a degree, but the entire idea of just manipulating Bruce into doing what he wanted felt wrong to him, no matter that it was in Bruce’s best interest. So Thor really hadn’t pushed the whole resting thing, just trying to keep him upstairs as much as possible. Until this last night. 

Bruce had gotten up with the excuse that he had heard Toast meowing and needed to check on him. Thor was pretty suspicious but was t0o groggy to state any of his concerns. It finally occurred to him that Bruce had been up for too long to just be checking on the cat so he got up to make sure nothing was wrong. 

“Bruce?” He called quietly. No one else could have heard them but he didn’t want to scare Bruce. He tended to be pretty jumpy about yelling and loud noises in general. 

Not getting a response he went about checking every room in the apartment, not finding Bruce. Finally he checked the bathroom attached to the bedroom, where Bruce was crumpled by the toilet. 

“Bruce?” Thor asked, kneeling down with a hand on his back. “Bruce come here are you okay?” He asked. 

Bruce was shaking against the wall, looking slowly at Thor. “M’ okay…” He muttered, making Thor sigh. 

“Okay come here,” He said, pulling Bruce against him. “You’re really sick Bruce, I know it’s okay,” He said, rubbing his back. 

“No no no… I’m okay it’s-” He paused, shivering again. 

“Shh, it’s okay,” Thor said, cutting him off before he could do anything else. “Do you want to go lie down?”

Bruce shook his head aggressively, holding onto Thor. “I uh…” Bruce started.

“We do not have to go,” Thor said, adjusting both of them to sit a little more comfortably. “We can stay here for a little while,” Thor said. 

“You should go back to bed,” Bruce said, shaking his head. “It’s… I’m fine…”

“I’m not leaving you alone,” Thor said. “You are ten times sicker than you are letting on, but I know how bad you feel because I have felt like this,” He said. “And you will be feeling worse,” 

“Really Thor I’m… I’m okay it’s… just forget it,” Bruce sighed, leaning away from him to rest his forehead on the toilet. 

“Come, you should lie down, it will make you feel better,” Thor promised. Bruce shook his head again, not bothering to respond verbally.”Bruce I am really really worried about you, I don’t know how I should help,” Thor said. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

“I don’t… I don’t think so…” Bruce said. He was still shaking hard against the wall. Hard enough that Thor was worried about him smacking his head that many times. 

“Please come lie down with me. I promise it will make things better,” Thor said. “And the cat will take our spot,” He said. He’d learned from being sick himself it was best to avoid any mention of food. 

“I don’t know if I can stand up, my… my vision is weird,” Bruce said finally. 

“That’s no problem at all, here,” Thor said, very gently cradling Bruce against him and walking slowly to the bedroom. He set him down on the edge of the bed, crawling back to the other side and pulling Bruce close. Making sure that his grip was loose so that he wouldn’t feel sick but tight enough that Bruce couldn’t just get away, even if Thor fell asleep.

“Sorry I’m being so difficult,” Bruce muttered into his shirt, making Thor pull away and look at him. “Thor?” 

“You are not difficult Bruce, you are hurting,” Thor said sincerely, making direct eye contact that he knew would make Bruce too uncomfortable to look away. “I whined like a baby when Loki cursed me, the fact that you can pretend to be normal for a second, especially when you have it worse then I did, makes you strong Bruce,” Thor said. 

Bruce just shrugged, shaking his head. “Eh,” 

“I just don’t want you to end up hurting yourself, it scares me,” Thor said, messing with Bruce's hair. 

“Well I’m sure I’ll end up fine,” Bruce muttered, only half distinguishable. 

“I know you will,” Thor said, kissing the top of his head. “Goodnight, Bruce,” 

\---

“Oh shit oh shit- is that bone?” MJ asked while Wade carried Peter over. A portion of the warehouse had not yet fallen down, creating a shelter about the size of a normal house. They could make it in relatively easily, there was not much metal in the way, it was getting out that would be the problem. 

“Probably,” Wade said, turning Peter over onto his back once he was set down. “Shit- we don’t have any food do we?” He asked. 

“Uh… no…?” Loki said from the corner. He had reported that MJ had a bad sprain but nothing else. 

_ “Fuck- _ okay this is fine, we are all fine,” Wade said, continuing to mutter some pretty creative curse words under his breath. 

“Why? What’s wrong?” MJ asked, grabbing Loki’s hand. For once Loki didn’t act above all affection ever, as he seemed almost as freaked out as she did. 

“He did some stupid...stuff… earlier, we had to fight some octopus guy and he got a big slash wound on his side. He’s not going to have the energy to heal at all without food,” Wade said, rubbing his eyes. “Further more, because he has already used up his fucking callories and has his weirdo spider matabilizom then he… well he can’t go long without food,” Wade said. 

“What are we going to do if we can’t find anything?” Loki asked. MJ raised an eyebrow at Wade. 

“Wade no. No that’s so  _ wrong _ you can’t…” MJ started, trailing off. 

“Not unless he’s on the brink of death,” Wade said, looking at Peter. 

“Wait what are you talking about?” Loki asked, trying to wipe the dirt off his face. 

“Come on Loki, you need to embrace the dirty hobo look,” Wady said, trying to deflect. 

“Peter mentioned that Wade made this plan with him, and I always assumed that it was a joke, or that there was never a time when they would actually need to use it, but now they might need to use it and I don’t even want to think about it because it’s so gross,” MJ said quickly, shuttering. 

“Wait… you wouldn’t…” Loki started, looking at him in massive concern. “That would be…” 

“First off yes it would technically be cannibalism, but not really because I would still be alive. But I am sure it won’t come to that, we just need to find a way out,” He said. 

“It’s no use, the only one who can lift anything here is Peter and he does not seem to be in any kind of state to do so…” Loki said, looking at the teen sprawled awkwardly across the floor. “I could try to use magic to send a message but it would not be reliable and I would have a very hard time controlling it from down here,” 

“Well what should we do then?” MJ asked, tightening her grip on Loki’s hand to the point it had to be painful for both of them.

“We need to wait,” Wade said, sitting down. Both of the alert teens looked at him like he was the absolute stupidest thing ever. 

“Well we need a way for people to know they should come looking for us!” MJ said. “Our parents are out of town! On a different planet!” 

“But my brother knows that Peter has been gone for almost ten hours now,” Wade said. “And anyway, Friday will send out an alert if we are gone for more than a day. With the cameras Tony has it won’t take him long once he starts looking,” 

“Holy shit we’re gonna die down here,” MJ said, letting go of Loki to pace around. Loki shook out his hand with a grimace, looking to Wade for help. 

“Keep an eye on Peter,” Wade said, springing up. He found MJ pacing behind some dilapidated boxes in the corner and tried his best to look like he knew what to say. Luckily he wasn’t in charge of talking first.

“This is insane. I mean… things like this don’t just  _ happen _ I- there didn’t look like there was even anything wrong with this place at first! I mean places don’t just fall down because someone stood on them once! This… this can’t be real it's too… it’s too far fetched for any of it…” She said. Wade quickly caught on that she had no plans of taking a breath anytime soon, so he grabbed her shoulders to stop her from pacing. 

“Hey, look at me,” Wade said. “We’re going to try that again, but with breaths this time. You know those fuckers, you go in and then out. Feel like trying?”

Okay, maybe not as comforting as he had hoped, but it seemed to get the point across to MJ because she finally stood still, taking a breath and then looking at him. It was not lost on him that unlike Loki and Peter, MJ really had zero experience when it came to dumb superhero shit. Sure Loki looked pretty shaken up, but MJ was beyond that.

“Alright. Ten points for not passing out,” Wade said, clapping. She shot him an annoyed look, making him laugh. At least that part of her was like herself. “Okay… good! That was good!” He said, bouncing like it would convince her more. 

“What do we do now?” She asked finally, swiping the sleeve of her hoodie over her eyes. “What can we do?”

“Well…” Wade said, looking around. “You said you knew something about first aid?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so I asked how you felt about Soft Wade tm 
> 
> and then I started writing to fast to hear your feedback, so I guess you get him anyway...


	114. written on road trip pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even remember what this chapter is but here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it!

Luckily Peter did end up waking up, although he wasn’t too sure if he liked being awake at the moment. The last time he had this many injuries had been the  _ other _ time a building fell on him and… let’s just say unpleasant memories there. 

Loki looked like he had been posted to watch him, based on his position, but instead he was playing with magic, making tiny rocks form different words and sentences. Peter’s ears were ringing really badly, but he was able to make out that Wade and MJ were off in the corner, having some kind of emotional conversation. 

He would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little proud of Wade. 

_ But _ instead of staying put, like he was absolutely sure he should have, he decided to crawl up the wall and try to get a good look. Wade was holding MJ by the shoulders, and she looked terrified, disturbing him because usually she was pretty much unshakable. At least at school.

They both nodded their heads when Wade said… well he didn’t know what Wade had said but he had a feeling he should go back to the pool of blood he’d been lying in before he got in trouble. 

_ “Peter Parker I will cover your spider ass in bug spray I swear!” _ He heard Wade yell from the direction Peter had come from. 

“Shit shit shit,” Peter muttered, scrambling to get back. “He-ey guys…” 

“At least let us set your damn bones, fuck,” Wade muttered. He continued to mutter things like that while dragging Peter down. “Also, I have one question for all of you,” 

“Uh oh,” Loki said from the corner. 

“Why the hell are you all so skinny. I mean look at Peter's wrist. And he weighs the most out of you three,” Wade said, shaking his head. “That’s it, I’m turning full Hansel and Grettle witch on you three,” 

“Yaaaaaaaaaaaay,” MJ said, making Peter bat at her, his eyes narrowed. 

“Stop  _ moving _ I swear!” Wade said, “I’m  _ trying _ to get a good grip on your ribs so they don’t heal backwards! Do you want to look like that one guy?” Wade asked. 

“Which one?” Peter said, showing no obvious signs of pain while Wade gripped onto his bones. 

“The homeless guy that should have kicked the bucket ten years ago,” Wade said. “You know him you kept giving him coffee,” 

“Oh! Landion!” Peter said. “Yeah that did kinda freak me out. He’s nice though,” 

“He’s mentally disturbed,” Wade said, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh like  _ you _ have room to talk!”

\---

“Hello, we are looking for Odin Alfather,” Natasha said, walking up to one of the guards they had seen wandering around. 

“Who are you?” He asked, pointing a spear at her chest. 

“It does not matter. We have information concerning his son Loki that we think he would really want to hear,” Natasha said, doing her best innocent face. Which was pretty damn good. 

“I had not heard of him expecting any visitors,” The guard said. He was at least 50, and his belly protrude around his armor in perhaps the least flattering way. His breath stank and his face looked like it either needed much more or much less sun. 

“Well I couldn’t exactly call him…” She said, rubbing her neck sheepishly. 

“Listen lady, I don’t know  _ who _ you think-” He was cut off, blood bubbling over his mouth as he fell forward, almost onto her. She grinned at the arrow expertly positioned in the weakest parts of his armor. 

“Come on, we need to move fast,” Clint said. She whipped the small splatter of blood of her cheek, handing him the arrow. He whipped it off on his pants and kept going. 

“I think the throne room is this way,” She said, nodding to the door at the far left. “Loki said he spent all his time in there,” 

“What should we do about Frigga?” Clint asked. “According to Bruce’s notes she’s a victim in all of this to,” 

“Try and get her away, see if we can give  _ her _ the throne, but at the end of the day She saw it happen and she didn’t do anything. It’s her price to pay as well,” Natasha said, cocking her gun. Clint nodded grimly, slinging his quiver back over his back. 

“This is it,” Clint said, walking to the door. “Do you want to go in first?” 

“I’m taking the rafters. You look the most like the people here, they’re going to entertain what you have to say the most,” She said. 

“Alright,” Clint said while Natasha easily scaled the ceiling, ducking in as a servant walked out, his head held down. “Let’s kill a king,” 

\---

“I can tell you thought I was joking about tying you down,” Wade said. “You know I did this before I couldn’t die right?” He said while Peter struggled. “I mean this never would have worked on you if you weren't hurt, you’re pretty nimble,” 

“What if this makes his injuries worse,” Loki asked watching Peter squerm. 

“It won’t do any more damage than him crawling around on the walls and dangling from strings,” Wade said, double checking his knots. 

“It feels wrong,” MJ said, sniffing. Peter had seemed perky when he had woken up, but he kept getting progressively worse and at the point that there was blood in his mouth and ears Wade had called an audible. Peter was not too happy about his choices but at the point he seemed delirious and slightly feverish Wade didn’t really care. 

“That kid can’t control himself for the life of him, it’s going to help him heal better,” 

MJ stared at Peter for a second before looking back at Wade. “We need to take the gag out. If he throws up he could choke,” 

“If you want,” Wade said, spending almost twenty minutes trying to undo the complicated note. Finally though he got the bandana out of his mouth. Peter gasped, turning to look at Wade. 

“Thanks,” Peter said. 

“You know I did that because you were going to break your jaw right?” Wade asked. He felt awful about putting it in Peter's mouth, but he really had been about to hurt himself. 

“Yeah… I know,” Peter panted. “I don’t want… anything… else,” Peter said. 

“Alright, stop talking or the gag goes back in,” Wade said. “Oh never thought I would be using  _ that _ sentence in a room with children,” He said, making all of them groan. 

“That’s gross,” Loki said. 

“After what you did to dad's truck you don’t have any room to talk,” MJ said. 

“Oh come on-  _ I didn’t know it was his truck!” _ Loki said, throwing his hands up. “Do you think that I like that? Do you think it’s fun for me!” 

“I don’t know! You slept with Fury! I don’t even know what to think about you anymore!” She said. 

“Of courses you bring that up!” Loki said. “You always bring that up!” 

“Whoa whoa whoa… what?” Wade said, looking around. “Back that up, Loki slept with who? What truck?” 

“It’s not important,” They snapped at the same time, making Wade raise his hands in defense. 

“Alright, shit,” Wade said. “I need someone to help me twist this rib back into place. Even without food Peter, you’re going to heal faster and I need to make sure it doesn't do this wrong,” 

“Okay,” Peter said, laying his head back on the ground, panting. Wade winced as he saw the bones move with his chest. 

“Okay, Loki comes sit down here next to me,” Wade said, waving him over. Loki did as he was told, his face a mask. Seeing battle at a young age must have some benefits. 

“What do you need,” Loki said. No matter what face he made Wade could see how gray he looked. 

“I need you to put your hand right here on his side so that you can tell me when this pops back in, okay?” Wade said, his voice steady. Loki nodded his head, flicking his hair away. 

“Okay. Okay sure I can… I can do that…” Loki said. 

“Alright. Peter, you are tied down, if you flail you aren't going to hurt anyone. At this point I don’t think you can break the ropes, so don’t worry,” Wade said calmly. Peter nodded, breathing hard. “Okay Loki. Three… two…” Wade said, twisting it before he got to one. 

“It’s in!” Loki yelled, yanking his hands away like he had been burnt. Wade nodded, smiling. Peter to his credit hadn’t even screamed. He had a bite on his lip, making a small amount of blood mix with the dirt on his face. 

“That… that feels better,” Peter whispered. “I can breathe… much better now,” He said, grinning slightly. Wade grinned back at him. 

“See MJ it’s fine,” Wade said. MJ refused to admit that she was hiding, but he didn’t know how else to describe hiding with a book behind a box while shaking. 

“MJ?” Peter asked, trying to sit up. Wade rolled his eyes, pushing him down. 

“MJ get out here before your boyfriend fucking kills himself!” Wade yelled, MJ peaked around the boxes, her eyes widening at the amount of blood surrounding Peter. After blinking for a second, she shook her head, walking confidently over, even if it was obviously fake. 

“Hey…” She said weakly, clearing her throat. “Erm, hi Peter,” She said, more confidently this time. Peter grinned sleepily at her. 

“My ribs are fixed,” He said. 

“That’s good,” She said, returning the meek smile. 

“Ugh, those two are going to make me nauseous,” Loki said. Now that MJ had moved he had taken over the box pyramid, now perched on it. 

_ “Get a room you two!” _ Wade yelled, turning his back on them. MJ flipped him off over her shoulder. “Well she looks better,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second chapter I am posting today. it will not be the last.


	115. written on a road trip pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> enjoy the spam mail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so motion sick for this chapter, i hope you enjoy it.

Bruce had, finally, started actually getting better. At least healthy enough to be able to walk around now. Which meant he was remembering/rediscovering a few things. 

“We have… a cat?” Bruce said, staring at Toast on the counter. Thor nodded happily. “How did that happen again? Everythings hazy,” 

“You should take some medicine,” Thor said. “You still have a fever,” 

“Hardly. You’re avoiding my question,” Bruce stated, making Thor sigh. 

“Peter gave him to me. He was awfully sad, told me about his dead friend who had found him in a dumpster and that he was worried about him at a shelter because he was ‘special’. So here he is,” 

“What… what’s it name?” Bruce asked, watching the cat aggressively staring down a banana. 

“Toast,” Thor said, picking him up and handing the cat to Bruce at the same time he added tylenol. “Take that, I want your fever broken before you go back to the lab,” Thor said. Bruce narrowed his eyes, but he knew he wouldn’t get anywhere with Thor until he took something. With a sigh he threw it back dry swallowing with ease. 

“So there’s something wrong with the cat?” Bruce said. 

“Yes it’s been bothering me,” Thor said. “He does not speak. Wanda and Vision took his sibling Nox and I can hear him speak. But when Toast speaks, it’s just meowing. He is not communicating anything,” Thor said. “I believe Peter said he had ‘elevator music up there’ or something?” 

“Oh boy,” 

\---

“Loki? Loki wakes up!” Wade said, climbing up the boxes and shaking Loki. A few seconds later Loki sat up groggily. 

“Huh?” Loki asked, sitting up. Wade let out a deep breath he’d been holding sense he saw Loki crumpled on top of the block tower. 

“Holy  _ fucker _ Loki, don’t do that! You’ve got a head injury!” He said. “Get off that shit, you’re going to fall and break your neck!” He said. Loki furrowed his brow at him, getting up. 

“I- okay…” Loki said, smoothing down his hair, which despite his best attempts was already curling in the damp room. “Sorry,” 

“Just stay down there,” Wade said, letting out a breath. It had already been several hours and everyone was sleepy, including him. “Here, if you guys want to sleep it’s fine, just sleep together where I can see you,” He said, even passing up the ‘sleeping together’ joke. 

Loki nodded, crawling closer to MJ, curling up against the wall. MJ blinked up at him, looking like she was two seconds away from falling asleep herself. Peter also tried to sit up. He’d gotten much more delirious in the last few hours, between losing food and the injuries that were definitely infected at this point, making Wade actually consider their previous plan. 

“Peter you shouldn’t just be sitting in a pool of blood,” Wade said finally. “I’m going to untie you and move you so you can be more comfortable. Don’t even fucking think about moving a inch, got it bitch?” He asked. Peter nodded slightly, his eyes still closed tight. 

Wade did as he said, also removing the reminets of Peters shirt, which was at this point completely soaked in blood. He set Peter up and then gestured to the other two to come over to him. Luckily most of the blood on Peter had been able to be whipped off. Wade still didn’t trust him though, keeping an arm around his shoulders. 

MJ moved first, sitting on the other side of Peter and leaning against him. Peter very sleepily draped an arm over her. Loki followed, sitting on the other side of Wade. Wade did not pass up the opportunity to trap Loki with his other arm while Loki was too tired to argue. Within minute all three of them had fallen asleep on him. 

Carefully Wade pulled his arm out from around Loki, as quietly as he could without disturbing him. Gentily, he picked up Peter's thin wrist, fiddling with the watch on it until he got it off and raised it to his mouth. 

“Karen?” He whispered. The normal looking watch lights up. 

“Wade Wilson,” Karen said. “You are currently offline. I am afraid I can’t contact anyone for you,” 

“That’s okay,” Wade said. “Is there anyway for you to check the air shit… like the… uh levels?” He whispered. 

“The teens are just tired, there is an adequate level of oxygen in here,” Karen said. “I sensed some extreme changes in Peter Parker's heart rate and blood pressure. I would suggest checking him for injuries,” 

“Yeah… I think we might be a little bit past that stage at this point,” Wade said. “Thanks bitch,”

“Anytime Deadpool,” Karen said. 

Wade gentily put the watch back on Peter's wrist. Much looser this time because Peter had it on the tightest setting making it carve red marks into his skin. The spider was probably afraid of losing it, it being so expensive and all. It would be very in keeping with his character. 

The next four or so hours were spent with Wade periodically zoning out, being entertained by his own mind, and checking on all the teens breathing/blood flow. He was pretty sure that MJ and Loki had managed to get off easy, but he didn’t trust Loki’s head injury, and while MJ’s ankle seemed like even less of a big deal then it had before, he wanted to check in. 

Finally MJ woke up first, trying very hard to seem sneaky as she crawled the ten feet to grab her book. 

“Good read?” Wade asked, grinning when she clamped a hand over her mouth to stop from screaming. 

“Yeah,” She said, smoothing down her hair like nothing happened. “It’s about the pay discriminations in rural New York, which are in direct violations of the meager labor laws we do have,” 

“Holy  _ fuck _ girl,” Wade said. “I haven’t read anything as complex at that title since middle school,” 

“What about highschool?” She asked, sitting cross legged in front of him. 

“Very cute that you think they could keep my ass there,” Wade said, laughing. MJ shot him a look, but she was grinning as well as she opened her book. 

The next two or so hours were pretty much the same as the past four had been, minus MJ who read straight through them. Wade didn’t mind, it was much easier to keep those kids safe when they didn’t move. Loki woke up next, which he was grateful for because he was starting to get worried. He woke up much less oriented than MJ, his hair also significantly curlier. 

“Did I fall asleep?” He asked finally, blinking in the low light. 

“No you just practiced dying for six hours,” Wade said. Loki rolled his eyes, dragging a hand down his face.

“Ugh, everything hurts,” He said, rolling his neck. 

“Try stretching,” Wade said, shrugging. Loki’d ended up with his head on Wades shoulder, and the angle could not have been comfortable. Peter was asleep practically curled on his lap. 

“Oh yes, I will stretch away my headache,” Loki said, mockingly. Wade didn’t mind because three minutes later Loki did as suggested, and it clearly made him better. “Has anyone come looking for us yet?” He asked. 

“Not that I know,” Wade said, seeing MJ clearly tense. “It won’t be long though. Think about how long Peter has been gone. Tony has to notice soon,” He said. 

MJ nodded, looking slightly tearful. “I’m going to go over by the boxes,” She said, abruptly standing up. 

Loki staired after her as she walked away, looking back at Wade in concern. “Is she okay?” He whispered. 

Wade paused. He didn’t want to  _ lie _ to Loki, but saying no plain and simple was  _ not _ going to help anyone. Finally, he rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, opening his mouth. 

“You have to remember, this shit is nothing like what she’s used to,” Wade said carefully. “Like, asgard is fucked, that’s why I have you at all, and Peter dove into this head first a while ago. She just got picked up one day. It’s going to be a lot worse for her,” 

“But she’s going to be okay, isn’t she?” Loki asked, leaning forward. “Wade?” 

“Of course she is,” Wade said. “What kind of fucking question is that?” He said, making Loki laugh in relief. 

“Of course, of course,” Loki said. “Stupid question,” 

“Yeah…” Wade said, looking over at where she was hiding. “Stupid,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this version of Wade


	116. Final road trip chapter!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soft bois

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here this beith

“Hey Pepper, have you seen Peter?” Tony asked, strolling into the living room. “I haven’t seen him since dinner last night,” 

“I assumed he was in the lab with you and Bruce,” Pepper said, sitting up straight. “You haven’t seen him either?” 

“No!” Tony said. “Damn it,” 

“I’m going to start calling people,” Pepper said. If Peter was a normal kid then it would be an over reaction, but looking at Peter's actions the last few months he was probably bleeding out in a ditch somewhere. 

“I’m going to work on Friday!” Tony said. 

“Wade Wilson, Michelle Johns, and Loki Odinson have been missing for the same amount of time as Peter,” Friday said, “Running footage now,”

Tony and Pepper exchanged a look. Peter being gone or trapped somewhere was one thing. It happening with Wade was a completely different matter altogether. 

“Get the whole team on this,” Tony said finally. 

“Right away sir.” She said, then adding after a pause. “I am sure that they are all safe,” 

“Safe my ass. I’ll believe it when I can see them in front of me,” Tony said. “Fun every camera, I don’t care about laws,” 

“Right away sir. If they are anywhere within a 400 mile radius we will see them,” 

“We better,”

\---

“How long should Peter be asleep?” MJ asked, wringing her hands. “I don’t think it should be this long! He really doesn't look okay does he? I think somethings wrong,” 

“Whak keen skills of observation Michelle,” Loki said from the corner. 

“I will  _ strangle _ you I swear-” MJ started. 

_ “Fuck- _ MJ, Loki, over here!” Wade yelled. They both jumped at his tone, scampering over. 

“What? What is it?” They asked, their voices overlapping. Wade held up a hand, pressing an ear to his chest. 

“Shit- his left lung,” Wade said. “It’s collapsing, he’s breathing is uneven,” 

“What? How do you fix that?” MJ asked. Loki’s face paled even more, making him look whiter than a sheet, especially with the dirt on his face. 

“This happened in Asgard before…” Loki said. He looked completely lost in the memory until Wade snapped at him, getting his attention. 

“MJ,” Wade said, his voice deadly calm. They hadn’t ever heard him like that before and honestly it was scarier than Peter. “I need you to go get Peters backpack. It’s dark blue about 50 feet away, okay?”

MJ nodded numbly, retrieving the bag. “Here,” 

“Okay. I need you to look through that bag and take out the duct tape, his pocket knife, and anything like a straw you might find,” He said. MJ retrieved the items, handing them to him. 

“Does a drink straw work?” MJ asked. Wade nodded, not pointing out that there wasn’t another kind he could think of. 

“Yes, thank you MJ,” He said. “Is there a lighter in there?” 

“Uh… no. why?” She asked. 

“I need to sterilize this if I can,” Wade said. 

“We still have the chloroform in a water bottle!” Loki said. “I needed some to give to my brother,” 

“That works. Bring it here,” Wade said. Getting to work. 

“What are you going to do?’ Loki asked, wringing his hands after giving him the water bottle. 

“I need to drain the blood and seal his lung so he can breath as much as he can,” Wade said. They still looked completely lost, making him sigh. “I’m basically taping up his lung,” 

_ “What?” _ MJ asked. 

“MJ would you rather he die?” Loki asked, holding her by the arms. She turned to look at him, and Wade took his chance, praying that Peter wouldn’t wake up. 

“Sorry spiderkid,” He muttered under his breath. “I’m just trying to keep you alive,” 

\---

“Do you have  _ anything _ yet Friday?” Tony asked, rubbing his head. It’d been hours and they ahdn’t heard anything yet. If he hadn’t started freaking out this would have been the turning point. “Anything at all?” 

“I’m sorry boss. His suit is still here and I can’t get a track on his watch,” Friday said. She sounded genuinely upset herself. “I will keep trying cameras but facial recognition is spotty,” 

“I  _ know that _ Friday!” Tony said. “Patch me through footage near the camera, I can review some myself,” 

“Sir you really don’t need to,” Friday said. 

“Well I’m doing it,” Tony said, sitting down and typing aggressively. They already had everyone available combing the city. Thor had insisted that Bruce was too sick to help, but Tony hadn’t stopped Bruce from sneaking out ten minutes after him. 

“As you wish sir,” Friday said. “Patching you through,” 

\---

“Mr. Wade?” Peter muttered, gasping when his eyes flickered open, catching everyone's attention. MJ scurried over from the corner, sitting directly in front of him. Wade was at his side, holding him down so he couldn’t even struggle. Loki was at his other side, holding MJ back so she didn’t hurt him in the accident. “Did something happen?” 

“Nothing important,” Wade said quickly, seeing Loki open his mouth. Making Peter panic was going to make everything exponentially harder. “Your side opened back up, don’t move okay?” 

“Okay…” Peter said, relaxing his back, gasping for breath. “My side feels wrong. It’s too stiff,” He managed to get out. 

“Oh wow I’m fucking shocked,” Wade said. “It’s not like you got a giant gash a day ago fighting some weird octopus thing,” He said, making Peter chucklu, then wince. 

“It really hurts,” Peter said, looking up at the ceiling. MJ looked at Loki, her eyes wide. “Are you sure nothing else happened?” 

“Just a weird little breathing thing. Sorta like sleep apnea,” Wade said. “That shit’s been taken care of, just try and not move,” 

“Okay…” Peter said, squeezing his eyes shut. He seemed to drift off soon, the tension melting out of his body as he went limp. MJ wasted no time.

“He’s going to be okay right?” She asked, staring at Wade. Wade didn’t know how to comfort her, looking between the two terrified teenagers and Peter sprawled across the floor.

“Of course,” He said, nodding his head. MJ smiled slightly tearfully at him. “Here, I’m going to look for a way out, keep an eye on this spider bitch,” Wade said playfully. 

It was bullshit. He knew as soon as it fell that there was no way out of there. Instead he paced, trying to keep himself together. “Come on Wade, you know these kids, it’s all going to work out,” 

It was lucky he’d been pacing actually, because it hadn’t occurred to him to check the ceilings until now. Scanning he was a nice chunk of metal hanging above them. He made a note of that. They would need to move again. If anyone tried to dig them out it would fall. 

Not that he thought that would happen any time soon. 

\---

“Pepper!” Tony yelled across the living room. They had agreed he’d work from there so they could trade information quicker. 

She came into the room quickly, her hair thrown up messily. “What?” She asked. “Did you find something?” 

“Maybe,” Tony said. “I don’t think this could be anyone but them,” 

“Where did they go?” She asked after watching the video for a second. 

“It looks like this warehouse was the last stop they made. Friday? Do you have an address?” 

“It’s already keyed into the car out front,” Friday said, making them all grin. 

“Let’s go,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know if I posted these in the wrong order because I have no faith in myself.


	117. Ducktape can fix anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go!

“Okay, Peter are you awake,” Wade said kneeling down. He knew he needed to move them, but Loki wouldn’t leave MJ and MJ wouldn’t go without Peter and Peter still had his side duct taped together so he wouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon. The best he could do was keep them as calm and safe as he could for now. 

“He’s really warm…” Loki said. Wade put his hand on Peter's head, hoping that Loki’s frosting would have contributed, but he was right. Peter was definitely feverish. 

_ “Fuck- _ alright,” Wade said, looking at the other two teens. “He’s going to be fine,” 

“How?” MJ asked after a minute, making Wade blink.

“He just will be. Or I’ll beat the fucker up and drag him back to earth myself. I know a guy,” Wade said. 

“You can’t just know that he will be!” Loki said, gesturing near Peter, close enough to make Wade wince. “You can’t speak that into existence!” 

Wade thought for a second about just making him be quiet (they still had the gag) but instead opted otherwise. “MJ watch Peter. Tell me if anything changes,” 

She nodded, too scared to talk it seemed, and Wade stood up, grabbing Loki by his narrow shoulders and steering him to the farthest corner near a water leak. He didn’t  _ resist _ per say, but it was clear that he also did not feel like coming. 

_ “What?” _ Loki asked, folding his arms when Wade let go of him. 

“Alright. Here, sit,” Wade said, sinking to sit cross legged. Loki narrowed his eyes, but did as he was told. “Explain to me the shit in your head,” 

“What do you mean?” Loki asked. 

“What fucking spiral are you going down right now?” Wade asked. “There’s a reason that manipulation shit is called mindgames. Now, talk,” Wade said. Loki sighed, staring daily around the place. He definitely trusted Wade the least, but he also looked like he really needed to say something. Finally that need won. 

“I just… where do I start?” Loki asked, laughing slightly, although it was void of humor. Wade didn’t intervene, letting him talk. “I mean… well Michelle to start. You know how she is with food. It’s been almost a day down here, and she threw up everything she ate for the last two before that!” Loki said. 

“Fuck…” Wade said. He didn’t actually want to swear but it put Loki at ease in an odd way. It’s what they expected. 

“And… well I don’t know how anyone can make her eat at this point. If she is sneaky enough to get around  _ our _ parents. I am afraid they will send her away somewhere…” Loki said. “I do not care how different they claim places like that are on earth, I know how people are when they come back. They aren't the same,” Loki said. 

Wade, who had spent his fair share of time in a psych word, had to agree.

“And I don’t know how we’re ever going to get out of here! I mean… we’re trapped in here! That’s pretty clear! And even if someone comes looking for us, how are they going to get in here?” Loki yelled, throwing his hands up. “Even if they do manage to get us out, do you really believe that Peter will live to see it?” He asked, staring hard at Wade.

As flustered as Wade felt, he felt like he played it pretty cool. You know, for him.

“Are you fucking insain? Like are you actually mentily incompitent?” Wade asked. “You know all the shit that Peter went through? You don’t get through- what at least nine years of cancer treatment by giving up!” Wade said. “He defies death every day! Usually twice! I don’t think anything can kill that asshole!” 

“But-” 

“But wait, there’s more!” Wade said, silencing him. “We’re going to get MJ figured out. I don’t care what happens with your parents on Friday or shit, but I promise we can get it figured out, okay?” Wade said. 

Loki looked like he wanted to argue, but bit his lip instead, nodding his head. “Okay…”

“See, all this shit will work out,” Wade said, wrapping an arm around Loki as they walked back. “Fuck you’re cold. Is that a frost giant thing?” Wade asked. Loki just looked at him like he was the stupidest thing on the planet, going to sit down next to his sister again. “Cool,” 

\---

Natasha and Clint were wrapping up in Asgard when they got a text from Tony (stark phones now supported intergalactic communication) telling them that they had to get back immediately. Thankfully beheading was something that the people of Asgard took to pretty well so there wasn’t much else for them to do. Now they had met up with the rest of the team at some collapsed building and were being given no context.

“We think they’re down there,” Tony said, walking up to the rubble and grimacing. It didn’t look  _ great. _

“What are we going to do, move all of that on our own?” Steve asked. 

“That won’t work, it could take hours,” Wanda said, wringing her hands. “I could try to start moving some with magic…” 

“What’s going on?” Clint asked. They all ignored him, continuing the conversation. “Hello?”

“I don’t want to risk disturbing some supporting beam,” Tony said. “We think they’re under this-” He said, gesturing to the collapsed part of the building. “But right here should be empty. If we go through that we will have a easy access point,” 

“Access to what?” Natasha asked, met with the same issue as Clint.

“So what, we’re just going to start drilling?” Sam asked. 

“Yep,” 

\---

_ “What’s that noise?” _ MJ yelled, jumping up. Loki instinctively clapped his hands over his ears as the booming sound echoed through the warehouse. 

_ “Wade what’s going on?” _ Loki yelled. Wade looked around, seeing the rather obvious vibrations in the ceiling. 

_ “Help me grab Peter!”  _ He yelled back. It was either an earthquake or someone had found him. Knowing their luck he had a guess as to which it might be. 

_ “Why? What’s going on?” _ MJ yelled. 

Wade, who could tell that they clearly where to freaked out to be much help, grabbed Peter, practically throwing him across the room and pushing the other two teens to follow. 

_ “I forgot my book!” _ MJ said. 

_ “Forget the damn book!” _ Loki yelled back at her. Wade rolled his eyes, walking back to get the book before she did. 

_ “WADE LOOK OUT!” _

\---

“We got through!” Tony yelled, turning off the ironman function that had apparently turned it into a giant drill. 

“Will someone tell us what’s going on?” Natasha asked. 

“We think the kids are down there,” Steve said, running forward. 

“Cool. That’s fine…” Natasha said, shaking her head. No one tried to stop her when she followed Steve down, also opting to avoid the harness. Clint was directly behind her. 

The first thing they saw when they got down was blood. There were a few random polls of it, like someone had been lying in it, but there was something in the middle of the room that was completely red. 

They were still processing the blood when they heard the screaming. It was so loud and overlapping they couldn’t make anything out, but they did follow it to some boxes. 

“You guys don’t have to go first…” Steve started. Clint and Natasha completely ignored him, rounding the corner. 

The first thing that caught their attention was Peter. He was the closest to them and he did  _ not _ look good. His entire left side was covered in blood, which seemed to be coming from a wound covered in duct tape. MJ and Loki were leaning over him, checking his neck -presumably for a pulse- when they noticed they were there. 

“Mom? Dad?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. This is all I do in my free time. I have had to much free time.


	118. Talking happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who the HELL WAS GOING TO TELL ME that it was DUCT TAPE and not DUCKTAPE?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here though goith!

“What’s his BP?” Clint asked, kneeling in the blood to check on Peter. Natasha knelt down with him to check. 

“80/40! We need to get a transfusion!” She said. “Have the med team take him, I don’t want to hurt his back!” She said. 

“Is this duck tape?” Clint asked while scanning for other injuries. 

“Wade did it! He said something about his lung and tried to get him to breathe!” Loki said. 

“Human lungs work with negative space. If his lung had collapsed…” Natasha said. She was saved from finishing her thought when the Med team got lowered down. They  _ did _ opte for a harness, and a gurney that they put Peter on while shouting rushed instructions at each other. 

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” MJ whispered, catching their attention. They made eye contact, not wanting to freak her out any more. 

“He’s a strong kid,” Natasha said instead. She hugged MJ while Clint helped Loki up, looking around. “Where’s Wade, they said he was with you,” 

“We don’t know, he was with us but…” Loki trailed off when he looked around, seeing the huge tangle of metal. 

“What is it Loki?” Clint asked, tilting his head. 

“That’s… that’s where we were. Peter was lying just under it and we were all sitting around…” Loki started. “He… I don’t know he threw us over here and I lost track after that…'' He said. 

“We need to get them out of here,” Natasha said. MJ hadn’t moved sense holding onto Natasha, which should have looked awkward because MJ was so much taller, but Natasha had a way of never appearing short, and this was no exception. 

“On it,” Clint said. 

“We need to take Wade,” MJ said, pulling away from Natasha. 

“Wade can fend for himself,” Clint said. “We’ll take care of him once your up there,” 

MJ looked at the metal, apparently on top of Wade, and then back at them. “I’m not going up until you guys get Wade,” She said, making Natasha raise her eyebrows. 

“I agree,” Loki said, stopping in his tracks. Natasha and Clint exchanged a look before Nat sighed. 

“Fine. Let’s get him before he reforms and starts talking again,” She said with an eye roll. 

“You guys stay here,” Clint said, grabbing their arms. “It’s going to be gross,” 

“It can’t be worse than Peter,” Loki said, narrowing his eyes. MJ nodded, shaking his arm off. 

“If you really want to,” Clint said. There was no way he was winning this fight. 

Both teens skidded to a stop in front of the big metal boulder, holding Wade down, staring in horror (and nause) as the ironman suits Tony had brought lifted the metal up. 

Wade was completely crushed, even his face. He looked more like a pile of red dog food than a person. Clint had expected them to back down, but they stayed put, watching his body slowly knit back together. Within fifteen minutes Wade was almost completely back to normal, although he stayed knocked out. Or maybe he was just taking a nap. 

“Okay, let’s go,” Clint said, grabbing MJ again. This time she didn’t fight back, allowing herself to be pulled until she had to climb the rope ladder. Loki almost mentioned that she’d hurt her ankle and shouldn’t, but she climbed the entire thing without flinching. 

“Your turn Loki,” Natasha said after Clint and MJ finally disappeared. 

“Okay…” He said. “Is Odin…” 

“Don’t worry about it,” 

\---

The three teens were whisked off to the Med Bay the moment they could be. Peter had to be flown in on a helicopter, which apparently is where Tony and Pepper had gone as well. MJ ended up with a minor sprain, and had to wear a wrap for three weeks, and Loki had to go through a few scabs on his head, but was also cleared pretty fast. 

“How’s Peter?” Loki asked the moment the doctor had left. Tony was just now starting to let workers back into the tower, thankfully because this would have gone much less smoothly without them. 

“You need to rest,” Natasha chidded. MJ was sitting between her and Clint with her arms crossed, staring straight ahead. 

“Nat they’re just going to keep asking,” Clint said. Natasha sighed, rubbing her face. 

“If I let you two see him, will you rest?” Natasha asked. Both of them bobbed their heads and she stood up. 

Peter was still in the ICU, and they didn’t think he would get out anytime soon. His injuries hadn’t even started to heal and he had infection to the point that there was a very real concern of him being septic. 

“Why doesn't he have a feeding tube?” MJ asked immediately when they walked into the room. He’d had to have his shirt cut off and it was easier to keep him out of a gown while they were silk switching in and out tubes. 

“What?” Tony asked, lifting his head up. 

“That was the whole problem to begin with. Before he fell,” MJ said. “He can’t heal if he’s starving,” She said. 

“Dammit- that didn’t even occur to me,” Tony said, jumping up. “Nat your daughter is a genius,” 

“Great great, can you two go to bed yet?” Natasha asked. Clint sneakily wrapped his arm around her. And over her mouth. 

Loki walked up to stand next to MJ, staring at Peter while the machines beeped ominously in the background. None of them had time to clean off yet, and all of them looked pale in compassion. MJ was the first one to break the silence. 

“Is he in a coma?” She asked. “That’s how my uncle died. They put him in a coma and couldn’t bring him out,” 

“No. Not technically,” Clint said. “Think more like sleeping when you have a fever,” 

“He’ll wake up for a minute or two,” Pepper commented from the corner. 

“Okay…” MJ said, turning back around. “We can go now,” 

“You sure?” Clint asked, removing his hand from around Natashas mouth. 

“Yeah. I’m actually kinda tired,” She said, rubbing her eyes. Loki looked skeptical, but remained silent as they said their goodbyes to Pepper. 

The moment they got up MJ left for a shower, under the condition that she would come back out later and talk with them before she went to bed. Loki on the other hand stayed still, scanning the room still. 

“Loki why don’t we sit down together?” Natasha said, sitting down on the sofa. 

“Can… uh can I change? I would not want to get your furniture bloody…” Loki said. 

“Of course, just come right back out,” Clint said. Loki scampered off and they made eye contact, Clint sitting down as well. 

“We need to find out what happened down there,” Natasha said immediately. 

“I’ve never seen those two so freaked out, something big must have happened,” Clint said, stopping when he heard Loki’s bedroom door open. 

Loki must have splashed water on his face because it was somewhat cleaner, although not much better. He sat down slowly next to them, now wearing dark blue joggers and a dark green tee. 

“What did you want to talk about?” He asked. He looked ten years older, and not from magic this time. It made Clint want to melt into a puddle.

“We were just wondering if you wanted to tell us about anything that happened,” Natasha said. Loki turned to look at her, giving Clint a chance to grab Loki and pull him against him, making Loki jump. “You seem a little shaken up…” 

“It- it wasn’t too bad really,” Loki said. “I mean, after all that’s happened, in the grand scheme of things… it could have been much worse…” He said. 

“Why don’t you just start at the beginning,” Clint said.

“Well… we were going to kidnap Wade…” 

\---

Peter woke up, and immediately started causing problems by ripping out his IV and trying to sit up. He was stopped before he could do any real damage by the searing pain literally knocking him down. 

“Stop!” Pepper yelled, jumping up. “Did you take your IV out?” She asked. 

“Uh…” Peter said intelligently. Pepper slammed the nurse button with her fist, walking around somewhat frantically. “...uh...yes?” 

“Peter!” She said. “Tony. Tony’s talking to the doctor. I’m getting him,” She said, pausing. “Yeah,” 

“Okay!” Peter said. The nurse came in first, putting his IV in (he hadn’t actually pulled out the needle, luckily) and patting his cheek before leaving, holding the door open for his parents. Tony walked to his bed immediately, sitting down.

“Hey kiddo,” Tony said, making Peter smile a little. “How are you feeling?” 

“Uh… I’m fine,” Peter said, looking down. 

_ “Fine?”  _ Pepper said. “Fine? Peter!” 

“I guess my side hurts a little…” He said, fidgeting with the sheets. 

“It was sliced open!” She said. 

“Well you can’t give me anything for it! I don’t want you to feel bad!” Peter said. The change in his sense they got the feeding tube in where, according to Bruce, ‘outside the realm of possibility’. Tony still felt awful about not releasing sooner. 

Tony grabbed Peppers hand, trying to help keep her calm. She was more than a little freaked out by everything. He couldn’t blame her, Peter was in pretty awful shape. 

“Peter, when we found you, someone had taped your side up with duct tape. Do you remember anything about that?” Tony asked calmly. 

“No… but MJ told me,” He said. “She said Wade wanted to lie to me, but she was scared I’d pull the tape off,” He said. 

“Okay, what happened?” Pepper said, taking deep breaths. 

“Well, the morals of what we were doing was… fuzzy… but I ended up swinging with all three of them. And a chair,” Peter said. “At one point my shoulder gave out and we fell,” He said, shifting his gaze to anywhere but Pepper and Tony’s faces. 

“Keep going,” Pepper said. 

“Well I knew that place, and I could hear the floor and feel it, and I knew it was going to fall. I didn’t know what to do, I tried to tell them but I couldn’t get it out right, I was too freaked out to get it right and so I just… I grabbed MJ, she was close. I don’t know what happened after, but then Wade was helping me up. That was really fuzzy,” 

“What does this have to do with your side?” Tony asked. 

“Well my rib got all twisted, and I kept grinding my jaw. Wade had to put something in my mouth so I didn’t break my teeth, and they popped my rib back in, which hurt… I fell asleep after that,” 

Peter paused, taking a breath and looking around. 

“After that I felt like I was still sleeping, but I felt like I was drowning. Or suffocating or something. MJ told me that my left lung collapsed. No one knew what to do, but Wade used the stuff in my backpack and drained the blood. He said I needed my side sealed and it was all they had,” Peter said. “Next thing I knew I was up here and I kinda remember like… tiny bits of people talking but it was all nonsense and now we’re here,” He said. 

Pepper put her head in her hands, her brain trying to catch up with what Peter had said. Tony had the curse of a brain that worked faster than that. 

“Wade did  _ emergency _ surgery, with your backpack, in a wreckage, using duct tape, and saved your life?” Tony asked.

“I think so,” Peter said. “And he kept tying me up because I wouldn’t stop moving. And I remember he was talking to Loki. Loki was yelling…” Peter said. “And lots of cursing,” 

“That’s the first part that has sounded like Wade…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you ever have something that you just NEEDED to write? And when you do you just can't stop? That's been this plot line with me. I didn't even know that I wanted to write this and it just sorta happened and here we are!
> 
> also it's so cute that you think I have the emotional strength to kill someone other then May!


	119. Here this is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sowwy it's short!

“MJ?” Clint asked, knocking on her door. They had let Loki also go take a shower after getting less then they would have wanted out of him, and he had sense come back and fell asleep on Nat. “Can I come in?” 

Upon getting no response he opened the door. At first he couldn’t even see her. She was curled up tightly in a small coil under her covers. The only way he identified her at all was her leg poking out slightly, revealing her arrow pajamas. Not wanting to startle her or wake her up he knocked louder on the doorframe. “MJ?” 

Still getting nothing he walked over to where she was lying, pulling back the covers slightly to see if she was awake. At first he thought she wasn’t. Her eyes weren't open and she was curled too tight, but there was a wet spot where she had been crying and she was shaking. 

“MJ!” He said. She opened her eyes but changed nothing else, except clutching the covers tighter, small whimper-like noises escaping her mouth. 

“Hey, shh,” Clint said, crawling up to where she was and grabbing her. She definitely reacted but she didn’t try and fight right away. “Hey sweetheart, it’s okay,” He said. 

She was practically clinging onto him, sobbing silently while he held onto her, trusting Friday to let Nat know that he had her. He was fine staying there, trying to whisper words of comfort while she cried. It took almost half an hour for her to calm down enough to talk. 

“Dad…?” She asked finally, squirming to look at him like it hadn’t occurred to her before that he was the one there. “I- it’s-” 

“Shh,” Clint said, resting his head on top of hers. “Don’t worry about it. Try and take big breaths for me okay?” He said. She tried a few times on her own, but ended up just choking on her own breath, which resulted in a semi-frantic coughing fit. 

“Here, follow my breathing,” He said, taking huge, exaggerated breaths. It took a long time for her to calm down enough that he wasn’t worried about her actively passing. “That’s good. Keep doing that,” He said.

“I thought I was going to die,” She whispered once she’d calmed down significantly. “I couldn’t imagine you’d ever find us. When you got there I thought Peter was already dead…” she said, staring at the wall. “I’ve never seen so much blood before,” 

“He’s okay now though,” Clint said. “And you helped a lot. You were the one who reminded them to give him the feeding tube,” He said. 

“That was simple,” She said, shaking her head. “Wade mentioned it like… a million times,”

“Wade did?” Clint asked. 

“Of course,” she said. “They… i mean they fight together all the time… that’s what they were doing before this… whole thing,” She said. “Some octopus guy. He was trying to get him to eat even before we left,” She said numbly. 

“Really?” Clint asked softly. He had a feeling that right now it would be best to keep her talking. “What did Wade do?”

“Yeah. He… we where… we ended up on a roof and… Peter grabbed me when it fell and… it was… everything went really dark and I don’t know… Wade pulled me out and then I saw Peter and…” She stopped, staring at the ground. “I don’t think that you can lose that much blood dad,” 

Clint, not knowing what to say, tightened his grip on her, which seemed content with, eventually drifting off to sleep. He waited almost an hour before standing up, carrying her with him, and walking into the living room, where Loki was sleeping on Natasha, and sitting opposite them on the couch. 

“She’s asleep?” Natasha asked, raising an eyebrow. “She was really freaked out,” 

“Yeah. Poor girl was panicking for almost an hour. And then I waited before coming in here. I didn’t want her waking back up,” He said. It didn’t really matter how long he waited, as soon as she fell asleep she was like a rock. Unlike Loki who still seemed ill at ease. 

“Loki’s freaked to. He won’t show it though, he still thinks I don’t know. Probably Asgards fault,” Natasha said, her hand tangled in Loki’s hair, trying to work out the knots left over. It always made her grin how curly his hair was when he left it alone. 

“I keep forgetting how new this is to them,” Clint said. “Even Loki’s seen a little bit with Asgard, but MJ…” 

“I think we should give them a few days, but we need to focus more on training,” Natasha said after a minute. “They know what to do, but if they can’t call on it what’s the point?” 

“Sure,” Clint said. “Do you want to turn something on? Give them plausible deniability for falling asleep on us?” 

“Why not,” Natasha said. “But not super nanny, because Colson made me watch that for like eight hours on the last mission,” 

“When were you with Colson for eight hours?” Clint asked. 

“You where in the hospital getting your head scanned after falling out the car window,”

\---

“If you want a full history we can’t get it from the kids, they can’t give a detailed account. The only one who might be able to be objective is Peter and honestly he’s going to be so out of it from the next few days, and he was out for most of it,” Bruce said. He’d been watching Tony work for several hours on trying to recover footage from the incident, not seeing anything particularly helpful. 

“I’m not going to Wade,” Tony said, running a hand through his hair. “He’s done enough,” 

“You know that he’s the one that  _ saved _ Peter's life down there, right?” Bruce said. “You heard the list of things that were wrong with him. In fact I’m really curious about his medical training now. What he did with the duct tape was… crude, but it worked,”

_ “You _ can talk to him if you are so sure it’s going to help,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. “Let me know,” 

“He’s your brother to Tony,” Bruce said.

Tony froze. He’d been very  _ very _ good at avoiding that particular topic of conversation. So good in fact that Peggy had caught on and taken to texting Bruce to try and remind him. Sure he  _ knew _ they were related, but he knew it in the same way he knew he needed to sleep and drink water; a way that could be ignored. 

“And he saved Peter's life,” Bruce pressed when Tony didn’t say anything. “Even if you don’t ask him what happened, you owe him a thank you,” He said. “And probably a apology,” 

“I’ll go with you, but only so you know that I’m right,” Tony said. Bruce didn’t even bother to ask what he was right  _ about _ because there wasn’t much use. He just bobbed his head, making his way to the elevator. “Do we even know where he lives?” 

“Nat said to look for a cave,” Bruce said, punching in the lowest floor level and waiting a second. 

“Is this elevator broken?” Tony asked. They still hadn’t left the lab floor. 

“All the elevators I get in do this,” Bruce said, leaning against the wall when Tony burst out laughing. “What?” 

“You’ve lived here for eight years and I never undid that,” Tony said. “I made them all slow when you got onto mess with you! I completely forgot,” 

“Thanks…” Bruce said. “Do you know how many meetings I could have been on time to if they moved normally,” 

“Yeah they always go extra slow for those,” Tony said. 

“Great,” 

\---

“Bruce?” Thor asked, looking around the apartment. Just because Bruce  _ claimed _ he was better, didn’t mean he was actually remotely close to being better. “Bruce where are you? Friday do you know where Bruce is?” 

“Bruce Banner and Tony Stark are in the elevator on their way to speak with Wade Wilson,” Friday said. “It would be illidvased to interrupt them at this time,”

“Does Bruce still have a fever?” Thor asked, folding his hands. 

“Yes, but it is not severe enough to interrupt them,” Friday said. “I promise to insure he returns here directly after,” 

“Well now what do I do?” Thor asked, looking around. Toast was asleep on the bookshelf, almost out of reach for Thor. Those particular bookshelves always made him laugh, because he could hardly reach the top of them, so watching Bruce attempt to retrieve a book he wanted was both comedic one of his favorite pastimes.

“What’s my brother doing?” He asked finally. 

“Loki is currently sneaking out of the house. The only other person aware of this is Michelle,” Friday said.

“Where does he plan on going?” Thor asked, sitting up straighter. 

“It appears he arranged to meet someone he meet online-” 

“Let me grab my hammer, I’ll be right there,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't remember sobbing harder then when reading through Jenny-Jinya's twitter. Trust me, if you want trama, go there.


	120. Loki? Really?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is the god of chaos...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! I hope you like it!

“But I’m  _ fine!” _ Peter said, batting away the nurse, who just shot him a look. He actually liked her a lot. And her face mask said ‘I just want to drink wine and save lives’ which he far preferred to the plan ones. 

“I have been given permission to use any force necessary,” She reminded him. He just sighed, sinking back into his pillow. 

“They can’t even hold me down with vibranium! What do you have here, graphen?” He asked, throwing his arms up. She lowered them again with a look.

“Tony said to turn off your feeding tube for an hour or so and you’ll get ‘floppy’,” She said with air quotes. 

“That has to be illegal,” Peter said, narrowing his eyes. 

“He’s above the law. Now are you going to let me put this IV in or not?” She asked. 

“I don’t see why I need to have the nettles in me if they can’t do anything,” Peter said. “Even if you can give me a high enough dosage, I’ve always been allergic to painkillers,” He said. 

“Doctors orders,” she said, patting his hand. “I’ll check on you in a hour,” 

Peter huffed, crossing his arms to wait. It wasn’t that he wasn’t in pain. He was in excruciating pain. He felt like he was being burned alive from the inside out. And also like someone had let a starved and pissed cat try and eat its way out of his side. He was just also bored, and surrounded by tech that wasn’t going to do him any good, so he might as well have a little fun with it. 

“Peter what are you doing?” Friday asked while he unplugged his machines. 

“Look, I know you have to tell my dad, but can you hold off for like, ten minutes? I want to see if I can do what I think I can do with this,” Peter said, fiddling with the nobbs. 

“I would say no, however you have healed at a remarkable rate, and given Boss’s history with medical equipment I may be able to delay the allert,” Friday said. 

“Perfect!”

\---

_ “LOKI? LOKI GET BACK HERE!” _ Thor yelled, seeing his brother walking down the street. Loki turned, seeing Thor flying above him, and sprinting down the street.  _ “LOKI!” _

Thor landed directly in front of Loki, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket while everyone just walked past them, apparently not concerned for Loki. “Hello Thor. What are you doing here?” Loki said. 

“Where are you going?” Thor asked, holding him slightly above the ground. 

“How did you find me?” Loki asked, narrowing his eyes. 

“Friday helped me,” Thor said. “Who were you going to meet?” He asked, holding him higher off the ground. 

“A friend,” Loki said, crossing his arms. “Why?”

“Like you have friends,” Thor said, rolling his eyes.

“Uh just because you had a secret boy band club on Asgard does not mean that other people are incapable of having friends,” Loki said. “Are you planning on putting me down anytime soon?” He asked.

“Are you going to try and meet some 80 year old creep?” Thor asked. 

“First of all he’s 24-” Loki started. 

“Yeah, let’s go,” Thor said, dragging him back towards the tower, waving at the crowds of people staring at them. “Smile Loki, people are taking pictures,” 

“I‘m going to murder you,” Loki muttered, glowering. 

“Just smile and wave Loki… smile and wave,” 

\---

_ “Peter!” _ Pepper said, walking into his room. 

“Heeeeeey mom,” Peter said, rubbing his neck. “So don’t freak out,” 

“What  _ is _ that?” She asked. 

“Well it’s going to be a doggy treadmill,” Peter said. “I was struggling to figure out what to use but I think that if I use the inside of this pillow case…” 

“Oh my gosh, did you tear your stitches?” Pepper asked, staring at the blood on his side. Peter gave her a sheepish grin. “Get back in bed!” 

“Wait I need to connect these wires-” Peter started. 

_ “Peter get back in bed right now,” _ She said. It wasn’t a  _ shout _ persay, more of a true ‘mom voice’ but it was very effective, because Peter jumped immediately back in bed. 

“Whoa. My vision’s all spotty,” Peter said, blinking. 

“That’s probably because you’re anemic,” Pepper said, smoothing down her skirt. Apparently the press had caught on to Peter being in the hospital (inside the tower of course) and she’d been dealing with them all day. “I can’t imagine why…”

“Sorry,” He said, wiggling in the covers. 

“You must be in excruciating pain, can you just stay still?” She asked. “I’m calling the nurse in here to redo the sutures,”

“No!” Peter said. “I know how to stitch up my side myself! She’s going to be so disappointed in me,” 

“Well then don’t disappoint her,” She said, sitting on his bed after pressing the button. 

“Sorry,” Peter muttered. “I just got bored,” 

Pepper sighed, rubbing her forehead. “You’re fine sweetheart. Tony’s your dad, you couldn’t help yourself. Last time I left him alone in a hospital he tried to replace the staff with robots,”

“Really?” Peter asked, furrowing his eyebrows. 

“Oh yeah. It wasn’t even his own hospital,” She said, shaking her head. “I swear,” 

\---

“I think you might have been looking for this,” Thor said, walking into Clint and Natasha’s living room, throwing Loki at the sofa, on top of MJ. 

“Hey! Get it off!” MJ said, smacking at Loki, who very indignantly stood up, brushing himself off. “Oh. It’s you,” 

“I thought you were in your room!” Natasha said, standing up as well. 

“Well, looks like you have this handled…” Thor said, backing out. 

“Wait!” MJ said, jumping up. “Can I come with you? Watching Loki get in trouble isn’t as much fun anymore,” 

“...Yeah. Sure,” Thor said. The two of them ducked out while Clint and Nat stared at Loki.

“You wanna explain where you were going?” Natasha said.

“...Where’d dad go?” Loki asked. “I didn’t see him leave…” 

“He’s adding alarms to the windows and doors,” Natasha said. “Give me your jacket, it’s wet from the rain,” He said. Loki sighed, taking it off and handing it to her. “Thank you,” 

Natasha gestured to the sofa, and he sighed, sitting down while Clint walked into the room, sitting down next to him. “I thought that Friday worked for alarms,” Loki said, crossing his arms. 

“We like to rely on our older, tried and true methods,” Natasha said. Clint nodded. “Do you want to tell us where you were going tonight?” 

“What do you think?” Loki asked. 

“I think that this will be a lot easier if you tell us,” Clint said. Loki sighed, running a hand through his hair. 

“I just wanted to get out,” Loki said. “There’s no big thing here, I just don’t want to be inside right now, and I was texting someone and it was an excuse to not be inside and so I just left,” Loki said. “I had no clue that my brother decided to take over patrol for Peter tonight,”

“Why didn’t you want to be inside?” Clint asked, tilting his head.

“I dunno! It was freaking me out! I can’t explain it!” Loki said. “I just kinda felt trapped and I wanted out. I can’t tell you anything else, that’s it!” He said, throwing his hands up. 

“Have you been freaking out since you came inside?” Natasha asked, making eye contact with Clint. 

“Not at first! I don’t think so at least!” Loki said. 

“Did something make you start freaking out then?” Clint asked. 

“It’s- I don’t know it’s like… it’s like I just noticed that I was freaking out, but it didn’t just  _ start _ I just realised what happened,” Loki said. “Can I go now?” 

“No,” Natasha said. “What exactly were you scared about?” she asked. 

“Just… just  _ being _ inside, I dunno,” Loki said. “I was trying to go to sleep, and I just… I turned out the light and it felt like I was back in the warehouse,” Loki said, looking down. “I didn’t want anything over my head,” 

“Okay, that makes sense,” Clint said. Nat wasn’t letting him off the hook that easily. 

“Who were you going to meet?” She asked. Loki shook his head, putting his phone in his pocket. 

“Just this guy I’d been talking to,” Loki said. “It’s no big deal. I just wanted to get out, I didn’t care about who I was with,”

“Well… we can talk about it later…” Natasha said. 

“But you aren't leaving,” Clint said. 

“Well I can go to my room right?” Loki asked. 

“Maybe tomorrow,” Clint said. “But  _ now _ we’re turning on Super Nanny and we’re sleeping on the sofa tonight,” 

_ “Not _ Super Nanny,” 

\---

“Wade? Wade!” Bruce asked, walking into the cave. “Wade are you here?” 

“Hello… Wade…” Tony said quietly. “Oh no! I don’t think he’s here. Oh well, guess I have to go back and sit with Peter,” 

“Tony,” Bruce said, rolling his eyes. “Why is it so grimmy down here? Does he really live in this?”

“I should give him Thor’s old apartment,” Tony said. “As soon as I put a wall back in there. And doors. And I should probably put glass in the windows…” Tony said. 

“I don’t want to know,” Bruce said, waving away a spiderweb. “Wade!” 

“Hello,” Wade said, closing the door they had gone through, leaving them in the dark, and making them both scream (just a little). “Where you looking for me?” 

“...no,” Tony said. “Let’s go Bruce,” 

“Tony,” Bruce said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Wade don’t let him out- is there a light in here?” 

“No. Your eyes will adjust eventually,” Wade said. Bruce sighed, turning on the flashlight on his camera and setting it up. “Ew, it’s so bright- why are you here again?” 

“That’s right Bruce, why are you here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW DID I NOT KNOW THAT THERE WAS A AVENGERS ASSEMBLE CARTOON? I'M GOING TO WATCH ALL OF IT INSTEAD OF SLEEPING TONIGHT


	121. Wade still curses and maybe a tiny bit of fluff?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You might not hate me after this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have giving you a CRUMB of fluff. a crumb!

“Wade, we need to know what happened. The kids are too freaked out to give us a good idea of what happened, and if we know what they saw it will be easier to help them,” Bruce said.  _ “Right _ Tony?”

“Yeah…” Tony said. “What did these things use to be anyway? It’s so dark I can’t really see what’s on the walls,” 

_ “Tony!” _ Bruce yelled. Tony sighed, going to sit on the crate next to Bruce. 

“I’m just saying, a little paint, some new floors…” Tony said. 

“Leave the interior design for later,” Bruce said. 

“Why the hell would you think I would give a fucking good account. I hear fucking voices, it’s not like I have the clearest head,” Wade said. 

“Well, you heard the man Bruce, let’s go-” Bruce grabbed Tony’s shirt, dragging him back down.

“Listen, it’s clearly affected all of them. According to Nat, MJ and Loki have been panicking. Whenever Peter’s awake he acts  _ exactly _ like Tony does when he’s avoiding talking about something. If we know what they are reacting to we can help understand them,” 

“Yes, that,” Tony said, snapping his fingers. 

“Mmm, nah,” Wade said. “No thank you fuckers. You can figure it out like big boys,” He said. “That sounded dirty,” 

“No… it didn’t?” Bruce said. “Tony am I missing something?” 

“It’s somewhere in between, not worth commenting on,” Tony said, shaking his head. “But it sounds like he’s not gonna help us. We tried,” 

“No-  _ Tony,” _ Bruce said. “Is this how Pepper feels all the time? We’re trying to help  _ your _ kid,”

Tony sat back down like a grumpy toddler on the floor, glowering at his brothers while still scanning the room. Probably looking for something that would take the attention away from what they were actually trying to talk about. 

“I think you can figure it out on your own,” Wade said. “And I have fucking churros to eat so…” 

“The only way to figure it out on our own would be to constantly pressure three traumatized teenagers,” Tony said, suddenly engaged. “Do you want to do that Wade?” 

“Well if i did it it would be pretty fucking weird because I was fucking there,” Wade said. 

“I swear Wade-” Tony said. 

“Okay, Tony calm down,” Bruce said. “Wade, at this point I don’t think that you could possibly be any more traumatized then you are already, so what reason could you  _ possibly _ have for not telling us. Is there something that you don’t think we should know?” Bruce asked.

“Sometimes Tony hears what Tony wants to hear,” Wade said. “If I say something he doesn't want to hear, that shit isn’t going to do anything. Besides, shits in the past,”

“See, I told you he wasn’t going to be helpful!” Tony said. 

“I swear Tony, if you stand up  _ one more time _ you’ll be dealing with the Hulk not me,” Bruce said, rubbing his temples. 

“Am I the only one who feels like Bruce having an alter ego named ‘the Hulk’ was at least a little dirty?” Wade asked. 

“We are not going down this trail again,” Bruce said. 

“Well, I’m done here, Huleo is expecting me at the churro cart,” Wade said. 

“Wade, sit back down to,” Bruce said. “Listen, you don’t need to do any of this for Tony or anything, but can you give us anything to help Peter?”

Wade stared at the two of them before sitting back down with a sigh, shaking his head. “Alright listen, as soon as those two little snacked-sized-spies got dropped off down here they wanted to get out. They were going to get out no matter what I did, so I let them think that they knocked me out,” 

“They fell for that?” Bruce asked. 

“They didn’t think things through all the way,” Wade said. “So I thought it was a problem as soon as Peter decided the best way to ‘move me’ was to fucking swing on one fucking arm. Of course that shit didn’t work and he fell,”

“What do you mean didn’t work?” Tony asked. “Did he decide to stop?” 

“Yes Tony, Peter used logic and reasoning to decide it would be best for everyone's safety if he stopped-  _ no _ his shoulder popped out Tony! That the hell did you think?’” Wade said, throwing his hands up. 

“He had a complete dislocation,” Bruce summarized. 

“Sure! Anyway, we fell, I let them know I was alive and then I think it was him who put his shoulder back in or something,” He said. “Anyway, we fell on a fucking roof or some shit,” Wade said. “Anyway, spiderkid tried really hard to try and explain that the roof was going to fall but before he could the roof fell,” 

“Wait, the roof just  _ fell? _ I- roofs don’t just fall,” Bruce said. 

“Old dilapidated and abandoned warehouses with a sudden 500 extra pounds of shit do,” Wade said. “Probably less, all those kids are fucking thin. MJ actually scares me,” 

“Get to the point Wade,” Tony said, rubbing a hand through his hair while Bruce elbowed him. “Hey!”

“The roof fell. I got up first and tried to find them,” Wade said. “Loki was under some shit, he hit his head but he seemed mostly okay so I told him not to move. MJ and Peter where in the same place because Peter grabbed her,” Wade said. “Loki checked on MJ and I tried to keep Peter somewhat alive,” 

“What does that mean? Somewhat alive?” 

“We’re going to be here awhile…”

\---

Thor had been informed by Friday that it seemed Bruce would not be done for awhile, so instead of going back to his and Bruce’s apartment, he kept going past his floor, confusing MJ. 

“Thor? You missed your floor,” MJ panted, jogging to keep up with him. Thor tried to walk somewhat slower after Bruce kept complaining, but it was hard to remember.

“We’re not going there,” Thor said. “Let’s take a break,”

“Can we take an elevator? I’m dizzy,” She said, leaning against a wall. 

“Oh of course,” Thor said. “Can you make it down the next flight without falling? That will be the closest,”

“Yeah yeah,” She said. “It’s just… going fast makes my vision blurry,” She said, shaking her head. Thor ran ahead of her, opening the door while watching her closely to make sure she didn’t fall. 

“Are you sure you are alright?” Thor asked. MJ nodded, walking through the door with a smile. 

“So where are we going?” She asked while they walked to the elevator.

“I found an ice cream place that never closes,” Thor said. “It’s often wear I wait while Bruce does science and I think you will enjoy it,”

“Okay,” MJ said. She knew less places around deep Manhattan, because she’d grown up in the gross parts of queens, so while she knew which pizza places had crack kitchens in the back and which places didn’t, she was pretty clueless down here. 

To her relief it was within walking distance, so she didn’t need to travel by air for the second time that day. Surprisingly it was actually a really cute place, with overstuffed chairs that made her feel kinda wobbly, and only sample sized spoons. 

She got the dairy free raspberry, while Thor got some kind of peanut butter/chocolate mess with gummy bears. He took her up to the store's roof, which had the same kinds of chairs, and sat one the one closest to the ledge. 

“Do you go here a lot?” She asked, eating out of her cone with a mini-spoon. “They seem to know you,” 

“A few times,” Thor said. “I have noticed that on midgard people tend to remember me. Bruce seems to be under the impression it has to do with my volume,” 

“That sounds about right,” MJ said. “Did something happen on Asgard with Loki?” She asked after a second. “He’s seemed… different sense you guys got back,”

“I’m not sure,” Thor said. “Asgard was never a home suited for Loki, he was never happy there, but I always suspected something worse was going on,” 

“Worse how?” She asked, handing him a napkin to keep his ice cream from melting everywhere. “Like with your parents? Because that’s why mom and dad went up,” 

“Well yes, I knew about that, there was no way to stop that, I mean more with the entire planet,” Thor said. “It’s… you remember the game with the baskets and… the big orange balls?” Thor asked. 

“Basketball, yes,” She said. 

“And remember how bad Bruce was at it?” Thor asked. 

“Of course it was hilarious,” 

“Imagine if the entire planet was all on basketball teams, and they might be on different ones, so they fight, but then you took someone like Bruce who didn’t know how to play the basketball game,” Thor said. “They would all hate him, regardless of it they hate each other or not,”

“And that was Loki on Asgard…” She said. 

“I did try my best to keep him safe, I threatened everyone with various kinds of violence, which I had no difficulty carrying out, but I could only watch him so much, and he didn’t exactly jump at the idea of spending time with me,” Thor said, trying to clean chocolate off his face. “Sometimes I would find him covered in blood or with broken bones, but he always assured me that he already instilled revenge,” 

“That sounds awful. And gross,” MJ said, shuttering. “How long did that happen?” 

“Forever. Even when he was as young as four, grown men would attack him and I would sever their knees,” Thor said, mining it with his ice cream cone. “With my sword,”

“Ew,” She said. “Is that why he’s all weird now?” She asked. 

“He’s weird on earth,” Thor said. “I have never seen him be so…  _ loud _ before. I was always the one who said things, and then he would talk behind closed doors. The fact that he fought with Clinton and Natasha was… shocking,” He said. “He would never have done that ever on Asgard,” 

“Huh,” MJ said. “So on earth he feels…” 

“Safer? Maybe,” Thor said. “I do not know what your parents do, but it is remarkable,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK about you, but for some reason Thor and MJ's friendship is the SOFTEST thing to me.
> 
> also, I know that there are spelling mistakes in here, but I can't fix them bc I can't find them bc my brain is weird, so I know, trust me, it iz what it iz


	122. Hehe here u go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony has issues.

Wade was right, Tony  _ did _ hate to hear things he didn’t want to hear. He also hated admitting that any of his siblings were right. The truth was he had kinda hoped that Peter had gotten hurt and stayed passed out the whole time. He didn’t want to except the fact that Peter had been awake at all,

“Tony you’re doing the thing,” Bruce said, rubbing his forehead. 

“I don’t give a damn if I’m doing a thing, I don’t think it’s true!” Tony said. “It doesn't add up!”

“Tony’s right, I beat staved and hid the children, and fucking lied about it for fucking kicks and giggles. You found my shit out!” Wade said. Bruce didn’t know whether it was worse to see Tony meet someone more difficult than him, or for the same thing to happen to Wade. 

“Alright, you know what, Wade, thank you for telling us what happened, Tony let’s go,” Bruce said, standing up.

“But-” 

“Tony I swear I will beat you over the head with a tire iron without batting a eye  _ or _ turning into the hulk because I have been repressing that urge this entire time,” Bruce said, nudging him with his foot.  _ “Let’s. go.” _

“Ow- okay okay, I’m going!” Tony said, standing up and dusting off his suit. “Finally,” 

“Oh my gosh just walk  _ that way,” _ Bruce said, gesturing to the door. Wade had been right, after almost an hour his eyes had adjusted well enough that he could at least not trip on everything. Luckily the door opened fairly easily and Bruce pushed Tony out into the hallway. 

“Hey!” Tony said while Bruce slammed the door.

“Tony what the hell was that?” Bruce asked. “For the first time  _ ever _ Wade actually tried to be helpful! And you’re acting like an idiot!” Bruce said. 

“How was any of that helpful?” Tony asked. 

“Did you hear  _ anything _ that he said? Tony- everything that he said- he told you  _ exactly _ what happened. Sure he did it with curse words and unicorn plushies, but he still  _ helped _ and you’re being an asshole about it!” 

“He was an asshole first!” Tony said. 

“You’re acting like a 5 year old!” Bruce said. “And you’re blaming Wade for what happened to Peter,” 

“What- if he had-” 

“If  _ the teens  _ hadn’t decided to kidnap Wade then it wouldn’t have happened! But they did, and it happened! And Peter got hurt, and then Wade saved his life,” Bruce said. “But you acting like a child won’t change any of that!” 

“I’m not acting like a child!” Tony said. 

“You interrupted Wade at least five times a minute! Tony I have seen you behave better to men that we  _ both _ knew where actively taking part in trafficking, in murder and genocide, why couldn’t you use those skills on Wade?” 

“I’ll talk to you later,” Tony said, brushing past him.

“You have to deal with this eventually Tony!” Bruce yelled as he walked past. “And- you’re gone… okay,” He said, turning around. “I still don’t know how to get back up,” 

\---

Thor and MJ were walking back, MJ significantly perked up from the food, when she stopped suddenly in her tracks, staring across the street. 

“Michelle?” Thor asked, tilting his head. 

“There’s no way,” She said, looking back at him. “That guy goes to my school,” She said, pointing to someone across the street. 

“He does?” Thor asked, tilting his head and then narrowing his eyes. “Do you need me to kill him?” 

“Wh- no! He’s this asshole who was mad I didn’t let him on the decathlon team. Even though he has _ less than a 2.50, _ ” She said, the last part pointedly loud.

“What is a decathlon?” Thor asked. 

“Hold on, let me throw my cup at him and then I’ll tell you,” She said, picking up her empty ice cream cup. 

“Isn’t that littering?” Thor asked. “Or is that something else?”

MJ sighed, tossing the cup in the trash. “No… it is,” She said. “Ugh, he’s such a jackass though! I shouldn’t have to see him until the year starts!”

“What has this man done?” Thor asked, tilting his head. 

“He’s not a man, he’s 18,” She said. “I was on the co-ed basketball team because I outgrew the girls one and every day, for the entire season, he pissed on my locker because I broke his ankles in practice the first say,” She said.

“What did the instructor of the sport do to prevent it?” Thor asked. MJ snorted, shaking her head. 

“He won’t do anything unless someone can take legal action, I was broke, and my parents didn’t give a shit,” She said. “And- Thor? Thor where are you going?” 

“I just wish to speak with him,” Thor said, swinging Mjolnir, which he had apparently had the entire time. 

“Wait-  _ Thor that’s not what I meant!” _

\---

“Wade I give up, I can’t get out,” Bruce said. It’d been another hour of him trying to get through the maze of dilapidated tunnels to get back the way he’d come, which it seemed Tony had memorized, and he didn’t have Friday to help. 

“Happy to help,” Wade said, appearing around a corner. 

“Have you watched me get lost this entire time?” Bruce asked. 

“Yes. My favorite part was when you thought going downstairs would bring your ass closer to the lobby,” Wade said. 

“...I wasn’t sure,” Bruce said, shrugging. “Sorry about Tony. He’s touchy about Peter,” Bruce said, squinting as Wade navigated through the tunnels with ease. 

“If you want to live don’t touch that wall, it’s got enough electricity to blast you to fucking kingdom come,” Wade said. Bruce scooted away from it. “Don’t worry about Tony. The first time some doctor told me El wasn’t going to make it I shot his brains out,” Wade said. 

“I- wow…” Bruce said. “I’m sorry,” 

Wade just shrugged, kicking at a live wire so Bruce wouldn’t step on it. “Eh, it didn’t do shit in the long run, kids still dead. Point is I get the big reaction and shit,” Wade said. 

Bruce blinked awkwardly, avoiding Wade’s aggressive eye contact.“Still, Tony’s difficult, even when he doesn't mean to be,” Bruce said. “It can make it hard to talk to him sometimes,” 

“He just… feels shit deeply,” Wade said. “Be careful you’re going to step on the rat eggs,” 

“Rats give live birth,” Bruce said, furrowing his eyebrows. 

“Not the fuckers that Howard grew,” Wade said. 

_ “Grew?” _

\---

“-who the hell is this guy? Leave me the fuck alone!” Joseph yelled, throwing up his hands. Thor had not, in fact, decided to stay out of it.

“Thor let’s just go,” MJ said, trying to tug him away. 

“Well this is the right guy, right?” Thor asked loudly, making her cringe. 

“Well… yes but-” 

“Oh shit- is that  _ you?” _ The guy asked, laughing. “Michelle Jones! I thought you would have offed yourself by now!” 

“Oh, that was a smart remark. Did that make you feel better, huh?” MJ asked, crossing her arms. “I’m glad I could help you out,” 

“Whatever bitch,” He said, pulling his hood up. She cringed, looking between Joseph who was trying to sulk away, and Thor, who looked absolutely livid. 

“Thor, let’s go,” She said, tugging on his shirt, tugging her hand away when he accidentally zapped her. “Thor?” 

“What is his name?” Thor asked, watching with narrowed eyes as Joseph slunk away. 

“Joseph Mary Earl, can we go now?” She asked. Thor didn’t move for a minute, and she was sure she saw lightning cracking in his fingertips, but he did end up turning around, stocking towards the Stark Tower. “Thank you,” 

“I should have smitted him while I had the chance,” Thor muttered, glaring at the air. “How was he allowed to get away with that for so long?” 

“It’s fine, he just wanted attention,” MJ said. “As long as you engage then they keep going after you,” 

“False. If you engage correctly they will be far too scared to bother you again,” Thor said, swinging around his hammer. 

“Well- watch it,” She said when the hammer got a little too close to the face. “The school has some rules about that,” 

“Luckily I am not confined by such restraints,” Thor said. 

“Uh huh, let’s just go home,” She said, stepping in the elevator. Thor nodded, following her. 

“Do not be confused, this will not be over,” Thor said. 

“Oh- it wasn’t that big a deal dude, it’s just high school,” She said, running a hand through her hair. “It’s fine. Look! I’m fine! Everythings is fine!” 

“We’ll see,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Thors down with murder, Tony is spiraling a tiny bit, and... Bruce and Wade are bonding? IDK what's happening either, but I hope you injoyed it!


	123. .........uh oh........

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here this be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh I can't remember if this needs a TW but maybe procide with caution.

“Bruce!” Thor said, bouncing into the apartment. “You’re back!” 

“Ugh,” Bruce said. “I’m making coffee,” Bruce said, rubbing his head. 

“Bruce it’s the middle of the night,” Thor said. Bruce just looked at him over his shoulder, grabbing the coffee grounds out of the cabinet. 

“And I’m making coffee,” Bruce said. Thor narrowed his eyes, grabbed the coffee, throwing it across the room. “Hey!” 

“No,” He said. “When was the last time you slept?” 

“Probably about the last time you slept,” Bruce said. 

“Then we’re both going to bed,” Thor said, grabbing Bruce by the wrist. Bruce just sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to win this fight. 

“Did you at least feed the cat?” Bruce asked.

“I think so,” Thor said. “Toast seemed to like peanut butter. Peanut butter Toast!”

“I’m sure he’ll live,” Bruce said, shaking his head. “Hey- what’s on your arm?” Bruce asked. 

“What do you mean?” Thor asked. 

“Here, it says 170… something, I can’t read that,” Bruce said, squinting at Thor's wrist. 

“Yes, those are food points,” Thor said. “I meant to tell Clint and Natasha them,” 

“Food… points?” 

“Yes. If you do not get enough food points you stay hungry. That’s what Tony’s always working on for Peter,” He said. “I write down the food points whenever I try to feed Michelle I write down the food points on my arm,” 

“Do you mean calories?” Bruce asked. 

“I’m not sure,” Thor said. “They always seem to know what I mean,” 

\---

“Peter I swear on everything holy if you do not stay in bed I am  _ dragging _ May Parker from Heaven to staple you down herself!” The nurse said. Peter huffed, crossing his arms. 

“I’m completely healed!” Peter said. 

“Your scans said differently,” She said. “Your ribs are cracked, you still have an infection spiking your temperature, and clearly there is something wrong with your brain sugar,” she said. 

“I’ve gone on patrol with twice those injuries,” Peter said, letting his head hit the pillow with a thud. “I’m stronger than my dad's suits! Why don’t I just leave?” He asked. With raised brows the nurse stepped back, her hands up. 

“Go ahead, try and climb out of bed with that side of yours,” She said, popping her gum. 

“Thank you,” Peter said, easily walking to the window and opening it with a grin. 

“Wait- yo when’t suppose to do it,” She said. 

“See yah!” He said, shooting a web out the window, much to the nurses protests. 

Admittedly, maybe he should have waited another day, because every time he swung he could feel the still healing skin pull at his side. It sorta felt like being branded with a hot iron over and over, but he wasn’t about to turn back. As soon as he did they would try some other way to contain him and he didn’t think he could take another day of that. Besides, he had stuff to do. It’s not like he could take a week off of patrol without repercussions. 

Crime in New York had  _ already _ spiked, and even if the news was blocked from his phone and the TV in the hospital room, he could hear Pepper watching it and sighing whenever she thought he was out of hearing range. And even if she wasn’t he could hear it happening in real time. It wasn’t just petty crime either, people's lives were being ruined while he just laid in bed doing nothing. 

So a few stitches and a violently removed feeding tube were nothing of note. Besides, he didn’t even hear Wade out helping like he normally did with Peter, further proof that he needed to be out on the streets.

_ “I need help! There’s a fire! People are jumping!” _

Case in point. 

\---

“-I understand where you are coming from Tony, but it dosn’t seem like a good idea, we need to be on top of PR right now, and I don’t know how we would even get there and back in time,” Pepper said.

“Come on, it’ll just be a week, we won’t even leave the state! I already looked at this place, it’s near a lake,” 

“Tony check the news,” She said, opening her laptop. 

“I- what?” Tony asked. 

“Just check the news!” She said. 

“Fire in downtown… blah blah blah… civilions are being taken out… fire services working  _ in tangent with Spiderman?” _ Tony asked. “I thought he was still in the hospital?” 

“He was,” She said. “Shit- we had the nurses watching him,” 

“The kid’s one of the strongest hero we have, the nurses never stood a chance,” Tony said, standing up. 

“Where are you going?” Pepper asked. 

“To get the ironman suit,” Tony said. “He’s going to end up in another warehouse,”

“Fine, get him back by dinner, the doctor said we can give him solid food again,” she said. 

“Okay. Think about cranberry lake!” He said, flying off. 

\---

“Hey mom, hey dad,” MJ said, dropping her backpack at the front door when she walked in. Natasha waved at her from the sofa, where her and Clint where watching some TV show. 

“Hey hun, wanna watch with us?” Clint asked. She didn’t really, but Lucky was freaking out, so she sat down anyway. 

“Where’s Loki?” She asked. Natasha pointed to the floor, where Loki seemed to be asleep leaning against the sofa. “Ah,” She said, grabbing a blanket and sitting in the armchair near them. Lucky instantly wiggled into her arms, lying his head on her chest. 

“I’m putting this on the wall,” Clint said, taking a picture.

“Hey!” She said, throwing her hands up half heartedly while Lucky squirmed up to lick her face. “Ew, Luck!” 

“He  _ loves _ you!” Clint sang, making her narrow her eyes. 

“Do you want something to eat?” Natasha asked, pausing the SuperNanny episode. 

“I’m fine, I’m not hungry,” She said, petting Lucky. Natasha raised her eyebrow, walking to the kitchen anyway.

“Do you want fruit snacks or chips?” Natasha asked. MJ sighed, rolling her eyes. 

“Fruit snacks…” she said, sighing. Natasha threw the snack from the kitchen, hitting Lucky in his face. “...thanks,” 

“Eat all of those,” Natasha said, grabbing a carbonated water from the fridge. “Do you want anything Clint?” She asked. 

“I-” 

“If you say pickles I’m divorcing you,” She said. 

“...I’m good,” Clint said. 

“Smart move,” Nat said, sitting down next to him. “Open your food MJ,” 

“You know, I already ate…” She started, setting it down. 

“That's cute,” Clint said, tossing it back at her, hitting Lucky again. “We didn’t even feed you dinner did we?” 

“Thor gave me ice cream,” She said. “I’m full,” 

“Not enough. Eat those too,” Natasha said. MJ opened them saltily, glaring at her and nibbling on one. “Thank you.” 

“I think Lucky wants one,” 

\---

“Okay before you say anything Dad I know you’re mad but please let me finish here before you ground me!” Peter said, before Tony even started talking. 

“You are in big trouble,” Tony said, hovering with his arms crossed. 

“Yeah! I know! That’s fine!” Peter said. “Just- can you go get Mr. Wade? I really need him when I’m working on fires!” Peter said. 

“I’ll have Friday call him,” Tony said. “I can not  _ believe-” _

“Dad! There’s burn victims that need your help!” Peter said, zipping away. 

“Are you going back  _ inside the burning building?” _ Tony yelled. Peter, of course, didn’t respond. “Damn it kid,” He said. 

“Sir would you like me to call Wade Wilson?”

“No!” Tony said. Friday very pointedly didn’t say anything, seemingly waiting. “Sorry Friday, I mean no that won’t be necessary,” Tony said, lifting his faceplate.

“Peter requested him specifically, sir,” Friday said. 

“It’ll be fine,” Tony said. 

“Sir you can not-” 

“Friday I know exactly what I am doing! Last time he went somewhere with Wade you know what happened!” Tony said. 

“Yes and when he was left in your care he ran into a fire,” Friday said. “Overriding your command using the ‘erratic behavior’ protocol,” Friday said.

“Erratic- I’m completely justified!” Tony yelled. 

_ “Ay yo Ironman, mind helping down here?” _ A firefighter yelled.  _ “Or do you wanna keep talking to yourself?” _

“I swear…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER (bc I might not remember tomorow) MENTIONS OF S U I C I D E AND D E A T H AND D E A D C H I L D R E N 
> 
> hehehe :)


	124. I think it's time that you and I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arranged a heart to heard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here!!! Oh, look at the last chapters TW if they apply to you!

“I heard I was needed!” Wade said, waving to Tony as he sprinted in the burning building. “Whacha need spider-bitch?”

“Wade! There’s kids behind that burning piller! I can’t lift it without burning my hands!” Peter yelled. 

“On it!” Wade said. The apartment complex was at least ten stories heigh, and almost everyone was inside at the middle of the night. “Hi kiddos?” 

He grabbed four of the kids, waving Peter over, who grabbed the other two, running out and dumping them before running back in. “Was that all of them?”

“Yeah! Go up ahead!” Wade yelled. “I’m just double checking shit!” He said. Thankfully Peter was to busy to question him, darting upstairs while Wade walked slowly back into the room, turning over one of the two kids. The first didn’t have a chance. It looked like a slumber party gone wrong. 

“Please be alive please be alive please-” He muttered, taking off his glove to check his breathing. “Shit- no no no, come on you’ve got siblings waiting on you, come on asshole,” He said, running into the smoky bathroom, running a towel under water. “Okay okay, come on, just start breathing, you’ve got this,”

The kids face didn’t look good, it was blistered and burned, and it looked like his entire nose was burned off. Still, finally, he took a halting breath into the wet towel.

“Yes! That’s the shit I was looking for!” Wade said, throwing him over his shoulder and darting downstairs, throwing him to the fire fighters. “Take this,” 

“You can’t throw children! Are you trying to kill them?” One of the firefighters yelled. 

“Yeah yeah,” Wade yelled. “We all know which one of us will be in the fucking papers,” 

He sprinted back inside before anyone could make a rebuttal, chasing after Peter. He directed a few stragglers out until he made it to the top floor where Peter was. Or where he should have been. Luckily he could direct people to the old fire escape while looking for the spider without endangering them all too much. 

_ “Peter! Spidy!” _ Wade yelled.  _ “Hewwo?” _

“Wade?” Peter yelled. “I got everyone out!” He said. “They should all be safe!” 

“Where are you?” Wade yelled.

“The-” Peter stopped, cut off by what sounded like coughing. “The room fell in!”

“I’m coming to get you! Hold on you little shit!” Wade yelled. It didn’t take a geniuse to see that he wouldn’t be able to lift the support beams, and it would be to hot, burning Peters hands. 

_ “HEY IRON FUCKER!” _ Wade screamed out the window.  _ “GET YOUR ASS UP HERE! PETER NEEDS YOU!”  _

He expected Tony to fight him, but he flew up instantly, lifting his face plate with a glare. “What?”

_ “Help me lift this fucker!” _ Wade said.  _ “It won’t hurt me but I need fucking power!” _

“Why should I?” Tony asked, crossing his arms. 

“Becuase your fucking son is in there and I had to leave another  _ fucking _ teenager downstairs where he burnt to fucking death so  _ lift the board and yell at me later!” _ Wade said. 

Apparently whatever Wade had said snapped Tony out of it, because he put his face plate back up and grabbed the other end of the wooden beam, throwing it to the side with ease. Wade just whipped his charred hands on his pants, not worrying about the burnt flesh, skidding into the room. 

“Hey Peter?” Wade said. “Bitch are you awake?” 

Peter turned over, coughing and holding onto his side, where it looked like he had definitely torn all of his stitches. “Hey…” 

“You are grounded for all of eternity,” Tony said, lifting his face plate with a smile. 

“Shit…” 

“Ooh! Someone’s in  _ trouble!” _

\---

“Are they both asleep?” Clint whispered, muting the show. Natasha leaned over, brushing Loki’s hair aside to check. 

“He is. What do you think Lucky?” She asked. Lucky wagged his tail, thwacking the upholstered chair MJ was sleeping on. “I think they’re both out,” 

“Thank goodness,” Clint said, running a hand through his hair. “Holy shit,”

“We need to do something about Loki,” She said, pulling a blanket over herself. She may have been from Russia, but they turned the temperature down to 55 degrees for Loki and her and MJ spent most of their time freezing.

“I don’t know how to keep him inside without practically locking him in a cage,” Clint said. He seemed unaffected by the cold, because he didn’t even have sleeves on. “And with everything with Odin that's just…”

“Your right. If we were controlling Steve or Tony it would have been a different story,” She said. “We need to keep him from wanting to leave in the first place,” 

“So, just pure manipulation?” Clint asked. “He’s a kid,” 

“What else would we do? It’s worse to let him get hurt because we don’t,” She said.

“We need to work on training some more, schools starting for them soon,” Clint said. “Oh- shit that reminds me,” 

“...of what?” Natasha asked. 

“I was supposed to go to the school today and do some teacher shit,” Clint said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

_ “Clint,” _ She said. 

“It’s fine! It’s not like I’m doing any prep work,” He said. “I’m just teaching Wikipedia articles,”

“Not one kid you teach is going to collage,” She said. 

“I think Peter might make it. The other kids are toast though…” 

\---

Peter swore up and down that he was okay, and the ambulance workers cleared him to be treated back at the tower. He had only messed up a few of his stitches, and so he was seen and released pretty quickly, under the condition he doesn't go anywhere by web for a week or two. 

He, of course, was still healing, so after Tony gave him some food Peter practically collapsed on the sofa, using Tessa as a pillow. And as freaked out Tony was, Pepper seemed worse. 

“He was in a  _ fire?” _ She asked, running a hand through her hair. “He got trapped in a burning building?”

“Me and… Wade… worked together…. To help him,” Tony said. 

“You willingly worked together with Wade?” She asked, somewhat frantically. 

“What's so hard to believe about that?”

“It must have been really bad then,” She said. 

“Hey- look, he’s fine. He’s sleeping on the dog,” Tony said, gesturing to where Peter was sleeping. “Look! He’s adorable!”

“I… I’m going to go lie down,” She said. “If I’m lucky you won’t have taken to many years off my life, maybe I will wake up,” 

“Aw, Pep! Pep come on,” He said. “At least I brought him back!”

“Trouble in paradise?” Wade asked, making Tony jump. “Hi little bro,” 

“I know for a fact I am the oldest,” Tony said, crossing his arms. “She’s… Pep will be fine, she’s just freaked,” 

“Uh huh. How’s spider fucker?” He asked, gesturing to Peter. 

“Do you have to curse  _ every _ sentence?” Tony asked. “Are you capable of talking without it?” 

“Well of course I fucking can,” Wade said. “There’s this thing called a brand,” 

“Oh, yay,” Tony said. “My favorite kind of brand. Swearing,” 

“It’s not like you’re a fucking saint or some shit, you swear all the time,” Wade said, tossing up his unicorn plushy. “So far I’ve counted 44,” 

“I-  _ what?” _ Tony asked. 

“Mostly of the ‘ass’ variety,” Wade said, grinning. “This article says it may ‘just be in your nature’ but-” 

“Okay, that’s not the point!” Tony said. “I just… okay, I’m about to do something good, but I need you to be quiet and watch me do this good thing so… just pay attention,” 

“At your service sir!” Wade said. “Whoa, that sounded-” 

_ “Wade!” _ Tony said. “Okay. I’m… sorry… for how I treated you…?”

“Up next on the worst apologies ever, drum roll please…” Wade said. 

“Okay okay I… I just freak out with Peter sometimes okay? I get it wasn’t your fault and I’m sorry, okay?” Tony said. “I’m sorry. There it is,’ 

“The first ever recorded apology from Tony mother fucking Stark!” Wade said. “This is one for the books' fokes!” 

“Fine, I said what I needed to,” Tony said. 

“Okay, come back and hold Boo-Bo,” Wade said, handing him the unicorn. “Let me pause, I’m going to be sincere but I need to get my sincere face on,”

“Why is your unicorn sticky…” Tony asked, holding it by the tail. 

“Listen,” Wade said, pulling his mask off. “I wouldn’t trust me with a child either, it’s fucked up. But Peter’s… he needs constant adult supervision, little mother fucker, but even if you don’t trust me with anything else, at least trust that I won’t fuck the kid over,” 

“That’s… fair,” Tony said. “I was looking you up. You had a daughter right?”

“Eleanor Camacho,” Wade said nodding. “You did your damn research,” 

“What happened to her?” Tony asked. 

“Cancer. Would have killed me before they avacadoed me,” Wade said. “Damn, I loved her more than anything. She really tested that whole ‘cancer angel child’ thing,” He said. “She’d probably look a little bit like MJ now. Different noses though,”

Tony ran a hand through his hair, looking back at Peter before looking at Wade. “Do you miss her?” 

“Most days,” Wade said. “It’s like losing a leg. You can still live without your leg, but if your entire life’s a marathon then you’re goin’ keep missing and wishing you had your leg,” Wade said. “It’s ten times worse when you don’t miss them,”

“I’m sorry,” Tony said. 

“Past’s over, not gonna do anything,” Wade said, shrugging. 

“I get your thing with the suicide,” Tony said. “I think if we hadn’t gotten Peter back I would have just sat down in the fire,” 

“Well,” Wade said, standing up and taking back his unicorn. “You forgot something,” 

“What?” Tony asked, rubbing his eyes. 

“I would still have been fully capable of yeeting you the fuck out that window,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh... yeah. Wade. He's still kicking.
> 
> I think someone killed Coffeegrump. RIP doll!


	125. goin' on a trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They do something that pepper and everyone else things is a bad idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a happy little chapter. mostly.

“Alright, against my  _ strong _ sudjustion to do otherwise, it has been decided that we will be going on a  _ brief _ camping trip,” Pepper said. She’d called a team meeting for all of them, excluding Peter who was supposed to be in bed. 

“We’re going camping?” Peter asked from the ceiling. Tony had found brooms where slightly less effective on teenage sized spiders. 

“Yes Peter, that’s what I just said,” Pepper said, sighing. 

_ “We  _ are going camping? This team?” Clint asked. 

“You do know us, right?” Loki asked. 

“What’s camping?” Thor asked. 

“Rich people pretending to be poor for a week,” MJ said, not looking up from her sketchbook. “And then complaining,” 

“That… does not sound pleasant,” Thor said, tilting his head. 

“Is there a lake I can drown myself in?” Bruce asked. 

“Yes! There is a lake,” Tony said. “And no suicide Bruce, at least not this week,” he said. “Thor, you’re going to love it, Clint, Nat, I think you’re going to love it, everyone else can deal!” Tony said. 

“How much of this is because you don’t trust me in New York?” Peter asked, raising his hand. 

“More than you would think! Alright, I bought and packed everything for all of you, we’re leaving in the morning,” Tony said. “And Clint I replaced your truck. Its a newer model of the same kind I just… reviewed footage,” 

“I didn’t know it was his truck!” Loki said. “It wasn’t at the time!” 

“Is anyone going to talk about what happened to the truck?” Bruce asked. 

_ “No,”  _ Tony, MJ and Loki said at the same time. 

“Wait I didn’t even know that my truck had a brand,” Clint said.

“...it was a chevy,” Tony said. “Anyway, point is you really don’t want to touch the old one, I didn’t technically get rid of it but take my word for that one,” He said. 

“Can we also pack our own clothes?” Bruce asked. 

“Are you going to pack 14 sweaters?” Tony asked. Bruce was committed to wearing nothing but sweaters and long sleeves even in the summer. 

“No…” Bruce said, rubbing his neck.

“Uh huh, fine. But if you get heatstroke that’s on you,” Tony said. “You all can pack yourselves, but you don’t have to,”

“Why do we have to go again?” Loki asked. “It sounds miserable,” 

“To relax,” MJ said. “Obviously,” 

\---

“I thought Tony informed you that there was no need to pack,” Thor said, tilting his head. “Why do you continue to do so?” 

“Because,” Bruce said, grabbing a sweater from his closet. “It’s Tony. Most likely he packed clothing that would get a normal person fired,” 

“I do not understand,” Thor said, sitting on the bed and crossing his legs. 

“I wish I didn’t,” Bruce muttered. “You’ll be fine. As long as you don’t plan on wanting a shirt,” 

“Why would he not pack shirts?” Thor asked. Bruce just sighed, throwing in more socks then he could ever possibly need for a week. 

“I’ve written at least seven published case studies on Tony, who knows how many have stayed as drafts, and I still don’t understand most of his behaviors. I mean the way he handled our first battle in New York still baffles me, I had to look back at old footage,” He said, running a hand through his hair. 

“Uh huh,” Thor said. 

“It’s not just that his actions don’t add up to his words, it’s that his actions don’t line up with his actions. He acts like a complete asshole to Wade and then immediately has a heart to heart with him, even though no factual information has changed. We still know the exact same things about Wade we always knew. Maybe it was a demonstration of those acts-” 

“What are you doing?” Thor asked. 

“I’m putting my toothbrush in a bag so it doesn't touch all my other clothing,” Bruce said. 

“Huh,” Thor said, “That never occurred to me. Sorry for interrupting, continue,” 

“So I think that he struggles with emotional objective object permanence within relationships, see that’s actually interesting, it can be linked to ADHD…” 

\---

“I can’t find anything!” Peter said, turning around his room. “I need to take my phone with me! And I need Tessa’s stuff! And nothing’s here!” He said, running a hand through his hair. 

“Your phone?” MJ asked, lounging on his bed. “Didn’t you just have it?” 

“Somewhere! I don’t know where it is!” He said. 

“Don’t freak out, you probably put it under something,” She said, turning a page. 

“So I’m literally never going to find it,” Peter said. MJ pulled back a corner of his comforter, revealing the phone. 

“It’s literally right there,” She said, poking it with her sock. 

“Oh,” Peter said, picking it up and putting it in his bag. “Okay,” 

“Real smooth Penis,” She said, rolling her eyes. 

“Are you still calling me that?” Peter asked, flopping dramatically on his bed. 

“Stop that’s Loki’s thing,” She said. “And school’s getting started soon, I’ve got to get some practice in,” 

“Great, that’s great,” He said, rolling his eyes. “Ugh, I don’t know how I’m going to go back to doing school and spiderman,” He said. “I basically have to give up on sleeping at all,” 

“That sounds  _ super _ healthy,” She said with an eye roll. “I’m sure there will be no problems with that,” 

“At least when it was online I got to zoom while I worked,” Peter said. “Ugh, I just don’t  _ want _ to,” He said. 

“Why do you engage with everyone there?” She asked. “If you just left it alone then no one would bother you,” 

“What do you think I try to do?” Peter asked. “It’s like they all just decided to hate me for no reason,” She said. “The reason’s your face,” 

“Mmph,” He said, crossing his arms. 

“Incoming call from Shuri,” Friday said, Shuri’s hologram appear before he could except. 

“Hey bitch!” She said. She was ‘floating’ cross legged in the air, painting her nails. “I heard you going camping?” 

“Bleh,” Peter said. 

“Hi Shuri! Peter’s dead,” she said. “And we’re calling him Penis now,” 

“My new favorite nickname!” Shuri said, clapping her hands carefully. “So-” 

\---

“Okay, we have food right?” Tony asked. 

“Yep,” Pepper said. “I think I scared the cashier a little bit, this could feed a small army. Or maybe a giant one,” She said. 

“Eh,” Tony said. “I ordered some more to, I don’t really trust that anyone told the truth about how much they ate. Even with the forms they filled out,” 

“Oh- did you plan for the dogs?” She asked. 

“I’ve got them in a kennel already. Best reviews in New York, it was a tiny place so I donated a bunch,” He said, taking one of the bananas out of the bag. 

“That was nice,” She said. “Friday told me Bruce packed the sweaters,” 

“Of course,” Tony said. “Okay, so I was messing around with the truck I got for Clint-” 

_ “Antony!” _ A british voice yelled from the other room. 

“Is that Strange?” She asked, raising a eyebrow. 

“That’s what I was trying to tell you about. So me and Peter where working on pin particles…” 

_ “The entire universe could have been destroyed!” _ Strange yelled. 

“That’s a bit of a exaggeration,” Tony said. “It just could have shrunk  _ but it didn’t okay _ so it’s fine!” 

“I need more wine for this,” Pepper said, running a hand through her hair. “Tony what did you do?” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Tony said. “The point is I can put it back if I want to,” 

“Will you?” Strange asked, storming in. 

“Why would I?” Tony asked. “Nothing actually happened,” 

“I’m going to strangle you. I’m actually going to strangle you,” Pepper said. 

“Put it back!” Strange yelled over his shoulder. “Now!” 

“Okay,” Tony said. 

“Really?” Pepper asked, raising her eyebrow. 

“Psh, no,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as I'm sure most of you know, we are grieving Chadwich Boseman, the actor who played T'challa. For those wondering yes I will address it in this fic, my chapters are written a day before so there is no mention of it here. I probably will wait a bit before bringing it up, both because realistically the avengers would not know right away, and because I am working on something sepret for that. 
> 
> RIP Chadwick, Wakanda forever.


	126. I would rather die.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...then do most things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They all hate each other... AND themselves. Welcome to road tripping.

“We are not all fitting in that truck,” Sam said when they walked out into the garage. “I mean, _maybe_ _we_ could but not us and the luggage,” He said. 

“Speaking of where is everything?” Natasha asked. 

“I do not trust this,” Wanda said, tilting her head. 

“Don’t worry about it, just know that they are there,” Tony said. “I counted, we basically have enough seats, but it might be a little squished,”

“I’m driving,” Clint said. 

“I’m sitting next to him for when he falls asleep while driving,” Natasha said. “It’s really annoying,”

“He  _ what?” _

“Come on Bruce, I thought you wanted to die,” Tony said, patting him on the shoulder. 

“Well see, that's a very good point,” Bruce said, shrugging. 

“Wait- Bruce that wasn’t supposed to work,” Tony said. “Bruce?”

“There are a lot of things I would rather do then go camping,” Bruce said, deadpan. “Dying, being killed, perticipating in murder as either role,” 

“Okay okay we get it,” Tony said, pushing him. 

“I do not get it.” thor said, tilting his head and looking confused. 

“Why don’t you all just try and get in the truck?” Tony said. “It’s bigger on the inside,” 

“Tony…” Pepper said, her eyebrows raised. 

“Whoa,” Peter said. “It’s like a van on the inside! How does that work?” 

“It made Strange very angry,” Tony said. “Everyone get in,” He said. 

They all grumpily climbed into the truck, which according to Bruce should not have existed. Even with the extra two rows, they were much more squished then most of them were at all comfortable with. Apparently Tony really wanted the ‘authentic road trip experience’ and discomfort was a part of that. 

“We’re stopping at a gross gas station in approximately half an hour so if anyone needs to go to the bathroom now is the time,” Pepper said in a tired voice. “Tony quite literally wrote ‘gross gas station’ on the agenda for 9:32.” 

“I like a schedule,” Tony said. “How’s that a crime?”

“Whatever, let’s get going,” Pepper said. “Clint you are not driving, I don’t trust anyone who falls asleep at the wheel,” 

“I can drive,” Wanda said. 

“You have a permit,” Pepper said. “And you still can’t tell the windshield wipers from the turn signal,” 

“I’ll drive,” Tony said. Pepper looked skeptical but said nothing and they all started buckling in. 

“Some of these don’t have seatbelts,” Peter said. 

“It’s literally right there Peter,” MJ said. Peter kept trying to find it for a minute until Wade just buckled him in like a child. 

“Hey! I can do it myself!” Peter protested. 

“Sure you can, little shit,” Wade muttered, rolling his eyes before putting his mask back on. “Where’s my fucking coffee?” 

“We can start at a starbucks,” Tony said. 

“You made three pots before we left,” Pepper said, shaking her head. 

“Let me live my life Pepp,” Tony said. “Okay is everyone ready?” 

“No!” Wade said, making them all sigh. “I want to put my unicorn in their own seat,” 

“Which one did you bring?” Peter asked, sounding far more annoyed than curious. “Is it-” 

“Of course not Peter, Brucie’s in the car, I think it would break him,” Wade said, buckling in a black unicorn to the mini seat in the cupholder. 

“Don’t call me that,” Bruce said, crossing his arms. 

“I put in a unicorn seat for you,” Tony said. “Just use that one,” 

“Alright! We can go!” Wade said cheerfully, making Peter roll his eyes. 

“You know,” Clint said. “This is actually a lot like riding in one of those clown cars…” 

“Mention clowns again and I am ripping out your thyroid and feeding it to you,” Natasha said, pulling out a knife,” 

“What a nice vacation,” Sam said from the very middle. “Can’t wait,” 

\---

“What the- well how would  _ you _ classify the unknown bacteria found on a spaceship when it  _ got back _ but  _ not when it left _ other than alien?” Tony asked. 

“Oh like they checked the bacteria before the ship left!” Bruce said. “It’s just that they want to find something! There’s no  _ actual _ evidence of aliens!” 

_ “Your fucking boyfriend!” _

“Alright, no more science,” Pepper said. “Does anyone have music sudjustions?” 

“I made a playlist!” Peter said, holding up his phone, making MJ and Wade grone pointedly. “What?” 

“No no, please play it,” Wade said. “Please, go ahead,” 

“Okay,” He said. “Maybe I will,” He said, tapping on his phone. 

“No! Peter I can’t listen to that again!” MJ said, groaning. 

_ “And now… ASAPScience presents… a hundred digits of pie!” _

“Turn it off Peter,” Pepper said. Peter grumpily turned it off, letting his phone down. 

“I know this great song, it’s called the WAP…” Wade said. 

_ “Wade no!”  _

\---

“Okay sir we have the… 16 drink order,” The poor barista said at the window, “Would you like any drink carriers today?” 

“Nah,” Tony said. She reached out the window holding two of the cups. “I don’t like to be handed things,” 

“I-” she said, tilting her head. 

“That’s fine, I love it,” Pepper said, leaning across Tony to hand out the drinks. “Peter I think your drink is going to give me a heart attack,” 

“Sorry,” Peter said, taking the drink. Pepper continued passing them back while Tony chatted with a mask on with the cashier, when he finally paid.

“Your total is 97.49,” The cashier said. Would you like to leave a tip?” She asked, deadpan. 

“Sure,” Tony said, casually adding a large tip. “Sorry, for this order,” 

“...it’s fine,” She said. “Have a good day,” 

“You too,” he said, pulling forward. “You all have your drinks, right?”

“Mmhm,” They said, nodding. 

“Uh, we have napkins right,” Peter asked, looking at them with whip cream on his nose. Pepper sighed, handing them back to them. 

“Is anyone going to address that Tony dosn’t like to be handed things?” Sam asked. 

“No,” Pepper said. “We don’t talk about it,”

“Can we stop at a bathroom?” Wade asked.

“We literally  _ just _ pulled out starbucks!” 

“Well I can’t control my fucking biology Tony now can I?” Wade asked, gesturing with his Pink Drink. 

“Oh my  _ gosh _ I hate you so much,” Tony said, pulling into the gas station. 

“Well I don’t want to go here,” Wade said. 

“But-” Tony started. Meanwhile, Peter just set his drink down, throwing Wade out the window. “I-” 

“Problem solved,” Peter said. 

“I definitely just pissed myself,” 

\---

They finally found a pair of baggy hawian-style pants inside the convenience store, along with hello kitty underwear. Wade had campaigned for the matching shirt, but Tony drew the line there. So after Wade left his pants in the mini trash can at the convenience store they finally made it to the freeway.

“I’m tired,” Peter said, crossing his arms. 

“Then go to sleep,” MJ said. 

“But I’m also hyper,” Peter said. “Is Loki awake?” 

“Let’s check,” She said, poking him, making Loki jump, taking out his earbud. 

_ “What?” _ He asked, clearly annoyed. 

“We wanted to make sure you’re awake,” Peter said, taking a sip of his frozen hot chocolate (with oreos). “You didn’t look awake,” 

“Well I was,” Loki said. “Or- am…” 

“Loki take out your earbuds and engage,” Natasha said from behind them, flipping through her magazine. 

“Hypocrite,” He muttered, turning his music off. 

“I would be more than happy to start talking about your most recent texts to  _ Jazz-” _

“Okay okay I never said anything!” Loki said, raising his hands defensively. 

“Wait who is Jazz?” Thor said. 

“Oh my- just kill me now!” Loki said, trying to open the car door. 

“Loki we’re going over 60!” Pepper yelled. 

“No more suicide jokes!” Tony said. “You two Bruce!” 

“You try and throw yourself out the car four times, suddenly you get labeled,” Bruce said.

“We’re only going 63, that wouldn’t kill you,” Peter said. 

“Well I was aiming for that semi truck back there,” Bruce said. 

“Do I need to use a spray bottle on you?” Tony asked. “I can get the Wade one, it’s full of acid!” 

“Please!” Bruce said. 

“Oh- it would just disfigure you,” Tony scoffed.

“So…” Peter said after a few awkward beats. “What’s everyone's favorite color…?”

“Purple or nothing!” Clint said from the back. 

“Purple is the color of grapes, which is objectively the worst fruit-” Natasha started. 

“Grapes are green!” Wanda said. 

“You did  _ not _ just diss grapes!” Bucky said. 

“Bucky we have bigger issues right now,” Steve said. “There’s  _ cow’s _ outside!” 

“How are there cows…?” Peter asked. 

“Oh my- does anyone have advil?” Bruce asked, rubbing his head. Pepper threw a line drive strait at his head. “Thank you,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promis we're getting into tony's phyce at some point on this trip, but... uh... first there's some road trip shananigins.
> 
> OH! So I have hEDS, and I JUST NOW found out that it dosn't make normal people's hips and stuff dislocate to sit 'normal' (90 degree angle, feet on the floor) WTF guys! People can just sit like that?


	127. No I wouldn't do a road trip with them either.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While you read this I will be suffering...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy!!!

“So I think we should just go around in a circle and say the biggest part of our behavior we changed due to trauma!” Wade said. “Who wants to go first!”

“I started walking on walls,” Peter said. 

“No, Peter that’s because of your powers,” MJ said. “It dosn’t count.” 

“It does because when I first got my powers I  _ never _ walked on walls,” He said. “But then a giant building fell on my and I had to pick it up, so I stay on walls so I would be trapped vertically,” Peter said. “And then you don’t bare the weight on your back!” 

“I-” Sam said. “I’m going to take notes, if no one minds,” 

“I actually mind very much,” Loki said from where he was sprawled across MJ and Peter. Sam either didn’t hear him or just didn’t care, because he happily continued with the notes. 

“This seems unethical,” Bruce said. 

“No no, it’s great!” Sam said. “It’s like group therapy,” 

“Yeah-  _ Sam there’s a reason we stopped group therapy after one week!”  _ Bruce said. “I think it had something to do with death threats and bombs!” 

“Oh come on, that was just some light joking,” Natasha said, rolling her eyes. 

_ “You stabbed Clint!” _ Bruce said. 

“He got over it!” She said. “Right Clint?” 

“Mmph,” Clint said. Up until the shouting it had appeared that he’d fallen asleep on Natasha’s shoulder. 

“He’s not a morning person,” Natasha said, patting his head condescending. “Anyway, to answer Wade’s question, I always have cyanide and chloroform on my person at all times,” she said. 

“I- don’t want to know,” Bucky said. “I got a metal arm,” 

“That  _ was _ the trauma,” Sam said. 

“Oh don’t worry, there was trauma before that,” Bucky said. “Nazi tourture yah know?”

“Uh huh,” Natasha said. 

“Stevie, it’s your turn,” Wade said with a shit eating grin. 

“Cows,” Steve said with narrowed eyes. 

“I- that’s it? Cows?” Bruce asked. 

“Cows,” Steve reiterated. 

“Don’t ask, that’s a long rabbit trail,” Bucky said. 

“This game feels wrong,” Wanda said. “Does this feel wrong to anyone else? Anyone?” 

“Wanda it’s your turn,” Peter said. 

“How does this turn symptom even work? We arn’t going in order of anything!” She said. “This is stupid, I’m putting my earbuds back in,” 

“Wait- Wanda? Wanda nooo!” 

\---

“-47,081 bottles or beer on the wall, 47,081 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around-”

“Okay, you know what, let’s take a rest stop,” Tony said, pulling a rather sharp turn into the gas station/rest stop area. 

“I’m going to lose my place in the song!” Peter said, scowling as he crawled out of the seat. 

“Oh thank goodness,” Pepper said, rubbing her head. “Peter you’re done with that song,” 

“But it’s fun!” Peter said. 

“I thought you had ADHD, how can you like, focus on a song for that long?” MJ asked. 

“That’s… not how anything works,” Sam said from behind them. 

“How long do you think it will be until we get there?” Loki asked, stretching. 

“Time is a construct,” MJ said, rubbing her eyes. “It’s so bright,” 

“That’s what you get for not looking up for hours,” Clint said. He had finally woken up like three hours later. 

“I’m going to go buy bleach,” Bruce said. 

“The cars new, you don’t need to clean anything,” Steve said. 

“No no, to drink,” Bruce said. 

“Bruce come look at the butterfly!” Thor said, where he had wandered into the middle of the field by the rest stop. 

“I’m buying bleach after I explain how butterflies eat,” Bruce said. 

“Sure you are bud,” Tony said. “Sam did you actually take notes the entire time?” 

“Yes are we addressing that whole ‘handing things’ issue, because that can sometimes be a indicator-” 

“Forget I asked,” Tony said. “I should have known-  _ Peter do not eat that!” _

“You can eat these dads, don’t worry!” Peter said.

“Peter, that’s giant hogweed, it’ll kill you,” Natasha said calmly. Peter dropped the plant. 

“Oops,” 

“I think I’m just going to put my head into a meat grinder so my the time I reform we’ll already be there, hold on,” Wade said. 

“Wade that’s grose,” Peter said. 

“Can I join you?” Bruce asked from the middle of the field, raising his hand. 

“I- no…” Wade said. “Is he fucking okay?” 

“Is anyone?” Sam asked, flipping though his notes. “Tony I really want to address this-” 

“No,” Tony said.

“Okay, I’m going to be getting some snacks for everyone,” Pepper said. “Can all of you try not to die while I’m in there?”

“We’ll see,” Tony said. “Bruce seems pretty committed,” 

“Why is Loki lying on the ground?” She asked. 

“Oh- let me go mess with him,” MJ said, calmly setting down her art supplies before body slamming Loki. 

_ “OH FUCK YOU TO!”  _

\---

“I mean I think about death all the time. I wake up in the morning, I’m disappointed-”

“No. More. Suicide. Jokes,” Pepper said, clapping her hands. 

“Who said it was a joke?” Wade asked, pulling out a knife. 

“If you get blood on me, I will tie you to the tires again I swear,” Peter threatened. 

“When we die are we all going to have to meet Odin's daughter, because that would just be depressing,” Wanda asked. 

“Only if you go to hell!” Thor said. 

“No,” Steve said. “That’s not…” 

“So yes,” Wanda said. “Cool. I assume they don’t let wiches into heaven,”

“Actually there’s this cool passage that was misinterpreted-” 

“Let’s listen to the radio!” Pepper said, aggressively turning the radio on. 

_ “So what if I’m the MOOOOSSSSTTTTEEEAAAARRRHHHHH-” _ The three teens sang in unison to the song, making basically everyone else scream or flinch in some way. 

“Okay no music!” she said, turning it off. “We’re just going to sit in silence until we get there, okay?” 

“...The Tony Stark song is on mom,” 

\---

“Look! We made it!” Tony said. “That wasn’t so bad now was it guys?”

“I’m still disappointed we didn’t crash,” Loki muttered, crawling out of the backseat. 

“The air feels weird,” MJ said, shaking her head. 

“What do you mean?” Natasha asked. 

“It’s like… weird. I donno,” She said, shrugging. 

“It smells different,” Peter said as soon as he stepped out. “Like… not like death and traffik,” 

“Traffik has a smell?” Clint asked. 

_ “Death _ has a smell?” MJ asked. 

“You clearly haven’t been here long,” Steve said, walking past her. “I thought the plus side to waking up a century later was we  _ didn’t _ have to do this,” 

“I’m exited!” Thor said. “I love seeing what midgardions do for fun!” 

“This is more like those phycological tourtore methods I was talking about,” Bruce said. “But with the guise you should be having fun, so you feel guilty,” 

“Let Thor be exited!” Pepper yelled. “Tony do you know how to set up tents?” 

“I’m a engineer, I’m sure I can figure it out,” Tony said. 

“You spent three hours trying to open a coffee cup in the lab yesterday,” Bruce said deadpan.

“Well if you are going to be such a ray of sunshine I can draw a chack circle for you like Inside Out!” Tony shot over his sholder. “I’m sure we’re going to have the tents up in no time,” 

“I’m going to go abuse fish!” Wade said. 

“Fish have rights to!” MJ yelled, following him.

_ “HERE YOU SLIMY MOTHER FUCKERS!” _

“Wade!” Peter said, shooting a web at him, sticking him to the ground. “Stay!” 

“FUCK YOU!” 

“Okay, small problem, all the instructions are in Silbo Gomero, a language spoken on a little island of the coast of spain…” He said. “Which is  _ not _ on of the 37 I speak,” 

“37… that feels excessive,” Bruce said. 

“I had a mission there, I can help translate,” Natasha said.

“Perfect. See! We have a whole hour before the sun sets! We’ll be done in no time!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They where not done in no time.
> 
> guys I have to go back to nannying in like a hour and i've literally been crying about it for a week... wish me luck bc I have never thought those cyanide pills sounded so good until now.


	128. The stars...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I might have added a TINY bit of fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a cold (or covid who knows) and I need to go watch the gremlins. RIP me.

“It said the pole Tony!” Natasha said. 

“What poll! There’s no poll!” Tony said, turning around. 

“Right there! Бля- use your eyes Tony!” 

“You mean the rod?” Tony asked. 

“I’m going to kill you- put the rod through the tent material,” She said. “Rod I swear,” She said, muttering more russion under her breath. 

“Well I can’t read your mind,” Tony muttered, jamming it through perhaps more aggressively then intended, almost ripping it. 

“Tony!” 

Meanwhile, in a attempt to get away from the bickering,which with those two would probably escalate to violence, Peter had used his webs to get up on top of the giant rock formation they were camping next to. It was about the size of his last apartment with May and Ben and almost as easy, if not easier, to scale. It was so quiet that he jumped about a million feet when he realised Wade had followed him up. 

“Hey spidey!” Wade said, sitting cross legged next to him. Peter just rolled his eyes, looking out over the lake. “Whatcha thinking about?”

“I didn’t know it could look so big out here,” Peter said finally, not taking his eyes off the lake. The sun was setting, but because of the clear sky there wasn’t much to watch. “It just goes and goes and goes,” 

“Have you ever been out of the city before?” Wade asked. “Like fucking ever?”

“Not really. When I was really little my parents would fly around a lot going to doctors, but you know how well that worked out,” Peter said. “After that my aunt wouldn’t let me within a hundred feet of any kind of plane or really cars, so I just stayed where the subway took me,” 

“Oh this is going to suck for you when it gets dark then huh?” Wade asked. 

“What do you mean?” Peter asked, tilting his head. “Wade? WA- oh ew,  _ warn me next time!” _ He yelled, looking at the bloody splat of Wade that had now been added to the scenery. “I’m not afraid of the dark,” 

\---

“I didn’t know it could get this dark!” He said, holding onto his flashlight. Wade chuckled at him in the corner with a ‘i told you so’ look. “You can just zip it!”

“Come on, look we have the fire! And the tents are… basically set up,” Tony said. They did end up figuring them out, but it took a lot of bleeding and swearing to even get five up, so they stopped there. “We might have to share more then I originally intended…”

“You can’t see anything at all…” MJ said, looking around. Clint raised his eyebrows at them. 

“Have either of you been out of the city  _ ever?” _ he asked. Peter shook his head, still shining his flashlight at random trees. 

“I had a great aunt who lived upstate, so I went there a bit, but we had to stop when I was ten,” MJ said. “And I didn’t really leave the house so…”

“I didn’t know nature got to be pitch black like this,” Peter said again. Natasha and Clint sent each other a look, grinning. 

“Tony we’re borrowing your kid,” Clint said, standing up. 

“Just bring him back in large pieces at least,” Tony said, trying to do something to the fire.

“What are you doing? Where are we going?” MJ asked, both of them following hastily up the trail. 

“You’ll see,” Natasha said with a grin. They hiked up in silence for a bit, only broken by MJ’s complaints that her shoes were not made for going outside, until they reached the same rock that Peter scaled earlier. 

“Do you think it’s dark enough yet?” Clint asked.

“Close enough,” Natasha said. “Okay, now on my count, I want all of you to turn off all your lights,” She said. Aside from Peters flashlight, MJ had been using her phone, and Clint stole two of Tony’s super bright lanterns. 

_ “What?” _ Peter asked, staring at her. 

“You heard me,” Natasha said. “One… two…” On three they all cut the lights, leaving them in pitch blackness. “Okay now look up,” 

“Look up what…  _ whoa,” _ Peter said. The entire sky was light up, covered in millions of tiny stars, interrupted by a huge crescent moon. “People just see this every day?” 

“Yep,” Clint said, “Pretty cool right?” 

“What do you think MJ?” Natasha asked with a grin. MJ was sitting next to her, cross legged with her head tilted up, staring intently at the sky. 

“I didn’t know stars could look like that,” She said finally. “I thought they where just stupid little dots,” 

They stayed up there until Pepper called Peter, telling him that he needed to come back if he wanted dinner, which he most certainly did. He also apparently wanted to give them all a heart attack by jumping off the ledge and barley stopping himself from becoming a one time Wade impersonator with a web. 

“I heard there was food?” He said, making them laugh. 

“Yeah grab a skewer,” tony said, gesturing to the metal ones he brought. 

“Or a stick,” Steve said. 

“Not a stick,” 

\---

“Clint the tents are safe!” Natasha yelled. “I helped assemble them myself!” 

“Why do you think I don’t trust them?” Clint yelled back. “I’m sleeping in the tree whether you like it or not,”

“Fine!” Natasha yelled, retreating back in the tent. It had gotten several degrees colder then most of them had anticipated and they where trying to stay either by the fire or inside a sleeping bag.

“It just feels wrong,” Peter said. “Who knows the kinds of things that could be out there, just lurking, waiting for prey?” 

“Peter you’ll be fine,” Tony said. 

“Actually he brings up a very good point-” 

“Bruce, I will throw you in that lake if you open your mouth one more time,” Tony said. 

“Ah, sibling love,” Wade said, from where he was sitting, in the fire. Apparently he wanted the entire campground to smell like burnt flesh. 

“But dad-” Peter started. Tony just sighed, turning back around. 

“Would you feel better if I slept in the teen tent?” Tony asked, raising a eyebrow. 

“...yes please…” Peter said, rubbing the back of his neck. Tony shook his head. 

“Let me go get my sleeping bag,” He said finally. 

Ironically, MJ and Loki also seemed jumpy from the dark, so while they still tried to get Clint out of the tree Natasha agreed to let them sleep with her. Just for tonight though, she swore. Meaning they got the tent to themselves. 

“I’m just going to leave this on…” Peter said, flicking on the lantern. 

“Kid neither of us will sleep with that on,” Tony said, reaching over to turn it off. Peter grabbed the lantern before he could, narrowing his eyes at him. “Okay, come on,” 

“I just want a little bit of light, what’s so wrong about that?” Peter asked, shrugging stiffly. 

“Okay I have an idea,” Tony said, pulling off his hoodie so he was just wearing his thin tee-shirt. “Look, the arc reactor glows in the dark, that’s why I sleep with such thick clothes. It will keep it bright enough for you to fall asleep,” 

“...promis?” Peter asked. 

“Course kid,” Tony said. “Just turn the lantern off and you can see for yourself,” 

Peter, very slowly, flipped the switch of the lantern until it flickered off, leaving them in the blue glow of the tent. “I guess this isn’t to bad,” 

“I told you so,” Tony said. “Now are you planning on actually lying down or are you going to sleep like that?”

“Oh,” Peter said, apparently just noticing he was sitting up straight as a bolt. He very stiffly slid into the second sleeping back, his shoulders so tense that they were practically up to his ears. “Sorry,” 

“We need to work on that,” Tony said. “The whole sorry thing,” 

“Sorry,” Peter said. “I- wait…” 

“Goodnight kid,” Tony said, patting his head. 

“Goodnight…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I live near seattle and even a few minutes out of the city you don't really see many stars, so I thought it would be a big contrast for them. Also, I get massivly uncomfortable when I don't have tall buildings, trees and hills around me, so if it's their first time in nature I thought it might be a bit uncomfy. 
> 
> (I guess they had central park but still)
> 
> AND I SWEAR TONY TRAMA IS COMING I PROMISE


	129. pepper is so tired guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

“I do not understand why all of you seem so unhappy while camping,” Thor said. They were eating breakfast, which apparently meant smores if Pepper and Sam were still asleep. “It’s very nice out here,” 

“Monsters,” Peter said. 

“Peter, that was a  _ deer,” _ Tony said. “It was eating grass,” 

_ “At me _ dad, it was eating grass at me,” Peter said, taking a bite of his triple deck smore. 

“We should go swimming when it heats up a bit,” Natasha said. She wasn’t eating smores per say, but she was absolutely charing her marshmallows, much to Clint's horror. “I want to check to see if those bones are still there,” 

“I’m sure he would have washed up and been eaten by now,” Clint said. 

“Well you never know. He was awfully dense so…” She said, taking a bite of marshmallow. Or ash, depending on who you asked. 

_ “...who died?” _ Loki asked. 

“Oh no one that you need to worry about,” 

“That’s not particularly comforting,” Loki muttered. He was not taking part in the smores breakfast, along with his sister. Although they were both making them, they kept handing them to Peter instead. 

“Eat something,” Natasha said, poking them with her skewer. 

“If I eat smores for breakfast I think I will throw up,” Loki said.

“They’re making me sick just looking at them,” MJ said. 

“It’s chocolate or hot dogs,” Clint said. 

“...hand me the graham crackers…” 

\---

“Here, we’re going swimming Tony, do you want to come?” Steve asked, followed by Sam and Bucky bickering behind him. 

“I don’t do water,” Tony said, shrugging.

“Don’t do- how do you just not do water?” Bucky asked. 

“I don’t go swimming. Sorry to disappoint,” Tony said. 

“Is this like how you don’t like to be-” Sam started, trailing off at the screams of terror coming from the water. “Uh…” 

“Yeah. If I did water I would be checking on that right about now,” Tony said, standing up. “Good luck,”

“We… should go check on that,” Steve said. 

“...yeah,” 

\---

It turns out that no one had actually explained to Pepper what Wade’s powers  _ were _ so when he decided to dive bomb the slats of rock from a several thousand foot cliff she was slightly disturbed. 

“Where were you the entire car ride?” Steve asked. “He kept doing crazy stuff like this,” 

“I put in a podcast and tried to ignore anything I didn’t have to be directly confronted with,” She said. “Why- what happens to the… rest of Wade?” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Wade- the majority of Wade- said. 

“You know what, I think I’m going to go do some meal planning,” She said, picking up her towel. “But you guys enjoy,” 

“Aw- come on! I’m already regenerating!” Wade yelled. “Look you can watch my bones re-knite!”

_ “Cannonball!” _ Peter yelled. 

“That’s to high-” Sam started. Peter had jumped off the same place as Wade, but kicked off much harder so he went over the water. He slammed into the middle of the lake, resurfacing almost a whole minute later. “Huh. Good thing Pepper didn’t see that,” 

“Where’s Thor? Water seems like it would be his thing,” Bucky said. 

“Large bodies of water are very much different on Asgard,” Loki said. He had parked on the end of the dock with MJ, neither of them seeming particularly interested in the water either. MJ was reading a book and Loki seemed to be trying to induce heatstroke. At least that’s what Sam hoped he was doing with the tinfoil. 

“What… were they like on Asgard?” Steve asked. 

“More sea monsters. And they where more like a watering hole/bath/toilet for the poor people,” Loki said. “Not exactly appealing for recreational activities,” 

“There’s like… a million fish down there,” Peter said, swimming over to them. “I kinda forgot fish exist…” 

“How do you forget fish exist?” MJ asked. 

“Well like, in theory sure, but real actual fish are weird,” Peter said. “One bit me,” 

“...that’s not a normal fish then,” Steve said. “You know sometimes in brooklyn me and Buck would try and go fishing. We never caught anything,” 

“Except for that one time where you hooked a body,” Bucky said “That was pretty great,”

“Great? That was traumatizing!” Steve said. “I still see it in my dreams. Along with the cows,” 

“Okay what is going on with the cows?” Sam asked. 

“Oh, we went cow tipping because we were bored and a cow tipped him. Then Steve decided to wage war on them,” Bucky said “you know, as you do,”

“It’s been personal for a long time now,” Steve said, narrowing his eyes. 

“Sure it has,” Bucky said, patting his shoulder. 

“They know what they did,” 

\---

“Well fuck you to!” Wade said, throwing down his marshmallow stick. 

“There’s another bag! Right. There,” Tony said, gesturing to the several other bags or marshmallows. 

“I’m getting revenge for this,” Wade said, muttering profanities under his breath. 

“Oh my- look, here I’ll open another bag for you,” Peter said, rolling his eyes. 

“Nah, I think instead I’ll delve into Tony’s biggest, deepest and darkest secrets, exposing his childhood trauma for the world to see,” Wade said. “...Or I might put peanut butter in his shoes. We’ll see,”

“You make me so tired,” Tony said. Peter through a flaming marshmallow at Wade’s face. 

“Peter, don’t throw fire,” Pepper said dully.

“Sorry,” Peter said dully. “Does anyone else hear that?” 

“Here what?” Tony asked. 

“I… don’t know,” Peter said. “I’m going to go check it out,” He said. 

“Wait don’t just go off into the woods it’s going to be dark soon-  _ Peter!” _ Pepper yelled after Peter. Tony had forgotten to take into account that Peter could also swing on trees just like buildings. 

“Hello?” Peter called. “Hell-0000? Are you a deer?” He asked. 

_ “Peter what are you doing?” _ He heard someone hiss. Dropping down from his web, he found MJ and Loki in the middle of the woods. 

“Oh! Hey it’s you guys!! What are you two doing?” He asked. 

“We found this secret trail, you wanna come with us?” Loki asked. 

“Hell yah,” He said. “I have my webs for bears,”

“There arn’t any  _ bears _ in New York genius,” MJ said, rolling her eyes.

“I saw a black bear on the ride over…” Loki said. 

“It’s fine, I could hear one,” Peter said. “If I could tune it out,” 

“Tune what out?” MJ asked, kicking a rock as the trail sloped steeply up. 

“Everything. It’s… it’s a lot nicer then when I would hear things in New York- er New York city, because it’s… like I’m not responsible but…” 

“You’re not making sense,” MJ said. 

“Like- there’s still just… noise. All the time. And it’s awful, but at least they are animals, but then you can’t always tune them out- if I hear something in the city then I need to do something about it right then, but at least then we are… I don’t know,” Peter admitted, shaking his head. 

“MJ, fix your boyfriend this is disturbing,” Loki said, gesturing at Peter. “Oh you two are still dating right?” 

“Wh- yes… I think so?” Peter said. 

“We never really stopped- why would you ask that?” MJ asked. 

“Well everyone else is all touchy feely with their partners. Well Bruce isn’t but honestly my brother seems to make up for that. If I didn’t know better I wouldn’t even know if you two liked each other,” Loki said. 

“Of course I like her!” Peter said. “I just go ‘oh hey she’s pretty’ in my head and never talk about it again!” He said. 

“I mean I don’t hate him…” 

“Hey!” 

“Okay to many feelings for me now,” Loki said. 

“Should we turn back, it looks like it’s getting dark,” MJ said. 

“I’m a spider! I have night vision!” Peter said. 

“No you don’t. Spiders rely on all their other senses, but besides, you’re terrified of the dark,” MJ said.

“I mean how bad could it be,” Peter asked. “The worst thing that could happen is we die,” 

“Oh well when you put it that way,” Loki said, without a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“What are you guys betting on? I was thinking bear attack but honestly I would be okay with starvation too,” MJ said. 

“Well of course you would starve first, you haven’t eaten in a day or two,” Loki said. 

“MJ! You need to eat!” Peter said

“Whatever,” She said. 

“Not whatever! You’re going to end up hurting yourself! Like, for real for real!” Peter said. 

“Uh huh. Here, let’s get going, we need to get moving, I can hardly see three feel ahead of me,” She said, grabbing Peter's hand. 

“Right. We don’t want our parents to get worried,” Loki said, rolling his eyes. “They are going to be  _ so calm,” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm 15 now. That's cool. I got my learners permit today to so the roads are never going to be safe again.


	130. Moose.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My words? Misspelled.   
> My pacing? Awful.   
> Trama? Being set up.   
> Hotel? Trivago.

“I thought taking him  _ into the middle of nowhere _ would be slightly safer!” Tony said. “I mean I wasn’t looking for any miracles but maybe for him to, i donno, stay alive!” Tony said. “Hold on, let me call an ironman suit-” 

“No. You are not calling that suit,” Pepper said, stitching his phone and throwing it in the lake. He forgot constantly that she played softball. “He always ends up back here, I’m sure it’ll be fine,” She said.

“Pepper the kid thought that a moth was a taranchala earlier, I’m not exactly confident in his wilderness survival skills,” Tony said. 

“It’s going to be fine. Maybe he will tire himself out,” She said. “Besides, he’s got super hearing, i’m sure he will be able to find us,”

“He still gets lost in the tower and he’s lived in it for months,” Tony said. 

“Well that’s just a special skill of his then, isn’t it,” Pepper said. “Just wait, I’m sure he got distracted by something like a waterfall and will be right back,” 

\---

“We should try and summon a demon,” MJ said. 

“Didn’t Wade turn up last time we tried something like that?” Loki asked.

“Well yes but-” MJ started. 

_ “Shh!”  _ Peter said, covering her mouth. 

“What?” Loki asked. 

“I hear something!” He said. “It sounds… I don’t know. We need to go check,” He said. 

“Is it on the trail?” MJ asked, removing his hand. 

“Well I can’t use echolocation can I?” Peter asked. “It came from that way I think,” He said pointing. 

“Well don’t just go off-” Loki started. 

“Okay just stay here! I’ll be right back!” He said. 

“Wait I want to come!” MJ said. 

“Can you swing with me?” Peter asked. MJ nodded and Peter grabbed her, pulling her up with him. “Loki do you want to come?” 

“Might at well,” Loki said, shrugging. Peter grabbed him, shooting off a web. 

“I’m still not used to this!” MJ said, turning her face away from the wind. 

“How do you not get ill?” Loki asked. 

“I donno, I guess I’m used to it by now,” Peter said with a shrug. “The noise was close by, just back here,” he said. 

They swang for almost twenty minutes before Peter abruptly cut off the web, tumbling to the ground. Only Peter landed somewhat gracefully. “Maybe warn us next time,” 

“It’s better when you don’t see it coming,” Peter said. “It’s coming from here, can’t you hear it?” 

“Not really,” MJ said, wrinkling her forehead. Peter stood up, walking over to the bushes. 

_ “Holyshit!” _ Peter said. 

“What is it?” Loki asked, jumping up. 

“I don’t know,” Peter said. “Something big,” 

“Big…?” MJ asked, waking over to him. “Shit…” 

“I didn’t know that those are in New York,” Peter whispered. 

“What kind of animal even is that?” Loki asked. Peter kneeled down, looking at its face. 

“I think it’s a moose. I’ve never seen one in real life before,” MJ said. “Not even a zoo. There’s about 600 total in New York State,” She whispered.

“He’s hurt,” Peter said. “See, his foot,” 

“Is that a  _ bear trap?” _ MJ asked. 

“Yeah,” Peter said. “Here, stand back, I want to see if I can get it off,” 

“Let me help, I can put pressure on it,” MJ said. 

“He’s going to like… kick or something,” Peter said. “At least if he kicks me I’ll be fine,” He said. 

“Oh my gosh,” She said, walking around and looking at the wound. “What can we do?” 

“We need to get this off first,” Peter said. 

“What do you do with those? I’ve seen people like shoot them on TV and stuff,” MJ said. 

“I’m just going to bend it back I think,” Peter said. He took a grip on either side of the trap, pulling it back. It was old and rusted, so the metal snapped away, slicing his hands in the process. The moose sprang up as soon as released. “Stand back!” 

Without much hesitation it galluped off the other way into the woods, leaving a small pool of blood behind. 

“I mean it seems better,” Loki said. 

“I wish it would have let me help him,” Peter said. “We really should have wrapped that,” 

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” MJ said, shaking her head. “It seemed sure of itself. How are your hands,” 

Peter looked down at the deep gashes as if noticing them for the first time. “Eh. I’ve had worse,” He said, shakily whipping them on his jeans. 

“How do we get back now?” Loki asked. “Peter can’t swing us,” 

“Course I can,” 

\---

“How long do you think we should wait before going out after them?” Natasha asked. Her and Clint were not apathetic persay, but they definitely could be more freaked. They where both fairly confident in their children’s ability to keep themselves safe. 

“Like three hours ago,” Tony said.

“I bet they're fine,” Pepper said. “Look! See their they are,” She said. “Hi Peter!” 

“Oh thank goodness,” Tony said, sighing. 

“Hi guys…” Peter said, landing smoothly. Loki and MJ both tumbled to the ground, standing up quickly. “So don’t freak out, not  _ all _ the blood is mine…” 

“Most of it is,” Loki said. “Check out his hands,” 

“Some of it is from the moose!” Peter said. 

“The fucking what?” Wade asked.

“Oh we found a moose!” Peter said. 

“And Peter needs a tetanus shot,” MJ said. 

“Let me see your hands,” Tony said, grabbing Peters hands. “Shit…” 

“You will never beleive how big the moose was! And it was like, lying down, and it had gotten stuck in a bear trap and so I pulled it and-” 

\---

“Wade?” Peter asked. Wade had given him a note, that said in so many words to meet him by the fire once he was sure Tony was asleep. “Hello?” He whispered. 

“I don’t have much time Harry so let me get straight to it. Did you put your name in the goblet of fire?” Wade asked, sticking his head through the fire. 

“I didn’t know you read Harry Potter,” Peter said, tilting his head. “What do you want?” 

“Wanna fuck with your dad?” Wade asked. “I need to borrow your laptop to do it,” 

“...yeah okay,” Peter said, handing it to him. “Just don’t do anything to bad,” 

“I’m looking through his shitty childhood. You know, all the stuff Howard would have shoved under the rug?”

“But I don’t think there’s gonna be any new stuff. People watch dad like a hawk. There might be like… one clip or something but I don’t think-” 

“Aw come on kid, think like a fucking villion, not a hero,” Wade said. “We arn’t looking for anything new we are looking for something that hasn’t been addressed and shit. Like fucked up stuff said in interviews and shit,” 

“Okay,” Peter said. “I don’t know how much help I will be but… there was this one that I liked to watch when I was younger where Howard…”

\---

“Tony,” Wade said, folding his arms. “We need you to be ready for a serious and emotional conversation,” 

“Go rail yourself with a fire poker,” Tony muttered. Pepper lightly smacked his arm with a sleepy reprimand. When they woke up they would probably be questioning why Wade had decided to drag them out of bed in the middle of the night. Or, technically three AM.

“He hasn’t had enough coffee yet,” Peter said. “Let’s get back to him,” 

“Oh thank goodness, that’s all I had written down,” Wade said. “By the time everyone is awake to see this I will have a whole slide show,” 

“I bet we can get Wifi up here,” Peter said. “Do you think Friday will help us search for footage?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is so late!!!
> 
> Also I just realized that I had the AUDACITY to think I was straight up until like... last night. ANyway *finger guns*


	131. Oh we been WAITING for this one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> turn it up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for child abuse and laungage.

“Thank you class for attending today,” Wade said, taking out his marshmallow pointer and pointing at the sheet he was projecting on. Peter was definitely Tony’s kid, amd he apparently could build anything out of nothing. “Today I’m doing my presentation on Tony Stark,”

“Boo! Booooooo!”” Clint said from the back. Peter had decided it would be fun to set it all up like a classroom. 

“Clint you start teaching in like six days, you should be the teacher,” Natasha said. “Go grade Wade’s assignment,” 

“Alright Mr. Wilson, remember to cite your sources,” Clint said. “Is that a real thing? I’ve heard other teachers say it on zoom,” 

“Yeah I think so,” MJ said. “I dunno I don’t care,” 

“You have straight A’s,” Peter said. MJ just flipped him off, turning back to her notebook.

“So in our first section we have public scandals, as you can see here the flamingo incident-” 

_ “Next slide!” _ Pepper said. “I already had to do PR for that very  _ public _ mistake once,” 

“If they wanted the flamingos to stay pure they shouldn’t have put them outside my house,” 

“If you want I can just skip to the montage,” Wade said. 

“Sure, go ahead,” Tony said, rubbing his forehead.

“I’m taking points off for that,” Clint said, drawing nonsense in the dirt. 

“If anyone wants the song this is put to, it’s the kids bop cover of all the single ladies,” Peter said. 

“Album 18!” Wade said, pressing play. 

“Oh why. Why did you do that?” Wanda asked, throwing a rock at Peter, who caught it and then threw it at Wade. 

“We could,”

“I hate american men,” Wanda said, pulling her hair up. 

“Hey! I’m canadion,” Wade said. 

“Sense when?” Peter asked. “You have a american flag in your room,” 

“That’s to burn,” Wade said, deadpan. “Alright! Starting the video!” 

“I mean how bad could it be,” 

\---

Despite the kids bop, and the iMovie editing effects, the video was surprisingly good. Wade did reluctantly admit that part of his job was digging up information on people, and apparently he did spend enough time in school to get the power point bit down. 

Most of the video consisted of old interviews and tapes, most of which were public knowledge. There were also a lot of clips of Tony at two three or four years old on time lapse sitting through long speeches or galas. There was the infamis clip of Tony at eight saying he’d gotten drunk before, clips of Tony at high school when he was eleven, so on and so forth. It wasn’t great but it also wasn’t anything anyone hadn’t seen. 

“All of this is on you tube,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. “And why is kidz bop so much worse at a quarter of a speed,” 

“Because it lasts four times as long,” Natasha said. 

“Hold on the beats about to drop,” Wade said. 

Wade was right, and when it did, not only did the video saturation drop significantly, but footage that no one had seen so far started playing across the screen. A few home videos and some deleted clips for news that had never been aired. Tony, for his part, had never looked more bored or unconcerned in his life, slowly flicking through his phone. Until they got to a particular clip. 

“Test day number 87, current test, discernment over blind trust,” Howards voice said over the screen. Tony lifted his head, eyebrows raised. He still didn’t look all too concerned, but he was definitely paying attention. “Materials needed for experiments will include a bunsen burner, a fully metal screw driver and a child,” 

“What the fuck…” Bucky muttered as Howard continued to matter of factly explain how to heat the screwdriver so it could be passed off easily, how to hold it when transferring, and even the minimum distance from other people it should be done, so no one could hear any screaming of course. 

“This is now the Howard we meet…” Steve muttered. 

“So now that your screwdriver has been heater, remember at least to 800 celsius, to much hotter and you can risk melting the steel,” He said. By now Wade had let the kids bop mostly fade so they could hear everything super clearly.

“Look, you can see Tony in the background,” Clint said. Sure enough, behind Howard, there was Tony, about as high as the countertops, reaching above his head to work on some pile of scraps. 

_ “Antony get over here!” _ Howard yelled. Tiny Tony slid off his stool, which now that they looked at it was significantly taller then he was, and walked over to his father, not looking at the camera. “I need your help,”

“With what?” On screen Tony asked flatly. He did not seem particularly exited like they would have expected. 

“My damn hands are too small, I can’t reach inside the shell of this Barrel Bomb. I need you to get that little screw,” He said. Tony nodded blankly and Howard reached over to hand Tony the screw driver. 

“Set it down first,” Tony said on screen. Howard grinned, setting down the screw driver. Tony looked at him before walking over to a drawer, pulling out some tangle of wires. 

“Why are you taking out a thermometer Tony?” Howard asked. 

“To make sure it’s safe to pick up,” He said, fiddling with it. 

“Why is that?” Howard asked, looking at the camera. 

“Because you need to test things first,” Tony said. The thermometer beeped and Tony picked up a rubber tipped… something, and prodded it away from him, grabbing a similar screw driver on his own and leaning across the table. 

“Stupid kid,” Howard muttered. On screen, Tony recoileled, grabbing at his forearm. “Where was the hot screwdriver resting? On top of the metal! Use your brain Antony-” The footage cut out, showing a end title screen, with the kids bop back in full force. 

“Thank you for your time,” 

\---

“Tony. Tony. Tony. Tony,” Wade said, following Tony, who had decided to ‘go on a walk’ after the video finished. “Hello? Tony? Tooooony? Annnnnnntttoooony? Anchovy? Really, nothing?” He asked, throwing rocks at his head. Tony stopped, taking a deep breath and turning around. 

“What do you need, Wade?”

“Did you like my presentation? I had unicorns in the corner but no one noticed,” Wade said. 

“It was very thorough,” Tony said with a nod. 

“I don’t think he liked it,” Wade said to no one. Or no one that Tony could see. “No I’m not- ooooohhh, that’s why you don’t like being handed things huh?” Wade asked. “It all makes sense!” 

“Alright are we done here? I was looking for tinder,” Tony said. 

“Fine, but wait like, eight minutes, Steve or someone is going to try and have a emotionally vulnerable conversation so if you’d rather have that…” 

“Goodbye Wade,” Tony said. Wade shrugged, wandering off to who knows where in the woods while Tony picked up random sticks and broke them in half. True to Wade's word, not ten minutes later Natasha made her way into the clearing. 

“Steve wanted to come. Your welcome,” She said plainly, sitting down on one of the upturned logs.

“So what’s your game plan? Emotional manipulation? Vulnerability? Oh- I bet you have a similar story to help me relate,” Tony said. 

“Tony…” 

“Oh or perhaps the maternal rout. That would be a fun change of pace,” Tony said. “You know, different from the whole ‘emotions are for children’ thing you tend to do,”

“How many times did he do things like that?” She asked, completely unfazed by his teasing,” 

“However often he felt like it. Clearly I got used to it,” Tony said. 

“Tony you don’t get used to child abuse, you learn how to survive it,” she said. 

“I feel like child abuse is going a little far. I mean he wasn’t whipping me with a belt or anything,” Tony said. 

“What would you have thought if you saw someone do that to Peter when he was a little boy?” She asked. “Trying to get him to burn his hands when he wanted to be helpful. Would you still think it was no big deal?”

“Let’s not talk about this right now, alright?” He asked. “The past is behind us, no reason to dwell on it. And it wasn’t that big a deal anyway,” 

“And what’s your plan for when Peter asks you about it? Are you going to tell him that it was normal to? That he should expect things like that? That it’s  _ okay _ to hurt a child like that Tony? What if he had something similar happen? How would he feel if he heard you say it was no big deal?”

“Well he won’t hear me say it so where’s the harm?” He asked. 

“You think that kid, who heard a crying moose 17 miles away, is going to be ignorant because you stepped in the woods? I’m sure he is eavesdropping on us whether he wants to or not, it’s just who he is,” She said. “So really Tony, what do you want him to think?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey.....  
> hey Dirtkid....  
> Hey you like that one?
> 
> ALSO the babysitting kids are back! Yaaay...  
> 6: Hand me the football  
> Me: *hands football*   
> 6: What's wrong with your brain? 
> 
> I-


	132. Stuff

“When do you think they are coming back? It’s been like an hour,” Bruce said. 

“Maybe I should go-” Steve started. 

“No!” Bucky said, grabbing him. “You do not need to make it any worse then it is, trust me,” 

“That was so disturbing. It was like Howard was completely detached from reality, like he was Wade or something,” Clint said. 

“Hey! Wade would only do that to anyone over 18,” Loki said. “Give the man the little credit he can claim,” 

“That… something must have happened to Howard because that is not the man we meet in the forties,” Steve said, shaking his head. 

“I mean…” Bucky said. “I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I definitely could have seen it,” 

“On his own child?” Pepper asked. “I can understand wanting to emotionally and physically scar someone, but not a little kid,” 

“No wonder Tony’s the way he is,” Bruce said. 

“Now we just have to figure out what’s wrong with you,” Wade said. “I think it’s linked to your hair, does anyone else see that?” 

“Bruce- everyone here is screwed up!” Sam said. “I have so much I need to talk to you all about. It's overwhelming!”

“This is why Steve shouldn’t be allowed to make friends, see, Sam could have had a normal life before Steve butted in,” Peter said. He might still hold a slight grudge about the rappin with cap videos. 

“Sam wears a giant metal bird suit, there was no hope of him being normal,” Bucky said. 

“It was from the military!” Sam said. 

“Bite me!” Bucky said, flipping him off. 

“Oh I’ll do worse then that-” 

\---

“We are going to find out the truth, like it or not Tony,” Natasha said, leaning forward. “Like it or not, it will be better to tell me then sit through another powerpoint in front of everyone,”

“It’s not relevant-” 

“Would you like me to tie you up?” She asked, raising her eyebrows. “Put a gag on you, make you write it down? I’m going to be happier if we do,”

“Okay okay, I will admit that Howard may have been a little bit unconventional, but every move was calculated. It was more a game of wits than an abuse of power,” He said. “You saw if in the video, the goal was to make me outwit him. And clearly I learned pretty quick,” 

“That doesn't make it okay Tony,”

“Well maybe not, okay? Maybe it was awful, gross, the worst thing he could think up, but what are we gonna do about that now huh? What, I just go back in time and don’t play along? What’s done is done, there is no need to spend time on that,”

“So you don’t think it’s important to talk about childhood abuse?” She asked. “If you found out, say Bruce, had been abused by his father, and then he wouldn’t talk to you about it, what would you do? Drop it completely?” 

“Why did you grab Bruce as a example for that?” Tony asked, tilting his head. 

“Answer the damn question before I make you,” She muttered. 

“Listen, I think that we are both very different people, so while what you saw may have been bad for you-” 

“Tony,” Natasha said. “I grew up in the red room, do you have any idea what that was like? Starved, shackled to your bed, killing girls you had spent every second of your life with up til that point. I have a  _ very _ high tolerance for children being trained, you’ve seen what I make MJ and Loki do, they can both defuse a bomb with half a hand. That wasn’t anything like training, it was abuse,”

“Well I’m very sorry you feel that way,” Tony said. “Clearly we have differing opinions,” 

“Yes we do,” Natasha said. “So you will understand if I… act on those opinions as I see fit, correct? If I think it would be helpful to, say, go through the old home tapes that Peggy keeps on top of her closet, look for any other unseen footage,” 

“She told me that she burned those,” Tony said. 

“She told me that she only ever dated her husband, I don’t think we can trust her word on things,” Natasha said. “So start talking,” 

“Okay, like I said, it wasn’t all that big a deal to me-” 

“I will crush your throat like a coke can, do not start with this shit again итальянский мудак,” She said. 

“Someday I will actually look up what that means,” 

“Talk. Now,” 

\---

“Bruce! Bruce come back I swear I will make Wade stop talking about insest!” Peter yelled. Bruce turned back to look at him just to raise a eyebrow before continuing, walking in the direction of the dock about two hundred feet away. “Okay bye!” 

“At what point do we call some kind of professional to come and check up on them?” Sam asked. “Becuase it’s been like three hours at this point and I really think that we-” 

“It’s Natasha and Tony,” Pepper said. “I would love to see what happens to anything that tries to kill those two,” 

“Alright, fair point,” Sam said. 

“So… what do we… do now?” Peter asked. “We made it, we exposed some trama, we ate smores, but what do we do?”

“I’m gonna go vandalize a bridge,” MJ said. “I brought spray paint,” 

“Just cover up the cameras first,” Clint said. 

“Wait you’re gonna let me go?” She asked. 

“Are you going to find any moose?” Clint asked. MJ shook her head. “Okay perfect, go ahead. Just take your phone and don’t get caught,” 

“...okay!” She said, grabbing her backpack. 

“Can I come with you?” Peter asked. 

“Can Peter come?” She asked tilting her head. 

“Just don’t tell Tony or Nat,” Clint said, taking a sip of the instead coffee. He was seriously considering just snorting it at this point. “And don’t do anything to get either of you on the news,” 

“Okay! Bye!” MJ said, darting off. Peter ran after her, grabbing her hand just before they disappeared behind the trees. 

“You don’t think they are gonna do anything?” Bucky asked. “I don’t know how much things have changed sense the forties but…” 

“With Peter? I would love to see how that ends up happening,” Clint said. “Besides, Loki doesn't know how to entertain himself alone, he’ll go find them in like five minutes,” 

“Not true!” Loki said. Clint just raised an eyebrow. 

“Whatever you say,” 

\---

“-Which is abuse Tony, that was an abusive action,”Natasha said. “In fact- here, the legal definition of child abuse, child abuse is defined as when an individual acts or fails to prevent something that causes serious harm to a child under the age of 18. This harm can take many forms, such as serious physical injury, serious mental injury, or sexual abuse or exploitation.  _ What does that sound like to you?” _

“Something awful that has happened to many other people,” Tony said, crossing his arms. 

“Oh my- you know what this is like?” She asked. “You sound exactly like Peter did when you were explaining ADHD to him. You do remember that right? You are denying basic logic,” 

“It’s like beauty. Child abuse is in the eye of the beholder,” Tony said. Natasha just raised an eyebrow. “Okay- so my dad may have been a jerk, but we all knew that already. I just had some insider information,” 

“Tony…” She said, 

“Nat, look, I clearly turned out fine. It wasn’t like he used me for his own personal entertainment, the guy could barely look at me, why would he? But- here, the point is that everything that man did he did for a reason. He wanted to teach me something and he accomplished that,” 

“And what did he teach you?” Natasha asked. 

“He taught me-” 

“Not to trust the people closest to you. Is that it?” 

“To evaluate,” Tony said, crossing his arms. 

“Everything. If that video was any indication things would rarely be safe for you in your house, correct?” She asked. “Maybe poison in your water by the bed that wasn’t there the night before. A toy that would electrocute you?” 

“Actually it was spontaneous combustion,” Tony said. 

“So  _ what kind of effect _ do you think that would have on a person Tony? Not trusting anything anyone did for you ever. Do you think that’s any kind of normal or even helpful behavior?” 

“I trusted one man after my mother's death,” Tony said, leaning forward. “One. How well did that work out for me,” 

“Not everyone’s like Obidia, Tony…” Natasha said. 

“Well they sure as hell ain’t sunshine and rainbows either,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I had a idea...
> 
> If you have tik tok (first of all unfollow me if you followed that cringy account link I posted forever ago, so sorry about that) BUT there is this girl called like Alien Girl or something (aliengirl._._) and if you look at her account thats sorta what I want to make MJ sorta turn into eventually. Like as she gets more comfy and stuff. Lemme know what you think!


	133. Loki beith confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And emotinal conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is with great honor that I present you with...
> 
> happy MJ
> 
> (also scared of Natasha)

“I think- so I want the hair to go like… here,” MJ said, taking her marker and drawing a huge swooping line. “And then- oh! Here let’s see if- I want to paint some of this pipe to, maybe make it like a sign or something-” She said. 

“That looks really cool,” Peter said. He was sitting on the dirt and concrete below the ledge she was balancing on, watching. He loved watching her get excited about art, it was pretty much the only thing that would actually make her bounce. 

“Oh and I think like a third eye here,” She said, making more marks and lines. Peter had no idea what it would look like but he knew well enough to trust the process with her. “Let’s see, Peter can you help me pick colors out?” she asked. Peter nodded, grabbing the bag. “Look for neons!” 

“Okay!” He said. She had gotten a very large collection of huge paint markers, air brushes and spray bottles from her job. She had stubbornly worked at a vietnimies restaurant, reading from a veitamise to english dictionary for months to save up money, and then send him or Ned in to pay for the art after a few cashiers didn’t let her buy anything. 

He picked out some bright yellows, oranges and blues for her, which she seemed to approved of, picking up one of the oranges, shaking the can and standing on tip toes to reach the first section she had taped off. 

“What are you two doing?” Loki asked, walking up behind Peter. 

“Watching her paint,” Peter said. “Wanna join?” 

“Why would I?” Loki asked, but sat down anyway, eyebrows raised in suspicion

“Watch how she paints,” Peter whispered. Loki rolled his eyes, but crossed his legs, leaning forward to watch. MJ didn’t seem to have noticed that Loki was there yet, jumping from one thing to the other with her spray. 

“She’s very… animated,” Loki said. Peter nodded. 

“Don’t talk about it after though or else she’ll get upset,” Peter said. “I didn’t know she would ever be this happy until we decided to prank on of our teachers and drew on his car,” 

“What could he have possibly have done to deserve that?” Loki asked. 

“Uh, he beat up this kids servis dog,” Peter said. “And tried to induce seizures on him, so we bullied him until he quit,” 

“...admirable,” Loki said. 

“ Yeah we thought so,” Peter said. “She drew and painted all over her old room to piss off her parents. In both apartments to, it was pretty cool,” 

“Does she not do that anymore?” Loki asked. 

“Well… it wasn’t endearing her parents to her at all, to say the least,” Peter said. 

“Huh,” 

“Hey Peter is it weird if I paint the whites of the eye green and the middle orange and yellow?” She asked, turning around. “Oh hey Loki,” 

“Nah,” Peter said, leaning back. 

“What kind of a eye would look like-” Loki started. Peter put a hand over his mouth. “Mmph!” 

“We’re here to watch, that’s it,”

\---

“If you want me to take the stick out of your throat then you will need to agree to write down or say  _ everything _ got it?” Natasha asked. Tony glared at her but nodded, and she pulled the stick out. She hadn’t gone easy on him, it was pine. 

“I didn’t expect that,” Tony rasped after a second, spitting out some dirt. 

“Well I did warn you several times,” She said. “Now spill,” 

“Alright, I can… reconstruct a holographic timeline, but I need you to keep this between the two of us. I know that you are can keep a secret but the rest of the team,” 

“I understand,” She said.

“Alright, well we need to start before I was actually born, at the point when he had to find a wife, to cover up him and Peggy, now that’s when my ‘mother’ enters the picture, with modern day arranged high class political marriage…” 

“I- okay, go ahead,” She said. 

“So, she was trapped by her father, right, because his plan was to cut her off, so she had planned to run away, but you know who my dad was, so he basically tricked her to stay with her as long as possible until it was announced to the world, in which case she couldn’t leave without backlash to her family,” 

“Right. Basic manipulation,” She said. “Makes a lot of sense,”

“Well it would if he wanted her to stay,” Tony said. “They both lived in hell around each other for years, finally my dad built basically another house and attached it. They got a lot happier. Howard could take home all the women he wanted and my mother could smoke and drink all day,” He said, adding a mark to the hologram line. 

“Okay,” She said. “Go on,” 

“Well then he had to explain to her about what was going on with me, so he, instead of admitting what was going to happen, simulated a pregnancy with her. I’ve spend weeks in the lab trying to figure out how he did that, I still don’t know. Anyway, he told her she needed a C-section…” 

“Are you serious?” She asked. 

“Knocked her out, when she woke up showed her me. Jarvis told me after I asked him,” Tony said. “She never questioned it, and I clearly didn’t know until I decided to do a blood test for fun, found out she wasn’t actually my mom. I tried to talk to my dad first,” Tony said. “He held me off the roof until I swore to never mention it again. To anyone,” 

“How old were you at that time?” she asked. “Fifteen? Sixteen?” 

“Seven,” 

\---

“-And then I was thinking if we did something with the dirt like, maybe I could throw it on here, and when it dries… okay I know what I’ll do,” MJ said. 

“So, how long will she do this for?” Loki asked. 

“Pretty much until she finishes what she’s painting, or until someone brings it up to her, then she will kinda snap out of it,” Peter said. “I try to sit back and stay quiet so that she doesn't get distracted or anything,” He said. 

“I have literally never seen her anything like this,” Loki said. “Even when she talks about art it’s all grids and lines and technique,” He said. “I always end up zoning out half way through,” 

“Well that’s her talking about art, not doing art,” Peter said. “She seems a lot less mean when she’s doing art, that’s for sure. That’s when _ I  _ stopped being scared of her at least,”

“MJ scared you? She weighs almost nothing,” Loki said. 

“Well you would be surprised,” Peter said. “Her words are very scary,”

“I still do not understand midgardian art. Why would you draw something other than to document it?” Loki asked. 

“Uh… I don’t know,” he said. “Hey! MJ why do you paint!” He yelled from up ahead. MJ slid down the hill, shaking out her hair. 

“It needs to dry. What was the question again?” She asked, tilting her head. 

“Loki wants to know why you paint things other than just stories and stuff,” He said. 

“It’s like… you have to write a story right? Like if you have a story in your head, and then you want to tell other people about that story? Drawing is just the same, you need to show people the pictures you make up in your brain so you know the world has seen them,” She said. 

“But who will see them under the bridge?” Loki asked. 

“Whoever comes here next,” She said. “My art isn’t the only art down here, so whoever wants to come and spray something next will get a chance to see what I made,” She said. “Oh- it should be dry though, are you ready?” 

“Ready for what?” Peter and Loki asked. She went to her bag, grabbing one of the large bristle brushes the size of her hand, brushing it over the painting. “Whoa…” 

Where she had stuck the dirt beforehand added texture for a lot of the hair and face, but it also made the outline of the eye in the hair, revealing the huge swirling pattern around it with another color underneath. 

“What do we do with it now?” Loki asked. 

“Now we go home,” MJ said, picking up her bottles.

“And just leave it here? Really?” Loki asked. 

“I’m gonna put it on instagram though,” Peter said, taking out his phone and snapping a picture. “I’ll @ you though,” 

“What does that mean?” Loki asked. 

“Okay we need to have a internet class,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we are painting my room (yay) and I start work tomorrow, but I might have to start painting immideatly after work, so we'll see if I can update. I should be able to start writing around 9pm so I can probably get it out, but if it's late thats why. Sorry!!!


	134. What do you even title this?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm OUTTA JUICE my good fellows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow room painting and Elers Danlos do not mix well and now my joints are dislocating. Like, actually dislocating, my finger is out while I typed this lol.

“Alright, so you turned eight, where would you be academically at this point?” Natasha asked, leaning forward and resting on her knees. 

“Academically… oh! This is when I started high school,” Tony said. “The teachers must have liked me because they held onto me for seven years,” 

“You started high school at eight years old?” Natasha asked. 

“Oh yeah. Hell on everyone- would you like to see the documents?” He asked. 

“At this point I don’t feel it to be necessary,” Natasha said. “So where’s the tick mark for that?” She asked. 

“What tic?” He asked. 

“Sending a fifteen year old to high school could possibly be child abuse, at eight it absulutly is,” She said. “Other kids bullied you I assume,” 

Tony snorted, shaking his head. “That would never be tolerated. If anything I bullied them,” he said. 

“Shockingly I do not have a hard time believing that,” She said. “But we’re adding a mark for that, and about ten marks for everything that will come with that,” She said, raising an eyebrow when Tony when to disagree. 

“Listen, as entertaining as I have found this I think at this point they might be a bit concerning for everyone that we haven’t emerged from the woods yet, so if you feel like picking this up another time…” 

“What if we do this,” Natasha said. “What if I take all of these notes, and I give them to Sam, who has watched enough Youtubes that I think he will be able to figure out what to do with it,” She said. 

“That sounds perfect,” Tony said, stretching. 

“Good. I don’t do the part where you make people feel better,” Natasha said. 

“And Sam can be manipulated,” Tony said. 

“Hey all I want is the information, what he choices to do with it is up to you and Sam,” 

\---

“Oh look, you found Loki,” Clint said as the three kids emerged from the path they had gone down on. “Good for you,” 

“Yeah yeah yeah, shut up,” Loki muttered with an eye roll. “I just happened to tag along as they were walking back,” 

Clint raised his eyebrow at the other two kids behind him, who both shook their heads. “Sure you did,” He said, taking a sip of coffee, which Pepper had dared to suggest he shouldn’t drink at 2 PM. “So, where’d you go?” 

“We were just under that bridge under there,” Peter said, pointing. MJ nodded, opening her book. 

“What did you guys do under the bridge?” Sam asked, confused. 

“Nothing much,” MJ said. “I’m gonna go read on the dock,” 

“Alright, see you later then,” Clint said. Loki waited until she was out of earshot, watching her leave, before turning to Clint. 

“Can I show you what she did?” He asked immediately. 

“Uuugh, do I have to move?” He asked. Loki just raised an eyebrow and Clint got up with a grone. “I’m up,” 

“Peter do you remember the way?” Loki asked, turning to him. Peter nodded with a smile. 

“Oh- we’re not hiking are we?” Clint asked. 

“It’s like a two minute walk just around the bend,” Peter said. 

“It’s really only a moment,” Loki said. 

“Fine,” 

It was not, in fact, just a moment. It probably would have been if MJ had been leading them, because she had scouted out the place beforehand, but Peter and Loki ended up wasting twenty minutes at least arguing over whether to take a turn or not. Finally they just followed the noise and ‘smell’ of the traffic over the bridge and found it half an hour later. 

“Okay it’s just over here,” Peter said, scrambling up the dirt hill. “See? She forgot some of her brushes. We should take them back,” 

“She did the really big one,” Loki said, pointing. 

“Whoa,” Clint said. “That far surpass the stick figures I drew at her age,” 

“Isn’t it cool!” Peter said. “I love watching her paint. She used to do this kinda stuff all the time,” 

“Why’d she stop?” Clint asked, stepping up to look at some of the finer details. 

“Well she did it because her parents hated it, so she probably wanted to be nicer to you guys,” Peter said. “She did both of her rooms like this. One was orange and one was purple themed and they were the coolest things I’ve ever seen,” 

“She could do that back at the tower,” Clint said. 

“You should tell  _ her _ that,” Loki said. “I have never seen her act the way she does while painting. It was… unnerving,” 

“Yeah she’s super happy when she paints,” Peter said. 

“Huh…” 

\---

“Are you  _ sure _ you are taking the correct way?” Natasha asked. 

“I promise it’s this way,” Tony said. 

“And I promise it’s the exact opposite way,” She said. “Look, I tied some of Bruce’s shirt to that tree,” 

“I- why  _ Bruce’s _ shirt?” He asked. 

“Whenever I need scrap fabric I take Bruce’s clothing. It’s amusing to watch him try and find the missing shirts,” 

“That- is funny,” Tony said, pointing at her. 

“I’m just so glad I have your approval,” She said with an eye roll. But she did look pleased with herself. 

“Here’s a question,” Tony said. “Sorta like payback- does this whole ‘russian spy’ thing get old for you?” 

“What do you mean?” She asked, ducking under a branch. 

“The whole ‘I don’t let people close to me and don’t talk about the cool stuff I do because no one can know’ thing. I mean, I could tell a hour long story about getting coffee, I don’t think I could pull that off,” 

“Sure you could,” She said. “Clearly you are not always the most honest with us,” She said. 

“But it’s  _ you _ not something you do,” He said. “You know I wonder what you would be like without all the trauma and stuff. I think it would be interesting,” 

“I want to see everyone here without the trauma,” She said. “I guess some things we’ll never know,” 

Tony was quiet for a second, trekking down the path. “Do you think the kids do that?” 

“What?” She asked, letting go of a branch and smacking Tony in the shoulder. 

“I mean think about it. Peter’s had more shit then half of us, Asgard is  _ clearly _ an awful place, and we don’t know half of what happened to MJ,” He said. “It’s just a thought,” 

“Well, I guess we’ll never know, huh,” 

“Yeah…”

\---

“I’m scared,” 

“It’s just a little drop,” 

“This drop was not here before,” 

“Well maybe if you had-” 

“The camps this way!” Peter yelled from the bushes. 

“How did you…” Clint started. 

“Someone made a sandwich,” Peter said. They blinked at him in confusion. 

“Care to elaborate?” Clint asked.

“I can smell it. It’s just about half a mile that way,” Peter said, taking off.

“A sandwich?” Loki whispered, trekking after him.

“Maybe it’s a grilled cheese,” Clint said with a shrug. 

“Uuuugh,” 

_ “Come on I can see the fire!” _

\---

“Oh hey, you’re back,” Bruce said, waving at Tony while poking the fire with the stick. They were trying to not let it burn down because apparently none of them knew how to start one but Clint and Nat and they were of a mind that they could all freeze, so Bruce has been instructed to keep it going. 

“Yep! Found alive,” Tony said, sitting down smoothly. If Bruce felt at all awkward after the video earlier, it wasn’t going to show, because as soon as Tony sat down he launched into some scientific discussion with him. 

“Has anyone seen the kids?” She asked. 

“MJ’s on the dock and Peter and Loki are off with Clint somewhere,” Steve said from where he was sprawled across a log, his head on Bucky's lap. 

“Great, they're probably dead,” She said, shaking her head. “Cool. I’m going to go look for some food. Pepper we have watermelon right?” 

“Yes! Finally, please eat something other than candy,” She said, handing her the tupperware. 

“Thank God,” She said, prying off the lid. “When did the other three leave?”

“I donno, they should be-” Pepper was cut off by screaming from the bushes. Not three seconds later Peter and Loki stumbled out. “Back soon… where’s Clint?” 

“He’s attacking a flock of pigeons,” Peter said. 

“He’s  _ what?” _ Natasha asked. 

“Well they started it,” Loki said. 

“I told you all, pigeons are the most evil animal found on midgard, including humans,” Thor said. “You should hear what they talk about at night…” 

“Okay I’m gonna go get Clint…” She said, standing up. “No one else leave the camp for now, okay?” 

“Sure,” Peter said, tossing a rock in the air. “Can I climb a tree?” 

“I don’t care, go ask Wade or something,” 

_ “Yessss,”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question, for the next plot point (aside from them going back to school) would you rater see some depressing stuff with Bruce or see some more stuff with Loki and Asgard? Or should I have T'challa... yah know? I have ideas for all three. Or should I do two at once? Give me ideas!


	135. Copperheads...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lol i'm in drivers ed while I post this fml
> 
> at least my prof's funny...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW... creepy crawlies...
> 
> I spend to much of my time worrying about my reviewers. Like to much.

“Peter get out of that tree, you’re going to crack your skull open!” Tony yelled up. 

“But Natasha said to ask Wade if I could, and he said to ask his unicorn, and the  _ unicorn _ said yes!” Peter yelled back. 

“I don’t give a shit what Wade’s unicorn said, that tree’s dead!” He said. Peter sighed, dropping down in front of him. “I-”

“Oh come on, I didn't get hurt or anything,” He said, brushing himself off. “What did you want?”

“I- fine. We were going to try and re-write all of the campfire songs to make them dirty, I assume you want to help,” Tony said. 

_ “Absolutely,” _ Peter said with a giant grin. “Are you doing it to bully Bruce?” 

“Well it was going to be Bruce and Steve but he seems considerably less bothered by swearing now that Bucky’s here,” he said. “But that reminds me, I need to bully him about not being upset by cursing,” 

“You do you dad,” Peter said. “Anyway, I was setting up my Wifi network thingy that I built,” Peter said, pointing to a… something in the trees. “I wanted to be able to talk to Ned,” 

“Why?” Tony asked. “Why would you want to talk to Ned?”

“He’s my friend dad,” Peter said with an eye roll.

“I mean… by choice?” Tony asked. “Hey! Where are you going- it was one questing!” 

“Tony stop corrupting Peter, we’re going to play a board game,” Natasha said. “Because apparently if you look away for one minute the entire camp will run off and wage war on pigeons,”

“I think that it was better than the war that Steve was trying to wage on cows earlier today,” Clint said, crossing his arms. 

“No monopoly,” Pepper said, sitting down. “Tony basically lives it, it won’t be fair,” 

“Oh let’s play Flux!” Clint said, grabbing a card game out of the pile. 

“Sure that works,” Tony said. 

The entire team was called, and after Clint spent at least ten minutes trying to get everyone to ‘close the damn gaps’ they were ready to get started. They decided Sam should deal, because for the most part they trusted him to not do anything to the cards. 

“I still think this is a bad idea,” Bruce said. “I just want to put that out there,” 

“Good to know,” Tony said. 

“It’s just a card game, what’s the worst that could happen?” 

\---

“-which means Peter and I have to traid hands…” Tony said, switching with Peter, who was sitting across from him. 

“You know what, fuck you Antony,” Peter said. 

“Oh it’s on kid,” Tony said. 

“You know what we’ve been playing for a few hours, now might be a good time to take a break,” Pepper sudjusted, standing up. 

“Noooo,” Tony whined. 

“Yes. Come one everyone. I need some of you to help me make dinner,” she said. 

“Can’t we just have sores and hotdogs again?” Peter asked. 

“I don’t want everyone to throw up Peter,” She said. “Sam! Bucky! You two are helping me,” 

“I’m not helping if Sam is,” Bucky said, throwing his hand down. 

“Well if you want to be like  _ that _ then I-” 

_ “Boys,” _ Pepper said. They both shut up pretty fast. “Good, come on, follow me,” 

“They should know by now that helping with dinner is never a sudjustion,” Natasha said, watching in amusement at the two of them chopped vegetables  _ at _ each other. 

“That’s my celery,” Bucky said, narrowing his eyes at the vegetable that Sam had. 

“I am going to  _ strange you-” _ Sam said, dropping his knife,” 

“Kinky,” 

“Wade!” 

\---

“You know Peter Pan is the angel of death…” MJ said, stabbing a potato with her fork. 

“He’s the fucking what?” Wanda asked, dropping her fork. 

“So the idea is that all the children, like Wendy Darling, are dead and-” 

“-And we are changing the subject!” Peter said. “Seriously, I can’t emotionally invest in this argument with you again,”

“So, you three school on Monday,” Clint said. 

_ “Monday _ ?” Peter asked. “Great,” 

“Uh, three?” Loki asked. 

“Well you aren't 18 yet bud,” Natasha said. “And as smart as I’m sure you are, you need someone to teach you how to write a paper,” 

“...why?” Loki asked. 

“Because I said you have to, happy?” Natasha asked. 

“Not even in the slightest,” Loki said. 

“It’ll be good for you to meet kids your own age,” Clint said. 

“I’m 17,000 years old,” Loki said. 

“Only on earth time,” Natasha said. 

“Uh- no he is not,” Thor said from behind where Bruce was explaining the concept of dandelions to him. “Loki’s  _ 16,000 _ years old. Don’t think I will allow you to trick them,” Thor said. 

Natasha rubbed her forehead with her free hand. “So you’re not 17?” 

“You know the translations with human years are… squishy at best,” Loki said. 

“I’ll bump him down a grade when I get the internet,” Clint said. “I have teacher passcodes and stuff,” 

“Ooh, I keep forgetting about that plotpoint,” Wade said. “Probably the author. You know she’s a bitch,” 

“Uh huh,” Peter said. “Why are you still even talking. Like why…” 

“Peter was nice to him, he had issues,” Pepper said. 

“I mean she’s not  _ wrong-” _

\---

“So the dandelions plant themselves in the ground after the wind blows?” Thor asked. 

“Yes, exactly,” Bruce said. 

“Well… then why do you have to blow them out?” Thor asked. “Can they not simply distribute themselves? How would a plant like this survive in the wild? Or are there dandelion blowers that they hire?” He asked. 

“Well you don’t have to blow them out, it’s just something fun to do. And it can help with population density of the weed see-” 

“I thought it was a flower,” Thor said. 

“Oh well- they do flower but they are classified as a weed both because of distribution to growth rate as well as their biological classification which is of an invasive species,” Bruce said. “Those are also classified as a root usable for a semi-sustainable food source. It wouldn’t surprise me if there is something like that up on Asgard actually because uh-” 

“Hold on,” Thor said, picking up the pen, before slamming it into the table. “Sorry, checking for my brother,” He said, handing it back to him. 

“Oh… thank you,” He said, taking the pen back. 

“So where did they start? Dandelions?” Thor asked. 

“Oh well that’s interesting, so they are originally from Eurasia, but basically everywhere that was colonised or been traveled has been seen to have them, which is why they are seen as invasive, at least partially, in fact one of the only places they don’t  _ naturally _ grow is India, and a few places in Africa, however sometimes…” 

“Hold still,” Thor said. Bruce, of course, didn’t, turning to look at him with at least mild concern in his eyes. 

“What?” Bruce asked. 

“Nothing,” Thor said, before smashing his hammer onto the stone next to Bruce. “See, fine,” 

“What  _ was _ that?” Bruce asked with moderate horror. 

“Just a snake. I thought it was my brother at first,” He said. “Don’t worry it’s fine, I wasn’t trying to kill it,” 

“Out of curiosity, how many times exactly has it really been your brother?” Bruce asked. 

“To many,” Thor said, narrowing his eyes at the snake. “I’m still not convinced,”

“Whoa whoa, stay back, that’s a Agkistrodon Chordata,” Bruce said, pushing Thor back. “Er, Copperhead. They’re really poisonous,” He said. “Look at that light- it’s almost a sprinkled pattern over the dark base, it’s one of the eight species,” 

“Facts later, let’s not get killed,” Thor said, grabbing Bruce’s arm and pulling him back. “We can study pictures, not the real thing,” 

“Right, of course, of course,” Bruce said, scampering back. 

“What do we do now?” Thor asked. “On Asgard we would just kill it but…” 

“That’s why Asgard’s ecosystem is endangered,” Bruce said. “We need to… let it leave on it’s own,”

“But is that not dangerous?” Thor asked. 

“It’s less dangerous than if we try and kill every poisonous animal we find,” Bruce said. 

“Only the ones we find though,” Thor said. “I mean just one…” 

“Don’t kill it!” Bruce said, holding up his hand to keep Thor from hammering it. “Alright, we’re just going to back up very, very slowly, okay?” He said, slowly removing himself from the bench. 

“Alright,” Thor said. “Slowly…” 

“And quietly,” Bruce said. “It’ll be fine, just stay quiet and-” 

_ “WADE GIVE ME BACK MY SUIT OR I’M GOING TO THROTTLE YOU WITH THE STRAPS ON THE TENT!”  _

“Nevermind-  _ run!” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6: "I'm not eating my pea's,"   
> His mom: "Look at Greta, she eat's her pea's. Be like Greta,"  
> 6: "But I hate Greta..." 
> 
> Also I can't remember the last time I have any kind of vegetable that wasn't in gummy form so I can't disagree. 
> 
> Also I dislocated my ankle while carrying a kid and I just jammed it back it and idk if it's bad that I kept walking on it but now my ankle is all messed up so fml.


	136. Bold of you to assume I wouldn't bring this up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha I'm physically and emotinally ~broken~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter in the end is ME

The team were all sitting around the campfire, which was still miraculously going. Steve and Bucky where engaged in a whisper argument about cows, MJ was explaining some art concept to Peter, and Clint and Thor were heating up the metal marshmallow skewers until they were glowing red and then stabbing marshmallows. The rest of them where just sitting there, Pepper and Tony on their phones. 

“Tony,” Pepper said, lowering her phone. “A word,” 

“Mmph,” Tony said from around the marshmallows in his mouth. “Alright,” He said. 

“Peter put in ear buds,” Pepper said, handing him a pair. It was basically the only effective way to make sure he didn’t hear anything. Cover it up with a even louder and closer noise. 

“But-” 

“Now Peter,” She said, raising her eyebrows. Peter narrowed his eyes, nodding. “And turn them on!”

“What did you need?” Tony asked, whipping his mouth. Pepper turned her phone to face him. 

“Did you see this?” She asked. 

“I’ve just been responding to emails,” He said. “Wakanda gives threatening message to USA through… queen Shuri?” He asked. “Uh, typo?” 

“No, watch it,” She said, turning on the video and holding it up for him. Tony staired at the video, immediately confused and concerned.

“When did he…” 

“We need to get home and address this,” She said. “The government’s going to be allover it and we already have made our support of Wakanda very public,” 

“And help out Shuri however we can,” He said. 

“I could get the jet out here tonight but…” She said, trailing off. 

“No let’s just pack up the car. We where cutting it close with the kids and school anyway,” He said. “And I think Thor has sworn off nature. Between that, and Steve with the cows…” 

“Alright, you let them know, I’ve got a few calls to make,” She said. “I assume we should fly out there soon, check in on her, let her know what we’re doing over here,” She said. “She’s so young for this,” 

“I’ll call ahead,” Tony said. “And I think I have a backway, the trip should be somewhat shorter this time, maybe knock off a hour,” 

“Perfect,” She said. “And you have to tell Peter about T’challa,” 

“It’ll break his heart! He thinks- thought that he was the coolest guy ever,” Tony said. 

“Welcome to children Tony,” 

\---

“Is anyone going to tell us why we had to leave early or…” Peter asked. 

“No,” Tony said. 

“Who died?” Peter asked. 

“What- why would you think someone died?” Tony asked. 

“Because all the adults are acting weird,” Peter said. Instead of telling Peter directly, he instead told all the adults in hopes that maybe someone would let something slip to him. Instead it resulted in awkward silence. 

“That dosn’t mean anything,” Tony said. 

“Is it Peggy? She said she had dementia,” Peter said. 

“No, Peggy’s fine,” Pepper said. 

“So someone did die,” Peter said. 

“Look! Clouds!” Steve said. “Let’s look at those for a minute! And not talk!” 

“Smooth,” Bucky said, elbowing him. 

“Well I’m just- nothing. Uh… nothing,” He said, looking at Peter. 

“Oh my gosh, MJ do you know what’s going on?” Peter asked, poking her. She took out her ear bud with disdain. 

“What?” She asked. 

“Nevermind,” He said with a sigh. She offered him the other ear bud which he took, keeping his eyes narrowed at Tony while he did. 

“I’m framing this,” Clint said, taking a picture of them. “Look how cute they are!” 

“I’m framing this one where she’s flicking us off,” Natasha said. 

“Oh how cute!” 

\---

“So is everyone really going to keep this a secret?” Loki asked. “Really?” 

“Keep what a secret?” Natasha asked. “The thing that I did with that stick? Because Tony needed the encouragement,” 

“Wait- what did you do with the stick?” Loki asked. 

“We’re keeping it a secret,” Natasha said. “Now leave me alone. Go bully Bruce or something, I don’t care,” 

“But he’s sitting next to my brother,” Loki said. “And I try to avoid Thor as much as I possibly can,” 

“Well… I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” She said, putting back in her own ear buds. Pepper had made everyone prove that they ahde some because she was trying to keep everyone as quiet as she could.

“Whatever,” Loki said. “I’m going to freeze random things I see on the side of the road with magic,” 

“Uh huh,” 

\---

_ “MJ!” _ Clint said. 

“Wh- oh no no no, it’s glue and paint, see,” MJ said, holding up what looked like a gash on her arm, “See, it comes off,” 

“Wh- uh-” Clint said. 

“Look it’s just paint,” She said. “Look I can smack my arm and nothing happens,” She said, smacking her arm. 

“MJ while that off before you give the entire car a heart attack,” Pepper said, passing back a pack of baby wipes. “Or get paint everywhere,” 

“Do I have to take off the thing I did on Peter’s face?” She asked, gesturing to where she had spelled out ‘penis’ on his face with fake bloody gashes.

“...please,” Pepper said. MJ rolled her eyes, aggressively scrubbing at his face. 

“I mean okay but…” She said, looking at his face, which was now just smeared in red paint. “It’s a good thing he’s a heavy sleeper,” 

“Alright just… take the whole pack, try and fix it,” 

“Uh huh,” 

\---

“Okay, we got home. We barely talked the entire car ride, everyone looks like they are panicking, and you are both glued to your phones! Will you please just tell me what happened?” Peter asked, following Pepper and Tony into their living room. 

“Here, Peter, this is the papers you will need to give to the kennel, would you go get all the animals for me?” Pepper asked, handing him the paper. 

“But mom-” 

“Go. Now,” She said, pushing him right back out the door. 

“Hmph,”

“And try walking there, the fresh air is good for you!” She yelled. 

“I just slept outside for three days!” He yelled back. “I’m taking the subway!” 

Peter sulkily walked, because he realised that he’d never bothered to check and see if you could take dogs on, and honestly walking was way faster. It didn’t occur to him until he was actually inside of the store and they were handing him the dogs (and cat’s) that he would need to walk them back. 

“Huh, what should we do with you guys?” He asked, looking down at the animals. Tessa had frantically licked his entire face as soon as they let her out to him. Puddles looked… vaguely traumatized, but pretty calm. Lucky was excited but not by anything in particular, and Nox looked like he was planning murder. 

“Uh… I’m… I’m really sorry I just had a… just a quick question, and… I might be totally off but, I mean… I think I-” 

_ “Hon you have to speak up with that mask on!” _ The lady at the desk yelled. 

“I - sorry I just-” 

“Speak up sweetheart, I’m deaf in that ear,” The lady said, turning to look at him. “What do you need?” 

“I think… that I might… have, I just think I had- so there was this thing where it… It’s just that I think i had another-” 

“Spit it out darling!” She said. 

“I think we had another cat!” He said quickly. The woman raised her eyebrow at him, lowering her glasses. 

“Well there’s no need to shout sweetie pie,” She said. “What is the cat's name?” 

“Uh… Toast,” Peter said, bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

“Sweetie I need his last name, I bet you I have eight different Toasts in that system I have here,” She said. “Do you have a photo ID?” 

“Of- of the cat? I don’t think so?” He said. “But uh… he’s ginger and… he’s kinda spacy…” 

“I have one entered right here as  _ Toast _ is that the one you are looking for?” She asked. 

“I… I think so?” Peter said. 

“Let me go get the little guy,” She said. 

“Uh huh,” Peter said. “I- okay thank you,” 

“I need you to speak up dear!” 

"I- uh... bye!" Peter said, scrambling out with the animals. "I'm never opening my mouth again,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today the boys wanted to know if I would dress up for halloween with them as a marvel charector. So of course I was like /sure/ and they said they wanted me to be a gir. It went like this...  
> 3: "What about the spider spy girl?" (Nat)   
> Me: "I could be Black Widow if you want,"   
> 6: "What about Loki?"   
> Me: "...I could also be a guy!"   
> 6: "But Loki's a girl..." 
> 
> when I tell you I lost it...
> 
> also 6 took my phone out of the case and smashed it on the ground and now it's ~broken~ but whateves. idgaf anymore.


	137. /////planes/////

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate it here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope ya'll like it!!!

“Hey Mr. Clint? Ms. Natasha?” Peter yelled. “I uh… I have Lucky!” 

“It’s weird that you still call them that,” MJ said, walking into the room. “Hi Luck!” 

“Please take him!” Peter said. “I’m trying to hold all of them at once,” He said. She rolled her eyes, grabbing Lucky’s leash out of the pile in his hand. “Thanks,” 

“Yeah! No problem!” he said. “Uh… I should go find the other people now…” 

“Yeah…” She said. “Well… bye,” 

“Yeah,” Peter said, backing out the door and sorta tripping on most of the animals in the process. “Alright… bye,” 

Friday closed the door for them, cutting off the conversation. MJ looked at Lucky, who was sniffing everything like they’d replaced all their furniture, turning around to be faced with her parents. 

“...we have Lucky back,” She said, unhooking the leash so he could run over to them. Clint was more open to Lucky’s welcomes then Natasha. 

“What did we just watch?” Natasha asked. 

“I- what do you mean?” MJ asked, genuinely confused. 

“That conversation that we just had to witness,” Clint said. 

“I don’t see anything wrong with it,” MJ said. 

“It was so… awkward,” Clint said. “You live with him, you know that right,” 

“Okay, whatever,” She said. “I’m going to my room,” 

“Alright…” 

\---

“Will you tell me what’s going on yet?” Peter asked immediately when he walked into the room. “It’s been like forever, and I did what you asked,” 

“Me and your mom are going to Wakanda for a few days, we’ll tell you when we get back,” Tony said. Peter raised an eyebrow at him. “We will! I promise. I’m going to go call so that-” 

Before Tony could pull open the door Peter shot a web at the handle, subsequently trapping both of them. 

“Peter…” Tony said. 

“Tell me or I’m flying on the outside of the plane with you,” Peter said, crossing his arms. 

“No. Trust me you’re happier not knowing,” Tony said. “You’ll find out eventually but-”

“Do I look like I’m beaming with joy right now dad?” Peter asked, crossing his arms. “I know something happened, and I know that you think you can’t tell me because I’ll freak out, but I’m already freaking out all the time so it’s fine,” 

“Tony just tell him,” Pepper said. 

“If you think it’s so important to tell him you can be my guest,” Tony said, throwing his hands up. 

“I want to see you do it,” Pepper said, crossing her arms. 

“I’m sure he’s going to see it on the news,” 

“Do you really want him to get that from the news?” 

“It might be easier for him-” 

_ “Easier-” _

“Well not necessarily easier but-” 

“Can someone just tell me?” Peter asked. “If it’s going to upset me so much I think I deserve to know what happened,” 

“...alright the plane’s here,” Pepper said. “Peter, did you unpack yet?” 

“No…” Peter said. 

“Grab your suitcase, we need to go to Wakanda for a few days, Tony’s going to tell you why on the plane,” 

“Wh- why?” Peter asked. 

“Well you’re going to find out on the plane, aren't you?” Tony said. 

“Can I go drop Tessa off with MJ?” Peter asked. 

“Yeah, fine,” Pepper said. “It’s not like the planes aren't used to that kind of stuff from Tony,”

“Thank you, for that,” Tony said, pointing to her. “I needed that, actually, from you,” He said. 

“I’m just going to go,” Peter said, grabbing Tessa’s leash, which still hadn’t been detached. “Come on Tess,” 

\---

“Why are you back?” MJ asked when she opened the door. 

“...I don’t know,” 

“Is that Peter?” Loki asked. “Heh, we were talking about you,” 

“Great. Can I come in for a sec?” He asked. MJ rolled her eyes, letting him through. “Thanks,” 

“Why’d you bring Tessa?” MJ asked, opening a water. 

“Uh… Pepper wants to know if she can stay here for a little while,” Peter said. “Is… that okay?” 

“I don’t give a shit, do whatever you want,” MJ said. 

“I have requested Natasha and Clints presence,” Friday said. Not a minute later they both appeared from opposite doors. 

“Hi Peter,” Natasha said, while Clint went to pet both of the dogs. “What did you need?” 

“Um… Pepper needs to know if Tessa can stay here for a little bit,” Peter said. 

“Course, why?” Clint asked. 

“Uh… I don’t know, I have to go to Wakanda with them but they won’t tell me why,” he said. “And I know that you guys can keep a dog alive… I don’t really trust anyone else…” 

“We’ll take care of her,” Clint said. “Look she’s such a good girl isn’t she? Yes she is!” 

“Hey MJ, you’re still packed for a few days, why don’t you go with him?” Natasha said. 

“Wh- why?” MJ asked. 

“I think it would be good for you two to go together,” Natasha said. 

“Why would you think that?” She asked. 

“Because. Go ahead,” Natasha said. 

“But- it’s across the world,” She said. “You’re just going to let me go?” She asked. 

“Well I will if you leave right now,” Natasha said. “Scram,” 

“I… okay?” She said. 

“Good. Your case is still by the door,” she said. MJ shook her head, grabbing her suitcase. 

“Alright bye,” She said, throwing half a wave over her shoulder. 

“And call us when you land!” Clint yelled. 

“Yeah yeah,” MJ said. 

“Or have Peter text us,”

\---

“Uh… MJ’s coming,” Peter said. “Natasha said so,” 

“Fine,” Pepper said. “Tony you have to tell her as well,” 

“Alright, whatever,” Tony said. “Hop on,” 

Apparently Tony had planned on telling them immediately, however he got an important phone call that even Pepper was alright with him taking, so MJ and Peter were left in the back of the plane alone together. 

“Can you not bounce your leg? You’re shaking the entire bench,” MJ said. Tony had decided to opt for seats without any arm rests, instead creating long rows so you could lie down. Peter stopped instantly looking down with a blush.

“Sorry,” He said, running a hand through his hair. 

“Why are you so nervous?” She asked. 

“Yah know… just, really worried about what my dad’s gonna tell us?” Peter asked. MJ crossed her arms, drawing one leg up to her chest. 

“Oh- planes still make you nervous don’t they?” She asked as it suddenly dawned on her. 

“I mean I can deal, they aren’t exactly my favorite thing but like it’s also not the end of the world. Like I mean I hate them but also it’s kinda just whatever you know? And really if you think about it-” 

“Do you plan on taking a breath any time soon there?” MJ asked. Peter paused, taking a big breath. “Okay… better…” 

“Sorry I don’t want to freak out or anything,” Peter said. MJ rolled her eyes, scooting across to the other side of the bench where he was and leaning against him, her head on his shoulder. 

“Don’t worry about it. I still don’t open the linen closet at home. I just make Loki hand me stuff after my old dad locked me in one,” She said. 

“I guess…” Peter said. She grabbed his hand so he couldn’t wring them together so aggressively, which seemed to make him stop doing it at least but look even more scared if possible. “I don’t wanna hurt your hand…” 

“It’s fine I promise,” She said. “I’ll let you know if you hurt me,” 

“Promise?” Peter asked, his voice still laced with anxiety. 

“Promise,” She said. Peter seemed to calm down a little with that, leaning his head on top of hers and only tightening his grip on her hand when the plane went over any kind of turbulence, which with Tony’s tech was few and far between. 

Eventually, both of them fell asleep, as neither had exactly jumped at the idea of sleeping around the rest of the team. Instead of keeping their heads leaning though, they sort of fell on top of each other while still sitting down, MJ lying in Peters lap and Peter slumped over her. Tony took plenty of photos. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHAT the kids said today. No... guess.   
> .  
> .  
> .  
> 6: "Do you have nice boobs?"   
> me: "Uh-"   
> 6: "Yeah you have nice boobs,"   
> me: " /what/ "   
> 6: "Nothing!" 
> 
> I'm tramatized... only one more week tho...


	138. JUST ANOTHER PICTURE TO BURN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahahehahohoooo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bc of covid I can't be inside with people right? buuuut bc of the air I can't be outside either. What do they expect me to do? Talk to the people I live with? *gags*

“What do you mean he’s dead?” Peter asked. 

“Well I assume he means that he had died Peter,” MJ said. 

“But- he was just  _ fine, he _ can’t have just… just died,” He said. “People don’t just drop dead like that, do they?” 

“Well not usually, this was a very… unique situation,” Tony said. 

“That doesn’t tell us anything though- what  _ happened?” _ MJ asked. 

“That’s not important right now. The point is we are flying out because Wakanda already has some shaky relationships with the US so we need to make things seem as… peaceful as we can,” Tony said. “And we want to make sure that there is nothing we can do to help them out,” 

“What about Shuri?” Peter asked. 

“Shuri seems like she has been doing pretty well…” Tony started. 

“Pretty well? Dad no one could do pretty well after losing a sibling like that!” Peter said. 

“Well you can check up on her when we get there,” Tony said. “I’m sure she’ll be happy to have you there,” 

“I…” Peter said, looking at MJ, who looked just as lost. “That’s… how did it happen?” 

“Like I said, they have not yet been willing to disclose his death to us. Maybe Shuri will tell you, but don’t ask,” 

“Uh huh…” Peter said. 

“Alright, well you two do whatever you want, I’m going to go talk to Pepper, we still have some stuff that needs to be worked out,” Tony said.

“Okay,” MJ said. “We’ll be here,” 

Tony nodded, turning around and walking up to the tiny workroom that usually doubled as an office. As soon as the door closed Peter and MJ turned to look at each other, both seeming as lost as the other. 

“He can’t just be dead,” MJ said finally. “There’s… it’s not like someone just drops dead one day. Something must have happened,” 

“I… yeah…” Peter said. 

“This is insane. It’s… it can’t be real can it?” She asked. “Like is this a weird fever dream?” 

“I hope so,” 

\---

“Where’s Tony?” Bruce asked when he walked into the lab. It was unusual, although not unheard of, to be in the lab without Tony there as well -as he had promised when they first met the lab was pretty much where they both defaulted to spend time in- but to see if without Tony or Peter, or even his robots doing something crazy hadn’t happened in literal years. Definitely not sense he met Peter. 

“Tony and Peter are in Wakanda on business, for safety reasons the sentient robots that are flagged as high risk are shut off,” Friday said. 

“...High risk?” He asked. “Great. I didn’t even know those existed,” He said, rubbing his neck. 

“Nothing saved or worked on by you has been affected, so you should be good to go ahead,” Friday said. 

“Great…” Bruce said. It was more unnerving then he’d expected to be alone in the lab. It was pretty big- actually giant, because Tony had designed it. It was still dark out, and most of the lab was lined with windows, so it was sorta like working in a giant void. Or a fish bowl.

Also, there was no fabric or anything in the lab, nothing to absorb the noise, so any tiny movement echoed across it when Tony wasn’t blasting ACDC or Peter was playing ACAP science. Bruce tried to not even move his arms while writing his data so he didn’t have to hear the noise. Or lack thereof. 

“Thor Odinson is looking for you, would you like me to show him your location?” Friday asked after several minutes. Or maybe an hour or two. 

“Uh… sure,” Bruce said. A minute or two later the elevator squeaked onep, which was only for comedic reasons because Tony knew how to oil an elevator if he needed to. Also Tony giggled whenever it squeaked. 

“Hi Banner!” Thor said, walking in. “What are you doing?” 

“I’m just working on something here,’ Bruce said. “Science stuff… I’m trying to actually figure out how to calculate the thermonuclear physics as seen applied to the spaceships currently outside of the outerknown galaxies for uses of consistent energy powers,” Bruce said. “Uh- it’s sorta- it’s to figure out how the huge ships that people live on manage to generate energy without wind or sun,” 

“That sounds very complicated, it must take a lot of intelligence to do that,” Thor said.

“Well, once you know what you are doing it’s really not that difficult,” Bruce said. “Really anyone could do it if you taught them right,” 

“I assure you not everyone,” Thor said. “As interesting as that is, I was going to watch a movie, if you wanted to join…” He said. 

“I really should finish up here,” Bruce said. 

“You can pick if you want,” Thor said. “I really don’t care what we watch, as long as it’s something new. I love seeing your midgardian movies. I find them much more entertaining them Asgardian plays,”

“I guess I could take a break for now,” Bruce said. “But it’s really better if you don’t leave off in the middle of a calculation, it’ll just leave more work for tomorrow,” 

“How long would it take to finish up the math?” Thor asked, leaning over to look at the pages he had already written. 

“I mean I can’t really say, it’s really up to-”

“It will take at least two hours at the rate with which Bruce has been working to finish the eights section of the problem,” Friday said. 

“It shouldn’t really take that long if I rush-” Bruce started. 

“Come on,” Thor said, grabbing onto Bruce’s arm. “Trust me, it’ll be fine when you come back,” 

“I really don’t think it’s the best idea,” Bruce said. Thor just narrowed his eyes at Bruce, leaning across the counter. “I- okay but not for a whole movie,” 

“Of course not,” 

\---

“If you’ll excuse me,” Shuri said, standing up. Okoye had insisted that she should sit in with Tony and Pepper while they talked over arrangements and what all Tony would have sway in over in the US. Peter and MJ where sitting, somewhat awkwardly, across from her, both fidgeting under the table as they talked. “I have something I need to do,” 

With that she made a break for it, almost sprinting out of the room, making all of them snap their heads up. Okoye stood up immediately, as did her Mother, making their way to the door. 

“Wait,” Peter said. “Can I go check on her? Please?” He asked. Okoye and Ramonda made eye contact, before ultimately she nodded at him. 

“Go ahead,” Ramonda said with a tight lipped smile. 

Peter and MJ stood up together walking out of the room in a hope to follow her. “I think that’s her,” MJ said, pointing. 

Far down the hall to where MJ was pointing you could barely see a crumpled figure in the hallway. Shuri sat with her knees drawn tightly to her chest, rocking back and forth slightly with her head down. 

Peter nodded when she pointed Shuri out, slowly walking down the hallway, making sure that the sound of his footsteps echoed loud enough to be heard before he sat down across the hall from her, MJ right behind him, sitting to his right. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Peter said finally. Shuri slowly lifted her head to look at him with a tear stricken face. 

“I want to burn something,” She said finally. MJ looked at Peter with a half grin. 

“I think I have a idea for what we can do about that,” MJ said. “Come on, let’s get up,” She said, grabbing Shuri and throwing one of her arms over her own shoulder.

“Thank you,” Shuri muttered. Peter trotted along next to them, looking at both girls with concern. “Can we… Can we stop by his room? It’s right here,” 

“If you’re ready,” Peter said. 

“Honestly,” Shuri said, looking back at Peter. “I’ve slept here every night,”

“Okay…” Peter said. 

“And I’ve got… I’ve got a few things that I think I want to burn,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain: You need to write!  
> Me: Okay but what if I read memes about EDS and cried instead?   
> My brain: ...Okay fair point, fair point.


	139. Smoky the bear does not approve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a little smoky, huh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy

“Thor that movie will make you cry,” Bruce said. 

“I thought you said that you didn’t cry when you watched it,” Thor said. 

“Well I don’t really feel any emotions anymore,” Bruce said. Thor furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Bruce with concern while Bruce picked a horror movie that didn’t look too gruesome. “This looks fine,” 

“Bruce you hate horror,” Thor said. 

“I thought you wanted to see earth movies,” Bruce said back. Thor looked unsure, but finally just shook his head, standing up. 

“I’m going to go get snacks,” Thor said. Bruce nodded, grabbing his phone off the table. He was about half way through his article when Thor can back with much more popcorn than a human could reasonably eat. 

“Uh…” Bruce said, confused as to why Thor felt the need to make enough popcorn to hide a small child in. 

“For you to hide behind,” 

\---

“Here, we have some of his old clothes, this awful pair of shoes, this lamp shade and his instructions on how to run Wakanda,” MJ said, setting the pile down. 

“We can’t burn it here,” Shuri said, looking around outside. “It will start a fire we can not afford right now,” 

“Hold on,” Peter said, grabbing his web shooter. “These have plastic elements so it won’t burn,”

“Go ahead,” Shuri said. While Peter started coating the nearby bushes and other vegetation MJ started picking up the dried sticks and twigs, gathering them in the middle of Peter's web coatings until they had something that vaguely resembled a bonfire shape. 

“Does anyone have a lighter?” Peter asked. MJ nodded, taking one out of her back pocket. Neither of them where going to question it’s other uses. 

“Do you want to do is?” MJ asked, offering Shuri the lighter. Shuri nodded, kneeling in front of the brittle wood and flicking it open. She help it up, letting the flame dance over the wood until it started smoking. 

Stepping back, the three of them stared at the fire while it started to catch on the wood, spreading quickly without much smoke. It wasn’t until it was the flames where a good few inches higher than the wood itself that Shuri took a step back, picking up one of T’challa’s old button ups. 

“This was the shirt he wore when we found out our father had died,” Shuri said, looking at it for a moment, before chucking it in the fire. “We both hate it,” 

They got through most of the burn pile until they were only left with a letter, addressed to Shuri, that apparently had instructions on how to run Wakanda. The other two still didn’t know how he died, but apparently he at least knew that maybe he wasn’t coming back.

“Are you sure you don’t want to read that?” MJ said while Shuri fingered the letter. “They where his last words to you,”

“They are instructions on how to run the country like him and keep the peace,” Shuri said. “I have no interest in either. Besides, I remember his last words. He looked over his shoulder and told me that if he didn’t come back, to not touch any of his stuff,” She said. 

With that, she knelt again, gently placing the letter in with the logs. As the heat shriveled up the paper, she turned back to look at them with a watery smile. 

“He would be so pissed at me,” She said, shaking her head. “He hated when I touched his stuff,” 

She sat down again, this time cross legged to watch the fire. Peter and MJ sat on either side of her, so she could rest her head on MJ’s shoulder while they watched the fire grow. Peter sneakily -or so he hoped- texted Tony to let them know that everyone was okay and where they where. Tony replied with a thumbs up emoji, and confirmation that Okoye would be informed. 

“You know what’s scary?” Shuri asked, hardly above a whisper, after several minutes. “This is already so normal to me. I just… I thought I would be unsteady or unsure for days but… it feels like normal already to be the one in charge,” 

Peter, unsure what to say to help, decided to just rub her shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting manner. He had definitely had similar experiences, that was never in question, but to be perfectly honest, when people around him died he just squished it all down. Shuri was processing much better then he ever had which left him unsure of how to continue. 

“Well,” Shuri said finally. “At least I don’t have to look at that shirt ever again,” 

Shuri wasn’t okay after they packed up for the night, not by any stretch of the imagination. It was still unlikely she would make it a few hours without breaking down in tears or angry outbursts, but she recovered much faster now, and she seemed at least a little bit happier. 

She spent all the time she could with just MJ and Peter. Aside from the fire, they hadn’t talked about T’challa at all. With everything that was going on, it seemed like it helped her the most was getting to act like things where somewhat normal. So they played stupid card games and teased each other, and when she cried they would put on a movie or watch Tik Tok and just get away. 

It wasn’t a perfect fix, because the rest of Wakanda where waiting for her to be queen still, and she was still not ready, but it was pretty functional all things considered. At the moment Shuri was actually doubled over in laughter, along with MJ. 

“What! She’s  _ scary!” _ Peter said, slowly climbing down from the ceiling. Okoye had come in to check in on them and Peter had actually jumped at least ten feet. “And she hates me,” 

“She dosn’t hate you,” Shuri said. “She just knows you,” 

“Okay that one hurt. That one hurt me,” 

\---

“Clint! Your phone!” Natasha yelled, throwing the device at Clints head when he walked in. “Here,” 

“Thanks for that,” Clint said, rubbing the hand he caught it in while he answered. “Hello?” 

Natasha watched in amusement at the variete of faced that Clint made while listening to the call. He didn’t really have much to add aside from variuse agreements and assurenced or  _ something. _ Not two minutes later he hung up, before hitting his head against the counter. 

“Who was that?” She asked. 

“The school. Apparently I have to go in and set up my classroom,” Clint said. “Like… a classroom for teachers Nat,” 

“You're keeping an eye on the children, remember,” Natasha said, patting his back. “Do it for them,” 

“I barely even went to highschool! I joined the circus when I was 16!” He said. “I think I might have gone two semesters but…” 

“Just teach from wikipedia and make each test a hundred questions, you’ll be fine,” She said. 

“I hate it here,” He muttered. 

“Uh huh. Hey when you go take Loki with you. I don’t think he’s ever seen the inside of a highschool, it’ll be good for him to see the teachers and everything there,” She said. “I don’t want him to get lost on the first day,”

“Sure,” Clint said. “He’s in his room right?” 

“Yeah he should be,” She said. 

“Loki is impersonating a lamp in Steve Rogers' living room,” Friday said. 

“Never mind he’s being a lamp,” Natasha said. 

“I mean why not,” Clint said, grabbing his bow. “I’ll grab him,” 

“Wha- why exactly are you taking the bow to school?” Natasha asked.

“It’s my security bow ‘Tasha,” 

\---

“Why would they possibly have to make this place so big?” Loki asked as they walked in. 

“Wait until you hear about the portables,” Clint said. “Ugh, alright so I have this map, it said I’m in hallway B number 118,” 

“There are 118 classrooms here?” Loki asked. 

“No there’s way more,” Clint said. “Here, you hold this box,” 

“What is this?” Loki asked, wrinkling his nose when he looked inside. 

“Uh… christmas decorations and some shit I stole from Shield,” Clint said. “...we’ll make it work,”

“And this is to decorate a classroom?” Loki asked. 

“Yep. Don’t worry about it,” Clint said. “I'm sure it’ll look great when we’re done,” 

“You are?” Loki asked. After much wandering they did end up finding the classroom, which was practically hidden between lockers and what looked like the janitors cart. 

“This is it,” Clint said. “Heh, I remember killing this teacher. It was a good day,” 

“Oh- it smells awful,” Loki said, covering his mouth and nose as soon as they stepped inside. 

“Great,” Clint said, setting down the bag. “Oh- it’s his old gym bag see?”

“Ew,” Loki said. 

“Yeah he was also the gym teacher. They said they would let me know by the first day if they needed me to do that as well,” Clint said. “See that I might actually know how to teach,”

“I do hope the other teachers are more prepared then you,” Loki said, sitting on top of one of the desks. 

“I’m sure they are…” 

“Lovely,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys it's so smoky here I can't see the trees in the backyard uuugh
> 
> also SHURI. She copes in her own ways, yah know?


	140. Pauuuul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter! I think you'll like this one ;)

“Come on kids, we really should get ready to go,” Pepper said, knocking on Shuri’s door frame as she walked in.

“Do we have to leave now?” MJ asked. “Can’t we stay another week?” 

“School starts in like two days,” Tony said from behind her. “Sorry guys, but we’re already pushing it,” 

“Okay,” Peter said sulkily, hugging Shuri across the bed before standing up. “I’ll go get my stuff,” 

“Bye Shuri,” MJ said, hugging her as well. 

“Goodbye. I hope I can come over soon,” Shuri said with a shaky smile. Pepper hugged her briefly to before going to follow the kids, while Tony lagged behind in the doorway.

“Do you need something?” She asked after a moment. 

“No,” Tony said, shaking his head. She scooted over on her bed, her head tilted to the side while Tony sat down. “I wanted to talk to you for a second, if that’s alright with you,” 

“Of course,” She said, rubbing her face. “What… uh what about?”

“Not business, don’t worry,” Tony said, taking something out of his pocket.

“What is that?” She asked. 

“Well… I know your a smart kid, hell probably one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, it kills me that you can’t hang out in the lab back in New York,” Tony said. “But, I thought you might find this useful. It’s a miniature quantum information teleporter,” He said. 

“You invented human teleportation?” Shuri asked, turning the disk over in her hand. It was about the size of a coaster and made out of blue and silver metal. 

“Well, not exactly, you can’t go anywhere, not yet, but you can get to my lab and back,” He said. “I thought that it might be nice to give you a way to step away for a minute, without anyone finding out,” 

“...Thank you,” She said, still turning it over in her hand. “Would you mind if I-” 

“I made a second one so you can take one apart if you want,” Tony said with a smile, handing another to her. “You don’t have to come, hell I can’t imagen why would would want to with what you have here, but it might be nice. You’re of course welcome any time, day or night,” 

“This is very very kind of you,” She said.

“Just.... put it to good use okay?” Tony said, patting her arm. “I just you to know if you need to get out we’re here,” 

“I will remember,” 

\---

“If you’re to scared we can always watch a different movie,” Thor said, tilting his head at Bruce, who was trying his level best to disappear into the blankets. 

“Nope, it doesn't bother me,” Bruce said, pulling the blanket up past his nose, disturbing Toast, who clawed onto Thor’s arm to try and stabilize. 

“Ouch- alright, i’m just going to turn down the volume a little bit, alright?” Thor said, grabbing the remote. 

“I mean if you want to,” Bruce said, holding onto the blanket as tightly as he could. Thor turned it down so they could barely hear it in the background, putting his arm across the sofa with a grimace as a particularly gory scene came across the screen. “Ugh,”

“Why don’t we just turn the movie off,” Thor said, reaching for the remote again. Bruce didn’t argue this time, allowing Thor to reach across him and turn the TV off, right before what looked like a setup for a bad jump scare. “It wasn’t that good anyway,” 

“Yeah,” Bruce said from behind his blanket barricade. “Not at all,” 

\---

“No- hold that end there see, otherwise it’s going to-” 

“Which end? It’s all a tangle of silver string!” 

“Just don’t let it fall or-” 

“How do I not-” 

“Shit,” Clint said, watching the silver tinsel fall across the entire classroom. “Well, let’s try again. Maybe duct tape would help,” 

“Could you not just ask Tony to help you buy actual classroom decorations?” Loki asked. “I’m sure he would do it,” 

“But it wouldn’t be as authentic,” Clint said. 

“Is there anything authentic about Christmas tinsel is september?” Loki asked. 

“You just shush and hand me the duck tape,” Clint said, snapping at Loki, who rolled his eyes, handing it to him anyway as there was a knock at the door. “Shit-  _ come in!”  _ Clint yelled over his shoulder. “Loki hid or-” 

“On it,” Loki said, turning invisible, which Clint did  _ not  _ know that he could do, when a pudgy man walked in the door. He was wearing a poorly tailored light purple suit, with a american flag tie that made Clint cringe. And he didn’t have very high standards, given his suit was sleeveless and dark purple. 

“Hello,” Clint said, pulling his mask back over his nose, noting that the man wasn’t attempting to wear one. 

“Mr. Barton?” The man asked, holding out his hand, which Clint left without shaking, raising an eyebrow at the extended hand. 

“Yep,” Clint said, leaning against the wall. “Who are you?” 

“Mr. Paul Liversteed,” The man said, looking at Clint like he should know the name. “The  _ principle _ here,” 

“Cool,” Clint said. 

“So what’s… all of this?” Paul said, looking around the room. 

“I was told I have to decorate, that’s what I’m doing,” Clint said.

“Well… remember learning is our top priority here, so try not to add anything to… distracting… to the lesson, alright?”

“Well it will be more distracting to the lesson if I shoot myself in the head from having to stare at the hellish color on the walls, but thanks for the advice Paul,” Clint said. He was ninety percent sure that he heard Loki muffling a snicker from the corner. 

“If I were you I would just go watching your mouth. Our last history teacher disappeared mysteriously because he got a little too comfortable here. We’re all a family but there are limits,”

Clint grinned at him, leaning forward. “I wouldn’t worry about me getting too comfortable. But if you want help me out, go ahead and hold the other end of tinsel for me,” 

“I would watch your back while you’re here,” Paul said, leaning forward so he was almost on his tiptoes. “The kids are loyal to us. Remember that,” He said, turning on the heel of his scuffed shoes, slamming the door behind himself. 

Loki immediately un-disguised himself, his hand clapped over his mouth to keep himself from laughing too loudly. “Holy  _ shit _ what the hell was that?” 

“Is this the wild west?” Clint asked. “Does he really think highschoolers are loyal to any adults?” 

“I don’t think this will be a good year for you,” Loki said with a laugh. 

“Yeah yeah, help me duct tape this up,” Clint said, trying to hold up the other end of the string and further tangling it. “Damn it,” 

“At this point I think you should just throw a pile of loose glitter at the wall and call it a day,” 

“Well you know what, I’m pretty sure that’s where this is headed,” 

\---

“Peter Parker get  _ back _ in this plane right now!” Pepper yelled into the phone. 

“But it’s more fun out here!” Peter yelled back. Pepper had him on speaker. 

“Get back in or we are parking the jet in Ohio and hitch hiking the rest of the way!” She yelled. 

“Fine,” Peter grumbled, turning off the call. A few minutes later he managed to make it back in, sitting down on the ceiling with a scampi look. “Hi mom,” 

“Oh dear God what happened to your hair,” Tony said. Peter just grinned at them. “Get down here and let me brush it,” 

“But then it’ll hurt,” Peter said. 

“I swear child-” 

“Okay okay I’m coming!” Peter said, scampering down… less than eloquently, making MJ laugh as he fell in a heap of limbs. “Ow,” 

“Oh my gosh I’m going to kill you, just sit down and don’t move,” Tony said, throwing him in the direction of the benches. “Pep do you have a brush,” 

“Check in my purse,” She said. Tony grabbed out a yellow brush, walking twordes Peter. 

“You’re going to get my hair all fluffy!” Peter said. 

“Would you rather it ends up matted against your head?” Tony asked. 

“MJ! Help me!” Peter said, trying to squirm away. 

“No way. But I am drawing it,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it! Comment things that Paul could do/say bc it's so much fun to make people suck. 
> 
> /also/   
> me: *does Loki imitation/British accent*  
> 6: "Can you say 'my favorite avenger is the hulk because he will smash me'?"   
> me: *blink blink* sure...


	141. No Loki is not British why would you say such a thing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The things coming down the pike guys... ;)

“MJ! Your back!” Clint said when they walked in the door. MJ waved at them from the sofa. “I meet your principal today, I think I’m going to kill him by the end of the semester,” 

“If you kill him then be prepared to replace him,” Natasha said. “What all did he do,” 

“He tried to act like he was the one who killed the other guy,” Clint said with a smirk. 

“Don’t forget that he tried to tell you the highschoolers will shun you if you don’t like him,” Loki said. 

“Oh and he hated my classroom,” Clint said. “It was great. Also, he’s bald, and his name's Paul and he had a flag tie,” He said. 

“Like the american flag?” she asked. Clint nodded. “Oh you’re screwed for sure,” 

“I’m going to get fired in the first week,” Clint said. 

“You know teachers have a contract right? They can’t just leave half way through the year,” 

“What if I got arrested instead, does that count?” Clint asked. 

“Oh my- you haven’t even started yet!” Natasha said. “What did you think of the highschool Loki?” She asked. “I hope you liked it because you guys start tomorrow,”

“Why did they have to make it so big?” Loki asked. “It was the size of the entire palace on Asgard, and that’s the largest building they have,” 

“Wait until he sees the auditorium,” MJ said with a smile. “Oh! Loki I need to talk to you!” 

“Wh- why?” He asked, recoiling slightly. 

“It’s super important,” She said, standing up and grabbing his wrist. 

“That doesn't answer my  _ question- ow!” _ He said. 

“See you guys later!” MJ said, pulling him into her room with a wave. “Sit,” 

“What on earth are you doing?” Loki asked, sitting on her bed and leaning against the wall. 

“That right there, that’s the problem,” She said. 

“What? Me?” Loki asked sarcastically. 

“Not you, your accent,” MJ said. “You have a british accent,” 

“Well not really, I just copied a different species that was tutoring us on Asgard because it annoyed Thor when I was about four and it stuck,” Loki said. “So it’s not  _ British _ per say,” 

“Doesn't matter. Have you met a highschool girl? Other than me?” MJ asked. 

“...no,” Loki said. “At least not to my knowledge, why?”

“Cool, so you can’t be british,” She said. “I mean, unless you want to sleep with 80 freshmen, which you don’t. Trust me,”

“But- it’s just how I talk! What am I supposed to do?” Loki asked. 

“Well can’t you shape shift? Just like… shape shift your vocal cords to sound american or something,” She said. 

“That’s not how accents work Michelle,” Friday said. “In order for him to imitate a new york or west coast accent he would need to change the movements of his mouth, not the shape of his vocal chords,”

“Wh- fine, whatever. Let me  _ try _ to sound american,” Loki said, clearing his throat. “Ah, america,” 

“That was terrible,” MJ said. “Like really awful,” 

“Well what  _ should _ I do then?” Loki asked, raising his hands. “Simply not talk?” 

“Well that would probably be easier for you in the long run,” She said. 

“Whatever. I’m sure it will be fine,” 

\---

“Hey Peter, come in here, I need to talk to you,” Tony said, seeing Peter pass him in the living room. Peter froze, looking at him with fear. “Oh for crying out loud you look like I’m sending you to die. It’s nothing bad,” 

“Alright…” Peter said, cautily sitting next to Tony. Tony grinned at him, cracking his knuckles. 

“So school starts soon,” He said. Peter nodded his head somewhat aggressively. “As I recall school wasn’t going great for you last year, was it?” He asked. 

“I- I mean I didn’t fail…?” Peter said. 

“Oh no I couldn’t care less about your grades. I know you’re scary smart and stuff. It’s more… socially, you seemed to struggle a bit,” 

“Whaaaat,” Peter said, rubbing the back of his neck. “You know Mr. Stark I really should go walk Tessa-” 

“I’m sorry what did you just call me?” Tony asked, tilting his head, eyebrows raised. 

“I- dad! I- obviously I mean dad I… heh…” 

“Alright. So, I’m going to try and… help you as much as I can,” Tony said. “I mean I’m not hoping for a miracle, but I am hoping you don’t end up to much like Bruce,” 

“But Bruce is cool,” Peter said. “I did a science presentation on him once, about the gamma radiation stuff,” 

“See this is why you are bullied. Okay lesson number one…” 

“If it involves being mean to people I can’t do it,” Peter said. 

“Kid you know what highschool  _ is _ right?” Tony asked. “Full of hierarchies? Eat or be eaten kinda deal,” 

“Well I would rather be eaten then eat somebody,” Peter said. “Besides, Ned bullies everyone he meets and he’s still unpopular,” 

“Okay, how do I explain this… Ned is… Ned,” Tony said. “He’s just… special. There’s no good way for him to get any kind of attention,” 

“Well there is but he won’t do it,” Peter said. “Before school all went online he filled a teachers desk with old fish,” 

“...ew,” 

\---

“No- okay, just like I am,  _ back _ ... _ pack,” _ MJ said. 

“Backpack,” Loki repeated in a british accent. MJ smacked him on the head with her folder. 

“No!” 

“May I suggest you two take a break for now?” Friday asked. “I am sure there are more productive things you could do to get ready for school,” 

“Psh, like what?” MJ asked. 

“What about the reading list?” Friday said. 

“I did it in the Rappin’ with Cap assembly. Last year,” MJ said. 

“Michelle there where seven books on that list,” Friday said, sounding as concerned as a AI ever does. 

“I know. I read them,” 

“And I do not plan on actually completing any coursework in the hopes of getting thrown out in the first few months,” Loki said. 

“I have informed your parents of the current predicament,” Friday said. “As soon as they are through laughing they will be in to assist,”

“Great. I can’t wait,” Loki said. “You know, I don’t even think they will find the accent all that weird. People from New York come from all over don’t they? Surly a accent wouldn’t throw anyone off to much,” 

“Oh- it wouldn’t ‘throw them off’ it will make everyone at the school fall in love with you. Mostly the girls and the old male teachers,” She said. “We had a kid named Will. He lasted maybe two weeks before going to homeschool,”

“Right, well um… maybe we could just hope for the best,” Loki said. 

“Oh, Loki there is no best case scenario,” MJ said. “No matter what happens,as long as you sound the way you do there is no hope for you,” She said. “You should just give up now,” 

“On highschool or life?” He asked. 

“Yes,” 

\---

“Hey Banner?” Thor asked, walking into the room. Bruce was up in the lab working while Wade messed with the cat, poking his stomach while Toast tried his best to chew through his hand. 

“Wait- what’s your last name?” Wade asked, dropping his cat.

“Do you really not know my last name?” Bruce asked, running a hand through his hair. 

“I don’t know my own middle name,” Wade said. 

“Your middle name is Winston, making your full name… Wade Winston Wilson,” Friday said. 

“...What’s your dad’s name?” Wade asked. 

“At this point I don’t even know,” Bruce said. “I’m related to everyone somehow, like through Peggy but… it’s all confusing,” 

“But what does your birth certificate say?” Wade asked. 

“I don’t know! Why are you asking?” Bruce asked, throwing his hands up. “I’ve got work to do!” 

“What are you working on today?” Thor asked, leaning over the table. “It all looks like scribbles,”

“These are the calculations I was working on last night,” Bruce said. “Remember?” 

“Yeah of course, it was all the calculations of… stuff and things…” Thor said. Bruce raised his eyebrows at him, leaning against the table. “Very hard stuff and things?”

“I can’t argue, that’s not technically incorrect,” Bruce said. 

“I swear I knew someone named Banner for a while,” Wade said. 

“Well it’s not the least common name in the world,” Bruce said with a shrug.

“No cuz it was like… fuck why can’t I remember,” Wade said. “I can literally see his face,” 

“Well, uh… don’t know what to tell you,” Bruce said. “Good luck I guess,” 

“I swear…” Wade said. “Fuck. He had the same initials as you, I remember making fun of his for that. Where did I see them though?” 

“Alright well I should go, I’ll see you later Wade,” Bruce said, setting his work down. 

“Was his first name Brian?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys think you know where Wade knows Brian from? 
> 
> also the 3 (almost 3) year old asked me to show him 'tasha' on my phone for like twenty minutes today until I pulled up Nat. it's now his favoret thing and tbh it's pretty cute.


	142. I AM the teacher I swear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ehehehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go!

“Loki, it is time for you to wake up, your alarm has been going off for fifteen minutes,” 

“Ugh,” Loki said, rolling to the other side of the bed. “What time is it?” 

“6:45. You have 5 minutes to get ready and leave,” Friday said. 

“Alright alright, I’m up,” Loki said, sitting up and rubbing his face. 

“Good. Your school materials are already in the hallway,” Friday said. 

“Oh Lord it’s early,” Loki said, pulling his hair up so it would stay out of his face. “Do people really wake up like this every day?” 

“Yep,” Natasha said in his doorway, making him jump. “Come on. I assumed you where to old for me to lay out your school clothes, but i’m not above it if you don’t move,” 

“Alright alright,” Loki said, stumbling to his closet while still yawning. He grabbed some ripped jeans and a tee shirt, throwing them at his bed. “Do you plan on leaving any time soon?” He asked. Natasha just laughed, closing the door. “Thank you!” 

He pulled his clothes on without much difficulty, not that he expected any, when he was faced with the major problem of his hair. Thanks to Natasha he did actually know how to do it without just smothering it in gel, but that took at least half a hour that he didn’t have. Finally he just re-did his bun to look a little neater and pulled on a jacked. 

“Come on guys!” Clint yelled. “We’re already late!” 

“Great,” Loki muttered, grabbing his backpack. “I’m ready to go,”

“You know,” MJ said, walking out of her room. “You make a better impression if you’re five minutes late…” 

“Come on, move move move,” Natasha said, ushering them to the door. “Clint you can’t take the entire carafe with you,” 

“I can and I am,” Clint said. “Let’s go,” 

“You know highschool is a societal construct meant to break young adults into conforming with the norm,” MJ said, pulling her hair down. 

“I’ll see you at four,” Natasha said, closing the door in her face. 

“Don’t be so sad,” Clint said with an eye roll. “Uh, so none of us ate, so we’re getting McDonalds for lunch, and… I dunno I guess I can give you lunch money?” 

“No we’ll be fine,” MJ said, walking into the elevator. “Really,”

“Oh you’re so cute,” Clint said. “Sausage or apple pie?” 

\---

“Wade can I talk to you for a second?” Bruce asked, grabbing Wade’s arm and walking past Thor. “we’ll be right back,” 

“I’d say kinky but we’re related,” Wade said as Bruce pulled him to ‘Tony’s side’ of the lab, pressing the button that brought down a giant sheet of sound proof metal. “Wow, friendly,” 

“Where did you meet Brian?” Bruce asked. 

“Not on the fucking street,” Wade said, sitting back and examining his nails. “What do you think of acrylics?”

“This isn’t a joke Wade,” Bruce said, running a hand through his hair. Wade raised a eyebrow. 

“Neither is this, acrylics can damage your nails for months,” He said. “Don’t get me started on fucking grow out time either-”

“Wade…” Bruce said. “Just- where?” 

“Alright fine,” Wade said, sitting back up. “I was in a fucking like… psych ward thing,” He said. “There was this asshole there named Brian Banner, which I hope  _ isn’t _ your father because I fucked him up,” 

Bruce sighed, pulling up a stool next to Wade. “What did you do to him,” 

“He tried to make out with one of the 16 year old volunteers and now he’s in a wheelchair,” Wade said. “And I fucked up his arm pretty bad,” 

“...great,” Bruce said. 

“Jeeze, no need to get so angry,” Wade said. “Calm down,” 

“You’re hilarious,” Bruce said, rubbing his face. “Alright, fine, whatever,” 

“So wait, that’s your dad?” Wade asked. “For real?” 

“I mean… yeah?” Bruce said. “I think?” 

“You think?” Wade asked. “Perfect fucking answer,” 

“I thought your father was dead,” Thor said from the doorway, making both of them jump. Mostly Bruce. 

“How… heh, how long have you been standing there?” Bruce asked, standing up. 

“This whole time,” Thor said, tossing his hammer in his hand. It was basically the most threatening fidget toy. “I thought your father was dead,” He repeated. 

“...dead to me?” Bruce said. “Listen I should go…”

“I have found that those do not stick quite as well,” Thor said, setting the hammer in front of the door. “I’m incredibly curious about this timeline,”

“Heh,” 

\---

“You can’t sit there,” 

“What?” Clint asked. He had just walked into the classroom, sitting at the chair. 

“The teachers late. You can’t sit there,” A thin girl, with bad forehead acne and straight brown hair said. She was sitting perfectly, with her hands folded, a slight smile on her face.

“I- alright,” Clint said, shaking his head.  _ ‘’I’m  _ the teacher,” 

_ “You?” _ some kid said from the back of the class. 

“Wh- yes! Get out your… notes or stuff,” Clint said. 

“Why were you late?” 

“Why were you early?” Clint asked. “That’s lesson number one, you make the best impression when you are five minutes late,” 

“Sir this is a history class,” The same girl said. 

“Damn it, did I sound unsure of myself? Write it down missy,” he said. “Alright, what’s your name? I should- actually, we’re making name cards. It’s faster. Write your name on a piece of paper,”

“But sir we usually-” 

“Kid i’m this close to taking out my bow and shooting that hat right off your head, do it,” He said, taking a sip out of his carafe. “So, the history of the bow…”

“But we don’t-” 

“Emily, he will shoot you,” The kid sitting next to her said. “He has a bow,” 

“Oh cool, you’re just like that one avenger,” Another kid said. “Hawkeye, the weirdo with a bow. What does he even do?” 

“I hate kids,” 

\---

“Banner, you told me your father ‘died’ when you were getting a phd,” Thor said. “Is that when he was in the place Wade is referring to?” Thor said, leaning against the doorframe. 

“You know… it’s all pretty fuzzy,” Bruce said. “Who can really pin down a day or a time, you know?” 

“Most people would remember when their father was tossed in the loony bin,” Wade said, making Bruce raise an eyebrow. “I can say it! I was in it!”

“Well I just don’t. Maybe I just forgot the day or something,” 

“You know google fucking exists right? I can just look it up right fucking now,” Wade said, turning to grab his computer. 

“What are you… uh… what are you doing there?” Bruce asked. 

“Hacking into the court records,” Wade said. “I do this shit a lot when I kill people for fun,”

“Who… do you kill for fun?” Bruce asked. 

“I like to find cased of pedophiles or abusers that get thrown out in court and kill them in the longest, most public, brutal way I know how. I liked brining them to the brink of death, and see them beg me to let them go, and then keep them there, on the brink of death and begging so they have time to reflect, and then I leave them hanging off a building so they bleed to death while I watch and eat a donut,” 

“What the hell is wrong with you,” Bruce whispered. 

“You know it’s not all that different then Asgardion exicuations,” Thor said. “Although they would be for much different things,” 

“Kay, so I’m going to go now…” Bruce said. 

“No,” Thor said, putting his arm across the door so he couldn’t. 

“Ugh, well can we at least go to my side of the lab so I can work while Wade does whatever he does,”

“Fine,” Thor said, putting a hand on Bruce’s back. Wade picked up the laptop, typing with one hand while they walked through the dividing wall from the two sections of the lab. 

“I’m not going to escape you know,” Bruce said, throwing up his hands. “This isn’t a prison or a-” 

“What a psych ward?” Wade asked, tilting his head to the side. “Let’s see, there’s a fire wall up, shouldn’t be to tricky,” 

“Fire wall for what? What exactly?” Bruce asked. Wade blinked at him with a grin. 

“The New York courts records. Dating back to 1840’s,” Wade said. “I’ve gotten some old creeps that way,” Wade said. “Fuck yeah here we are- oh,” 

“This is a waste of time, I really should-” Bruce started. 

“What did you find?” Thor asked. 

“Brian Banner was pardoned for the murder of his wife Rebecca Banner and battery and abuse of his son Bruce Banner, and declared temporarily insane. He was sentenced to a stay at the mental institution of his choice,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to leave this here your y'all


	143. High school hazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also some ~fun~ convo's ;)

“Hey little gay boy, eating alone,” 

Loki swiveled his head around, an eyebrow raised at the group of boys at the next lunch table to his. A group of boys, wearing chains and oversized jackets. Loki already knew who they would be, it was the crowd that had flocked around Thor up on Asgard. 

“I’m terribly sorry, I must have misheard you,” Loki said, mentally smirking. Trying to keep his face as blank as he could. “Or I may simply not understand your joke. Would you mind explaining?” 

“Oh! Poor little British gay boy! He’s such a r-” 

Loki dashed out from behind the table, pressing the blade of the knife he’d been toying with pressed to the side of his neck. “If I were you, I would be quite careful with how you continue that little speech of yours,”

“Wh- watch I’ll- my dad’s the- he’s the principle here he’ll-” 

“Yes he is, and not only is my father a teacher but at least three of my family members are a member of the avengers, along with myself, I really do not think you would like to be in a power struggle with me at the moment,” He whispered, pressing slightly harder before releasing him. 

“Sure, run away!” The boy yelled from his table. 

“I’m afraid that I am not the one hiding behind large jeans and a delicate masculinity,” Loki said, picking up his turned over lunch and walking out the door. “Peter?” He asked, upon seeing him in the hallway. 

“Hi,” Peter said, waving. “I’m hiding!” 

“Why the hell would you do that?” Loki asked. 

“You’ve heard them open their mouths, right?” Peter asked. “It’s easier to avoid them,” 

“They really don’t have too much on you when you use a little bit of a blade,” Loki said with a shrug. “So, I was going to go find my father, care to join?” 

“Please!” Peter said, jumping up “Are you going to eat that?” 

“Not planning on it,” Loki said, handing him the processed food. “Although I do hope you remember where my fathers classroom is because I can’t keep the hallways straight,” 

“I know it… mostly well,” Peter said. “I think,” 

“Great, we’re going to get lost arn’t we?”

“Well you don’t  _ know _ that,” 

“Yes I do,” 

\---

“It’s really not that big a deal-” 

“This says he brutally fucking murdered your mother in fucking frount of fucking you,”

“Okay but not really in the way that you might-” 

“How other fucking way is there to look at it?” Wade asked. “Would you like to review the damn coart files again?”

“Well no not at the moment but- where’s Thor?” Bruce said, realising that Thor, who had been standing fairly close to him the whole time, seemed to have disappeared. 

“I donno, it’s raining outside, he probably went to fucking kill fuckers,” Wade said. 

“I- great. Great okay, this is fine,” Bruce said. “Alright let’s just… see it’s no big deal it’s just… you know…” 

“Yes, I am absolutely aware of what that is like, which is why you should have fucking told us Bruce,” 

“Wh- it never really came up…?” Bruce said. 

“Really? It never came up,” Wade said. “I manage to fucking insirt that into any conversation ever. How, in eight years, did we never hear about this?” 

“I’ve only known you for a few months…” Bruce said. 

“Oh like you told everyone else,” Wade said. “Because this was clearly public fucking knowlage,” 

“Well maybe I just didn’t see much of a reason to share it,” Bruce said. “It’s not the proudest point it my life, I’m not really looking to share it with everyone I meet,” 

“But like… fuck man that’s fucked up. I mean look at the fucking case files and shit,” Wade said. “I mean we mostly have bad shit in out pasts, but like… people know,” 

“Why should it matter if people know?” Bruce asked, ducking behind Wade to grab his microscope slides. “It just drags up more drama,” 

“For people to… help you or something? Fuck I don’t know, but I think that you tell people this shit,” Wade said. “I don’t- this isn’t the right way to go about this shit,” 

“Uh huh,” Bruce said, fumbling with the cardboard box, trying to open it. “Sure Wade,” 

“So it doesn't bother you then? If, you know, you clearly couldn’t care less about him or any of this shit?” Wade asked, leaning forward. 

“Not really. You can say whatever you want,” Bruce said. 

“If you’re so unbothered then… why can’t yah open that box, buddy?” Wade asked. “Are… oh my cheese balls, are your hands  _ shaking _ \- the famously unbothered Bruce Banner?”

“I wouldn’t say my emotional management skills are what I am known for,” Bruce said.

“So what are you going to do when it’s time for him to get out?” Wade asked. “Keep fucking ignoring it?” 

“Uh… yep,” Bruce said. “Sounds good enough to me,” 

“Because… see, I was in the ward in 2005,” Wade said. “And back fucking then he had… let’s just look up and make sure I have the fucking year right,” Wade said. “Yep, fif-fucking-teen years, bitch,” 

“Your point?” Bruce asked. 

“They’re going to let him out this damn year, what the hell do you plan on doing, Brucie?” 

“Don’t call me that,” Bruce said. 

“You can’t live in denial forever Brucie,” Wade said, in a sing song. 

“Watch me,” 

\---

“What’s the Emo doing now? Writing  _ po-ems?” _ Another boy, from the same crowd as before, whisper shouted at Loki. 

Loki rolled his eyes, continuing with his notes until someone slid a wrinkled sheet of notebook paper over his notes. 

**Watch your self. We all no who u r**

“Ricky, this is a english class, I do think it would be in your best interest to pay attention to the teacher. Maybe you will be able to fix your spelling errors next time you attempt to threaten me,” Loki said out loud, drawing the teacher's attention. 

“Mr.Laufeyson, are you paying attention?” The teacher said, cocking a hip. Loki, resisting the urge to roll his eyes, held up his notebook. 

“Clearly. Although I would be rather carful of putting too much weight into your teachings, given that your students don’t know basic spelling,” Loki said. 

“Principal's office. Right now,” She said. Loki rolled his eyes, grabbing his backpack. “And without the attitude, Mr. Laufyson, or I will have to contact your parents,” 

“Of course, and feel free to do so. As soon as you pick up the dental hygiene I would be happy to accommodate,” Loki said, closing the door before he could hear her response and putting his earbuds in. The teacher from first period had made him ‘sit in the hall’ when he got in trouble, which didn’t work out for anyone.

“What are you doing in the halls?” A girl, who looked much to small to be in highschool asked. “Do you have a pass?” 

“Nope,” Loki said. 

“Well you need a pass,” She said. 

“Okay,” 

“I  _ will _ report you to the teacher, who is working directly with the principle,” She said. “I will, right now,” 

“Go ahead,” Loki said. “Can you not tell I’m trying to get kicked out? That would only speed up the process,” 

“Wh- you can’t  _ do that _ it’s against the rules to try and get yourself kicked out,” She said. 

“Oh dear, I’m shaking in my boots arn’t I?” Loki asked, turning his music up as he walked away. If he was lucky he would get out of here before the end of the week. 

“You can’t get away with whatever you want just because you’re british and beautiful!” She yelled. Loki turned back, eyebrows raised. 

“I can’t?” 

\---

“No- well you know what, just because Mr. Louror has a personal vendetta against the female species dosn’t mean he get’s to control women’s rights and withhold informations about- oh hey Loki,” MJ said, turning back from her rant to the receptionist, who looked completely unbothered. “Health class got out of hand,”

“I told off a teacher and put a knife to a kids throat,” He said, earning himself a nod of approval. “What exactly happened in health?” 

“The mandatory video has been in the curriculum for years dear,” The receptionist said, popping a mint in her mouth. 

“But it’s not  _ true _ it’s-” 

“This should be your mother pulling up,” The secretary said as Nat walked into the room, her face completely serious. 

“Shit,” MJ muttered.

“Sit down the principle will be with you shortly to discuss your children's unruly behavior,” The secretary said in the same monotone voice. “You can wait in the hallway if you want more privacy, there’s chairs to the right of the door,” 

“Thank you,” Natasha said, walking them both out with a hand on their back. She immediately shifted to look more like the Natasha they knew when they got out into the hall, giving them a smirk. “Really? On the first day?”

“And they don’t even know about the stabbing yet,” MJ said with a grin, looking at Loki. 

“The what?” 

“I didn’t  _ actually  _ stab him, just threatened to,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeey so if I where to.... hypothetically.... be concitering a high school AU... what would you guys ~think~ of that?? Hypothetically.


	144. EVERYTHING IS FINE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AND NO ONE MADE A MISTAKE NO SIR-Y

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you gooo!

“Bruce? Bruce? Bruce don’t be like that. Talk to me Brucie Boo,” Wade said, poking him with a stick. “Fucking talk to me- come on- oh shit I’m getting a call,” Wade said, taking out his phone, with the humongous oversized unicorn case, horn and all. “Yello?” 

Wade listened for a few minutes, making a couple reaction noises, before freezing, locking eyes with Bruce. “Oh shit,” 

“What? Oh shit what? What’s oh shit mean?” Bruce asked. 

“Don’t say anything else, me and fucker over here are on out fucking way shit,” Wade said. “Don’t- no stop- actually if you want to electrocute them go ahead, let’s go,” Wade said, hanging up. “Bruce you wanna come?” 

“Wh- uh, go where? With who and- what? Why? Where?” Bruce asked. 

“Should I take him with me? I- well that’s a good point, oh- so is that. I - well fuck, okay do what you want, I’m leaving,” Wade said. 

“Leaving to go where?” Bruce asked. “Who called you?” 

“Follow me if you want to find out,” Wade said. “And don’t forget to like, share, and comment for the algorithm,”

“Follow you  _ where _ I- you know what whatever, go do what you want,” Bruce said, shaking his head. Wade gave him a thumbs up, stepping out the window. “We have a door you know- you’re gone. Fine, whatever. This is fine. Everything is perfectly fine,” 

\---

“I can’t believe they didn’t send either of us home,” MJ complained. They’d been sent to wait in the hallway until their next class started. Well, actually they had been told to go back to class and they decided this would be a better use of time. “Who do we have next?” 

“Our father,” Loki said. MJ groaned, hitting the back of her head against the wall. “Are you not just filled with excitement?” 

“Ugh,” She said. “Why did he decide to have all three of us at the same time again?” 

“I have no idea how or why he thought that was a good idea,” Loki said. “Our mother seemed more then slightly amused,” 

“She’s going to tell everyone is the tower I bet,” MJ said. “Uuugh, we need to stand up now,” 

“Hm. that sounds like a awful idea to me,” Loki said, begrudgingly standing up, pulling MJ with him, who stumbled forward into him for a second before righting herself. “Are you alright?” 

“Yep,” She said, shaking her head. “Just dehydrated,” 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Loki said with a raised eyebrow. “Would you like a protein bar? I have them in my backpack,” 

“Nah I had some earlier,” she said. “Come on,” 

“I’m sure you did,” Loki said with narrowed eyes, handing her the bar anyway as they walked. “Do you think he will act like he doesn't know us?” 

“I hope so,” Mj said, pocketing the bar. “I plan on pretending I don’t know him,” 

“I might turn invisible,” Loki said. 

“Wouldn’t he be able to tell if you were taking notes though?” She asked.

“Not if I make my notes invisible as well,” Loki said. “Although I would most likely benefit from coming in late, I do not want someone sitting on me. It’s happened before,”

“It’s- where? And why?” She asked. 

“In their defence, I had turned myself into a chair…” Loki said. 

“Oh my- of course they sat on you dumbass,” MJ said. “Great, here’s his class- are those bows on the wall?” 

“He said he took some stuff from Shield, I was not informed that he meant weapons,” Loki said. “Surly this is against some kind of rule,” 

“The principal has a see through hot tub next to his office to the cheerleaders, there’s not much a teacher can do that’s against the rules here,” MJ said, taking a sip from her water bottle. 

“He has a fucking what?” Loki asked. 

“Don’t worry about it,”

\---

“Thor what the fucking hell fucking shittery is this?” Wade yelled, walking over to Thor. “I mean what the  _ shit _ man?” 

“I’m fixing it,” Thor said. 

“You’re fucking shit up,” Wade said. “What are you even going to fucking to?”

“Lower your voice, there are professionals here,” Thor said, adjusting his grip on Mjolnir. Even in normal street clothes, the giant hammer and general threatening build, along with his aggressive scowling at the wall made him stand out just slightly. Wade and his open hiwian shirt wasn’t helping. 

“Okay do you wanna explain why the hell we’re in a fucking psych ward?” Wade asked, at the same volume. 

“I want to assess this man,” Thor said. 

“I love assessing things with hammers,” Wade said. “I find I have fully assessed when they are begging for their life,”

“Har har,” Thor said, tossing Mjolnir up and down. 

“Fuck. This is a bad fucking idea,” Wade said. “Do they know why you’re fucking here yet?”

“For some reason, no one has helped me yet,” Thor said sarcastically. 

“Hey! That’s Debrah!” Wade said. “She’s the nurse with a stick up her ass-  _ hey Debrah! Remember me?” _

A lady -apparently Debrah- startled, before looking at them and sighing. “Wade. What a… lovely surprise…”

“You’re still working here!” Wade said. 

“And you’re still alive,” She said. 

“Not by choice, look I need to see this asshole from when I was still here, Brian Banner or some shit,” Wade said. 

“Well his restraining order against you should have expired awhile ago so go ahead,” Debrah said, gesturing to the door. “The giant with you?” 

“This fucker?” Wade asked, gesturing to Thor. “Never seen him before in my life,” 

“Wade…” 

“Nah he’s with me,” Wade said. “Come on Thor, it’s this way,” 

“It is concerning how well you know this place,” Thor said when they got to the hallway.

“Are you really fucking suprised?” Wade asked. “Hey! We’re in room 14!” He yelled down the hallway. 

“I thought you were not fond of this idea,” Thor said. “Why are you now helping me,” 

“I think it’s fucking stupid and going to hurt everyone envolved. Why the hell would I pass that up?” Wade asked.

“So to be clear, you are helping me because you believe that I am doing a bad thing?” Thor asked. 

“Yep!” 

“Great…” 

\---

“Ooookay so today we’re learning everyones names,” Clint said, sitting on the front of his desk. “I’ll go first, I’m Cli-Mr. Barton,” Clint said. “Great, I’m not going to remember your names so just, give yourselves a name tag or something,” 

“So far so good,” MJ muttered under her breath. 

“Although there are three names I  _ will _ remember…” 

“Damn it,” 

“Infact, MJ, Loki, why don’t you stand up and introduce yourselves,” Clint said with a shit eating grin. 

“I would rather not, thank you,” Loki said, MJ just flicked him off. 

“Come on guys, don’t you want to hear Loki’s introduction?” Clint asked. “I have a idea, let’s start a chant. Lo-ki Lo-ki Lo-ki-” 

“If anyone else joins in I am throwing myself out of the window and onto the concrete,” Loki said. Keeping his word, he stood up as soon as MJ started chanting, walking to the window. 

“Oh look, he’s giving a speech,” Clint said. “Here, don’t stand by the  _ window _ come up to the front,” 

“Fine,” Loki said, grinning back at his father. “Hello there, I am Loki, I’m 16,000 years old, and my hobbies include seducing people in power, waging war against the entire planet, and, of course, murder, usually using my magical powers, may I sit down now?” 

“Sure,” Clint said. “So… I’m going to go get more coffee, try not to bully anyone into suicide yet, kay? Kay good,” 

“You can’t just leave in the middle of class,” MJ said, raising her hand. “According to that poster on the wall we should be making every moment count,” 

“Uuugh, fine, Peter go fill up my curaf,” clint said. 

“Uh, his name is Penis, and he sleeps from second to fith period. You’re going to have to pick someone else,” A kid with holes in their shoes said from the back of the class. 

“Ned, if I give this to you, are you going to drug it?” Clint asked. 

“Yes,” 

“Well at least he’s honest. MJ, please,” Clint said. MJ gave him a grin, stand up. 

“Of course. I’ll be back as quickly as I can,”

“Hurry up or you’re joining the marching band,” 

“You wouldn’t,” MJ said, half way out the door. 

“Watch. Me,” 

“But  _ Ned’s _ in the marching band,” She said. 

“Exactly, move it,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha, my knee's OUT and it HURTS and got like two hours of sleep, so excuse the spelling, I know it's bad.
> 
> Also thor had a GREAT idea and nothings wrong


	145. Always read the fine print

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

“Stay here, we’ll bring him in shortly,” A nurse said, closing the door, leaving them in a completely white and padded room. 

“This looks more like a prison then a hospital,” Thor remarked, looking around. 

“See that little loop? That’s where they handcuff you,” Wade said. “I of course, lost my handcuffing privileges a few months in,” Wade said with a grin. “Two many sex jokes for them to-” 

“Would you like to get yourself admitted again?” A lady nurse said, opening the door. “We need you two to sign a few things before we allow him to see you a high risk patient,” 

“Ooohh, I never had those!” Wade said. “Fucking festive,” 

“Here,” She said, tossing a stack of papers on the desk. “One set for each of you,” She said, closing the door behind her.

“Section A, the hospital is not responsible to the harm that will befall you or-” 

“Here, I’ll sign for you,” Wade said, grabbing his stack. “You’re going to fucking read them or something, it’ll take to long,” 

“Are you not supposed to?” Thor asked. “I could have sworn that Bruce said-” 

“Of course that’s what Bruce said, Bruce reads every fucking word of a fucking book. You need to  _ skim _ dude,” Wade said, signing the papers at rapid speed. “Trust me, it’s gunna be fucking fine,” 

“I’m sure,” Thor said, tapping the table.

“The papers are smoking Thor,” Wade said, “The tables electrocuted,” 

“Right, sorry,” Thor said, tapping it with his hammer. “It should be fine now,” 

“Did you just fucking remove the electricity… shit?” Wade asked. “With the hammer?” 

“Yah huh,” Thor said. 

“That’s… huh,” Wade said. “That must violate some fucking law of something, right?” 

“I do not care for laws, so I have no idea,” Thor said. 

“Respectable,” Wade said. 

“So is it a problem that I do not know what I am signing?” Thor asked. 

“Nah this is all like fucking policies and safty shit,” Wade said. “Trust me, it’s fine,” 

\---

“Are you guys ready to go home?” Clint asked. MJ narrowed her eyes at him, crossing her arms. “Oh- come on, it wasn’t even that bad! Everyone else thought it was funny,” 

“I can never look at you the same way,” Loki said. 

“So who’s gonna wake Peter up? Not me,” MJ said. Clint grabbed his bow, shooting right above Peter's head, pinning his hood to the wall. 

“Really? Nothing?” Clint asked. “Anyone want to get food on the way home?” 

“Hm?” Peter asked, sitting up. 

“That’s what I thought, come on,” Clint said. “Peter, good job staying out of the principles office today,” 

“Yeah… sure,” Peter said. 

“What did you do?” Clint asked with a sigh. 

“So there was this incident with Ned and this giant dead fish and-” 

“That was  _ you?” _ MJ asked. “That was so gross! I had to walk all the way around the  _ outside _ of the building to get to class!” 

“Well… the important thing is that it’s not going to happen again,” Peter said with a shrug. 

“Alright let’s just get home while all of you are still alive,” Clint said. “Uh, well at least we made it through the day without any death threats,” 

“About that…” Loki said. 

_ “Who?” _ Clint asked. 

“The principles son, no one important,” Loki said. 

“Very important, who was threatening who?” MJ asked. 

“I wouldn’t say threatening, I just happened to put a knife to his throat,” Loki said. “I didn’t even make him bleed,”

“The bar is  _ on the floor,” _ MJ said. “ ‘oh I threatened to kill him, but don’t worry, he isn’t bleeding and also he’s the principal's son’, “

“Oh well at least I didn’t start a revolution in Decathlon today, did I?” 

“That was only because they where pointedly avoiding trivia about diverse groups!” 

“This is going to be a fun ride home,” Clint said, pulling out of the parking lot. 

“Can we still stop for food?” 

\---

“Oh! You can walk now!” Wade said as soon as the nurse came in, along with a man shuffling behind her with a limp. 

His hair was stick straight, the top of it black with gray on the sides by his ears. He has a shiny face, and kept licking the top of his lip, which had a scar maybe half a inch long. The nurse guided him to the table, sitting him down on the other end and shakling him in. 

“You’re arm’s still all scared I see!” Wade said. “Damn that was fucking halariuse when that happened huh? With the IV stand? Remember?” Wade asked. “He fucking remembers,” 

“Nope,” Thor said, standing up. 

“What do you mean nope?” the nurse, observing from the corner, asked. 

“This is not a good man,” Thor said. “I do not wish to speak with him,” 

“No no, give him a minute, he really grows on yah,” Wade said, patting Brian’s scared arm. “What do you have, people sense? Like spidey sense?” 

“I have common sense,” Thor said. 

“Oooh, I was late when they handed that out,” Wade said. “Anyway, Brian, how yah been? What’s knew? You know you never mentioned to me you had a son…” 

“I don’t anymore,” Brian said. 

“Well isn’t he just a ray of sunshine fokes?” 

“What do you mean you do not anymore?” Thor asked. “Why not?”

“We went our separate ways, after he betrayed me,” Brian said, his arms crossed. “Never want to see him again, trust me, it’s mutual,”

“Alright, well I think our time is up…” Wade said, standing up. “Great reunion, really felt the love…” 

“Oh, you can’t go,” The nurse said. 

“What do you mean we can not go?” Thor asked. 

“Didn’t you read the papers we gave you? We signed him over into your care.” 

_ “Fuck,” _

“May I speak with my friend in the hallway?” Thor asked, not exactly waiting for an answer as he dragged Wade out with him. “What’s going on?” 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck- okay so the fucking point is… well alright, so when a paitent here is extra high risk of self harm they need to be released into a fucking… like a sponsor or support thing, so assuming that Bruce never signed the papers or shit…” 

“They couldn’t release him until someone did,” Thor said. “So those papers you signed…” 

“Technically they think you also signed them,” Wade said. “But… yeah,” 

“We can’t take Brian with us,” Thor said. 

“We can always hide him for a few weeks-” 

“No, I’ll kill him,” Thor said. “I do not like him very much,” 

“I mean, shit neither do I but what's your reason?” Wade asked, opening a bag of onion rings he kept in his pocket. 

“A large part of Asgardian training is to read people. It is how they would plan executions,” Thor said. 

“Wait- they killed people based on a gut feeling?” Wade asked. “That’s  _ awesome _ ,” Wade said. “That’s like what I do all the time but a whole planet,” 

“...yes,” Thor said. “The point is I know he is not a good man,” 

“Yes the arrest for the murder of his wife tipped me off, personally,” Wade said. 

“Alright, I know how to fix this,” Thor said. 

“Uh oh,” 

“I should just call Bruce and explain everything,” Thor said. 

“No!” Wade said. “You can’t just tell him shit, you need to fix it yourself,” 

“Oh, okay,” Thor said. “Maybe we can just… ask him to behave,” 

“Oh I’m sure- how fucking stupid are you?” Wade asked. “If it was that easy he wouldn’t be in the fucking phyce ward,”

“Well they must be letting him out for a reason! Maybe he’s better now…?” Thor said. 

“One minute ago you fucking hated the asshole!” Wade said. 

“I’m sure we can make it work out,” Thor said. “It’ll be fine,” 

“No- actually, you know what? I want to see this play out. Go ahead and do whatever the hell you want, but I get to watch you explain this shit show to Bruce, deal?” Wade asked, sticking out his hand. 

“Sure, but do not be surprised when I am right,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been ~crying~ all day 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter tho! I just got a deadpool comic about him actually being in a mental hospital today lol. It's great. Also aparently he wears captin america underwear... who woulda thought?


	146. BRIAN U A LIL BITCH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like it!!!

“Stop moving,” Thor said to Brian. Instead of going home right away, Wade and Thor had decided it would be better to try and stall until Bruce was worried enough to try and call them, so they were stuck on a park bench for a while. 

Brian continued to bounce his knee, looking at Thor. Thor grabbed Mjolner, slamming it slightly harder than necessary onto Brian, stopping him from moving at all. “I said stop,” 

“Ow,” Brian muttered, trying to tug himself out from under the hammer. 

“If you continue planning on being like that then I’ll leave you here for a few weeks,” Thor said. 

“Heeey, I know that pigeon,” Wade said. “Caw caw little muther fucker,” 

“The piden said fuck you,” Thor said. “Touch that hammer again and it’s going down your throat,” 

“Kinky,” Wade said. Thor rolled his eyes, before grinning slightly. 

“Alright, watch,” Thor said to Brian, grabbing Wade. “Watch carefully what I do to him. That’s going to be you if you open your mouth again,” He said, before smiting Wade while Wade giggled. 

Brian widened his eyes, his jaw falling open as he shrank back on the bench, leaning away from Thor. After several seconds of Wade being charred, Thor tossed Wade onto Brian, letting him scream, either in pain from the heat or in understandable horror.

“Wow he really got you,” Wade yelled, pulling his jaw off. Thor grimaced, noticing the children in the street agaisent and waved while Brian continued screaming. 

“Oh shut  _ up,” _ Thor said, grabbing Mjolner off of Brian’s lap as he snapped his jaw shut. 

“Hey! What are you guys doing?” Thor and Wade looked around, not seeing anyone. “I’m up here! I- Hi Mr. Thor!” Peter yelled, wearing his spiderman suit. “Who’s that?” 

“Wade’s friend!” Thor yelled back. 

“Oh! Okay!” Peter said, waving at them. “Have a good day!” 

“Go to bed!” Wade yelled, holding his jaw up to his mouth. “You have school!” 

“Whatever!” Peter yelled. “Mr. Bruce wants to know where you guys are! By the way!” 

“We should still hold out until he calls,” Thor said.

“Do you fucking know who Bruce us? I haven’t seen him willingly make a phone call ever,” Wade said. “I mean, like ever,” Wade said, continuing to hold his jaw to his face, letting it fuze back together. Brian scoffed at them, rolling his eyes. “Uh oh,”

“If you have something to say, say it,” Thor said, spinning his hammer. “Otherwise the option to speak will be removed,” 

“He hasn’t changed at all since I went in, ‘as we?” Brian asked. “Shoul’da seen ‘em when he was younger. Couldn’t do anything on his own,” 

“Oooh, it’s about to get  _ sparkly,” _

\---

“-so then  _ call _ him,” Tony said. “Especially everything with Wade before,”

“But… maybe I’ll just wait a few more minutes,” Bruce said, tapping his phone. 

“Bruce just  _ call _ him,” Natasha said. “What’s the big deal?” 

“You can’t just call someone,” Bruce said. 

“What do you mean ‘can’t just call them’ what preamble do you need before calling someone?” Tony asked. Natasha tilted her head at Bruce, tucking her legs up under her. 

“Well… I just, you know there needs to be some kind of expectation about why you should call,” Bruce said. “You can’t just call them to know where they are,” 

“Why not?” Natasha asked. 

“You just… you can’t you know?” Bruce said. “Otherwise what do you even talk about? And… you know, you just…” 

“You don’t make any sense,” Natasha said. 

“Call him or I’ll make Friday make the call. Free with a peanut gallery,” Tony said, twirling his wrench. 

“Fine fine fine fine fine,” Bruce said, hopping off his stool. “I’ll make the call okay?” 

“Where are you going?” Tony asked. 

“Remember that whole remark about a peanut gallery?” Bruce said. 

“So cute of you to assume that you will be able to block the call from us hearing you by leaving the room,” Natasha said. 

“Wh- alright whatever,” Bruce said. “I’ll see you guys later,” 

“Nooo Bruce,” Tony said. “Come baaaack,” 

\---

“Thor, your phones ringing,” Wade said, throwing the phone at him. Tony had spent a very long time creating a phone that wouldn’t break under high amounts of electricity, but so far Thor’s had held up. 

“Heeeeey Bruce,” Thor said, answering it, “so don’t be mad… yes I am with Wade- will not… okay so he’s kinda… here  _ but it’s totally fine!- _ well no, yeah I lit him on fire, no not him- ohhhh noooo you’re breaking uuup! See you soon!” Thor said, hanging up the phone. “I handled it,” 

“Very smooth,” Wade said, patting him. “So you told him?” 

“Well… we’ll see,” Thor said. “Our conversation could have been interpreted several ways,” 

“What does that fucking mean?” Wade asked. 

“It means that… I never lied,” Thor said. “He might know, if he is good at… it’s fine. I’m sure he’ll know,” 

“Wh- fine whatever,” Wade said. 

“What’s wrong with you guys-” Brian started. 

“You remember that little game we played in the cafeteria that one time? When I killed all those people?” Wade asked. “I femer stabbed a guy. He got femer stabbed,” Wade said. “If you open your mouth again then I’m doing that to you,” Wade said. “I’ll stab your leg with your femur, and then I’m going to stab your chest with each of your ribs and then-” 

“I believe he gets the picture, Wade,” Thor said, looking at Brian, who was looking paler than before, shrinking back. 

“Alright, well, you said we’de fucking leave when Bruce called you,” Wade said. “I mean, he’s called, why are we still in nature?” 

“He’s right,” Thor said, grabbing Brian’s collar, dragging him up. “Let’s go,”

“Go? Where?” Brian asked. “Why are yah talkin’ tah Bruce?” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Wade said. “It’s going to make you fucking angry and shit,” Wade said. 

“We’re going to the Stark Tower,” Thor said. “It’s where we live,” 

“We?” Brian asked. 

“Two words,” Wade said. “Femur- fucking- stabbed,” 

“Technically that’s three...” Thor said. 

“Why do you live in the Stark tower?” Brian asked. “Are you interns?” 

“Interns-  _ did you see Thor fucking fry me?” _ Wade asked. “My IQ is 3.  _ 3,” _

“Move it!” Thor said, jerking Brian forward. 

“I ‘aven’t done nothing yet!” Brain yelled. “Lemme go!” 

“Cafeteria…” Wade singsonged. “Femur stabbing…” 

\---

“What the hell are you eating?” Bruce asked, picking up Toast, who had his jaw locked around a book. “Oh- come on bud, this is new,” 

Toast didn’t reply, of course, not letting go when Bruce picked him up. “Come on buddy, let go now, come on,” He said, jiggling the book. “What do I need to do?” 

“May I suggest getting him wet?” Friday said. “He has responded negatively before,” 

“How do I do that without getting the book wet?” Bruce asked. 

“I did not mean his face, Bruce,” Friday said, with what he swore was disdain. 

“Alright, alright, sure,” Bruce said. “That makes sense, sure,” He said, putting Toast in the sink. “Please don’t freak out,” He said, turning on the faucet. 

Toast, who did not heid Bruce’s request, meowed, jumping up onto Bruce, clawing at his chest, spraying water all over the kitchen while clawing his way up Bruce. 

“Owowowowowowowowow,” Bruce said, trying to pry him off of him. 

“Bruce Thor wants to know if him, Wade, and a guest may come up,” Friday said. 

“Yeah, sure who cares,” Bruce said. “Toast, come on get off, ow, you’re all wet,” Bruce said. “I mean, sure it’s my fault that you’re wet but-”

“Bruce?” Thor yelled into the apartment. “Hey don’t be upset!”

“Why would I be upset?” Bruce asked, walking into the hallway. “I…” 

“We found your dad!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You don't want to get femur stabbed...
> 
> also... don't worry, it'll get worse for Bruce coming up here. ;)


	147. NONONONONO DON'T WORRY IT'S ALL FINE!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EVERYTHING IS FINE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S SOOOO FINE IT'S TOTALLY INSANELY FINE!

“Fuck,” Bruce said, dropping Toast, who ran for cover from the water behind Thor. 

“Bruce?” Thor asked. “Look I’m really sorry I didn’t mean,” 

“I’m not dealing with this today,” Bruce said. 

“Your… Bruce? Bruce come back!” thor yelled. 

“Not today not ever!” Bruce yelled from the room he had disappeared in. “Put it in a box or something,” 

“Bruce you have to… I’ll be right back,” Thor said, waving to Wade and Brian. “Do you have…” 

“We’re handcuffed!” Wade said. “Usually I use these for sex but…”

“Okay that’s all I needed,” Thor said. “Bruce!” 

Thor ran into their living room, which, for some reason, was on the otherside of the apartment. Toast, who had been following him, turned back when they got twordes the kitchen, racing back into the hallway with a hiss. 

“Bruce!” Thor said, sitting down next to him on the sofa. “Look I’m really sorry just… can you please just… I don’t know…” 

“What do you want me to do?” Bruce asked. “He’s here, it’s whatever, just… it’s fine,” 

“It’s… fine?” Thor asked. 

“It’s fine. Everything is completely fine,” 

\---

“What, the ever living fuck, is this?” Loki asked, opening his book. 

“Uh…” MJ said, looking over. “Geometry,” 

“Why do they expect me to do it?” Loki asked, tapping his pencil.

“Here, let me show you how to cheat on a math test,” she said, grabbing her phone. “So first you need to download this app…” 

“Don’t teach him to cheat MJ,” Natasha said from the other room. MJ looked at Clint, who was trying to do a lesson plan and failing miserably, across the couch from them. 

“Just keep your voices down,” He whispered. 

“Okay so there’s this app called photomath and so all you have to do is download it and then take a picture…” 

“MJ!” Natasha called from the other room. 

“I’m not doing anything!” She yelled back. “Dad am I doing anything?”

“She’s not doing anything!” Clint yelled. Natasha walked in the room, eyebrows raised. “For the most part,” 

“Loki you need to learn math yourself,” Natasha said. “It’s super important when you’re trying to poison people,”

“Why can I not just stab them?” Loki asked. 

“You need to be sneaky sometimes Loke,” Natasha said. 

“I am incredibly sneaky!” Loki said. 

“Math. Now,” 

\---

“I swear if you open your mouth again I am breaking each one of your teeth fucker,” Wade said, yanking hard on Brians handcuff. 

“What’d I ever do tah you?” Brian muttered. 

“You know, I was actually exited to see you again,” wade said. “You’ve been on my list for a fucking while. One of those damn cases that gets thrown out because of fucking reputation. They gave you a slap on the wrist compared to other peoples sentences,” 

“When can I leave?” Brian asked. 

“When?  _ If _ I let you leave a-fucking-live then it will be in three weeks,” Wade said. 

“I neva hurt you,” Brian muttered. “I neva did any’thin,” 

Wade rolled his eyes, walking over to the open window. They’d decided that him staying in the basement was too dangerous with Brian because Wade would be dead several thousand times over without his powers down there, so they had decided he should stay in the apartment that Thor and Loki had stayed in before.

“What’ra doin’?” Brian yelled. Wade grinned at him, grabbing his wrist before shoving him out the window, leaving him dangling outside.  _ “Ay! Lemme up!” _

“You know, I don’t think I remember you having an accent last time we talked,” Wade said, swinging his arm back and forth. “When did you pick that shit up? Huh?” 

_ “Please! Let me up!” _ He screamed, clawing at Wade. If he could die, and didn’t want to, Wade could see how the drop might be scary to someone. It was several hundred stories over manhattan traffic. 

“No, no I don’t think I will,” Wade said. “Oh! Look, if you crane your neck you can see the unicorn I drew on that wall!” Wade said. “Oh that was fun, the anatomy needs some work. What I need to do is find a real fucking unicorn and take some pictures, yah know?” 

_ “You’re insane!” _ Brian screamed. 

“Well you do know me from a fucking phyce ward,” Wade said. “What did you expect? For me to have  _ grown _ or fucking  _ changed _ or some shit?” Wade asked, jerking him to the left. “Me and my boxes are just fine,” 

_ “Please! Please let me up!” _ Brian screamed. 

“So dramatic right?” Wade said. “I didn’t think I could get you begging this quick, damn. I feel like we should move to the bedroom,” 

_ “Please please I’m sorry! I’ll be quiet!” _

\---

“Are you sure you aren't mad at me?” Thor asked, toweling off Toast. “You know you can be mad at me. Even I am mad at me, and I love me,”

“Nah,” Bruce said, picking up the towel on the floor. “Maybe slightly annoyed with Wade because he knew but whatever,” 

“So you really don’t care?” Thor asked. “Like at all?” 

“Nope,” Bruce said. “What’s there to care about? Everythings fine,” 

“But if it  _ wasn’t _ fine you’d tell someone right?” Thor asked. “It dosn’t even have to be me! Just like… talk to someone?” 

“I’m fine, it’s whatever,” Bruce said. “I got over what happened with my dad a long time ago,” 

“Isn’t the reason you didn’t die when you got blasted with radiation because of the amount of bottled up rage inside of you at your father?” Thor asked, setting down Toast, who made a mad dash for the sofa, hiding underneath. 

“Well that was like eight years ago,” Bruce said. “I’ve moved on,” 

“Really?” Thor asked. “You are indifferent about your father's presence in the tower?” 

“Completely,” Bruce said.

“Are you sure?” Thor asked. 

“Thor. I’m totally fine with this,” Bruce said. 

“Pardon my disbelief,” Thor said, handing Bruce his book. “I just know that if it were me I would still be looking for a opportunity to drive my hammer through his head,” 

“Well, maybe I was the bigger person! Is that so hard to believe?” Bruce asked, hopping up on the counter. 

“You have met your siblings, yes?” Thor asked.

“Look! It’s fine! Everything is perfectly fine! There is absolutely  _ nothing _ to worry about okay? I’m going to the lab!” Bruce said, grabbing his book and jumping off the bar. 

“What so Tony can find out?” Thor asked. 

“...fuck,” Bruce said, running a hand through his hair. 

“Come on, let’s… talk about it?” Thor said. Bruce raised a eyebrow at him. “Well… I’ll fix it! It’s going to be fine!” 

“What part of this seems fine to you?” Bruce asked. 

“Well now if he tries anything I’ll smite him, so you have that going for you,” Thor said. 

“Great! Great this is great,” Bruce said. 

“That seems like it might be sarcastic…”

“Thor what the hell do I even do?” Bruce asked. “How do you… no one teaches you how to act when your boyfriend and brother kidnap your father from a psych ward!” 

“Well we more checked him out…” Thor said. 

“This is… this is insane! Everything about this!” Bruce said, pacing back and forth. “I mean… this… how did… I hadn’t even…” 

“Alright,” Thor said, setting his hammer down and grabbing Bruce by his shoulders. “It’s going to be fine, okay? I promise you I am going to make this okay for you,”

“You can’t promise that! It’s not like you can just speak that into existence!” Bruce said, throwing his hands up. 

“I can because I just did,” Thor said, hugging Bruce. “This will be over before you know it, I promise,” 

“But it-” 

“I take my word very seriously Bruce,” Thor said. “If I said it’s going to be fine, it will be,” 

“How can you-” 

“Okay! Come on,” Thor said. “I’m turning on TV so you shut up,” 

“But-” 

“Oooh, look supernanny is on!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...maybe it's not fine.
> 
> (and has anyone here watched team Darryl on youtube because omfg


	148. Don't go to wade for peer advice...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They have invented a new kind of stupid

“What if you just didn’t talk to him?” Thor said, tangling his hand in Bruce’s hair. “At all. I just make sure you two are never in a room together,” 

“And how exactly do you plan on doing that?” Bruce asked. 

“What if I just never left your side?” Thor asked. “I could just stay here with you until he’s gone,” 

“Thor that’s stupid,” Bruce said. “I spend most of the day in the lab, it’s boring if you don’t have anything to do,”

“Well I'm not going to leave you alone,” Thor said. “What if something happens?” 

“I am an avenger you know,” Bruce said. 

“Mm, are yah though?” Thor asked. 

“Hey!” Bruce said. 

“It’s not a  _ bad _ thing, I’m just going to… guard you!” Thor said. “Look so it Toast!” 

“Toast’s trying to find his catnip toy,” Bruce said. 

“Look he’s playing with Mjulner,” Thor said. 

“For the last time, your hammer  _ isn’t _ alive. You do know that, right?” 

“Of course of course,” Thor said, which did not fully convince Bruce, seeing as the hammer still had a  _ bed _ and all. 

“Uh huh,” 

\---

“Wade I need to talk- what are you doing?” Peter asked, crawling up the ceiling to look at Wade, who startled awake, his arm still hanging out the window. 

“Oh, shit,” Wade said. “This? Just a guy i wanna antagonize a little bit,” He said. 

“Oh, alright,” Peter said, luckily not asking the thousands of questions he was known for. Although admittedly this wasn’t all that uncommon. Wade wasn’t known for being the nicest to people. “I need help with school,” 

“Go ask your genius father!” Wade said. “Of your other uncle who’s also a genius,”

“Because,” Peter said, sitting down. “It’s not homework-y stuff, it’s like… people stuff,” 

“And why the hell did you think i would be the best person to help with that?” Wade asked.

“Because my dad went to school when he was like… eleven or something, and Mr. Bruce was just bullied,” Peter said. “And everyone else in the Tower will just make fun of me,”

“I don’t think  _ that’s _ true-” 

“Mr. Wade I walked into the room and Sam just started crying,” Peter said. “Pleeease?” 

“...fine,” Wade said. “But I stand by the fact that I’m the fucking worst at this shit,” 

“That’s fine,” Peter said. “You just need to be better at it than me. Which isn’t hard at all,” 

“Fine fine fine, what do you need help with?” Wade asked. 

“So this kid-” 

“Kill him,” 

\---

“Thor your phone’s ringing,” Bruce said, handing it to Thor. 

“Ew it’s Wade,” Thor said, answering in speakerphone. “...hello… Wade,” 

“Yeah yeah I’m gross and you don’t want to talk to me, I get it, but I have some people to go kill at Peters school and Brian’s passed out from fear I think so I’m just shaking him to this pipe. Okay? Good, gotta go,” Wade said, all in one, very fast breath, before hanging up.

“Brian can pick locks,” Bruce said. “He worked with the police for a little while after community service, they taught him,” 

“Shit,” Thor said. “Alright  _ you _ stay here,” He said. 

“Wh-” 

“I’ll be right back,” Thor said, grabbing Mjulner from Toast, who had been making a valent effort to chew through the metal. 

“What are you going to do?” Bruce asked, following him anyway. 

“I’m just going to watch him, make sure he does not get any bright ideas,” Thor said. “Why don’t you go to the lab?” 

“Nah I’ll come with you,” Bruce said. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Bruce…” 

“What? I lived with the guy for years! At least I know how his mind works,” Bruce said. “I’ll know what to expect, you’re walking into this whole thing blind,”

“But I can smite people!” 

“You can’t solve all of your problems by smiting people,” Bruce said. 

“Okay but just one more-” 

“I’m coming with you or you arn’t going at all,” Bruce said, crossing his arms. Not that he actually could stop Thor, but he was operating on the assumption Thor would respect his wishes. 

“...fine,” Thor said, grabbing his hand. “But I get to stand in front of you,” 

“Oh boy…” Bruce said. Thor narrowed his eyes, spinning his hammer as they walked up the stairs. And no, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the elevators, but Thor had a tendency to press all the buttons whenever they were in there together. 

Thor’s legs were also just a  _ little _ bit longer -only a little, seriously, barely noticeable guys- so he ended up more pulling Bruce up the stairs and dragging him into the apartment Wade had been forced into. The door snapped open with an unnecessary amount of force, banging into the wall behind it, making Bruce wince. 

“Glad to see you stopped in,” Brian said from the table, where he was writing in a notebook. 

“You need to stay put,” Thor said, picking him up by the arm and dragging him back to the pipe, which still had the unopened handcuff attached to it, spilling the beer that Brian had somehow managed to get a hold of in the process. 

“Bruce what is it you do now?” Brian asked, grinning at them. Thor glared, moving in front of Bruce. 

“I’m a scientist,” Bruce said, picking up the spilled bottle with a napkin. 

“Heh, you know I used to be a scientist,” Brian said. 

“Yes I believe Bruce is very much aware,” Thor said. 

“So useless, science. What’s the point of science again, Bruce?” Brian asked. 

“The aim of science is to explain and understand the world around us and invent ways to make life as we know it safer or easier,” Bruce said automatically, throwing away the bottle. 

“To understand shit,” Brian said, bobbing his head up and down. “What’s there to understand? What’s the point in it, huh? You just poison everything around you and wait and wait until you can die,” Brian said.

Thor stepped forward, tossing Mjulner up and down a few times, before dropping it directly on Brian’s lap, making him groan in pain. 

“Well he’s not lifting that any time soon,” Thor said, kicking Brian’s leg for good measure. “Come on Bruce, we’re leaving,” He said, grabbing Bruce’s hand, pulling him back to the door. 

“Oh, sure. Leave. Like your mother tried to,” Brian yelled after them. “That’s all anyone wants to do anyway, isn’t it? Leave! Leave me and everything I have worked so-” 

Brian’s monologue was cut off by Thor slamming the door behind them. He grabbed Bruce’s hand, pulling him down the stairs with a grim look on his face. Bruce couldn’t remember how many details he’d shared about his mother with Thor, not very many knowing the kind of person Bruce was, but clearly some. Or maybe Thor just hated Brian that much. They walked all the way to the apartment in total silence, pausing at the door. 

“Are you okay?” Thor asked, looking at Bruce, who nodded aggressively at him. “It’s fine if you arn’t…”

“It’s… it’s fine Thor,” Bruce said, moving to go inside. Thor however, stayed still, holding onto Bruce. 

“You seem to be saying that fraze a lot for someone who clearly doesn’t believe it,” Thor said. 

“...I do believe it,” Bruce said. “I don’t say things i don’t believe,” 

“Then your face is speaking something very different then what you apparently believe,” Thor said. “Just tell me what i can do. I want to fix this,” 

“There’s nothing, Thor. It’s fine,” Bruce said, trying to go back in again. This time Thor moved with him, closing the door behind both of them. 

“Then I will just hug you and hope for the best,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heheheh I had to zoom with people that will sky rocket the sewer slide rate in washington and I HATE EVERYTHING


	149. mind empty, no think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BRUCE YOU DUMB BITCH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy I guess!

“Bruce, if I were to advise you to reconsider, would you take that under advisement in any capacity?” Friday asked as Bruce stepped into the elevator. 

“Nope,” Bruce said, pressing the button. 

“May I at least ask you why you think it would be beneficial to anyone at this moment?” Friday asked. 

“I just… I dunno,” Bruce said. “I feel weird leaving him just stranded up there. I just want to make sure he hasn’t choked on his own tongue or something,” Bruce said. 

“And why are you doing so at two in the morning?” Friday asked. 

“Because I needed to wait until Thor was asleep,” Bruce said. 

“Should that not inform you that-” 

“Friday mute,” Bruce said, opening the door and flipping on the lights. “Hello?” 

“Who are you?” Brian yelled through the apartment, the voice echoing throughout the whole apartment. 

“It’s just me, Brian,” Bruce said, suddenly regretting his decision to come down. “I just wanted to make sure you’re alive,” 

“Oh you suddenly start caring about it now? Now that you have to see me huh?” Brian asked. “When I was locked up in the loony bin it was a fucking free for all, but now you’re ready to grow up? Typical,”

“Well I just-” 

“Just what? What the hell is wrong with you?” Brian asked. “How can you  _ abandon _ your family like that? Hurt your own family,”

“Oh yeah, that doesn't sound hypocritical at all,” Bruce said flatly. 

“You just left me there, left me to suffer in that place forever,” Brian said, slumping against the wall. “Do you know what it was like? They didn’t even let me drink in there. For years, can you imagine!” 

“Well, I’ve never drank so… not really,” Bruce said, rubbing his neck. 

“Why the hell not?” Brian asked. “Too much of a sissy huh? Doesn't surprise me. You were always that way,” 

“What does- nevermind,” Bruce said. “I don’t know why I came, I’ll… I’m just going to go,”

“Yeah yeah, leave I don’t care,” Brian said. “Leave like everyone,” 

“I… I wanted to ask you something…” Bruce said, turning around. “Do… do you remember the night my mom died?” 

“Of course,” Brian said. “It’s too bad that she made such a stupid choise, maybe she’d still be with us today,” He said. “Not that I think she’d be thrilled to keep either of us in her life,” 

“What uh… what do you mean by that?” Bruce asked. 

“Look at yourself. Do you really think she would be jumping with joy to turn out what her son turned out to be?” 

“I’m sorry I have to go-”

“Hey! Wait!” Brian yelled, “Aren't you going to move this damn hammer off of me!” 

“I- Uh I can’t move it, sorry,” Bruce said. “I just- sorry,” 

“Move it! Move it! Come on!” Brian yelled as Bruce slunk out of the room, blinking his eyes quickly.

“Wish you had listened now, huh?” Friday said. Bruce just shook his head, taking the stairs two at a time. He was to out of it to wait for the elevator, until his heel slipped, making him bang his head on the railing. 

“Ow… shit,” Bruce said, pressing his hand to the injury, seeing it come away slightly bloody. “Damnit,” 

“Should I alert-” 

“Don’t alert anybody!” Bruce said, dabbing at his forehead with his hand. “I’m just going to go to bed okay? It’s fine,” 

“...if you feel that is what’s best,” Friday said. Bruce nodded, finally making it down the last four steps and into the apartment, desperately wanting to slam the door behind him, although he didn’t to try and keep up the illusion he’d never left. 

He kicked off his shoes, walking into their bedroom. He’d let Thor go to bed at around twelve, still too anxious to lie down with his father upstairs, so he went to his dresser, picking out his pajamas.

“Bruce?” Thor asked, sitting up in bed, making Bruce jump. “Are you just… now going to bed?” He asked sleepily, sitting up. 

“Yeah! I uh… I got distracted,” Bruce said, rubbing his eyes. He’d had a moment when he was pretty sure he was going to be breaking down in tears, but it seemed he’d avoided it. “I’m sorry,” 

“ ‘n’t be sorry,” Thor muttered. 

“I’m just going to brush my teeth, I’ll be right back,” Bruce said, grabbing his pajamas and rushing into the bathroom. He brushed his teeth as quickly as he could, pulling on his pajamas and throwing his clothes in the hamper, even though they where probably still clean, before lying down with Thor, who seemed to have perked up a little sense he’d woken up. 

“Your forehead…” Thor said, his eyes widening when he say. 

“Oh- it’s… don’t worry about-” 

“Hon what happened?” Thor asked, sitting upright, grabbing Bruce with him. Bruce was proud of himself for only barley flinching away from him. “Here, I wanna put a bandaid on this,” 

“No no no, it’s fine really,” Bruce said, eyes wide. “I’m- I didn’t mean to-” 

“Come on,” Thor said, standing up and pulling Bruce with him. Thor was still warm from sleeping, a sharp contrast to Bruce’s hands, which never really warmed up ever.

“I’m sorry I-” 

“Don’t be sorry,” Thor said, letting go of his hand to root around for their first aid kid down below their sink. He finally found it, placing it on the counter. “Jump up here so I can reach you,” 

Bruce signed, jumping up at Thor’s request, swinging his legs back and forth while Thor fumbled with the numbing cream stuff he always insisted on puting on. “Can I ask you a question?” He asked after a minute. 

“Of course,” Thor said, blinking. “You just did,” 

“Do you… well i uh-” Bruce started, shaking his head and trying to avoid Thor who was looking at him like he was the most important thing on the planet. “Do you think I’m a bad person?”

“What?” Thor asked, blinking at him. 

“Do you think I’m a bad person? I mean I’ve definitely done some stuff that’s not  _ great _ but then I was thinking and-” 

“Why the fuck would you think that?” Thor asked, taking him by surprise. 

“Well… I was just-” 

“You joined the team of superhero’s that saves the world one a year or so, before that you where a scientist who did good things for midgard and such, and you manage to be kind to everyone in the tower, which is the greatest feat yet. Even I am unable to do that,” Thor said. “And I’m great! You’re just crazy. Maybe you hit your head harder then I thought,” 

“I’m fine,” Bruce said, hopping down. “I’m just going to go to bed,”

“Wait Bruce-” 

“I said I’m fine!” Bruce said, ducking around Thor to their bedroom. “Jeeze,” 

Thor gave up, lying next to Bruce, tucking his head under Thors. “How’d you hurt your head?” He asked finally. 

“Oh I just tripped,” Bruce said. 

“Where?” Thor asked. Bruce shrugged, rubbing his arm. “I just can’t think of where you’d trip, you’ve lived her forever,”

“Well I’m clumsy sometimes,” Bruce said with a shrug. 

“Hm,” Thor said. “Are you?” 

“Uh… very. Very very sure,” Bruce said. 

“Alright them,” Thor said. “Good night,” 

\---

“Friday? Friday what happened to Bruce?” Thor whispered, as soon as he was sure Bruce was asleep. 

“Bruce fell down the stairs,” Friday said. 

“Why was he on the stairs in the first place?” Thor asked, running a hand through Bruce’s hair. 

“I believe he was visiting his father upstairs,” Friday said. “Due to the nature of their discussion he was highly distracted and ended up slipping. He hit his head on the hand rails,”

“What did his father say to him?” Thor asked, trying to remember to whisper while holding Bruce closer. 

“I will not revise the conversation, but it was in no way pleasant,” Friday said. 

“I swear I’m going to kill him,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeey so my upload thing maaay be a bit screwy because my house is burning down...
> 
> I'm at my grandparents, it's fine... but yeah the house is burning down! And I hurt my elbow really bad running out so... eh!


	150. Brian on the loose!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry for missing a day guys! Hopefully I can get back on a better rythem while I'm at my grandparents!

“Incoming call from Peter,” Friday said, interrupting Tony’s music. 

“Redirect it to my phone, thanks Fri,” Tony said, picking up his phone. “Hey kid, what’s up? Shouldn’t you be in school?” 

“Can… can you come get me?” Peter asked.

“Come get you… yeah sure, what’s going on?” Tony asked, walking to the elevator, still scribbling on a tablet with the phone pressed to his ear. 

“Uh… I threw up?” Peter said. Tony sighed, shaking his head. With Peters metabolism is was hard for him to throw up because food didn’t sit in his stomach for long. 

“Okay well, I will be there in maybe twenty minutes, hold on okay bud?” He asked. 

“Sure,” Peter said, after a pause that Tony was assuming ment he’d nodded and then remembered they were on a call. 

“Okay. See you soon,” He said, hanging up before jumping in the car. “Friday do you have any information on him?” Tony asked. 

“According to his blood sugar levels, it’s unlikely that he’s eaten within the time period it would take for him to be able to throw up,” Friday said. “Unless there was no digestion at all, which seems highly unlikely,”

“Okay. Thanks Fri,” Tony said, tapping his steering wheel. “Hey when’s Happy coming back?” 

“Well, his nephew, who lives with Happy and Happy’s brother is still immunocompromised, so he will most likely stay absent until a cure is mass distributed. Until then all pay for Happy is on hold,” 

“Oh hold?” Tony asked. “What- okay make sure he’s getting his normal pay, and pay him whatever he’s missed, alright? And make sure he know’s his job will still be here. He probably thinks I was going to fire him or something,” Tony muttered. 

“Right away sir,”

“Oh, actually raise that by… I dunno like 30 dollars for the kids treatment,” Tony said. “I swear if he dies because of me…” 

“Of course boss. Will that be all?” Friday asked. 

“Yes, thank you Friday,” Tony said, still muttering to himself. “On hold- unbelievable,” 

\---

“Okay so don’t freak out,” Wade said, swinging into Thor and Bruce’s apartment. “Brian got out,” 

“How?” Thor asked standing up. Bruce had woken up first -if he’d fallen asleep at all- and scampered off to the lab first thing in the morning, well before Thor woke up. 

“I dunno! I was fucking around and I kicked the hammer thing and it went flying! I assumed I was hallucinating so I just ignored it, but then I woke up and he was fucking gone!”

“What- why where you- nevermind,” Thor said. “Friday do you have any idea where Brian is?”

“Brian Banner seems to have left the building roughly six hours ago,” Friday said. 

“...this is fine,” Thor said. “Where’s the hammer?” 

“I don’t fucking know somewhere in the street!” Wade yelled. “It’s… I didn’t think it actually moved! Who knows!” 

“Alright, hold on,” Thor said, sticking his hand out. An awkward minute of crashing and screaming later, the hammer came tearing through the wall, ripping apart the drywall in the process. “Friday where’s Bruce?” 

“Bruce Banner is in the lab, working with rather hazardous materials. I would not recommend disturbing him for everyone’s safety,”

“Great,” Thor said, stepping through the rip in the drywall.

“Smooth,” Wade commented, smacking Thor with the back of his hand. Thor just stared at him. “Alright let’s go,”

\---

“Are you planning on telling me what’s going on?” Tony asked, looking at Peter in the back mirror. Peter, who was slumped over himself, his arms crossed. “Or do you just feel like pouting for a bit?” 

“I got in a fight with someone,” Peter mumbled. 

“Good for you! Who’d you fight with?” Tony asked. 

“I dunno, there was this weirdo who wandered into the building, and he did some weird stuff and so I was like ‘what are you doing’ and he was like ‘nothing’ but then he started yelling at people and so I punched him and then he punched me and then he left and then I was like ‘weird’ and so then I ignored it but then there was this thing where-” 

“Kid, you have to take breaths in between,” Tony said. Peter paused, taking a exaggerated breath. “Alright what happened?” 

“So I was avoiding people at lunch before Mr. Clints class, and so I was like ‘I should go on the roof’ and then there was like, some kid selling drugs and stuff and I told him not to because I’m  _ Spiderman _ but then he started yelling at me to not get any closer but then I did and I actually  _ know _ this kid from decathlon and he yelled at me and I got sad so I called you,” Peter said. 

“I- this all happened in a school day?” Tony asked. 

“Uh huh,” Peter said. “Anyway, that’s all. I uh- well yeah. Oh! And Ned took my lunch again,” 

“Kid…” 

“I know I’m a superhero and whatever but he was so sad and I figured that what would it hurt so then I was like ‘go ahead’ because I thought he only wanted  _ some _ of my lunch, but then he took  _ all _ of my-” 

“Okay, hush, I’m driving you through somewhere,” Tony said. 

“Don’t forget we’re boycotting Chick-fil-a,” Peter said, bouncing. 

“Don’t worry, I handled that,” Tony said. 

“Oh. Okay!” Peter said. “Wait- handled what?”

“Don’t worry about it,” 

\---

“Brian? Nope, that's a trash bag,” Wade said, skipping to the next alley. Thor had taken to checking the skies with his hammer, while Wade was conducting his more.... Typical, approach. “Brian? Nope that’s a rat. Fucking a pigeon,” 

“Maybe the boxes are right,” Wade muttered, picking up his phone. “I  _ guess _ I can check the damn news,” He said, pulling up the app on his phone. “Oh hey, look at that, Peter punched a guy,” He said, scrolling through. “Oh Peter punched  _ our _ guy! Fuck!”

Wade sent a text to Thor with the link, plus about a million unnecessary emojis, before hoping on the back of some random guy’s truck while pulling up the school's security footage. 

“Wade, I believe that Brian Banner has returned to the Tower, should you wish to converse with him,” Friday said. “Mr. Odinson has been informed, and is currently trying to change his trajectory,”

“Can’t he just turn around in the fucking air?” Wade asked. 

“Yes I have suggested that many times,” Friday said. “He has yet to be keen on taking my advice,” 

“Alright. Fuck it, let’s go,”

\---

“Whoever just came into the lab, you need to be comfortable with dying,” Bruce called out, hearing the doors open. “This is Azidoazide azide, it’s-”

“Azidoazide azide is an extreme case of this phenomenon, in which its high energy conformation is so unstable that it will result in the explosion of almost any material,” Brian said, leaning against the counter. 

“Oh. Great,” Bruce said. “Don’t make any sudden movements, you’ll blow this place sky high,” He said. 

“Doesn't seem all that bad to me,” Brian said. “You agree? Or did you get over that little faze,”

“Well, unlike you, I don’t make a habit of dragging everyone down with me,” Bruce said. “I need to seal this off before we talk, otherwise… you know,” 

“Scientific explosions seem to run in the family,” Brian said.

“Oh, yeah, that’s real funny,” Bruce said, sealing off the container. “What do you need,”

“I want to know why,” Brian said, crossing his arms. 

“Why what?” Bruce asked, running a hand through his hair. 

“Why did you abandon me like that?” Brian asked. “Through me away like I’m trash in that loony bin,” 

“I don’t know,” Bruce said, keeping his back to Brian. 

“We’re family Bruce. You owed it to me to be there,” Brian said. 

“We stopped being family a long time ago,” Bruce said with a dry laugh, shaking his head. 

“Am I funny to you? Am I a joke?” Brian asked, taking a step forward. 

“I don’t really wanna fight…” Bruce said. 

“You know I waited for you to visit. Every day, at visiter hours, sitting there alone, humiliated, while everyone  _ else's _ children came to see them,”

“I’ve been busy,” Bruce said, stepping further into the lab. 

“Too busy for me huh? Interesting, you haven’t done shit in the last, what, ten years?” Brian said, following him. “Nothing in the news, nothing published, no  _ accomplishments _ what have you been doing, huh? What’s so important,”

“I think that maybe, you have been checking the wrong news outlets,” Bruce said. “And… it’s interesting, you said you waited for me to visit, but I’m a massive disappointment, aren't I? How does that work again?” 

“I expected so much from you. Do you know the plans I had?” Brian asked. “I wasn’t always ashamed to say my son's name. You did that. That’s on you,” 

“I should get going,” Bruce said, shaking his head.

“Sense you where a kid. Every teacher raved about how smart you where, but there was always a ‘but’. You where the perfect student, until it came to  _ you _ Bruce. Imagin what someone else with your skills could have done. It would have been better then this,” 

“Have a good day Brian,” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is Brian like ~that~ yah know? 
> 
> Also they have to like, tear down walls and stuff in my house now. IDK it's gonna be a few weeks until I can move back home so... yah. But you know, I made it out alive. Unfortunately. 
> 
> ALSO; comment what you wanna see happen with Brian before he ~leaves~


	151. Yeah your auther is depressed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brian should never have been ~born~
> 
> I'm so so so sorry about the shitty uploading squedual, I swear I am working as hard as I can but I have people looking over my sholder every two seconds and tbh my modivation is 0

“I don’t think I have been clear enough,  _ Brian,”  _ Wade said, grinning at the man. “You don’t  _ get _ to do what you want. Now, while you get comfy here, I think I’m going to get to my nightly program,” He said, flipping on the TV. 

“I’m sorry! I’m so-” 

“I would like to take this time to remind everyone that apologies cannot be sincere or taken to a degree of seriousness when made out of fear,” Friday said. 

“That’s my  _ girl _ Friday!” Wade said, pumping his fist. 

“Not a girl, Wade. I am simply a AI with feminine voice coding,” 

“Cool. Non-binary AI. Got it. Can you turn on my show?” Wade asked. Friday obliged, turning on the first Jigsaw movie, which was the only thing he watched, other then My Little Pony on repeat. 

“Oh- shit where’s Bruce? I was going to see if he wated to beat the shit out of Brian before I make him pass out,” Wade said, looking at Brian, who was upside down in a cage that he’d hung from the basement ceiling. For reasons not disclosed he refused to return to the apartment. 

“Bruce is not in the building, seeing as Peter convinced him to turn into the Hulk. The Hulk and Peter are currently playing in the Spiderweb,” 

“Fuck yeah. Hey, Brian once this show’s over I’ma scare the fucking shit out of you, okay? Okay!”

“W- what are you going to do to me?” Brian asked, shrinking back. 

“You remember all that shit you’ve said to Bruce? About not being worth anything and never doing shit? Yeah all of that’s going to bite you in the ass,” Wade said. 

“Why? What are you going to do?” Brian asked. 

“Actually, Friday, turn on that one really funny Hulk documentary. You know the one with the picture of- yes! That one! Thank you mother-fucking-AI!” 

“Of course Wade,” Friday said. “Enjoy,” 

\---

“So kid, you know I don’t hold this against you,” Tony said, leaning against the wall of the lab. “But, I just want to clarify something from yesterday, okay?” 

“Mhm,” Peter said. 

“So, just so I have this right, some random guy walked into your school and started antagonizing people, so you punched him and he left, right?” Tony asked. 

“Yeah basically,” Peter said. 

“But then, after that, your friend was rude to you,” Tony said. “And  _ that’s _ why you called me to come pick you up?” 

“Uh huh,” Peter said, messing with his hoodie. Wade had told him he needed to borrow the Hulk for a ‘game’ and Peter hadn’t wanted to ask any questions, so he’d thrown a hoodie on and left.

“But the guy you got in a literal fist fight with didn’t bother you?” Tony asked. 

“Uh… nope!” Peter said. 

“You… are one special kid,” Tony said. “Alright, so science. I want to try and invert the reaction to create a implosion of particles within the astro nuclear reactor so to do that we-” 

“Have to find a way to manipulate the particles to cause an inversion. Like with electricity or something,” Peter said. 

“I want to see if I can create a sentient mind withing the particle so they willingly make the formation, that way if there is a break they will reform on their own,” Tony said. 

“Well that’s impossible,” A voice said from the back of the lab, making Peter jump. 

“Who would you be exactly?” Tony asked. 

“Oh- shit! Dad, that's the guy I punched!” Peter said. “He tried to take a picture up some girl's skirt! I knocked his tooth out, see!” Peter said. 

“How did you get in here?” Tony asked. Peter 'subtly’ put on his web shooters. 

“I’m here visiting Bruce,” He said, crossing his arms. 

“Nope. Not willingly,” Tony said. 

“Yeah Mr. Bruce  _ hates _ people,” Peter said. 

“Well, we’re… connected,” Brian said. 

“What exactly is your name?” Tony asked, stepping forward. Peter jumped to the wall, crawling forward, slightly behind Tony’s shoulder. 

“You must not know Bruce that well then,” Brian said, crossing his arm. 

“I think you should get going,” Tony said. 

“Actually Boss, he is legally required to stay on the premise unless accompanied by Thor or Wade,” Friday said. 

“Okay what the hell is going on?” Tony asked.

\---

“Bruce your father is a little mother fucker!” Tony yelled, storming into Bruce’s apartment, without knocking, and flopping on his sofa. “I’m not even mad that you didn’t tell me about him, he’s a bitch,” 

“Oh… you… met him. Huh,” Bruce said. He was crashed out on the sofa after being the Hulk. They’d worked it out so once or twice a month he let the Hulk run around in the tower with Peter in some special room. It made things easier to keep him from becoming the Hulk randomly, but the changes where still hell on him. “That’s… interesting,” 

“Yeah Peter punched him in the face,” Tony said. “I brought you a gatorade and advil,”

“Thank you,” Bruce said, barley attempting to catch the bottles Tony through at him. 

“You know you only take two advil, right?” 

“It’s physically worse on me if I take any less then seven,” Bruce said. 

“Wh- why?” Tony asked. “How?” 

“Because if I take any less then I’m going to shoot myself in the head,” Bruce said. “...again,” 

“I swear,” Tony said. “You’re destroying your liver in the most boring way possible,” he said, clapping his hands. “So, your father,” 

“Wade accidentally… let him out of the psych ward and… uh… yeah,” Bruce said, swallowing the Advil dry, making Tony wince in sympathy, although Bruce didn’t even bat an eye. 

“Well that sucks,” Tony said. “I assume Thor and Wade know the backstory and all?” 

“I uh… Wade read the case file notes, and then he told Thor about it, but… uh…” Bruce started. 

“So they know maybe one eighteenth of what actually happened,” Tony said. “What’s the worst of it, according to them?” 

“They know they got him on child abuse and battery, and man slaughder, but they don’t really know uh…” 

“So most of it is still under the rug?” Tony asked. 

“I mean… yeah… sure?” Bruce said, shrugging. 

“So how’s that going,” Tony said. “How normal are you acting, with this? I’m dying to find out if they can tell,” 

“I don’t know,” Bruce said, rubbing his forehead. “Wait where-” 

“I gave him to Wade. He was  _ incredibly _ enthusiastic at the hand off,” Tony said. “Really though, how are you doing?” 

“It’s… I dunno,” Bruce said. “I’m fine,” 

“As much as you deserve a oscer for your roll in acting okay, I would like to ask you to step away and let me talk to the real Bruce,” Tony said. “Never once have you actually seemed fine when you said that,” 

“I dunno. It’s just weird to have him here,” Bruce said. “And then trying to act like… everythings okay… I don’t know,” 

“You do know, if you just told them that you went okay, and that this was actually a shitty situation, no one would judge you,” tony said. 

“I just… it feels wrong,” Bruce said. “Like… he seems like basically a good guy now, so I don’t want to be to upset with him but-” 

“Oh my- Bruce, I think you might actually be hopeless you- it’s so clearly that he was in the wrong so- I just assume that you would know how  _ clearly _ in the wrong your father is,”

“Well sure in the past but-” 

“Dude Peter just punched him in the jaw because he wandered into the school and took pictures up some girls skirt,” Tony said. 

“Well… uh…”

“Come on Bruce, you have to be able to tell by now,” Tony said. 

“You know I should really get going…” Bruce said, standing up. Tony jumped up too, grabbing Bruce’s wrist. 

“Bruce,” Tony said. 

“...I need to get back to the lab,” 

“Do you?” Tony asked. 

“I’ll see you later,” Bruce said, twisting his wrist out and retreating out the door. 

“Friday keep a eye on him, okay?” Tony said. “I want to know if he… just keep a eye on him,” 

“Of course Boss,” Friday said. “Rest assured that Brian is being given a unpleasant punishment for this morning,” 

“Good,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mwahahaha 
> 
> Also your comments are the highlight of my day y'all, thank you!


	152. YOUR AUTHOR IS....... FUCKED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chronic pain isn't normal? 
> 
> also enjoy tha chapta

“Bruce. Bruce. Bruce. Bruce. Bruce- Peter my arm’s getting tired, can you throw the paper at him?” Tony asked. Peter nodded, taking the notebook of notes that had all turned out completely wrong, wadding them up and tossing them at Bruce. 

“Mr. Bruce. Mr. Bruce. Mr. Bruce. Mr. Bruce. Mr. Bruce-” 

_ “What?” _ Bruce asked finally, turning around.

“Uh- dad what did you need Mr. Bruce for?” Peter asked. 

“He looked stressed,” Tony said. 

“Mr. Bruce dad want’s to know if you’re-” 

“Yeah I got it Peter,” Bruce said, rubbing his forehead. 

“He’s got it dad,” Peter said, with a slight grin that barely gave away that he wasn’t completely sincere.

“Okay go climb a ceiling or something,” Tony said. 

“Okay. I’m going to play Amung Us and cry, is that okay?” Peter asked. 

“Uh-” 

“Great! Thanks,” Peter yelled, skipping out of the lab.

“Bruce. Come on,” Tony said, raising his arms after the door closed behind Peter.

“What?” Bruce asked. 

“Dude, you’ve been working in here for what, thirty hours straight? I mean I do it all the time but by now normally you would have at least slept and come back,” Tony said. “Does Thor know where you are?”

“I’m sure he does. He can always ask Friday,” Bruce said. 

“Okay you need to take a break. You’re just hiding in here,” Tony said. 

“That’s slightly hypocritical… coming from you and all,” Bruce said, walking away from Tony. 

“Ooh, someone’s been reading the tabloid articles,” Tony said. “Really, come on buddy,” Tony said. “I’ll hold your hand and walk you out,” 

“Tony-” 

“You’re right, I should call your boyfriend first,” Tony said. “That will improve this situation,” 

“Alright, fine you want me to leave? Look, I’m leaving,” Bruce said, picking up his papers and turning to the door. 

“I want you to tell me what’s going on with all of ‘this’,” Tony said. 

“You know what’s going on,” Bruce said. 

“Do I?” Tony asked. “Because I get a feeling that there is something going on here that I don’t quite understand,” 

“I thought you knew everything,” Bruce said, rolling his eyes. 

“So did I, that’s what makes this so unsettling,” Tony said. “Fine, I can stay in here. By myself. Just… wondering,” 

“Well- I mean you’re right, I should go,” Bruce said. 

“You can’t sweep this under the rug forever Bruce, you know that right?” Tony said. “I mean, sure do what you want for now, but eventually this is going to come back to bite you,” 

“Thanks Tony,” Bruce said, ducking out. Tony rolled his eyes, turning back to him work while humming under his breath. 

“He’s going to screw himself over witht his, huh Friday?” Tony said. 

“Most definitly sir,” Friday said. “I should inform you, Wade Wilson has extended a invitation to you if you would like to join in throwing ‘water’ balloons at Brian Banner, should that interest you,” 

“Oh hell yes,” 

\---

“This homework is to hard, I’m just going to drop out. I don’t think I was made for academia,” 

“Clint you just need to divide the grade,” Natasha said. “Why are you using a pen, grab a pencil,” she said, handing one to him. 

“Why didn’t I just make them all out of 100?” Clint yelled. “Tasha will you please help me? Please?” 

“Ugh, fine, hand me a few,” Natasha said. Clint held the stack out to her, letting her grab a couple. “Yikes,” 

“Yeah yeah I know,” Clint said. 

“Should I be grading the students or the teacher because there are a lot of grammar errors in here-” 

“I didn’t come here for criticism tasha,” clint said, moving to grab the papers back. She didn’t let him, moving away before he could snach them. 

“I don’t know which is more depressing, that half of your questions sound like this one; ‘when was the war of 1812’ or that this kid got them wrong still,” She said. 

“Public education,” Clint said. 

“Isn’t this a privet school?” Natasha asked.

“I don’t even give a shit,” Clint said, throwing a tennis ball at the wall, catching Lucky’s attention. “Oh, sorry Nat, but Lucky clearly needs me to play with him…”

“Lucky, come,” Natasha said, patting the sofa. Lucky jumped up, wiggling in between them and curling up to lick her face, until leaning forward, sniffing the papers. “Whacha doing Luck?” 

Lucky jumped forward, barking at the papers, making both of them jump. “Lucky what the-” 

“One of the kids probably has a dog,” Natasha said, standing up on the sofa to get the papers away. “Clint! He’s going to drool on the papers!” 

“Half the kids drool on their papers anyway!” Clint yelled, standing up anwaym jumping on the coffee table while Lucky continued to freak out. “Geeze! Calm down!” 

“Is everything alright?” Loki asked, peeking his head around the door, raising his eyebrows at the scene in front of him. “Oh-” 

“Yep! Everythings fine Loki!” Natasha yelled. 

“...clearly,” Loki said, rubbing his eyes. He looked like he’d just rolled out of bed, which he most likely had, his hair pulled into a comedic messy bun. “Well, I guess I will just… leave you all to it,” 

“Wait- call the dog!” Clint yelled, holding up the papers.

“What so he can come into my room?” Loki asked. 

“Yes!” 

Loki rolled his eyes, walking out instead of calling him, and grabbing Lucky’s collor, pulling him into his room while flicking them off. 

“Love the attitude!” Natasha yelled, rolling her eyes as Loki closed the door. Loki’s door opened a crack for him to stick both fingers out at them, along with Lucky’s nose. “Do your homework!” 

“I just had a idea,” Clint said, smacking the side of the sofa. 

“That never goes well,” She said, sitting back down, this time next to him. 

“I’m going to have the kids grade each others papers!” Clint said. 

“What’s the ‘and’?” Natasha asked. “With most people it’s a ‘but’ but with you it’s a ‘and’,” 

“And then I will take all of the grades they give each other and add them up and then divide! Then it’ll be fair!” clint said. 

“No,” Natasha said. “Oh this kid did pretty good- never mind,” 

“What?” Clint asked. 

“They drew a giant penis in the middle of the page,” Natasha said. 

“Oh give them extra points for that,” Clint said. 

“Clint I swear-” 

\---

“Has it been three weeks yet? I feel like we should be able to release it out to the wild by now,” Wade remarked, looking at Brian, who was suspended from the ceiling by a cage. Still. 

“No, but we can let him go anyway,” Tony said. 

“You’re right, I break the law all the fucking time, why did that not occore to me?” Wade asked. “My brain’s broken,” 

“We  _ all _ know. Everyone,” Tony said. “No need to tell us. Literally-” 

“My boxes don’t like you very much,” 

“Well fuck you to,” 

“Uh oh Tony, be carful, SI products may not be appropriate for young audiences if the owner uses that kind of language,” Wade said, wiggling a finger at him. 

“You know, you are my least favoret person in this tower,” Tony said. 

“We both hate me! At least we have one thing in commen,” Wade said with a grin while unhooking the cage from the roof. 

“Wait-” 

“Come on, I want to humiliate him a bit before he’s released into the wild,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I have hEDS... fuck. 
> 
> I can't get back into my house for at least a month, and it's pretty hard to write with my grandparents everywhere (love them to death but...)
> 
> But i think i might make my life harder then nessisary, and start the highschool au. maybe. but if i do this one will either stop or be put on hold so idk. let me know what you want bc i have so many ideas and so little time. (i could also still do oneshots within this univirse idk)  
> xoxo


	153. Hehehe you arn't ready for this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IT'S BEEN A LONG FUCKING TIME OKAY I KNOW!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

“Tony can I talk to you for a minute?” Pepper asked, stepping into the lab, wincing at the loud music. 

“I would love to talk to you, but I have someone to abuse,” Tony said, kissing her cheek. 

“Tony- who?” She asked, grabbing his arm. 

“Oh- Bruce’s father,” He said. 

“I thought his father was dead,” She said. 

“So did we until Wade broke him out of the psych ward,” 

_ “What- _ you know what, never mind just please find me to talk as soon as you can,” she said. 

“Yeah yeah yeah I will,” Tony said, kissing her cheek. “I’ll see you later!” 

“Okay bye,” She said. “Seriously! Talk to me,” 

“Uh huh,” He said, jogging to the door. “Love you-” 

“He’s gone,” She said, rubbing a hand over her head. “Friday, can you call Natasha for me?” 

“Of course Ma’am. She’ll be in your living room,” 

\---

“Loki what are you doing?” MJ asked, walking into his room. 

“I- I’m on my phone. Why?” Loki asked. MJ reached over, snatching his phone out of his hand. “Hey!” 

“I knew it,” She said. “This is practically a adiction at this point,” 

“What are you talking about!” Loki yelled. “Give me back my phone!”

“Loki, he's a  _ drug dealer! _ Literally he’s one of those creepy people who sits in the white vans,” She yelled, throwing her hands up. 

“It’s mostly just weed! It could be worse!” Loki yelled. “Give me my phone!”

“I’m deleting his number!” She yelled back, jumping up on his dresser. 

“Hey! I’m getting dad if you don’t give it to me,” He said, crossing his arms. 

“Fine! You really want your dad to read these texts? Go ahead!” She said, holding it up. 

“Give it to me! I could have been doing homework!” 

“Doing homework? On your phone?” She asked. 

“Okay well it’s not important just- MJ!” He yelled. “I know,” 

“Wait- Loki?” She asked. “Loki? Where’d you go? Magic isn’t cool dude!” She yelled. 

“Give me the phone asshole!” Loki yelled. 

_ “NO! This is bad for your health Loki!” _ She yelled back. Loki flickered back into her vision, smacking her knee, the only thing in reach. 

“He’s not that bad!” loki yelled back. 

“His name is  _ Jazz _ for hell's sake! That should have been your warning sign Lokes!” She yelled. “Fine- you know what, let’s be mature about this,” 

“Thank you-”

“Let’s read through these texts and decide how bad he is from an objective point of view,” She said.

“Noooo!” 

“Well if he’s not as bad as I think then what’s the problem?” She asked. 

“It’s- that’s ridiculous Michelle will you just-” 

“Fine, let me call our dad,” She said. “What is he like twenty something? That’s creepy,” 

“It’s not  _ that _ big of a age gap-” 

“Why are you guys yelling?” Clint asked, swinging around the doorframe. 

“Were you asleep?” MJ asked, looking at his pajamas. 

“...maybe,” 

“Dude it’s like 3 PM…” 

“Alright Loki don’t date a pedofile, okay?” Clint said. “There, problem solved. I’m going back to bed,” 

“He’s only 28!”

\---

“Friday called me in here?” Natasha asked, pulling her hair to the side. She was already sitting on the sofa when Pepper got back. 

“Yes… can you keep a secret?” She asked. 

“Well if I couldn’t then it would make this whole spy thing really awkward,” Natasha said. “What’s going on?” 

“Uh- Friday is Peter-” 

“He has his earbuds in and is on patrol,” Friday said. 

“That sounds vaguely unsafe,” Natasha said. “What’s going on?” 

“Okay, so don’t tell anyone but-” 

\---

“Hey Shuri, I know everything kinda sucks right now, and it’s totally cool if you say no, but I was going to carve pumpkins and I was kinda hoping you would want to also. Anyway, call me back when you get this,” Peter said, swinging his legs on top of the building he’d perched on. 

He’d forgotten how cold it got in the spiderman suit without the heater, which he’d managed to break with gum of all things, so he had his coat on over the suit, which made swinging a little bit tricky, but manageable. Mostly. 

He’d just turned his music back on when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He sighed, tilting his head up and spinning around. 

“Can I help you with anything sir?” Peter asked, smiling, although his face was covered by the spiderman mask. 

“I- actually I’m non-binary…” They said. 

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry!” Peter said. “Uh- what’s the sir/ma’am for that?” He asked. 

“Well… Uh, some people use Mx i guess…” They said, rocking forward on their feet. 

“Okay! What can I do for you Mx?” Peter asked. 

“Uh… I have to… kidnap you,” They said. “I- look I’ve got a gun here and everything,” 

“That’s fine. Can we get lunch first?” Peter asked. 

“Uh- what?” 

“Well I’m hungry, and I don’t want to pass out on you or anything,” Peter said. 

“I… okay,” They said. 

“Cool. What's your name?” Peter asked. 

“Uh- I mean I go by Riley I guess,” They said. 

“Sweet, lets go,” Peter said. “Oh! I’m Peter by the way,” 

“Oh. cool. Nice to meet you,” they said. 

“Come on, I know this great burger place nearby. It’s kinda underground,” Peter said. “It’s called McDonalds…” 

\---

“Tony! Tony- what the hell are you doing?” Natasha asked, standing in the middle of the lab with her hands on her hips, looking up. He was dangling from -what looked like not enough- to fix something on a large arch of metal. 

“Oh hey Nat,” Tony said. “Bruce press that button I showed you,” Tony yelled. 

“You didn’t show me any button,” Bruce said. 

“The giant red one by your elbow,” Tony said. 

“I don’t see any buttons,” Bruce called back. Natasha rolled her eyes, slamming her fist into the button. It released Tony, letting him fall hard on his back, hitting the lab floor and miraculously nothing else. 

“Thank you,” Tony said, standing up with a wince. “What did you need to talk to me about?” 

“I don’t need to, but Pepper does,” Natasha said. 

“Wha- oh yeah yeah I know I’m on that,” Tony said. 

“Are you sure?” Nat asked, leaning against the doorframe. 

“Yeah yeah, I just need to calibrate this one thingy,” Tony said. 

“Will anything blow up in the next two days if you don’t?” Natasha asked. 

“Yes,” Tony said. She raised her eyebrows. 

“And what, exactly, would blow up?” She asked. 

“Well, as of right now? Everything,” Tony said. 

“As in the tower?” 

“As in earth,” Tony said. “I swear I’ll be right there, kay? Alright,” 

“If you say so…” 

\---

“So Riley, why are you kidnapping me?” Peter asked, handing them their food. “Oh- do you wanna eat outside or in?” 

“Uh… it’s kinda cold out…” They said, looking down. 

“Yeah you're right,” Peter said, finding a slightly less sticky booth than the rest. “This is nice. So… why the kidnapping,” 

“I- well I need ransom money,” They said, looking down. “And- wait can you arrest me?” They asked. 

“No not really,” Peter said. “I mean… have you hurt anyone yet?” 

“Uh… no,” Riley said, looking down. They had sorta curly blonde hair that kept flopping in their face, making it hard for Peter to see them. 

“Cool, then nah, you seem fine,” Peter said. 

“I was kidnapping you- I mean I am kidnapping you,” They said. “I still have a gun,” 

“What do you need money for?” Peter asked. “I think I’ve seen you before…” 

“I need to pay for something. It’s really expensive…” They said, looking down. 

“Alright, what is it?” Peter asked.

“I- can… can I show you?” They asked. Peter nodded, putting his food in the bag. “Okay…” 

“Where are we going? If you hold the food I can swing us,” Peter said.

“Sure- Uh… it’s on Webster Ave,” They said. Peter nodded, handing over the food and taking off. It was a ways off from downtown manhattan, but Peter was good at covering long distances, it was just a matter of aim. It did make him wonder how Riley got all the way down to where they were. 

“This street?” Peter asked after almost twenty minutes. They nodded and Peter let them down, both of them stumbling slightly. “Okay what do you have to show me?” 

“It’s… follow me,” They said, taking off down the street. Peter sighed, jogging after them. Riley stopped in front of an old tiny brick apartment with overgrown rose bushes outside of it. “It’s in here,” 

“Alright let’s go,” Peter said. They opened the door for him, both of them creeping in. 

“We need to be quiet,” They whispered. 

“Alright,” Peter said. Riley walked up to the second story floor, stopping in front of a faded green door. 

“She’s in here,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm going to melt into a puddle of shame for not posting in this long.   
> Riley is the cutest villain to ever have been written, if you can even call them that. 
> 
> Also, if you haven't checked it out, I started that highschool AU and... idk i really am having fun with it. ANyway, I love y'all, you are all so patent, and I would love to see you guys on my other fic. Okay that's all!


	154. You want emotions? Here's emotions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow I'm not dead. Buckle up for this chaper kiddoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehe this feels great. I loved writing this.

“This is why you need money?” Peter asked, kneeling down. 

“She needs new lungs,” They said, sitting by the lady’s head. She had long blonde hair like Rileys, except they’d chopped their’s short. Her face was almost completely white and her eyes were closed, her chin tipped up as she struggled to breath. 

“Is she your mom?” Peter asked, peeling off his mask. 

“No she’s my aunt. My parents kicked me out a long time ago,” They said, sniffing. “She took me in but she has Cystic Fibrosis and…” 

“Your aunt…” Peter said, blinking. “Has she had a transplant before?”

“Yes, when she was 17,” They said. “A pair finally came up for her but… it’s a lot of money. She can’t work and I’m still to young,” 

“How old are you?” Peter asked. 

“I just turned 16, but everything I can walk to serves alcohol,” They said. 

“...what if I could help your aunt without you having to pay,” Peter said. “I- this might be weird, but I have been working on growing organs with the help of my friend. I think we can do it for free,” 

“Really?” Riley asked, jerking their head up. “Are you sure?” 

“I know I can try!” Peter said. “I need to ask my dad first though,” 

“Oh, okay,” Riley said. 

“Wait let me call him right now!” Peter said, pulling out his phone. “Hey dad I’m using the lab to save someone's life, just a heads up!” He said. “Okay I left a voice message,”

“Are you sure this would be okay?” Riley said, wringing their hands. 

“Oh yeah, of course,” Peter said. “But first we need to move her,” 

\---

“I’m sorry for all of this,” Peter said, handing a tip to the cab driver. 

“Uh huh,” they said, taking the tip with a sigh. 

“Come on, help me get her out,” He said to Riley. They nodded, lifting her feet while Peter grabbed her head. Once they stepped out Peter threw her over his shoulder, walking into the lobby. 

“Whoa,” Riley said, behind him. “This place is really big,” 

“I know right!” Peter said. “I don’t think I closed my mouth the first week I came in here,” 

“Can you really help my aunt?” Riley asked.

“I really think so,” Peter said. “I don’t know, things like this are really tricky you know, but I- I think so,” Peter said. 

“Okay,” they said. 

“I- oh shoot this is my friend,” Peter said. “I bet that she can help! Here- Hi Shuri I’m doing a thing and do you want to do surgery? Okay sure! Okay! Okay hurry!” 

“What did she say?” Riley asked, leaning forward. 

“Uh, she’s on her way,” Peter said. “Here, let’s get your aunt into the elevator,” 

“Okay,” They said, following Peter in. 

“What’s your aunt's name?” Peter asked. 

“Uh… April,” They said as the doors closed. Peter blinked at them for a second, taken aback. “What?” 

“I- it’s nothing. It just kinda sounds like… nevermind,” Peter said, jamming his thumb into the button. 

“Oh…” Riley said, leaning against the back of the wall. 

“I uh- I lived with my aunt in queens, her name was May,” Peter said, rubbing the back of his neck. “She’s… well she’s dead now, I don’t know,” 

“Oh. I’m sorry,” They said. “I don’t know what I would do if something happened to aunt April,” 

“Yeah…” 

\---

“Tony I need to talk to you right now-” Pepper started. 

“I really really want to talk, I really do, but I need to help Peter with a lung transplant in the lab,” Tony said, kissing Peppers forehead as he dashed out. 

“Wait I really need to-” 

“I know I know! I know I’m sorry! We’re going to talk soon I promise!” Tony said. 

“Okay but-” 

“I know Pep! I promise when there’s no life’s on the line we’re talking!” Tony said, kissing her again, this time on the lips. “I promise, kay?” 

“Alright. Go ahead,” She said, kissing him back.

“Hey if we where to accidentally kill someone because I used a medical technology that hadn’t been tested yet would that be bad for PR?” Tony asked. 

_ “Yes,” _ Pepper said. 

“Okay. Just checking,” 

\---

“Look it’s super simple, don’t worry, we’ve done this a lot before,” Peter said. “Right Shuri!” 

“No. This is completely uncharted territory,” Shuri said, putting on her gloves. “But… I’m sure this will be fine? Peter you have practiced this on other animals before, yes?” 

“I mean… sorta,” Peter said. “It was a robot monkey but it seemed to work on that- you know what don’t worry,” Peter said to Riley. They nodded, wringing their hands. 

“Uh- here, you can wait in the other half of the lab with Mr. Bruce!” Peter said. “Oh, my dogs in there, do you mind dogs?” 

“No,” They said, looking down. 

“Great! Go in there with Mr. Bruce and Tessa, and then we’re going to come talk to you later, okay?” Peter asked. 

“Yeah okay,” They said, rubbing the back of their neck. 

“Here, real quick, let me introduce you to Mr. Bruce,” Peter said, walking back with him. “Hi Tessie! Here, this is Tessa,” Peter said, picking her up and slinging her over his shoulder. “Mr. Bruce!” 

“Hm?” Bruce hummed from the back of the lab. 

“Can you hang out with my friend? They’re non-binary and tried to kill me a few hours ago. I’m saving their aunt’s life on the other side of the lab, their name is Riley!” Peter said, handing Tessa to Riley and pushing them into the lab. “Don’t worry Rye, he loves kids. Enjoy!” 

“Wait- no no no, I don’t watch children- Peter!” 

\---

“So you still haven’t talked to Tony yet?” Natasha asked. 

“He’s… growing lungs for someone Peter met,” Pepper said, rubbing her forehead. 

“Wait what?” Natasha asked, tucking her legs under herself. 

“Some kid’s aunt is dying and Peter took pity on him, now they are performing lung transplants in the lab,” She said. 

“Yikes,” Natasha said. “You know I bet it would speed things up if I just tied him up and made him listen to you,”

“No. This is unusually busy even for him,” Pepper said. “I mean, not completely unusual but usually we get a chance to talk more than this,” She said, pulling her hair to the side, over her shoulder. 

“I’ll give him a few days. I still might tie him up,” 

\---

“Okay… so it’s- oh, ignore the blood, half of that’s mine… it looks like your aunt’s going to be fine,” Peter said, peeling off his -now bloody- tee shirt. 

“Wait really?” Riley asked. 

“Yeah. I mean… like she did just have open chest surgery, so that’s not great, but like… nothing went wrong,” Peter said. “She should be able to breath and stuff,” 

“That’s… amazing,” They said. “I really thought she was dead,” 

“This is what happens when you try to kidnap people!” Peter said. 

“Young sir, I do not believe that’s the take away here,” Friday interrupted. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s the takeaway,” Peter said. “Anyway, my dad’s helping move her with a med team and stuff. He said that your apartment is all dirty and stuff so he got you one in queens, and he’s paying for medicare people to help you out and stuff. I don’t know I stopped paying attention,” Peter said. 

“Really?” They asked. 

“Mhm! And because I thought you were cool, and you moved just by my old school, I  _ was _ on a scholarship there, but now my dad pays for it, so if you want to go there, you can take the scholarship before it’s put up on the lottery thing,” Peter said. “I mean my school still sucks but you didn’t really like your school either so I dunno, you might wanna try. It at least looks good on college transcript,” 

“Dude this is insane,” Riley said. 

“Oh- so one more thing,” Peter said. “So- there isn’t a  _ cure _ for CF, duh, but I’m kinda working on this thing, basically your aunt has the most common kind of CF, which is the deletion of three nucliotides and- well it’s really complicated but I’m working on a new treatment with my dad. We aren't supposed to tell anyone about it but… here, this is my phone number, I’m going to call you once we can test on people. Your aunt might want to try,” 

“Dude this is so cool,” Riley said. “I- I mean… I’m not good at thanking people but… this is really awesome and… I just- why are you helping me so much?” They asked. 

“Huh?” 

“Well- I don’t know. I guess… we’ve seen like- like a million doctors! And none of them have helped like… even half as much as you have. I donno,” Riley said. “I mean- not that I don’t think this is great this… I mean this is amazing but…” 

“The truth?” Peter said. “Well… I had an aunt who died, I thought she was my only family, and… my dad, Mr. Stark helped me out a lot… I don’t know. I just thought that if I didn’t help you after he helped me… I don’t know. It’d be wrong,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ay ay! Look I haven't died yet. I hate how slow I'm updating, but school's been beating my ass bc I started high school this year. And now I have to help my little brother do his homework because my house is like full time for my parents. Idk. 
> 
> BUT I hope you like this chapter!! Literally every comment gives me serotonin.


	155. Crash and Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I...   
> am...   
> EVIL  
> (but you already knew that)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a real fun chapter ;)

“You know Peter, for someone who’s gone to school their whole life, you seem awfully nervous about it,” MJ commented. 

“I’m in a group project with Flash and his friend,” Peter said. “I think he’s going to kill me,” 

“You do know you are a superhero right?” Clint asked. He’d been assigned to drive them given that he was teaching, meaning they should get to school early. They did not, in fact, get to school early. 

“Yeah- I’m a spider! What can I do, scurry away?” Peter asked, throwing his hands up, making them all laugh. 

“Arn’t you like the strongest person on the team?” MJ asked. 

“My body is strong but my  _ emotions _ are weak,” Peter said, crossing his arms.

“You’ll be fine,” Clint said. “Here, you guys get out I’m going to find a parking spot,” 

“Just don’t park in the middle of the street again,” MJ said, grabbing her backpack. 

“Yes it does make it rather hard to get in,” Loki said. 

“Uh huh, go on you’re going to be late,” Clint said, reaching over and pushing them out before they could say anything. “I’m driving you home right?” 

“I don’t know…” 

\---

“Aw look, Penis Parker’s wearing a mask,” Flash said when he walked into the library. “What? Scared of the ‘Rona Parker?” 

“Whatever,” Peter said, sitting down. “Look can you just not be a jerk? We really need to get this done,”

“Aw, looks like I hit a nerve,” Flash said. 

“You do know that there’s other ways to start sentences, right?” Peter asked. 

“Listen I don’t know what your  _ game _ here is Penis, but it’s not going to work on me,” Flash said, his mood shifting instantly. 

“I- my game? I just want to get an A,” Peter said. “Okay whatever, did you do the reading?” 

“Nah me and my friends made a video,” Flash said. 

“I- you what?” Peter asked. How the hell do you make a video of a textbook. 

“Oh- you wouldn’t know that word. A friend is someone who likes you,” Flash said, grabbing the remote. 

“No- you said you made a video… Flash we just had to read the assignment what do you mean you made a video?” 

“We just made something special to help you learn,” Flash said with a grin. 

“What the hell- dude this is creepy, turn it off,” Peter said.

“No no really, the teacher approved it,” Flash said. 

“Is this a security tape-” Peter asked. “It’s like a field- what’s going on?” 

“Wait for it,” Flash said, bouncing his leg. Peter looked away from the screen at Flash, noticing he was sweating profusely, making Peter wince, looking away. “There it is,” 

“There what is- Flash I don’t see anything,” Peter said, grabbing his backpack. “Whatever, I’ll just do the project on my own-” 

“Don’t you see it! In the corner?” Flash said. Peter rolled is eyes, squinting. 

“Is that a plane?” Peter asked. Flash just shrugged, bouncing his leg. “Wait-” Peter’s eyes widened when he realised what the footage was from. “Flash turn it off-” 

“Recognise it Penis?” Flash asked with a grin. Peter’s jaw dropped open, his gaze fixed on the screen. “Ay- Peter? Penis Parker?”

Honestly it was surprising Peter didn’t recognise the field before the plane dipped into the corner. The commercial plane was already disintegrating, it’s left wing already spewing off pieces of debris. He watched with wide eyes as the plane’s engine failed and it took a nose dive. 

The nose of the plane barroled into the ground, drawing a deep ditch as it skidded, burying the pilots in the mud. You could see a handful of people sprinting out away from the plane, some with blood running down their face, one man who had lost an eye hobbled away before the exploding rocked the camera. 

The shockwave blew down the grass, engulfing a huge circle of the field. You could see a few of the people being flattened to the ground as the fire started to catch in the grass. 

“Holy fucking shit,” Flash muttered. “I- I haven’t seen all of it before- oh my- fuck is that- ay yo there’s a kid on there,” He said, pointing to a small child being carried by the flight attendant. “I- I didn’t know how bad this would be,” 

“I have to go,” Peter said, standing up. 

“Aw come on man, you aren't going to tell anyone I showed that to you are you? I mean were you even on the plane? I thought it was just your parents. I mena- don’t tell anyone dude it could completely undermine my collage apps,” Flash babbled. 

“I need to go,” 

\---

“MJ have you seen Peter at all today?” Clint asked when she walked into the classroom. “I’ve been looking all over for him but none of his teachers have seen him yet,” 

“Not sense you dropped us off,” MJ said. “He had to do a project with Flash. Maybe he killed him,” 

“Nah Flash dosn’t have that in him,” Clint said. “But he would have been the last one to see him… Flash!” He yelled, making the kid jump. “Get over here!” 

Flash scrambled to grab his textbooks, jogging up to the desk. “What is it? Do you need help with anything?” Flash asked. “I already told you that you can use my work as a example-” 

“First of all you have a C in this class, I don’t think I will be using your work any time soon,” Clint said. “But no, you where with Peter this morning right?” 

“Oh- yeah I think he uh… he went home sick?” Flash said. “He said he had a fever all day I think…” 

“Really? He said that?” Clint asked. 

“I- I mean I think so yeah…” Flash said, rubbing the back of hi neck. 

“So you have no idea where he is?” Clint asked. 

“Like I said he wanted to go home,” Flash said. “He uh… he wanted me to finish the assignment for both of us because he said he dosn’t really know anything about engineering or math or anything,” 

“Uh huh,” Clint said, completely unconvinced. “Alright whatever. MJ try calling him,” 

“Why do you think something bad happened to him?” flash asked. “B- I mean… Because like… I had nothing to do with it I swear we where just working and-” 

“Do you ever stop talking?” Loki asked from his desk, making Flash blush. 

“I- I think I’m just going to go back to my seat now,” Flash said, sulking off. 

\---

“Okay Tony we really  _ really _ need to talk soon-” Pepper said. 

“Okay okay we can-” Tony started. 

“Boss incoming call from Peter’s school, shall I answer?” Friday asked. 

“Wh- from the school?” Tony asked. 

“Yes it would appear Peter is in some kind of trouble,” friday said. Tony glanced guiltily between the ceiling and Pepper before Pepper sighed. 

“Answer it Friday,” She said. “We can talk later,” 

“Hello sir we are calling in regards of your son’s whereabouts,” The lady said. “It apperes he is not in any of his classes. We where asked by Mr. Barton to inform you because he claimed it was ‘out of character’ for him to skip, is now a good time to talk?” The receptinest droaned. 

“Yes, yes it is,” Pepper said, sitting down on the sofa. “When was the last time they saw him?” 

“A student is claiming that he hasn’t been seen sense he meet with them before school to do a project and went home with a fever. Mr. Barton however was skeptical of this and wanted direct communication with you,” they said. 

“Which student?” Tony asked. 

“Eugine Thomson,” They said. “We just need to confirm that he made it back to your house?” 

“No he didn’t,” Pepper said. “I- do you have cameras you can check or anything?” 

“No ma’am we had to make some budget cuts this last year due to Covid 19 and unfortnetly our computer systom no longer supports the cameras data storage,” They said. 

“So you lost our kid?” Tony asked. 

“Well this is really on the students head-” They started. 

“No don’t give me that bullshit, where’s my kid?” Tony asked. 

“Well we don’t-” 

“You don’t know. So that’s on you,” Tony said. “I mean come on, the kids one of your best students. I mean his grades don’t always reflect it but look at his work, you’d think you would keep an eye on that kid,” 

“Well sir this really does look like he just desided to skip school today-” 

“Nope. You’re not giving me that easy ass answer. Tell you what, you start looking around your school while I do everyone elses job driving around looking for my kid, sound good?” Tony said. “Good, Friday disconnect,” 

“Call ended,” Friday said, cutting off the very begining to the callers sentence. 

“I’m so sorry Pep, I swear we’ll talk soon,” Tony said. “I’m going to take the suit to look on building and stuff, stay here, I’ll have Friday update you as soon as I know anything alright?” 

“Alright,” Pepper said, kissing his cheek before he ran out the door. “Friday do you have any idea what might have happened?” 

“Well it looks like there was recently some footage stolen by a child who attends Midtown Tech that would pertain to Peter, but I have to warn you it’s… graphic,” 

“Let’s see,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the pain. how I enjoy it. 
> 
> (and if you havent yet go check out my highschool au I miss seeing y'all over there okay bye)


	156. Hi mom, Hi dad...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes this author is ~still alive~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ay Ay!

Peter pulled on his mask as soon as he was out of the school, shooting a web at the tallest building he saw and pulling hard, launching himself at it with more force then he’d intended, making cracks appear down the side of the building. 

He wasn’t fazed, shooting web after web from one building to the next. He wasn’t sure how long it took but soon the sky scrapers started turning into shorter apartments, which turned into big town homes, which turned into ramblers. 

He didn’t stop, even when he couldn’t use his webs, although he did take a bad fall when he ran out of web fluid. Instead he hopped onto the back of a semi truck, sticking as he watched numbly as the terrain faded from gross backstreets to farmland. 

He must have been out there for hours before he saw the town sign. Although ‘town’ was generise. It was more like a single street surrounded by fields, with a few random warehouses that most of the population worked at. Shaking out his hands, which were cramped up from holding onto the truck, he lept off, onto a warehouse that was maybe ten miles from the main road. 

The town had managed to make a bit of a name for itself when the news cameras had come out to film the wreckage of the crash. Always looking for a little income the mayor had played up the effect on the town to the point where you would have thought the plane had hit city hall. 

He actually tried very pointedly to avoid the area. He came out once after he became spider man because he had never been able to on his own but it hadn’t gone… well. After that he avoided it like the plague. 

If you really look you can still see the area on the grass that had been burnt and grown back. After staring for a while Peter dropped down from the roof of the building, creeping toward the circle. 

He sunk down to his knees, just in front of the circle, staring at the place in the grass where you could just begin to see the scorched ground. The police had spent over a year trying to figure out what had gone wrong, causing the plane to crash, so the site was left alone for almost a year. 

“I miss you guys…” Peter whispered, touching the grass. “I know that, I guess neither of you were my parents biologically but… I dunno it felt like that,”

Peter adjusted, crossing his legs and running a hand through his hair. “Although I found out who my biological dad is. You’d never guess but it’s Mr. Stark. I know, it’s crazy. It feels like… a dream or something,” 

Pausing, he picked up a rock, spinning it between his fingers. “I uh- well May and Ben are with you know, but you knew that. Ben… he wasn’t as nice as he was when you were alive, neither was May, but I still loved them. And I live in the tower. I’m a superhero and everything,” 

“I uh…” Peter started, looking down. “I sometimes feel like I can’t remember you guys. I forget your… your faces sometimes and I- I dunno it’s… I miss you a lot. They told me I have ADHD, that’s why I was so hyper as a kid,” 

He sniffed, rubbing a hand over his face. “But um… I have a girlfriend now. Her name is MJ and she’s really cool. Mom you would have loved her. And a friend other than Ned! That’s really cool. She’s a princess,” He paused, biting his lip. “And… I’m healthy now. I’m not sick because the spider bit me and it was radioactive. They don’t think I’ll ever get sick again, like you wanted,”

“I- I said a lot of things when I was angry at Ben for dying, and May to. It’s uh… just tell them I’m sorry for that,” Peter said. “Not that they were perfect but… I wanted to hate them so I didn’t miss them so bad,” he paused, sniffing. “It’s really scary loving people this much. Everyone in the tower. I’m so scared I’m going to lose them too. But… It didn’t work when I tried to not care. I guess I don’t know what to do anymore,” 

“I would give anything to get to see you again. I wish I’d never been sick, so you didn’t get on that  _ stupid _ plane. And I wish that I hadn’t been sick the whole time we were together. And I wish you could meet everyone in the tower, because I just… I know you would love them so much,” He said. 

“And I wanna punch Flash in his stupid face. I know I shouldn’t but I do,” Peter said with a watery laugh. “Oh! And I have some really cool news my mom- Pepper, Pepper told me last night. I had to promise not to tell anyone, so I don’t want to break that, but I bet you guys know already,”

“I uh… I feel kinda bad I’m not struggling right now,” Peter whispered. “I feel like I owe it to you to be angry or sad all the time but I’m actually really happy. Even though I miss you guys all the time,” 

“I just… I really wish you could come back…” 

\---

“Listen to me, do I  _ sound _ like I give a flying fuck about anything you have to say right now?” Tony yelled into his head piece. “Look- this is why people hate the police isn’t it- my kid’s missing, he’s not in New York City I already know that, why do you keep looking for places you know he isn’t? You know what this is bullshit,” 

He hung up angrly, shaking his head. “Fri, anything with the spiderman suit?” 

“Well sir, there is a signal but-” 

“Why didn’t you tell me that earlier, let's go! Where is it?” 

“Well sir it’s in the middle of nowhere,” Friday said. “I thought that it was a crossed signal, however I can key it into the GPS…” 

“Yes! I’ve just been flying around New York without any direction, hurry up!” Tony yelled. 

“No need to shout sir,” Friday said. 

“Sorry,” Tony said, raising his faceplate and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Okay just tell me where it is,” 

“I’ve sent the location, it seems to be in a rural town at least five hours out accounting for traffic. In the Ironman suit it would only take a hour and half at 75 percent power,” 

“What about full power?” Tony asked. 

“Well sir that would be a stupid idea, although it would cut travle time down significently-” 

“Give it full power, alright?” Tony said. 

“Sir-” 

“Did I sound like I wanted input Fri?” Tony said. “Just do it, alright?” 

“As you wish…” 

\---

“I think I’m going to kill Flash,” Peter said, resting his head on his hands, letting the words hang in the air. “No I’m not, that’d be mean. Someone should though. I mean a kid from my class hired a hit on me, they clearly have the money,” He said. “Oh- they meant it as a joke, I guess it didn’t occur to them that I would have died, you know? Geeze kids my age suck. Aside from MJ and Shuri. And Loki but he’s only kinda my age, he’s like, 15 or 16 but also a couple thousand years old, if that makes sense,” 

“It probably doesn't,” He said, answering his own question. “You know it would have been a hell of a lot faster if I’d just gone to your grave, but there’s people around. I guess your bodies are there but… I dunno this feels stronger… if that makes sense. I need to stop saying that,” He babbled. 

“I’ve been talking to you guys for hours. I really missed you,” Peter said. “I just want to catch up. I wish I could hear you guys, I wanna know how things are going up there. I bet dad and Ben are fighting right mom? But they would make up eventually after Ben helped me, Dad wouldn’t have stayed mad,” 

“You know what’s weird?” Peter asked. “I have two dads. Not like technically, like I had my little kid dad and then I had Ben, and now I have my Dad now,” He said. “I wish you guys knew Dad now. He’s… he’s a lot different than the rest of you. Like… when I cried with you guys it was like… you would make me  _ feel _ better, but Dad now… he like, he fixes whatever's wrong,” 

“And he’s so smart! And I can work in the lab with him and Mr. Bruce, and get this, a bunch of people there are his siblings! I know it’s crazy, but that means I am also related to Mr. Bruce. And they keep making weird jokes because one of dads siblings adopted MJ but it’s fine because we liked each other before that happened,” 

“I dunno. I really miss you guys but… like isn’t bad for me,” Peter said. “But uh, would you mind telling whoever keeps killing people to stop with my family? I dunno how it all works up there but I really like everyone I know now, even annoying people like Mr. Wade. So just… ask them to hold off for a minute,” He said. 

“Anyway, I think I should go. I’m not leaving just yet but I’m going to be quiet because… is it respectful? I feel like people just do that because they just don’t know what to say but I’m going to do it just to be safe,” 

Peter clamped his jaw together to keep himself from talking, because he seriously could talk for hours without anyone reciprocating. Maybe he should talk alone in a field more often. Aside from the not compleatly unplesent intrusive thought of slamming Flash’s anti-masking head into the stupid school desks he felt oddly at peice, sitting there for at least twenty minutes quitly. That was a lot for him. 

He wondered if he could have gone longer, sitting alone quite in the field for days on end, distracted by his own head, but he didn’t get a chance to test it because his thoughts were interrupted by the familiar hum of the Ironman suit. 

“Kid?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in trouble because I stole a Tr*mp sign yesterday and today I joined a protest without telling anyone. it was only a two person protest though, and the guy was super nice! He was a father of three and protests three or four times a week! 
> 
> anyway I'm grounded so send in comments to keep me from jumping into freeway traffic.


	157. oh hi dad I swear i'm not doing anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just don't ask what my uploading schedule is, m'kay?
> 
> (because I don't know either '_')

“Hey dad,” Peter said, looking over his shoulder. “I’m sorry I ran away for a minute I needed to freak out, but then I did all of my freaking out while I was swinging because I swang so fast that I was just tired when I got here. I mean actually tired, i can’t remember the last time that happened, and so I just-” 

“Don’t fucking do that,” Tony said in a slightly frightening voice, stepping out of the ironman suit. 

“...sorry?” Peter said. Once the metal suit had peeled away Tony closed the gap between them, pulling him up into a hug. “I’ll let you know next time,” 

“Holy shit kid I thought you were dead, no one knew where you were,” Tony said. “Your school even called,” 

“They noticed?” Peter asked, gladly accepting the hug. He was, admittedly, freezing. The October weather didn’t agree with his inability to thermoregulate. 

“Well Clint noticed, and he’s tall and loud,” Tony said. “Holy shit you’re freezing,” 

“Yeah the grass is all wet,” Peter said, shrugging. 

“Makes sense,” Tony said, finally letting go of Peter and rubbing his eyes. “Alright, well you’re alive,” 

“Yeah,” Peter said, rubbing his arms. 

“So why are we here?” Tony asked. “What’s this place? Aside from a gross town?” 

“I can show you,” Peter said. Tony nodded and Peter grabbed his arm, pulling him over the line in the grass to the middle of the circle. “This is where I crashed with my parents. See all the big rocks are like all black and stuff. That’s from when it blew up,” 

“Oh kid,” Tony said, resting his arm over Peter's shoulder. “Why the hell would you want to come back here?” 

“Uh… it’s a long story,” Peter said, looking down. Tony just raised an eyebrow, waiting. “I- well something happened at school and… I dunno it made me angry, and I was gonna like… yell here, because sometimes it… I dunno it feels like they are here, but then uh… well I felt bad and so I just, I dunno I kinda caught them up on everything. So they like, know about my life and stuff,” 

“What happened at school?” Tony asked. Peter shrugged, rubbing his cold nose. 

“Nothing really, just like… a stupid prank. It didn’t even really matter,” Peter said, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. He’d peeled off the spiderman suit and stuffed it in his backpack, worried about the nosey town people. Now he was wishing he’d left it on, at least it had a heater. And long sleeves.

“Alright, tell you what we’re going to do,” Tony said. “I’m going to call a car to come get us, and while we wait a short eternity for them to find this place, we’re going to find some gross cafe and you’re going to tell me what happened, alright?” 

“Okay,” Peter said, picking up his backpack. As much as he wanted to argue he was also freezing and with his dad there wasn’t ever really a point in arguing anyway. 

“Perfect I saw the most disgusting intimidation of a restrand flying in here,” Tony said, ruffling Peter's hair. “You really are just an icicle huh?” 

“It’s cold,” Peter muttered, crossing his arms against himself, almost flinching at the cold through his tee-shirt. Tony laughed, stepping onto the sidewalk. 

“Geeze, is this a gift shop for the plane crash?” Tony asked. 

“Probably. They only really have income from one place so they were quick to profit,” Peter said. 

“What the… the ‘crash and burn’ inn? Really?” Tony asked. “I swear I’m suing them,” 

“I don’t think you can sue people from being jerks dad,” Peter said. 

“If you have enough money you can,” Tony said. Peter pouted at him, re-crossing his arms. “Come on kid this place is a nightmare!” 

“I mean… yeah but-” 

“They have a statue,” Tony said, gesturing. 

“I guess the statue is pretty bad,” Peter said. “...weird I could have sworn it was the other eye that got dislocated,” 

“I didn’t even know you could dislocate a eye,” Tony said. 

“You’d be surprised,” Peter said. Tony shook his head, opening the door of one of the less rundown diners they passed. Aside from warehouses dinners seemed to be the only place where people worked. 

After ordering Peter a hotchocolet -coffee was still to strong for him- and coffee for himself, Tony led Peter to a booth in the back. “So are you going to tell me about what happened?” 

“Okay… I can tell you, but I need you to promise you won’t get mad,” Peter said. 

“I promise I won’t get mad at _ you, _ ” Tony said.

“I- okay, and can you promise not to hurt or otherwise negatively impact  _ anyone _ involved?” Peter said. 

“Sure,” Tony said. 

“I don’t believe you,” Peter said. 

“What’s not to believe?” Tony asked. 

“Well first of all you winked,” 

“I did not wink I blinked with one eyes, there’s a difference,” 

“Here’s those drinks sir,” A watriss said, setting down the drinks. “And the food you ordered will be out in a minute,” 

“You ordered food?” Peter asked. 

“Have you meet yourself kid? I don’t want you passing out on me,” Tony said. “Okay, story time,” 

“So… well I had to do a project with… someone-” 

“Who?” Tony asked. 

“It dosn’t really matter,” Peter said. 

“Was it Flash?” Tony asked. 

“I- how did you know?” Peter asked, tilting his head. 

“Gut feeling. So you where doing a project with Flash,” 

“Yeah. And he like… well I feel like the  _ words _ are going to make it sound worse then it actually was, you know?” Peter said, tearing strips around the border of his napkin. “I mean like… well of course it was  _ bad _ but it would be worse if it’d happened to someone else, you know?” 

“Kiddo if you don’t tell me what happened I’m going to get it from the other kid,” Tony said. “And I wouldn’t be as nice to them,”

“Well he told me that he was working with his friends to make a video instead of doing the reading and I was like ‘that’s weird’ so I said ‘what’ and he was like ‘yeah’ and I thought he was just being weird because that’s a weird thing to say so he goes to show me the video, and honestly I didn’t even really know what to expect because I thought it was weird but then he said-” 

“Take a breath kid,” Tony said. 

“Right so he turned on the video, and it was in this like… cassette type thingy, I dunno it looked really old, and he said that like… well he said things but it was something like they made a video out of the textbook and the entire thing was all weird but  _ then _ he showed it to me and it was like… like a field or something,” 

“Wait a field?” Tony asked. “So they where filming in a field,” 

“Well no they couldn’t have been filming that because it was like super high up and at a weird angle and everything and then I realised it was a security camera and so we where watching and he was like… he was super nervous, like I could  _ smell _ the fear radiating off of him, it was crazy, and then we where like watching and everything and… actually nothing happened,” Peter said 

“And then nothing happened?” Tony asked, raising his eyebrow. “Just a plain old field?” 

“Mhm,” Peter said. 

“And, after watching this plain old field you just felt like swinging out here and knocking a few years off my life?” Tony asked. 

“...yep!” Peter said, wringing his hands. “Alright well I need to go on a walk so-” 

“Sit your spiderass down right now and talk to me Peter Parker,” Tony said, pausing Peter halfway out the booth. “Or I’m calling Pepper,” 

“Okay,” Peter said, sliding back in, blushing. “Sorry,” 

“So what happened in this field?” Tony asked. “And don’t bullshit me kid,” 

“I- well the thing is I just feel like I might have overreacted because- well it wasn’t so bad, and honestly I’d seen that video before. Or- not the video itself but like… I knew what it would be. Or I didn’t really know what it would be but like once I knew what it was I knew what would happen, so it dosn’t really matter I guess-” 

“Less words more content kid,” Tony said. 

“Well he maybe kinda  _ got his hands on the video of the plane crash and showed it to me in the library,” _ Peter said quickly, clamping his mouth closed. 

“He what?” Tony asked. Peter, not wanting to repeat himself, shrugged, looking down. “He showed you… holy shit,” 

“Like I said, not too big a deal or anything, I don’t even know why I came out here. In fact I should get going I have homework-” 

“If you stand up from this table I’m calling Pep so fast your head will spin, sit down,” Tony said. 

“Right. Sorry,” Peter said, fidgeting. “Um what are we… what uh… nevermind,” 

“Alright kid, look, the car’s here. I want you to go out and get in, it’s just outside the door, the black one see?” Tony said, pointing. “I’m going to pay and let everyone know I found you and then I’ll be right there,” 

“Okay,” Peter said, ducking his head down and stepping out. “This is fine,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided that I will ~not~ be jumping into traffic, but I will be subject to a public beheading. I felt like it was more ~spicy~
> 
> Also I don't think I can physically handle how empowering it is to wear dramatic eyeliner with combat boots while listening to music. Like my body can't take it.


	158. I'm gonna get in trouble, I'm gonna start a fight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nah nah nah nah nah nah, Tony's gonna start a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it.

The car ride home was silent, absent from even Tony’s loud music that was usually giving Peter a headache while they drove. Tony seemed completely content to keep it quiet, with one hand resting on the wheel and his other periodically checking his phone -which he kept reiterating Peter should  _ not _ do-. Peter was less peaceful. 

They did finally arrive back home, although it took them almost three hours, and that was  _ with _ Tony speeding the whole time. “Alright, go tell Pep what happened, I have some calls to make,” 

“Who are you calling?” Peter asked, bouncing on the balls of his feel. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Tony said. “But Pepper’s been worried about you, go talk to her,” 

“Okay,” Peter said, shuffling into the living room. “Uh, hi mom,” 

“Peter!” Pepper said, jumping up. “I thought you were dead,” 

“Yeah sorry about that one,” Peter said, shifting. “I kinda thought I would be back by the end of school,” 

“I am going to  _ strangle _ you,” Pepper said, hugging him, before pausing. “Are you taller?” 

“I dunno,” Peter said. 

“I think you grew sense this morning,” She commented, hugging him. “Where’s Tony,” 

“I dunno I think he’s going to kill me classmate,” Peter said. 

“Here come sit down,” She said. “Why is your hair wet?”

“It was raining…” He said, looking down. 

“Alright I’m making tea, do you want tea?” she asked. “I’m making tea. Tell me what happened,” 

“Okay so I was in class-” 

“In two sentences,” she said. 

“Uh my friend found a video of that plane crash and showed it to me so I ran away to where it crashed. Then Dad tracked me down and made me come back, and I think he’s suing a town,”

“Good,” She said. “Here, it’s not peppermint it was like orange or something,” She said, handing Peter a mug with his school logo on it. 

“Thanks,” Peter said, wrapping both hands around it. The car ride had only warmed him up enough that he wasn’t  _ alarmingly _ cold to the touch. 

“Oh my goodness Peter I thought you had died,” Pepper said again, rubbing his sholder. 

“...but i’m not?” Peter said, raising his arms. 

“If you ever run off like that without texting us or something first you’re going to be grounded until you’re thirty, understand,” Pepper said. 

“Yep!” Peter said quickly. If anyone could sustain a grounding that long it would be Pepper. “Sorry,” 

“It’s alright hun,” She said, putting a hand in his hair. “So tell me about this video again,” 

“I mean it really wasn’t so bad uh… here I can uh… I can show you,” Peter said. “He emailed it to me incase I wanted to ‘rewatch’ it,” 

“I’ll tell you what honey,” Pepper said. “Why don’t you forward that email to me and I’ll take a look at it later, okay?” 

“I- sure I can do that,” Peter said, not at all actually sure he knew how to forward something. 

“Good. Okay here, let’s watch something while we wait for your dad to come back,” Pepper said. “You want to go grab a snack while I pull something up?” 

“Okay,” Peter said, walking with his head down. “Do you want anything?” 

“No I’m good,” She said. “You like the office right? I’ve never actually seen it but I feel like you’ve talked about it before,” 

“You  _ haven’t seen the office?” _ Peter asked. “This is going to be so much fun! You’re gonna love Pam!” 

\--- 

“Tony come look at this,” pepper said as soon as Tony walked in the door. 

“What is it?” Tony asked as Pepper turned her laptop around. 

“I got Peter to forward me the video,” She said. “Don’t worry he’s in his room on the phone with Shuri right now,” 

“Alright,” Tony said. “You have the video? Like the actual video?”

“Yeah and it’s bad,” Pepper said. “Do you want to see it?” She asked. Tony nodded, stepping around the end table -not very gracfully- and sitting down next to her.

“Okay that looks like where Peter was,” Tony said, putting a arm over her shoulders. 

“Wait,” Was all she said. Tony tilted his head, watching as the plane dipped into the corner. Luckily the video didn’t have sound, but the impact spoke for itself. Infact, as people sprinted from the plane he was actually glad that they couldn’t hear any of the screaming. 

“That’s Peter,” Pepper said, pausing. The quality was far from the best, but Tony could still make out a thin kid being dragged, seemingly kicking and screaming, away from the reck. There was a large cut on the kids head, causing blood to drip down their face. 

“Holy fuck,” Tony whispered, taking in the scene. “Is that his dad?” 

“Well biologically you’re his dad,” Pepper said. “I don’t think so. Records said that Richard Parker was still strapped into his seat when found,” She said, unpausing. 

Several more mangled passengers clawed their way out, apparently the ones who hadn’t been knocked unconscious from the fall, before another explosion leveled the grass and everyone around it. 

“This is where it hit the gas line,” she said. “Peter was one of three survivors. Seven where taken away from the scene, five died in hospital. One man was parilized and is now in a wheelchair, and the other was a elderly man who died in 2009,” 

“And this is what they made Peter watch?” Tony asked. Pepper nodded, rubbing her face. 

“No you can’t kill them,” Pepper said. “Before you ask,” 

“Oooh, but I want to,” Tony said. “Can I sue him?” 

“After seeing this, go ahead.” Pepper said. “I already have the lawyer working with everything,” 

“You are amazing,” Tony said, kissing her cheek. “I’ll be back before it’s dark okay?” 

“Sure. But you are coming to our bedroom and we are having a conversation tonight, understand?” Pepper said. 

“Alright babe, love you,” Tony said. “I’m going to go make a child shit himself,” 

“Oh boy,” she said. “Just don’t get arrested,” 

“Don’t worry, the police are busy with something else right now,” He said. 

“Oh okay,” She said. “What- what are they busy with?  _ Tony?” _

\---

“Hi, I’m looking for Flash,” Tony said, leaning against the doorframe of the school. Purly due to lazyness he’d opted to deliver his speach in his full ironman suit, save the faceplate. Clint grinned at him, before nodding his head to the students. 

“It’s one of them,” He said. “I don’t keep track,” 

“Hey, tell you what, you clearly don’t have a lession plan, I’m doing a free speach for the school. Autatorium in about ten, kay?” He asked. Clint nodded, grabbing a bag of popcorn. 

“You heard the man,” MJ said, standing up. “Lets go, lets go,” 

“I have snacks in that big cabnit,” Clint said. “Just don’t tell anyone, I told your princable that that was grading stuff,” 

“Not for you,” Loki said, pushing Flash out the door. 

“What’s all this about anyway?” Flash asked. 

“Move it,” MJ said. “I don’t even know what you did yet, I just don’t like you,” 

“Well it dosn’t really matter what  _ you _ think about me,  _ Ironman _ wants to talk to me,” Flash said, crossing his arms. 

“Yeah, and I’m dating spiderman,” MJ said with a eyeroll. 

“Spiderman’s way to cool to date you,” Loki said with a shit eating grin. 

“You know what  _ buddy-” _

“Move move move,” Clint said, handing them snacks. “I can do the ASAP science lession tomorow, this is great,” 

“But don’t you teach history why are we learning science-” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Clint said. “Come on everyone, we’re going to watch Flash get his ass handed to him,” 

“What-” 

“What?” 

\---

“I’m so glad everyone could make it,” Tony said, sitting on the stool. “If would wouldn’t mind, I would like to request everyone turn their eyes to the board above me. If the tech guy did his job you should be seeing my sons face up there,” 

True to his word, behind Tony was a painfully awkward photo of Peter. “I know, it hurts me to look at him to, we’re working on the photogenic classes,” He said, earning a hesitent chuckle from the crown. 

“See, I really thought that after the last inncodent, in which a  _ assasination _ was put out against my son as a joke, I had made myself increadibly clear,” Tony said. “But a recent inncodent has been brought to my attention that tells me that your tiny pea brains still don’t get it, so let me show you,” 

Tony gave a nod to the guy in the back controling the projector, who changed to a video. “This is your chance to step out, because this video is not going to be easy for anyone to watch. It contains footage of a grafic plane crash, in which sevrel dozen people die, including the lovley pair who watched my son for the first sevrel years of his life. I’ll wait for you to excuse yourself, because no one should see this without a warning,” He said. 

“While I wait, I will give you some context for what you about to see. Becuase my son did  _ not _ get a chance to get up and avoid seeing this video, which he was already subjected to live though. Eugein Thomson was the student responsible for the replaying of this footage,” Tony said. “You may know him better as Flash,” 

There was some uncomfortable shifting and muttering as a few students edged their way out of the rows of chair. “And I see his  _ possie _ finds this funny, so why not Flash, and those five sitting around him come up on the stage to watch with me, just so you  _ really see _ the footage,” Tony said. “No no, come on, stand up, we have time,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow would you look at that, I haven't let the traffik take me (yet)


	159. suprising wisdom from Wade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~enjoy~

“This is the last footage of sevrel dozen lives,” Tony said, giving another nod. He turned around, along with everyone on the stage, to watch the grafic video play out in fount of them again. A few people gasped when the plane hit the ground, and a girl screamed somewhere when it blew up, but for the most part it was quiet. 

“See, that was pretty awful to watch, huh?” Tony said, after waiting almost a full minute at the end, leaving the last shot up on the screen. “Imagen how much worse it would be to live it. Now imagen that, after you have almost managed to come to terms with losing your entire world, it’s shoved in your face at school. Not very nice to think about, is it?”

A few kids muttered ‘no’s’ as the slides changed. Now there where tiny faces filling up the screen, ranging from young children to old men and women. “These are the victomes on the plane. I have taken the libraty of doing some research of these indeviguals, and for the remainer of the school day you will be learning about their lives and families. To start with we have Maricio-” 

\---

“-which brings us to date,” Tony said as the screen behind him turned black. “I see a whole lotta crying faces right now, which is good, I kind of thought teenagers couldn’t do that anymore,” Tony said, eliciting a chuckle or two. 

Flash, who’d been abandoned by his ‘big tough friends’ when they started crying and had to excuse themselves, shifted awkwardly in his chair. “I see that this is making people a little uncomfortable, expecilly Flash. Now, unlike him, I don’t want to bully anyone, so I will give him a chance to explain and appologise for his actions. Take it away,” Tony said, handing him a mic. 

“Uh…” Flash said, pausing. “I just… I think it’s kinda rich that… that the guy who made weapons is the one who’s… saying this,” He said. Tony raised his eyebrows, half completely shocked, half almost amused at his gul. “I mean he killed people, so that’s worse then showing a video. I mean… he showed you that video,” 

“Okay now I’m going to respond,” Tony said. “First off, loving the cheep shot but that’s not what we’re talking about now, I would love to have a teacher point you to the progression of SI’s business model,” Tony said. “And again, I would like to reiterate, that I explained to everyone in this room the video they would be viewing, and gave time for them to excuse themselves. Four or fourty people could have walked out those doors when i said that. Which leads us to a word that many of you teens need to know, which is consent,” 

“But I didn’t attack him!” Flash yelled. “I didn’t do anything wrong!”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Tony said. “Straight from the horses mouth. He  _ didn’t do anything wrong. _ What exactly was your intention when you showed that video? What kind of response did you plan on illiseting?” 

“Uh…” Flash said. “I just wanted to surprise him I guess,” 

“Interesting, interesting,” Tony said. “So, if we are taking your word for it, you are so completely mentally challenged that you are unable to connect those two, very close dots?” Tony asked. “Becuase in that case then I think it would be irresponsible for me to not notify the colleges you have been showing interest in, hm?” Tony asked. 

“But- how could I have known!” He yelled. 

“See now we’ve gotten to my favoret part. See this mic?” Tony asked, holding it up. “I am going to have it passed, from front to back, and have everyone else who would have known tell him so, okay? Alright let’s get going,” 

\---

“Hey can I go mess with the kid?” Wade asked, jumping out of the cabinet, making Pepper scream. “Don’t worry it’s just me, not a murderer or anything. Well-” 

“Peter’s in his room,” Pepper said, resting a hand on her chest. “Don’t  _ do _ that Wade,” 

“Sorry, I didn’t realise that that would scare you,” Wade said. “I was about to say I would do it more but when I scared my wife when she was pregnant she shot me,” 

“I thought you only got your healing powers after- Wade?” She asked. Wade was already gone, skipping down the hallway. “People need to start answering my questions,”

Friday caught Wade up on that morning, although he’d been spying anyway so it wasn’t strictly necessary, as Wade made it down to Peter's room. “Hey spider bitch, come on I’m buying food and killing people,” Wade said, when he finally figured out which room was Peters. 

“That’s fine Wade,” Peter said. 

“Okay turn the fucking light on,” Wade said, grabbing Peter’s blanket. “Don’t worry, I won’t get all sappy, I’m not Tony, but we do have to go,”

“Wade please I just-” Peter was jut off by Wade throwing him over his shoulder. 

“Come on, i know teenagers,” Wade said. “Hey! Pepironie! I’ve got your Spider for a few fucking hours, kay?” 

“Oh you are related to Tony, aren't you?” She said, taking a sip of decaf coffee. “Whatever, Peter try and have fun,”

“Mm,” Peter said. His forced cheerfulness had definitely died down in some sense the morning. 

“Here, the window’s quicker,” Wade said once they got into the hallway. Peter nodded, stepping out and sticking to the side. Wade sat on the ledge, looking down. “Food first?” 

“Whatever,” Peter said. 

“Alright!” Wade said. “You finally sound like a teenager!” 

\---

Now, armed with street food and maybe the one place Tony didn’t have camra’s, the top of a gasstation in the bronx, Wade handed Peter a squirrel that looked like it had rabies as they sat down. 

“What’s this?” Peter asked, holding up the angery squirl. 

“I figured if you where angery you could kill it,” Wade said. “You could also kill me but that fucker stays dead,” 

“Wh- no I don’t want to kill a squirrel!” Peter said, setting it down. 

“Well then you better start talking about what’s going on with you,” Wade said. 

“Well I mean there was the video and stuff, I donno,” Peter said, accepting the chimmi changa tha Wade handed him. 

“Yeah but you know the shit that’s in your head, come on, tell me,” Wade said. “If you don’t want to tell me, fuck nut the squirrel will listen to you also,” 

“You can’t name the squirrel that,” Peter said. “I dunno, it just like… okay if I tell you will you tell anyone else?” 

“It stays between us,” Wade said. “Spider to fuck up, fuck up to spider,” 

“I dunno it’s just kinda frustrating. Like… I love my dad, and I love living with everyone, but some days I just kinda want to wake up and be back in queens with my aunt, before everything was crazy. I dunno, it’s like I just try not to think about ever having a different life, but then the video… It still makes me feel like a bad person,” 

“I get it,” Wade said. “And by the way, your dad’s just doing the PC stuff on the kid in front of the school, I got dibs on after hours,” 

“Ob boy,” Peter said with an eye roll. “Please don’t kill anymore of my classmates,” 

“Just some light waterboarding,” Wade said. “Churro?” 

“Whatever,” Peter said, pulling his knees up. Wade tossed one at him, which Peter caught without looking. 

“You think you’re a bad person, huh?” Wade asked. Peter looked away, shrugging. 

“I guess. In this situation I guess,”

“Can I tell you something?” Wade asked. Peter nodded, biting the churro. “I told you that I lived with my uncle, right?” Wade asked. Peter nodded again. “Never told you fucking why,”

“What happened?” Peter asked. 

“Let me ask you something kid, do you think I’m a bad person?” Wade asked. 

“Of course not!” Peter said. “I mean you are a little… unorthodox, but not bad. You just do things your way,” He said, taking a mopey bite. 

“Alright,” Wade said. “I killed my family. Mom, dad, grandpa, all of them,” He said. “Got a mental evaluation, and they declared me mentily insane. Six months of charming a nurse and they let me out to my uncle,” He said.

“Really?” Peter asked, tilting his head. “Why?” 

“You know the whole shit show, dad hits you with a belt, one day you snap, kill them, call the police,” he said. “My grandpa went first, he tried to shoot me through the heart, but he didn’t know I replaced the bullets with blanks. He tried to get me with a knife and I turned it around, slit his neck,” 

“That makes sense,” Peter said. “What about your mom?” 

“Now  _ there’s _ the kicker. She came up with all this stuff for them to do, her favorite contribution was the cigar burns,” He said. “She tried to get me to let my dad live, but after everything  _ that _ fucker did it wasn’t gonna happen. She lunged at me, hit her head on a table, and suddenly I had killed three people,” Wade said, taking a bite of his churro. “Let me ask you again, am I a bad person?” 

“Of course not!” Peter said. “I mean clearly you were just… like defending yourself, and it just went too far. I mean it wasn’t good but- I mean it wasn’t your fault,”

“Alright, alright,” He said. “So how the everliving  _ fuck _ are you the bad guy here?”

“Uh-” 

“I just told you a story about how I murdered my family and you defended me, but you miss a dead family member and you are the bad guy?” 

“But it’s… it’s different,” 

“How the fucking hell-shithole is that the case?” Wade asked. 

“Because… you are… I mean… you are inherently good,” Peter said. “Even if you do bad stuff you do it for the right reasons. That’s not always true for me,” 

“Fuck kid,” Wade said. “You are the best fucker I know. Including my entire dead family. At this point I think my daughter would have shot me in the dick and left with the food. You are so good you can’t even fully comprehend when assholes are assholes. Just a minute or two ago a fucker tried to kidnap you and you helped save his aunts life,” 

“That was a week or two ago…” Peter said. 

“Shit kid, you are good. You are the best person I know. You arn’t a good person because you have some fucking golden soul, you are a good person because you choice to be. It dosn’t matter if your brain tells you to fucking kill everyone in your school everyday, as long as you act nice you  _ are _ nice, okay fucker?” 

“Mhm,”

“I need a yes my lord and leige, saint Deadpool,” Wade said. 

“I am not calling you that,” Peter said with a smile. 

“Fuck you,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't update yesterday! I was in the ER lol. I'm good I just dislocated my collar bones a ton and then I had a headache and started throwing up and shit so they had to give me IV's, I'm fine lol. But I have bad vains lol


	160. is it all going to be okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> or is that just something we say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ay ayyy tell a shorti-
> 
> that it's all going be okay :)

“Loki do you know where Mom is?” MJ asked, wringing her hands in his doorway. 

“No,” Loki said flatly. 

“Do you have any idea?” She asked again. 

“Still no,” 

“Well can you call her for me or something? My phone’s dead and I can’t find them anywhere and I really need to talk to her!” MJ said. Loki, finally looking up from his book, raised a eyebrow. 

“Why do you sound so Peter-y?” He asked. “What’s the word I’m looking for?” 

“Uh-” 

“Nervous! You sound nervous,” Loki said. “Why are you… ugh you look like a kicked puppy,” 

“I just really need to get to mom,” she said, running a hand through her hair before remembering it was in a messy bun. 

“I guess I can call her,” He said with a dramatic sigh, closing his book and melting off of his bed. Almost literally. 

“Thank you!” she said, going back to wringing her hands. Loki raised a eyebrow -a different one this time, a talent MJ envied- as he picked up his phone. 

“Hey mom, where are you?” Loki said, pausing. “Kay, can you come back up? Michelle is making a pathetic face and I don’t want to deal with it,” He said. “Okay. She’s coming,” He said. 

“Thank you thank you thank you,” She said. “I’m going to go- should I wait in the kitchen? Or the living room? I don’t know if I want to be by the elevator because-” 

“How about not in my room?” Loki said, pushing her out. 

“Okay. Okay yeah,” She said, going back to mess with her hair when the elevator squeaked, announcing her parents presence. “Mom? Dad?” 

“Hey, are you okay? Loki said we should come up,” Clint said, walking in front of Natasha. 

“I just need to talk to you guys for a second,” She said, cursing herself that her voice was coming out as high as it was. 

“Yeah of course,” Clint said. Natasha nodded, seating herself on the sofa as the two of them followed. 

“What’s going on?” Natasha asked. 

“I don’t know I - okay so I was sitting on my bed on my computer, and then I just sorta realised like… I just- I don’t know I’m scared,” She said. “And I don’t know why. I mean I do know why- but I - it’s not about anything that I didn’t know about, so why am I freaking out now? It dosn’t make sense!” She said. 

“You aren't going to calm down unless you take a breath,” Natasha said. “Explain what’s going on,” 

“I- i’m just thinking about everything right now. I- well I mean, there’s people out there that want to kill me. Or want to kill my friends, just for… like living. No one’s ever done anything wrong, but they’re still being hunted down. And- I’m so scared to like… like walk around now. Or show my face online, because people keep telling me they want to kill me and I can’t  _ do _ anything,” She said quickly. 

“Who’s saying this stuff?” Clint asked, instantly getting more serious. 

“Just stupid trolls. They can’t even do anything but… I’m so scared dad,” She said. “I just- I don’t know what to do. I want to fix it and I can’t fix it,” She said. “And I already knew about all of this, it’s not  _ new _ to me, but I- I just feel like I’m out of control, I want to fix it,” 

“Here, come here,” Clint said, allowing MJ to cling onto his neck. “We’re not going to let anything happen to you, alright? You’re going to be just fine. You have two of the scariest people in the world watching out for you,” he said. 

“I just want to be able to  _ help _ there’s so many people that need help and I can’t do anything. I wish I could, I just want everyone to be able to be happy again,” she said. “Why do people have to hate us so much?” 

“I don’t know,” clint said, rubbing her back. Natasha, sitting behind Clint, took one of MJ’s hands from around Clint’s neck, rubbing between her thumb and first finger in a way that felt almost as good as it hurt. 

“Things are going to work out,” Natasha said. “Even if it’s hard, even if you’re scared, even if you, or people you know, get hurt, it’s going to work out in the end,” 

“I’m just so scared,” She whispered. 

“I know,” She said, rubbing her hand. “You want to know how I know that you’re going to be okay?” 

“How?” She asked, almost whimpering. 

“Because i’ve watched you. Very carefully, ever sense I meet you, and at first I was completely shocked, because for someone so young, you’re so  _ strong,” _

“You think so?” MJ asked. 

“Think? MJ I don’t say things like that on a whim,” Natasha said. 

“She dosn’t,” Clint backed up. 

“You have had a lot of shit in your life, but you never once let it stop you. You didn’t miss a beat when you realised you couldn’t take your old life, moving out and taking your life into your own hands. And then you moved in with us and have worked your ass off every day training with us, working on school and getting perfect grades, it’s impressive,”

“And you are going to beat this,” She said. “Maybe not  _ racisum _ but this fear, that’s holding you back, you can beat that. And you’re going to do it while getting straight A’s,” 

“What about everyone else?” MJ asked. “All the people who are dying, what about them?” 

“What do you think superheroes are for?” Natasha asked. 

“But you guys do the big stuff,” She said. 

“Not all of us,” Clint said. “Here, come on,” 

“Where are we going?” MJ asked. 

“Come on,” 

\---

“Hi MJ!” Peter said, waving from his ceiling. “Wade gave me all the leftover churros do you want one?” He asked. She shook her head, creeping in. “Okay. Here, i’ll sit on the bed so we can sit together,” 

“Okay,” she said, sitting on the very edge of the bed. 

“Have you been crying?” Peter asked. She nodded, looking down. “What’s wrong? Can I help? Did something happen?”

“No nothing happened I-” She paused, swallowing tightly. “Uh…”

“Here, let me get my stuff off,” Peter said, picking up a handful of papers and throwing them with zero care. “Can I like… give you a hug or something?” 

“Yeah,” She said, nodding. Peter somewhat awkwardly wrapped his arms around her, holding himself somewhat stiffly. He’d told her before that he made a point of not hugging anyone other than Wade because he was worried of hurting them. 

“What happened?” he asked. 

“I don’t know. I was… I’m just scared right now,” She said with a shrug. “I was thinking about stuff, and all the things that are freaking me out, and then I- this is stupid- I was thinking about you and how like… how many people you saved and… I dunno,” She said, shrugging again. 

Peter tilted his head, while leaning against his headboard. “What do you mean?” He asked, adjusting so they were more laying in bed while she hugged him. 

“Because I like- I was just thinking about how scared I am with everything going on and stuff, like- I don’t know. And then how you are like… how many people would be dead if you didn’t do stuff and… I don’t know. But I was scared and… I came here?” She said, shrugging. “I can go-” 

“No no no no no no no, you don’t need to go,” Peter said. “I’m- I’m sorry you’re scared,” 

“Do you think… I have to go out tomorrow and meet a friend for school… can you come with me?” She asked. “If you arn’t busy and stuff but- I don’t know. It’s stupid,” 

“I’d love to come with you!” Peter said. “I’ll walk with you and stuff! And look  _ threatening!” _

“You just look constipated,” She said with a watery giggle at his ‘threatening’ face. “I’m sorry about everything yesterday,” 

“Eh, it’s whatever,” Peter said. “People suck, huh?” 

“Yeah…” She said, resting her head on his chest. “I knocked one of Flash’s teeth out. He threw a hissy fit, sobbing and everything,” 

“Dude that’s  _ so awesome,” _ Peter said. 

“Do you think everythings going to work out okay?” She asked. 

“I don’t know,” Peter said. “Maybe not everything. But I think we’re going to be okay. And if we’re not my dad will do creepy science stuff and make it okay,” 

“Yeah,” she said, laughing more confidently this time. 

“I swear, he’d invent time travel if I died,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in a hour because I am scared shitless about the election. Fucking help me.
> 
> In happier news, someone asked for more PeterxMJ stuff so I threw in a bit here. I'll add more later -if I don't sacrifice myself in a one-man ritual first ;p


	161. Your auther is sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck me.

“Okay! We can talk now!” Tony said. “Peter and MJ are being adorable and I kinda want to spy on them, but I don’t think that’s allowed, according to Sam,” 

“It’s definitely not,” Pepper said. “Although I do kinda want to get a picture of them,” She said. 

“So what have you been trying to tell me?” Tony asked. 

“Give me two seconds to run to the bathroom and I will let you know,” She said. Tony nodded, picking up his phone. “Friday?” she whispered. “Can you send this footage to my phone later?” 

“Of course ma’am,” She said. “Would you like to live stream it?” 

“Massive invasion of privacy… over good PR,” she said. “Sure, do it,” 

“Of course,” Friday said. She smiled, walking into the bathroom and splashing water on her face before walking back out. 

“You planning on telling me what’s going on anytime soon?” Tony asked. “If you wait any longer something might implode,” 

“I’m pregnant,” 

\---

“Should I poke him or something?” Pepper asked after a few minutes. 

“I believe he’s still processing that statement,” Friday said, with the absolute  _ most  _ amusement in her voice. 

“I think I broke it,” She said. “Tony? Hello?” 

_ “Hey mom me and MJ and Loki are going out okay bye!”  _ Peter yelled, sprinting past her. 

“Peter Parker get in here right now,” She yelled. Peter backed up, looking at her. “Are you going to get hurt or do anything dangerous?” 

“Nope!” Peter said. 

“Are you sure?” She asked. 

“60%,” He said. 

“Good enough,” she said. “If any of you get hurt you’re grounded, understood?”

“Mhm!” Peter said, sprinting back out. 

_ “Peter!” _ She yelled again. 

“What?” He asked. 

“Go grab some food to bring with you,” She said. “And you have money?” 

“Yeeees mom, can I please go?” Peter asked, grabbing a orange. 

“Fine, go,” She said with a laugh. 

“What’s going on with Dad?” He asked. 

“I told him, I think he’s broken,” she said, peering at Tony, who still looked zoned out. 

“Should I poke him?” Peter asked. 

“Nah, I’m just going to put a blanket over him or something, I have cleaning to do,” She said. They used to have maids but with Covid they only had them clean the unoccupied floors, so no one lost their job but she still had to dust. 

“Okay. Have fun!” Peter said, sprinting out before she could say anything else. 

“Tony this is concerning,” she said, putting a blanket over his head. “Is he going to wake up soon Friday?” 

“He is awake, however he seems to be unable to process the information given at the moment. I would estimate at least a hour until he can comprehend his souningdings again,” 

“...great,” 

\---

“Are you sure this won’t get us in trouble?” Loki asked. 

“Trouble with who?” MJ asked. “Peter’s a avenger,” 

“What about police?” Loki asked. 

“I’ve needed some target practice,” MJ said. 

“Hush, I can’t get this if you two are talking,” Peter said. He was typing something on a device that was attached to the wall. They waited quietly until it turned green with a beep. “Okay, let’s go,” 

“This feels illegal,” Loki said, as they slipped into the dark building. 

“Sense when did you become the morality police?” MJ asked. “Besides this is for the greater good,” 

“How many people really jump from the empire state building?” Loki asked. “I mean come on,” 

“At least thirty,” Peter said. “I’m just going to be a minute,” He said, dropping down. He’d been working all week on a type of web that wouldn’t disintegrate over time. Now that it was finally done he was putting up nets around all of the high suicide places in New York. Although they were going to the golden state bridge at some point that night as well. MJ wasn’t sure they would make it back in time but Peter promised he ‘had a plan’. 

MJ and Loki sat quietly on the top, the silence only interrupted by the sounds of Peter swinging and shooting his webs, and Loki’s phone, which was buzzing every few seconds. 

“Loki I swear I am throwing this thing off the building-  _ who is this?” _ MJ asked, picking it up. 

“Give me that!” Loki yelled, trying to snach it away. 

“Ooooh,  _ Jazz, _ is texting you,” MJ said. “From his texts he seems  _ very  _ interested,”

_ “Michelle,” _

“Come on, who is this guy?” She asked. “Oh- well according to this he lives just down the block from the tower, wanna pay him a viset?” 

“MJ no-” 

“I think… yes,” She said. 

“No- he’s just a guy from school,” Loki said. “For… a group project,” 

“On what human anatomy?” MJ asked.  _ “Ay Peter hurry up we’re going to go meet Loki’s boyfriend!” _

“I do  _ not _ have a boyfriend!” 

“You so have a boyfriend,” MJ said. “Listen Lokes, these are  _ not _ platonic texts,” 

“Well they could be-” 

_ “Peter hurry up!”  _ MJ yelled. Peter shot a web up to the buildings top, landing in front of them. “We’ve gotta save the golden gate for tomorrow, let’s go,” 

“Alright,” 

_ “No!” _

\---

“Hey Natasha I need your help,” Pepper said, knocking on the open door to their apartment. 

“With what?” Natasha asked. 

“Well- what are you doing?” Pepper asked, gesturing to their TV. 

“Spying on our children,” Clint said. “Their finding out about Loki’s creepy older boyfriend,” 

“...okay,” she said. “Uh… I  _ broke _ Tony, I was wondering if you might know how to snap him out of it. Friday told me to put him in rice,” 

“Ooh, did you tell him?” Natasha asked. 

“Yeah and now he’s broken,” Pepper said. “Friday said he was ‘processing’ for a few hours,” 

“Well I can’t promise I will be able to fix him, but at the very least I can help you stack stuff on his head,” She said.

“Thank you,” Pepper asked. “Oh- Clint if you see Peter do anything stupid while you’re spying will you let me know? I think he’s programmed Karen to lie to me, last week she told me he did homework for eight hours straight and then went to sleep,” 

“Will do,” Clint said, pointing at her with a arrow he was gluing back together. 

“How many years will it take for you to throw away broken arrows?” Natasha asked. 

“More than this!” Clint said. 

Natasha shook her head, turning to Pepper. “I hate men. Come on let’s go harass Tony,” 

\---

“Come on dude he’s a pedofile,” MJ said. “And I haven’t gotten to actually assassinat someone,”

“No, I am not consenting to you shooting my boyfriend in the head,” Loki said. 

“Oh so you admit that he’s your boyfriend then?” She asked, smirking. 

“Wh- no! Just- give me the gun MJ,” Loki said, holding out his hand. 

“Mom and dad have trained both of us! You know I don’t need a gun to kill people!” She said. “Can I shoot his dick off?” 

_ “No!”  _

“Fine, head it is,” she said. 

“No! MJ please don’t,” Loki said. 

“Peter help me get up!” MJ yelled. Peter, who had been chilling on the side of a building like a bat, grabbed her hand, swinging her over to the adjacent balcony. 

“Dude can you  _ not _ kill him?” Loki yelled after her. 

“Nope!” She said. 

“I’m telling the police!” Loki yelled. 

“Tony’s rich enough the law doesn't matter anymore!” MJ called. “It’s one of the problems with the one percent! It’s also working in my favor right now,”

_ “Don’t shoot my boyfriend!” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me way to fucking long to write this i'm just depressed. I update highschool way more so if you want more of me ig go check that out. idk guys.


	162. THE FINAL CHAPTER!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the only chapter of any fanfic I wrote that made me cry

_ A few months later... _

“Tony, help me hang the stockings up,” Pepper said. “I can’t reach on the step stool,” 

“Because I’m  _ so _ much taller than you?” Tony asked, taking the stocking from her hand. “Get off I don’t want you falling,” 

“Oh no, can I not hang things this year?” She asked with a grin. “What a shame,” 

“Do we have a guest list this year?” Tony asked. 

“Well… with Covid we can’t invite anyone who may not have followed the restrictions,” She said. “Otherwise we can’t invite Peggy. And she’s going to be pissed if we don’t. So that means Quin’s out, and all those businessmen who usually come around,” 

“Finally an excuse,” Tony said. “I hate doing business on holidays,”

“You hate doing business period,” Pepper said, sitting down with a sigh. “But we still have everyone in the tower, we have Peggy I assume,” 

“Doesn't matter if we invite her or not, she’s coming,” Tony said. “Is this straight?” 

“No it’s crooked,” She said. “You want Peter’s to be lower. Sam said he’s quorenteening so he can drive uptown and visit his family, they’ve all been quarantined this whole time-” 

“Why not just invite them up here then?” Tony said. 

“I don’t know how much Sam would like that,” She said. 

“Perfect, I’ll send them an email today,” Tony said. “Who else?” 

“Peter wanted to know if Ned could come over, but I’m going to put that as a  _ hard _ no,” She said, crossing it off the list. 

“I agree with that one,” Tony said. “How’s this,” 

“Close enough,” Pepper said. “And I’ll put Sam’s family as TBD?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said, sighing and sitting next to her. “Sparkling cider for both of us this year, huh?”

“Think about it, this time next year we’re going to have a little kid crawling around here,” She said with a grin. 

“Probably putting the ornaments in its mouth and throwing food everywhere,” Tony said. “And screaming. Can’t forget the screaming,” 

“I’m having a moment,” Pepper said, smacking him with a floppy coster. 

“Wow you worked your way up to a full moment,” Tony said. “I’ve heard one tenth, one twelfth, one eighteenth, but never in my career of knowing you have I heard you have one  _ full _ moment,” 

“If you don’t close your mouth soon I’m going to have full custody too,” She said, smacking him. 

“But I hung the stocking and everything!” Tony said, mock-indigent. 

“And there’s still four meters of garland in that basket,” Pepper said with a grin. Tony stuck his tongue out, standing back up. “Love you!” 

\---

“What do you two want for christmas?” Clint asked over dinner, which was ‘fancy’ box mac and cheese. Which meant that Clint put cilantro in it and used a blowtorch on top for… some reason. 

MJ and Loki looked up from the food they were picking at. MJ shrugged, smashing a noodle. “I don’t really want anything,” 

“What?” Loki asked, tilting his head, so his hair flopped in his face.

“I mean for christmas,” Clint said. “Like presents and stuff,” Loki just blinked at him. “Have you ever been around here for christmas before?”

“You mean when it gets cold here?” Loki said. “I always make a point of bailing around november,” 

“Why?” Natasha asked.

“When we first came down here Thor told me I would only stay for the winter months and I’ve been trying to prove him wrong sense,” Loki said. 

“You’ve never done christmas before?” Clint asked, his eyes lighting up. 

“Oh no,” Natasha said. “He did this with me when I got out of Russia,” 

“Did what?” Loki asked. 

“Christmas rehabilitation,” Natasha said. 

“Where’d dad go?” MJ asked, blinking. “He was just sitting right-” 

“Okay so we’re starting with decorations-” 

“Clint we’re finishing dinner before you turn this apartment into a snow globe!” Natasha yelled, pointing her fork at him and causing Lucky to bark. “And you two need to finish all of your food, understood,” 

“Look these ones light up!” 

“Put that stepstool  _ away-” _

“The dancing snoopy!” Clint said, pulling out a robot snoopy. “He  _ sings _ to,” 

“Clintion Barton you are eating with us before you put that up or I am sticking this knife somewhere  _ no one _ wants a knife  _ trust me,” _

_ \--- _

“You know, I think this is almost there,” Tony said, stepping back. They had one  _ big _ living room, kitchen, and dining room that was reserved for the holidays. Not  _ normal  _ big, but a giant football field sized big. And him and Peter were committed to decorating all of it. 

“No I think that we need a bigger star on the tree,” Peter said. “It’s so tall i can hardly see it when I get down,” 

“Alright do what you think best,” Tony said. “I- oh shoot, christmas is tomorrow, isn’t it?” 

“Yep!” Peter said. 

“That means that Peggy’s flying out tonight,” Tony said. 

“Yep!” 

“That means that-” 

“You’re going to have to apologize to Steve for what you did last week?” Peter asked. 

“That was  _ not _ my fault, he was the one who-” 

“Dad you lit his living room on fire,” Peter said. 

“Well  _ yeah _ but-” 

“Sir Peggy will be arriving in the airport in twenty minutes, give or take, if I were you I would make sure someone was there to pick her up,” 

“Screw sending someone, I’ll do it myself,” Tony said. “Peter you wanna come if you wanna finish here first?” 

“Can I?” Peter asked, jumping off the ceiling and landing with a painful thud on the floor. “I can be quiet!” 

“Practice on the drive over,” Tony said. 

“Yes!”

“Come on,” Tony said. They lived pretty close to the airport so it was a short ride over, in which Peter tried very hard to not talk. He lasted an entire three minutes before pointing out a  _ very _ interesting street light, before he pulled into the airport parking lot. 

“Is she almost here?” Peter asked, bouncing in his seat like a little kid. 

“Yep! Hope in the back seat,” Tony said. Peter eloquently crawled across the seat, ending up hitting his head hard on the window. “Yikes,” 

“Is my head bleeding?” Peter asked. 

“...only a little,” Tony said. “You’ll heal right up,” 

“Ow,” Peter muttered, pressing his hand against the battle wound and buckling in, before sitting up. “She’s here, I can hear her,” 

“What do you mean you can hear her?” Tony asked, looking around. “I don’t see her,”

“She breathes differently,” Peter said. 

“...what do you mean she breathes differently?” Tony asked. 

“I dunno I can’t explain it, it just sounds like Peggy. Can't you hear it?”

“Unless they're in my ear I don’t normally hear people breath,” Tony said. 

“Well I can. She’s going to be here any second,” Peter said, nodding. 

“Your son's hearing significantly impedes my ability to sneak up on you,” Peggy said, opening the door. 

_ “Peggy!”  _

_ \--- _

“You can  _ not _ invite my parents over,” Sam said. 

“Too late, it’s been done, they are already driving out,” Pepper said, scribbling in a notebook. “I thought you were on good terms with them,” 

“I am  _ for now,” _ Sam said. 

“I believe that Sam is referring to the fact that he has never technically disclosed his occupation to his parents truthfully,” Friday said. 

“Ooh! Family drama,” Natasha said, stepping in and grabbing a christmas cookie and patting Tessa on the head. 

“You never told them?” Pepper asked, raising her eyebrows. 

“It never came up naturally!” Sam said, throwing his hands up. “I’m dead. I am  _ so _ dead,” 

“I’m sure they won’t be that bad,” Pepper said. 

“You don’t know my mom. She didn’t let me play sports as a kid because she thought it would kill me, she only let me go into the army because she thought I was doing paperwork, and now she thinks I have a desk job,” 

“So the giant metal bird suit might come as a bit of a shock,” Natasha said. 

_ “So _ dead,” 

\---

Peggy had settled into her own small apartment a floor above theirs and Sam’s family was coming the next day, much to Sam’s dismay, and Peter was on his way to stop a guy from opening fire in a hospital. Or he was trying to, but his suit was nowhere to be found. 

“Looking for something?” Peggy asked, startling Peter so he jumped onto the ceiling. 

“Heeeeeeeey Grandma, whatcha doing?” Peter asked. 

“I’m only here for a few weeks, I would have thought you would want to spend some time with me,” She said, smiling at him. 

“And- uh- and I do, I  _ really _ do I swear, but I need-” 

“You need your suit?” she asked. “Why?”

“...art homework?” Peter asked. 

“Give me the real reason and maybe I will allow you to continue looking,” Peggy said, sipping on her tea. “I could do this all day,”

“Okay there’s this guy and he’s planning to bring a gun into a hospital tonight because the hospital is where his wife was brought when they were in a car crash but then she died and it- well it was a brain death and so it didn’t really- the point is that he thinks that they killed his wife and he wants revenge and I need to stop him, so can you please let me look for my suit?” Peter asked. 

“And how do you know this?” she asked. 

“I can hear when things happened and- well he screamed very loud, and so when I hear something really bad like that I will listen for that person a few timesa and I just happened to find out what he was planning and I  _ knew _ it was tonight so it’s stupid that I forgot my suit-” Peggy held up a hand, looking at him.

“...don’t be stupid,” She said, reaching under her chair. “It was under your desk. And four plates,” 

“Thank you thank you thank you!” Peter said, pulling it on over his clothes. After Tony’s creative outfits Peter learned to wear he quickly discovered the wonders of leggings and tank tops. 

“If you die then you can’t have any christmas cookies,” Peggy said. “Keep that in mind,” 

“This is easy, just a mass shooting, I can do that in my sleep,” Peter said. “By Grandma!” 

“These kids are going to give me a heart attack,” 

\---

“Has anyone seen Sam?” Tony asked. “His parents are flying in today and we need to find him,” 

“I think he’s trying to take down the pictures with him in it,” Pepper said. 

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just tell them at this point?” Tony asked. 

“Yes it would be,” Pepper said. 

“Oh- and have you seen Peter? I was going to have him help me wrap some last minute stuff,” He said. 

“He’s doing something with Peggy,” She said. “He should be back soon,” 

“Back?” Tony asked. 

“Yeah she said that they stepped out,” Pepper said. 

“Friday where’s Peggy?” Tony asked. 

“She is in her apartment sir,” Friday said. 

“Where is Peter?” Tony asked. 

“Not in the tower, sir,” 

“...I swear that child-” 

“I’m here!” Peter yelled, running out of his room. 

“Yes Peter Parker just swung through his window,” Friday said dryly. 

“Where were you?” Pepper asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“...christmas shopping?” Peter asked, looking down at the blood on him. “They get real vicuse out there, yah know?” 

“Peter what the-” 

“Gonna go take a shower, by mom by dad!” 

\---

“Okay guys does everyone have a gift? Except Sam who is still grounded?” Sam's mom asked. Needless to say she wasn’t  _ thrilled _ with him, given that he was sitting in the corner like he was in time out. 

“I’m 32, not seven,” Sam said, crossing his arms. 

“Well you better start acting like it,” She said. “Aw, look at Peter’s sweater,” she said, taking a picture of the spider themed christmas sweater. She also hadn’t struggled for a moment with picking up everyone's names. 

“See  _ this _ is why I always go to your house every Christmas,” Sam said, with narrowed eyes. 

“Well we may not be in my house but you still follow  _ my _ roles,” She said. “MJ smile for the camera,”

“You don’t even  _ know _ these people!” 

_ “Samual,” _

“This is humiliating-  _ I’m a adult,” _

“Well then you should start acting like one,” 

“I-” 

“Great who wants christmas cookies?” 

\---

“Peter, MJ, Loki, Wanda, I need you all,” Peggy said, standing up. Peter blinked at MJ, and they both scrambled after her. Wanda was already in the room and Loki slipped in before her. 

“What’s going on?” Peter asked as MJ closed the door behind them. 

“I have some things to tell you,” Peggy said. “And none of you are going to interrupt me, understood?” They nodded, at her, sitting down. “I already told you, but your memories fail you frequently, so I will repeat myself once. This is my last christmas with any of you,” 

“What? Why?” Peter asked, sitting up straight. 

“What did I just-” 

“Sorry! No interrupting! But why-” 

“I’m getting  _ old _ Peter, and I have dementia, and of all things, the last thing I want is to become one of my friends sitting like a shriveled old raisen in a hospital bed while my muscles atrophy,”

“What do you mean?” Peter asked, tilting his head. 

“But we  _ just _ met you,” Loki said. 

“And I don’t even know how to get out of a straight jacket yet! You said you would teach me!” MJ said. 

“Shh!” Wanda waid. “She won’t tell us anything if we talk!” 

“Good girl,” Peggy said, looking at wanda. “You dislocate your shoulder Michell. The point is there's some stuff you need to know before I leave,” 

“But-” 

“Peter Parker if you can’t keep that mouth shut I will gag you myself don’t try me,” she said. “You all love your families here, such as they are, but it’s important you don’t act blindly for them. That’s how people get hurt. Loki surely knows this because it’s been something he has exploited many a time with shape shifting. If something seems off it is, and you need to be strong enough to make that call okay. Peter, you are going to have a sister, which your parents don’t know that I know but I do. Please hold her when she’s born for me, I know babys scare you but you need to get over it,” 

“Peggy I-” 

“That was not an empty threat Peter Parker,” Peggy said, pulling out a cloth. 

“Okay okay I’ll be quiet!” Peter said. 

“Good. MJ, Loki, you both want to see the world. Be careful, neither of you fully understand it yet, and you have almost gotten very  _ very _ hurt, I don’t want that to happen to you. If you think that Wade would stop you it’s a bad idea. Wanda, dear, you think you are much older than you are. Natasha and Clint want to take care of you and you should let them. And I know how much you love Vision but you are too young to marry him, understand?” 

“That’s not-” 

“Hush, I’m not done. Peter you have been trying to get Wade to take medication for his schizophrenia, all you need to do is give him a unicorn and tell him to give it one with him. It may sound stupid but he did the same thing to get El his dead girl to take her meds, it will compleatly melt him and he’ll do it. Also, Peter, I know you don’t hug anyone because of super strength, that’s what Wade’s for, use him as teddy bear, he misses his dead kid, he’ll eat it up,” 

“MJ, darling, you are beautiful, but if you don’t put on some weight you will start looking like a dying bird, trust me it’s prettier to be healthy then to be what you think you should. Loki you need to wear real clothing not just PJ’s that you make look real, they glitch when people hug you. Peter you stay awake way too long, I know you can but you shouldn't. I watched your father do that sense he was born and it’s not a path you want. Wanda you have a cat Nox, before you have a baby because I know you will want one, get a dog,” 

“Why are you telling us this, can’t you write it down?” MJ said. “I mean what if we forget?” 

“You won’t. And even if you do Friday can let you know what I said. Later,” She said. “Listen, you are all beautiful, and highly gifted, but all of you are trying desperately to be adults, and there’s no reason for that yet. You worry about things that you can do nothing about, and you try and take care of things that no one expects you to take care of. All of you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and it’s high time you let that go. You have some time left to be stupid and to goof off and let go and enjoy life. That’s a gift. Don’t waste it,” 

“And one more thing,” She said, leaning forward and setting her purse down. “I talked to your families. The dead ones,” 

“What?” Peter asked, perking up. Wanda sat up a little straighter as well. 

“Wanda your parents are annoyed at your lifestyle choices, they wish you hadn’t moved in with Vision, and your brother thinks he’s a toaster but aside from that he’s been approved. And Pedro wants you to know he knew what he was doing and he’s not sorry. Peter May and Ben want you to know how sorry they are, and that they were trying their best, and they hope you can forgive them. Your parents just want you to know they are proud of you,” 

“Loki, your father had some choice words for you that I am not inclined to repeat, but your mother was happy to see you with Natasha and Clint. MJ I don’t know if you know this but your mother is dead. She’s deeply remorseful for the life she gave you and so happy you are having a better one. And she wants you to eat a cheese burger,” 

“Who- when did- how?” Peter asked. 

“I had a little incident with my heart a few months ago,” Peggy said. “Got a glimpse at what's to come,” 

“Peggy I don’t want you to go yet,” Wanda said, looking up as she dried off her face. “I want to talk forever, I want to- there’s so much I want to do with you still and- I mean,” 

“No one is ever ready for it to end dear,” Peggy said. “That’s what makes it so sad. But at some point, you have to just bite the bullet and do it. I want you all to be at peace with my death when you get news of it. I won’t do anything drastic until then, but our time is closing,” 

“I don’t want anyone else to die,” Peter said, hugging his knees up. “Why can’t we just live right here, and be happy for more than two minutes together?” 

“Life has much greater plans than happiness dear,” Peggy said, standing up. “Much, much greater. Now come on, I think they are breaking out the mulled wine. If you don’t tell anyone I might sneak you all a glass,” 

“Peggy?” MJ asked, standing up. “Is- do you think it will all be okay? Everything going on and stuff? I mean you’ve lived through so much, I thought you might know…” 

“I think that everything is going to work out just fine,” Peggy said. “It’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be okay,” 

“Is this it?” Peter asked, blinking at her. She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him. 

“Yes dear. This is it. For me. But you have  _ so _ much ahead of you that you don’t even know. Don’t worry, we’ll meet again,” she said. “Just not too soon, you hear?” 

“Thank you,” Wanda said, nodding. 

“Goodbye then, dears,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to keep this short and sweet and then post a A/N later. Thank you all for reading this far, that takes dedication, and literally your repeated comments change my life, cheesy as it sounds. I actually love all of you and I hope you loved this fic!   
> author out!


End file.
